Ryland's TRAGIC Start to Christmas & ISSUES We Have As Parents

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Sip with Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon
Episode: Ryland's TRAGIC Start to Christmas & ISSUES We Have As Parents
Release Date: November 13, 2024

The Sip with Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon is a lively and uncensored conversation between host Ryland Adams and co-host Lizze Gordon, delving into pop culture, parenting challenges, and personal anecdotes. In this episode titled "Ryland's TRAGIC Start to Christmas & ISSUES We Have As Parents," released on November 13, 2024, the duo navigates through a mix of humorous disputes, holiday preparations, and candid discussions about parenting.

1. Podcast Studio Woes and Holiday Preparations

The episode kicks off with Ryland expressing frustration over technical issues in the podcast studio. The primary contention revolves around malfunctioning shed doors that neither Ryland nor Lizze can properly close.

Ryland [01:04]: "All that money and skimped on the doors."

Lizze [02:08]: "Yes. These doors are not shut. They don't shut."

This back-and-forth highlights the challenges of maintaining a makeshift studio, especially during the busy holiday season. The conversation swiftly transitions to their Christmas preparations, with Ryland showcasing his elaborate decorations and Christmas tree setup.

Ryland [07:24]: "This tree survived, which, thank God, because I invested in a beautiful tree last year."

Lizze [07:47]: "I noticed that with your decorations around the house. They're very festive."

Ryland shares his excitement about adding festive lighting to palm trees, aiming to emulate the grandiose decorations seen in places like Beverly Hills. The discussion underscores his dedication to holiday spirit, juxtaposed with Lizze's more laid-back approach.

2. Parenting Challenges and Birthday Planning

Transitioning from studio woes to parental responsibilities, Ryland and Lizze discuss the complexities of planning birthday parties for their children. Lizze recounts her experience organizing a road trip with her baby, emphasizing the delicate balancing act of adhering to nap schedules while managing outings.

Lizze [10:48]: "I pitched a couple of ideas. He doesn't like any of them, but I figured because the boys really only like going to the grocery store, they should have a grocery store themed party."

Ryland and Lizze brainstorm creative and unconventional party themes, reflecting their unique parenting styles. The conversation touches on the evolutionary aspects of parenting and whether modern parents might be overstepping in accommodating their children's preferences.

Ryland [19:41]: "It's like all of our parents didn't. Weren't as crazy as us parents today, and here we are."

3. Personal Health Struggles and Emotional Outbursts

Amidst the festive chaos, Lizze opens up about her recent health struggles, specifically her traumatic experience during a colposcopy. She shares her therapist's dismissive stance on birth-related trauma, leading to a heartfelt discussion about mental health and the physical toll of childbirth.

Lizze [38:12]: "I just had my coloscopy. I can't do this. My fight or flight kicked in. Tried to murder the doctor."

Ryland responds with empathy, acknowledging the gravity of her experience and the emotional strain it has placed on her interactions.

Ryland [40:51]: "If I've ever said anything nasty about you guys, I don't hold it against you."

This segment provides a raw and vulnerable look into the personal lives of the hosts, contrasting with their usually humorous banter.

4. Hot Topics: "Are We the Asshole" Discussions

In a segment focused on societal behaviors, Ryland and Lizze delve into the popular "Are We the Asshole" topics, evaluating various customer service scenarios to determine if certain actions warrant the label of being an "asshole."

a. Asking for a Manager Without Justification

Lizze [48:16]: "I'm so sorry. It's Very complicated. You try clothes on. Do you put them back when you're done trying them on, or do you."

Ryland and Lizze debate the legitimacy of escalating minor issues, such as returning items past the return window, and the societal shame associated with it, often branded as "Karen behavior."

b. Overstepping in Service Expectations

The hosts discuss scenarios like not tipping when service is subpar and the nuances of customer expectations versus business constraints.

Lizze [55:35]: "It's to ensure prompt service. And it's not my fault that for some reason, the establishment has decided to underpay their employees and make me pay extra for them to have employees."

This segment highlights the delicate balance between customer satisfaction and the operational challenges faced by service industries.

5. Pop Culture and Television Gossip

Ryland and Lizze transition to discussing current pop culture topics, notably the turmoil surrounding the TV show Yellowstone and its star, Kevin Costner.

Lizze [43:45]: "And here's what I'm wondering. Moms, do your poops give you warning?"

Ryland [44:31]: "You can't let it go to your head."

They dissect the fallout between Kevin Costner and the show's creator, Taylor Sheridan, speculating on the future of the series and drawing parallels with other popular shows like Euphoria. The conversation is laced with humor and speculative insights into the entertainment industry's dynamics.

6. Humorous Banter and Light-Hearted Moments

Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in playful teasing and humorous exchanges, keeping the conversation lively and engaging. Topics range from mishaps at Costco to exaggerated stories about hickeys and personal grooming.

Ryland [57:38]: "Do you want to know what I did yesterday? I was, like, exhausted yesterday. I was tired and I was like, craving some Taco Bell."

Lizze [70:26]: "Cheers, girls."

These moments of levity provide a balance to the more serious discussions, maintaining the podcast's signature tone of unfiltered and candid dialogue.

Conclusion

In "Ryland's TRAGIC Start to Christmas & ISSUES We Have As Parents," The Sip episode masterfully intertwines personal anecdotes, parenting dilemmas, and pop culture insights with the hosts' characteristic humor and candor. Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon offer listeners a blend of heartfelt conversations and entertaining banter, making it a compelling episode for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Notable Quotes:

• Ryland [01:04]: "All that money and skimped on the doors."
• Lizze [10:48]: "I pitched a couple of ideas. He doesn't like any of them..."
• Lizze [38:12]: "I just had my coloscopy. I can't do this. My fight or flight kicked in."
• Ryland [44:31]: "You can't let it go to your head."
• Lizze [55:35]: "It's to ensure prompt service..."
• Ryland [57:38]: "Do you want to know what I did yesterday? I was... craving some Taco Bell."

These quotes encapsulate the episode's blend of frustration, creativity, vulnerability, and humor, providing a snapshot of the dynamic between Ryland and Lizze.

Transcript

[Lizzie]

Yeah, roll that sound.

[Ryland]

I'm dealing with a big old today.

[Lizzie]

Oh, you don't. You looked in the mirror and got honest about who you are.

[Ryland]

We'll take one more.

[Lizzie]

Fine.

[Ryland]

Don't try to deny this. You have been in a mood, and I don't know if it's just because you're extra tired or if you've just decided to start a war with your.

[Chris]

Best friend for no reason.

[Lizzie]

I don't know. It does feel a little bit like I owe you something.

[Ryland]

You owe me something?

[Lizzie]

Yeah, just a little bit of nast.

[Ryland]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say, like, an apology. Well, first of all, you're, like, 30 minutes late. Second of all, she walks in here and she's like, you look young today. And I was like, thank you. And she goes, that wasn't a compliment. And then she comes into the door, doesn't close.

[Lizzie]

It says, okay, it's freezing. Chris, pan over to the doors.

[Ryland]

You can do it on your phone.

[Lizzie]

No, I want Chris to pan.

[Ryland]

This is. Are you kidding me?

[Lizzie]

And then there's holes in the doors. There's holes in the door.

[Ryland]

No. Okay, It's.

[Lizzie]

I. As I said before we started rolling, it's like zombies fucked on them, and then you put them in.

[Ryland]

This is.

[Lizzie]

They've never shut. It's my. Maybe it's been three years of them not shutting.

[Ryland]

This is a shed.

[Lizzie]

When's the last time you remember that? Door shutting?

[Ryland]

Are you kidding me? No, this is a shed that I so generously converted for this podcast. Spent a lot of money on and now.

[Lizzie]

And then skimped on the doors.

[Ryland]

No, the doors.

[Lizzie]

All that money and skimped on the doors.

[Ryland]

The doors had already existed here. And, yes, over time, buildings warp, and as the building has warped the door, you have to.

[Lizzie]

Like, there's a hole in every panel.

[Ryland]

You have to. No.

[Lizzie]

Yes.

[Ryland]

Okay. Elizabeth, you have to open them and then marry them to shut them closed properly. And if not, it's either too hot or too cold in here because there's air from the outside world coming in.

[Lizzie]

Crispy under the doors.

[Ryland]

I know. I'm fine, because I know how they work, but because everything's.

[Lizzie]

That it's not working. Those doors are not shut.

[Ryland]

I don't see any mice in here.

[Lizzie]

I don't. I'm not. You are mad at me for the way I shut those doors.

[Ryland]

Well, because you didn't shut the door.

[Lizzie]

Neither did you. Those doors are not shut. They don't shut. So you either. You either let me not shut them, or you get New doors.

[Ryland]

I'll just shut them for now on. I think you're under estimating how much the cost of doors are.

[Lizzie]

I definitely have no clue.

[Ryland]

What could you Google just like doors at Home Depot? Just like household doors at Home Depot. But they've got to be fine for the exterior. That's just an interior door. Okay. Not that any of this matters to you. I just. Ever since Chris texted us late last night, hey, hello. Are we going to film tomorrow at 11:30? And I said, I don't know. Lizzie's in a different state. Are we? And she has been nasty ever since that moment.

[Lizzie]

I don't. Was I nasty at the time? I said good night when you were home. Dreams girl.

[Ryland]

You were like, okay, okay.

[Lizzie]

Was I nasty?

[Ryland]

All of this to say. I think you owe me something for how nasty you've been to me.

[Lizzie]

Like what?

[Ryland]

I'm gonna need you to take me to Costco.

[Lizzie]

I'm going to Costco after this. Today.

[Ryland]

Today?

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

So I can join you?

[Lizzie]

Absolutely.

[Ryland]

Oh, they got. Yeah, I got out my Christmas tree and my Christmas decor last night.

[Lizzie]

You can buy fine doors for $69, bitch.

[Ryland]

69 through 4,000. I don't think the 69 door is gonna cut it for this.

[Lizzie]

They'll probably be nicer than these. There's holes in every door panel.

[Ryland]

Okay, I'll add it to the list that I need my handyman to do. If you haven't noticed, the hot lever in my guest bathroom has also been broken for a month.

[Lizzie]

I have, but I said nothing. Cause honestly, I don't even have a problem with your doors. You just were ridiculing me for my inability to shut them. Because you are shut.

[Ryland]

You're complaining about.

[Lizzie]

He's acting like I'm the problem. That's what my issue is. So if anybody's owed a thing like an apology, it may be me, because it's not that I'm the problem with the doors. Chris, have you ever been able to shut those doors?

[Guest]

They're hard to close.

[Ryland]

Oh, my gosh, you guys, I am so sorry that we have our own studio that's outside of the house where I don't have to scream at you.

[Lizzie]

We have doors at home. Shit. These are the doors at. Okay, yeah, I was on a road trip.

[Ryland]

No, I was talking.

[Lizzie]

We're going to Costco.

[Ryland]

Yeah, because I started pulling out my Christmas decorations, and for some stupid reason, I thought it would be a good idea to store them in the rat shed where everyone knows there's rats. I think they're Mice, honestly, Because there's a dead one in there and it's a mouse, it's not a rat. So it's like a little better than a rat, but like it's out, like at the very far end of what happened.

[Lizzie]

Or you just don't want to get them now because they're surrounded by dead mice.

[Ryland]

No, I was brave and I pulled them all out. The Christmas tree was fine. That balsam hill bag zips tight. But for some reason I put the garland in like one of those plastic containers that I always have to step over to get into the shed because the golf carts in the shed.

[Lizzie]

So it opens.

[Ryland]

So it opened and I was like, oh, they probably didn't get in because it's like, whatever. So I'm. I pull it up to the house and I have it sitting outside the door. I pull out the garland with my bare hands and I'm like, there's like fabric falling everywhere. And all of this. All that was in here was garland, where's the feather? I like just start drawing it out and then I like move my hand up the garland and it's a full blown mice nest.

[Lizzie]

No, they were all mice. I could rip your fingers off.

[Ryland]

Nest.

[Lizzie]

Did a bunch of mice in the.

[Ryland]

House into the house?

[Lizzie]

No, you did not.

[Ryland]

Thank God, the mice.

[Lizzie]

Was it dark out? How did you not see it?

[Ryland]

It was dark. It was 8pm I put the babies down and I was like, yeah. And so I'm just pulling it out.

[Lizzie]

I'm in a vomit.

[Ryland]

I'm like, oh, that's weird. I could barf right now. I'm. Because like, there wasn't any. There wasn't any mice there.

[Lizzie]

But there were.

[Ryland]

It was. I guess they had left, I don't.

[Lizzie]

Know, had left their plans that night.

[Ryland]

I thought I was being sanitary because there was only some mice poop on the lid of the garland. And so I sprayed it down with the hose and took the lid off. And so I guess if there were any mice in there, they left in like the hour or two that I had left it open outside, just sitting there. So then I'm like screaming at Shane. I'm like, well, do I just clean.

[Lizzie]

It off and keep the garland?

[Ryland]

He's like, no. Mice carry diseases. You burn it all and you go get new ones. And I was like, I don't have a Costco membership because I hate Costco. And he's like, just order it online. So I try to order it online. Guess what? You still have to have a membership to order things online.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, I would have given you mine.

[Ryland]

Well, I just figured if you're going to Costco, it's easier for me to go to Costco.

[Lizzie]

Girls. Let's go.

[Ryland]

Okay. Let's go to Costco, girls.

[Lizzie]

Yay.

[Ryland]

The tree survived, which, thank God, because I invested in a beautiful tree last year.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. How much was that tree?

[Ryland]

That thing's gorgeous. I think it was just over $1,000, but.

[Lizzie]

But won't buy a $69 door.

[Ryland]

No. This tree is so fabulous. And like, let me show you how gorgeous it's color. It does white warm lights. It does colored lights, and it does a color and white warm light mixture. It's flocked. It's large. Like, it's dusted with snow. Oh, yeah.

[Lizzie]

That is pretty gay that. You know what that is.

[Ryland]

I mean, I'm pretty heavy in the Christmas game at this point.

[Lizzie]

The Christmas game game.

[Ryland]

Yeah.

[Lizzie]

I noticed that with your decorations around the house. They're very festive.

[Chris]

Thank you.

[Ryland]

A little subtle, but festive.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Shane was like, it's like, I don't even know it's Christmas because we're so good. It's just like blending it into the house. And I was like, I can gay if I this for you?

[Lizzie]

Oh, yeah. It's very flamboyant.

[Ryland]

Well, we're just starting right in this moment now. Once you.

[Lizzie]

Oh, it's gonna get bigger.

[Ryland]

It gets lit up. On Wednesday, every single palm tree on.

[Lizzie]

The vicinity got lighting.

[Ryland]

I. Well, I. I've paid for lighting.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

And that was a big job. I met with four different people, and.

[Lizzie]

Well, I can't believe you decided to do that so quickly.

[Ryland]

Well, yeah, because I. If I'm gonna pay to do it, I want to enjoy it for as long as possible.

[Lizzie]

How long is it going to be up?

[Ryland]

At least until I'm gonna keep.

[Chris]

Probably keep the palm trees lit up.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Because it looks so pretty. Like when you go like, in Beverly Hills and all the palm trees are lit up.

[Lizzie]

Are they lit now?

[Ryland]

It's happening on Wednesday. Wednesday morning is the day. Every. Every bit of the roof line and all the palm trees. But for California, I'm just doing the warm white dope. Yeah.

[Lizzie]

Isn't that what you did in Colorado, too?

[Ryland]

No, we did like Christmas color. The trees were warm white.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

But the house. The roof line was red, white, and green.

[Lizzie]

I really like the warm white.

[Ryland]

Thanks a lot. We'll see how this looks.

[Lizzie]

It's very classy.

[Ryland]

Thanks. I'm very excited. I turned Frankenstein into Santa.

[Lizzie]

I saw that. And I thought that was photo Op or photo shop.

[Ryland]

And I put the tree that used to be in our shed outside in a pot and litter up a tree.

[Lizzie]

That used to be in the shed.

[Ryland]

Do you remember for Christmas year in years past, I bought like a Target artificial light up tree and it would sit here instead of the candle.

[Lizzie]

I have no memory of that. How sad is that?

[Ryland]

And if you guys notice, you just.

[Lizzie]

Tried to make Christmas special for us, and I just never noticed.

[Ryland]

Okay, well, now that I've gone for nine minutes.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Let's talk about you.

[Lizzie]

I think we shared the nine minutes.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

It felt like our nine minutes.

[Ryland]

It felt like I was getting out everything that needed to be out.

[Lizzie]

You feel like you've purged.

[Ryland]

Yeah. And now that you're taking me to Costco, all can be forgiven. I'm so excited to see what they have. Costco.

[Lizzie]

This is so funny because, like, I'm now on the opposite side of that coin. And I used to fucking love Costco.

[Ryland]

I only want to see their Christmas decor.

[Lizzie]

Stacy texted me because she needed someone to rage about Costco with this weekend.

[Ryland]

Like, hates it.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, she had a. She had a thing.

[Ryland]

Oh. She contacted me. I won't renew a membership.

[Lizzie]

I hate it so much.

[Ryland]

Well, because I've seen those really gay big teddy bears.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

I already have too much for the outdoors. I need to relax.

[Lizzie]

Put that inside.

[Ryland]

It's November 11th and I've like. I'm full tilt boogie.

[Lizzie]

You've nutted all over. Yeah. Are you gonna hate Christmas by the day after? Yeah.

[Ryland]

Oh, yeah. Like January or no, like December 26th.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Maybe even the night of Christmas.

[Lizzie]

Oh, my God. This bitch is so nuts. Oh, my God.

[Ryland]

For some reason, the holidays give me the ick afterwards. Like, thinking about Halloween now is so icky to me. I'm like. I don't even want to, like, hear a mention of Halloween anymore.

[Lizzie]

Crazy. You know what we needed to figure out?

[Ryland]

What?

[Lizzie]

Your kid's birthday. Oh, I've been talking about this since August. What are we gonna do? What do you mean?

[Ryland]

I don't.

[Lizzie]

I mean, I pitched a couple of ideas. He doesn't like any of them, but I figured because the boys really only like going to the grocery store, they should have a grocery store themed party.

[Ryland]

No, they like trick or treating. If we could make that normal all year round for my boys, we could.

[Lizzie]

We could do that. We could do that. Absolutely. And let's set the trunks up of the car so it feels like trick or treating.

[Ryland]

I would say Max likes the playground and Jet likes the grocery store. They're a little divided.

[Lizzie]

What are we doing for their birthday?

[Ryland]

Well, here's the thing, girls. I have no. I don't have anything against any mom or dad that wants to throw a huge, elaborate first birthday bash, but I don't think they'd enjoy it that much, and then it would be nap time. So it's like, yeah, but I want.

[Lizzie]

To bring my baby over and celebrate their birthday.

[Ryland]

I mean, we can do something. And I'll definitely get, like, something. I'll get, like, a. I'll get them a really fun cake.

[Lizzie]

Well, maybe we can make them a cake.

[Ryland]

I'm saying I'm not doing, like, a huge hurrah with, like, a big guest.

[Lizzie]

List and, like, no, there are no guests.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Birthday number two, there's gonna be a bash.

[Lizzie]

Oh.

[Ryland]

Because they'll be walking, they'll be talking, kind of comprehending, like, that will be a bash number one.

[Lizzie]

I'm like, I'll have Billy bring, like, explosives.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

Okay.

[Ryland]

Yeah. That's fun.

[Chris]

Thanks so much to SeatGeek for sponsoring today's podcast. You guys have thankfully used our code so much that SeatGeek wanted to continue their very special offer. Right now, everyone can use code SIP15 for 15% off any tickets on SeatGeek, whether you're a brand new customer or not. And concert season is back with artists like Billie Eilish, Charli xcx and Sabrina Carpenter all on tour. And you already know that Sea Geek is the best place to get your tickets. I'm seriously so excited about seeing Sabrina Carpenter.

[Ryland]

I just am so in love with her.

[Chris]

So if you've been eyeing tickets for yourself, right now is the time to do it, because SIP15 is going to get you 15% off your next order, no matter how many times you've bought tickets using SeatGeek before. So take out your phone, open the SeatGeek app, and add code SIP15 to your account. And do it now, because this offer is only available for a limited time.

[Ryland]

Okay. Take us back into your weekend.

[Lizzie]

Oh, I went on a road trip with my baby.

[Ryland]

That's wild.

[Lizzie]

It is wild, isn't it? I keep joking with him when it's like, well, who's going to sit with him in the backseat today? Well, this morning I was just like, Billy was wondering when we're getting back in the car, because his life is car now. Sweet boy.

[Ryland]

And did it take a lot longer with a baby?

[Lizzie]

No. Oh, just a little bit, because the schedule we have him on is so chill. Like, we just. And you can really Only have a newborn in a car seat for so long, and we have to charge the Tesla. Anyway, so I would. We planned it out to drive through his nap stretches, like, his longest naps.

[Ryland]

And then you guys would do little activities wherever you landed.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, we'd land. We'd put him in the stroller. We walk his little ass around, and I'd burp him and feed him, show him some stuff. Like, we stopped for sushi on the way home, and he had, like, a blast. Like, it was like a baby nightclub. It was the best time he's ever had in his life. He was sitting in his little. We took the car seat out of the stroller. So he's just sitting in the big boy stroller, which is a little too big for him, but it's like, we're not going anywhere. So it's. And he's all harnessed into it, and he was just going. Flopping his little arms and kicking his little legs. He's a little kicky boy. And going like, he does not shut the fuck up. He was having the best time. And then if he needed food or got a little bit fussy, like, the one dangerous thing I would do was hang my titty over his face in the car seat and feed him and just be like, sh. This is fine.

[Ryland]

Everybody's fine. Did anyone drive past you? Like, no. Were you giving free tips?

[Lizzie]

I don't think people can see him. Oh, yeah. Cause it's like I'm literally hanging over him like a cow udder. Like, no one can see. See my titty. But it was really good. He was so good the whole time. It was crazy. I just love him so much.

[Ryland]

You went for a birthday party?

[Lizzie]

Oh, we went for my goddaughter, Lily May, which is that the whole one, though?

[Ryland]

Because she. Billy actually met his grandma too.

[Lizzie]

Right. We stayed at Joe's mom's house because she lives in Arizona also, so he met his Nana Mog, or she calls herself Gigi.

[Ryland]

Was it cute? Like, was it a nice interaction?

[Lizzie]

He really likes his grandma. He basically slept through Lily's party. And Lily fucking hates me.

[Ryland]

Well, it's because she can't stop thinking about me, which is disgusting. Rye. Ry.

[Lizzie]

She walks right up to you and says, rye.

[Ryland]

Rye.

[Lizzie]

She sees me and she's horrified. Well, I mean, what have you ever done for her?

[Ryland]

A lot.

[Lizzie]

Name one thing.

[Ryland]

I hung out with her. Your whole baby shower.

[Lizzie]

Did you really? No.

[Ryland]

She's a toddler. She's on the move.

[Lizzie]

You just said, don't be weird. This is About Lizzie. I can't do fan meet and greets right now, but I brought Lily. Apparently, Haley told me Lily loves sardines, which I know to be true. She pulls the spines out and leaves the spines on the plate and then just likes to wolf down fucking sardines. And so I bought her a bunch of sardines for her birthday and she acted like she didn't care. Did you see the video?

[Ryland]

I don't think so.

[Lizzie]

Oh, do you want to see it? And we can plug it in if.

[Ryland]

It'S not going to take you a long time to find.

[Lizzie]

No, it probably won't take me a long time to find. Of course it won't take me a long time to find.

[Ryland]

Chris and I had a fun weekend.

[Lizzie]

You and Chris hung out the weekend?

[Ryland]

Yeah, of course we did.

[Lizzie]

What was that about?

[Ryland]

Well, actually, I'm a little mad about at you about this.

[Lizzie]

Okay. I found the video.

[Ryland]

Okay. Oh, I did see this. I just didn't know what it was.

[Lizzie]

It's not a box of sardines in extra virgin olive oil. She doesn't give a she love.

[Ryland]

No, she. She's like, dad, give me the next gift.

[Lizzie]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ryland]

Happy birthday.

[Lizzie]

She literally asked for that.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

In not so many words. Anyway, hi, Lily Mae. I love you.

[Ryland]

So does Uncle Ry Rai.

[Lizzie]

Look at my face. Learn it.

[Ryland]

Remember this face. We can't hear you.

[Lizzie]

I know, because I need her to see my face. I think she just didn't recognize me because I didn't have a huge fucking microphone in my face. Okay, Lily, it's me.

[Ryland]

Last minute, a SDP photo shoot came together. Well, really, Shane had to shoot his merch. And then Shane was just frantically asking everyone if they were available, and I was like, I already know Lizzie's not available. She's in Arizona. But now I'm pissed because the photos turned out really cute and we could have had a new photo for our podcast. And now I just have cute photos by myself.

[Lizzie]

Do you know that I showed someone a contract anymore?

[Ryland]

No, I could just rebrand it as me.

[Lizzie]

Did you see, like, BFFs podcast basically did that this week. They were like, you know, we were going to cancel this show, and it's like, this was going to be our last episode and it's like. Wait, extrapolate on that. What? But it wasn't. Anyway, anyway, yeah, rebranded as you. See how far that gets you? Because me, Deborah and Klanger, we're leaving. You have another one, Clanger.

[Ryland]

I've never heard of this.

[Lizzie]

You interacted with you have we texted about Clanger? Last week.

[Ryland]

Oh, what?

[Lizzie]

Did you interact with him in the comment section?

[Ryland]

Was I mad?

[Lizzie]

I don't know.

[Ryland]

What was this about?

[Lizzie]

I don't know. You said you just sent me a comment that you were interacting with someone and I was like, that's my hater. He's my day one hater on my vlogs. Oh, I had one nasty comment on my first vlog, which if you watch it, you know is a really sad vlog.

[Ryland]

First vlog.

[Lizzie]

My first vlog ever. Yeah.

[Ryland]

Oh, like period.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Okay. And he's been with you since then?

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

So he loves you.

[Lizzie]

He's a real one. I love him. I'm assuming the gender is male just because of his icon, but it could be anyone.

[Ryland]

Well, what's the icon?

[Lizzie]

It's like a little Scottish looking troll. I love him.

[Ryland]

Okay. What did he do on your first vlog?

[Lizzie]

He said my stove looked disgusting.

[Ryland]

Oh, did it?

[Lizzie]

Yeah. Well, it's not wrong.

[Ryland]

Constructive criticism or hater.

[Lizzie]

No, he's just calling out the obvious. And you know what? For those visually impaired, I'm sure they appreciate it. They also can't read your comment clinger.

[Ryland]

I like that they just state it though. Like, no opinion. Like, not like you're nasty, just like, the stove is disgusting. Yeah. It's like, oh, cool.

[Lizzie]

You're not wrong.

[Ryland]

Thanks.

[Lizzie]

I noticed that too. Anyway, while I was on this road trip with my baby where he was very well behaved, I would. Like we're in a tight proximity, but I noticed, like, I still suck at burping. Mostly it just happens by accident. If I pick him up the right way and he'll just go. But it's like the biggest burp ever. It feels like my hair. He's been holding, like my hair Brussels. And like my cheeks flutter in the wind of his burp a little bit.

[Ryland]

It's like Beyonce's fan guy comes out of the woodwork.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. Are your baby. Do your babies burp like that? Is this just my kid or is it because his burps are congested? Condensing because I suck at getting them out.

[Ryland]

I guess it just depends on the day. I really love the.

[Lizzie]

Have you ever felt like your cheeks rippling with the fucking wind of their burps?

[Ryland]

No, it's mostly it's the timing that gets me. Like they have comedic timing with their burps. More so than them being, like strong and powerful blowing me away.

[Lizzie]

Do they still need to be burped or.

[Ryland]

No. And it's wonderful. It's so Great.

[Lizzie]

I feel like, Billy, I do need to be burped, but I can't rely on you for it. So I shall burp on my own.

[Ryland]

Well, we've been talking about how he's advanced, and I guess that is like a metaphor for life, you know, like, all of us hovering parents. It's like a lot of our parents didn't. Weren't, like, as crazy as us parents today, and here we are.

[Lizzie]

To tell us that, and now we're.

[Ryland]

Like, so we're so quick to also, like, do everything for our kids that it's like, are we doing too much for our kids? I mean, they're baby babies.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, I was gonna say my kid can't hold his head up, so I'm not sure I'm doing too much for him, but I will.

[Ryland]

I just mean as we move forward in life, right? You know, like, as they're 2, 3, 4, like, they need to learn some hard.

[Lizzie]

I'm going to go ahead and say, like, no, like, I'm not okay. Oh, like, someone should have done a little more for me, you know, so I'm not.

[Ryland]

My mom really did the most for me. So I guess.

[Chris]

I don't know.

[Lizzie]

You seem well.

[Ryland]

I feel well most of the time.

[Lizzie]

You seem well. I think she killed it. Hell yeah, Vicky.

[Ryland]

Hell yeah, Vicky.

[Lizzie]

Also, can we talk about Vicky on the thumbnail of the SDP this weekend?

[Ryland]

What about it?

[Lizzie]

She left no crumbs.

[Ryland]

And I got really cute photos with. There's a really cute one of just me and her and then me, her and Shane. I probably should have posted it on my Instagram. Instagram?

[Lizzie]

Never too late.

[Ryland]

I just never post photos on Instagram.

[Lizzie]

Oh, well, then I guess it is too late, huh?

[Ryland]

Yeah, I'm more of a story girl. I can't really commit to a photo.

[Lizzie]

I posted on my feed.

[Ryland]

You do? Oh, Halloween.

[Lizzie]

How? Oh, I posted twice on my feed.

[Ryland]

Where did I miss?

[Lizzie]

You commented on both. You literally.

[Ryland]

Oh, you're great hair.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

You really, like, were looking good in.

[Lizzie]

The hair, which is crazy because it's literally the same hair. I just got out of the shower, didn't brush it, and went to the show. And when I say the show, I mean the party.

[Ryland]

I'm really tired and any other takeaways? Do you drag anyone? Do you have to? Like, what happened in Arizona? What goes wrong?

[Lizzie]

We were so tired because it was so stressful getting there.

[Ryland]

Oh, yeah.

[Lizzie]

Like, it's. The baby was totally fine, but it's like you build up a lot of anxiety.

[Ryland]

Do you Want to talk about how it's an Olympic sport?

[Lizzie]

It really is an Olympic sport, getting out of the house. No, it's not.

[Ryland]

Well, you don't have two.

[Lizzie]

No, it is. It was awful because we were trying to get out. We were trying to get out at the perfect time so that he would fall asleep right at his first long nap.

[Ryland]

It always takes 20 minutes longer to.

[Lizzie]

Get out of the house. It always takes at least 20 minutes longer to get out of the house. And that's why I told Joe. I was like, joe, we're leaving at 11. We got out of the house at 11:56.

[Ryland]

That's why when I was went to the farm, I was like, oh, it was a battle because it's like I had planned it out like to the minute and then it's like, even with me, like yelling at Shane and my mom directives, it's like, it's not still gonna take 20 minutes no matter what.

[Lizzie]

And then on the way home, I tried to like, really like. I was like, if we leave right now, we can go to Texas Roadhouse and he'll be asleep in the car immediately after by his nap time. We didn't get out of the house until it was his nap time. So we first. We missed the first nap stretch. Had to around in Arizona till like 2:30, then we could hit the road.

[Ryland]

So what time did you arrive home last night?

[Lizzie]

Nine.

[Chris]

Wow.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

And here you are this morning in.

[Lizzie]

A great mood, being so kind.

[Ryland]

I almost was like, chris and I will take this one on our own.

[Lizzie]

Okay, bye. Wait, what is this? Everyone stop eating. Oh, I posted that.

[Ryland]

Okay, so stop it. What are you guys doing?

[Lizzie]

Everyone stop eating. I've got a question for a friend. A friend might have shit themselves recently, but it wasn't me. It was a friend that I know very intimately.

[Ryland]

Your husband?

[Lizzie]

No, it was me.

[Ryland]

Was it all over the place?

[Lizzie]

It was just in my panties. I was wearing big panties.

[Ryland]

Lizzy also is assuming I wore thongs this morning.

[Lizzie]

Who doesn't assume thongs? Sound off in the comments below. Do all of you just assume this motherfucker is wearing lady panties?

[Ryland]

I have way too many ass issues for thongs. I mean, I already feel like, oh, that would be awful.

[Lizzie]

I feel like my ass is better protected in a thong.

[Ryland]

Men wear thongs.

[Lizzie]

Of course they do. That's why they make.

[Ryland]

Are you wearing a thong? No.

[Lizzie]

Chris definitely wears thongs. Also, I was listening to the SDP on the way here. Chris talking about his hickeys. Fudgeing. You killed me, bro. You don't have to talk about how you like to have rough sex because you have a hickey. You know what I mean? It's. You're like, I don't want to talk about this in front of Vicki. And then you look her right in the eyes and you go, I like to have really violent, fucked up, rough sex. And in fact, they're not even hickeys. They're burns. I have burns along my throat after my fucked up, rough sex. And we do scatological play. Vicki, Two Girls One cup was about me. It was a biopic about my life. And I'm just like, chris, just say. Just say they're hickeys. You know what I mean? Like, I just like having my neck sucked. I don't know. Or nothing.

[Ryland]

Surprisingly, I actually wear the baggy boxers. The tight ones are too constrictive. And I feel like eliminate my sperm count.

[Lizzie]

Joe feels the same way. He wears, like a loose brief.

[Ryland]

I wear a loose, tight brief. Oh, no, it's like loose.

[Lizzie]

It's like a T shirt material.

[Ryland]

Yes, but it's not the. Like, it's not.

[Lizzie]

It's not restrictive.

[Ryland]

It's not restrictive.

[Lizzie]

No.

[Ryland]

And I don't do the skinny jeans anymore. Although these have been through the dryer one too many times.

[Lizzie]

You let your balls breathe.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. I love that for you.

[Ryland]

And I think I'm like, more in a dad era anyways. Like, whose business do I have a young dad wearing clothes that are too tight?

[Lizzie]

No. No one's business.

[Ryland]

Right.

[Lizzie]

Well, here's what I'm wondering. Moms, do your poops give you warning? Like, do they call out a warning? Like, don't ever let life pass you by because you could be pooping, right?

[Ryland]

What do you mean you can't stop it? Even though it's like, you know.

[Lizzie]

Well, it's not me. It's not me. Someone's a friend.

[Ryland]

Cause sometimes I'll be like, walking. Really gets it going. So this walking treadmill, something like, it's gotta happen right now. And there's not a bathroom out here.

[Lizzie]

So, like, you just shit yourself?

[Ryland]

No, I just hold it in. I practice my Kegel.

[Lizzie]

I no longer have a Holden.

[Ryland]

Oh, that's probably on pregnancy.

[Lizzie]

Okay. Is it? I'm asking moms in the pawdience, can you let me know? Like, do you guys, like, have control of your. Like, do you not Like, a friend of mine just wants to know, what.

[Ryland]

About your pee hole?

[Lizzie]

I can hold my pee like a motherfucker. I could hold my pee through an, like, a 12 hour deposition.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

I would myself non stop through that time, though. I literally. It's crazy. It's like, you know, I never had warnings before. I was like, I'm now. But I could at least hold it till I got to the toilet. Bro, I can't hold it till I get to the toilet anymore.

[Ryland]

So lots of skid marks. When you're wearing a thong, does it split?

[Lizzie]

No, but I was wearing big panties. I was wearing big panties. This is why I like a thong better because I feel like the thong holds it in.

[Ryland]

No, the thong would split it apart.

[Lizzie]

Oh, Chris has some information.

[Ryland]

Oh, yeah. We really just dragged you without giving you a voice too.

[Guest]

I was just going to what you were saying about. I googled and it said yes. Some moms do experience difficulty with bowel control after pregnancy and childbirth. So you're not alone.

[Ryland]

You're not like. Hold on. Leave that on for a second. You're also not like other girls, right? You had your bowels cut open.

[Lizzie]

True.

[Ryland]

So true. I wonder.

[Lizzie]

Oh, my God, I wonder if I'm shitting myself. What the fuck? That's so lame. Sue those motherfuckers. I'm trying. I just need to get my wherewithal to sit down and start the paperwork. It's a lot of paperwork. Like, I'm the victim. They should do my paperwork so that they can sue themselves for me. The fuck?

[Ryland]

Okay, Chris, also.

[Lizzie]

Hold on.

[Ryland]

Shut up, Chris. I don't. I don't have to talk.

[Lizzie]

Well, Chris, do you want to talk? Like, do you like, it sounds like you don't want us to know about your rough sex, but you, like, don't know that you can't.

[Guest]

Well, okay, on the podcast, one, I panic every time someone asks me anything. It's still. I. I'll never get used to being on the podcast.

[Lizzie]

Right.

[Guest]

But two, when Shane asked, he was like, how are you getting hickeys?

[Lizzie]

Right?

[Guest]

And that, I don't know. That felt like the explanation. It was like, I'm not. Because I.

[Lizzie]

Can I just say, as an audience member, the explanation, also senseless.

[Ryland]

What do you mean?

[Lizzie]

Because a hickey is so intentionally a.

[Guest]

Hickey, it feels pretty intimate, but it's not intentional. That's what I was trying to explain.

[Lizzie]

No, but that's where I call bullshit, because.

[Guest]

But that's the truth.

[Ryland]

Okay, let's not get in the fight about our hickeys, girls.

[Lizzie]

No, but I just mean, like, that's crazy because you have to suck so hard. It has to be like you're trying to give it's also interesting.

[Guest]

That's why I was explaining that it's rough because I'm getting bitten and sucked everywhere. Aggressively. I'm also biting. See, now we're going back into.

[Lizzie]

Right. No, I totally get that. What do you like? So you're getting so rough. Sex incorporates, like, octopus level suckage.

[Ryland]

I don't like sucking. I like biting.

[Lizzie]

I get the biting. I get the bite.

[Ryland]

I'm not much of a sucking.

[Lizzie]

You've lost me at the sucking.

[Ryland]

I get the.

[Lizzie]

Not your dick.

[Guest]

Both biting and sucking. But also I. And I tried to explain this too. I genuinely have sensitive skin. Like, it's like, it doesn't take much. Like, if you. If you're just like, a little, like, I probably have a hickey.

[Lizzie]

Like, interesting. Let's get CSI in here.

[Ryland]

I think we're just old, married. Jealous.

[Lizzie]

No, I'm just.

[Ryland]

Ourselves.

[Lizzie]

No, I just mean, like, literally, like, even in the heyday of, like, let's give each other hickeys. I like. And I have very sensitive skin. I have ginger to give you a.

[Ryland]

Hickey next week, sir.

[Lizzie]

I'll try. We'll try. We'll try.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

But I'm gonna film how hard he has to suck because it's like. That is like an. Like. That's like a shame.

[Ryland]

And it's weird that he acted like he didn't remember. I remember working at Clever and having the makeup artist being like, you have to cover this up.

[Lizzie]

I just heard you say that on the way here. So funny. Deja vu for me.

[Ryland]

Oh, I said that on his broadcast, too. Cool. Sorry, everyone.

[Lizzie]

No, it's okay. I just think it's so funny. But yeah. That was wild, bro. I think we need to do, like, a Mythbusters on this hickey situation. We're gonna have some rough sex with Chris, and then we're gonna walk away.

[Ryland]

It tastes like five different men in five different areas of Chris's body.

[Lizzie]

I just figured you and I would rough fuck him.

[Ryland]

Okay. That could go on Onlyfans.

[Lizzie]

Yes, it could.

[Ryland]

What if one of us gets you pregnant and we have to do some gypsy rose sh. Like doing the paternity. I saw it. Oh, it's pretty weak Hot Topics list.

[Lizzie]

I know there's three. I did it this morning.

[Ryland]

I think we'll start with the. Are we the customer service edition.

[Lizzie]

Oh, I bet we are.

[Ryland]

I. Me too.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, I bet we are.

[Ryland]

Okay, so you pussied. I was like, is that pissed I pussied?

[Lizzie]

No, I pussied.

[Ryland]

Well, it's not every day that I see pussy typed out.

[Lizzie]

I'm not even sure I wrote it right. How do you guys spell pussied?

[Ryland]

Sound off in the comments.

[Lizzie]

Pussied. Okay, I think I'm saying it good. It sounds pretty good in the headphones. Pussied.

[Ryland]

Those things are so gross. Admit it.

[Lizzie]

I don't think they're gross. I think they're beautiful.

[Ryland]

I mean, I'm. I think they're beautiful, too.

[Lizzie]

Oh, you know what? I don't have permission to share this story, but I think I need to.

[Ryland]

Who's it about?

[Lizzie]

My goddaughter, Lily. Oh, I'm sure Haley doesn't mind. Lily found out that there's more than one reproductive anatomy this week. She walked into the bathroom on her dad changing and was like, daddy, no coochie. Like. Like, had, like, a little. I have to actually read exactly what Haley said because it's so funny. Her little mental breakdown about the fact that her dad doesn't have a coochie.

[Ryland]

She knows the word coochie.

[Lizzie]

Well, that's. I guess she had, like, a full mental breakdown about it.

[Ryland]

I mean, that would be odd to, like, only have seen one thing your whole life and then discover there's something else. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Lizzie]

Okay, here we go. Lily went into the bathroom, and Aaron, her dad, was getting dressed. I hear what? No coochie. Aaron's like, oh, God, get out of here. Boys have different stuff. Then she cried for 30 minutes because Dada wouldn't let her see his big coochie.

[Ryland]

Oh, my God.

[Lizzie]

That's what she's calling it. And we had to explain, mommies and daddies have different parts, and they are all private and, like, what the fuck?

[Ryland]

A coochie and a big coochie.

[Lizzie]

I want to see Daddy's big Gucci because she's curious. She doesn't know.

[Ryland]

I mean, that's devastating because it's like, you do want to know, but, like, you also, as the dad, you can't just be like, yeah, check this out. Like, no, you can't. But it's like. So I guess you get a diagram or what?

[Lizzie]

I don't know. That's when you get them the body book, maybe.

[Ryland]

She goes, oh, perfect.

[Lizzie]

He goes, I feel like explaining a vagina is less of a shock to a boy than being like, yeah, dad has an extra arm. She's devastated.

[Ryland]

She cried for 30 minutes. It's good to see it.

[Lizzie]

And Haley's decided to not correct the no coochie at this point, because all she needs is for Lily to be going around talking about data has a ding a ling like this is different.

[Ryland]

Wow. How old is she? Three.

[Lizzie]

Three?

[Ryland]

That was her third birthday.

[Lizzie]

What was her birthday? Under the sea Lily turns three.

[Ryland]

Cute.

[Lizzie]

Really cute.

[Ryland]

Wow.

[Lizzie]

Really cute.

[Ryland]

Haley really goes all out with these parties.

[Lizzie]

Yes, she does.

[Ryland]

Maybe I should hire her for the party planner.

[Lizzie]

You absolutely should.

[Ryland]

She really does the.

[Lizzie]

She kills it. And honestly, I think she gets all her shit on Amazon. So if you wanted, you could just tell her come up with a theme for the twins and have shit sent to my house.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

That would actually be pretty cute and fun. I'll set it up for you.

[Ryland]

Okay. Today's podcast is sponsored by Rocket Money.

[Chris]

A personal finance app that I fell in love with once I became a dad because having and maintaining a budget became a top priority of mine. Rocket Money helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. What I love about Rocket Money is that you can see all of your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For any subscriptions you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them. With just a few taps.

[Ryland]

Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear.

[Chris]

View of your expenses across all accounts. There's no more having to log into your credit card statement and then your bank account.

[Ryland]

It's all right there and you can.

[Chris]

See exactly what's coming in versus what's going out. You can easily create a personalized budget with Rocket Money with custom categories to help keep your spending on track. You can also see your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where your money's going.

[Ryland]

I like that you get alerts if.

[Chris]

A bill increases in price, if there's any unusual spending activity, or if you're close to going over on your budget. The new Goals feature automatically saves money for you without even having to think about it. So whether your goal is to pay off credit card debt, put away money for a house, or just build your savings, Rocket Money makes it easy. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com sip that's rocketmoney.com sip rocketmoney.com sip.

[Ryland]

Oh, I forgot my boys are like standing and walking. Not walking without assistance, but they're like walking jet jet Will pull himself up to stand. But Max has now discovered standing. And so he stands in his crib. Like, whenever he wakes up from his nap or before he goes down, he just pulls himself up and then he walks around the crib with. Not, like, by himself with the railing. He's discovered he can move while standing.

[Lizzie]

Horrifying.

[Ryland]

And now everything he sees needs to be stood on. Whether it's a person, he needs to stand on the person or stand on, like, all the gliders in the room. We have three because there's twins and multiple people. He'll crawl up to each glider and then pull himself up. And so I bought those, like, backpacks you see on Instagram to protect his noggin. Yeah. And then I got.

[Lizzie]

You have big fucking heads. Like, they're top heavy boys.

[Ryland]

I got a cute. Also, I am taking issue with a lot of these baby clothing departments because, like, that posh peanut is one that, like, a lot of, like, the moms love. My kids are too fucking fat for those clothes. Like, and I'm sizing up, so I'm getting, like, 12 months and above, and the length is right. But they're so tight. I'm like, my babies eat food they can't fit.

[Lizzie]

It's like your babies are being fat. Shame.

[Ryland]

Yes.

[Lizzie]

By posh peanut.

[Ryland]

Can you believe that? And they have a lot of cute clothes, actually.

[Lizzie]

By posh peanut. Yeah, I believe it.

[Ryland]

Oh, yeah, Absolutely.

[Lizzie]

I believe it. That's their brand.

[Ryland]

These almond moms.

[Lizzie]

They. They're like the Abercrombie for babies.

[Ryland]

Wow.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. They've got tiny, little shirtless babies standing in front of every posh peanut.

[Ryland]

They do.

[Lizzie]

No.

[Ryland]

Little baby models that they're like, you.

[Lizzie]

Stay with, like, chiseled abs that they've painted on them and they've sprayed a little. They can't even hold their own heads up.

[Ryland]

Oh, wow. Yeah. So it's very interesting, fun, and crazy, because for so long, I'm like, when is this gonna happen? And now I feel like everything's happening at once. They've dropped to two bottles a day. They're only having one when they wake up and at dinner, because they're eating real food throughout the day. And it' like, wow, they're men. It's all happening.

[Lizzie]

They're men.

[Ryland]

And so Lizzy was like, you need to get them one of those old people walkers. And I was like, you know what? You're right. And so it's here at my gate right now.

[Lizzie]

How fun. I know.

[Ryland]

I can't wait. She's gonna love that gonna love it.

[Lizzie]

Did you get two or one?

[Ryland]

Well, I got one for now to see how it goes. And then if they're both living, laughing, loving, they'll get another. I'll get another.

[Lizzie]

I bet they beat the shit out of each other to share that one.

[Chris]

That's all they do now.

[Ryland]

Yeah, it's very rare that there's a day where because they always want the toy that the other baby has. So then they just, like, beat each other for it already. And it's like, whoever wins, then the other one's crying because the other one won.

[Lizzie]

It's like gladiators, but no one dies.

[Ryland]

And we're just like, you've got to learn to share. And on rare occasions, they do share.

[Lizzie]

I love that. That's so sweet.

[Ryland]

Crazy.

[Lizzie]

Do we want to talk about what I pussied out of?

[Ryland]

Yeah.

[Lizzie]

Okay.

[Chris]

Wow.

[Ryland]

That was, like, 10 minutes ago.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, it's crazy. And I'm still just, like, stuck. It's like. Like, I'm, like, pussied. Like, all I want to say is, that's the story. Pussied.

[Ryland]

You didn't eat what we're gonna eat today, did you?

[Lizzie]

No. And I responded to your tag.

[Ryland]

No, you didn't. I asked you three times.

[Lizzie]

I responded to your text because that's your phone right now.

[Ryland]

The first thing in a long time that I'm like, oh, my God, I have to try that.

[Lizzie]

Oh, I thought the same thing.

[Ryland]

Because, like, Starbucks menu.

[Lizzie]

And I was gonna get it, but I was like, why would I get sick today for free when I could get sick tomorrow?

[Ryland]

You want to know what I did yesterday? I was, like, exhausted yesterday. I was tired and I was, like, craving some Taco Bell. I ordered two of those green chili bean burritos.

[Lizzie]

Crazy. See? Did you feel shitty after?

[Ryland]

No. Why?

[Lizzie]

Did we? Oh, we probably felt shitty because of that goddamn Slurpee.

[Ryland]

I think all the other stuff. Honestly, the bean burrito, it was fine.

[Lizzie]

Because last time, last week, we signed off and we went back through that drive through, and we got those burritos again. And then both of us were like, I can't finish this.

[Ryland]

I finished mine.

[Lizzie]

I didn't finish mine.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

And my baby fits in posh peanut.

[Ryland]

So does he. Oh, I'll give you. Well, it's just crazy. Their legs are the legs on the posh peanuts. I'm like, whose baby fits in that model?

[Lizzie]

Babies. Anyways, so I had my coloscopy last week.

[Ryland]

Colonoscopy?

[Lizzie]

No, my coloscopy. That's what they call it.

[Ryland]

A coloscopy, a scope.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

And I said, I can't do this. My fight or flight kicked in. Tried to murder the doctor. Then I was like, we should probably figure out something else because I'm not going to be able to let you do this.

[Ryland]

Why weren't you able to?

[Lizzie]

I. To be honest. So my therapist says it's impossible to be traumatized from birth.

[Ryland]

What?

[Lizzie]

Yeah. I was like, huh?

[Ryland]

She's like, that seems like.

[Lizzie]

No, she's like, well, technically, you can really only be traumatized by, like, a very violent situation or like a sexually violent situation. And it's like, what's more violent than, like, birth, bro? Like, not even, like, not even if. Even if your birth goes, like, as a birth should go. Like, that's pretty.

[Ryland]

I think we need a therapist. Like, this is why I don't have a therapist. Because all of them been like, this is like.

[Lizzie]

If you open a book of therapy and you're like, studying to be a therapist, the word trauma does not apply unless there is a significantly violent or something. Something.

[Ryland]

What if. If it triggers you in a way that makes you feel insane and crazy and gives you full body anxiety? Is that.

[Lizzie]

I would say I'm traumatized. Yeah.

[Ryland]

But.

[Lizzie]

But the fact is, I guess we're not acknowledging that labor and delivery is a particularly violent, traumatizing event, which is crazy because I got some scars, said I can't. I'm myself, so. But yeah, no, I had a meltdown. I could not do it. I started scream, crying. I was like, I just. I'm so sorry.

[Ryland]

Was Joe with you?

[Lizzie]

No, I was alone. Even if Joe was with me, I wouldn't have been able to do it. Like, I just don't.

[Ryland]

That. No, I just mean to, like, help you when you're crying.

[Lizzie]

Yo. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, my OB is really sweet, and the nurse that helps me and, like, facilitates everything is really, really sweet. But it's like fight or flight kicks in for me and I'm just like, I will fight you right now if you try to go into my snatch and take a sample. I can't. I just can't do it.

[Ryland]

So they're going to put you down?

[Lizzie]

They're going to put me down. They're going to sedate me. I'm going to.

[Ryland]

And it's absolutely necessary to put me down? Yes.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. Or they're not getting the sample.

[Ryland]

I know. I mean, to get the sample itself.

[Lizzie]

It is absolutely necessary. I was able to do a regular, like, pap smear and screening and the Screening came back positive again for the thing that could be cervical cancer. So I have to go back.

[Ryland]

Are you not. Are you, Jill?

[Lizzie]

No. Why do you think I'm so nasty to you? Oh, I'm taking my anger.

[Ryland]

I didn't know it was because of something real. You kind of sandwiched that. Like, you have to do it again in between, like, a lot of funny things and, like, birthday party things.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, because I'm on brand, so I.

[Ryland]

Didn'T know that it was like, that.

[Lizzie]

I have a brand to protect, that it was serious. No, it's not.

[Ryland]

And that's why you're lashing out at us.

[Lizzie]

No, I'm lashing out because I'm tired. But. And there's never an excuse to lash out. Always be kind.

[Ryland]

Do you want to apologize to all the women you've hurt on this podcast?

[Lizzie]

I'm sorry.

[Ryland]

Ryland and Olivia Munn and Ariana Grande?

[Lizzie]

No.

[Ryland]

Okay, then we'll stop.

[Lizzie]

I don't wanna know.

[Ryland]

Every cast member of Love is Blind. I'm sorry, too.

[Lizzie]

We don't know your names, but we feel, like, a little bit weird about being so brutally honest about your need for therapy.

[Ryland]

If I've ever said anything nasty about you guys, I don't hold it against you. Like, if I met you in real life. It's just a reality. It's just a reality show that I like to get impassioned by.

[Lizzie]

Right, right, right, right. I'm sure.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

No, I'm not. So the. I guess, like, screening's advanced now, and they can tell you what strand of HPV that you have. And there's two that are, like, very clear indicators of cervical cancer. And then the one that I have is not a very clear indicator of cervical cancer. But the fact that it's. That's present.

[Ryland]

They want to clear it.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. And so they can. The colposcopy is really just that. They look at your cervix, and if they see anything odd, they take a biopsy. My doctor says she likes to take a biopsy because we're here. Why not get that cleared? And I agree with that as well. When in doubt, cut it out, I always say. And the problem is, I just can't let her cut it out.

[Ryland]

When are you doing this? When are you going under?

[Lizzie]

I just got the results on Saturday.

[Ryland]

So of course it's you.

[Lizzie]

You just got a text from me.

[Ryland]

An unknown number answered on the vet.

[Lizzie]

Probably the vet. Hello? I'm good. I'm at work right now, but I would definitely like to confirm my appointment. For tomorrow at 10am awesome. Thank you. Bye.

[Ryland]

You're going to the vet, girl.

[Lizzie]

It was the vet. Poor Mr. Bubs. He has a rotten tooth.

[Ryland]

I need to check out my dog's tooth.

[Lizzie]

Which one?

[Ryland]

Honey, what's wrong?

[Lizzie]

Well, hold on, let me put my headphones on.

[Ryland]

She just said she had a cavity. The doctor, when they removed the last lump that was turned out not to be cancerous, but we removed it anyways. We did a dental cleaning and he said it was clear that one of the teeth had a cavity that looked like it was going through.

[Lizzie]

Oh, that's right.

[Ryland]

And just said it could be uncomfortable. He was like, it's not like it could just be uncomfortable for her. I can't tell how uncomfortable though.

[Lizzie]

She's doing a lot of licking. No, a lot of licking is indicative of a tooth problem.

[Ryland]

I know, but I still want to get it to a dog dentist.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, yeah, of course.

[Ryland]

Is your vet a dentist?

[Lizzie]

My vet does general cleanings and so.

[Ryland]

I need to go to a dentist.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, but I could get a referral from her. If you don't get a referral from your vet.

[Ryland]

He gave me one. I just have to find it.

[Lizzie]

Oh, okay.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Ryland]

Well, is that that?

[Lizzie]

I think so.

[Ryland]

Oh my God. We've been talking for 40 minutes, girl.

[Lizzie]

What are our hot topics though?

[Ryland]

They're so bad. I've never watched Yellowstone in my life. I'm not gonna start talking about it.

[Lizzie]

No, that's some hot ass drama. I don't give a that you don't watch it. I didn't watch it either, but this is some hot goss. And I think we talked about Kevin Costner exiting it earlier in the year. Do you not know what's been going on? Do you forget this? So weird that you'd forget something. So if you are Yellowstone fans or Kevin Costner fans or like you just like drama. This guy Taylor Sheridan who writes the show Yellowstone also writes a few other shows and all these shows kind of came out hot and strong, right? Like we're all like, like yeah, Yellowstone. So good. Oh my God, like 1984. Whatever. The, the move the show was about, like the origin story of Yellowstone. Like that was fire. So good. And then Taylor Sheridan got like a little crazy because he's like I'm the master of the universe and watch me slang this dick around.

[Ryland]

Like that's the problem with success.

[Lizzie]

It is.

[Ryland]

You can't let it go to your head.

[Lizzie]

And some of us do. Look at me, I'm a monster. And Taylor Sheridan became a monster and the show got really shitty and like his scheduling got all fucked up. And then Kevin Costner, who's also a huge star, was like, I can't wait around forever for Taylor Sheridan decided he wants to come back to work. So I'm not coming back to work. So Kevin Costner quit the show that he is the star of and was a producer on, and they have to rectify that in the middle of a season. So it's basically like when an actor dies. But Kevin Costner's not dead. He just doesn't want to work anymore.

[Ryland]

With somebody that he can't work with.

[Lizzie]

Right.

[Ryland]

Wow. Seems a little bit like what's gonna happen with Euphoria.

[Lizzie]

Right? And so what's crazy is all of us have known that Kevin's been off the show since like May and the show premiered finally, like on Sunday night.

[Ryland]

And he's in it to start and then he's just gonna disappear.

[Lizzie]

Well, that's what the question was gonna be. And I'm gonna put my fingers up because now we're gonna start the spoilers for Yellowstone. I will also say I have not seen the episode because I'm gonna watch it today with my husband. I've been drinking non alcoholic be. I have a beer with my husband before bed now and I feel like a regular girl who doesn't have a drinking problem because if I was drinking a real beer, it wouldn't just be one, but it's like I can have one and be done and it's very fun for me. And tonight I plan to watch Yellowstone and have a beer with my husband. Anyways, moving on from that. It's so fun.

[Ryland]

Maybe put out the garland.

[Lizzie]

No, not yet. It's fucking November 11th, dude.

[Ryland]

Grow up.

[Lizzie]

Anyway, they kill Kevin Costner off in the first episode.

[Guest]

Whoa.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, he's not even in it. They have like a body double for him, literally. And it's like audience members are like, this is bad. And what's so funny is like one of the eps is like, it's been really weird because we've been talking about his death as if everyone doesn't already know it has to happen that way. And so they're like using code words for it. Like, well, the character's name, his code word, his code name was Crosby. And instead of saying dying, we're saying arriving. But it's like being so cloak and dagger about something that like girl, we've been known. Like, he told us that he was exiting.

[Ryland]

Wow.

[Lizzie]

From the gets.

[Ryland]

And is it. Are you going to be able to Watch without him.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Okay. Back down.

[Lizzie]

Okay.

[Ryland]

I think we'll take the customer service. Are we the asshole thing in the car?

[Lizzie]

Why not weigh in on all of these things that I've pulled up? Gypsy Rose has paternity tested her. Has prenatal paternity tested her. Her infant. Gypsy Rose Blanchard, who you know from such things as the massacre of her mother.

[Ryland]

Jesus Christ. Is that word appropriate? Doesn't that it?

[Lizzie]

No, it's not appropriate. I'm using hyperbole because they work in the media.

[Ryland]

Okay?

[Lizzie]

It's called clickbait. Look it up.

[Ryland]

The baby daddy's Ken. It's not Ryan. It's not Ryan. It's Ken. So there you go.

[Lizzie]

And Ryan's like, acting now. Oh, Ryan can't keep Gypsy's name out of his mouth because he makes money on Tik Tok using it. Should we start using Gypsy's name more? Gypsy.

[Ryland]

And then the Grammy nominations, I didn't see anything about other than I saw Sabrina Carpenter post that. She got a lot of them.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. And do we watch the Grammys?

[Ryland]

I mean, I will watch the Grammys, but I can't get invested right now. And, like, who was nominated and who wasn't. I'll, like, find out when the show comes.

[Lizzie]

I don't know that I'll even find out when the show comes.

[Ryland]

Well, we'll hear about it because you'll be looking at news. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

[Lizzie]

It. Okay, okay, okay. Are we really going to find out in the car or should we just do it now?

[Ryland]

You want to do a couple right now?

[Lizzie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

Cuz last week you dick teased us. And I know we'll forget about.

[Ryland]

Here are 13 controversial things people do as customers. Are they obnoxious or reasonable?

[Lizzie]

Okay.

[Ryland]

Asking to speak to a manager when you don't like the answer you're getting from your server to. Or a retail associate.

[Lizzie]

Reasonable. Reasonable. But society has shamed us and made us believe that that's Karen behavior. But really, sales associates, y'all are lack these days. When I was a sales associate, I was on some let me check the back shit, you know what I'm saying? Oh, you want that? Let me call another store and see if I can get it shipped to your fucking house free of charge. I would say because I worked on commission, you bitches work on commission to get that check.

[Ryland]

I would say you doing situationally, like, in the right situation, I can be okay with asking for the manager, but I can't recall the last time I have and I can't think of something right now that would make. Oh, I did do that. Yeah. If you steal my things out of my hotel room in Vegas, it was.

[Lizzie]

Trash in a bag that looked like a trash trash.

[Ryland]

There were phone chargers that cost me $40 because we bought them in the hotel.

[Lizzie]

Oh, that's right.

[Ryland]

And there was also all the toiletries that we walked 30 minutes down the strip to get because it's still mad. There was a toothpaste mouthwash.

[Lizzie]

Literally, I spent a thousand dollars on a Christmas tree. But don't throw away my travel size toothpaste or I will.

[Ryland]

You're paying for an expensive room at a nice hotel and that. I think they took our stuff. So. Yeah, I'll call the manager then. And I'm not going to think it's a Karen about it. Actually, I'll tell the world about it. I'll stand in it. All right.

[Lizzie]

I'm going to monetize it. Bitch.

[Ryland]

Chris, would you ever ask for the manager?

[Lizzie]

No, he wouldn't.

[Guest]

No, I wouldn't. I don't know. I also like, when I worked in retail, the only time, in my experience, only time anyone ever asked for a manager was an unreasonable situation. Like there was almost never a time someone was like, calmly, normally for like an appropriate thing.

[Lizzie]

Well, that's what's so annoying. Because like, appropriate thing. People are like, I don't need to escalate this because they're not crazy. But a crazy person's always willing to escalate.

[Ryland]

Yeah. Okay. Trying to return something a few days past the 30 day return window.

[Lizzie]

Oh, you're an asshole.

[Ryland]

Let's assume the item is unused and unopened. Do you think that's rude?

[Lizzie]

Yeah, I do.

[Ryland]

I just don't. I. I have like, things that I intended to turn from return from Amazon in my garage from a year ago.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

And now they're still sitting there and.

[Lizzie]

I'm like, oh, God, guess this is mine.

[Guest]

Yeah, I would, I would never.

[Lizzie]

No, if you don't respect the return policy, then you're the asshole.

[Ryland]

And I think they should just tell you.

[Lizzie]

No, they.

[Ryland]

Sorry.

[Lizzie]

They do.

[Ryland]

So. Yeah.

[Lizzie]

What I don't like though is when you're just trying something. You know what I mean? You're like, listen, I'm 12 minutes past the 24 hour policy. I get it. Can we try this? You can tell me. No, I'll. Off they go, let me get my manager. And it's like, we don't need to get your manager. And you can just tell me. No, I'm not trying to do anything.

[Guest]

I will say if it was like, a day after when I worked at JCPenney, I would return it. Still. I'm like, it's a day.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. So, like, I'm always working on a client relationship as a shop girl. Like, how can I make this person like me enough to come back and work with me again instead of some other bitch on the floor? Because I want a bigger check.

[Ryland]

Okay. I feel like we're gonna have differing opinions here. Sending a dish back at a restaurant because it wasn't to your liking. Let's assume nothing was wrong with the food. You just ordered something that you happen to.

[Lizzie]

Not like, oh, no, we'll agree on this. You're an. I did this. I did this last night. I ordered a sushi roll, and it came, and I was like, this looks disgusting, and it's totally right. I'm just. I cannot eat this. So I did not return. Joe was like, just tell him. And I was like, no, I. I literally cannot do that.

[Ryland]

See, I would just pay for it, leave it on the table, and order something else.

[Lizzie]

That's what I.

[Ryland]

Because it's like the restaurant is using their resources to do this. Margins are already so thin, and it's so hard for businesses to stay afloat nowadays. I do think you're the asshole. But it's also hard for people to justify going out to eat because it's also expensive.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. And I agree with all of that. But if you get exactly what you asked for, don't take a risk. Yeah. And you don't like it, that's on you. I will say this. I will send something back if it is. If they fucked it up.

[Ryland]

Yeah. Like, if I order a steak rare and they send it to you, well done. I wouldn't, because I like my steak more cooked, but you know what I mean.

[Lizzie]

At Texas Roadhouse yesterday, for example, my baked potato was room temperature.

[Ryland]

Did you send her back?

[Lizzie]

I really. I thought about it like I had a napping baby. So it's like, what am I gonna do? Wait for them to bring my potato back or just cram this down my face and not act like every meal I have is ice cold?

[Chris]

Agreed.

[Guest]

We're all in agreement.

[Ryland]

Okay. In a dressing room at a store, leaving all the clothes you don't want with the attendant instead of putting them back where you got them?

[Lizzie]

I will never put the clothes back. I will always leave them with the attendant.

[Ryland]

I've done both.

[Guest]

I spaced out. Can you say it again?

[Lizzie]

I'm so sorry. It's Very complicated. You try clothes on. Do you put them back when you're done trying them on, or do you.

[Ryland]

Le them in the fitting room? I mean, it's. It's hard because it's like, you want to be like, I'm a great person that does that. But they literally employ people to be on the fitting rooms. Like, that's their job is being like, do you need anything else? And then you see them organizing. Like, and if I'm wrong, if you work in retail and that's like, not your job, you're just there. Honestly, I. When I worked at the Gap, I kind of liked that because it gave me some views.

[Lizzie]

When I worked retail, we didn't have a person who was specifically set to put everything away. We would just do go backs.

[Chris]

Right.

[Ryland]

What do you do, Chris?

[Guest]

I. I barely shop. And when I do, it's at Ross. And at Ross, I know exactly where everything is. So it's normally a shirt. And I normally do.

[Lizzie]

Girl, Nobody fucking knows where anything is at Ross. What are you talking about?

[Guest]

It's like a row of mediums, men's shirts that are all hung in the same spot.

[Lizzie]

No. So. Okay.

[Guest]

You know what I mean?

[Lizzie]

So Ross is a clusterfuck. So no matter what, you can put something anywhere and it is away.

[Guest]

So I just put the medium back in the medium. It's very simple.

[Lizzie]

It's about as easy as putting your cart back in a grocery store.

[Ryland]

What do you guys do in that situation?

[Lizzie]

You put your cart back at the grocery store always.

[Ryland]

It really drives me crazy, though. These stores that don't have the cart slots.

[Lizzie]

What? What stores don't have the cart?

[Ryland]

There's some grocery stores around here that don't have slots. Like, you have to go all like. And if I've parked at the back because I have a truck and it's bigger, I have to then walk all the way back to the grocery store, which I do. But it's annoying.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

And sometimes I won't lie, if there's a stack of three carts that somebody else has started their own line because.

[Chris]

There isn't a cart line.

[Ryland]

I'll put mine into the cart line.

[Guest]

Do you know cart narcs?

[Ryland]

No.

[Guest]

It's my favorite thing. It's these guys that go around and they're like, you forgot to put your cart back. And they're like. And they, like, make a video about it.

[Lizzie]

Should we do that?

[Ryland]

It's kind of funny.

[Lizzie]

I'd love to be a cart nar.

[Ryland]

Wow.

[Lizzie]

I don't know if I have I don't know if I have the dick for that. Like, that seems like a big dick thing to do. You know what I mean? Because I'm not a good person, and I don't. Like, the karma's coming for me if I start Cart Narcan.

[Ryland]

Okay. Not tipping your server when the service is terrible.

[Lizzie]

Oh, I won't tip. I will withhold tip if I'm not with Ryland.

[Ryland]

I always tip.

[Lizzie]

I know. And that's crazy.

[Ryland]

And, yeah, it's to ensure.

[Lizzie]

It's to ensure prompt service. And it's not my fault that for some reason, the establishment has decided to underpay their employees and make me pay extra for them to have employees.

[Ryland]

And I think I relied on that as my livelihood for so long on of feeling like now that I don't do that and I can tip. I just like to be a generous tipper. And I just assume that if they gave me horrible service, some, they had an awful day or they're slammed.

[Lizzie]

I will say this. It has to be abhorrent service for me to not tip.

[Chris]

Right?

[Lizzie]

Like, the only time I've ever not tipped is when someone. I ordered a wedge salad. They brought me, like, a whole leaf lit of romaine lettuce that had dirt on it. It and was no way a wedge salad.

[Ryland]

Well, don't you want to punch the chef, not the server?

[Lizzie]

No. I told the server, and in that situation, it's like, take it back.

[Ryland]

Take it back. Take it off the bill and give them something for free.

[Lizzie]

He. Yeah. He goes, that's a bummer.

[Ryland]

Oh, you're like, your tip's gonna be a bummer, too.

[Lizzie]

I was like, well, I guess we're gonna go.

[Guest]

I understand. Both. Both make sense to me. I like, out of guilt, always, always tip. But my tip, it changes the amount.

[Ryland]

If it's, like, horrible, I can get behind that. Like, I could get behind being like, okay, this was awful. So, like, I'm gonna give you the minimum, right. Sitting down at a restaurant for dinner 10 minutes before they close. I think you're a fucking asshole.

[Lizzie]

Also, restaurants close pretty late. Why the fuck would you do that?

[Ryland]

Not everywhere in la, they do not. Not in a lot of places.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. No, that's rude.

[Ryland]

I think it's awful.

[Lizzie]

Haley had a group of people come into her restaurant the other day, and they were, like, four minutes before happy hour ended, but insisting on happy hour prices. And she's like, all right, so figure it out. And they're going, I don't know. What should I get? And Haley's like, you gotta know because time's a ticking. Well, the second it hits 5, the.

[Ryland]

Price is changing the computer.

[Lizzie]

That's what I'm too.

[Ryland]

So it's like, you got to tell me right now or you're missing it.

[Lizzie]

And then they missed it. And she's like, right, so don't come in 62 seconds before the end of happy hour and expect to get happy hour prices, you fucking weirdos.

[Ryland]

Chris, I don't like it.

[Guest]

It makes me uncomfy. I don't like doing that. I'll avoid it at all costs.

[Ryland]

Oh, I'll be the asshole using the 12 items or less when you have 15 items. Oh, I'll use the. I'll use it. I will. Sue me. But if there's a person, I always prefer the person because I can never figure out those stupid self checks and.

[Lizzie]

Then I need a person anyway.

[Ryland]

Yes. So like, I'm not running to go in those lines no matter what. If there's a person without a line that's a mile long, I'm going to the real human.

[Lizzie]

Good for you.

[Ryland]

And I support their jobs. Yes, yes. Chris.

[Guest]

I don't, I don't bring more than the number that it says, but if someone has a little bit more, I don't mind. I just don't like when someone has like 50 items.

[Ryland]

Well, that. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like there's a line, okay, Being an extreme couponer, AKA someone who has hundreds of coupons while checking out to maximize every possible discount. Say coupon again, I don't. Well, no, I don't know. I think you're an asshole. I mean, save your money, but like, oh my God, that's gonna make me take my 15 items to the 12 item express lane.

[Lizzie]

I don't mind if you have a fuck ton of coupons, but you have to have them out and at the ready before the fucking last minute. You can't be like, okay, we're all rung up. They tell you the total and you go, one mom, let me find my coupons. That's when I have a problem.

[Guest]

Don't people have coupons and apps now? Shouldn't it be like easy? Like it's all loaded.

[Lizzie]

Some people don't really function well with apps. I'm not naming names. Maybe my same friend that shit herself this morning.

[Ryland]

Okay, we got. We're already at 56 minutes.

[Lizzie]

Okay. Sorry. I was having a good time with my friends. I'll just go fuck myself.

[Ryland]

These other ones are good though.

[Lizzie]

Let's keep going. Why can't we keep having fun saying.

[Ryland]

I come here all the time or I'm a regular here when you don't like the answer you're getting.

[Lizzie]

Do you do that? You look.

[Ryland]

I've done it before.

[Lizzie]

I don't know that I've ever done that.

[Ryland]

We were at a restaurant and Shane brings his.

[Lizzie]

I've done it.

[Ryland]

Shane brings his, like, water talks where he just, like, adds the thing to the water. He, like, doesn't want a soda, but.

[Chris]

He'S not, like, being.

[Ryland]

He just, like, wants his water additive. And the server was like, you can't do that here. And I was like, we've been here literally 700 times and nobody's ever complained. And she was like, my manager would not allow that. Other, like, what? This is a new.

[Lizzie]

And then Ryland said, let me see your manager.

[Ryland]

No, she sent the manager over. And I was like, there's no way. There's no.

[Lizzie]

And what did he say?

[Ryland]

I just did strong.

[Lizzie]

And he's like, shane just dying.

[Ryland]

Yeah, he was.

[Lizzie]

Poor Shane. And I was like, water time.

[Ryland]

I was not going to let that. I'm like, are you kidding me? I, like everyone else at the table ordered, like, elaborate cocktails. It's not like you're missing out on money. Shane was never going to order a cocktail. Yeah, it drove me crazy.

[Lizzie]

Well, when I was pregnant, sometimes people would be like, you can't have your water jug here. And it's like, it's a water jug. Like, what were you going to charge me for water? The.

[Ryland]

Chris.

[Guest]

I've never had a situation where I could even say it, so I don't know.

[Lizzie]

Chris has never been a regular trying.

[Ryland]

To tip a host so that you don't have to wait for a table on a busy night. I've never tried it.

[Lizzie]

I don't think that makes you an though, though.

[Ryland]

It sucks for everybody else that's in line. That is.

[Lizzie]

Who cares?

[Ryland]

I've never done it, but I honestly don't care.

[Lizzie]

I've never done it and I don't care.

[Ryland]

I've. I have been in a situation, though, where, like, I've been waiting forever. And then somebody that knows the owner, I hear the conversation like, oh, I know the owner. He always gets me in. And there's like a huge wait. And they see her right away. And I was like, what? And the person I was with said something. They like, I going to say, oh, my God.

[Lizzie]

Was it your mom?

[Ryland]

No, no, my mom would never.

[Lizzie]

Well, it wasn't me. Who was it?

[Ryland]

It wasn't you.

[Lizzie]

Was it?

[Ryland]

No, that would be really.

[Guest]

This is getting mad at someone for saying they know the owner. What was it?

[Ryland]

Oh no. Trying to tip a host so you can get a table first.

[Lizzie]

Oh, I am starting to lose interest in this game.

[Guest]

I've never.

[Ryland]

I'm sorry, we're on the last one. Asking for a side of Rancher hot sauce. Expecting for it to be free.

[Lizzie]

Oh yeah, I expect that to be free. Absolutely.

[Ryland]

And if it's not, just say it's not free.

[Guest]

Yeah, yeah, I also expect it to.

[Ryland]

Okay, see you guys later.

[Lizzie]

It's never free either, which is so fucking psychotic. You'll get rung up for 250 for a fucking saucer of raunch.

[Chris]

With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get. Somewhere between the store and your first month's bill, the price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets. With Mint Mobile, you'll never have to worry about the gotchas ever again. When mint mobile says 15 bucks a month when you purchase a three month plan, they mean it. So say goodbye to overpriced wireless plans, jaw dropping monthly bills and unexpected overtime. Because Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans starting at 15 bucks a month. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Plus you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. So ditch overpriced wireless with Mint Mobile's deal and get three months of premium wireless service for 15 bucks a month.

[Ryland]

To get this new customer offer and.

[Chris]

Your new 3 month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com sip that's mintmobile.com sip cut your wireless bills to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com sip $45 upfront payment required. Equivalent to $15 a month new customers on first 3 month plan only speed slower above 40gb on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions. Restrictions apply. C Mint Mobile for Details Spark something uncommon this holiday with just the right gift from Uncommon Goods. The busy holiday season is here and Uncommon Goods makes it less stressful with incredible hand picked gifts for everyone on your list. The best part? It's all in one spot. They're gifts that spark, joy, wonder, delight. And that it's exactly what I wanted. Feeling Uncommon Goods scours the globe for original handmade absolutely remarkable things.

[Ryland]

Somehow they know exactly the perfect gift.

[Chris]

Gift for every single person. You know, some of the gifts I love are their Most personalized ones. And you find incredibly unique things that you would never find at the traditional stores that everyone frequents. When you shop at Uncommon Goods, you're supporting artists and small independent businesses. Many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches, so shop now before they sell out. This holiday season, Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high quality, unique, and often handmade or made in the US from holiday host and hostess gifts to the coolest finds for kids to hits for everyone. From book lovers to die hard sports fans, Uncommon Goods has something for everyone. And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give a dollar back to a non profit partner of your choice. And they've donated more than $3 million to date.

[Ryland]

I don't think there's been one holiday.

[Chris]

Season where I haven't gotten something for.

[Ryland]

Shane from Uncommon Goods because you always find something where you're like, oh my.

[Chris]

Gosh, this was made for him. And I don't think that's a unique experience.

[Ryland]

To me.

[Chris]

Uncommon Goods is just that good. So to get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com the SIP that's Uncommon Goods.com the SIP for 15 off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods were all out of the ordinary.

[Lizzie]

We love it.

[Ryland]

Okay, let's. Oh, sorry, Chris. I started rolling with.

[Guest]

How do I. I don't ever know how to do the.

[Ryland]

The.

[Guest]

Oh, is it doing.

[Ryland]

Oh, it is. Yeah. Good.

[Guest]

Two, take one.

[Ryland]

Marker. Now do some without the food because he might just put fake food in.

[Chris]

Yeah, but why is my hair doing that?

[Lizzie]

Oh, why is your hair doing that?

[Ryland]

No. Okay. Okay.

[Lizzie]

We did it, guys.

[Ryland]

Oh, my God.

[Lizzie]

Oh my God.

[Ryland]

What a nightmare.

[Lizzie]

What a fucking nightmare.

[Ryland]

Okay, so the one and only time we go to the mall, I'm like, oh my God, it's Monday. What is going on? It takes us packed three hours to find a parking spot. And I was like, I come to this mall often. And I've. I was like, is this just Christmas?

[Lizzie]

In fact, it had to just be.

[Ryland]

Christmas, but it's like, what the hell? And so after a miserable experience, miserable because we were. We got Chipotle. Chris got some panda. Took forever. We wanted to go to Abercrombie but couldn't stomach it because it was so insane in there. As we're going up the escalator back up, I go, oh my God, it's a holiday.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

There aren't. There isn't so much. I was wondering.

[Lizzie]

There were so many kids in there in their fucking Pajamas. I was like, what is it with you? Put some pants on.

[Ryland]

And I was like, is it fall break? Is there, like, pajama day?

[Lizzie]

Was there an event at the mall? Pajama day?

[Ryland]

I was just like. Like, it was crazy. It was like. It felt like there was an event there, and it's a holiday.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. So we'd like to say thank you to the veterans, thank you for your.

[Ryland]

Service, thank you very much, and thank.

[Lizzie]

You for ruining our mall experience.

[Ryland]

If you're curious, don't ever go to the mall on a day like today. And it's just ironic because we never.

[Chris]

Ever go to the.

[Ryland]

We. We've never been to the mall for a sip episode.

[Lizzie]

No, no, no. And here we are.

[Chris]

Here we are.

[Ryland]

We got. We got to try this first because it's melting.

[Lizzie]

And daddy doesn't like a cold.

[Ryland]

A room temp at this point, you guys know that as much as you know my ring routine. So, you know, I'm freaking out. I'm a little disappointed.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Because a. In the promo photos, it shows, like, a clear cup, so you can see how gorgeous it is. And then it's, like, sprinkled with gorgeous candy cane peppermint.

[Lizzie]

We actually sent the first shake back.

[Ryland]

Can you believe that?

[Lizzie]

And we said, please sprinkle it with the peppermint toppings that are displayed in the photo.

[Ryland]

Well, I almost. I was, like, going back and forth, debating, and then when I looked over, because it's like a kiosk at the mall, they're just sitting right there, and I was like, were we fucked with or.

[Lizzie]

I just think that, like. Like, like I said earlier.

[Ryland]

Today's Veterans Day today.

[Lizzie]

No, when I said earlier, like, sales associates don't care anymore.

[Ryland]

Oh, right.

[Lizzie]

It's different at Cinnabon because they don't make.

[Ryland]

No, they did apologize, and let's see how delicious the chicken.

[Lizzie]

But they also fucked us, Chris.

[Guest]

I feel like I saw food in my teeth.

[Lizzie]

It's great.

[Ryland]

It's very pepperminty.

[Lizzie]

I like it.

[Ryland]

Do you? Mm hmm. I'm also breastfeeding and starving still after Chipotle.

[Lizzie]

I'm never not starving.

[Guest]

I'm so into this. Are you a peppermint person?

[Ryland]

I like peppermint. Yes, I do.

[Lizzie]

It has melted, and it very much is like just drinking peppermint milk.

[Ryland]

That's why I don't. The flavor's good.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, but it's like drinking peppermint milk, right?

[Ryland]

Yes. And so it's like.

[Lizzie]

And for that, I'll still drink it.

[Ryland]

So the flavor is incredible.

[Guest]

It Being melted ruins the experience. But the flavor is so good. It's just not the same when it's melted.

[Ryland]

We did have to walk it all the way across the mall and up three stories. And at one point I had the urge to just throw it over the escalator and see it splat down three stories below me.

[Lizzie]

I wish he had had.

[Ryland]

I would never. And had I done that, I would.

[Lizzie]

Have gone, we probably better arrested for assault, cuz we probably would have hit someone. And that is a crime.

[Ryland]

Hilarious.

[Lizzie]

So funny.

[Ryland]

We didn't do it.

[Lizzie]

It was Chris.

[Guest]

Wow.

[Lizzie]

Do we want to open the tailgate for Chris's lighting?

[Ryland]

Oh, yeah. Look at you worrying about my lighting.

[Lizzie]

No, it's not the tailgate.

[Ryland]

She opened the bed. No, you did open the tailgate. You were right in your speaker.

[Lizzie]

I know, but I said it's not. But it's not the tailgate that we wanted. Someone have to get out there and close it.

[Ryland]

No, we'll do it later.

[Lizzie]

We're not gonna remember.

[Ryland]

Oh, no, I don't think so.

[Guest]

Close.

[Lizzie]

I'm just tapping it close.

[Ryland]

Do you have a fork?

[Lizzie]

Yes, he does.

[Ryland]

Do you have a fork?

[Lizzie]

Yes, I do.

[Ryland]

Now this is what's exciting.

[Lizzie]

This is what I saw. I was stopped at a gas station yesterday on my drive and I saw us in a bun. And I was like, I would like to try that. And then I said, no, I shall try it with my friend Rylan and Chris.

[Ryland]

Well, she sent me a picture and I said, don't try it. That's what I was planning to do. And I said, did you try it? Cause she said anything else? She just sent the image. And I was like, did you try it? Yes or no?

[Lizzie]

But I left him on the edge of his seat.

[Ryland]

This is one. When I saw the marketing, I was actually like, I have to try that. Like, even if we didn't do a podcast where we shoved food in our mouth. Yeah, I might have to go try this one.

[Lizzie]

I felt similarly.

[Guest]

So are we all just Cinnabon girlies in general?

[Ryland]

Yes.

[Lizzie]

Should we try to do the image.

[Ryland]

That they do is Cinnabon.

[Lizzie]

Oh, how come I can't pull it out to look like a Christmas tree?

[Ryland]

Is. Is it similar to Krispy Kreme where, like at the gas station, it's not quite right. Yes.

[Lizzie]

This was a Cinnabon in the gas station.

[Ryland]

Oh, yeah.

[Guest]

Well, okay, I. I guess when I said yes to that, I mean, the pre made ones at the gas station.

[Ryland]

Are not the same. Okay. Because like at the grocery store, the Krispy Kremes are obviously not.

[Lizzie]

Did you pull it out like the Christmas tree?

[Ryland]

No, no.

[Lizzie]

Dang.

[Ryland]

Is that. Did you really want that?

[Lizzie]

I just wanted it to look like it.

[Ryland]

And the last time I had a Cinnabon, my husband ordered it for me, and it was delicious. But it wasn't, like, right off the press.

[Lizzie]

Right?

[Ryland]

So.

[Lizzie]

Oh, this is warm.

[Chris]

Cheers.

[Lizzie]

Cheers. Cheers, girls.

[Ryland]

So warm.

[Lizzie]

The way you sucked on that and only took a niblet out was disturbing.

[Ryland]

Oh, doughy. Delicious.

[Lizzie]

You eat it like ice cream.

[Ryland]

It's honestly no different than the original, except for the peppermint flakes on top.

[Lizzie]

But I think the peppermint flakes are good. Are good.

[Ryland]

I agree. It's not, like, doing too much, but just enough. I just spill over it.

[Lizzie]

I didn't notice.

[Ryland]

We make out anyways.

[Lizzie]

Finally you admit it on camera.

[Guest]

I love it. I kind of. It's almost too much crunch for me, really.

[Lizzie]

A lot of crunch. Are you turning on the middle?

[Ryland]

The middle at the heat, I think takes away some of the crunch after a little bit.

[Guest]

I almost prefer the texture of the original, but I. I love the flavor of this.

[Ryland]

I think you should take a piece out of the center, because I think.

[Lizzie]

This is the only way to eat.

[Ryland]

A Cinnabon center out.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Because then by the time you're sick, you don't have to do the part that's not good.

[Guest]

I've never done that.

[Lizzie]

Oh, shit. Split that with me. Oh, wait, is it.

[Ryland]

Pull it out. Oh, it tried.

[Lizzie]

We were close.

[Guest]

I've always gone outside to the center.

[Ryland]

No, because then by the time you're.

[Lizzie]

Full, the best part's over and you can't enjoy it.

[Guest]

What's being full?

[Ryland]

Look how gorgeous this is. And then you get to, like, this outside. It's, like, a little bit burnt, and.

[Lizzie]

It'S like, oh, are you gonna make cinnamon? This is where. Cinnamon. Cinnamon. Cinnabons. Are you gonna make Cinnabons for Christmas this year?

[Ryland]

Oh, yeah, I will.

[Lizzie]

Your tradition you already forgot about.

[Ryland]

I'll try not to burn it. That was like a Shane's family tradition that I was carrying on forehead. I think he should do it, though. Yeah, I wrote them. It's incredible.

[Lizzie]

Here is pretty good if you want to grab it.

[Guest]

It's super, super good. I stand by. Too much crunch for me.

[Ryland]

Wow. You know, I will say from the inside, it's more cinnamony than, like, the. The cream frosting. I like a healthy combination of the two.

[Lizzie]

You do? I only like the center, I think.

[Ryland]

Really? You don't like, what kind of frosting is that?

[Chris]

Cream cheese frosting?

[Lizzie]

I hope so, but probably not.

[Ryland]

I'm just brutalizing this.

[Lizzie]

We're not gonna feel well at Costco in 10 minutes.

[Ryland]

And it's a holiday. Do you know what that means?

[Lizzie]

Oh, Costco's probably not open.

[Ryland]

No.

[Lizzie]

Do you want a bite of this?

[Ryland]

No. I have this.

[Guest]

I love Cinnabon so much.

[Ryland]

It's so good. It is like, a wonderful treat.

[Lizzie]

I fucking love that. And I do not feel good already. I'm checking on Costco.

[Ryland]

I like the crunch, actually.

[Lizzie]

I do, too.

[Ryland]

And I like the flavor it adds.

[Lizzie]

Peppermint is a lot, though.

[Ryland]

Oh, no.

[Lizzie]

I will not have this ever again.

[Guest]

I love the flavor that it adds. It.

[Lizzie]

Oh, they're open.

[Ryland]

Just not the crunch.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. No way, guys, I might have to poop.

[Ryland]

Oh, no. You're going to go back to that mall.

[Lizzie]

No, I don't have time to get back to the bathroom in the mall.

[Ryland]

Oh, no.

[Lizzie]

I don't know what to do. Oh, my God. I really think I have to go poop. This is so flo.

[Guest]

Around to the Social. The. It's right by then.

[Lizzie]

I don't think I can make it to the Social.

[Guest]

I'm saying if we floor it there.

[Lizzie]

I don't think it's going to happen.

[Guest]

I'm sorry.

[Ryland]

Did you see people driving in this parking structure? We can't floor it anyway.

[Lizzie]

Should I. What do I do? Let's just wait it out. Maybe it's just a tummy ache. Now I'm just scared whenever I get a tummy ache.

[Guest]

Start flooring into the Social.

[Lizzie]

We have to go.

[Ryland]

Just keep clenching, okay? There is no clenching Berth Took that away from you.

[Lizzie]

Well, I'm. I'm Kegeling.

[Ryland]

Look at that.

[Lizzie]

I'm clenching and Kegeling, but it doesn't keep the pooping. Are you clenching?

[Guest]

And him being like, wow, look at that.

[Lizzie]

He doesn't care about me. We have to go. What are you doing? I told you there's no options.

[Ryland]

Cinnabon is so good. Oh, my God.

[Lizzie]

I might just shit up here. I'm gonna have to ask you all to look away. I'm just gonna shit in that corner.

[Ryland]

This is not the first shit that's happened up here. No, it's not.

[Lizzie]

Somebody pulled a gun out and just fucking emptied.

[Ryland]

She's not kidding.

[Guest]

No, that sounds like an exaggeration, but it's not.

[Lizzie]

No.

[Ryland]

Wow. Do I like the outside layer.

[Lizzie]

Maybe I'm not pooping because if I was pooping, it would have Already happened by now. Just for the record, it just felt like I might be pooping soon, so we should probably get to Costco for pooping. You don't seem bothered.

[Ryland]

I'm not. I don't have, like, a sensitive. My husband. Like, any mention of anything like that would send him through the roof. Oh, I thought it was just boogers.

[Lizzie]

I had a funny conversation with him because I had a Zoom call with him, and I was starving, and I was like, damn, I can't eat, because I'm about to get on the phone with Shane, and he can't handle the sound of chewing. And so instead, I just pounded an ice cream sandwich, and I sold him. I was like, yes, I'm starving, but I know you can't handle. He's like, no, I just can't stand the sound of some people eating. And I was like, it's Rylan's eating, huh?

[Ryland]

For people with that, it's always, like, the people closest to them. Like, oh, yeah. Either their family or. It's, like, the people that they love most.

[Lizzie]

Oh, is that what he told you?

[Ryland]

It's common with. It's common. I mean, it bothers them with all the chewing, but even more so with, like, the people closest to them.

[Lizzie]

Right. When Joe's helping me with something, if I'm frustrated with the help he's giving and he's eating, I could kill him.

[Ryland]

I'm so sick now.

[Lizzie]

Let's go.

[Ryland]

I'm so sick.

[Lizzie]

Oh, I just threw up a little bit in my mouth, but that was the Chipotle. What are you doing?

[Ryland]

Thumbnailing. Oh, wow.

[Guest]

Thank you so much.

[Ryland]

You're welcome.

[Lizzie]

I pound it smoothie before it falls over. Oh, yes.

[Guest]

Thank you.

[Ryland]

I even remembered my wallet today. I. I was so hungry and. Ch.

[Lizzie]

The tailgate's open.

[Ryland]

Oh. Oh, my God. Did we get B roll of those gunshots?

[Lizzie]

What?

[Guest]

I did get.

[Lizzie]

I'm gonna.

[Ryland]

What? Just go to it. She's already half out. It's fine.

[Lizzie]

I'm already half out.

[Ryland]

Oh, we should get B roll of the gunshots.

[Guest]

I got some, but I.

[Ryland]

You did? Oh, then if that's great, I'm sick because I didn't ask.

[Lizzie]

You have to just push that tailgate up yourself.

[Ryland]

Yeah.

[Lizzie]

There's no button for it.

[Guest]

No.

[Lizzie]

Crazy.

[Ryland]

Do you want to call Elon?

[Lizzie]

Yeah, Elon. What the fuck?

[Ryland]

But I will say it tightens for you. Like, you just have to, like, get it up, and then it goes.

[Lizzie]

Things my butthole could never do.

[Ryland]

That Chipotle was trash. I was so hungry and I was shoving it in my mouth, but it tasted horrible. And now. Now I'm sickly full because I ate so much of it so fast, and.

[Lizzie]

I've got poop cramps, and I didn't even like it. But apparently I'm not pooping, because if I was, I would have done it by now.

[Ryland]

Okay, well, you guys, I should have gone to Panda. I shouldn't have been an idiot.

[Lizzie]

Fools.

[Ryland]

Okay, everybody. Well, Elizabeth's gonna go get me some garland.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

And. What?

[Lizzie]

We're in darkness.

[Ryland]

Oh, well. Well, thank you guys so much for watching and supporting our show. We love you so much. We'll see you next week. Oh, no.

[Lizzie]

And that's it. Oh, we're caught on everything.

[Ryland]

It's okay.

[Lizzie]

Did you do that?

[Ryland]

Yeah.

[Lizzie]

Oh, do I just. Bye.