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A
I thought you said the neighbors liked that I'm problematic. Do you want us to, like, call you?
B
No.
A
Okay. I have to.
B
Oh.
A
I'm gonna kill myself.
B
So what's up?
A
I made a hole in my microphone.
B
That would be superhuman powers.
A
What's up, you guys? What? I got. Fuck. Welcome to the Backyard Camp Out SIP edition. The SIP Backyard Camp out edition.
B
This is. And I know you guys like a close up on our face, but that's just not a possibility this week.
A
Today, you get to see how awkward our legs are when we're recording.
B
I think it is like, can he.
A
Not punch in and get rid of our legs?
B
No, because have you. That's not how framing works. If he punched frame.
A
When you've got legs like these right.
B
Now, I think they're gorgeous. I think we just have to embrace all of us. If they get to hear all of our raw, unfiltered stories, they should see what we actually look like.
A
Can they see my pussy, Chris? I hope so, because it's itchy.
B
We're not as beautiful as we may seem when we're perfectly lit and framed well and color graded.
A
It's a fly.
B
It was a bee. Are you use your eyes. Your eyes stopped working just because we're outside. So what's up?
A
What is up?
B
And I only have what I can use, like, at the house. Everything's at the office now, so I only have two mic outputs on this Rodecaster, so Chris is mic less.
A
Sorry. Do you want to explain why?
B
What do you mean? There's no why. This just is.
A
You don't. So you don't want to.
B
My family's caught the plague. Okay. I hope you're happy.
A
Rylan's family that lives in a bomb shelter to avoid disease is sick as fuck, which I love so much. This guy's like, I never leave the house. I don't leave the house so that we don't get sick. I don't get sick ever. These kids have never been sick. Everyone's sick. Everyone's sick. Everyone's covered in blisters.
B
Me, my nanny, not sick.
A
Well, Rylan keeps saying he's not sick, but he won't show us his butthole.
B
I will. I'll show you my butthole.
A
Okay.
C
Whip it out.
A
Show us your butthole. It's for educational purposes. YouTube. Don't demonetize.
B
How much hair is your preferred butthole?
A
Dude, I think a lot.
B
You like a lot of hair?
A
Yeah, I want it textured.
B
I'll show you.
A
Are you serious?
B
What?
A
You're Pulling your butthole out right now just for you.
B
Chris, shut your eyes.
A
Chris has to sh.
B
It's really sweaty right now.
A
Oh, I was gonna say you got some lint in there? No, a little bit of L, but it's okay.
B
I just used a bidet.
A
Well, not high enough.
B
No, the one in my bedroom isn't good. As good as the one in my office?
A
Well, I. Obviously.
B
Okay, so here's the deal. We had, like, first, Max was feeling a little under the weather, and it was odd. We, like, couldn't pinpoint because it didn't exactly seem like a cold. It didn't exactly seem like a stomach issue. We were like, that's weird. And he was in and out, like, half the day. He was still raging. And then portions of the day, he was just. He couldn't and he needed to be held.
A
Yeah.
B
And so I was like, okay, we'll just take this day by day. Then a few days later, Jack comes down with something. His symptoms are completely different than Max's, which is weird. But Shane and I also have and process the same cold differently. Like, if Shane and I are ever dealing with something, he always is. Whatever. It doesn't matter.
A
Yeah.
B
You know, and then Shane starts feeling unwell on Saturday, and Lizzy and I were like, well, he's been feeling unwell for 400 years, so it's probably.
A
Why did you have to include me in that?
B
Well, you were the one that said it.
A
Shut up. It was an insensitive thing I said.
B
And I was like, you know what? Lizzie's right. He's fine. He's just exhausted and tired. We've been working a lot, and then the baby's being sick. That is an added layer of stress. It's hard to have two sick kids, which is why I avoid the world and live in a bomb shelter as is.
A
Yeah.
B
And after having two sick babies, I think I should double down on that.
A
How do you double down on it? You literally do. You were in a bomb shelter a few days ago.
B
Lizzie was like, so now that you know that they're gonna get sick, even if you're not doing crazy things, will you go out in the world?
A
I was like, yes.
B
And then the last two days, I'm.
A
Like, no, this is double down. They see no one. No one comes in. No one goes out.
B
I get like, a multi million dollar sanitation machine for everybody that comes in and out of the house.
A
The bubble boys.
B
But then Shane slept for. For like, an entire day, and he was feeling better when he woke up. But then he woke up and there were crate. There was a crazy rash all over his hands.
A
Yeah.
B
And so we sent it to a few different doctors because I sent it to my mom Sunday and. Oh, yeah, they think it's the same thing.
A
Yeah.
B
And it chat GPT and a few doctors.
A
And every mom you've ever met.
B
And every mom you've ever met is like, it's hmfd. Hand foot mouth disease. Which is. It sounds really scary, which it is. But it's also very common.
A
Yeah.
B
It's like a.
A
If your kid's ever ridden in a grocery cart, odds are they've had it.
B
But then it does kind of explain as to why my kids might be processing because, like, sometimes in toddlers, the rash or the bumps don't show.
A
Oh, interesting.
B
Which is what a doctor told usually don't get it. Which. It would be Shane's luck, huh?
A
No, I've had mom friends get it. One of my mom friends got it on Mother's Day weekend and it was her first Mother's Day.
B
She's like, well, I got it on Billy's birthday bash.
A
Yeah.
B
So. And I was trying to be cool and not tell his.
A
Knew you were going to make his birthday about you.
B
I tried not to. I really. I think I'm peeking. This microphone I'm not used to because it's different, but I really. On Billy's birthday, I was like, shut up about it. I didn't say anything. But then when it was coming to the day of Billy's party, I was like, well, I have to tell you, I can't come.
A
Well, the thing is, we were all talking shit about you.
B
Of course you were.
A
Yeah. We're like, he's such a pussy. They're just teething. They're just fussy. He's like, now they're sick.
B
Like, now these bitches.
A
I was like, how did they get sick? They don't leave the house.
B
Exactly.
A
None of this adds up. And then. Yeah, they have.
B
We.
A
I mean, Jeff M.D.
B
It'S Monday today, so we haven't been to a doctor. Shane hasn't been to a doctor. My babies haven't been to a doctor. So we're not exactly sure.
A
Why are you trying to dodge the charges?
B
And my babies are. They're like, on the mend. You know, we're doing a lot better. Like, if Shane didn't wake up with this, I would have thought, what? There's a bee now. Oh, he landed on. He literally landed on me. The fly that you were calling the bee. That was a Fly.
A
Well, the fly that I saw was black and this one was yellow. This is awful. If I get stung by a bee right now, I'm gonna. It's not gonna be cute.
B
What happens to a pregnant woman stung by a bee?
A
Nothing. I got stung last year and I was like, joe, google it. Google it. I've stepped on a bee. I just fell to the ground as if I could never get back up from where I'd stepped on the beam screaming for help. Yeah, no, I mean, that would just literally be the nail in my coffin today.
B
But if Shane didn't wake up with those rashes, I would have just kept super spreading it to everyone I know.
A
You know what?
B
And then Lizzie and Chris were just gonna go to Cheesecake Factory alone. And then I woke up and I was like, I'm 100%. Like, I'm feeling great. I'm feeling like I could run a marathon right now. Do you just want to come sit in the backyard? If you don't, fine. But if you do, come on over.
A
Here we are. Oh, it's my own hair on my lip.
B
So I want to hear about your bash. Girls traveled far and wide from across the world to attend Billy's first birthday pimpin on. Shrimpin bath birthday.
A
Bath birthday. We all took a bath and it was his birthday. No, it was really fun. It was really fun. We raged all weekend. He had the best time. We, like, we tried one nap yesterday, Thrived.
B
Really.
A
We snuck out for breakfast and had. We went to the Beverly Garland and had breakfast and a swim, went home, had one, two and a half, like two hour and 15 minute nap, went back to the Beverly Garland for dinner, raged our faces off.
B
That's because that's where some of your friends were staying.
A
Oh, yeah. And it's also my favorite hotel right in the valley.
B
I was so devastated. I was like, so excited to take my boys to Billy's birthday party.
A
I was pretty bummed. Everyone was like, where's Rylan?
B
And that's.
A
I was like, his kids are sick.
B
And I was like, I have two options. I show up alone or I bring the one that's feeling better. And I just. I couldn't be the person that brings a baby that might even have possibly something.
A
Oh, if your kid has hand, foot, and mouth, stay the fuck off.
C
We didn't know.
A
I know.
B
There's no signs of that.
A
I know.
B
It's like one boy had a little tiny cough, and the other boy is like, his stomach is upset and.
A
Well, and one boy just really needed to hold you?
B
Yeah. One boy just needed his stat. Yeah, he needed to death grip me like his life depended on it.
A
Sometimes that's what they need. Just a little. A little koala cling.
B
And now there's wind that. Oh, oh, that's two and a half seconds from blowing over.
A
What is going on?
B
Are my babies in there eating right now? Chris, can you see them?
A
Probably.
B
Are your guys's hands itchy?
A
Are your hands. Oh, my God. My whole body got itchy when you said that. No, the birthday party was really cute and really fun, Billy. It's like overnight, he's like, communicating more. He's using the more for sign language appropriately. And like, all the time he's saying mama, he's saying dada. He's like telling us what he wants. Like this morning he was like, I don't want milk, I want water. It's really cute.
B
Wow.
A
It's really, really awesome. My friends are like, I think you're underestimating him. And I was like, I don't know if he's really making sense. And then when we were leaving, he was like, bye. Bye. Whoa.
B
He's already saying bye.
A
It was like, he's never done that before. And I was like, he's never done that before. Like, calm down, everybody.
B
So he's a show off, like his mom.
A
Yeah, that's me, boy. He's just like me and then so trashy. What do you want from me?
B
No, I. This is my hole. I know, I know.
A
Rylan's like, here, I'm gonna sit on this level ground. Get your fat, pregnant ass over in this hole and hold everything up with two legs and look cute on camera.
B
Which is my luck. And by the way, everyone likes the most. This is the only setup that doesn't get complaints.
A
I feel like I need to put my hair up because of the wind. And also. And then I got like, horrible news, and I've just been crying for 12 hours.
B
I know. I don't know why I had to talk about my non horrible news for 25 minutes.
A
Foot mouth is horrible.
B
Not as horrible as what you're dealing with, but I did have to address it.
A
I'm just sad.
B
It seems like you're dealing with it.
A
Oh, I guess that would be. No, just so everybody understands why I'm. I'm a mess. It's just my. I had. I lost a friend this weekend, and so I'm sad, you know?
B
And that's what I called Lizzy last night at 9pm after she told me this. And I go Maybe the world doesn't want us to podcast this week. Maybe we should just chill.
A
Yeah. Oh, it's a fly on my leg. Sorry.
B
For some reason, here we are. I think sometimes when things feel dark and awful and crazy.
A
Yeah.
B
It's nice to sit next to your best friend.
A
I agree with that 150 million percent. And I also feel like, you know, I said this on the after sip, but I'll repeat it here. Sorry for no longer providing exclusive content on the Patreon.
B
But now everyone's mad at you on this.
A
Well, we'll get over it, but I just feel like I don't. I don't know. Like, I feel like the past couple years, I just keep losing, like, pillars of people in my life, like, really big. Can the gardener shut the fuck up?
B
It's not mine. I don't know.
A
Shut up. Shut up.
B
Now. We piss off the neighbors. We piss off the people next to us. At the office, we're like.
A
I thought you said the neighbors liked that I'm problematic at the office. Yeah.
B
Or here.
A
What? At the office.
B
When have you ever heard our neighbors love that you're loud and problematic?
A
What? They told me as I was walking out. They're like, we love that you can't shut the badge out.
B
No, that's. That's an employee that works at the. Somewhere next to it. That's not, like, somebody that.
A
Well, that's a neighbor.
B
Okay, I.
A
Okay. Did you just fart? No. What was that sound? Recreate it. He farted. He can't recreate it.
B
He can't. I can't fart with my legs closed. That would be superhuman powers. I would have to. You know what?
A
You can.
B
Like, doesn't your ass have to be a little open to fart?
A
Okay, well, you're 100 pounds heavier than you. What are you talking about? Does your ass have to be a little open for you to fart?
B
Maybe you're just more talented than me.
A
Oh, my God. Finally, he admits it.
B
Experts would say so.
A
Experts would say so. Okay, okay, let me finish my. Let me finish my thought.
B
Yeah, you, gardener.
A
So I keep losing people at profound times in my life, which is crazy that you guys keep doing this to me. And it's definitely about me, don't you think?
B
So is this airplane above us?
A
Oh, my God.
B
Whatever. We're in the elements. How does Oprah do these, like, super soul Sundays?
A
Millions of dollars.
B
They can just stop all air traffic and gardeners.
A
I'm covered in flies. I hate this so much.
B
You don't like the outdoors?
A
No. Have you met me?
B
I got you, Shade.
A
What are you talking about?
B
Actually, you got me, Shade. This is your pop up? This is my pop up.
A
Well, you know, all of this is very fitting too, you know, like, nothing's perfect. Everything's awful right here, right now. No offense. Your backyard is lovely. It's just awful. And the point being is like, life goes on. And that's kind of devastating, but also beautiful in the sense that you might be dealing with something huge and horrible and it's something that will never resolve itself. It's a hole that you can never fill. But life goes on and you dig more holes that you can never fill. Do you know what I mean?
B
This isn't feeling very.
A
I know that last part was kind of a joke, but you'll just meet more people that you love and then they'll die on your birthday. It'll just be like a whole new hole that you can't fill.
B
Not on. It was Billy's birthday.
A
No, it wasn't on Billy's birthday. But it like. My point is, it's so beautiful and wonderful to love people so, so much that they leave a hole you can't fill. And you have to remember that like within that hole are a bunch of dope adjectives and principles and morals and stories that you get to carry through as life continues. And one of the things that I keep thinking about is like, you know, losing Jelly and Pat and Kissy and Jesse and everyone, I just keep thinking like, it's my job to show up as a substitute teacher in their place. Like, take these things that they taught me and spread them through the world because they can't right now. And like, I don't know, that makes me feel a little bit better, but. And I'm still the saddest person you're ever gonna meet. I'm never not sobbing. So it's not like that's changed.
B
I don't know why this already. I don't know why. Oh, no, it's okay.
C
No.
B
Now my neighbors think there's an unhinged person here.
A
They're not wrong. Is there going to be back from here? Is it just. Fuck the. Is there anything I can do to make it better?
B
I honestly don't think of it. I mean, at this point, this isn't about aesthetics.
A
I made a hole in my microphone. I'm. I had a hard time doing my lips.
B
It is crazy that I'm comfortable.
A
No, it's not. It makes perfect sense. You fucking bitch. Help. Where's my Phone. Can I fix it or is it over?
C
I don't. No, fix it.
B
Go for it.
A
Oh, it's unfair.
B
Do you have anything else profound to say?
A
No.
B
Wow.
A
Do I just leave it and embrace it? Like, one time I was Santa on Shane's podcast.
B
Yeah, I think so. Nobody cares. They don't come here because we're gorgeous. Although that's a bonus.
A
And when I die, I want all of you smear your lipstick and cry in public, because I can't anymore. Okay?
B
That won't be for a very long time.
A
Fingers crossed.
B
I can't take two more sick kids. Can you imagine four sick kids?
A
My kids don't get sick. They're immune.
B
Cool.
A
Yeah. Yeah. But the funnest part of Billy's birthday was probably going to his preschool because it's. I don't have. I said that he goes to a Jewish preschool.
B
No, I don't think you specified.
A
No, Billy goes to a Jewish preschool. We're not Jewish.
B
And I didn't even know that was allowed.
A
Sometimes it's not.
B
Did they. Do they think you're Jewish?
A
No, I did not lie to them. That would be really crazy.
B
Oh, that would be the craziest thing Elizabeth Gordon has ever done.
A
It would be pretty crazy. I mean, it would be pretty crazy.
B
Okay?
A
Like, I never went to Lena Dunham's house and wrote hate mail to her. You know what I mean? But I thought about it.
B
I lied to an institution that I had a college degree. That seems pretty crazy.
A
Everyone does that. Oh, yeah.
B
I don't know. It seems insulting. Everyone is in student debt right now.
A
Yeah, but no one should be in student debt right now. Do you know what I'm saying?
B
I agree.
A
College has become such a useless thing. It's not even a trade school. You learn nothing. I went and I know this is a stupid opinion that I have, but I really am like, college.
B
Yeah.
A
What do you want to go drink for four more years? You know?
B
Exactly.
A
I learned nothing there besides the fact that I have a raging alcohol problem. So we were at his school, and it was on. We went on a Friday to present a poster board of his life, which was really cute. And on Friday, they celebrate a thing called Shabbat. And they have a whole assembly with the entire class, and they're like, you guys are welcome to come. And Joe and I, like, come in late, and someone's holding Billy because he's a walker and he's unhinged, so they have to hold him in air jail, and he has a little hat on. That has a little Hebrew sign on it that says, it's my birthday and it's so cute.
B
They framed a photo of him.
A
They had like, those kids painted the photo of him.
B
Honestly, in that part is probably better than your baby sprinkle is gonna be.
A
That's fine.
B
I saw the pictures of this party for Billy and I said, can they take care of me too? Dude, I want to be there.
A
It was so beautiful. The babies made the cupcakes. And the Mora's told us that they were like, Billy's friends made these cupcakes yesterday. And I was like, yuck. Because they're babies. They were the best cupcakes I have ever had. Super moist, perfect amount of sugar, really great homemade icing, Some sprinkles on the top. It was so good. And they just kept playing all these songs, which made me laugh. Like, so Billy's like, picking at his icing and, like, eating his muffin and it's like, mazel tov. Happy birthday to you. Every birthday is a special day for a Jew. And if that's not stuck on a loop in my head during my next C section, I don't know what will be. It was the funniest thing. I'm just like, yes, this is. These are my people.
B
Wow.
A
It was awesome.
B
I love it.
A
Yeah. And then we took him out of class and spent the day with him. We went to the mall.
B
He's literally never gonna stop.
A
They're never gonna stop. And also, like, what are they even doing over there? Your neighbor just have a dirt lot?
B
I don't know.
A
Is that shady? Like, what are they landscaping?
B
I don't know.
A
Sounds like they're just blowing leaves around the dirt, right?
B
Yes. I honestly want to, like, fly the drone to just check out what they're doing right now.
A
You probably should, just so we can have B roll right here. Can you.
B
30 minute breakdown.
A
Give me a second to fix my mouth. This is after I tried to fix a really bad job with just like a matte lipstick by putting just a ton of Vaseline over my lips. You can't hear anyone, can you?
B
No, I can hear you, but are you listening? Kind of.
A
You can't hear anything.
B
Vaseline on your lips. That's what Shane put on his hands last night.
A
Yeah, I sent a picture of Shane's hands to the mom group, and they're like, why are his hands so slimy? First I hit the group chat and I was like, who wants to play a game of is it hand, foot, or mouth disease? And then I Was gonna let it linger because in my heart, I was like, all these moms are gonna flip the out because we were all together all weekend.
B
I know. Now it's. I'm grateful I didn't go. I could never those women in the eyes again if I brought hand, foot, and mouth disease to all of their children at a play gym.
A
No, you couldn't. And the funniest thing was I was like, don't worry. It was no one who was at any birthday parties this weekend. And then another one was like, thank you so much for saying that. My first thought was, oh, God, we all have hand, foot, and mouth disease now. And I was. I was brutally honest. I was like, honestly, I knew you guys would all think that. And I thought about leaving it unsaid and just letting you guys all stew in it emotionally so that I would get more attention.
B
You are one of those awful people. Those reels that they're like, how can I get more attention in X situation? Which is ironic because you sent me one of those. Like, I'm always trying to make it about me. I'm not.
A
Did you watch that entire reel?
B
No, I got bored.
A
It's really long. But I sent a reel to Ryland where it's like, how do you make someone else's baby shower? About you and Ryland? You've done, like, seven of the 20 things on that list.
B
Okay, well, I've never had a baby shower, and I've thrown you two, so period.
A
Well, you've thrown one.
B
I mean, the other one's being thrown, period. I didn't not look into event planners yesterday.
A
Oh, why would you need an event plan?
B
It seems like a lot of work.
A
Just use the spreadsheet Kade made last year.
B
Kate.
A
Let me live in my hole. Okay.
B
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A
I thought I just got stung.
B
My husband just texted me. Are we ready to see, like, if it's worse or better today?
A
Yeah.
B
Oh, he's requesting things.
A
What does he want?
B
Oh, no.
A
What does he want?
B
A roll of paper towels, Tylenol, vitamin D, hair pills, a shot of espresso, and a Stanley cup with an open lid.
A
Who's gonna make that happen?
B
Oh, no. I don't know.
A
Does he know that you're working?
B
Let me send him a picture.
A
He didn't hear me screaming.
B
Shut the upper. He can't come downstairs.
A
Do you have to go take care of him?
B
Can I go get. Do you have a solo story? You could go on? Like, you have a stand up.
A
Just turn it off and turn it back on.
B
Okay.
A
I mean, this is like a 15 minute mission.
B
No, I'll be three and a half minutes. You can time me.
A
Okay, well, hang up.
B
Okay. We'll be right back.
A
I don't know. There's nothing we can do. You just have hand, foot, and mouth hair.
B
Whatever. I. I literally didn't get ready. And I was just wearing my workout top before this.
A
Yeah.
B
But I looked and it was green and it was blending in with the greenery behind me. I was camouflaging myself into the set. So then I went and I put this on that we went shopping for last week.
A
It is so, so cute.
B
It is nice.
A
It's really nice. There's a sale at Ralph Lauren, baby, right now. Like, basic tees are like 6.99.
B
What?
A
Yeah.
B
From the regular site.
A
Yeah.
B
Got a shop. It got a shop. I got. I was asking for recommendations for all sorts of things. I found a lot of hot ticket items at Burt Bees.
A
What'd you find?
B
Lots of things.
A
I love Burt's Bees baby crib sheets. Those are my preferred.
B
Oh, shit, girl.
A
Is it 100 degrees out here?
B
Seems like it.
A
Oh, my Lanta.
B
That's it.
A
Yeah. I'm just dying.
B
Okay. What were we talking about?
A
Nothing good. I think I was having a meltdown because I'VE got Miranda Singh's lips now. Whoa. Come on. It's enough. Time has passed, and a reference is a reference. Everybody's saying that last week's episode where Belly puts on the red lip, she starts looking like Miranda sings.
B
Where Belly? Who's Belly?
A
Somewhere I turn pretty. Oh, sorry.
B
You guys are still watching that girl.
A
There's. But when this comes out, there will. The last episode will have been aired, so this will be over. But I. I know this is a moot point and nobody here cares, but I do have to say, we came to this show to watch a sister. F U C K brothers. None of us came here sick. Yeah, that's my point. We're sick. We're toxic. We're edging for the drama. We want this young woman to destroy a family that's already vulnerable after losing their mother to the C word. So here's the thing. If you take Belly and try to, like, wrap her little story arc up in a I found myself in Paris moment, and I chose myself instead of love, and I'm gonna live a big life instead of her killing one of these brothers or effing them both at the same time. I'm gonna be pissed because I'm here for toxicity. I don't want growth. I don't want anyone to be okay at the end of this season. Do you know what I'm saying?
B
Has it been renewed for another season?
A
No, it's over. Ow.
B
Wait. What? Did you get stung by a bee?
A
No, I think I just hurt myself a little.
B
Okay, wait. This is the series finale.
A
This is the series finale. Why are they ending two episodes? They've wasted, like, an. Like, two and a half hours of our lives doing nothing. They introduced us to Mexican Timothy Chalamet as a love interest. Did you fart?
B
No.
A
What is that sound?
B
Is it this chair when I rock?
A
It must be, but you can't recreate the sound as a love interest. Did you fart? So I just have to assume you're farting with your legs crossed.
B
Well, now they're, like, openly crossed, so.
A
You totally could be farting.
B
I could, but I didn't. I would tell you if I farted. I'm not shy, and I feel comfortable around you. I feel like we're both like, what about.
A
You'd fart in front of Chris?
B
He's far enough away.
A
So the point being this last episode, this. Our episode of the sip Will already be out by the time that episode airs.
B
I know nothing about the show other than what you have told me about It A, the audience seems to be 35 year old woman and we're living. And B, you just gave them a whole nother season killing the brothers. And then it's like a, who did it?
A
You know what? I have to share something. I have to share something because another 35 year old woman that I'm friends with.
B
Well, you're not talking into the mic anymore.
A
Oh, no, because it moved. Because nothing stationary in this hole that I'm living in.
B
This is wild. Oh, my God.
A
What?
B
What's on your foot?
A
Are you joking? My tattoo?
B
No, that's a big whoopsies.
A
The. The red part here. I think those are just bunions, girl.
B
Oh, get bunions.
A
She knows so much. I hate you. I hate you so, so much.
C
Hold on.
A
Where's my Letty messages? Okay, so my friend texted me, what if Belly had a secret twin named Tummy, short for Autumn, and they just shared Conrad and Jeremiah forever? I said, honestly, that's the ending we all deserve. And then I felt inspired and I said, tummy is a feral child that comes out of the cousin's house walls. Belly's twin, she's been hidden in there all her life. She speaks crudely. She's very pale, long knotted hair. If you've seen the movie Nell, I'm thinking a Nell. She is the girl for Jerry. He nurses her back to strength with scraps from his busboy job and teaches her to read as well as he can, even though he's not a great.
B
Did you do this or did chat?
A
I made this up.
B
Is it almost over?
A
No. She's not fully literate, but his frat bros have taught her how to roll a fat J. She truly appreciates the perfect balance of sweet and bitter in a wedding cake, and her heart is all jars. Belly and Conrad come to the wedding. Tummy sees Belly and is triggered with blinding rage because she remembers the pain Belly and Conrad caused her Jer. She goes ballistic, attacks the couple. I won't be more graphic right now because I have to make Billy birthday panc, but it's a total bloodbath. People think Tummy is rabid. No one can stop her. Later that night, Belly and Conrad are pronounced dead at the cousins hospital, and Tummy is locked up again, this time in a cell. But she'll get out one day because she always does. And that's the ending we all deserve.
B
Okay, let's send it to the writers.
A
I think we just did. Oh, my God. Speaking of writers, let me bogart the mic real quick.
B
Okay, go for it.
A
We had a development with our Christmas movie.
B
Tell them.
A
I. You know what I think we need to do? I think we need to do something psychotic. I think we need to send a mob of people to this company being like, make the Christmas movie.
B
Do they have an Instagram?
A
I'm sure they do. I'm sure they do. I know they.
B
So this company that was once, they enjoyed the script, but they didn't create that genre of movie.
A
No. So the. The company only made high school rom coms.
B
Well, actually, we need to go back four years.
A
Okay.
B
If you're new here, come me Lizzy wrote a Christmas script where the two of us star in a cr. We're starring in a Hallmark. Well, it's not Hallmark.
A
Well, we had the opera. I had a meeting, and we were given the opportunity to write a Hallmark Christmas movie about us, starring us. The problem is, if you've met me, you know, I'm not specifically a Hallmark brand. Girly, though I did try my best. It is nothing that Hallmark would ever air.
B
No, no, it would. It's something more along the lines of like a Netflix or a Prime Video or like, a little more like.
A
It's R rated.
B
Yeah, an R rated Christmas comedy, heartfelt, funny movie.
A
Yes. So they passed. And then one year, Shane was like, you guys should just start a Kickstarter. And Rylan and I were both like, we don't want to run a Kickstarter. You were about to have twins. I was like, I don't want to run a Kickstarter, Al. We dropped it. A lot of you contributed money, which was insanely kind of you. All of that money was given back to you, by the way, because we did not raise the money we needed. Then I had a person who watches the podcast reach out to me who works at a production company, and she was like, let me read the script, girl. I'll pass it on to the head of scripted development or whatever. She reads it, she loves it. She sends it off. They get back to me, they like it. But they only make movies that are high school based.
B
Right.
A
And this is a movie about two 30 year olds who have failed at.
B
Love and life and 30's a stretch even.
A
Fuck you. No, it's not. Joe said we could play 22.
B
That's the energy we need.
A
Look at me.
B
You might have to revise the script to be pregnant because you're never not pregnant.
A
That being said, I rewrote the script to be 22 year olds and we got casted out, unfortunately.
B
Whatever. Okay, so now.
A
So now that company just finished shooting a film that was college based kids. And the script I sent them was college based kids.
B
Right.
A
So I got an update that they are revisiting it. But I honest to goodness think that it would be good for us if at least a thousand of you bombarded them with interest.
B
I think that's great.
C
What's the.
B
We just do.
A
Is this psycho, or are they going to blackmail me? But if I was going to send them. Blackmail me, blacklist me, because I was going to send them other scripts. Should I ruin my relationship right now or is this ballsy?
B
I think, like, why wouldn't somebody take their. It's not an expensive movie.
A
Yeah.
B
I feel like enough people would watch for there to be a return.
A
I also feel like, why not take a crazy chance? Yeah.
B
And if they make it, for how much? Are we talking, like a hundred thousand dollars? They can make it 200, 250.
A
You have no concept. 500, probably a million dollars.
B
Okay. A million dollars.
A
Very low budget. Because I know that they do budgets up to 13 million.
B
Okay.
A
And I know that their last movie.
B
So tell us what the company is called.
A
Okay. Oh, the company is called American High Support. Lizzie Gordon and Rylan Adams canceled at Christmas. Honestly. Let me just make sure. I think I changed the script title before I sent it to them to something really bad.
B
At this point, we're looking at next Christmas because if it gets greenlit anytime soon, then we film next spring, and then it airs next Christmas, and we're gonna be like 83 years old by that time.
A
Well, we're not in this movie.
B
What?
A
I don't think we're in this movie.
B
Well, then I don't care. I have nothing. Then don't spam them. I don't care about it if it. If we're not in it.
A
Oh, no. When I send this means nothing to.
B
Me if I'm not in it.
A
Okay, well, then I'll. We'll discuss.
B
Yeah, we'll. We will discuss.
A
We'll discuss with the development. I'm panicking.
B
I'm in it.
A
I. Okay. Spam American High's Instagram by saying a cockadoodle Christmas.
B
You want to see it?
A
Well, it's because I had to retitle.
B
The podcast Cockadoodle Christmas.
A
And we're not titled it. I retitled the podcast.
B
We need to get on the same front.
A
And a girl talking about sex stories.
B
Before we unleash people on something. We need to get on the same page. Are we starring?
A
We're having a little development.
B
Are we Starring in it or not?
A
Yes.
B
Okay, then go to their Instagram specifically say, I need Ryland and Lizzie to be starring in a Cock A Doodle Christmas. We will watch the F out of this, and if we can get, like, 4, 3, 400 comments on their last Instagram post, I feel like they're gonna be like, whoa.
A
Yeah. And here's the deal. Nothing happens in this town not to.
B
Make that post about us. Like, watch it. Somebody else's big moment. It's their big movie, and it's all comments about Ryland and Lizzie.
A
No. Good. Do it. Hold on. Let me find their Instagram. Should we plug their Instagram?
B
Sure. Well, they've got to go find it now that you.
A
It's literally just American High.
B
Oh, perfect.
A
Yep.
B
It's the last post.
A
The last post is Bath bomb. Nah, we use jelly beans in this house.
B
Perfect. Go to it.
A
Go to it. Let them know you want to see A Cock A Doodle Christmas written by Lizzie Gordon, starring Lizzie Gordon and Rylan Adams.
B
I deserve to be a, like, campy movie star.
A
Can I? Yeah, dude. And can I just say what I wrote is funny?
B
Well, I'll see you in it.
A
You don't remember it at all, do you know?
B
I do remember it. Yeah. I. Well, but let's not. Let's not hype up the storyline until we have more of a green light.
A
No, I think we can hype the storyline up. I'm very proud of it. Chris, are you already commenting on it? Chris is commenting right now. Follow him. Follow his lead.
B
Okay. So do you want to hear what happened to me?
A
Sure.
B
Well, we can't go on about the hypothetical movie forever.
A
No, you're right. I just was slow because the daycare just text texted me.
B
What do they want?
A
Well, when I dropped Billy off, I started scream crying, and so they've just been sending me pictures of him all day to make me feel better.
B
You're like, this is about something different, but.
A
Well, no, it was both because I just said I miss him. He was my barnacle all weekend. And it sucks dropping him off at daycare. The thing that's, like, the only redeeming thing about it is that I know he's having a great time there because I get these pictures of him beaming and doing all these activities that, like, I do a lot of with him, but I'm not painting with ice cubes.
B
Right. And how many days a week are you going now?
A
Three.
B
Nice.
A
Friday's a half day because of Shabbat.
B
Right?
A
Yeah.
B
Okay.
A
Which I. I know What Shabbat is been to the assembly. They give all the little kids little tiny shooters of grape juice. The big kids and the big kids who are like three and four, get up at a certain time, pick up these tiny little shooters of grape juice and hand them all to the babies. And the babies sit there, go. And then they all get a little piece of hollow bread and they cram it in their mouths. It is the kids cutest thing. And then they put all the babies in a wagon and drag them back to the nursery. It's so cute. Okay, continue.
B
Oh, mine's just, you know we have a golf cart.
A
I do.
B
So that golf cart has been out of commission for years.
A
It has.
B
And I just thought as the boys get older, it will be so fun to take them on the dog walk. Their stroller walk in the golf cart.
A
You know, or like stroller walk in a golf cart.
B
No, I'm saying, like, they're riding on my lap and we're in no stroller. No, I'm just saying the walk that they already go on in the stroller.
A
The path.
B
The path.
A
Got it.
B
Our walking path would be nice in the golf cart, like on evenings or at sunset, you know, to have a great time. So I was like, let's pull it out of the ranch.
A
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I came to work today, honestly.
B
Me too.
A
I just said I hate mom to American High.
B
No, it's not a hate mob. It's an encouraging mob to make. I'm trying to be encouraging, but honestly.
A
I think what we've just done is really crazy. I know.
B
Be nice.
A
Honestly, I've already been crazy with one of their head writers.
B
What was your message like, Chris? Was it?
C
I was going to double check what I typed.
B
Oh, see, we do have mixed messaging. Our own. Our own. Our own team is like.
C
What I typed out was we need a Christmas movie starring Rylan Adams and Lizzie Gordon asap, please.
B
Is that okay?
A
I would say you need to make a cock a doodle Christmas by Lizzie Gordon starring Ryland Adams and Lizzie Gordon. That's the messaging. Because they have to know it's already. It's a script they already have. Have.
B
Right.
A
And that's what they know the script as. We'll go back to canceled at Christmas.
B
I think we could retitle the movie.
A
It was always a working title. Okay. We'll ask Chat GPT for some suggestions. The script is stronger than the title. It always is. If you get a good title, you might as well assume that the Script itself is trash.
B
Okay?
A
I always say that. Everyone always says that. It's a saying in Hollywood. If the title's good, the script is bad. We all know it's a this time. Okay, you got a golf cart for your. Your path.
B
Okay, So I was trying to get it fixed. We sent it to the first company. They found a lot of rat nests in it because it was in my rat infested shed. Well, there's a shed over there that nothing really belongs in except for, like, old exterior house paint so that you can like, one day go back and look at the color to order it again.
A
I'm not trying to be rude.
B
Okay.
A
Is your house painted?
B
What are you talking about?
A
This isn't just raw material.
B
No, this is a. It's a Spanish style home.
A
So it's painted. Yes.
B
Okay, that's. You have a problem with a white home?
A
No, I thought it was beautiful. It's creamy. But I just assumed it was not a painted home.
B
No, this isn't what, like, pure stucco looks like.
A
Okay. I don't know.
B
Okay. It's painted.
A
Okay.
B
I'm saying beautiful. The bathroom paint color is in that shed. The exterior paint is in that shed. There's a few extra doors.
A
There's some rat communities.
B
Well, yes, because it's surrounded you. You know, the shed. It's surrounded by tree. You can't keep them out. Whatever. Yeah, when the golf cart broke down, I stored it in there to keep it out of the way and not rotting in the sun. All right.
A
Love it.
B
So I went to get it fixed. The first company has it for weeks, and then they're like, we can't fix it. I'm like, bring it back. So then we get a different company out, and as he's loading it up, he just runs into my gate and breaks it. And the only reason I'm telling you is because I have video now.
A
Do you need a gate repair man? Is it the same guy? Did he do this on purpose just to get a bigger check? He's like, wait, wait, I got a guy for gates. One second. He just, like, puts a mustache on, comes back, hello. I fixed your gate. Beep, beep.
B
Everyone completely destroyed the gate. I know. Isn't that crazy?
A
It's shocking that I haven't hit your gate, but I have hit your house.
B
The house.
A
Thank God you have that extra paint to cover up where I. The damage I've done.
B
Who cares about the structural damage? Just slap some paint on it and call it a day.
A
Now that I know that you can I don't know why you've been so upset for all these years.
B
Honey's also been sick, so I'm just like. Like, why. Why is my whole family down and out?
A
I don't know.
B
It seems personal.
A
It seems. It does seem personal.
B
Did you send this to my house?
A
Why would I ever.
B
In the form.
A
Why would. Why?
B
I think you've threatened.
A
Oh, because you're awful about. Oh, I am glad you brought this up. When you called and you said, my family has hfmd.
B
I didn't say that. I said, shane, hey. I said, hey, hey.
A
Everyone thinks my family has hfmd. Because it appears that we do.
B
But nobody's been to a doctor, so nobody could actually say for sure.
A
You have blisters on your hands like that. You have hmd.
B
Okay, He's. He's in a vulnerable place right now. Let's not kick him when he's down.
A
I'm not kicking him down.
B
It happens to all of us already down. And it seems like you're.
A
It's gonna happen to me. It's gonna. I know it. There's not a chance on how I'm escaping it. It's happening. Okay, but did I ever once say, so fucking help you if my kids get hmfd?
B
Well, no, but I haven't been around.
A
Your kids, and sometimes I haven't been around your kids, and I. And you still say no. I call something nasty every time.
B
Well. Cause here's the thing about Lizzie. She's always down to work. She's like, oh, I'll be there.
A
It's not true. When my kid's really down and out, I'm to come to work.
B
Well, if he needs you.
A
Yeah, if he needs.
B
It's not if he's sick. It's if he needs you, which is fine. And every. Everyone's different. I don't care. But that's why I called you. I'm like, I don't think it's safe for us to film, so let's not. And then when I was like, but if you want to sit outside, I can set up everything in a way. You don't have to touch it. You can bring your own microphone, which you did.
A
But I would like to point out, never have I ever said something nasty about your family.
B
Yeah, no, you didn't. You didn't, you didn't. But thank God I didn't go to his birthday party, right?
A
Yeah, thank God. But also.
B
And I felt really bad about that because I thought I could just leave them at home and go Alone to just show my support. And there was something in my head that was like, don't go. Just don't go. And then you told me, nobody's here with a melting of emoji of face. And I almost jumped off my house. I felt guilty. And that's what I texted you. I was like, well, I think it's just hard to get out the door with kids, so everyone's late. And then I got no response from her, so I was like, she's sitting alone at a birthday party that I didn't show up to.
A
What if I was alone, you'd be getting responses. Oh, everybody showed up.
B
And then I told Shane, should I go right now? Should I just leave and go right now? And he's like, you won't even make it by the end of the party at this point.
A
No.
B
Okay.
A
It was also. I specifically had a party that was for babies, not for adults.
B
Well, as it should be.
A
No. A lot of first birthdays are for adults, I guess.
B
Yeah, that's true. I mean, you have a lot of friends with kids.
A
Yeah.
B
Okay, we have another ad read, and then Chris and Lizzie are gonna go out in the world and eat.
C
What?
A
What? I want to talk about some things with you after the ad read.
B
Oh, my God. There's more to talk about?
A
Yeah.
B
What kind of things do you have to talk about?
A
Well, Taylor Swift, for one. Sneaking into the Chiefs game. Why did she sneak into the Chiefs game?
B
Chiefs game.
A
There was a Chiefs game this weekend. They lost. Losers.
B
Wait, preseason or, like, we're going.
A
I don't know anything about football. All I know is that Taylor Swift snuck in.
B
I'm shocked I didn't swipe left on my phone and see a million headlines about Taylor Swift.
A
Well, here's why. Because she snuck in in a box. Like how she used to go onto stage in her little mop box. Box. She snuck into the stadium.
B
That's cute. She didn't want to steal the attention from her husband.
A
I don't know if that was it or if she's hiding something.
B
Well. Oh. Everyone is saying, I did see. So I didn't see the headline, but I did see everyone posting, like, Taylor at the super bowl halftime show. Like, pregnant.
A
I don't think she's performing the halftime.
B
Show because she's pregnant.
A
Well, because it's not. She doesn't have enough control over the environment for it to be Taylor Swifty. Like, I honestly think if everybody's guessing it, it's not. Not the case.
B
They do big things at the super bowl show. The sets are always elaborate.
A
Yes, I agree, but I don't think she's doing it.
B
You think she'll just perform on New Heights podcast instead?
A
I don't know what she's gonna do, but I don't. I think it's the.
B
Well, her album's like, two and a half days away, so we'll find out soon.
A
Period. And also, here's what I think. I don't know. People are saying they don't think she's pregnant, but I do.
B
Yep.
A
Well, Travis cut. When Travis dad went on a show or whatever, and he was like. Like, you know, she was starting to get nervous about it, and Travis was really going to do it two weeks ago or two weeks from now.
B
She's a little bit too in her head about timelines, I think. I don't think she would, like, get pregnant out of wedlock. Is that what you call it?
A
Yeah, but that might have been an accident.
B
I know, but I just feel like she's a mastermind.
A
Well, so am I right now.
B
I know, but I feel like she has a little more control over everything.
A
I manifested a baby out of scratch. I didn't even have sex, and I got pregnant.
B
Isn't that crazy? It's my. Yeah, we know. We know where that baby came from. Today's podcast is sponsored by Rocket Money. A lot of people aren't actually aware of how many subscriptions they actually have and how much is going out of their account every single month. I was shocked to learn I had too many subscriptions that I was unaware of. But thanks to Rocket Money, that is no longer the case for me. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bill so so that you can grow your savings. I love Rocket Money because once you download the app, you can combine all of your finances in one place. It perfectly shows you everything you have going on, everything that's coming in versus everything that's going out. It tells you, like, oh, you have a bill coming up here. You can easily create a budget, which is incredible. It will automatically help you save. You'll get alerts if a bill increases in price, if there's unusual activity in your accounts, or if you're close to going over your budget. And it will even let you know when you're doing a great job. Rocket Money has over 5 million members and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year. When using all of the app's premium features. I love Rocket Money so much. I actually use this in my everyday life, and I actually spend less money solely because I'm aware of what's going out at all times. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, that's a big chunk. Where can I cut back? And then I look through the app, and I'm like, oh, this is exactly where I can cut back. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial. Go faster with Rocket money. Go to rocket money.com sip today. That's rocketmoney.com sip rocketmoney.com.
A
I'M so used to your Utah accent. Every time you say Bill, I'm like, is he saying it wrong? But you're. You're saying it right because everything's an ill. But when you say a thing that isn't ill, I think that it's wrong.
B
Now, how do I say your son's name?
A
Well, that's an ill. It's a bill.
B
I don't think I understand what you're saying.
A
You say Dill Bill.
B
Oh, right.
A
Emil.
B
Okay. Have. I hope you guys have fun. It's pretty devastating, huh? It feels like a breakup.
A
So what should we do?
B
Whatever you want. If you want to go to Cheesecake, that's fun.
A
Did Shane have any ideas?
B
I didn't ask him. He's not feeling well. Oh, he's really not feeling.
A
He's really not. What's going on? Like, more than just being like.
B
I think. I think it's more psychological than anything. Yeah, because I think he's panicking more than anything.
A
Tell him everyone's had it.
B
That's what I told him. And I was like, I don't itch.
A
You saying I don't itch is not comforting to a person.
B
I'm really not a good nurse. I'm not a good nurse.
A
Whatever.
C
This is.
A
Like, when Joe tries to comfort me, he's like, stop crying. I'm like, oh, okay. Wow.
B
Perfect solution.
A
You know what, baby? Thank you. Thank you.
B
Great tip.
A
Men are crazy.
B
Aren't we?
A
All right, where do you want to go for lunch, Chris?
B
Wherever you guys want. It's on the sip.
C
I mean, I'm down for anything, but Taco Bell has the cool ranch tacos back the Y2K thing for a little bit.
A
Oh, we're going to Taco Bell.
B
You are?
A
Yeah. Did you hear that?
C
We could have that delivered and do it here.
A
Let me look at my Taco Bell.
B
Yeah, you guys should go do something from these people.
A
Do you not hear what they're dealing with. They've got scissors on their hands and penises.
B
No, I'm kidding.
A
That's a different thing.
B
I'll show it to you to prove it. That I.
A
Your penis. Is it covered in lint?
B
What?
A
Like your butt crack?
B
No.
A
Okay, good. So some apart.
B
It is sweaty, though.
A
It's a million degrees out here.
B
Like, I just lifted that and I felt the moisture rise. I need to go get in the pool.
A
You felt the moisturize. I hate you. Also, I'm so sick of sitting out here without you having this properly tented.
C
What?
A
I want you to get one of those stupid.
B
What do you think this is? Those things just get bird all over. She's talking about above the pool. She wants a permanent shade solution. For above the pool?
A
Yeah. Am I wrong, Chris? That's why no one's in this pool. Because we're gonna die if you do.
B
The research and present me with an option.
A
I'm a house assistant.
B
Okay. If you assign her the job.
A
You think I have the authority to assign her a job? She scares the shit.
B
I'll ask. I will ask her to look into some options. Thank you. But if it makes my backyard. Oh, it's already hideous. Because that stupid pool fence. That saves lives. Thank you for our pool fence.
A
Thank you for our pool fence.
B
We love you, pool fence. I don't care how hideous you make my backyard. It is.
A
Boy, are you so ugly. So just throw it.
B
It really is ugly.
A
Throw a fucking tent up. Who cares? You've given it all away anyways.
B
Given it all away.
A
You've given up.
B
Giving up the aesthetics. I mean, look at us.
A
Look at us. We have no aesthetic anymore. Look at me. Me.
B
Look at me.
A
I can't hold myself up.
B
My shirt's tucked in. Okay. I hope you guys have fun.
A
Do you want us to, like, call you?
B
No.
A
Okay.
B
Nope. Okay. I'm gonna start editing this. Okay, we're cutting.
A
Bye.
C
I don't vlog. I'm not a vlogger.
A
Welcome to the vlog show. This is how we're vlogging. Oh, yeah. Wait, so we're gonna.
C
We still just ordering like Rylan does? That's cuz I always do the app.
A
I am a woman who's morally opposed to an app.
C
Really?
A
Yeah. Dude, I'm like an idiot. I can't do an app. I'm sitting in a car with no air on. I'm. I'm not doing the app. You know, we're doing the air too. Ryland's not here to Ruin our lives. It's. It's 98 degrees. I'm turning the air on. Oh, my God. Hi. Are you checking in with your app to earn rewards? I am not, unfortunately. Definitely. Hi, how are you today? Good, how are you? Yes. Can I please get the two Y2K box meals?
C
There are things that is not in the meal that's on the Y2K menu.
A
Can I order the entire Y2K menu? Can I just order the entire Y2K meal? Or, like, all everything on the Y2K menu? Oh, is this all the Y2K menu? Okay, sorry. It's in the bottom. Okay. Can I please get the decade y2k discovery? I have to order that online? Yes. Okay. Can I get the chili cheese burrito, the Cool Ranch Doritos Locos taco, the seven layer burrito, Two. Two of those. Okay. Two double decker tacos, two caramel apple empanadas, and then I'm going to order the Y2K meal on the app. Okay. You want to. Okay, thank you. Okay.
C
Thank you.
A
I'm sorry. Was that not fucking crazy? I have to. Oh, I'm gonna kill myself. So I have to order the Y2K box online, but I can get it from you. The discovery box? Yeah, that's my bad. Can I get the discovery box? Yeah. Thank you. Sorry about that. Okay. I knew that was crazy.
C
I know that wasn't your fault, but it was very stressful.
A
I could use a little support right now. Chris, I've been crying all day, and you forsaking me in my moment of need.
C
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was crazy. It was nuts.
A
The situation and then ruining my car. Like, I'm having a bad fucking day.
C
I'm sorry. We really can't do this without Riley.
B
Awesome.
C
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
A
Yeah, I mean, I'm fine with Rylan grinding his own tires.
C
Listen, you did it. I would have panicked and left. I would have driven away, drove in. What's the word?
A
I'm pregnant and sad and unhinged, and I don't think this is gonna go well for me in the comment section. But guess what? I also can't read anymore, so here we are.
C
Also, truly, thank you for doing that because, like, I couldn't.
A
I could have never done the drive through.
C
You're a much stronger person than me. I really do mean that, though. Like, there are many times in life and you've been there where, like, a thing was happening, and I was like, I can't even in this moment, stand up for myself, and you helped me so truly.
A
It is important that when trying to get 75 items from a Taco Bell just to do your 1. Your job during the day, you just get it done. Because no matter what, three o' clock's gonna come and someone's got to pick your baby up from school or they're gonna charge you. You're a mom. $30aminute for being late to.
C
Is it really.
A
Yes, it really is. What? Isn't that correza.
C
How is that a thing? That should be illegal.
A
Okay, so we have 95 things to try, and we each get one.
C
My God.
A
The pile stops with the empanada. So this front pile is you, this backpile is me. And you get the drink because you're a special boy.
C
What is it?
A
Even so there's something at the Taco Bell right now. It's orange.
C
I'll find a picture. Here it is. Okay. I love it so much. I love it so much more than I ever could have anticipated. It's like, do you know those Orange Dreams, Nicole? Like, yeah, it's exactly.
A
Oh, good. So they nailed it.
C
Are you an orange dreamsicle person?
A
No.
B
Oh, you would hate it.
A
But. But I'm glad that Taco Bell was able to nail something today. Do you know what I'm saying? Is this looking at us like we're crazy. You. Everybody's got to work, sir.
C
We're all working.
A
We're all working. It's Monday. Okay? The air is going up again. I'm too pregnant for a 100 degree car and no air.
C
Okay, wait, what are we doing first?
B
This one.
A
I picked up the seven layer bean dip one, I believe. Fun fact about me as a pregnant woman, I have been craving seven layer dip. So I've been making it for myself at home all the time.
C
I mean, that is one of my favorite things ever.
A
Are you sure you even got the right one? One?
C
No.
A
Squish it up a little bit. No, that's not the right one.
C
What's this one?
A
I don't know. Oh, that must be the chili cheese burrito.
B
Oh, how fun.
A
I'll wait for mine. Okay.
C
So have you been a Taco Bell girly your whole life?
A
Oh, my God, yes.
C
So have you tried these things at some point?
A
Yes.
C
Okay. Okay. Cuz I've had all of it.
A
Listen, cuz, I was gonna say I am old. Look at this. Oh, it's a cheesy.
B
My bowl.
A
Oh, it f s Sometimes.
C
I don't know. Like, I'm like, is it as good as it feels to me or is it nostalgia? Do you know what I mean?
A
It doesn't feel good, so that's crazy. But it tastes good.
C
That's what I meant. That's what I meant.
A
And honestly, if I wasn't aware of the fact that I'm 35 and pregnant and sober, I would think I was 16 and blackout drunk at home right now. Yeah.
C
Look at. Look at this. This is cra. This is great. This is like a Tommy's burger filling.
A
This is so good. Taco Bell. Bring it all back. You're being stupid. Okay. Okay. Now grab your seven layer of dip. Wait.
C
I love that so much. Oh, my God.
A
Well, I'm going to finish mine probably. Do you want me to hold the camera so you can rip? Yes, rip, tear.
B
Ooh.
C
I've never done this to a taco. Oh, this feels crazy.
A
Damn, you being nasty Chris again.
C
This is like my everything I love in life.
A
Oh. The only thing that it's missing, black olives. And I know that people might think that that's crazy. What? But I'm the type of hoe who puts a sliced black olive.
C
This is great.
A
I'm the type of girl who puts a sliced black olive on her seven layer dip.
C
I've never thought to do such a thing, but I'm not opposed to trying.
A
It's great. Does not hold a flame to the chili cheese. It's like starting with the chili cheese ruined every other option.
C
It is definitely good, but you're right. I'm just. I also love cheese. The more cheese, the better. And that last one was all cheese.
A
Wait, you said they had cool ranch Doritos with those tacos. Mm. They gave us nacho.
C
What?
A
If that doesn't make you wanna lose your mind, I don't know how to galvanize the army.
C
I apologize for the camera work. There's so much happening I'm not usually holding the camera. Also show you I needed more of the chili cheese.
A
Yeah, because the seven layer bad.
C
It's fine. But this is so much better.
A
Yeah, agreed.
C
Drastically.
A
Well, they fucked us and didn't give us the cool ranch.
C
I could cry. That's the main thing I wanted.
A
I could. I could rage. People want to see you stuff that burrito in your lips. Yep. Yes. Yes. Give it to them.
C
The chili cheese is so good. It's so good.
A
It's so good. Okay, here, you get this. I believe it's a. A bean and tortilla wrapped regular taco.
C
Oh, is this the double decker? Yeah. I Think it was the double decker.
A
I thought the double decker used to be like melted cheese on the inside. Or has it always been beans? I don't know.
C
I think maybe that was not. I don't know.
A
Really reminds me of the Audis.
C
Oh, no. Now I got on my phone. This is such a nightmare.
A
Get hinged Chris. I don't like beans.
C
I like this.
A
You do?
C
I do.
A
You like the beans?
C
It's way more flavorful than the burrito.
A
I feel like beans detract. It's like when you have a group of. Of three people and suddenly it's a group of six. You know what I mean? But it was. You had the perfect rotation going.
C
I see. I see.
A
And sure, the new three are cute and funny, but your rotation is definitely different.
C
I think I'm sick because I'll get the pintos and cheese. Get a side of pintos and cheese and get like a hard shell taco and dunk it in the pintos and cheese because I like beans so much. This was good. Look, I'd say get this one. I'm a fan.
A
Catch me shoving that chili cheese in my hoo. Ha. It's sexual something that. I love this little thing of nacho cheese.
C
Oh, that is the best thing.
A
Full of the C word.
B
Love it.
C
What?
A
Okay, wait. We got another Doritos Locos taco. Do you think it's the ranch one?
C
I hope so.
A
It's the ranch.
C
No way.
A
Let's go get hinged Chris.
C
Wait, should we break it or is it two?
A
That's all you. That's all you. It's a regular taco. No, no, no.
C
Are you sure?
A
Yeah.
C
Can I put this here or is this not good?
A
That's great. Do you want to balance it on a baby book?
C
Yeah.
A
Here.
C
Oh, no. Thank you so much. Stay. Please, God, please.
A
Oh, no.
C
Oh, no. I stopped recording.
A
This is not happening. No, you're recording now.
C
Can you hold this for one second?
A
Yeah.
C
Thank you.
A
It's so heavy.
C
It was not meant to be vlogged on. That was my bad.
A
Why did you get such a big vlog camera?
C
I don't vlog on it.
A
It's like you're overcompensating for a small penis. Stop.
C
They don't need to know. I'm a grower. Cool Ranch was one of my favorites forever. I was so sad when it was gone.
A
Why does it go away?
B
I don't know.
C
I don't know why they do that to us.
A
Because I love the Cool Ranch. I just can't Handle it because of the dyes.
C
I haven't had it in forever though. So now I'm like.
A
Like.
C
Am I just remembering it better than it was?
A
No, I'm sure it's great. I can taste the tang and I'm not even part of it. Did you sneak off camera for that bite? I don't know.
C
I didn't mean to.
A
You get in frame when you bite that thing.
C
No, I was remembering.
B
Right.
A
It's good as.
C
It's so good. Yeah, it's so. I just love like a ton of flavor. And you get like a. Your mouth gets kicked with flavor. You know what I'm saying? Kicked in the mouth with flavor.
A
Like a horse ran by and kicked you on his way out.
C
Be donkey punched with flavor.
A
With tank. With a little tang.
C
No, it's so good. Please just let it stay this time.
A
Storm. Taco Bells demand they return the ranch taco for our friend Chris. He's living for this. Oh my God. Look at him.
C
It's so good.
A
It's the best day of his life. It's having the best day of my life.
C
Is it my birthday?
A
Is it not? I thought it was.
B
Wow.
A
Every special day for a Jew.
C
I thought I was for a long time. We've talked about this.
A
That you thought you were Jewish. Yeah. Because all your friends were Jewish.
B
Yeah, When I was younger.
A
Yeah.
C
And then I had to learn it was the only one that wasn't.
A
And that you're German, which was a crazy plot twist. Yeah.
C
Really disappointing.
A
I'm so sorry. I also didn't realize that I wasn't Jewish.
C
You too thought.
A
Yeah. Wow, that camera is so fucking heavy. It's heavier than my child. It's really not like 26 pounds.
C
Really not meant to be vlogged on.
A
I'm learning right now splitting this Crunchwrap Supreme. In high school, we used to call each other C U N T Wrap Supremes.
C
Thank you so much.
A
Where did that one hot sauce go? Every Crunchwrap Supreme's a special Supreme Foraging. I don't think these are kosher. But that's okay because I'm not Jewish. It is funny though, because I can't send my kid to school with anything that's not kosher.
C
Oh really?
A
So I'm learning a lot.
C
I. I feel like everyone I know that was kosher would constantly break the rules.
A
It's very hard.
C
Like they'd be like, no, I can't have that one thing cuz it's kosher. But then we'd have a pizza that's clearly not kosher. And they're like that, like pepperoni, that's fine. And they'll eat that.
B
You know what I mean?
A
It's like. Just say you don't like shrimp.
C
I like this a lot. But I like the regular crunch wrap more.
A
Not. I said the fly.
C
Really? You like this one more?
A
You know why? Why the nacho cheese?
B
Oh.
C
When I get a regular crunchwrap, I do extra nacho cheese normally.
A
Mm.
C
So that's. That makes sense.
A
If I had a dick, I'd be fucking nacho cheese for the rest of my life. Do you know what I mean? Mm. What would you fuck for the rest of your life? That's a food item.
C
If I had a dick.
A
Yeah. I don't know.
C
I have so many things stuck on my cheek.
A
A lobster.
C
Oh, I do love. That's one thing we agree on. I love lobster so much, I could eat that all the time. I wish it wasn't a billion dollars.
A
When I was little, at the Ideal Bar and Grill, which is close to the Santa Cruz Wharf that fell into the ocean. I don't know what's replaced it, but Ideal Bar and Grill on Thursday nights was lobster night. And you used to be able to get a lobster dinner for, like, 19.95 or something, and it hit.
C
Is that place heaven?
A
Yeah, it's called Ideal Bar and Grill. What do you think? Oh, man. Oh, man. Okay.
C
It's good, too. I love it all. I love Taco Bell. I'm. I just love Taco Bell. I am a fanboy, honestly.
A
Me too. Okay. This is for you.
C
What is this?
A
This is the caramel apple empanada.
C
You don't want to rip.
A
You don't want to buy it. I got one for myself, but it's like, you know, I don't want it. I'll film you eating your empanada.
C
Thank you.
B
Thank you.
A
Look. What?
C
Look at my.
B
Okay.
C
I also remember these being amazing.
A
Yeah.
C
I also was really sad when these went away. So these are all my childhood things coming back.
A
Guess what, Chris, There's a second one with your name on it.
C
I'm just. I'm so happy. Thank you.
A
Happy birthday to you. To you. Pull out your penis and have sex with that empanada.
C
The crunch on the outside, the soft. It's like, listen.
A
Yeah, do it again. Oh.
C
Oh, it's so good.
A
Yeah.
C
It goes so hard.
A
Should I have a bite of the other one? Am I fucking up?
C
It's just good. It's really good. If you like caramel.
A
Caramel.
C
What's the right way to say it.
A
Caramel. Listen, it's like the name Carolyn or Caroline, you know, you're never gonna win.
C
This is so. It's. This is actually better than I remember.
A
Really?
C
I remembered it being, like, good.
A
Yeah.
C
Like, pretty good. I think I look forward to. This is incredible. I think they made that better.
A
It's from the past.
C
Yeah.
A
Okay. There's nothing. There's nothing cool left. Where did the rest of my chili thing go? Oh, good. It's still in my cooch period.
C
I. I love it. Someone was saying in the live stream that the Y2K menu sucked. And I don't agree.
A
I said it was mid. It's so mid. Why is my vagina dripping wet? Did my water break? Or am I hop for Y2K?
C
Explain that.
A
Riddle me that. But don't riddle me, because riddles enrage me. And I'm already. I'm in a tender space.
C
So it's really good. Don't order it in person.
A
Do not order it in person. Use the app. We are done. We will never order anything in person again. Chris, I swear to God, I am a woman who's morally opposed to an app.
C
Really? And the reason I learned about the Taco Bell I map is because Shane was in the commercial for it.
A
What?
C
Yeah. Did you ever see that way back in the day?
A
No.
C
Shane starred in a commercial and he told me he had to, like, they did a billion takes, and he had to bite, like, many, many, many tacos and spit it out.
A
I think.
C
I don't remember.
A
The new way to Taco Bell is.
C
Only in the end, but maybe that's not true. I don't want to say that.
A
Shane was also almost in Scream 4.
C
Yes, I do know that. That's crazy.
A
This guy has so many secrets.
C
He's a literal legend.
A
And with that, and with that, Ryland usually does the goodbye. Oh, no. But Chris has a YouTube channel. Ryland has a YouTube channel. I have a YouTube channel. We're all there. We're all vlogging. Check us out.
C
Most importantly, spam the account of American High.
A
Go to the American High Instagram account and say, we want to see a Cock A Doodle Christmas starring Ryland Adams and Lizzie Gordon. And if you don't do it, we will break your house. We will break it, and it is crazy.
C
In, like, seconds, there was 80 comments. There was a live stream. And in the live stream, because I had already commented, because this was all.
A
Happening, Chris commented live, I thought, oh, no, it's sad that there's just a comment. And then they hid his comment.
C
And then you live streamed and told our people to break people's bones.
A
What happened? I said harass and bully.
C
Right, right, right, right, right, right.
A
But that's, you know, a joke. The hinged businesswoman who just cracked and.
C
Wrote hard for you. They like very quickly commented, honestly, thank.
A
God because I have heartburn and I'm dying and I let's see if I'm gonna pick my kid up on time. Oh no, let me see.
C
Wait, what time do you have to.
A
I have to be there at 3. How do I do this?
C
Just. Okay, that's too, it's too confusing.
A
Let's see.
C
See, for someone who can't do an.
B
App, how do you do that?
A
It's taken years. I can get there on time.
C
Okay, bye.
A
And that's the sip.
Release Date: September 17, 2025
This episode of The Sip finds Ryland and Lizze recording an unfiltered, chaotic backyard “campout” edition during a week filled with personal challenges, family illness, and emotional lows. The co-hosts dive into stories of parenting woes (including a suspected hand, foot, and mouth outbreak), the bittersweet realities of life and loss, and, most memorably, embark on an exuberant taste test of Taco Bell’s most viral, nostalgic, and recently re-released Y2K menu items. Listeners are also enlisted as a “mob” in the duo’s ongoing campaign to get their Christmas movie script produced.
The tone is honest, supportive, hilarious, and—on this particularly hard week—surprisingly cathartic, with the Taco Bell taste test bringing some much-needed joy to the group.
[01:40-05:00] Ryland details his family’s mysterious illnesses and the stress of parenting while trying to keep his household “hermetically sealed” from the world.
[04:46-05:15] Diagnosis drama culminates with Shane, Ryland’s partner, waking up with a rash. They ultimately suspect hand, foot, and mouth disease (HFMD):
Lizze and Chris head to Taco Bell for a tour-de-force of viral, nostalgic menu items, banter about the drive-thru experience, and detailed, sometimes chaotic reviews:
This episode of The Sip is messy, brave, wildly funny, and unexpectedly moving. Through the chaos of sick kids, emotional lows, and the perpetual search for comfort (sometimes in the bottom of a Taco Bell bag), Ryland, Lizze, and Chris show up for each other—and for listeners—with both pain and joy. Their friendship, resilience, and ability to ask for—and spark—a little public “mob” support is as infectious as Lizze’s love for Cool Ranch tacos.
For the full Y2K Taco Bell Taste Test, skip to:
[48:24] – [64:32]
Outro:
As always, if you want Ryland & Lizze’s R-rated Christmas movie to get made (and want viral Taco Bell favorites to stay for good), let your voices be heard!