Tasting EVERYTHING on RAISING CANE’S Secret Menu!!!

Summary

The Sip with Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon

Episode: Tasting EVERYTHING on RAISING CANE’S Secret Menu!!!
Release Date: April 8, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this lively and unfiltered episode, Ryland, Lizze, and friend Chris take listeners along as they set out to taste and review secret menu "hacks" at Raising Cane's. The core of the episode features their irreverent banter, parenting adventures, honest discussions of sobriety, pop culture hot takes, and plenty of comedic side tracks. The episode wraps up with their in-car food review and a frank assessment: Raising Cane's is best when you make your own mega-sandwich. Along the way, the hosts tackle pop culture news, parenting tales, and the ups and downs of everyday life, all with their signature wit.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life Updates, Parenting, and Easter Tales (00:00–10:28)

• The group opens with energetic banter about life events, Chris’s recovery from a scary incident, and everyone's (over-the-top) Easter celebrations.
• Ryland and Lizze discuss reflecting on routines, taking kids out (to movies, egg hunts), and pushing the limits with their children.
• Quote:
  “‘I did the fourth egg hunt for my sons, too.’ —Lizze (01:30)”

2. Sober Milestones & Honest Talk about Addiction (10:28–16:31)

• Lizze celebrates 7 years of total sobriety, candidly sharing about her journey.
• She openly contrasts different approaches to sobriety, including the “California sober” phase and why she ultimately gave up all substances.
• The pair discuss perceptions and social awkwardness around sobriety in Los Angeles.
• Quote:
  “‘I've been sober for seven years. The greatest gift I get to give my children every day is my sobriety.’ —Lizze (13:37)” “‘I don't think I could handle anything in life without it… before, I was just suffering and waiting for life to end. Now I wake up every day super grateful, madly in love, and I'm still psychotic, which is fun.’ —Lizze (13:51)”

3. Smoking, Hypnosis, and Giving Up Vices (16:31–18:48)

• Lizze talks about quitting smoking through hypnotist Carrie Gaynor, describing the procedure, skepticism, and eventual success.
• Discussion about current youth culture glamorizing smoking again, and a humorous aside about how Ryland was “disgusted” by Lizze’s habit.
• Quote:
  “‘Cigarettes don't count if you've had beers.’ —Lizze (15:49)” “‘I left the third session [of hypnosis], never had a withdrawal symptom and never had a cigarette again.’ —Lizze (16:18)”

4. Everyday Struggles: Marketplace Haggles, Building for Kids (07:41–10:09, 26:12–28:20)

• Lizze humorously recounts failed negotiations on Facebook Marketplace and play structure shopping woes.
• The hosts share stories of DIY projects gone wrong, kid kitchen sets, and accidentally missing out on great deals.

5. Pop Culture & Media Chatter (13:10–15:14, 46:13–49:59)

• Commentary on Jon Hamm, Friends and Neighbors, and Friends, and Neighbors.
• Discussion around Alex Cooper’s rising media empire, her Target brand deal, and the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus special.
• Quirky anecdote about Miley confronting Alex about buying the house next door.
• Quote:
  “‘Miley Cyrus doesn’t get enough flowers. She gets her own flowers. And good for her.’ —Lizze (47:57)”

6. Sobriety Real Talk & Lamar Odom Doc (34:00–40:42)

• Lizze opens up about addiction, referencing the Lamar Odom documentary and relating to the mindset of "if I stay drunk, it's not a problem."
• Empathetic talk about how addiction affects everyone in the addict's orbit.
• Ryland and Lizze riff on the unfairness of addiction and how sobriety changes your worldview.
• Quote:
  “‘The sober part of your brain becomes so alive and so beautiful and it doesn’t cost anything. The dark side costs something—it costs your entire life and all of your money and everything you know and love. And the sober part is free.’ —Lizze (38:00)”

7. Raising Cane’s Secret Menu / Food Review (60:29–85:20)

• The hosts head to Raising Cane’s, attempt to order “secret” menu hacks—but realize the menu is quite limited by design. They cobble together their own signature “slider”: breaded chicken, coleslaw, fries, sauce, and toast, served as a sandwich.
• Lively debate about how Cane’s food is bland without the signature sauce—consensus: Cane’s is basically "all about the sauce."
• Quote: “‘Raising Cane’s is nothing without their sandwich. Nothing on menu.’ —Ryland (78:58)” “‘To me, Cane’s is nothing without the sauce, which… Cane’s is only sauce. Everything else is just like a breaded chicken.’ —Lizze (77:37)”
• Amusing observations about the drive-thru staff (Chris is smitten by a drive-thru worker), missing toast, and the chaotic nature of eating in the car.

8. Miscellaneous Banter & Personal Updates

• The group’s irreverent take on “momfluencer” culture, kid names, running into parenting TikToks, inside jokes about shorts riding up, and ideas for viral Amazon products (“tight shorts that don’t ride up”).
• Quips about age and having more kids, vasectomy talk, and joking about parenting logistics.
• Spontaneous asides about current news: Savannah Guthrie’s mother mystery, gray whales dying in the Bay Area, and the sighting of a narwhal (“the unicorn of the sea”).

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I almost wanted to be daring and try to go to Super Mario with them and just—[sighs] You probably could. Yeah. You could probably do, like, 45 minutes. All the trailers.”—Ryland & Lizze (02:14)
• “You get the best of both worlds… I hate me less even though I’m the most me I’ve ever been.”—Lizze (14:18)
• “The work [of sobriety] is for yourself, right? It’s in your best interest. Once you get to the root of why you’re trying to mask whatever, your life, you feel great.” —Ryland & Lizze (39:25)
• “We’re making—Lizzie’s face is taking the air fryer—No, we’re making… No, we’re making sandwiches, the secret menu hack!” —Ryland (67:18)
• “The bread’s salty. Why is the bread so salty? Do you think they came on it?” —Lizze & Ryland (73:51)
• “I fear I’m going to be sick… Should I just not eat those last four French fries that I needed more sauce for?” —Lizze (82:48)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–01:23 | Life updates, Easter, and parenting energy
• 10:28–16:31 | Sobriety talk, anniversary reflections, and social experiences around being sober
• 34:00–40:42 | In-depth: Lamar Odom doc and addiction conversation
• 46:13–49:59 | Alex Cooper’s Target deal & Miley Cyrus confrontation at the premiere
• 60:29–85:30 | Raising Cane’s drive-thru, order chaos, and the in-car food review (making the "secret menu" sandwich)
• 73:55–77:45 | Verdicts on food: “Cane’s is all about the sauce”

---

Tone, Language, and Atmosphere

The podcast’s tone is snappy, sarcastic, and uncensored, with lots of warm, candid moments—listeners feel like they’re hanging out with two irreverent friends. Parenting, pop culture, and mental health are discussed with humor, grit, and occasional self-deprecation. The dynamic between Ryland and Lizze is playful and supportive, with Chris as a comedic third wheel. The language is conversational and sometimes explicit, true to the show’s unfiltered style.

---

Listener Takeaways

• The “secret menu” at Raising Cane’s is really just making a mega-sandwich with all menu items stacked together—solid but messy, and “all about the sauce.”
• Sobriety and addiction recovery are recurring, honest themes for both hosts, with insight and wit.
• "Momlife," pop culture, LA life, food opinions, and spontaneous gossip are central, tackled with humor and refreshing candor.
• Fans of relatable, irreverent lifestyle content with a food review twist will find this an on-brand, engaging episode.

---

End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

You're just drunk with power.

[B]

Yeah. A decision is not my strong suit. Today we're at Raising Canes.

[A]

Today we're raising Cane. Oh, everyone's here.

[B]

Grass, you're gonna be rich. Okay, so we're trying secret menu items at Raising Canes. No,

[A]

I should write a Yelp review about our Patreon. If she likes it that much, don't you think?

[B]

I don't think there are Yelp reviews for Patreon, but sure, we can.

[A]

You can write Yelp reviews or anything.

[B]

It's odd to see Chris so optimistic, given what had happened to him last week. Did you just see that slate?

[A]

No. What is it?

[B]

It said, life is so good, and he showed up today looking like he's walked straight out of an L.L. bean ad.

[A]

Did you come last night?

[B]

Look at his model. Look at him, like, in his delicious neutrals.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

Looking like a snack.

[A]

You get that settlement money early?

[B]

He had extra time to stop by and get us all smoothies.

[C]

I got a rental today. Life is so. Yeah, I now have wheels again.

[A]

He's independent.

[C]

Yeah. I don't know. That was such a scary incident. And, like. Was that a word? And then I. I don't know. I just woke up today. I'm like, it could have been so much worse. I could have been, you know, And I'm doing, you know, like.

[B]

So you're alive.

[C]

Yeah, Life's good. I don't know. I had a great day with my mom yesterday.

[A]

Happy Easter.

[B]

What did you guys do? Easter? Yeah.

[A]

She do an egg hunt for you?

[B]

I wish.

[C]

You know what?

[A]

We did it for our sons.

[B]

I did the fourth egg hunt for my sons, too.

[A]

That's an excessive amount of egg hunt.

[B]

Sorry. Everyone that knows them wanted to do a different egg hunt.

[A]

That's pretty cute.

[B]

So, Easter. Wow. So you and your mom, like, had a date?

[C]

Yeah, every Easter, we have, like, a routine. We go to church, then we go to, like, brunch somewhere. Normally Marmalade Cafe. And then we, like, see a movie or whatever. We saw Project Hail Mary, which was so cool.

[B]

Ever gonna take me?

[C]

It's.

[A]

No one's ever take you. Why won't Shame go? It's a great movie.

[B]

We've just. I don't think we've had time. When am I supposed to go with children?

[A]

I mean, you find time. I know you find a lot of time.

[B]

Well, we were raging with them all weekend, so it's like, yeah, what am I supposed to do when I'm raging with them?

[A]

I can't wait till we can Take the kids to movies.

[B]

I know. I almost wanted to be daring and try to go to Super Mario with them and just.

[A]

You probably could. Yeah. You could probably do, like, 45 minutes. All the trailers.

[B]

Then we. Yeah, we skedaddle as well.

[A]

And it's like, no offense to the Super Mario movie, but, like, you don't need to stay in the.

[C]

If you both went together, you could rent, like, the whole room. It's not crazy expensive.

[A]

How much expensive?

[C]

You just let your kids go nuts.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Or we could just, like, put it on in their living room.

[B]

Well, then we have to wait for.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I don't know. I think, like, the experience of taking them to a movie for the first

[A]

time would be special.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. We should do it at City Walk.

[B]

Oh, well, City Walk.

[A]

Well, and then right afterwards, we can go to Super Mario World.

[B]

Oh, that's a big day for babies, but okay.

[A]

I know. That's why I'm like, whatever. Grow up, babies.

[B]

Dipping and doing it. I'm so lame. I'm pushing them to their max lately anyway, so.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

Staying out until past their bed and then being like, all right, let's go home now.

[A]

Fun, fun, fun.

[B]

So did you contact? Have you made any progress? You don't have to, like, give details if it's gonna be, like, something you can't talk about yet.

[C]

It's so early. I don't know almost anything. I can't really give any up.

[B]

But you contacted some people.

[C]

The only. Yes, we contacted people.

[B]

I.

[A]

And they going to be rich. Life is good. That's why we all got smoothies today. Life is good. You're going to buy a house in California.

[B]

Okay, well, I'm happy. And you're feeling okay. Your body.

[A]

No, he's not. He's not okay.

[B]

That part. Genuinely.

[C]

I'm in a lot of pain and not a lot of medication.

[A]

He's hurt. He's hurt.

[C]

I'm on muscle relaxers and painkillers, so I feel great.

[A]

That's why he's in a good mood. Should you be driving?

[B]

There's, like, a new air to him. We need to get a photographer.

[A]

He's high out of his mind. He's like a desperate housewife on pills now.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Get a photographer in here.

[A]

He's living, laughing, loving.

[B]

Wow. Okay. This is fun.

[A]

You know what? Next week, we're staging an intervention, so enjoy it while you can, baby.

[B]

Lizzy also came in here high on drugs. Drug.

[A]

It's like, I'm on cocaine.

[B]

I was one sip of Matcha. And she's like. And that's not an exaggeration.

[A]

No facts.

[B]

She's never walked into the office, like, screaming. And the one time she did that, there's, like, a group full of people at the dining table. No one ever here. Damn it.

[A]

No one's ever here.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

Everyone was here.

[B]

I love you people.

[A]

I don't really know we're here.

[B]

And now she just goes straight into my office, like, after, like, in a full, like, body of shame. And I go, we'll go say hi to them. She goes, I already did.

[A]

I did. I did. I said hi to everyone. I walked in, hello.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And I was like, oh, everyone's here. As if this is my own space. That's the craziest thing about me.

[B]

Neighbors are going to start pounding on the wall again.

[A]

Shut up. I'm like, hello.

[C]

No.

[B]

Why don't you come sit down? We want to talk to you.

[A]

We powed back on the walls. How are you? As Billy would say,

[B]

that's for knock.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why don't you just teach him knock?

[A]

We are trying. He's a baby idiot. He's a dumb baby. Wow.

[B]

Maybe he should learn a little faster.

[A]

This morning, Joe was like. I think he took up, like, Billy took a bite of a plum. And then he went, apple or no, he went, appy. And Joe went, oh, he's saying he's happy. And I was like, no, he's literally an idiot and thinks it's an apple. This is sign language for apple. He's saying appio, like apple. Happy.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And it was a plum. Idiot.

[B]

Loser. Oh, my God.

[A]

I'm like, oh.

[B]

And he's in school.

[A]

I know around other kids and they. And he skipped a grade.

[B]

The. My kids are already counting to 10. Know their shapes and colors.

[A]

What?

[B]

I know TV taught at them. To them.

[A]

TV taught at them. I mean, obviously TV taught at them.

[B]

I meanthrough TV, they could probably teach me how to talk at this point.

[A]

I just trying to explain to my dad the podcast, even though he watches every week. And I'm like, dad, it's all feelings. It's like words. It's not stories.

[B]

What do you mean? He knows exactly what it is. We sat his ass down here last week and he did you perfectly. We've never had. I don't think we've ever had more comments on a podcast, which is really how flawless he performed.

[A]

Honestly, we have to turn the comments off. Off.

[B]

So what doesn't.

[A]

Why his head is so big now. He came over to my house and he came over to my house the day. Oh, Chris wants to be muted. He came over to my house the day the podcast went live. And he went, elizabeth, I broke the Internet.

[B]

He is such a ham. Huh?

[A]

He is such a ham. I'm reading all these comments. People really like me.

[B]

So then why didn't he show? He didn't think he could top himself this week.

[A]

No.

[B]

So he stayed far away from us.

[A]

My stepmom's in town.

[B]

No, he's just. In fact, he can't top what he

[A]

had done last time he was here. We robbed him and we gave him shit about coffee.

[B]

We kind of did do that.

[A]

We really did.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

We bullied that poor old man.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Right off the side.

[B]

So what's been going on?

[A]

With who?

[B]

You? This podcast is about us, right? Anything happened to you this week or what?

[A]

My baby is seemingly on the brink of rolling back to front.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Which is insane.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

He's just a little thickums.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

How's my little thickums growing up so quick? I love them so much. Joe and I are trying to navigate the cold, cold world of Facebook Marketplace.

[B]

What do you need?

[A]

A play structure.

[B]

How big of a play structure are we shopping for?

[A]

Big one.

[B]

Really? For the backyard?

[A]

Yeah. One that is not age appropriate for either of my babies.

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

One that is so fucking crazy.

[B]

I got an age appropriate one for my children at the time, and they've already grown out of it, period. And now they're like, they've like, mastered the playground.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The big boy playground. And it's like, what are we, like

[A]

we do in here?

[B]

Drugs? Yeah. Well, yeah.

[A]

No, not for me.

[B]

No, thanks.

[A]

No, thank you. Wow.

[B]

So who's going to build that?

[A]

Well, we have to secure one first, and I'd rather not buy one brand new because they're all over Facebook Marketplace

[B]

and now not even from Costco, your favorite institution in the world.

[A]

Like, it's like fifteen hundred dollars.

[B]

And what are they on Facebook Marketplace?

[A]

Like a thousand?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Well, no, they're more than fifteen hundred dollars. They're more. They're like. They're close to two thousand. And then on used, you can get them between like, 650 and, like, a thousand dollars.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I blew it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I thought this was a marketplace where you could, like, you know, haggle. And, like, as my friends, you can't. Apparently not, because I. These are hot commodity items because we found like, a basically brand new exactly the one we wanted to buy, and it was like $1,000 cheaper. And so we were like, we want this. And he was like, all right, well, there's a delivery and an installation fee.

[B]

And we were like, they're gonna installation it?

[A]

Yeah. And then that's where I started getting cheap. I was like, well, how much is it?

[B]

No, whatever they're charging for installation is worth it.

[A]

I know, because your husband can't do it. I already lost the bid.

[B]

And your dad, he can do it. He can do it, but, like, come on, save him a buck.

[A]

I think he would love to do it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But my dad says scary shit, like, I'd like to make it where I cut the wood. And I'm like, we'll buy a kit. We'll buy a kit.

[B]

Okay, so what happened?

[A]

We lost it. Yeah. I was a cheap bitch. I was like, well, what if we don't want the installation? It's like, we do want it. Why did I say that? Like, what was that? What kind of a haggle is that? What if I want to fuck myself?

[B]

No, even building the. Building anything for children is a nightmare. You just end up, like, cursing the whole time and then stubbing your toe and then pulling out your hair and screaming, and you're just like, why did I even attempt to do this myself?

[A]

So my dad also bought a kitchenette for Billy, and then he built it. So I'm calling it Papa's Kitchen, and I'm gonna print up a picture of Papa and put it in the kitchen for Joe. Or Joe. What's Joe's child's name? Billy.

[B]

And he likes it.

[A]

He loves it. Poor guy is so busy just filling orders all day. Cook, cook, cook. All he knows is cooking and dishes.

[B]

Because now I have to build one.

[A]

Well, you can ask my dad to build one for you.

[B]

Will he?

[A]

He probably would. And you know what I'm gonna do? Vlog it. I'm serious.

[B]

What, are you gonna give the big update about your life?

[A]

What?

[B]

Well, you had, like, a huge milestone this weekend.

[A]

Oh, did I?

[B]

Or is that not for the podcast anymore?

[A]

I mean, like. I mean, it's for the podcast. Okay.

[B]

Tell the podcast.

[A]

It's for the pawdience.

[B]

I was proud of you.

[A]

What were you proud of me for?

[B]

For.

[A]

For what?

[B]

How many years sober?

[A]

Seven.

[B]

Seven.

[A]

Seven years. No drugs or alcohol.

[B]

And because you tried being California sober once, you first flirted with sobriety, right?

[A]

Yeah, but California sober really quickly leads to club drugs, which is crazy.

[B]

What's a club drug?

[A]

I would say, like, MDMA and, like, cocaine. I never did cocaine. I wish I had, because I think I'd be a lot cooler If I did.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

It just seems like cool people do cocaine.

[B]

I tried it once, and it was awful. I was at this party in Venice Beach.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And my roommate at the time was like, you'll be fine. You'll be fine. And, like, I'm not, like, a drug person in general. Like, I've never even had, like, a weed phase.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, I've smoked weed, but I've never had, like, a face where it's like, my personality for a while. Yeah, not for me. For some reason. And so then I'm at this party. Everyone's, like, a little bit cooler than me. We're on the west side, so it's 98% straight.

[A]

God, west side sucks.

[B]

The parties are such a drag if you're straight.

[A]

If you're gay and not on cocaine, everyone at a West side party or a rich people parties, like, when we're doing cocaine. But, like, do you think I have a drug problem problem? And I'm always like, just because you found out I don't do cocaine doesn't mean that I want to tell you you have a drug problem. Like, that's crazy. And that's the energy I met with at every party. Like, so what do you mean? You're, like, sober? So were you, like, sober sober? Like, you don't do drugs at all? Do you think it's weird that I do drugs? I'm like, I don't even know your name.

[B]

And if you're on the west side, it's either a finance bro or somebody that's moving their way up through a talent agency or like, a commercial director

[A]

who stumbled upon pharmaceutical ads and is rich as hell. And they're like, but I want to kill myself because I'm not getting to be creative. It's like, shut up, Tori. You're a guy named Tori wearing fucking linen pants, getting high on cocaine on a Wednesday on the west side. On the west side.

[B]

Anyways, I tried the coke, and it just wasn't for me. I also hated coke because my roommates in college would always do coke, and they would just. They're. The energy of those people just drives me nuts as a sober person.

[A]

So that's so interesting because I was watching Friends and Neighbors, and I watched those guys do coke, and I was like, so cool.

[B]

So you got through. Why are you so obsessed with Friends and Neighbors?

[A]

I like it.

[B]

What was I watching? Where Jon Hamm was talking recently, and I was like, whatever you're saying is really gay. Jon Hamm. I was really fascinated by it. Because he's like the deaf. Like, to me, he is a straight. Like, he is the definition of like, straight man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And whatever it was that he was saying was so gay. And I looked to Shane and I was like, that's really gay of him, right? I wish I could remember what he was talking about. This is gonna drive me nuts. Oh, no. Okay, so you're sober.

[A]

I've been sober for seven years.

[B]

Congratulations.

[A]

The greatest gift I get to give my children every day is my sobriety. Yeah, I. I don't think I could handle anything in life without it.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I really couldn't. Because I think about how I was managing life prior to sobriety, and it's like, I don't even think saying managing life is an appropriate term for what I was doing because I was really just suffering and waiting for life to end. And now I wake up every day like, super grateful, madly in love, and I'm still psychotic, which is fun. So it's like you get the best of both worlds, right?

[B]

You didn't lose what really makes you you.

[A]

No. In fact, I hate me less, even though I'm the most me I've ever been.

[B]

Wow. And is it ever even hard for you anymore? Seven years in?

[A]

Yeah. Watching that Friends and Neighbors scene where all those middle aged men are doing blow at a club and then getting on a golf course and fucking around. Spoiler alert. That looked really fun to me. This is the most compromised my sobriety has ever been. And it's the Jon Hamm on coke and the club meme.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That meme literally triggers the hell out of me. Because one thing about me, girl, is I love to papa Molly and French braid my own hair until the fucking sun rises and sets again. You know what I'm saying? If I could do Molly and snuggle with my dogs all day every day and not like, die or get bed sores or dreadlocks, like, fuck yeah, that's what I do.

[B]

Wow. Instead you just keep having kids, which

[A]

is a lot like French braiding my own hair from sun up till sundown. But it's different. It's equal. Equal joys.

[B]

Well, congratulations to you. And then she got cigarette sober, which was incredible. Which. Can you believe that's trendy again?

[A]

Smoking.

[B]

Yeah. Like, all the younger celebrities are, like, making. Trying to make it cool again. Cigarettes or vaping cigarettes.

[A]

You know, I feel like I'd rather see a generation smoking cigarettes than vaping.

[B]

Can't they just, like, have a beer?

[A]

Well, cigarettes don't count if you've had Beers. Does Spencer smoke when he's drunk?

[B]

He can't because of his heart condition.

[A]

What a loser. Smoking's so cool.

[B]

Smoke when you're stressed. I was gonna say drunk, but you're not drunk. What, you don't smoke when you're, like, stressed or, like.

[A]

No, but I've been hypnotized.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I don't think about it.

[B]

So if you're looking to stop smoking, look into Carrie Gaynor. I saw a few people asking recently, actually, which is why.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Carrie Gaynor is the hypnotist I saw. And he. I did three sessions with him. I left the third session, never had a withdrawal symptom and never had a cigarette again. It's been years and years, and that

[B]

is the best gift I've ever given you.

[A]

I would like to credit Brigitte with that. Oh, sorry. She produced the hell out of that. Wait, really? Yes. Dude, you think you went out of your way and found that?

[B]

I was probably.

[A]

You just said, okay.

[B]

I was probably acting as the leader, though, moving the puzzle pieces.

[A]

You were like, you know, it would be a good idea if I got my friend.

[B]

Well, I think it was because I couldn't take it anymore.

[A]

I was disgusted by you, which is something. So, Carrie, like, the interesting thing about the. The hypnosis is, like, you're not unconscious. But I was very scared that I was going to, like, because being a woman, you go to a strange man's house with the intention of him knocking you out. Like, that's. That's fucking scary.

[B]

Yeah. And if you're a hypnotist, it's strange. Yeah. Like, it's a strange profession to be like, I'm gonna hypnotize you and it's gonna work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know?

[A]

Well, I will say this. I was never unconscious, which made me feel a little bit better. I don't know that Gary understood that, though, because he was saying some things to me where it's like, you feel comfortable saying that to my face? That's really crazy.

[B]

Whatever. It worked.

[A]

Like, you're disgusting. You're disgusting like a pig. I was like, gary, I'm politely keeping my eyes shut right now, but I am here. Lizzie is in the room with you.

[B]

Wrong. Your car was disgusting.

[A]

So funny. And the kid I used to babysit, like, I was like, oh, yeah. I was smoking the whole time I was babysitting you. Like, I put you guys to bed and I'd go outside and smoke a cigarette. He's like, that explains why everything smelled like cigarettes. It was like, yeah, it would explain it. The cigarettes would explain it. I love him.

[B]

What's he doing now?

[A]

He's making movies and his.

[B]

Really? And he hasn't thought to put either of us in one?

[A]

No. Isn't that so rude?

[B]

Wait, what kind of movies is he.

[A]

No, he's making a short film. He just had a GoFundMe go up, and he and his friend, like, met their goal, and they're gonna start filming it, and it's pretty cute.

[B]

I'm right here.

[A]

Do you. I'll tell him. Do you want me to tell him you're right here?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, sure.

[A]

Are you gonna fly to the east side? The east side? What am I saying? East Coast?

[B]

No. Absolutely. Yeah.

[A]

It's in New York. No, no.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

We can't go to Manhattan. Jonah, we're fucking old. We have kids. Leave us alone. Jonah.

[B]

You know Jonah. No, thank you.

[A]

You know, Jonah. Eat. Eat. My shorts, Jonah.

[B]

That are riding up her asshole.

[A]

They're literally. It's like, literally.

[B]

Are you wearing the same ones?

[A]

No, they're a different pair. And it's even worse. It's even worse.

[B]

Why don't you create a product for that that would be a bestseller on Amazon and we'd be rich.

[A]

What's the product, though?

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

You'd have to, like, defy physics.

[B]

Can you create a pair of shorts that does that?

[A]

No, I don't have that problem.

[B]

I wear shorts and my ass is fine.

[A]

Okay. So if you're an engineer and you're, like, at Harvard or MIT or whatever, hit me up so that we can come up with a pair of shorts that doesn't feel like Mike Tyson is fucking knocking your gooch out.

[B]

And we'll blow this shit up on Amazon.

[A]

We'll blow this shit up instead of blowing our taints up. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

As shit.

[A]

Rich. Rich, rich, rich. I'll buy you a house.

[B]

You will?

[A]

Yeah. If I get rich off my tight shorts.

[B]

I thought I was in on this from the ground floor. No, I think you're gonna need me.

[A]

What are you gonna add?

[B]

The business.

[A]

The business.

[B]

I'm the business.

[A]

If there's anything Rylan knows, it's business.

[B]

Business.

[A]

And that he's not down to do it.

[B]

I'm really not down for anything. Huh? I'm like. I'm, like, a highly motivated person that,

[A]

like, everything's just a little bit too hard. I watch this motherf come undone over a squatty potty ad one time.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. In Colorado. You're like. It was crazy.

[B]

Wait, what Was I trying to buy one?

[A]

No, you were doing an ad read for squatty Potty, and you were, like, trying to pick out a free squatty potty.

[B]

Yeah. A decision is not my strong suit.

[A]

He was struggling to pick out a free squatty potty.

[B]

Yeah. I can't make decisions. And they always say highly successful people can just, like, make a decision and move on.

[A]

No. Anytime this motherfucker makes a decision, you're going to need a little while. Or you should just go. You should just go, and maybe he'll come with you.

[B]

Shane's highly decisive, and so that's why we mix. Mix well.

[A]

Yeah. I will say 100% of the time that you and I have executed on something is because Shane has told you to get out. Just do it.

[B]

God bless him for me.

[A]

No, God bless him for me.

[B]

I really found my pair in him and I benefit.

[A]

Benefit from it greatly.

[B]

Who makes the decisions in your house?

[A]

Me.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I also recently decided I'm not asking for anyone else's input in the house.

[B]

What? In what regard?

[A]

Everything. I'm done.

[B]

They're your minions now.

[A]

No, no, no. It's not even about being minions, but it's like, I'm not. I don't need your input on how to throw away your stuff. Trash is trash, and we're throwing it away.

[B]

Trash goes in the garbage.

[A]

Trash goes in the garbage and it gets taken to the curb, and we don't need to talk about it. It's just gonna be done.

[B]

He's never gonna notice it's gone.

[A]

He's literally not.

[B]

What is his strange attached attachment to trash? Have you tried to get to the bottom of it?

[A]

I don't. I mean, I tried a little bit. And what's interesting is. So last week's vlog, or, like, the vlog before or something, I. I was, like, talking about, like, oh, here's a ball. Like, Joe won't let me inflate this ball. And then he hears that on camera. On camera goes. You can. You can. Cameras stop rolling. Guess what? Ball's never been inflated. And then Joe behind camera is like, well, it's just not safe to inflate it. I'm like, what are you talking about? It's a basketball. It's a flat basketball. It needs to be inflated or it's trash.

[B]

It's not safe to inflate.

[A]

I don't know. And then he's like, I didn't say that.

[B]

He's a complex man.

[A]

He's super complicated, but I love him very much.

[B]

Well, he's so fun.

[A]

He's so fun.

[B]

He's a fun. He's a good times guy. And that's probably why Billy's a good times guy.

[A]

And Ernie.

[B]

Oh, he is.

[A]

Ernie's a really good times guy, so

[B]

he's really snapped out of it.

[A]

Everyone at Easter yesterday was like, this baby is so chill.

[B]

What's up with that? You guys were, like, dressed and looking hot at 8 p. 8am period. I didn't get out of my pajamas until 3.

[A]

I'm calling CPS.

[B]

We had a great morning.

[A]

No, you had a really cute morning.

[B]

Well, we had a great weekend. I, for the first time, took the boys to a hotel, and we, as Liz says, entered resort mode.

[A]

How sick is it?

[B]

It was very fun.

[A]

It's cute as hell, huh?

[B]

It was very. We did have a great time there. It was just like, a cute little place overlooked, like, on the beach. And so we had a blast. But then I have five animals, so I said, okay, it's eight. 8:15pm We've got to go home.

[A]

How did the kids take it?

[B]

Fine.

[A]

Oh, good.

[B]

Yeah. They were actually saying home, home, because I think they were ready for bed and they're like, well, where are we gonna sleep here? I was like, dude, should we all co sleep in this bed right now,

[A]

tonight, or were they down?

[B]

Are we going home?

[A]

I thought I was this close to a co sleep nap with Billy this weekend.

[B]

Really? Mm. Where you guys were just go like, no.

[A]

He's been struggling with transferring from the car to the crib, and he usually never, like, struggled with that, but the past two times he's fallen asleep in the car, and it was Saturday and Sunday. Transferring is just like a scream, Crying, huge problem.

[B]

And then he doesn't go back to bed.

[A]

I let. No. When I was in charge, he went back to bed, slept for an hour.

[B]

That's why you make the household decisions, period.

[A]

When Joe was in charge, Joe paraded him through the house, turned all the lights on and off, put him into the cage. Took him out of the cage. Yeah. Changed his diaper because he's like, well, he's saying he has poo. And I'm like, he doesn't have poo. He's playing you. And he didn't have poo. And then Joe brought him back out to me while he's like, billy's already won. And Joe's like, well, what do we do? Do I put it back?

[B]

It.

[A]

I'm like, no, you can't put it back in the cage. Now it's out. It's among us. So I was like, let's put on. In the spirit of Passover, let's put on the Prince of Egypt and cuddle. And also the Prince of Egyp. Was that not for kids?

[B]

I've never seen it.

[A]

I don't think that's four kids.

[B]

I watched an animated thing. I already told you this, but I watched an animated short about Easter 2 for our children to learn about it. And I was like, this isn't for kids. So graphic.

[A]

It's so dark. It start, like, well, Prince of Egypt starts with, like, a really gnarly song and then just proceeds to be more and more intense. Like, it's. Because that's like, one of the plagues. Like, I get it. They learned about the plagues. But I think that, like, Billy school probably put a nice little coat of shimmer on the death of the firstborn son thing.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. What did you learn all about Easter? Well, tell the class why do you want me to recite it?

[A]

Because I don't know.

[B]

You don't know anything about it?

[A]

No, but I've just been seeing these things on Tick Tock or. Or on Instagram reels where they're like moms that are, like, doing, like, a little electric shuffle to, like. Because the cave was empty. Because the cave was empty. Like, what is that?

[B]

His. His son down to earth.

[A]

Okay. We all know that. Continue.

[B]

Okay. To die for everyone's sins.

[A]

Oh, right.

[B]

And then he was made fun of. Everyone was like, oh, no, you're not actually God's son. You're not. And then they mocked him. Mocked him, Mocked him, killed him, hung him on the cross. Yeah. And then once he died is when they realized, oh, he is.

[A]

How do they know?

[B]

And. And, well, because when they.

[A]

He got a blue jacket, buried him.

[B]

Oh, my God. When they buried him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then put him in the cave and enclosed it with the rock. When they went to check later, he

[A]

had escaped because the cave was empty. Okay.

[B]

And that's where the dance that you're watching comes in. I can't believe they made it into a dance on TikTok.

[A]

Isn't that crazy?

[B]

They'll just make anything to a dance on TikTok.

[A]

Because the cave was empty. I wish I'd saved any of them. There's, like, little girls doing it too.

[B]

Gosh, these girls are out of control.

[A]

They're cute, though. Honestly, who cares if they're celebrating their religion? I think it's beautiful.

[B]

Oh, yeah, right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because the cave was empty.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm putting that Beat to it. That was just text on the screen. There's, like, a techno song that. They're doing it too, but the text on the screen is because the cave was empty.

[B]

All right, well, thank you, SeatGeek, for sponsoring today's podcast. SeatGeek does just so happen to be the number one rated ticketing app. They have over 35 million downloads and 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek. Everything from concerts to sporting events, music festivals, Broadway shows. What?

[A]

Don't ask me what. When I start laughing like that. I was gonna say something inappropriate. I didn't. You asked.

[B]

Okay, you could get tickets right now to Hillary Duff, Demi Lovato, Alex Warren.

[A]

I mean, Hillary Duff makes me so horny. If we don't go to that show, I'm gonna lose.

[B]

I think you've been saying that she's been making you horny for, like, four episodes in a row.

[A]

Yeah, well, read the room. Let's get the ticks. Sneaky.

[B]

You could probably run into her. She's always out and about in your area.

[A]

Are any of her children named River? Because after. Continue with the ad.

[B]

Okay, you can get tickets to Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande, Morgan Wallen, Zach Bryant, Olivia Dean. Literally, so many people are on tour. Bruno Mars. You're gonna want to get your tickets, and you're gonna want to secure them now because we have a special offer of 10 off for you, and that's when you use our code, the SIP10. SeatGeek's incredible because they rate every ticket on a scale of 1 to 10. Look for the green dots. Green means good, red means bad, and every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee. And once again, you can get 10 off your next set of tickets when you use our code, the SIP10. All right, thank you, CK Geek. Back to our show.

[A]

I'd like to make another formal apology on the podcast.

[B]

Oh, I'm sick of doing this. So whom?

[A]

Well, not to everyone, to be clear. Very. A very specific few. A very specific few.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

In recent podcast history, I have gone out onto a limb and proclaimed, anyone with a child named river or Ocean is a.

[B]

That's bad.

[A]

Is a bad person.

[B]

That's bad of you.

[A]

I'm gonna say I stand by that Jesus 89% of the time.

[B]

Okay, you met a river you like over the weekend.

[A]

I've been known a woman who I really enjoy, whose son's name is river, and he's really cool.

[B]

Did she reach out to you?

[A]

She didn't, but every time she messages me now, I'm like, I feel awkward.

[B]

Well, I mean the name. So it's like.

[A]

No, no, no, no. I don't hate the name. I hate the person who says things like, we named our daughter Bowie, you know, because we love David Bowie. Like, that's the person I don't like. Do you know what I mean? Like, we all love David Bowie. That's why he's an international superstar. I'm not. I've already called these people out, too. Like, I'm not. I'm just doubling down. The thing that I'm saying here is, like, not all rivers, you know, not all rivers, but most.

[B]

And what was the other one? River and ocean. Oh, so you just don't like water?

[A]

No.

[B]

You never have?

[A]

No, I've never liked water. I've never liked water. And honestly, one thing about me is, if it. If it's not a pool or a lake, I'm not in it.

[B]

That's so weird that you don't want to go to the ocean unless it's Hawaii.

[A]

The way that you swallow that smoothie is making me want to kill you. Kill you dead. And I'd be so sad because I'd miss you like crazy. But if you swallow like that one more time, I'm gonna have to do it for everyone.

[B]

How would you do it?

[A]

I'm not getting implicated in my own crimes publicly right now. That was entrapment. I object.

[B]

Okay. Am I gonna take my kids to Monster Jam this weekend or what? Oh, they're so obsessed with monster trucks. It's all they want.

[A]

You should take them.

[B]

And Monster Jam is coming this week.

[A]

Where?

[B]

The Sofi Stadium.

[A]

You're gonna take them to Sofi?

[C]

Well, I don't know.

[B]

They're obsessed with monster trucks. Am I, like, a bad parent if I don't let them live that out?

[A]

Can I come with you?

[B]

Will you?

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Are you gonna bring Bill?

[A]

No, I'm going for myself. I'm dying to go to a monster truck.

[B]

Well, does he like monster trucks?

[A]

Yeah, dude. He's a little boy.

[B]

Oh, okay. Jesus.

[A]

Okay, grow up.

[B]

Well, my kids used to be obsessed with tractors, but, like, tractors, Nobody cares about them in my house anymore.

[A]

No, they're losers.

[B]

We're only into monster trucks now.

[A]

Can I have all your old tractor stuff, please? Can we get good seats on Facebook? I'm gonna say something, so don't you dare.

[B]

Actually, let me check if they're on seatgeek right now.

[A]

Well, I'm gonna say something really nasty about who? No, I'll keep it to myself.

[B]

No, say it. No.

[C]

No.

[A]

No, no, no. It's judgy and rude.

[B]

About me?

[A]

No.

[B]

About who?

[A]

Other.

[B]

Okay. They don't.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Monster.

[A]

Monster.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. It is on Sea Geek.

[A]

Get the tickets. Get them for my family, too.

[B]

Oh, my God. They're actually reasonably priced, too.

[A]

Get good seats.

[B]

I'm with our code, the SIP 10.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Our little kids. Do they need tickets or are they free?

[A]

Our kid? I don't know.

[B]

So how many do I need? Six.

[A]

How many is one?

[B]

Two? We should probably just off the podcast.

[A]

Max, Shane, Rylan, Lizzie, Joe, Billy. Ernie doesn't need a ticket. Seven.

[B]

Okay. Oh, my gosh. Right up front. How much would this be?

[A]

We have to get headphones for our kids because they need.

[B]

But how much is seven tickets? Shane already ordered the headphones for two kids.

[A]

I mean, I can order headphones.

[B]

I'm just saying I have mine. I'm not, but I feel like I'm gonna have to. That's one of those things where I'm gonna have to, like, prep them on getting used to the headphones this week.

[A]

They'll want them when we get there. I'm sure you think so, because it'll be so loud.

[B]

Let me see. How much is this gonna be?

[A]

How much is it?

[B]

Well, for seven tickets.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A thousand dollars. And then you use code the sub 10 for 10 off, and then divide

[A]

it by 7 and then add that.

[B]

Okay. This really shouldn't be a podcast.

[A]

No, this is definitely a podcast conversation. This is riveting stuff. This is the news in black and

[B]

blue, and it starts at 5pm that's reasonable.

[A]

Hella reasonable.

[B]

Yeah, because then we can be out of there by seven.

[A]

But it's. It's Sofi. Do you know how hard it is

[B]

to get the Sofi?

[A]

Sofi.

[B]

I hate Sofi. It's in the middle of nothing.

[A]

What day is it on?

[B]

Saturday. We'll solidify this after. Okay. Come on, focus. You saw the Lamar Odom dock?

[A]

I did see the Lamar Odom dock.

[B]

It's new. Join us.

[A]

Billy just had went over to the refrigerator in our house and started banging on the refrigerator going, me milk, milk, milk, milk. And Joe was like, he's never been desperate for milk like this. He needed it to feed his baby doll. How sweet is that? God, I love this kid. Joe is really not good at sunscreen.

[B]

Joe's the nanny today?

[A]

No, the nanny's with the baby.

[B]

And so Joe's the nanny today for Billy.

[A]

Well, Joe's the father of his children.

[B]

That's not what you said last Week.

[A]

Joe's the Nanny today. Okay. I saw the Lamar Odom documentary.

[B]

Is this something that's new?

[A]

I think so. Oh, it's one of the sports installations on, like, the Untold Sports Stories, like the Untold series on Netflix. They just do sort of like, quick but classy documentaries on sports.

[B]

Right, sports.

[A]

And it's called the Death, the Deaths and Life of a Little Omar Odom.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because apparently that died a couple times.

[B]

Really?

[A]

And he said he was dead for three days at one point, so. Lamar Odom is a classic addict, which I find very relatable. A lot of the things that he said about addiction, I was like, yeah, I get that. Because the scary thing for me is. And I'm sure I've talked about it here before, but it's like when you're. For me, when I was using, when I was drinking, I would just think to myself, and I would say out loud, like, if I stayed drunk, this isn't a problem. And the first step of me getting sober was admitting that it was a problem and listing all the ways that my life had become unmanageable because of alcohol. And what's so funny is my first alcoholic thought was, yeah, but none of that matters if I'm drunk, which is crazy.

[B]

Stay drunk. No problem.

[A]

No problem. No problem. Someone's like, yeah, but you. Like, you live under a freeway overpass. I'm like, yeah, but I'm drunk. No problem. Yeah, but you have nothing, and everybody you know and love is hurting for you. Yeah, but I'm drunk, so no problem. I don't care. And it's. And that is a literal, rational thought of my active alcoholic brain, which is crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's. It also explains why, you know, an addict using or drinking has nothing to do with anybody else. It's because their brain is hardwired to think, no problem.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And we're numbing out. So just hearing Lamar Odom share about that stuff to me in conjunction with my sober anniversary, it was, you know, kind of great because, you know, like, watching Friends and Neighbors, like, that's an idealized world in which men with a lot of money and power using cocaine and being silly, goofy guys.

[B]

Right?

[A]

But they don't lose their mansions, they don't lose their jobs, they don't lose their families. Families for those reasons. They lose them for other reasons. But in that world, drugs are all fun.

[B]

You're really making me have to go back to the show.

[A]

I'm really enjoying it.

[B]

Why did I fall off? I got four episodes in, and I fell off.

[A]

Maybe you need to be postpartum simple brained right now to enjoy it.

[B]

You've brought it up to me like 17 times.

[A]

I was really looking forward to texting you to talk about it too.

[B]

I'm gonna jump back in.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I've been looking for something to watch.

[A]

Yeah, jump in girl, because we're a whole new season.

[B]

Sorry I derailed you.

[A]

No, you didn't derail me. I brought it up. But yeah. So the law and then Chloe's in the show and just like the revelations of everything that they're saying, like Chloe's like I was going to fleabag motels because hookers were calling my mother Kris Jenner and saying Lamar has done too much crack and I, I need help getting him out of this hotel right now. So Kris Jenner was like going to shitty motels and dragging Lamar's cracked out ass out out and keeping it secret with Chloe. And chloe was only 24.

[B]

How old was he?

[A]

Probably young too.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. And it's he doing well today?

[A]

I don't know. He seemed sober. He seemed sober. He seemed okay. I don't know what he's actually up to but like watching it all back, it's just like, it's so sad. It's so sad how alcoholism and addiction really is, is a wildfire.

[B]

And for, I mean, because it's not

[A]

just affecting the addict, it affects everybody and everything in the addict's orbit. Everything. Devastating.

[B]

Devastating.

[A]

Yep. So if you're out there and you're thinking, I'm using, I'm drunk, it's not a problem. The good news is if you start to see it as a problem, you can have a life that is so free and liberated, the enjoy filled. And you will never feel, you won't feel bad about yourself because you're behaving in a way that gives you self esteem. So if you think you'll never be able to shake the shame of your past, that's a lie. And that's a lie that the substance is telling you to keep you down and out. And any thought you have that is pro using is just that dark fucking monster that feeds off of your misery. But the reality is the sober part of your brain becomes so alive and so beautiful and it doesn't cost anything. The dark side costs something. It costs your entire life and all of your money and everything you know and love. And the sober part is free. Just letting you know. And it comes with gifts. It's like a gifting suite of life, period. That's why? Because, like, at the beginning, you're like, oh, it's so much work. It's like, oh, my God. When I look back on how I thought it was so much work, I'm like.

[B]

Like, to stay sober, it was work

[A]

put into yourself to be happy. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, it's not even the same work as cooking. Like, cooking is work to feed yourself.

[B]

I guess the work would be like facing some of what you initially started masking to use.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, like, emotionally, I guess.

[A]

Yes. But when you think about it, the work is of and for yourself, Right? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Be selfish.

[A]

Yeah. You're not doing it for another boss. You know what I mean? Like, it's for you. Like, it's all in your best interest.

[B]

And once you get to the root of why you're trying to mask whatever it is you're masking your life and you feel great.

[A]

And the shocking thing is sometimes it's like you're not even masking anything. It just is what it is.

[B]

I also think even if you're not using, if you're going down a trajectory that's making you sad, Pivot, period. Life's too short. Well, that's why chasing, like, whatever's calling you.

[A]

Yeah, but the problem is, when you're in the house that's on addiction fire, you don't think that way. You just think. Right. But, like, I'm not going to worry about those lost dreams. I'm not going to worry about my dead ambition because I get to use. It's crazy. It really is crazy. And that's why I also like not to be too weird, but I think about it like a demon. It's a demon that's, like, feeds on my misery.

[B]

And it really is so unfair because I don't like. I'm saying it's unfair because I, like, I dabbled in drinking. I don't have, like, that addiction gene for alcohol, so it feels unfair to me.

[A]

I would agree.

[B]

Watching you, like, you know, it just. It is like, why?

[A]

Because I love drinking. One of the first things I did when I got sober is I called my friends. I was like, you don't even appreciate drinking. You don't even love it. Like, I love it. Why do you get to do it, you loser? Honestly, those calls happened.

[B]

Yeah. When I first met you, I was

[A]

just like, I loved drinking.

[B]

You loved drinking. She'd come over, she'd down, like, two bottles of wine.

[A]

What? No, I could only afford one bottle.

[B]

And I'd be like, oh, she's just a lot of fun. We're just young and she's a lot of fun. She's a lot of fun.

[A]

I would like the. The epitome of my alcoholism was we were in a movie. We were in a movie theater, sitting in a seat to see Jurassic park or something, like in 3D. We're in the seat and I was like, we really should go get some alcohol. There was no alcohol in the theater. So we left the theater, went to a Trader Joe's. Bottle. Bottle of wine, drink it back on the way to the theater, and then watch the movie. What is that?

[B]

Crazy, crazy, crazy. What are we gonna do? Go into Hot Topics?

[A]

Well, I have five that I came up with at 1:00 clock in the morning while I was nursing my child.

[B]

Okay, I have bad news for you.

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, I can't take you guys to

[A]

nobody because you're going tomorrow with someone else.

[B]

I have a meeting.

[A]

What's the meeting and who's it with? Who's the meeting with? Who's the meeting with?

[B]

Can you believe.

[A]

No, I believe it.

[B]

Well, I'm like a pity invite. Because I'm a pity invite.

[A]

Well, who's the meeting with?

[B]

Patreon. Can you believe it?

[A]

Who? I hate.

[B]

They have some platform issues, which is something I hope we can get to tomorrow. No, at noo. I don't eat sushi, but I. I have a problem with your platform.

[A]

No, two issues. I want a billboard. Patreon, you ass.

[B]

Well, I. Okay, yeah, period.

[A]

You got a billboard.

[B]

No, I didn't. I'm just saying, like, bring it up. I'm a pity invite tomorrow, so I doubt that I'm going to be like a billboard. Conversation.

[A]

Whatever. Okay, it could come up. Should I come? Oh, why not? No, I'm like. So this is great and everything, but how do I log into my account? No, like, for real, like, how do I log into my account?

[B]

I could get into your account today.

[A]

Okay, I should try.

[B]

Probably the technological.

[A]

I would not guess that if everything. That could be the problem there. It's probably not me.

[B]

No, could never be.

[C]

It's.

[A]

Honestly, it's probably Lamar Odom. Well, have fun with Patreon. No. Boo.

[B]

I'm just saying.

[A]

I know. You said it.

[B]

I've lived in LA for like a million and a half years, never been to Nobu, and now that I've been trying to go to Nobu on the podcast and we haven't made it.

[A]

You're a pity envoy. You don't have a meeting. Stop saying you have a Meeting.

[B]

I'm on the invite. I'm on the Google invite.

[A]

No, you do have a meeting.

[B]

My name is on.

[A]

I mean, is it about you? But keep talking into the mic. For a man who tells everyone to talk into a mic and is always like, how's this better? Cuz you've been going like this. And at first I thought it was a creativity choice, and now I'm realizing you're just drunk with power.

[B]

I get one, so I get. You get one. Pity invite to Nobu from.

[A]

Why is it a pity invite?

[B]

Because it was Shane's meeting. And then Shane's like, my husband should come. Right? And they're like, your husband should come.

[A]

Why? Why is that? That doesn't sound like pity.

[B]

Well, I wouldn't have been invited had Shane not had a meeting with Adrian. I got.

[A]

You really should bring up the billboard.

[B]

I tell you. Actually, we got invited to like a group Patreon dinner, but it's on the east side. You and I.

[A]

What? Let's go. We gotta start brushing elbows like top

[B]

podcaster Patreons.

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

Can you imagine the people that are gonna be there?

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

Can you imagine the people?

[A]

Don't talk. Cut this all out. We're so excited to see the people that are gonna be there.

[B]

There's. You can go. Without you, there's no chance in hell that I'm going and mingling with anyone that creates anything on the Internet.

[A]

What if you're not going? Will you watch my kids for me?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

If you drop them off at my

[A]

house and then go to the east side, should Chris and I go?

[B]

Yeah, you guys could.

[A]

Can you make Spencer go?

[C]

Make

[A]

Spencer? He's already on the east side.

[B]

Ask. I'm sure he would go with you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

If you wanted to go, he'd probably join you over there.

[A]

Chris probably knows all these people.

[B]

He might work with them.

[A]

Chris is like, I film all those podcasts.

[B]

If you have to take, you can.

[C]

Chris, I'm so sorry.

[B]

Who is it?

[A]

Is your kids daycare?

[B]

Oh, you can take it. Yeah, go take it.

[A]

Chris is on the phone with law enforcement.

[B]

Get him. Get him. Okay.

[A]

When's the meat? When's the party? I'm not going. I couldn't possibly. If it's after bedtime. Are you high?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

They need to have mommy friendly need events.

[B]

Should I tell them we'll come to your mom event?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Let's get into your hot Topics then.

[A]

Well, on. In the same vein of on other successful Creators.

[B]

Oh, no, I don't think we should.

[A]

Why On.

[B]

I'm so happy for everyone that's getting opportunities, period.

[A]

Oh, you know what? No, truly.

[B]

More doors for opportunities for other creators like us.

[A]

But we're not going to your parties.

[B]

Something about me is, I will not be going to your party.

[A]

Even if he liked you, he wouldn't

[B]

go to your party. No.

[A]

Okay. So Alex Cooper. Okay, you might have heard of her.

[B]

I might have.

[A]

She's a small podcaster.

[B]

Tiny.

[A]

She has a fledging network that she's running herself a tiny little brand deal with Target. Is that what it's called? Is that how it's pronounced?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Target. Is she a media tycoon?

[B]

She's becoming. Yeah.

[A]

Good for her.

[B]

I mean, she really. She has a production company now, and she's producing a lot of things. Like, they produced the Hannah Montana special, which is why she's the one that was the interviewer. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so, yeah, she's getting. And good for all these people. Honestly, like, yes, she's getting a lot of opportunities and she's making them. She's making them. So good for her. She turned a podcast into an empire, and I can't.

[A]

If we went to that party, I'm sure we could do the same.

[B]

I don't even think she has to have a Patreon. I think she's so rich beyond belief that, like, she's like, what's Patreon?

[A]

She doesn't even know that she subscribes to a few.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So, like, must be nice up there.

[A]

It must be nice.

[B]

What I thought was hilarious out of that is at the premiere, when Miley Cyrus called her out being like, alex Cooper's kind of creepy. She got a little bit of money and bought the house next door to me. And she's like, what? I didn't know. And she's. And Hannah. Hannah Montana. Miley Cyrus was like, yeah, you came to my house to interview me for Call her Daddy. You knew exactly where I lived, and you bought the house next door knowing that I lived there. And you're obviously obsessed with me. You went out of your way to produce this special.

[A]

That's really good.

[B]

So that part's hilarious.

[A]

That's really funny. I mean, Miley Cyrus doesn't get enough flowers. Flowers. She gets her own flowers. And good for her.

[B]

She really does get her.

[A]

We should all be giving Miley flowers.

[B]

She's going to the store and grabbing her own flowers.

[A]

She's jiving to the store.

[B]

She stays on top of it. Like, yeah, she's on top of opportunities for herself. She's on top of her fitness. She's on top of it. Like, that girl is ready to go. Like you call her, and she's like, I've been ready, period. I'm ready.

[A]

She's like, I manifested it.

[B]

Yeah. Did you see how she got that special. Special.

[A]

She manifested it.

[B]

You saw that, though?

[A]

Yeah, of course I saw that.

[B]

She was like, Dolly taught me that you. When you want something, you just speak about it like it's happening. So that's what I did about this reunion. I just started going on red carpets talking about this reunion being a thing when it wasn't, and here it is.

[A]

Here it is. That's just like my docu series.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Period.

[B]

Lizzie's gonna start a docu series about the hottest hometown gossip you've ever seen. And I do think it could turn into something a lot Mormon wife's. Even though I haven't seen that. It's like real people, real drama.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Here you go.

[A]

Get a seat.

[B]

Get a seat.

[A]

Sit down.

[B]

Buy a ticket.

[A]

Buy a ticket.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Wow. I'm so excited to start production on my docu series.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Butterflies of excitement in my guts right now.

[B]

Seriously, for real. You've got to get all the people involved.

[A]

I know it to be, and I will.

[B]

Okay, so what's the story here?

[A]

Alex Cooper is doing an interesting reality challenge show.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

She's launching a four episode YouTube reality competition show titled Unwell Winter Games. It's live now.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The show features 16 polarizing. This is what I thought was interesting.

[B]

Where. Where was my invite?

[A]

You're not polarizing. People don't hate you enough for this. Oh, polarizing. Reality stars and influencers competing in mental and physical challenges at. At a Park City, Utah chalet.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The lineup includes. And this is where they lose you controversial personalities like Anna Delvey.

[B]

No, I'm interested in that. I loved.

[A]

No, you're not like Anna. Right, but you're not me.

[B]

Yes. Not me in the competition, but me as a viewer. I'm. I'm gonna watch Anna Delvey Dakota from

[A]

Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.

[B]

Who was.

[A]

It's a guy. Oh, he is the. He's the husband.

[B]

It's a girl name, right?

[A]

He's the husband. Oh, no. He's the baby daddy of Taylor Frankie Paul, who she beat up and threw a chair at. He was just edited out of something called like Vanderpump Villa or something because they're removing these people from stuff because the public is not interested in seeing them. Right.

[B]

Now, I thought that there was the most demand ever for the them to see the Bachelor.

[A]

I know. Can you believe? Do you think they'll release that? I hope they do.

[B]

Well, I'm just saying, I think there is curio. I don't. I don't think it's people that are, like, wanting to. I think people want to hate. Watch whatever they're in. Be out of curiosity.

[A]

No, this is. I've said it before, and I will say it again. Reality TV is the gladiator games of the 21st century.

[C]

Right.

[A]

And it's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyways. Oh, wow. Demi Emerson's on it, too. Demi made a fool of herself.

[B]

And if you need me for the Real House Husbands of Calabasas, I'm right here. Okay.

[A]

Which is really why.

[B]

Okay, cool.

[A]

I put this story in here.

[B]

So the Malcolm in the Middle reboot.

[A]

The Malcolm and the reboot. The Milkman. The reboot. Hold on. I have to pick this wedgie. Like, my cooter is on fire. And it's not a rash, just for clarity. It's an impact injury. Hold on. I'm. I'm digging him out. It's like they're so tight on my vagine that my vagine starts burning. And it's not burning like a chemical burn. It's burning like it's hot. Like you. When you break one of those, like, heating heat things, that heats your hands. Like, that's what it feels like. It's happening. My cooter.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's getting, like. And then heat released.

[B]

Do you have, like, a yeast infection?

[A]

No, I told you, it's not like that. It's dry. It's an impact injury. God, nobody cares about my impact.

[B]

I think the Malcolm in the Middle reboot starts this week.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm excited.

[A]

Well, there's a huge. Another thing that's tied to us in this situation, and it's proof that the universe is on our side, I think.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't know why. It is what it is. Okay, so the. Remember the little brother from Malcolm in the Middle? He's not returning.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Here, you can have that. He's not returning because he is now, like, some deeply intellectual scholar. And where is he? Oh, I didn't write it down. That's devastating. The only thing I wanted to share is an ear.

[B]

So what's the story?

[A]

He's studying Emily Dickinson.

[B]

He turned down a huge paycheck to study Emily Dickinson.

[A]

They offered him buckets of money to come back, and he just said, no, thank you.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. He's all done.

[B]

No, couldn't be me. I'd be like, you're not going to pay me? I'll be there. Yeah, I'll make it work.

[A]

I'll pay you.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. So he said no because he's studying Emily Dickinson literature at some fancy college.

[B]

To do what? Act.

[A]

I don't know. Someone should let him know that she's like, you know what I mean? Like, she's not going to help him out career wise.

[C]

Guys.

[A]

Okay, here's a topic that I never really dived into and we didn't talk

[B]

about on our show, fiercely following this story.

[A]

Maybe you can fill me in. So Savannah Guthrie lost her mother.

[B]

Well, we. She. We still don't know.

[A]

Someone took her. She didn't go missing, right?

[B]

Somebody took her. Yes. In the middle of the night.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

It was terrifying and so jarring because she's an elder woman, relies on medication to survive. And yeah, there was blood at the front doorstep. She was missing. Her cell phone was left behind. And they were doing an intense search day in and day out, and there are no clues. There's nothing. There were multiple ransom notes throughout all of this. None were ever verified to be true. They were entertaining a couple of them offered money for any verification that it was real proof of life. Savannah has been relentlessly begging for somebody to do the right thing and return her in whatever state that she may be. She wants the closure, and she has not gotten it. And it is heartbreaking and heart wrenching, terrifying. She recently went on the Today show and did like a two part interview and has plans to come back to the Today show at some point. Oh, she came back.

[A]

She's back. That's why it's on here. She's back.

[B]

Oh, like Monday morning, she's back.

[A]

Yeah. But she said something really powerful about it. I didn't know any of this.

[B]

It's. I was. I couldn't take my eyes off of the coverage for a long time because there were like. For a while, it felt like they were getting closer and closer and closer and finding clues and clues and the, like, camera company got like the image of the man, like, masked, of course. And that still, like, I don't know, I was like, hoping with them for so hard for so long, and then at some point I had to, like, dip out of the coverage because it became so disheartening. And it's just like, what. What's their intention? Like, was it money? Because they money was offered. Was it to publicly harass a public figure that is on national Like, I don't know. I. I just don't know. And so I think her coming back is saying, like, well, I'm not gonna hide from you.

[A]

This is what she can. I tell you what she said. Yeah, my joy will be my protest. My joy will be my answer. And being there is joyful. I mean, there's a whole reason why I didn't dive into it when it was going on. And it's because that's so and so sad.

[B]

It really is just horrific. I don't know. Some people were trying to link it to the files, I guess. Her husband does like crisis PR in Washington and years and years ago she interviewed a bunch of victims that ultimately didn't end up airing, I think for whatever reason. Yeah, for whatever reason. But it truly is just so, so sad. And through all of it, like they were questioning her siblings. Yeah, the public was violently harassing her siblings. They were standing outside of their homes and like in mass groups. They had to like go into hiding. It's just like, like so up on so many levels.

[A]

Should we end on a better note? Yeah, well, we can't cuz my next story is really sad also. Sorry, do you want. We'll. First I'll. I'll give you what I learned. That's sad. Five gray, five gray whales have been found dead in the Bay Area.

[B]

I did see that.

[A]

That's crazy. Apparently, like 21 gray whales die per season. But I'm like, what's the season? What's the season?

[B]

And is it just of old age?

[A]

No. They think that they're getting hit by boats. Yeah. Why are you laughing?

[B]

It's just so crazy.

[C]

What?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Well, do you want the good news now?

[B]

Yes, I want the good news.

[A]

I stumbled upon this information because apparently they've also spotted a narwhal in the Bay Area.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

The narwhal is the unicorn of the sea. And with that, we will see you in the car while we go get food.

[B]

I need that for my ass. Elizabeth, picture this. It's midweek, you're tired and you're hungry and all you want is a great, delicious home cooked meal.

[A]

Is hellofresh at the door? Please tell me it is.

[B]

Hellofresh is at the door. Thank you. And I just want to say, like, I'm either making the same old tired meals or I'm spending a fortune on ordering out. And sometimes I want to have an adventure in the kitchen. And hellofresh actually helps me learn something new in the kitchen while providing everything it Is I need to have a delicious home cooked meal.

[A]

I was making my hellofresh order recently

[B]

and what was it?

[A]

Well, I was just gonna tell you I would never. I would never venture out like this were it not for hellofresh lamb chops. Oh, I got to place the order and select it, but I was just like, am I a lamb chop woman?

[B]

See? And that's on adventuring and that's on executing something safely outside of your parameters.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

With hellofresh.

[A]

Yeah. Because I couldn't do it alone.

[B]

Incredible. With hellofresh, savoring new flavors from around the world isn't just delicious, it's simple. Hellofresh truly makes cooking effortless. So you can always look forward to a homemade meal with hello Fresh. No two meals will be the same and you get to choose from 80 plus global recipes every month, including Vietnamese, Moroccan, Caribbean, and so much more. Cravings shouldn't just wait for takeout. You can get international ingredients sent straight to you. So dinner is always the destination. We're both doing it and so should you. It's. Oh, my gosh. Incredible, easy, delicious arrives right to you, which I can't highlight enough.

[A]

And everybody loves it.

[B]

Everybody loves it. It's like, why would I want to first figure out what it is I'm going to eat, Make a list, go to the store, go up and down the aisles, then go home. It's just like, no.

[A]

And they give pictures.

[B]

Hellofresh, it's all you babes. So hellofresh is of course offering something special for you guys. You can go to hellofresh.com the SIP10FM now to get 10 free meals plus a free NutriBullet Ultra plus two in one compact kitchen system. 189.$99 value. You on your third box.

[A]

That's legit.

[B]

That's super legit. Oh, my gosh. A neutral bullet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Fancy free meals applied as a discount on your first box. New subscribers only. Varies by plan. Disclaimer must order your third box by May 31, 2026. That's HelloFresh.com the SIP10FM. Now to get 10 free meals plus that free neutral bullet on your third box.

[A]

Stop.

[B]

Oh, I could kill her. Get out the of the car. You can walk home. You can walk home. Okay. Welcome to Raising Canes, everyone. Oh.

[C]

Two, take one. Mark, come north.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Second stick.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Hey, everybody. Welcome to Raising, everybody.

[A]

And welcome back. And we're at Raising canes today.

[B]

We're at Raising canes today.

[A]

We're raising Kane.

[B]

Today. We are raising today Because Kane was

[A]

abandoned, he will be raised by us.

[C]

And this one is a drive through.

[A]

And this one's a drive through.

[B]

I was trying to see if it was quiet on the. The patio, like, should we eat outside? But it's 82 degrees 3. What is this man doing?

[A]

This man is walking right.

[B]

This man is seeking.

[A]

Hey, sir, sir, can you stop. Can you get the. Out of our way?

[B]

We're in a drive through another.

[A]

Sir, we're trying. Why are these men walking into your car? Do they have a 13 3s in.

[B]

Tell me when you're done.

[A]

This guy's trapped.

[B]

When you're done. He's trapped.

[A]

We've trapped this.

[B]

Okay, well, does he not know we're filming the superficial podcast?

[A]

I mean, we're literally in a drive through. Lame.

[B]

And I don't know what that red car was doing either. Okay, so we're trying secret menu items at Raising Canes, which, like, their menu is like just their menu. Yeah, so I think we're just getting like. Hello, could I get just your menu? Sorry, Could I get three number three or the three finger combo?

[A]

Combos.

[B]

Yeah, three three finger combos.

[A]

Well, I'd like some co. All right. And for the drinks, what would you like?

[B]

What would you like to drink?

[A]

Water, please.

[B]

Chris, what would you like? Water as well. Could I get three waters, please?

[A]

Yeah, of course. Anything else for you today?

[B]

Actually, could I change one of those to a tea and lemonade?

[A]

Oh, Sher.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. Anything else for you today?

[B]

Could I get a side of coast Log Coast. And that should be it. Chris, do you need anything else? Ryan?

[A]

All right, so I have three three finger combos, two with waters, one with the AR Palmer, one side of cold spa. It's going to be 37.89 at the second window.

[B]

Perfect. Thank you.

[A]

You know what's crazy?

[B]

You and Spencer have like an un. An affordability off meter. I was thinking that's very expensive.

[A]

$37 for three of us to eat. That's like 10, $37 a person.

[B]

$37? No, that's like way more than that.

[A]

Well, guess who's not great at math.

[B]

I mean, I'm sure it's a lot of food.

[C]

37 after tax.

[A]

What are you gonna do, kill me? You're gonna kill me.

[B]

I left my wallet at the. I have Apple pay, but it's not linked to my business card.

[A]

Chris.

[B]

No, I'm just gonna pay with my credit card.

[A]

Chris, can you buy us lunch?

[B]

Grass.

[A]

Grass.

[B]

Wow. Look how beautiful this building is, though.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Like the Paint is fresh. It hasn't even dried yet.

[A]

I didn't.

[B]

Brand new, baby. So what has been everybody's favorite part about today?

[A]

I really enjoyed our conversation about Jesus.

[B]

Okay, well, that was off camera. That was something they didn't get with us. Oh, if you guys want to be depressing. Chris. Chris got.

[A]

It's a sad story. I thought that's where you were going to be completely honest.

[B]

What are you doing holding that in Chris's presence? Show him. What was it?

[A]

I don't want to show you. I'm not trying to commit a hate crime right now.

[B]

You think that's a hate crime to Chris?

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Well, now I gotta know.

[B]

Well, the one minute that Chris wasn't with me, I finally made it to Chick Fil A because, you know. Oh, no, that's fine. My message to all of you, don't try Chick Fil A special deal. Like their specialties, they had like a special, like, bacon, jalapeno, like spicy, whatever. Shit.

[A]

Sounds like it's right up your alley.

[B]

I know, but I was like, I would just prefer the original spicy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Simple, classic, delicious. Like my go broke.

[A]

Please stop trying to fix it.

[B]

And that's like, I understand. They're like, trying to create. Am I supposed to pay here? Guess not.

[A]

Who could ever really say, not me, not me. But I do want to point out really quickly, Rylan, okay, that's some of the best ordering you've ever done. You walked in confident you knew what you wanted, you said it with, you know, words, and then you pulled away and it was like everybody felt comfortable. You provided a sense of ease.

[B]

And the thing is, it's hard to do something different than that here because it's like there's nothing on the menu.

[C]

Ryan.

[B]

Yes. Appreciate you guys waiting. It's going to come out to 37.89. Oh, I have to pay for this.

[A]

I forgot. Oh, Chris, sweet.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

My hun was out here using work.

[B]

Wow. This one's mine. You guys are lame and just got work water. You're going to regret that. I don't think I can have anything else, thank you.

[A]

You can't have sugar.

[C]

Oh, I can't have anything with caffeine or carbonated.

[A]

They're lemonade's not.

[C]

Oh, yeah, anything with citric acid.

[B]

Why don't you drink energy drinks?

[C]

I'm not supposed to.

[B]

I do, literally.

[C]

Because sometimes I. I physically can't stay awake cuz I've got no sleep. So. For work I will, but I really should.

[B]

Only when you're dying. What? Okay, I do feel a little gaslit by raising canes. I'm not gonna lie. Their menu says like our iced tea lemonade fresh every day. And I said, can I get an iced tea lemonade? And they said one Arnold Palmer. And I was like, I only didn't say Arnold Palmer because your menu said I see lemonade.

[A]

Well, that is what an Arnold is.

[B]

I know, but maybe they can't prove.

[A]

I don't understand.

[B]

You aren't listening. When you re watch this, you'll hear what I said.

[A]

I know, but that is what.

[B]

It's very sweet.

[A]

That is what that is about. It's.

[B]

It is. Yeah, I know. I would have ordered an Arnold Palmer, but their menu said icy lemonade. So I went with. I went with their verbiage and then when I went with their verbiage, the person the drive thru said an Arnold Palmer. I was like, oh, me. And they asked.

[A]

I have the same issue with Starbucks. Cuz sometimes they'll be like, oh, you want that kids temperature. Cuz I'm like, I want it warm, not hot. They're like, oh, kids temperature. I go, okay, yeah, kids temperature. And then I go back and I say, can I have a kid's temperature? And they go, what does that mean? What does that mean?

[B]

Thank you so much for waiting. Thank you. Have a good one. Wow, gorgeous. Let me just make sure that this is on.

[A]

Here's my side of Koslaw.

[B]

Are you going to share that with us?

[A]

No.

[B]

Is that not a parking spot?

[A]

It's a very small side, really where

[B]

I wanted to park.

[C]

I will say there is a thing that happens nowadays when I'm in a car and I see a car coming towards me where everything panics in me for five seconds.

[A]

He has ptsd and that is expensive.

[B]

This. Oh, I guess I can just back straight into this spot that never used

[C]

to be a thing.

[A]

It's probably extra scary to be in a car with Ryland behind the wheel. Well, we only got one thing of sauce and it's like a half thing.

[B]

We should each have a sauce inside of our sauce. I would assume inside of ourselves. I mean inside of our box.

[A]

I know, but like, don't we need more than a thing?

[B]

Okay, well, nobody enjoy yourself because there's something we have to do.

[A]

What do we have to do?

[B]

Well, the secret menu of it all is that you're combining it all into

[A]

poop that you drop off at the toilet later.

[B]

No, we're making. Lizzy's face is taking the air fryer.

[A]

You didn't get any cold slot for everyone.

[B]

Oh, you're going to have to share your cop.

[C]

I thought.

[B]

What?

[A]

You guys. You all know I hate sharing.

[B]

There's not two pieces of bread either.

[A]

No, you.

[C]

If you want to die, you blew

[A]

it and we were all lauding you.

[C]

There's a meal that comes with coleslaw.

[A]

There literally is. And two pieces of bread.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow. Right? We thought you did so good. So sorry. It's okay. We need more sauce anyways.

[C]

Yeah,

[B]

okay. Once we have the food, we'll pick back up. Okay, girls, we're back. But my parking spot's now gone. Oh, should I cry?

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, what are they gonna do?

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

2 take 2 common mark.

[B]

Where are these people going?

[A]

They're telling you to come, but. I know, but understand we have an agenda.

[B]

Yeah, I'm trying.

[A]

We're looking for light. Thank you for the. What's it called?

[B]

Freaking people. I'm looking for light.

[A]

Wow. That's a real ass painter.

[B]

Oh, God. Oh, God. Everyone's ruining my life. There's a Dick five Sporting goods. A Dick Five Dicks Big. Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Wait, what kind of Freudian slip was that?

[B]

Wait, wait, wait. Was that not a.

[A]

There's never been a Dick Five. There's been a Dicks and a Big Five.

[B]

Okay, I put them together, but Dick's was. What did I call it?

[A]

Dick 5. God bless you.

[B]

Honestly, that sounds like a better story. They should just combine forces and move it on.

[A]

And it's all Dicks but only five.

[B]

Okay, let me move this for Chris's camera. Well, I had to go back for Koslan bread, so.

[A]

And sauce. Coleslaw and bread.

[B]

Oh, they only have forks, I guess.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thank you. So how are you girls feeling?

[A]

I'm feeling really optimistic. I've eaten about a fourth of the fries.

[B]

How are they?

[A]

Delicious.

[B]

Delicious.

[A]

No.

[B]

Galicious to find.

[A]

I misspoke. You know, we all do it from time to time.

[B]

Yeah. Dick's Big Goods Dick Fries.

[A]

Big Dick Goods.

[B]

Big Dicks Good. Big Dick Dick and Dick and Goods. Dicky Goods.

[A]

You know what's gonna be so enraging for you? As a person who just picked up an extra piece of toast for a me. I might make a slider. Dude.

[B]

Okay, well, I needed the coleslaw no matter what.

[A]

Yeah, we needed that coleslaw.

[B]

Okay. So the bread does look delicious. The sauce looks delicious. Lizzie says the fries are fan hands.

[A]

Are the fries. Are they they?

[B]

Who are they?

[A]

Everyone.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And we're all okay?

[B]

I would like to take a moment to get thumbnails.

[A]

Oh, hold on.

[B]

What should I put? I guess somebody should make a sandwich, right? Oh, I need my slider.

[A]

Everything goes into the Sandy, right? Oh, you can't talk because you're thumbnailing. So everything goes into this. Okay, cool, cool.

[B]

Wow, the chicken is delicious. You know, I've been shitting on raising cane since the last time we had it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I don't think it's how the food tastes. I think it's how I remember I felt afterwards.

[A]

Yeah. Spencer was also saying he does not feel good afterwards.

[B]

He said every time he does not feel good.

[C]

I. I love raising canes with the sauce, but I feel like without the sauce, everything's too boring.

[B]

It's a bust.

[C]

Oh, whoa.

[B]

Yeah. You got a thumbnail with the sandwich. Can you get closer at all?

[A]

No. Oh, hold on.

[B]

No. Oh, that's good too. Okay, stop there. I'll just come closer to you.

[C]

How come I didn't.

[B]

Oh, I did.

[C]

It's hiding.

[B]

Really Showcase the. Can you do it? Like. Yeah, this guy's walking by and laughing.

[A]

No, he's laughing at somebody else.

[B]

It's a hard job, but somebody has to do it. You want to get in here and eat with us? Oh, wow. Lizzie really executed on make. Are you not making yours?

[C]

I need the other bread.

[B]

Oh, I was gonna make a slider too.

[C]

Oh, should we do sliders?

[B]

No, no, make a full one. Make a. I forgot that. That we got more bread. I'm an idiot. Okay, there's lots of sauce in there. If you want more.

[C]

We'll definitely take another sauce.

[B]

Okay. And you have the coast law, too,

[C]

so you just put it all together. There's no rhyme or reason.

[B]

Yep. You just build your sandwich.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Fries have to be included.

[C]

Fries have to be included How?

[B]

Well, that's the law for the. On. For the secret menu.

[C]

I'll figure it out. Wait, I'll put Kosa. That'll hold the fries in place.

[B]

And. Okay, Lizzy, what's your review? Because you're already. You've already got it. Wow, you're an efficient person. I'm gonna put sauce on top and bottom.

[A]

I did, too.

[B]

You did?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're so talented.

[A]

I top and bottom my buns.

[B]

Did you thumbnail Chris?

[C]

I did.

[B]

Okay, great.

[C]

I was just holding a piece of

[A]

chicken, so it's good.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It needs the coleslaw, otherwise it's too salty.

[B]

Really? And did you do full fries? Okay. Wow. Okay, I got.

[C]

I feel like I'm making a Mess.

[B]

Oh, wait.

[C]

Did I not get my sled of coleslaw?

[B]

Oh, I did. How's the coleslaw Individually? It's great. Really? Okay, let me. Well, I have a whole bite of sauce.

[A]

I don't know that I need the bread.

[B]

Oh, this is refreshing.

[A]

Yeah, it's good.

[B]

And is it mayo or, like, what's the binding factor?

[A]

I believe it's mayo. There's mayo. There's like. I think there's some vinegar in it. There's sugar.

[C]

Have you ever had wood ranches coleslaw?

[B]

No.

[C]

I love their coleslaw. It's the only one that doesn't have mayo, but I love it.

[B]

What else it have? I don't know. Did you do two or one nuggies?

[A]

I did a nuggie.

[B]

I don't think two would fit with one piece of nugget.

[A]

No, I did a nuggie and I split it.

[B]

I can't believe you're upset by the bread.

[A]

I just like a lot of salt.

[B]

A lot of salt. The bread's salty.

[C]

Why is the bread so salty?

[B]

That's weird, right?

[A]

Yeah. Do you think they came on?

[B]

Almost tastes like it's from the ocean.

[C]

No.

[B]

Like there's not a seafood tang in your opinion? No.

[A]

Is there one in yours? Well, that substantiates my cum conclusion.

[B]

Oh, my God. Wow. That's Chris. Okay. The full one looks better. Visually.

[A]

That's gorgeous.

[B]

Chris. Chris, you really. You really did that. Let me take a picture of you. It's turning me on.

[A]

You dipped and did it.

[B]

Whoa. Wow. Chris's day just got better. Chris got fucked in the ass after being so positive.

[A]

That'll teach him. Yeah.

[C]

Life hates it when I'm positive.

[B]

That's wild. It is good.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you try dunking in sauce on top of the sauce?

[A]

Yeah, the sauce is very peppery.

[C]

This is very good so far, but very hard to eat. Extremely hard to eat. The slider is nice and, like, manageable. Maybe a slider is the way to go. This is, Ah.

[B]

What chicken place did we go to last that? I was like, this is the best one there is.

[C]

Oh, yes.

[A]

Do you think Dave's is also owned by Cane's? So they can be in competition with each other but constantly succeeding?

[B]

That would be crazy. Which individual item is the best for me?

[A]

I think it's the fries.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. The tendies or the strippies? Nothing to write home about.

[C]

Honestly, the more that I'm getting into this, the more I really like it. I need a lot of sauce, though. But I actually really? Like, it's such a mess, though.

[B]

The coastal is nice. So what's in your agenda? You're gonna go home. Your. You, your whole family will be there. Yeah.

[A]

I'm gonna go around and pop find out.

[B]

What are you guys gonna do all night?

[A]

We're gonna, you know, rage until the bitter end.

[B]

That's so fun. I wish my family was in town.

[A]

I wish your family was in town too.

[B]

You already have your family.

[A]

I know. You can come hang out with my family if you want.

[B]

Should I bring my children?

[A]

Yeah, you can. Icky's gonna be nice.

[C]

It's actually really good. How do you think of this? Are you just very high?

[B]

Oh, sandwich. Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

Like, it's just the convenience of it. A sandwich is more convenient than three strips if you can get strips down with like one hold. So that's what I'd be thinking about when I'm tired, I'm like, what can I eat the fastest?

[B]

It did say on the Instagram post that inspired this. This raising Cane secret menu item is now a part of the menu. But I didn't see it on the menu, so.

[C]

So they're liars.

[B]

I guess so. I agree with you. Every time you dunk it in the sauce, it's good. Way better.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it is a little sauce dependent. Oh.

[C]

To me, Cane's is nothing without the sauce, which.

[A]

Well, Cane's is only sauce. Everything else is just like a breaded chicken. And I will say the breadedness of the chicken, like the fry of it is good.

[B]

Yeah. The flavor, though, Bland. Yeah, it's bland.

[C]

There is none.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I guess they're leaving it all to the sauce.

[C]

Yeah. Which I don't like.

[B]

Is it popular?

[A]

Yeah. People buy it in the cups.

[B]

No, not the sauce. Canes in general.

[C]

Yes, extremely.

[A]

Is it popular or do they just pay for a lot of marketing?

[C]

Well, they have buildings popping up all over.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, if they're expanding, it must be doing well from all the marketing. I mean. But if the marketing is working. It's working. Wow.

[C]

Are we gonna talk about the gorgeous woman at the drive thru that I might need to propose to?

[B]

She made you straight. She was stunning.

[C]

She was so pretty.

[B]

She was worth going back a second time for. We didn't see her the first go around.

[A]

Should we go back a third time and see if we get her again?

[B]

I have to for both.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

We have two children.

[A]

How easy.

[B]

I forget. Honestly, I'm. I'm bored without the bread now that my sandwich is over. I'm bored.

[A]

Well, you have to have, like. I'm, like, doing the sandwich in bites with, you know.

[B]

So the sandwich is necessary.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Raising Cane's is nothing without their sandwich. Nothing on menu.

[C]

They should make a sandwich bread that's thicker and, like, you know, makes sense for a sandwich and turn this into an actual thing because it's great.

[B]

I know they have a bun, but that's not fit.

[C]

Wait, do they have a sandwich already?

[B]

They have a sandwich. It's not. Not this, though. It's like. It's like a loser sandwich. Only losers get that one.

[A]

I've noticed that.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you.

[A]

Joe and I had a funny conversation.

[B]

About what?

[A]

A vasectomy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And he was like. Both of us were like. It makes us sad. So are we having a third? Can my body stay?

[C]

I thought we already named your third.

[A]

We did, Esther.

[B]

I'm having a third boy named Ralph. I mean, I want a girl, but,

[C]

like, then who's gonna be named Ralph?

[A]

Do you have a girl, Ralphie?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Raphaela.

[B]

Shane's not ready yet.

[A]

What's gonna get him ready?

[B]

1.5 years.

[A]

He said that?

[B]

Well, I said that. I said, you don't have a choice in 1.5 years.

[C]

Jesus. That's so awful.

[B]

No, he'll want another. It's just hard when you're in the thick of two, you know? Oh, you have.

[A]

I know.

[B]

You have moments where you're like, I need a third. But it's like, can we mentally and physically handle a third? Like, in a healthy way for every party and involved?

[A]

No.

[B]

Like, we'd all be stretching it a little too thin. Yeah. And then, like, you know, death to everyone. Yeah.

[A]

My body couldn't handle it. And then if I wait longer, I'd be 38.

[B]

Your husband would be 88.

[A]

My husband will be 92. Also, like, every kid I have, I get. I know I am older. Like, I get older every year. Like, we all do. It's crazy, but every child I have makes me feel like the previous child was a hundred years previous. Like, I was a young thing. A spring chicken.

[B]

You had Billy?

[A]

Yeah. And now I'm a million years old.

[C]

I've been spiraling a lot recently. I'm choking, there's so much food in my mouth. And I've been spiraling a lot recently. About, like. Because I've always wanted kids, but I'm getting old. And, like, I don't want to, like,

[A]

get your boyfriend pregnant.

[B]

Dude, Joe's 85. You're fine.

[C]

I just don't I don't know. I don't want my kid like to be my kid to be in middle school and I'm like, done. I can't be active at all. Do you know what I mean? I don't know. So I'm like, there's a part of me that's like, you better go propose to her. Do I just. Is that the solution?

[A]

I've been telling you, Chris, just get some girl pregnant. It's not that hard.

[C]

It's not that hard as the problem.

[B]

You can't get hard with a thumbnail.

[A]

Have you heard of a turkey baster?

[C]

I think it's that simple, I suppose. Turkey baster.

[A]

No, I think it's that simple. I might be stupid. Ask ChatGPT maybe. Do you have chat?

[B]

No, I know.

[A]

Do you have chat? Can you ask chat right now? If you can just come into a turkey baster and squirt.

[B]

Well, I know that you can. I know somebody who was successful doing

[A]

that, literally using a turkey baster from the kitchen.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Who did it? Name names.

[B]

I'm not gonna name names.

[A]

It's everyone's business now.

[C]

I'm like the villain and don't breathe.

[B]

But yeah, I mean, is it that much different from.

[A]

Wait, the villain? Is that a huge spoiler alert?

[C]

No. Maybe.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Sorry,

[B]

are you looking for bread?

[A]

I need more suckers. Sauce.

[B]

Oh, more sauce. Here you go.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

I fear I'm going to be sick.

[A]

I'm already sick. Should I just not eat those last four french fries that I needed more sauce for?

[C]

That's really going to make her break.

[B]

Wow. Delish.

[A]

Oh, my dad's texting. What does he want?

[B]

He's probably jealous he's not here. Or he just arrived here your house. Or he's belling. Are they going to a spa?

[A]

No.

[B]

Your silence is killing us.

[A]

I wasn't listening.

[B]

I know. What's going on?

[A]

My parents are going to come over to my house around 2:30. No, 3:15. They're going to make barbecue salmon cooked in the oven. Dinner will commence at 5:30. Gigi and Papa will depart between 5:50 and and 6pm why are they on

[B]

such a tight ship?

[A]

There is a like March Madness basketball game that they want to watch.

[B]

Wow. And are they going to go to like a bar in West Hollywood?

[A]

No, they're going to watch it in their bedroom in West Hollywood.

[B]

Oh, why can't they watch it at your house in Voy?

[A]

Because it ends at like 9pm oh yeah. Did you just dox me?

[B]

I think you did the Real Housewives of Band Eyes at one point in time.

[A]

It's Valley, Glenn.

[B]

Whatever lets you sleep at night.

[A]

It is Valley Glatton.

[B]

No, your neighborhood's actually really cute. No, it's literally Valley Glen, and it's really cute.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Oh, my God. Are we still rolling?

[B]

Well, I ate horrible all weekend because of Easter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The party continues and there's a whole Suzy cake in my fucking oven. So it's gonna happen tonight, too. You guys in your fucking oven, Cake on your own.

[C]

Yeah, because of Foodie Friday, I've been eating so much worse now twice a week. And, yeah, it's really affecting me. It's affecting my body. Things are getting soft. They keep saying I'm gonna eat better, and I don't.

[B]

It really is hard that people like to watch people eat on the Internet.

[C]

How do you stay so skinny?

[B]

I walk my dog seven days a week, period. That really. I mean, seriously.

[A]

No, it's like a long walk.

[B]

Yeah. Well, girls, we've had so much fun

[A]

with you, and now we're sick.

[B]

We're sick. We hope you had fun with all of us. And you know what? We're gonna do this again next Wednesday. We love you for being here. Everyone's videos are linked down below. Lizzie's videos are. I think you said quote is intriguing this week.

[A]

Yes. It'll suck you in.

[B]

It'll suck you in. So hold on. Strap in before you tune in. Fasten your seatbelt.

[A]

It'll suck you in like a cooter and some denim shorts.

[B]

We love you so much. We'll see you next Wednesday. Goodbye. And that's the sip. Are you fucking kidding me? Three, two.

[A]

You. Goodbye.

[B]

Three, two. Oh, my hell. Good night.