Tasting EVERYTHING at PANDA EXPRESS!!! The Entire Menu!!

Summary

The Sip with Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon

Episode: Tasting EVERYTHING at PANDA EXPRESS!!! The Entire Menu!
Date: July 1, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode of The Sip, hosts Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon—joined by Chris—tackle chaos in their personal lives, laugh through relationship drama, and attempt a complete, candid taste test review of every item on the Panda Express menu. Amid the humor, full-moon madness, and a rollercoaster of conversations about marriage and parenting, the trio finds comfort in the familiar (and occasionally cursed) embrace of Americanized Chinese fast food.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Full-Moon Mayhem and Domestic Disasters

• The episode opens with chaos attributed to the full moon, which the hosts blame for a string of misfortunes:
  • Ryland’s dog is sprayed by a skunk—detailing the midnight ordeal of cleaning up and the lingering stench in the house.
  • Lizze’s nanny is absent, Louis the cat leaves messes everywhere, and the housework piles up.
  • There's playful superstition about surviving “moon madness” (01:01, 09:30).

“It’s a full moon, what could go wrong?” — Ryland (00:09, repeated)

2. Relationship Rants: Fighting, Hoarding & Husbands

• Lizze vents about marital tension:
  • Her husband's hand gesture becomes a symbolic tipping point for a deeper, ongoing frustration with his messiness and hoarding (17:11–21:25).
  • The couple discusses deadlines for household cleanup and agree on practical ultimatums, laced with sarcasm and honesty.
• Playful but pointed banter about “passive aggressive, pettily protecting your peace” in relationships. (28:22, 29:30)
• Chris shares his own relationship frustrations, mostly about his boyfriend spending weekends away and lack of honest communication (48:27–51:05).

“It’s not just a fucking hand gesture at this point. It’s everything leading up to the fucking hand gesture.” — Lizze (17:11)

3. Parenting Wins and Woes

• Updates on Lizze’s kids sharing a room, hard launching potty training, and the perennial struggle to keep up with household routines.
• Billy (Lizze’s son) undergoes successful ear tube surgery, but the aftereffects trigger parental anxiety (30:24–34:00).

4. House-Hunting Heartbreak

• Ryland recounts his recent emotional rollercoaster: falling hard for a “dream house” close to Lizze, making an offer far over asking price, and ultimately losing it to a cash buyer.
• They mourn the Brooklyn drama of a “haunted” former nuns’ convent and the loss of their imagined neighborly future (37:01–41:02).

“We would have had so much fun. I think you guys really should have done something financially irresponsible.” — Lizze (38:53)

5. Pop Culture and Celebrity Hot Topics

• Recap on LGBTQ+ visibility in reality TV, notably Layla Taylor (Mormon Housewives) coming out as bi (45:14–47:36).
• Pride Month celebrations and “performative” pride gear.
• Banter on favorite comedians, TikTok, and sitcoms, including praise for lesbian comics Rachel Scanlon and Robbie Hoffman.
• A running joke about how every segment keeps circling back to petty domestic squabbles.

6. Food Review: Tasting EVERYTHING at Panda Express

(54:00–78:44)

• The crew switches focus to food, driving to their nearest Panda Express and ordering a full menu spread.
• Highlights:
  • Positive commentary on the restaurant’s cleanliness and the freshness of the food.
  • Discussion of the new “brisket” dish (which ultimately was sold out).
  • Each host describes their favorite menu items: orange chicken, chef's special (spicy chicken), Mongolian beef, walnut shrimp, and opinions on the side dishes (fried rice vs. chow mein).
  • Disappointment with slimy veggie spring rolls but praise for cream cheese wontons and the newly featured refreshers.

“It’s a little bit like eating meat donuts with sweet sauce.” — Lizze on sesame chicken (61:52)

• Course-corrected order decisions (more proteins, fewer carbs next time).
• Reflections on what Panda Express means emotionally: comfort food for chaotic days.

“Honestly, if you just want to have, like, a nice cheat meal, Panda is a good way to go… But I would say it’s like four cheat meals.” — Lizze (77:36)

7. Fortunes & Final Thoughts

• The episode ends with fortune cookie readings (75:00–77:08):
  • Ryland’s fortune: “A partnership shall prove successful for you.”
  • Lizze’s: “Your friends are delighted by your keen sense of humor.”
  • Chris’s (ironically fitting): “Modify your thinking to adapt to new situations.”

“These really did pick us. They really did.” — Lizze (77:05)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “I’m passive aggressively and pettily protecting my peace, and then in my head, I go, you stupid…” — Lizze (27:57)
• “Sometimes Shane will be like…can you stop?” — Ryland on spouse pet peeves (21:49)
• “Everyone’s links are in the description section below. When does your Disneyland vlog go up?” — Ryland, mid-Panda food coma, keeping it on brand (79:00)

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Tasting Panda Express: Segment Timestamps

• [53:06–55:00] — Arrival and first impressions
• [55:00–56:52] — Plating the food, taste test begins
• [57:04–62:33] — Sampling favorites: orange chicken, walnut shrimp, chef’s special, Mongolian beef, and more
• [64:48–70:16] — Trying the veggie rolls & cream cheese rangoons (mixed reviews)
• [71:20–77:44] — Discussion: rice vs. noodles, Panda for comfort, portioning regrets, fortune cookies

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Tone and Takeaways

The conversation is fast, funny, self-deprecating, and unfiltered—peppered with asides, gossip, and midwestern-style honesty. The Panda Express food adventure serves as both a stress relief and a running gag for how friends, food, and full moons can get you through even the most cursed of days. The trio’s candid relatability shines, making this an episode for anyone who’s ever felt overwhelmed, overfed, and glad to have found their people.

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For Listeners Short on Time

Listen to:

• Panda Express Taste Test & Review — [54:00–78:44]
• Relationship & Marriage Rants — [17:11–31:00]
• House-Hunting Meltdown — [37:01–41:02]
• Celebrity & Pride Month Hot Topic — [45:14–47:36]
• Fortune Cookies — [75:00–77:08]

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Summary by: [Your Podcast Summarizer Bot]

Transcript

[A]

You guys are all bringing this to the public podcast today.

[B]

Is this food cursed? Why can't I stop it? It's not just a hand gesture. It's very clear about that.

[A]

It's a full moon. What could go wrong?

[B]

It's sleeping. It's too hot.

[A]

We have what seems like the best day of our life ahead of us.

[B]

Something that really works for me usually is being passive aggressive. My spot needs to be.

[A]

It's a full moon. What could go wrong? Oh, it's a full moon. What could go wrong?

[B]

That's a problem. That's a problem.

[A]

Should we just take a break to

[B]

our everyday next full moon? We just have to stop. Yeah, we need. I'm gonna get a ton of ketamine and I'm going into a K hole until that moon is half again.

[A]

We need a hyperbaric chamber the next time one of these full moons comes around, because let me tell you, I have had it.

[B]

Enough is enough. Enough is enough.

[A]

I'm going into hibernation until this is over.

[B]

How long does a full moon last? It can't be a whole day. I can't do this much longer.

[A]

It peaks today at like.

[B]

Shut up. Shut up. It's peaking.

[A]

It's peaking because after my night and morning, I literally googled, is it a full moon? Because when I looked up at 12:30pm last night, when I happened to be outside, it looked like a full ass moon. And I said, this explains it all. So when my fresh little self woke up this morning, I googled, is it a full moon night? And it said it actually peaks today. But I was like, well, it's just

[B]

gonna get worse today.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Which probably explains your morning, right? Yeah, it explains a little bit of my morning.

[B]

Yeah. Do you want to tell the people, the good people about your morning?

[A]

Oh, gosh. Well, I guess it was technically morning. I was having a fantastic night. You know, I slept the full two hours and then some of my children's nap. Yesterday I told Shane, you know what? I'm going to bed and I want you to wake up the children and I'm gonna sleep for however long I want. I'm not setting an alarm. I'm not going to Lizzie's socce party that I was invited to. I'm sleeping because I'm emotionally hungover from the past week, which maybe I'll tell you about.

[B]

Was it what I know about?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, devastating.

[A]

And so I was having a good night. I was well rested. I was up later than usual because I wasn't tired. Shane and I are having a. Kiki, it's 11:57pm we're downstairs in the kitchen.

[B]

Yeah, sorry, can I just interject?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is Kiki exclusive to the gay community?

[A]

Oh, I don't know.

[B]

Can I. Kiki, as a straight woman,

[A]

as somebody who doesn't actually know, I can't grant you approval or o.

[B]

No, I'm not trying to kick. Maybe I'm not trying to disrespectfully Kiki.

[A]

I wonder if I just did something wrong now.

[B]

I mean I think you're. I think it's cool for gays. I'm not sure about you straight. Yeah.

[A]

Well, you're going to try your luck. I'm going to love this shirt. I want it in a boy fit.

[B]

Oh man. Did I just scrape off my whole chin of makeup?

[A]

It looks intact.

[B]

Thank God.

[C]

Go on.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You're kicking.

[A]

Yeah, we're geeking. We're having a good time. It's 11:57pm we go down to the kitchen to like reset the kitchen for the morning. You know, Jane normally helps me do that. I'm taking bites off of the cookies that my children made from scratch with my nanny the other day. A little burnt. Good, good.

[B]

Daddy's got notes.

[A]

They were better the second day. They aged well.

[C]

Good.

[B]

A little burnt. Yeah, the burnt wears off after a day. It's a lot about the aroma.

[A]

And so I go, okay, dogs, let's go to the bathroom before we go up to bed. Waiting. I'm waiting. I'm talking to Shane. I'm having a good time. Oh, it's 12. The full moon. 12 strikes.

[B]

No, you made it to midnight.

[A]

I made it to midnight. You know it. Nothing good. And Riley is running down the mountain like a psychopath. She is running down and I go, that's a funky smell in the. And then she gets to the turf and she is rolling in the turf like a psychopath. Like something has gone psychotically wrong. And I come back and side. I go, Shane, I think just got skunked. Oh no.

[B]

So what do you do? Just give her up for adoption? Like what do you do?

[A]

At that point I was like, I can't even be up past 10:30. And now I have a crisis at midnight. This is my karma for staying up late. What the fuck did I do to deserve this? So that's so fucked. And then it smells so bad outside it's hard to tell like, well did it spray and miss or did sounds like a God. But then Shane and I are both like smelling. But it's like it's so in the air that it's impossible to tell.

[B]

Did you let her

[A]

so, because we're, like, flashing the flash on her, we're looking, I see nothing. And so we're like, okay, Riley, come inside.

[B]

What would you see? Is there something to see when they've been sprayed?

[A]

And then Shane's, like, lifting up her face and. And he's like, that's just drool. Right from how she was, like, laying. And it's like a puddle of grease just here. It was like a splat. It wasn't like Shane touched aroma. Mm. And he's like, no, it's just drool. And I'm smelling, and I'm like, well, our house is really stinky now. And so then Shane's panicking and he's like, googling. And of course, he's the worrier and the planner of the family. And he starts thinking, okay, well, worst case scenarios is sprayed in her eye. And then we have to give her an eye rinse for 15 minutes. And if the skunk then decided to bite Riley, she could have gotten rabies. But I. She is up to date on her rabies shot. But now I think Riley has rabies. And I was like, can we just chill out for a second?

[B]

She probably doesn't have rabies, but she does stink to high hell.

[A]

Stinks to high hell. And she's still going to the vet today. We still just made a sec. An appointment just to make sure. And so then Shane's googling, like, DIY skunk smell removal detergents, because we don't have one of those at the house. I've had dogs for, what, 10 years now as an adult and never had a skunk in. Never been skunked.

[B]

I got skunked once.

[A]

You yourself? Yeah, Physically, as a human. Okay, we'll get to that in just a second. I can't believe you've never brought that to the podcast. I'm sure I have. That seems like a story that you should be screaming about.

[B]

I'm sure I have.

[A]

And so I guess you can mix hydrogen peroxide, dish soap, and baking soda, but not in a container, because it will explode, Right?

[B]

I was gonna say, it sounds like you're making a bomb out in the open.

[A]

I started doing it. Well, what? Do it in my dawn dish spray. The greatest invention to ever exist. I'll just add it to what's existing in there.

[B]

It's gonna explode.

[A]

Stop. We have to do it in a big open bowl. So it's 12:30am Shane's life is so fucked. We have it in a bucket and we have gloves on and we're like bucketing it onto her and like massaging it in. I go, it's 1am yes. And I'm rubbing it in with one of those like defer brushes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, and then we let it sit for 10 minutes. We bathe her and then I do it again. And then I use the regular soap. It's now like 1:30am and I'm like, does she still smell? I don't know. She's soaking wet. It's freezing. It's like so cold outside.

[B]

You're outside.

[A]

I mean I'm not gonna do this inside.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

The thing like, I guess with the skunk oils, if you don't get it off, if she starts laying on things or touching things on them, it gets on them. And then like the like irreplace. I mean you have to replace the furniture if it, the scent gets inside of it. So we're just doing like an hour long bath outside, hoping for the best. And then after I get her done, I'm taking her upstairs, I'm blow drying her because she's soaking wet. Yeah. And then I'm like, okay, now we got to go after the floors because she was in the house. So then I'm like psychotically mopping the floors.

[B]

This is some full moon chaos.

[A]

What the hell? And I wake up this morning, the entire house still smells like a scum. Of course Riley doesn't.

[B]

Oh good.

[A]

Riley smells great. But my house stanky reeks. I have the windows open, I have the fans running. I have the air purifiers on in every single room.

[B]

You might want to just bring someone through the house to smoke with a cigarette or a cigar.

[A]

And I was like, maybe the Lysol spray will help. Like you know, we all had that in Covid times.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I.

[B]

So now everyone's got those that inside them.

[A]

Here's to hoping it works. Oh no, but that's not the only thing. Like then I. I'm like, it's 7:15 and I haven't heard my nanny turn off the alarm yet for some reason. My do not just, I have like people that can break through my do not disturb. Yeah, I'm like looking at the cameras but I don't see that I have a text message because I guess it happens like you where I like don't see your text unless I'm looking at my text.

[B]

It just happens.

[A]

And turns out she can't be at work today. And I was like, oh, cool. And then I walk downstairs. Louis has shit all over the house, which, like, he doesn't really do. Why did he do that?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Maybe Shane's door was closed.

[C]

Where.

[A]

Which is, like, his preferred litter box. Maybe, like, Shane was also, like, after being skunked, just, like, in a tizzy and forgot to close his door or forgot to leave his door cracked. Yeah. So I wake up, there's no. No childcare shit all over my floor. House smells like skunk. And I was like, everything's fine.

[B]

It's a full moon. It's a moon madness. What are you gonna do? Are you gonna laugh or kill your family?

[A]

No, we're repairing quickly.

[B]

Oh, good.

[A]

We're just repairing quickly.

[B]

We're rolling with the punches.

[A]

Everything's good. The world works in my favor.

[B]

We're the luckiest girls in the world.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

The luckiest girls in the world.

[A]

So when were you skunked? When was Dice? Hold on. Oh, your husband's charging across the street?

[B]

Yeah, it looks like it. Should he come say hi afterwards?

[A]

Not in the state you guys are in.

[B]

No, he deserves that.

[A]

I don't know how to act around him right now. Because we're friends.

[B]

No, we're all fighting. Nobody is friends with Joe right now.

[A]

I know, but what.

[B]

What is your problem? Where does your loyalty lie? You guys were texting about me this weekend in a nasty way too.

[A]

Your husband can't stop texting me.

[B]

Joe and Ryland were talking me via text this weekend. Can you believe that, Chris?

[A]

No. First Joe's no for recommendations, and then he's texting me impromptu about his lesbian wife hitting on at a restaurant, snaps a paparazzi picture of the interaction, and says, I think I'm losing her. Okay, first and foremost, I just said, ha. Okay?

[B]

I was talking to a person about things that we have in common.

[A]

Like loving lesbian comedy.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Specifically, yes.

[A]

Lizzie can't shut up about how much she loves lesbian comics.

[B]

Okay? It's two lesbian comics. Let's be real. It's a very small niche, but the only lesbian, the only comedy I'm into right now are Rachel Scallion, okay? And Robbie Hoffman.

[A]

And you know what I'm gonna do?

[B]

What?

[A]

I'm gonna get you tickets using our sponsor, SeatGeek. I'm gonna get 10% off those tickets, and we're gonna have a blast. Thank you so much, SeatGeek, for sponsoring our show. It is the number one rated ticketing app, and that's because there's over 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek. You can get tickets to concerts, comedy shows, music festivals, Monster Jam, literally anything you want. And there's so many musical artists on tour right now. I'm talking Ariana Grande. Who do you want to see? Alex Warren Benson Boone. Did you see his new music video with the Alex?

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, that's a new music video. Literally everyone and their mom is on tour, and you are not going to want to miss out. Take a look. Seatgeek's fantastic because they rate every ticket on a scale of 1 to 10. Look for the green dots. Green means good, red means bad, and every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee. And like I said, you can get 10% off your next set of tickets when you use our code, the SIP10. That's called the SIP10. For 10% off your next set of tickets at Seatgeek. Seatgeek. Thank you. And we love you so much. I'm so sorry. I just saw that in for that ad, and I'm going to take it.

[B]

You better actually get me the ticket.

[A]

I will. What's her name?

[B]

It's Rachel Scullion. She's on tour right now. I don't know if Robbie's on tour

[A]

or not, but she's married to Gabby from the Traders.

[B]

Correct. Or a better known infamy, the Bachelor.

[A]

Oh, all these bachelors.

[B]

She was the Bachelor.

[A]

After sexual preferences.

[B]

Yeah, after. Okay, yeah.

[A]

So she was. Wait, she was the woman or she was a contestant for a man?

[B]

She was a woman who was a contestant for a man, and then she was one of two women. There was a season where there were two bridge lorettes.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Yeah, whoa.

[A]

Did you see the hot gossip? Our Patreon chat was lit up, and then I relayed the news to Lizzie, and she's like, yeah, I know. Nothing else. I was like, you've been screaming about this news, like, manifesting it to fruition, and now it's happening, and you're just

[B]

like, yeah, well, he's dipping and dabbing into a hot topic, which is Taylor, Frankie Paul's season of the Bachelorette shall be airing. And to which I say, thank goodness, because we can all out here act like we're bigger people, and we're like, we're not gonna support that woman because she was incensed by a man and intoxicated and treated that man the way that man should be treated. Just kidding.

[A]

No, there was a child present.

[B]

If the child hadn't been present. Go for blood. This guy sucks. Okay?

[A]

I mean, Lizzie texted me this morning. She was gonna redrum her husband.

[B]

I would never redrum my husband.

[A]

But now that you might, I have some ideas on what you could do with the bodies. After I watched the new hit movie Disturbia with Shia LaBeouf.

[B]

The new hit movie, Shia LaBeouf.

[A]

Fantastic, by the way. Grab your popcorn.

[B]

Do you know what I saw?

[A]

I couldn't sleep after I watched that shit.

[B]

That is really gay of you. And I'm so sorry.

[A]

Shy is incredible, by the way.

[B]

No, Shy is incredible.

[A]

And who is that girl? Oh, my gosh, do I like women after watching that movie.

[B]

Who is that girl? Hold on. Can you pull up a picture of that girl? Because it's been 25 years since I've seen that movie. I saw. What did I see?

[A]

Weapons.

[B]

Weapons?

[A]

Who did you do that with?

[B]

I should not have seen weapons. I'm so tired and scared. I am so tired and scared. Joe had to sit in the bathroom with me while I showered because I was afraid to close my eyes. And here's the thing. I. We still share a room with Ernie. So at night, I have my light on my flashlight when I go in my room. So it's a pitch black room and I'm just shining a light around the room. Do you know how scary that is after you see the movie Weapons? To have to use a flashlight and shine it around the room after one of those jump scares. Are you flipping kidding me? So I haven't been sleeping. I too went to sleep at midnight because I'm. I can't close my eyes.

[A]

Wait, you're. But you. Aren't you next to your husband? What's her name?

[B]

He was out later than me working. She must be. She's Gorgina.

[A]

She's Gorgina.

[B]

So weapons.

[A]

And if she's not, it's because people hate confident women, period.

[B]

And you guys need to start looking yourselves in the mirror and realizing that if you. Sarah Roemer. We love a name that we can say.

[A]

Okay, back to you.

[B]

I was like, oh, my God. I specifically love lesbian comedy.

[A]

And do you share a love for the same comedians?

[B]

Yes. They actually just done a show with Rachel. Oh, yeah.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you're a super fan.

[B]

Yeah. And then I got psychotic and I was like, I on the Internet trying to be friends with them because I think they're so funny. And she did this bit about ranch that she used to do and she has this other thing about that thing. And then I also love Robbie.

[A]

And the other bit about ranch. I mean, I guess you should steal her joke. No, I'm Very curious.

[B]

I can't remember it. I just remember she had a bit

[A]

about ranch and it really tickled.

[B]

It tickled me because I'm a ranch girl.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So then I just sounded like a psycho. And then I started naming names of, like, this comedian's fucking real life friends and about how I'm obsessed with them too. So really, I just. I don't know if I can ever go back to.

[A]

You can't. You just can't help but be yourself. Anywhere you go.

[B]

I'm so embarrassed. And then I text.

[A]

What does Joe do when you act like that?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Does he disassociate?

[B]

I was gonna. I was gonna say he disassociates. And now he texts you.

[A]

He snaps a pic and then he texts me. And that's why it's complicated when you're at war with your husband. Yeah, because I don't know how to act. Like today you were texting Chris and I, and you're like, I'm gonna redrum him. And I said, then go for it, but don't tell him that I know about it, because it's complicated now.

[B]

I know. So here's the deal. Like, I really like a lot of things about my husband, and he is a genuinely really good partner in a lot of ways. And then he just has these quirks, and when those quirks show their faces, you gotta call a fucking priest to exercise the demons from him and the demons from me. And honestly, I'd like to show him grace.

[A]

Please do.

[B]

I'd like to.

[A]

But you can't. No, I saw you were texting him paragraphs right before we hit roll.

[B]

No, I literally wasn't.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I literally said.

[A]

I mean, you don't need to prove anything to me.

[B]

I said, I love you. We are a good team, and I love you.

[A]

And how is his response?

[B]

I'm sorry I made a hand gesture.

[A]

That's the fight.

[B]

It's not just a hand gesture. Let's be very clear about that. It's not just a fucking hand gesture at this point. It's everything leading up to the fucking hand gesture. It's a lack of an apology for everything leading up to the fucking hand gesture.

[A]

I like this energy, but tone it down a little because we have neighbors. Do you want to go back to the shed?

[B]

Yes, I do.

[C]

I hate it here.

[A]

I told you, it feels like a

[B]

divorced dad's apartment chicken rotting in the fridge right now. I hate it here.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

Wow, it's a beautiful space. Well, my dreams were crushed this week. This week I've been, like, emotionally hungover. Moving on.

[B]

We're just moving on.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

I have.

[B]

I'm. No, it's fine. No, let's just do it. Just go. Just go.

[A]

I would love to just move on to your problems. Well, no, I wasn't even going to talk about this.

[B]

Oh, you weren't?

[A]

So if you have a story, go for it.

[B]

I don't have a story, but this could become my story. I was just going to say I'm just done with him. I'm just done with him.

[A]

And what does done with him mean? Like to find done with him? Because I. I am hoping we can at least see through one more family vacation before you're done with him.

[B]

No, no, I'm not done with him, but I'm done with him. Like, I'm done with this. I'm done with this girl. I'm done with this girl. And the thing is, like, we have a deadline. Yeah, we have a deadline. By Friday, he gets all of his thrown away, or I throw it away. And then I come in with you. No matter what, I'm coming in with you. And we're turning the office into a two person office.

[A]

Yes. And I will help with that. Yeah, I actually think that's a great task.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I don't even know what it looks like at this point. But I am gonna need some before. You're gonna be shocked. Before he clears it on Friday because he's gonna meet his deadline. I need you to take some time.

[B]

So the backstory here is my husband was in the biggest second room in our house. And then I moved him out of it and into Billy's first bedroom so that we could make that room into a shared space for our boys. Which, by the way, we're putting the boys together tonight.

[A]

Oh. For the first time ever, I'm ripping the band aid. Moving out of your bedroom.

[B]

Get the out, Ernie.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. I love him, though.

[A]

And is their bedtime approximately the same?

[B]

It's exactly the same.

[A]

Oh, perfect.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Let's go. Did it work at Disneyland?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. My kids sleeping in the same room worked at Disneyland too. And I'm like, right. Am I moving them back into the same room?

[B]

Are you.

[A]

Am I suddenly gonna have another guest room again?

[B]

So fun.

[A]

Am I not gonna have to move out of my room when guests come? I like giving my room to guests.

[B]

You never established Max's room. Really.

[A]

I know.

[B]

So do it. Make it the guest room.

[A]

Sorry, Max.

[B]

Sorry, Max. No, they'll love sharing their room together when they're older.

[A]

Well, I think maybe when we transition to big kid beds, that's what we'll do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cute. When we get back from Colorado, we're hard launching potty training. And then after we get a. Hold a handle on that, then I think we'll.

[B]

What do you. What's your approach? Did you get the oh, crap or potty training book or whatever?

[A]

We have a bunch of potty training books, and it's actually Max's favorite book. It's the book he chooses every night now before we go to bed with Billy.

[B]

He wants potty.

[A]

He wants the potty training book. And we have the potty training chart. So every time they sit on it, they get a sticker. Every time the. The charts done, they get a prize, which I don't know what the prize is yet.

[B]

Get them crocs and make it croc charms. That's what we're doing.

[A]

Oh, fun. Yeah, that's cute.

[B]

I gotta hit order on the croc charms anyway. Joe's a hoarder and his office is a fucking mess. And I.

[A]

He's always been a hoarder.

[B]

And he'll be like, don't spread my business and shame me. It's like, honey, I'm not sure shaming you like, I'm an alcoholic, babe. Like, everybody's got their deals, but I. But we wouldn't deal with me being an alcoholic, now, would we? And we're not going to deal with you being a hoarder now, are we?

[A]

And what. What does. What. What do hoarders like about hoarding?

[B]

I couldn't tell you. I'm not one.

[A]

Well, yeah, that's why I'm curious. Can you get them on the phone?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know what it is, but it is.

[A]

Is it, like, junk or is it, like, compulsive?

[B]

No, it's like compulsive mess.

[A]

Because I know the backyard is like,

[B]

well, that's going too.

[A]

Like, gym equipment. That's.

[B]

Oh, he can keep his gym equipment. But I'm getting rid of everything else. I'm getting rid of everything else. I'm done. And he's like, well, this is. This is fancy equipment. It's like, for what, babe? For what? When are you gonna use it? You had two years to sell it. You didn't sell it. You didn't use it. I'm throwing it away. It's trash. Not paying rent to store it. I'm done.

[A]

You're done?

[B]

I'm Done. So it wasn't just a hand gesture?

[A]

What was the hand gesture?

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, wait, did this go down on the after sip? Like, can we.

[B]

No, no. I literally. I started rolling on the after zip and then I hung it up. And he's like. He does this thing where he. With his beers.

[A]

Oh, Shane hates when I do that.

[B]

Everybody hates when anyone listen to it.

[A]

Sometimes Shane will be like, I'll be in the car and it will be like a. Just like a nervous thing I do sometimes. Or I don't even know if I'm nervous, but I'll just be doing it. Shane will be like, I'm so sorry, but can you stop?

[B]

No, that. That's me. That's me. And I'm sitting there and I'm. He's doing this, and I don't even real.

[A]

I don't even real. And sometimes I like, pull it and twist it. Just. Yeah, I just got.

[B]

Joe's doing that the whole fucking drive. And I just go, can you please stop doing that? And then it was as if I'm a monster C U N T for saying, can you stop doing that fucking irritating thing? And then I go, can you not. Can you not fucking blow up at me right now over this? And this is. Mind you, like, this is. I'm coming off of, like a week of him just doing things that are so emotionally and financially taxing and that I can't stand it. And so at the end, it's all related to the mess. And the mess has got to fucking stop. It has got to fucking stop. There's no reason for it. When we go to walk the kids at night, Joe doesn't put Billy's water table toys away, so they're strewn across the yard. So to get the stroller out, it's like working around landmines. And he, honey Badger kicks the toys this way and that way. And every time he kicks a toy, I have rage in my stomach that I fucking, like, swallow. Because it's like, do I need to get. Do I need to ask this adult man to just clean up a mess and stop kicking shit around and destroying property? Or can I just enjoy my walk with my family? And then it's like, I'm gonna enjoy my walk with my family. I'm gonna enjoy my walk with my family. But nobody's enjoying the fucking walk because you can't stop taking shit.

[A]

Joe, you know what was super cute?

[C]

What?

[A]

You carrying your children in a laundry basket out of a party that. I watched that video a couple of times it melted my heart. I was like, give her mom of the year period. So cute. I don't re. Watch your videos a lot because there's a lot of them, but that one I did have to replay.

[B]

We went to a very cute World cup party last night for, like, toddler soccer tournament. And every family was supposed to dress, like, representing a different country and to bring a snack from that country. And I am so proud of. Of what we did.

[A]

I mean, you have been in the kitchen.

[B]

Barely. I mean, we represented Brazil and we made acai bowls. It was my nanny's idea. She's brilliant live, but here.

[A]

She a lesbian or something?

[B]

No, she's not. Shut up. Shut up. She's a good person.

[A]

I believe it.

[B]

She's just a good person.

[A]

Okay, hold on.

[B]

I want to show Chris. Chris, these are the cups we made.

[A]

James, does she ever encounter, like, a rift between you and Joe?

[C]

Right?

[B]

They say Bill and Ernie's acai World Cup.

[A]

And did you, like, print them onto sticker paper or did you tape paper onto the cup?

[B]

I taped paper onto the cups.

[A]

I mean, they're so cute.

[B]

This is the final execution.

[A]

How did you keep the acai cold?

[B]

So you can just buy frozen acai from Costco. So that's what I did. And I didn't. I didn't unfreeze it. I just put it in, like, bricks. And then put the toppings on top of it. Yeah, exactly. And then put the toppings on top and then put the soccer ball and the Brazil flag.

[A]

Question for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Has your nanny ever experience. Experienced, like, a riff or a rough moment between you and your husband?

[B]

I don't think Liv. Oh, she almost did. Cuz see, Joe does this thing where it's like, when I'm at my. My worst emotionally, Joe piles on which is crazy, and that's why I hate him.

[A]

His mom's listening.

[B]

No, I love this man more than anything in the world. He's an incredible father. He's an incredible partner. He makes me laugh. He's so sexy. I have so much fun with him, and I hate him. And that's just what marriage is. Do you know what I mean? Like, it is what it is. I don't truly hate him. You know what I mean? Like, I love him very much. But in our fight just now, he was like, gotta your happy places. Like, I'm gonna pretend you're dead.

[A]

You said that out loud. That's.

[B]

I'm at my wit's end.

[A]

That's bad. What is your hap. That's something you guys do, you'd say, just go to your happy place.

[B]

No, he was being aggressive. He was being nasty. Okay, so that's why it was nasty back.

[A]

It was like.

[B]

That's the other thing. Like, you know, two wrongs don't make a right. And that is true.

[A]

There's like, everyone.

[B]

There's a reason why they say that. But I also, like, I can't. It's so hard for me to let him be wrong.

[C]

You know?

[B]

Like, it's really hard for me to just let that go because in my mind, I'm like, I'm not going to eat your shit in front of my kids. Kids, you're gonna eat my. But then when it, like, it's like, honestly, I should just eat his. Which is so annoying because then he can be the. My kids can grow up and be like, we hate dad. And I'll be like, me too.

[A]

Oh, my gosh, this is getting toxic. I think it needs family therapy. I do not.

[B]

I mean, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. In the moment, in this moment right now, I am kidding. Because something that really works for me usually is being passive aggressive. No, I'm joking. I'm joking. But I'm not. I'm just. I'm laughing because of the way that it sounds. Because it sounds exactly how I've said it.

[A]

My crutch. My crutch in any sort of frustration is just like, well, I had to do everything. And it's like, no, I didn't.

[B]

No, no. For me. For me to become calm instead of escalating, to be a solution instead of a problem is I will passive aggressively and pettily protect my piece where I'll just be like, fine. Like, you can be an. And I'm not gonna. And I am an unbothered queen because you. And that's what I say in my head. You know what I mean? Like, out outwardly, this is me.

[A]

The cops are coming for Joe. They know he's charging across the street.

[B]

They're coming for me.

[A]

Well, this is a good podcast. Yeah, I. I'll bail you out unless you did something horrible.

[B]

Okay. Like, the only horrible thing I did this morning were those muffins.

[A]

I thought they were fine.

[B]

Well, you're disgusting.

[A]

Did you hear my high pitched eye?

[B]

Cause you're scared.

[A]

Don't worry.

[B]

I'm passive aggressively and pettily protecting my peace. And then in my head, and I was texting my friend about this, she's like, how do you manage the moment like this? Like, honestly, sometimes I Just like out loud, say, you know what? You're right, honey. And I love you so much, and it's okay. And then in my head, I go, you stupid.

[A]

I guess James has to see this witness.

[B]

In my head. In my head, I go, you but it. Out loud, I go, you know what? I'm cool. It's fine. Let's move on. It's not a big deal, because I

[A]

think the only people.

[B]

And in my head, I'm throwing ninja stars and screaming, I hate you. Because I don't really hate him. I love him so much. He's my whole world. I love this man with every fiber of my being. And then he does this and then this to kill him. But really, I would have won the day if I had just sat there and been like, you know what? Let him scratch his beard. That stupid. And that's what I mean when I say if I passive aggressively and pettily protect my peace, I win. Kind of.

[A]

Yeah, right, Right.

[B]

Does anyone want some advice for me? Because clearly, I'm the most hinged person.

[A]

Oh, yeah. No, a lot of people, actually. There's some other people that are frustrated with their partners that are like, oh, they're here.

[B]

That's my suggestion to anybody with a partner in the world. Just passive aggressively, pedaly, protect your peace, and in your mind, throw your ninja stars.

[A]

Unless it's a real problem, and then you've got.

[B]

And then you've got to go. If it's a real problem, then you've got to go. Like, the hoarding is a real problem, so it's got to go. Do you know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I'm not mad about it. And I, you know, I feel bad because this man, I'm positive, is going to watch me throw all of his away on Friday.

[A]

Or you remove him from the fun.

[B]

Period. Period.

[A]

Same. Same rules that apply to our toddlers apply to our husbands, and there's not a big difference.

[B]

Sorry, I'm just nibbling some flesh off. Do you want this?

[A]

No, I'll keep it.

[B]

I'll put in my pocket.

[A]

Okay. You want to talk about your weekend, or do you want me to talk about my emotionally draining week?

[B]

Oh, man. Either is good. Honestly, we could do it all. Well, I'll just give a quick update.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Billy got his ear tubes.

[A]

Thank God.

[B]

Praise the Lord.

[A]

Third time's a charm. Or this is the fourth time.

[B]

The fourth time. I don't know. We almost canceled it, too. He had like. Because you. He can't be sick and anesthetized because it's dangerous for toddlers. So like two days before, he had clear snot in his nose. You're like, don't look at him.

[A]

And in my experience, like, I know it's like, clear is fine, we're ready to go. But I've never had clear snow that doesn't turn into not clear snot.

[B]

And then the next day, a big

[A]

thing of not clear snot came out of business. Because I always hear Lizzie in my mind, like when I was trying to bring my kids with hand, foot and mouth disease to Billy's first birthday party. Well, if it's clear, you're fine. All the moms show up clear snot. And then like a year plus later, I'm like, I've never had clear snot. That just goes away. It always develops into something.

[B]

Yeah. So we got a. We got a not clear snot the next day. And I was just like, oh. And then I googled it. It was fine. I was like, just tell the anesthesiologist, tell the doctor when you get there.

[A]

And if they're not comfortable, they won't.

[B]

Yeah. And he's like, but then we have to get up at 5am I was like, then we have to get up at 5am and that's what it is.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And he did. And he was an incredible dad. He got up at 5am, he made sure Billy was ready. He made sure Billy had a good time in the waiting room. He cried when Billy was taken away. He, you know, he's an amazing father. And he is Billy's best frickin friend, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And to a point that it hurts my feelings because I'm like, this man only is good at being a father because of me.

[A]

And then you went and had another baby, so you have to split some of your time period.

[B]

But Ernie's my barnacle boy, so whatever.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so everything went well.

[B]

Everything went well. The only thing that was truly awful was they give the kids something to like chill them out. So that when they're separated from the parents before they're anesthetized or whatever it's called.

[A]

I hate that.

[B]

I hate it. And so when he got home, Billy was like, drunk. And I was so fucking triggered and disturbed by it. Like, I'm sure anybody else would be like, this is so funny. And I'm just sort of like, this is my worst nightmare. I'm an alcoholic mother with a child who's acting drunk. It was awful. That's one of my biggest fears too. And it's Just, like, I gotta let that go because I can't control his life or what he's gonna do or what he's gonna try or how it's gonna go. I can set him up for a safe place to land, but, like, that scares the fuck out of me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he, like, I went to Hugo's and got all of us breakfast from there so that he would have something to eat because he hadn't eaten. And I put the almond.

[A]

Said hi to your best friend.

[B]

You. So I bring home the pancakes from Hugo's.

[A]

Oh, Almond energy pancakes. Yeah, girl.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Strawberries on top with a little bit of syrup on the side.

[B]

A little dipper. Billy can't stand up. His legs are jelly. He's so wasted. He can't stand. So he's sort of, like, wobbling. And we're just holding him because he also wants to be standing, which is insane.

[A]

And he's just like his mom. I feel like you would have been the same.

[B]

I had already turned the lights off because he was going like this.

[A]

It is funny and devastating all at the same time.

[B]

It really was upsetting. And so then he's, like, standing there like this, trying to put the pancakes into his mouth, and he dips it. Yum. Then puts it back, picks up the entire thing of syrup, throws it back like a vodka shot. Literally finishes the entire dipper of syrup, puts it to his ear, and that's, hello, Bobo. This kid was belligerent. Yum.

[A]

Shane will always give, like, little dippers. He'll like, make a healthier ranch with, like, Greek yogurt.

[B]

Good for him.

[A]

And he'll give it to Jet, and instead of Jet, dipping the stuff into the, like, healthy ish ranch. Yeah. He just starts taking the ramekin, licking it. I'm like, no, no.

[B]

Well, that's why you give it to. That's why you put the ranch seasoning in a yogurt, because at least then they're eating yogurt.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's. That's brilliant. Yeah. My hat is off to Shane.

[A]

And Joe's surgery went well.

[B]

Joe's surgery went well? Yeah.

[A]

Is he recovered? What was.

[B]

No, he can't breathe. I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

And the whole point was it all

[B]

seems like it's worse. It all seems like it's got to

[A]

get worse before it gets better. Because it has to heal, right?

[B]

Who knows?

[A]

Has to heal. Okay. She doesn't want to talk about Joe. Fine.

[B]

No, I mean, I'm just like. I don't Know, like, this is the thing. These are all the things. Like, I'm like, we risked your life for a process and now you can't breathe at all?

[A]

Well, I would. It's been less than a week. I would think it would have to. Like, he said it was just supposed

[B]

to be a few days, and now he's like, maybe this is because I was using so much Afrin. And I'm like, well, why are you using so much Afrin?

[A]

That's why he can't breathe.

[C]

I know.

[A]

You're only supposed to use this for two or three days at a time. Has he been using that his whole life?

[B]

Just, like, should I throw him out on Friday? See, this is what I'm saying. Like, I love this man so much. And then it's like, just fucking can stop causing problems.

[A]

Okay, so you guys know I've been house hunting. It's no secret.

[B]

It's no secret.

[A]

It's no secret.

[B]

You know, I've been needlessly out in these streets trying to uproot my entire existence so that I can feel alive.

[A]

I don't know. Don't you ever just need a change?

[B]

Yeah, but I hate moving.

[A]

Oh, I love it. Oh, well, I love my current house, too, but whatever. So you love moving. I mean, I like a new beginning. I like a fresh start. I'm out of things to vlog at. At my house.

[B]

No. Then come to mine.

[A]

I will.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I will see you when I'm back for my vacation.

[B]

Oh, you're never coming.

[A]

I will. No, I'll come.

[B]

No. Talk about the house you didn't get is my neighbor.

[A]

Well, so I've never been looking in this specific area because if I'm being honest, I feel about this neighborhood how Lizzie feels about all of la. That's not the Valley. Yeah, like, it's hideous. And a lot of celebrities live there. Yeah. You don't live there?

[B]

No. So don't take offense, but I would live there. I would live there.

[A]

Have you seen the shopping centers?

[B]

No.

[A]

They're hideous.

[B]

Well, what are we. We're never at a shopping center.

[A]

We're always at a shopping center.

[B]

Are you serious? You have the commons. That's it.

[A]

Beautiful, though, right?

[B]

Gorgeous.

[A]

Gorgeous.

[B]

They've got turtles and sugar fishes.

[A]

I mean, Rick Caruso made a beautiful thing.

[B]

Greg did the damn thing.

[A]

He needs to go to that neighborhood. I was considering. I have no idea, okay? Other than he makes beautiful things and pissed me off taking out my favorite movie theater. That was rain. I think he ran once upon a time. I Don't think he won.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Or maybe he was.

[B]

Oh, what am I gonna fidget with? Oh, it's a full moon for sure.

[A]

But in comes the most beautiful house I've ever seen in my entire life.

[B]

God would argue. It was both of our dream homes.

[A]

It was the prettiest thing I have ever seen in my life.

[B]

Gorgeous.

[A]

Just so happened to be open the day I discovered it. We went, we spent like two hours there. And even Shane was like, my whole dream is to live by the beach. And even I'm considering this house.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I get all excited because it's really like only less than 15 minutes from Lizzy.

[B]

Oh, I looked at his location. He was 16 minutes away from me.

[A]

And that was in like, heavy traffic.

[B]

That was at rush hour.

[A]

So in the morning, probably, like 12 minutes away from you.

[B]

We could have so much fun. Why are we talking about.

[A]

And so I was live laugh, loving the fact that, like, I could meet Lizzie at Universal on, like a whim. She could come over every day and we could swim. It would be beautiful and fun.

[B]

I could bring dinner over and the boys and it wouldn't be that hard.

[A]

Oh, it was gonna be amazing. So we went back again. Spent three hours there.

[B]

You spent three hours there?

[A]

Hours there. We're like dreaming what our life.

[B]

What do you do at someone else's house for three hours?

[A]

Big decision.

[B]

But what were you doing there?

[A]

Going through. Mapping it out, trying to. To decide.

[B]

For three hours.

[A]

Can you believe?

[B]

Do we even work for three hours? That's so long.

[A]

Emotionally invested. So we make an offer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Higher than asking price the next day. That house got six offers. Houses aren't moving in la. Like, the housing market is dead in la. It's a buyer's market. Like, you can get a deal right now if you're really looking. Because, like, interest rates are high. It's just a nightmare. It's a nightmare out there. And so we put an offer. They're like, we have six offers. Some are all cash. It was up to like 5 or $600,000 over asking price. And it seems like it was just gonna keep escalating.

[B]

And that is so crazy.

[A]

And I was like, I guess I'm not meant to live next to Lizzie in the Valley.

[B]

We would have had so much fun. I think you guys really should have done something financially irresponsible.

[A]

And I. Shane was saying, if you really want to be financially irresponsible, we can try. And I was like, no. He wanted. He. He loves the house, but he could not get over.

[B]

Whereas. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Trying to, like, fight to, like.

[B]

I mean, I can't even justify buying a house in California, period, let alone spending a bazillion dollars over, which is just crazy.

[A]

There goes our future together.

[B]

I hope the people that got that house are miserable.

[A]

Well, it was a nun's covenant. Covent. Covenant Convent. Convent.

[B]

It was a convent?

[A]

Yes, back in the day.

[B]

Wait, like what day?

[A]

I don't know what day.

[B]

Okay, so that is haunted as then.

[A]

Yes, but it felt like. Because they were like, God loving nuns, I felt.

[B]

Nuns do seem to have a good time. I will.

[A]

But nuns did die there. Like, it's. That's a matter of fact.

[B]

Nuns did die there.

[A]

So it's like it's haunted. I thought, like, oh, it's probably a good haunt, but it's like nuns did die there. Into that property, and it was like an oasis that you couldn't even dream up. The space, the layout, the property. Spanish Revival, gorgeous.

[B]

Nuns did die there.

[A]

I mean, what can I say?

[B]

Nuns did die there.

[A]

What can I say? So screw me. We're just gonna be at the beach. I'll never see you ever again.

[B]

I'm in jail anyways. Like, what are you even doing moving close to me? I'm getting arrested any second for red rubbing.

[A]

And because it was the most beautiful house I ever seen, I just got all emotionally worked up over it in a psychotic way and then felt emotionally hungover all weekend because I had already planned my whole life there. I had been at that house for a total.

[B]

I thought it was happening.

[A]

We all did.

[B]

I texted Rylan yesterday. I was like, are you going to tell me on Monday that you guys got the house? I was like, what's wrong with making a cash offer and saying you don't give a shit about the inspection?

[A]

Yeah, somebody.

[B]

You don't love me.

[A]

Somebody came in with all cash, insanely over asking waived inspections. And I was like, you know what? They deserve it.

[B]

Did they? Well, they're gonna get all that numb non ghostery.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Praying for them.

[A]

Praying for them. Do you have anything else, or do you want to get into our hot Topics? Yo, your dad. I guess you better mention your dad.

[B]

Whoa. Yeah, I have to mention my dad.

[A]

Hey, Christopher McGarry. How are you doing today?

[B]

Hello, Christopher McGarry survived the full moon.

[A]

What happened to you on the full moon?

[B]

He actually sent me some bird videos, which were really sweet this morning, and I played them for Billy and Billy goes Birdie.

[A]

Can you believe. That? His backyard.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can you hear that? It is Gorgeous.

[C]

Where he lives.

[A]

Are we more moving to north Connecticut or where does he live?

[B]

Connecticut.

[A]

The one that's going. That's a northern cardinal. Those are the red birds.

[B]

He sends Billy these videos.

[A]

That's cute.

[B]

It's really cute.

[A]

And so what happened to him this weekend?

[B]

He went to a. His wife's nephew's wife's family reunion in Massachusetts or something.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And they're close with my stepmom's nephew, and they have three kids, and it's cute. I could see that. And so they go.

[A]

The air conditioning.

[B]

Okay. They go to this dinner, and my dad sends me this picture. He sends me this picture and says they recognized me. I was like, and your family asked

[A]

for a picture with them?

[B]

He said it was a family gathering. I was like, like, they recognize you as in you're their family. Like, what do you mean they recognized you? Hold on. I have to actually see what he said because it was so funny.

[A]

And then he proceeds to take a picture. He's like, can we get a picture together so I can show my daughter?

[B]

She said, hey, this is. He said, hey, this is Lexi. She recognized me from the sip. I said, really? Or is this just a family member?

[A]

Hey, Lexi, thanks for watching the set. Hey, Lexi.

[B]

He said, both Amelia's in laws. I said, that's embarrassing for Amelia. Because there he was like, she's very educated. She's very smart. And I was like, yeah, that's a crazy thing about our audience. They are very smart. They're smart and hot.

[A]

They need an escape.

[B]

Everybody needs an escape.

[A]

They need an escape. They need to listen to two dumb people talk. They need to be like. Like, let me hear what's going on in these dumb people's lives.

[B]

And then Amelia's family starts going like, oh, what's the show? We'll check it out. She goes, please don't. No.

[A]

She's gonna admit to murder.

[B]

My stepdaughter's a slut.

[A]

She had two babies in two years.

[B]

What a.

[A]

Okay, this is the best. Do you want to do any of your Hot Topics?

[B]

No. Okay, it's one Hot Topic because I was going to do more Hot Topics, but then my husband picked a fight with me.

[A]

Oh, my God. It literally is one Hot Topic that is a paragraph long.

[B]

Well, I just thought, you know, we're edging out the end of Pride Month, so why not have one more gay thing?

[A]

What are you going to do to celebrate the end of Pride Month?

[B]

No, this.

[C]

Oh, probably just work. I'm so busy.

[A]

No, what did the full Movie.

[C]

I didn't even. This is the first year in forever. I didn't get to go to the parade or do anything. I've been so busy.

[B]

Well, this is the first day I've seen you not wearing pride merch.

[A]

Oh, he's mourning the end of pride.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We didn't even know you're gay today, the 29th. They're never gonna know.

[B]

Quick, get him some pride stuff. He's gonna be sick.

[C]

I literally thought I'm like, I should wear my gay shoes one more time, but I didn't.

[B]

Do you only wear them during gay times?

[C]

Yeah. It feels like Christmas. I don't want to wear a Christmas sweater outside of Christmas.

[A]

Oh, so you're performative for the month?

[C]

No, it just feels special.

[A]

No, I get it.

[C]

It doesn't feel more special.

[A]

Special. You're so. Okay. Well, my husband's feeding my children smoothies from Sun Life.

[B]

They're so cute. They're so freaking cute. All right, all right.

[A]

So what's your story?

[B]

Leila Taylor from Mormon Housewives is by. She says whether that was being. Oh, she never really had time to explore herself, whether it was being a mom or in a marriage. She was in a marriage. At one point, she goes, or I was in a marriage at one point, I was married. And I just feel like I always. I was always fulfilling other people around me, and it honestly just caused me to never really focus on myself and never be able to really just sit alone with who I am as a person.

[A]

Well, I don't know about her specifically, but those Mormons do get married and have kids at, like, 19, 20, 21.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So how could you figure yourself out, bro?

[B]

I. My dad sent me a box of shit from when I was that age. And one of the things that I found was my diary. And it made me want to do bad things. It made me sick.

[A]

Or a lesbian.

[B]

I'm so embarrassed that I exist after reading that, but one of the pages was like, I had done a doodle. Haley and I want to get this tattoo. It is so ugly.

[A]

Did you have fun with your friends?

[B]

Yeah, but let me get finished this thought.

[A]

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

[B]

I wanted this tattoo that was so damn ugly and would be so regretted.

[A]

Let me guess.

[B]

You'll never guess.

[A]

What are those things that you shake? A fortune teller ball. What are those called?

[B]

An eight ball.

[A]

An eight ball?

[B]

A magic eight ball? No, it was just a flower with the lyrics, here's to the knights written around it. But it was really ugly. And now that I'm saying all this out loud. I realize I do have a tattoo very similar that is very ugly that I regret more than anything. The point being. Thank God.

[A]

Tell us about it.

[B]

It's just a tiny little flower, and it says loyalty, and it's like a

[A]

bad joke, but I ended up getting

[B]

it with Haley's little differences. That's drama. That's drama. Haley and I got in a big fight over this tattoo and didn't talk for, like, a month.

[A]

Yeah, well, it worked out because she came to visit you. Last week was a blast and a half.

[B]

It was a blast and a half. Our kids got to play around. Billy and I harassed Lily to the point of tears at one point. Sorry, Lily. Girl, we love you. We took her to Tickle Town, where there is no mercy. And apparently, some kids need mercy.

[A]

Lizzie's a bully.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I'm a boy mom.

[A]

So what's this? Oh, and what were you gonna. What was your.

[B]

The point. The wraparound for? The thing is, I do believe that everyone, no matter their age, is better served by learning themselves and becoming who they are. And once they do so, the world will be their oyster.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I.

[B]

So, congratulations, Layla, on your bisexual lesbianism.

[A]

I wish self discovery on all of you hosts.

[B]

Oh, I think I wish self discovery on all of you hoes.

[A]

I think that is the greatest gift you could give yourself. I almost did it on accident because I wanted. I had such a. A strong will to move here, but had I not moved here, it would have been a lot more hard to do so, I think, because everyone's just so accepting in Hollywood. But I think you should give yourself the freedom. It's worth your time to do whatever you have to do to find and discover yourself. Find what makes you tick. Find what makes you want to wake up and do something in the day. You know, like, don't just dread life because life is dreadful and hard. Because life is hard.

[B]

Yeah. And it's gonna be hard no matter what. And you can't live it for other people.

[A]

Exactly. Well, should we get into some advice, though?

[B]

Yeah, we should.

[A]

God could only hope. My phone's connected. Well, what happened to you on the full moon?

[C]

What? Oh, I mean, I got in a huge fight with my boyfriend. Strongly considered breaking up with him.

[B]

Do it.

[C]

More than I ever have.

[B]

Do it.

[A]

You guys are all bringing this to the public podcast today.

[B]

Okay, Chris, tell us.

[C]

I related to every. Everything Lizzie was screaming was very therapeutic for me. Like, I was like, oh, that's the

[B]

only reason why I share.

[A]

Why did you get in a Fight. Well, you don't have to tell us if you don't want to tell us. Is there a root cause that's like a theme that everyone can relate to?

[C]

He's been spend. I don't know if everyone can relate to this, but he's been spending every weekend home. Yes. And.

[A]

And you work during the week at

[C]

the start of the year, moved in finally, which is something I've wanted forever, and I was so happy. But then after moving in, he started spending every weekend back home. And, like, the weekdays were both working, so we don't see each other. And so my days off are the days that I have to be able to do anything, have a date night or whatever. He's home. And it was all in preparation.

[B]

We'll see. Pause. You just called his other place home?

[C]

Well, it feels like that.

[B]

And that's what I'm saying. Like, that's a problemo.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes, it is. It really is. And it feels like he always can't wait to go back there. And then we're not that long ago got in a fight and he just straight up said, I hate la. And I'm like, so then what happens here? If you hate it here and you clearly don't want to be here, what happens in the future? Refuse to have a real conversation about that. And then. And then, like, oh, so allegedly the reason he was going back home was to work on a thing for a show that was coming up that passed already. So I'm like, so now I have my weekends back. And then he's like, well, no, not this weekend either, because 4th of July and whatever. And I'm like, oh, so there's just always gonna be new reasons.

[B]

But I bet 4th of July out there is lit.

[C]

It is that.

[A]

Are you invited to fourth of July?

[C]

Yes. Yeah. But it's. It just feels like there's always and forever going to be new reasons and he's never, ever going to give me my weekends back. And so I was like, well, I need some weekends. And he's like, what, do you want me to live out of here 100% of the time?

[A]

And I'm like, yes, you go. You go visit your family for, like, you know, like an event or a function or a party.

[C]

Yeah. And. And he just seemed really mad about that. And then I was like, I regret ever promising this and all this stuff. And then, like, again, wouldn't have a real conversation. And then just left. Just like, gotten, like, just started walking towards his car and I'm like, what are you doing? Where are you going? And I'm like, embarrassingly being like, where are you going? In the parking lot.

[B]

You should have seen me at Hugo screaming at Joe.

[A]

Wait, it happened at Hugo's?

[B]

Oh, no, that was a different fight.

[A]

Oh, okay. We'll get to that.

[C]

After he drove away, as I'm talking to him, and I'm like, I don't want to do this anymore. Like, the fighting. And the last thing he says before he drives away is, okay, I'll come back Sunday to get my shit, and drove away.

[B]

Okay, bye.

[A]

So that's where you're currently at.

[C]

And then he comes back last night and is, like, texting me, like, oh, like, good morning and stuff. And then just, like, shows up last night, like, nothing. None of this happened. I'm like, it sounds like you broke up with me.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What do you mean? I'm so angry.

[B]

You're like, I'm already in another relationship.

[A]

Well, where do you guys want to eat today to feel better about all of this?

[B]

Oh, sugar fish.

[A]

You want me to eat sushi for you guys?

[B]

We both want that, right, Chris?

[A]

Is that what's gonna make you guys feel better?

[B]

I'm so scared. Me on camera talking about Joe at Target this weekend, and it's gonna ruin my life.

[A]

That's why I'm always telling you in

[B]

public, okay, I'll chill out. I'll chill out in public.

[A]

If you see Lizzie out in public,

[B]

and I'm screaming because my husband doesn't know the difference between minerals and clay.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Sunscreen? This was the fight we had. I was just trying to explain to him the new sunscreen we have is causing rashes on my body because it's drying me out. It's gonna give rashes to my children who have my skin. So I said, when we use the sunscreen, because it's like mineral sunscreen. It's like a clay mask. It'll dry them out. And he goes, clay's not minerals. And I was like, okay, yes, it is. First of all, not that it matters.

[A]

Do you think he knows the difference between an insect and a bug?

[B]

I hate him, too. Now, this is the thing. Like, do I give him grace? Do I just have to eat his grace on air all the time?

[A]

No, he's throwing. I don't think you always give me grace.

[B]

Here's some grace. You're right.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

Now I know how it feels to be Joe, and it doesn't feel good. I'm actually cleaning my shit up and going too. Actually, I'm with All your husbands. We're leaving.

[B]

Thank God.

[A]

It feels nasty to be on this end of things. God, my husband is texting me. Okay,

[B]

are we gonna do advice, though,

[A]

or are we just gonna go to Sugarfish? Well, Sugar Fish or Nobu.

[B]

We're going to Nobu. Full Senate. Let's go right now.

[A]

It is fucking cloudy today.

[B]

Listen, there's not a chance in hell that I'm ubering home without getting Nobu right now. Let's go.

[A]

Let's go to Nobu. But let's see.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Okay. Welcome back. We have decided to go to Panda Express. You know, with all the drama going on in our life, I thought it wouldn't be really very kind of me to be like, sorry, Shane, you can't work today. But I get to work because there's no nanny at our house.

[B]

But it would be very in keeping with the full moon and Shane's.

[A]

But I'm gonna go to Nobu. See ya never. You know, so I just felt like it'd be a little more respectable to just do something calm, relaxed, and I don't know that we've ever been to Panda Express on the SIF official podcast. No.

[B]

And it's because I hate it, but I'm actually living for it right now, and I'm so excited, and I can taste it.

[A]

What do you hate about orange chicken that's delicious?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I'm a bad person, but I like it right now.

[A]

What do you like about Panda Express? Oh, everything.

[C]

Literally everything on the menu. I love Panda.

[A]

I feel like it sounds like it's gonna hit the spot right now.

[B]

I know it's gonna hit the spot right now. My spot needs to be hit.

[A]

We need to hit the spot on a full moon.

[B]

Hit it.

[A]

That spot needs to be hit. Okay, I'm too afraid to film, so I'm gonna give this to Chris. Be brave.

[C]

Hey, your doors scare me.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And this is a beautiful Panda Express, right?

[C]

This is maybe the nicest one I've ever been to.

[A]

I mean, I think we can get, like, a big plate, a bigger plate. There's three entrees and a bigger plate, and we can try it all. They were testing burritos for a while, and they never brought it here. It wasn't. It was like a.

[B]

Everything smells delicious. Look at how gorgeous the decor is.

[A]

Look at these drinks that they're featuring. Should we each pick?

[C]

Oh, I want the mango guac.

[A]

I want the watermelon Mango, half chamine, half rice.

[B]

What is this?

[C]

What is it? Lizzie just said it for real.

[A]

Wow. Look how gorgeous. It also looks clean. Like, so clean.

[C]

No, this is a nice location.

[A]

Are you going to get the brisket? I can if you don't want it.

[C]

I'm happy to get it.

[A]

I mean, we all have to taste it, but I don't.

[C]

Or do you want just a side of the brisket?

[A]

Oh, yeah, we can do that.

[C]

We can all take a piece.

[A]

Okay, Hurry, quick, before it. Let's 2k everyone hug.

[C]

That's crazy. That's the first ever.

[A]

I hated it.

[B]

The fact that you just put this camera on the buffet is actually making me want to die.

[A]

Well, win at Panda Express. I gotta go.

[C]

I gotta go.

[A]

All right, girls, we have what seems like the best day of our life ahead of us. Honestly, I'm so impressed with how clean it is. And you can see all their fresh veggies that they make and mix in with their meats. Even Lizzy was like, it is fresh.

[B]

Oh, she spamished. This looks like. Like maybe mine or is that the chef's special? That's mine. I'm going to have to put this in my mouth right now.

[A]

Do you think the freeway noise is. I think if we just sit on this side. I don't think you could see us at all. I think we might have to go inside or to the car.

[B]

It's going to be more enjoyable in the car for us anyway. We're not wincing.

[A]

We had to get into a controlled environment. It was too crazy.

[B]

Food's still out there.

[A]

It is.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Does anyone like hot mustard or soy sauce?

[A]

Oh, my gosh. Yes. Probably. I guess we'll do luck of the draw after. I guess we can get your camera rolling while she gets her food.

[C]

Did you take one cup of work? Second six. Sorry.

[A]

Okay, go ahead.

[B]

I was just about to say I'm having a rage response to the sound of the car doors shutting.

[A]

Sorry about it. Wow. You can go. I don't know, but I'm kind of living for these refreshers.

[B]

Yeah, the refreshers.

[A]

F U C K. Have you already tried it? Yeah, it just looks like it. FPCKs.

[C]

The new refreshes look so good.

[A]

I love panda.

[C]

I would say I'm a big panda guy.

[B]

I think I love Panda too.

[A]

Oh, I got the watermelon mango and it is refreshing. Is this the peach? Mm. Wow. Elizabeth is already in. I got the Kung Pao chicken And is it delicious?

[B]

It's kung and powan.

[A]

I got the chef's special and I'm. Oh, my gosh. I have music playing. Stupid idiot. I guess we should.

[C]

The peach lychee is so good. Is it lychee or lychee? Either way, delicious.

[A]

I think lychee. See, before I use my fork, I'm gonna serve some of the additives. So orange chicken. Mm. Are you gonna take a piece of orange? Uh huh. So we can all try it together? Oh, the world's biggest piece of orange.

[B]

What a blessing.

[A]

Do you want some orange, Chris?

[C]

Yes, please. Here.

[A]

I'll actually just pass it back because it's. Are the green beans for the group too? What's this?

[B]

Oh, I thought it was all for the group.

[A]

I mean, it technically is, but we have plates, so. What is this?

[B]

It looks like something I already got.

[A]

What is it? So you don't need that. This is for Chris then.

[C]

Oh, thank you.

[A]

Wow. Are the noodles better or are the rice better?

[C]

This just looks like a string bacon chicken, is it not?

[A]

Yeah, I think it is. Okay, what's this one? Mongolian beef maybe?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Red peppers and it fucks. Really? Yeah, it looks like it fucks. I love a red bell pepper.

[C]

Would anyone like a honey walnut shrimp?

[A]

Oh, did we get the whole thing? We went there for Chris, which was the brisket.

[B]

We came here for something you said. We're just trying to get a menu. We were.

[A]

Oh, I don't care. It looked disgusting to me.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

We'll get it after. We'll eat now and then. We'll get it after.

[B]

I'm just sorry.

[C]

I thought we got it on the side.

[A]

No, we could have.

[C]

I don't.

[A]

Who cares?

[B]

What is it?

[A]

It's like Cantonese brisket, barbecue brisket. They have like a new meat for the first time in a long time.

[B]

Why does everyone keep saying new meat?

[A]

Because it's so new.

[C]

I'll run it in. If I really don't mind, I think it's kind of important.

[A]

We'll get it before we go.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

What is it?

[C]

It's brisket.

[B]

What is it?

[C]

Oh, honey walnut. Someone's got to take some honey water.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Me, me, me.

[A]

Did I not give Chris a honey walnut shrimp?

[C]

Here's a walnut.

[A]

Well, he wasn't kidding when he said the chef's special is hot. He said chicken breast breaded.

[B]

Oh, he's crying.

[C]

Oops.

[A]

Chicken breast breaded with hot sauce.

[B]

Dynamite sauce.

[A]

And it is crazy good. Are you guys gonna try one?

[B]

No. Not with your eyes burning like that. I learned my lesson the other day.

[A]

I touched that One. But I haven't eaten off my fork.

[C]

Oh, no. Man down.

[A]

Hopefully I didn't. Okay.

[C]

Oh, that is really good.

[A]

Do you just eat the whole shrimp piece? I'm not like a seafood girl.

[B]

What if you can handle it?

[A]

Is that what you do?

[B]

Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Nothing wrong with that.

[A]

No, it's pretty good.

[C]

Yay.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

Ernie got shrimp for the first time and he fucks with it.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Mm. I do love that. Even if it's something you're not sure about. That. Lizzie, you said this last time, but you will try it always. And that's really cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Brave boy.

[A]

I will go to sushi with you guys just to see, you know, because I haven't had it in a minute. But everyone always tries to say, like, oh, you're gonna like it. Just go with me.

[B]

Who sells that to you?

[A]

I mean, it's been a while. I'm not social anymore.

[B]

Anymore. Oh, this was a long time ago.

[A]

In my 20s I was social, you

[B]

know, this was 20 years ago. Hair cabbage. My favorite.

[A]

Okay. Is the. Is the traditional orange chicken still the best?

[B]

Oh, yes.

[A]

It's so good.

[C]

It really is.

[B]

And the fried rice. She fried girl.

[A]

And the noodles. How often are you guys hitting panda? It's like a sleeper for me. I don't really go.

[B]

I really. It's every three years, it seems for me. I haven't been since I was pregnant.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

I think I go a couple times

[B]

a year since before I was pregnant, I would say.

[A]

Well, where do you guys frequent the most? Like, where are you going if you're going to fast food?

[B]

In and out burger.

[A]

Me too. Yeah.

[C]

That's the number one for sure. Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow. We're all aligned. That's pretty crazy.

[C]

A lot of the times I'm getting fast food, it's like really late and everything else is closed. And In n out's open later than anything, I feel like.

[A]

Really? Is it really?

[C]

It's open until like 1.

[B]

I'm never out late.

[A]

No, we're not. Alright. And then this is sesame chicken with the sesame seeds. Is that how that works?

[B]

Yeah. May I take a piece since we're trying it?

[C]

I always get super greens because then I can lie to myself and be like, this is so healthy.

[A]

I'm so healthy right now.

[B]

The sesame chicken.

[A]

So good. Oh my God, it's so good.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Us up, mommy. Wow.

[B]

It's a little bit like eating meat donuts with sweet sauce.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

What's not to Like. Like. Everybody loves a meat donut. Mmm.

[C]

I'm sure I've said this already on the soup, but did you know Panda Express started in Glendale?

[A]

Really? I'm pretty sure.

[B]

Impressive. Go off, Glendale. Mm. Mm.

[A]

We have the veggie rolls. Thank God, I guess, for us to keep trying new things, it's probably. You probably don't want to watch us eat the whole bowl.

[B]

No, watch.

[A]

Just watch.

[B]

Open your eyes.

[A]

Just watch us eat Panda Express in silence, because we could.

[C]

I don't think there's anything I like, fully dislike at Panda. It's all pretty good.

[A]

I think I'm full.

[B]

How did that happen so fast?

[C]

Shoot.

[A]

How did that happen so fast?

[B]

Would you mind handing me back the Mongolian beef?

[A]

Is that what you like most? Mm.

[C]

Which one?

[A]

Really?

[B]

This one?

[A]

I guess it is good, huh? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't know. I think I like the one that's making my nose run the most.

[C]

The spicy one's good.

[A]

It's really. I mean, it does have a kick, and it's the one that's making my nose crack. And it's an enjoyable kick. It's not like that, Jackson. Yeah, that was awful.

[B]

Are you trying to trick me into eating it?

[A]

Well, it's hot, but it's good. And it's not.

[B]

It's making your nose run. I feel like I'm being tracked.

[A]

I feel like that's the better piece, but okay.

[C]

No, that's good.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

No, no, you're right.

[A]

Oh, no, that one.

[B]

That is the better piece.

[A]

That's like. That's just donut. That's a sauce donut.

[B]

I can already see. There's pepper. Pepper poly curls. Yum.

[A]

Oh, wow. He's backing in like a pro. Back at him, Daddy.

[B]

Backing him. Back it in.

[A]

Okay. Uh.

[B]

Oh. Uh, oh. Oh. There's cool teens out here.

[A]

We got our Christmas PJs up in Panda Express.

[B]

It's too hot. It's too hot.

[A]

But he's holding the door for women.

[B]

It's too hot.

[A]

He's holding the door for women everywhere.

[C]

Uhoh.

[A]

What?

[C]

This is dying right now, actually.

[A]

Oh, I didn't. I forgot you ate.

[B]

It's not as bad as the other thing, but it's too hot. That is too hot. It hurts my throat.

[A]

It's bold on us. Well, it's only 71 degrees. It feels a lot hotter than that. Bet you wear your Christmas PJs out in July.

[B]

It must be like pajama day at the high school.

[A]

I think the high school's Out. Right?

[B]

These kids looking sleepy.

[C]

Well, I mean, that was me every day in high school.

[A]

And Chris wasn't Agora Hills. I was going to say Agora Hills is a little sleepy. Didn't. Didn't you go to Agora Hills High School? Kicked out because he has a punchable face.

[B]

You've forgotten.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

We have to try the wontons, the crab rangoons. And is it just cream cheese inside?

[B]

Yeah, they actually call them cream cheese

[A]

ragoons because aren't sometimes they crab?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Other locations that aren't. Panda Express.

[C]

Young Christopher loved these. I haven't had these in forever. I feel like the sweet and sour sauce goes really well with these.

[B]

I agree.

[C]

I think. I think you need a. I concur.

[A]

It's nice and crispy on the top and a little gooey on the inside.

[B]

I was actually shocked they didn't offer us a dip.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Did they normally.

[C]

Did they? For the. Not for the vegetable rolls either.

[B]

No. I feel like that's a must.

[A]

Yeah. Well, what kind of sauce do we need?

[B]

Sweet sauce.

[C]

I mean, we gotta get the meat anyway. I'll get it.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

So just one of the beef and the sauce?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Beef and sauce. So tell us your deepest. Oh, he didn't close the door. He was too good.

[B]

Okay. Honestly, though, I appreciate it. Because if he slam comes back and slamming it, I might kill myself.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. I can't do the slamming of these doors.

[A]

You've always had something out for the G wagon. I have.

[B]

Or just a G wagon. Have something out for me. Okay. I could tell you something real right now.

[A]

Okay. Please do.

[B]

I've been having crazy bursts of love for your husband just thinking about little, sweet, cute things. But I think it's psychotic if I tell him I'm thinking those things and then I feel bad not telling him the things.

[A]

Right. I had one of those for you this weekend when I was re. Watching my vlog before I put my vlog up. And I was like, wow, I really love her. Oh, like, we're so lucky to be friends in, like, especially where we're at right now.

[B]

Oh, it. I don't think. To live so close and to be in the same life stage and to have been in the same life stage for so many years is dope.

[A]

And then we're like, go on vacation with our kids together. So fun.

[B]

So fun to sit in the car and eat panda on a Monday together.

[A]

I know. When I was bitching this morning on the after sip, I was like, everything's going wrong, but you Know what? At least I'm going to work and hanging out with people.

[C]

I enjoy talking about everything going wrong. They're out of the brisket. They're out.

[A]

I guess scrap the whole thing.

[C]

But here's the sauce.

[B]

Did you give it to you in a cup?

[C]

I asked for a cup, but I meant for the sauce. I meant, like, a little dipping cup. Yeah. What?

[B]

What the fuck is this? I've never seen this. This is so awful.

[A]

Wait, that's crazy, right? That they're out of it? Like they just ran out for today or they're, like, done with it?

[B]

Oh, I'm so sorry.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

The tea went down the wrong pipe. I might cough a bunch.

[A]

I really love the chef's special, though.

[B]

I could never. It injured me.

[C]

Yeah, the chef special is very good. It's old.

[B]

I like the honey sesame better.

[C]

Do you like the walnut shrimp?

[B]

I love the walnut shrimp, but I know of it. I'm familiar with her. Mmm. This is really good. This is like.

[A]

That's the sesame chicken. It's like.

[B]

It's different.

[C]

Does anyone else do hot mustard, or am I sick?

[B]

You're sick.

[A]

You're disgusting.

[B]

No, hot mustard's normal.

[A]

No, he's a weird walker.

[B]

He is a weird walker, but we know why now. Or was that just on the after sip? Does everyone else not know?

[A]

Uh.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

I don't think we publicly shamed his weird walking.

[B]

Well, should we tell them that it's got weird feet?

[A]

Oh, gosh.

[B]

Okay, I got that bell pepper I just ate. Was a dynamite bell pepper, and it feels like instant karma for you.

[A]

Want to take a veggie spring roll?

[B]

Chastising Chris for being a weird walker.

[A]

So what are we dipping the veggie spring roll in?

[B]

The sweet and sour?

[A]

Okay. Are you ready?

[B]

Am I recipe?

[A]

Is she ready?

[B]

She ready?

[A]

I think I'm just gonna pour mine on this.

[B]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna put mine right on the source.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. You guys are better than me.

[B]

This is something I say that I sing to Billy. Ooh, wee,

[A]

sunlight in my eyes. But who cares, right? I'm gonna back up. Do you have a little. Do I have a little room? I smell it. Okay.

[B]

They're gooier on the inside than I remember.

[A]

Really? Or does this location just do it better?

[C]

I like the vegetable rolls, but I think the chicken rolls are way better.

[A]

Did they have them? I didn't see that as an option.

[C]

I didn't see it either. I think they were out of that too.

[A]

Slimy.

[C]

On the inside?

[B]

Yeah. Not what you want.

[A]

Really slimy on the inside.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Shockingly slimy.

[C]

Did you try some sauce, though?

[A]

Yes, the sauce is good. The slime of the texture is grossing me out in a really big way.

[B]

It doesn't work for me either.

[A]

That of slamming a G wagon door, rubbing a beard.

[C]

The chicken one could never be slimy.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Ah. He said, oh, my God. The texture really turns me off.

[B]

It's not for us.

[A]

That is not for me.

[B]

That's for other people.

[A]

It must be for Chris. He's not complaining yet.

[C]

I still like it.

[A]

He's back there enjoying. Wow, that hot one really does have my nose running. That's crazy. The best of the day. What do you guys think?

[B]

For me, it's the Mongolian beef.

[A]

For me, it's the chef special. It's basically orange chicken, but hot.

[B]

Oh, I couldn't tell. It hurt me so bad.

[C]

I love it all. I think the orange chicken's just always. I know. That's such a, like, cliche answer.

[B]

No, it fucks.

[A]

It's so good. Let me see.

[B]

There's a reason why it's cliche. Cliches are good.

[A]

You know, my problem with the orange chicken is Trader Joe's came out with their own version of that or have had that forever. Do you guys all know what I'm talking about? And in my early 20s, I really burnt myself out on that to a point where I'm, like, grossed out by it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Just because it was, like, a cheap, easy dinner for one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so I, like, made myself sick off of that. And so now I have, like. I'm turned off.

[B]

That's fine.

[A]

It's not Panda's fault. Panda did something so good that the

[B]

world had to copy it.

[A]

Yeah. That the world had to copy it them.

[B]

So now are we rice girls or are we noodle girls?

[A]

Okay, that's a complicated thing for me.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I like a little of both in each bite.

[B]

Each bite.

[A]

I mean, I have some hot chicken, some rice, and some noodle.

[B]

Wow, that's crazy.

[A]

The flavor's all the same.

[B]

That's almost like an open relationship romance.

[A]

You don't like mixing them?

[B]

Hold on, I'm gonna try.

[A]

You're not a fan. That can do both.

[B]

Little beef, little nudes.

[A]

I love them both. How can you pick this one? No, you mix them, Chris.

[C]

But the question is to pick.

[B]

You don't have to. He didn't.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I love them both. I think if I. No. No one's making me, but I Feel obligated. If I had to pick, I would pick the fried rice, but I love them both.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

That's a hot. I would be fine without either, honestly.

[A]

Me too. I think it's nice to, like, reset after a bite of good. Of their good meat, but I think

[B]

it's taking up space in the stomach that's already full.

[A]

The noodles are a little dry.

[B]

Mmm. I disagree.

[C]

Really? Yep.

[A]

Well, you're stupid. Now I'm just wishing I had more of Chef Special. So I'm getting a little sad.

[B]

Me with the Mongolian beef, but here she is.

[A]

You have more.

[B]

I'm full. I can't keep doing this.

[A]

Okay, let's stop.

[B]

It feels like Panda is made for binge eating and then napping.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So we'll see you guys later.

[C]

I normally just get a bowl, like, not even a tube. Just, like, a rice and a meat.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I didn't know that was an option.

[B]

Well, you should get a bigger plate.

[A]

Well, you had the biggest option.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I wanted us to be able to try more things, but really they just gave us a. I should have done more proteins and not done the rice and the noodles.

[B]

I don't think you get a choice,

[A]

really, because it just took up a lot of retail, you know?

[B]

Right. A lot of real estate.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

I hope that people can see the light instantly leaving our eyes when we eat fast food and that they try to do better for themselves.

[A]

It's interesting because Panda's a sleeper hit. Like, it didn't seem that busy when we were in there, but it has been a constant rotating door ever since we came out.

[B]

And they're out of fucking everything.

[A]

Well, all right, all right. Well, I had fun with you guys today.

[B]

No, I had fun with you guys today. Damn. Look at this girl's blowout. She's living, laughing, loving.

[A]

For sure. She's going tonight.

[B]

Va, va, voom.

[A]

Damn, that is some bouncy volume.

[B]

Should we Cat call her? Hey, baby, you looking fine as hell today. Sheesh.

[A]

And from a lesbian. That's almost offensive. Listen, like, it's almost. Oh, my God. We forgot about the best part.

[B]

What?

[A]

Our fortune.

[B]

Can we handle a fortune right now? All right, let's do it. But if my fortune's not good, God help us all.

[A]

Okay, I like the cream cheese wonton a lot too.

[B]

That's one of Joe's faves. Joe's a honey walnut shrimp guy. Oh, are you surprised?

[A]

No. Nothing about Joe's surprise is me. Okay.

[C]

This one feels like Lizzy.

[B]

Oh, I thought it was. Where?

[A]

Who's Pointing at what this one feels like.

[B]

Chris, you can't play God.

[A]

Okay, well, then I picked mine.

[B]

You. No, we have to put them in the. We have to put them in a circle. And whichever they're pointing at, the way that they're pointing at you. If they're pointing at you, that's your future.

[A]

Okay, then how do we do it?

[B]

Toss them.

[A]

Okay, give it back.

[B]

Give it back.

[A]

Chris, I feel like we just. With fate.

[B]

I think you did okay. No, toss them on the table here.

[A]

They're gonna fall.

[B]

Well, obviously this one's mine.

[A]

This one is winning at Chris.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. It shows you. Let's get our fortunes, babes.

[C]

I feel like fortunes used to be real fortunes back in the day, and

[A]

now they're, like, vague, like, because they

[B]

don't want to offend or have people like me go off,

[A]

Period.

[B]

What.

[C]

What's.

[A]

A partnership shall prove successful for you.

[B]

Wow. Your friends are delighted by your kind, your sense of humor.

[C]

Gosh, literally, that's real.

[A]

Sorry, I was closing you because the bouncy volume came back.

[B]

I couldn't hear you. That woman's girls were so voluminous.

[A]

All right, tell me what you said again.

[B]

Your friends are delighted by your keen sense of humor. That's not a fortune, though.

[A]

No, that is the truth. Even Spencer, who's, like, very, like, you know, he's like, has an elevated. He's not.

[B]

He's better than us.

[A]

We get it, okay? He doesn't give compliments just to give compliments. And he genuinely, like, will be like, lizzie's funny.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's such a relief, because I'm out in these streets trying to wear clothes that Spencer likes.

[A]

That's devastating. And you wore that one for him, huh? I wear everything for him. He's not allowed near me right now.

[B]

What's he sick with?

[C]

I feel like yours are both so sweet. Mine doesn't feel so sweet.

[B]

Uh. Oh. What is yours?

[A]

You're gonna get it worse.

[C]

Modify your thinking to adapt to new situations.

[A]

Okay. Wow. It's giving him critical criticism.

[B]

Read it again.

[C]

Modify your thinking to adapt to new situations.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

It is really telling to Chris to, like, readjust his life.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

After everything we've talked about today, doesn't that feel telling?

[C]

I guess so.

[B]

Wow, These really did pick us. They really did.

[A]

Good. I wonder what partnership is going to make me so successful.

[B]

It's me. I'm right here. We are partners.

[A]

What if we're going to partner collectively with another partnership? Oh, you know, I'm not thinking only selfishly.

[B]

I Was just assuming it was our already great partnership.

[A]

Okay, let me have another sip of this refresher.

[C]

They are really good.

[B]

I, like, finished my refresher.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I'm gonna finish this goddamn cookie.

[A]

Honestly, if you just want to have, like, a nice cheat meal, Panda is a good way to go.

[B]

But I would say it's maybe like, four cheat meals.

[C]

Get a bowl. Get a bowl.

[A]

Just get a bowl. I don't know. I was happy with my big one.

[B]

Did you finish it?

[A]

The meat? I finished. I didn't finish the rice. And the new. You know what? I just. I need, like, to tell them the tiniest amount of rice in the tiniest amount of noodles and three proteins tell

[B]

to them just like that too. The tiniest amount.

[A]

However you want to charge it, you figure that part out. But I just want the tiniest amount of noodles and rice because I like them both together with a piece of

[B]

meat, and I just don't want to hear any of this.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[A]

We only got three wontons. We're only left with a slimy fucking veggie stick.

[B]

Devastating.

[A]

I'm okay.

[B]

You said they could never do you wrong.

[A]

Yeah, come on. Never do you wronger.

[B]

You're having a rough day, Chris. You deserve it.

[A]

You deserve it.

[C]

Thanks, guys.

[A]

Well, that was delicious. And I hope that you guys feel fun, flirty, and ready to attack. Ready to attack any men. That does you, man. That does you wrong.

[B]

No, we're gonna. The men. Mm.

[A]

Speaking of men, there's one right now

[B]

that was a real man.

[A]

Real man. Okay, well, you guys, we had so much fun with you. I hope you had fun with all of us. Everyone's links are in the description section below. When does your Disneyland vlog go up?

[B]

Tuesday.

[A]

So yesterday.

[B]

It's already up.

[A]

It's already up. It's already up.

[B]

I had the hardest night because I like. I watch stuff after the kids go to bed, and I was like, oh, I'm gonna watch Ryland's Disney vlog. Then Ryland's husband Shane dropped a vlog? No, a podcast. I couldn't turn it off.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

I was sucked in.

[A]

Oh, you were in that one.

[B]

I was getting that one.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

How was that reception to you?

[B]

Honestly, so far, it's been warm.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is shocking.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

For the sdp.

[A]

I know Lizzie's always afraid to go on there because she's like, they don't like me there.

[C]

Oh, Haley Williams is walking in.

[B]

Is that really Hayley Williams?

[C]

It looks like it.

[B]

No, she's a girl with yellow hair.

[A]

We're gonna accept save for a pic. What if it's Haley? I'm asking for a pic. Go tell her she's got a voice on her. Yes, she does.

[C]

I love her.

[B]

Okay, I'm gonna eat the rest of my slimy fucking thing.

[A]

That watermelon refresher.

[C]

Delish.

[B]

Okay, I'm done with this. Why can't I stop?

[A]

I really wish I had a crab wonton.

[B]

Is this cursed? Is this food cursed? Why can't I stop it?

[A]

I can't have another cursed day.

[B]

I. I know you cannot. You've been having some cursed ass days.

[A]

I hope my husband's okay. Do you think my babies are asleep?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, it's 1:30. They're definitely asleep. Jets up. Max is asleep.

[B]

Hold on. I have eight messages from the daycare care.

[A]

What do they want from you? Who knows if it was important they call, right?

[B]

Yeah, I guess.

[A]

Okay, well, while we check on our kids. We love you so much. Is it fine? Oh, I'm so full.

[C]

Help.

[A]

Can we just say goodbye?

[B]

Yeah, we can start. We can say goodbye.

[A]

All right. Thank you guys so much for watching, enjoy and enjoying the sip. We love you so much and we will see you next Wednesday. Oh, we got to figure that out.

[B]

What?

[A]

Well, because I'm going to be gone on Monday, so we're there. Whatever, you guys. We love you so much and we should see you next Wednesday. We will. We always find a way.

[B]

If there's a will, there's a way.

[A]

We always find a way, girls. All right, thank you so much for watching and enjoying this. We love you so much. We'll see you next week.

[B]

Goodbye. Goodbye. And that's the sip.