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Lizzie
Dealing with post nasal drip. You don't know trauma.
Ryland
I'm sorry to take away from that. I'm gonna have to have a discussion with management.
Lizzie
Yeah, I'm so fucking itchy sitting next to your sick ass, I can't even stand it.
Chris
Why are you in an emergency room?
Ryland
What happened? I predicted that exact reaction. What?
Lizzie
Well, this might be a problematic.
Ryland
Okay, then don't.
Lizzie
I'm gonna just say it. He tried to kill me. After that, if there's someone that I want to upset, I will upset them. Stop pressuring me with that M mic.
Chris
Well, they do work well.
Ryland
What if you say something funny and they can't hear you because you're not mic'd?
Lizzie
Well, you're not even holding it close enough to me too. There we go.
Ryland
See, I. We had. We're. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the podcast shed where it all began five short years ago. Half. Half of my relationship with Shane.
Lizzie
Low key. It has been short, huh?
Ryland
You are. Whatever.
Lizzie
I give up.
Ryland
Yeah, okay, thanks. That was like a big workout to.
Lizzie
Speaking of workouts, I've started doing slight movements.
Ryland
Oh, I forgot to cut on the after sip.
Lizzie
Cut on that.
Ryland
Oops. Goodbye, girls. A little overlap if you haven't. Oh, this is right up top. It could start some drama. But we do have a lot of fun on the Patreon. And you get a vlog every single week from the three of us girls.
Lizzie
You sure do.
Ryland
Chugger chat. Lots of fun. You don't have to join. No pressure, but it's there. I only say that because I was recording the after sip and it's important
Lizzie
that the people know where they can
Ryland
come to get more.
Lizzie
Yeah, it's a nice community.
Ryland
If you didn't get enough of us screaming here, you can go there.
Lizzie
And we scream louder.
Ryland
Louder. Harder. Heavier. Uncensored.
Lizzie
Uncensored. Af.
Ryland
So we're back.
Lizzie
We're back.
Ryland
Half of Shane and I's relationship, we've been together. You and I.
Lizzie
Why are you saying that?
Ryland
Well, because next week. I don't. I'm talking about this prematurely, but next week is Shane and I's 10 year anniversary.
Lizzie
Oh my goodness.
Ryland
So when I'm saying five years, I'm realizing that's half.
Lizzie
Yeah, that seems crazy, isn't it? It seems like such a short amount of time.
Ryland
Are we closer than we've ever been? Like in proximity?
Lizzie
Probably.
Ryland
I'm uncomfortable.
Lizzie
For real.
Ryland
Well, I don't. Should we get closer? I love you.
Lizzie
Something about having a second baby and being postpartum again is making me really affectionate really?
Ryland
Because I have been never more offended by you.
Lizzie
Calm down.
Ryland
This show. This show starts on Sunday nights when we start planning. Uh huh. It's what Chris looks forward to every week.
Lizzie
Our little fight in the chat.
Ryland
And you gave us nothing. Silence. Silence in the chat. I was like, hey, we're back to where it all began. Just like the Laguna beach reunion and crickets from Lizzie. Chris is like, yay, see you there. Nothing. Lizzie's just MIA this morning I say, I sent Krispy Kreme to your house because it's too far to be delivered to my house. Crickets?
Lizzie
No. I said, I'm gonna be late.
Ryland
And I was like, but it's coming early and that's it. And then I kept saying, like, Monday, Monday. A reference to our favorite McDonald's employee. Nothing. And then I was like, I'm tracking her. She's still at home. Nothing. Chris, are you picking her up? Again?
Lizzie
Nothing.
Ryland
I'm like, this silence is truly turning into violence. What did you have against me this morning?
Lizzie
I don't know. I was just busy. I don't know what to say because I'm trying to do like I've told everybody every week. I feel like I'm doing sleep coaching light with Ernie. And so when he goes down for a nap, it's like a. Like it's a nail biting time because
Ryland
you don't know if it will happen or not.
Lizzie
Yeah. Oh, it's terrifying. So I'm either gonna be trapped in darkness for a couple of hours or it's gonna go well. Or he's gonna go well for a minute and then it's not gonna go well much longer than a minute. It's so.
Ryland
It's.
Lizzie
And all my makeup was this morning. All my makeup was in my bathroom, which is in my room, so I couldn't get ready.
Ryland
Right.
Lizzie
There's just a lot.
Ryland
Okay.
Lizzie
And last night you were texting during bedtime.
Ryland
Right.
Lizzie
So I'm, you know, nursing a newborn and nursing a 15 year old and, and, and husband. And my husband's nursing and I'm nursing my dogs and it's a lot of people nursing. It's. And I'm. And I'm so hungry. I'm so, so hungry.
Ryland
Do you want to just rip into one of the Krispy Kremes?
Lizzie
No, I don't think I can have the Krispy Kreme.
Ryland
Because you're dairy free. Because Ernie's trying to ruin your life.
Lizzie
I'm trying. Dairy and soy now because I had soy. I had soy sauce for the first time. Like, a large quantity of soy sauce for the first time.
Ryland
You were chugging it, like, shots low.
Lizzie
And I. That reminds me of a story from when I was an alcoholic.
Ryland
Do you want to take us there?
Lizzie
Do you want to know?
Ryland
I mean, sure I do, actually.
Lizzie
So I've always been one to, like, push the buttons, you know what I mean? Especially when drinking. If there's someone that I want to upset, I will upset them. So I was, like, in high school, and my friend's little sister Brittany was drinking with us, which is probably not good, but we were. We've all okay since growing up and decided we all shouldn't be taking any kind of substances.
Ryland
We were all 21 there.
Lizzie
We were all of age. And this guy that Brittany was with was like an A hole. Did I already swear? I'm trying not to swear within the first. Whatever minutes.
Ryland
I don't think it matters anymore. I accidentally left an F word in the teaser the other week, and no demonetization.
Lizzie
Okay.
Ryland
So I think YouTube really did pull back their restrictions, but still don't say the C word. I wouldn't risk it. Okay, that's not something I'm trying to risk yet.
Lizzie
So this guy was a real asshole, and he was being an asshole all night, and I decided that I was gonna get crazy, and I took our chaser downstairs and poured out the coke in it and filled it up with soy sauce,
Ryland
and then I came. You are vindictive.
Lizzie
Yes, I am. And so then when I went up, I came back to the.
Ryland
Do you do that kind of shit to your husband?
Lizzie
The only time I've ever done something like that to Joe is when he was in the bathtub and thought he was alone. And I waited after he thought I left, and I scared him.
Ryland
And that was more of a prank than being like, well, this is a prank too.
Lizzie
This was a prank too. He was just an accident. He was an who deserved a prank. You know what I mean? And so then I was like, let's take a shot. And so, like, I threw back a shot, and I picked up the coke can, and I pretend to chase with it, and then I put it down, and then he took it and took a big.
Ryland
It's like how you roofie someone successfully.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
Yeah.
Lizzie
It's a similar method.
Ryland
You're doing it.
Lizzie
It's a similar method.
Ryland
They'll do it.
Lizzie
It's like, this is safe. You lead a person into thinking they're safe.
Ryland
When my kid won't eat their food, I'm like, daddy eats it. You should eat it.
Lizzie
Yep, I got that. Good. He tried to kill me after that. Which honestly, I get. We were very drunk.
Ryland
Well, that felt like a good title.
Lizzie
Yeah, he tried to kill me after that. Oh, my God. That's the title of my autobiography. And then he tried to kill me.
Ryland
And what was this person you're talking about? Every chapter is a new person you've pissed off
Lizzie
that I'm just innocently pranked that I just had a little fun with.
Ryland
You are special. So how did he.
Lizzie
How do I have so many friends now? We need.
Ryland
It's crazy. It's crazy, you guys. I think because you're good at. You're good at maintaining contact and pranks and following up.
Lizzie
They love the pranks.
Ryland
Like, I think that's a specialty of yours is being able to manage a lot of incoming inquiries. Yeah, I like have you. And I can barely manage that.
Lizzie
I've decided to pull back on that though. Now only VIPs get my concern and consideration.
Ryland
Okay. And how many people are on that list?
Lizzie
It's got to get shorter.
Ryland
Oh, wow. We're cutting.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
Okay.
Lizzie
I would say that there are like. And honestly, there's. There's like an open slot that. That's like a revolving.
Ryland
Oh, there's always room for somebody new.
Lizzie
No. Oh, it's just a revolving slot for those in need. It's like a charitable position.
Ryland
Okay.
Lizzie
Because not everybody needs an up to date 100 of the time. But I would say there's about four people that get that 100 of the time spot. And then there's that fifth spot where it's like if for those in need.
Ryland
Okay, I got it.
Lizzie
A philanthropic spot.
Ryland
So how did he try to kill you?
Lizzie
Oh, he just came at me. It was like a. Oh.
Ryland
The second the soy hit the mouth
Lizzie
and the laughter hit. And then he knew that he had been conned into a false sense of security and pranks. Real good.
Ryland
How did we get here?
Lizzie
Soy.
Ryland
Oh, you can't have.
Lizzie
So I had a bunch of soy
Ryland
sauce because I. Chugging it.
Lizzie
Chugging it. And in a pranking way. No, I was eating. It doesn't matter.
Ryland
Tell us. You might as well.
Lizzie
I was eating artichokes and I make this.
Ryland
How are you doing that?
Lizzie
Better than you. Do you remember how this guy eats an artichoke? It's the craziest thing I've ever.
Ryland
And when.
Lizzie
It's like watching a cat walk in socks.
Ryland
When that is perfect.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
Wow. You are my best friend.
Lizzie
That is how I was the weirdest thing I'VE ever seen. And you were so happy.
Ryland
So we went to, like, you know, Restoration Hardware, like, bougie furniture store. Well, they have, like, dining experiences at some of their showrooms.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
So when we were in Montecito recently, we went to check it out because I had never been to one. They had fried artichokes.
Lizzie
Oh, I love those.
Ryland
But they fried the part that you can't eat either, so you can just
Lizzie
go to town on that.
Ryland
And I asked Chatgpt in the moment. I was like. Because I. Shane was like, it's like we're eating dead moths because they were fried, like, to obliterate. And they were just, like, flailing. But there were parts that really didn't taste like they should be being consumed. And then it flashbacked to me and you and Chris sitting at that fish grill and me being a cat walking in socks, trying to figure out how to eat artichokes. And I love the taste of artichokes, but I just can't figure them out.
Lizzie
I'd love to help you. I would love to help you, but
Ryland
I've been with you. You've been in my presence, trying to get you.
Lizzie
We showed you. Like, it was really weird. It was a really weird. Like, if Ellen Keller can learn to read and talk, you should be able to do an artichoke.
Ryland
You know, I would hope so. Yet here I am. Okay, so you were eating those fried artichokes.
Lizzie
No, they weren't fried. They were steamed. But I make this sauce that I call. Well, this might be problematic.
Ryland
Okay, then don't.
Lizzie
I'm going to just say it.
Ryland
Censor yourself.
Lizzie
I call it prison sauce.
Ryland
Why is that problematic? Because they have to be resourceful in prison to make something delicious. Right.
Lizzie
That's how I feel about it.
Ryland
So I would like to know what's problematic about that.
Lizzie
I don't know, like. And if it feels like I'm appropriating prison culture as a woman who's, like, only been to juvie and like a whole.
Ryland
They've done something bad if they're in prison. Right. Well, not everyone.
Lizzie
Does that mean that they still.
Ryland
Prison reform.
Lizzie
Cultural appropriation. I don't know. I'm joking. I'm talking about prison.
Ryland
I was thinking Kim Kardashian say about her prison reform and her prison sauce. Like, how would she react?
Lizzie
She probably liked my prison sauce.
Ryland
Okay, well, what's inside? Soy sauce. Obviously.
Lizzie
Soy sauce is in it. Mayonnaise is in it. Tapatio is in it. Sometimes a little drizzle of wiestershire sauce.
Ryland
Okay. Interesting.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
You've done a plot twist with the Worcestershire sauce.
Lizzie
And then when I cook the artichoke, I steam it with a butler.
Ryland
You just in your kitchen making food for your whole family all the time?
Lizzie
No.
Ryland
Oh, okay.
Lizzie
I. I buy a Costco pack of artichokes, and then I steam all of them at once, and then I eat them cold throughout the week.
Ryland
I saw this post on Instagram that was saying what you can get for $100 at Walmart, Costco is officially cheaper. Yeah. $79.
Lizzie
And you can get so much for
Ryland
what you can get at Walmart. And I do hate on Walmart a lot. I don't know why Walmart's my algorithm this week, but it has been. And a lot of people are saying no. I've lived in California before, too, and the Walmar are oddly horrific there.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
California, Walmart country. They're. They actually, like, hit. Right?
Lizzie
I went to a Walmart in Oklahoma. Stunning. I. The Walmart in Burbank is like one of the layers of hell. And I have never been so irritated in my entire life. When you get in there, they have crazy music playing. It's like for the Navy seals. They do this training exercise to see how much torture you can withstand. And one of them is being in a horribly lit room for, like, five days with bad music playing. That. Is that for real right now? Yeah. Swear to God. That is Walmart. Horrible white lighting. Kind of like this.
Ryland
This is aggressive right now. And Chris Waltz is dead.
Lizzie
Organ plane. Like organs. Like organs playing tunes that you recognize, kind of. But it's hard to place because it's an organ. And then you get in there, and it's just busy as hell. It's like. It's like the busiest place I've ever been in my life where nobody is actually buying anything and everything is broken and whatever you're looking for, it's not here. But they've got something kind of like it. Disgusting.
Ryland
Walmart.
Lizzie
Walmart. So I had a bunch of soy sauce and noticed that my baby was spitting up profusely. So I was like, maybe he has, like, a soy allergy instead of a dairy allergy. But I guess soy and dairy have. Are a similar type of protein breakdown. Oh. Oh. Did you get it?
Ryland
We're in the wilderness.
Lizzie
Did you get it?
Ryland
Which is why I was dying.
Lizzie
Did you get it?
Ryland
I would like to see.
Lizzie
Is the threat still looming large?
Ryland
It's still looming. Are you guys enjoying this vibe?
Lizzie
It's making me itchy.
Ryland
I've Been itchy.
Lizzie
The vibe is itchy out here.
Ryland
We're in the middle of the mountains where everything's blowing and blooming.
Lizzie
What are we doing here exactly?
Ryland
Well, I did take Shane house hunting on the east side because I was like, maybe that will say east side. Don't talk to me about it right now.
Lizzie
I will not go to the east side.
Ryland
Spencer predicted that. I love that he predicted that exact reaction. He literally said, lizzie is going to. And I was like, no, she's fine. She just hates the west side.
Lizzie
No, I hate anything that's not the Valley. If you're like. If you're like, I'm coming.
Ryland
It's valley adjacent. It's 10 minutes from the zoo.
Lizzie
I don't.
Ryland
That's not where you.
Lizzie
Girl, that's not Valley adjacent.
Ryland
I mean, it's within the.
Lizzie
It's. No.
Ryland
Okay, whatever. We'll talk about this.
Lizzie
It's like, an hour the fuck away. You want to go somewhere with even less parking and skinnier streets?
Ryland
It's 30. It's the exact same distance from you to here.
Lizzie
Yeah, but it's awful over there. It's awful over there. That's a. That's a town for someone who's like, I love New York City.
Ryland
Well, you don't know what neighborhood I'm talking about.
Lizzie
What neighborhood are you talking about?
Ryland
What neighborhood are you talking about?
Lizzie
All of the east side. All of it.
Ryland
Because, like, yes. I then went to dinner in Echo park and that.
Lizzie
No, why were you over there?
Ryland
Because I took Shane to a house.
Lizzie
You literally went to the east side.
Ryland
I feel like.
Lizzie
I mean, do whatever you want to do, but, like, no, you couldn't handle that.
Ryland
No, no, no. Silver Lake, Echo Park. Those aren't for me.
Lizzie
No. So where were you?
Ryland
It's in the middle of Glendale and Pasadena, which is called Eagle Rock.
Lizzie
Eagle Rock.
Ryland
Yes.
Lizzie
Okay. I've heard of it.
Ryland
I won't be moving there.
Lizzie
Thank God. So why are you even doing this to me right now? On air in front of everyone, making me look like an asshole?
Ryland
Because I'm just saying, like, yes, there's a. There's an immediate threat of fires, and my allergies are killing me.
Lizzie
Yeah, there's an immediate threat of fires over there, too. That's where the other fires were.
Ryland
That's a little higher. No, this is like, me being where you are in juxt. Whatever this is. The geography of Los Angeles is only interesting to, like, a very few.
Lizzie
Just come back to Sherman Oaks, girl.
Ryland
No, I hate it there.
Lizzie
What are you gonna do on the east side.
Ryland
I'm not. Is the point.
Lizzie
Okay, good. Now that. That's settled.
Ryland
But it was a beautiful home.
Lizzie
Okay, I'd love to see it.
Ryland
I'll show it to you.
Lizzie
Was it, like, on a busy street?
Ryland
No, it's. That is something I liked about it. It's. It was very private, but it's in a community. Like, you can. It's walkable. I could walk to some restaurants with my kids. I could have Halloween. People would see my Christmas decorations. Like, I love that we're secluded out here, and that provides so many wonderful things for us. But I would also sometimes see.
Lizzie
I don't know if you'd like to be accessible.
Ryland
Yes. Without being too accessible, if that makes sense.
Lizzie
Well, send me the listing. If it's cool, it's cool.
Ryland
I mean, it's definitely cool.
Lizzie
But is it, like, cool? Because that's what the east side thinks it is. And I hate that vibe. Do you know what I mean?
Ryland
I know what you mean.
Lizzie
It's like, no, we're cool. It's like we go to thrift stores and we pay top notch for things that have been used and they smell.
Ryland
That's more like Silver Lake and Echo park, where you cannot find parking.
Lizzie
It's not. Not Eagle Rock. Eagle Rock is full of, like. That's, like, where Beige mom originated and then spread, like, forgive the term wildfire. And then got. Then. Then, you know, Eagle Rock moms got appropriated, and now they're across America. Target moms. And that's kind of the vibe of Eagle Rock, you know what I mean? Like, you're not that cool if Target's going to appropriate you.
Ryland
And they are a little cooler than me. And I have to say, like, I am.
Lizzie
They're not, though. Have a conversation with them. Just because they're wearing shoes they made themselves out of leather that they fucking tanned in their own backyards does not make them cooler than you.
Ryland
Okay, I will.
Lizzie
Because they hated doing it. At my heart, they're not happy. They did that for you to be like, oh, cool shoes. Where did you get them? So they could be like, oh, we're actually urban farmers, and I've got a bunch of rabbits in my backyard, and we live off of rabbit meat. It's kind of gnarly. But me and my children murder rabbits every Sunday so that we can have them for Sunday meals. And that's how we learn to just live off the land while living in an urban space.
Ryland
I hear what you're saying.
Lizzie
I hate them.
Ryland
I hear what you're saying.
Lizzie
And guess what their kids are named.
Ryland
True to me.
Lizzie
No, just guess. It's river and ocean.
Ryland
No, no, no.
Lizzie
It's river and ocean.
Ryland
That's almost more Malibu.
Lizzie
No, it's. It's a problematic, like, universal asshole situation.
Ryland
I feel like east side. It's. We're more like. Like, they're probably going. Is like, on the nose is Silver.
Lizzie
No, they're all Everett's and Owens.
Ryland
No.
Lizzie
Oh, it's girls named Bowie. It's girls named Bowie. And it's. You know why? Because they freaking love David Bowie. And it's like, okay, dude.
Ryland
Okay, okay.
Lizzie
I named my kid after my dog, so I'm an asshole, too. But that's why I can call it like I see it, because I am it.
Ryland
You're lucky. I can't. I have to have a calm body. Like my nanny says to my children, calm body, calm body.
Lizzie
Maybe I should have a calm body.
Ryland
I have to have a calm body today because I lost my voice after the sip last week. For the entire week. Because I screamed so loud after having this harshness.
Lizzie
You didn't fully lose it. We talked on the phone. I could hear you.
Ryland
No, that next morning you were.
Lizzie
Okay. Oh, after we chatted.
Ryland
No, that's when it was starting to come back. That was a day and a half later.
Lizzie
Okay.
Ryland
No, I hear you. And we. I, like, I did vlog this. And, like, we're not. We don't want to move, but if we were to move, there are a few things that I would like if I'm being crazy. Like a laundry room, a third car garage.
Lizzie
Well, your hobby is also real estate. Checking outage.
Ryland
Yes. So I finally. This house was just something that, like, peaked both Shane and I's interest. So we were like, let's go flirt with the idea.
Lizzie
I'll go wherever you are.
Ryland
Thank you.
Lizzie
Which is annoying if it's the aside.
Ryland
Okay.
Lizzie
I love coming here.
Ryland
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Lizzie
Thank you so much, seatgeek.
Ryland
Thank you so much.
Lizzie
And we do be using you out in these streets.
Ryland
We really genuinely do. Yeah. Be using you out in these streets. Yeah. Okay, back to the show. So you want to talk about how my life in the fun lane continues?
Lizzie
Oh, my God. You're in the fun lane.
Ryland
My life couldn't be more fun.
Lizzie
Ooh.
Chris
Ah.
Lizzie
You see over there, my life be like.
Ryland
So first, if you remember, I had the earth infection.
Lizzie
Infection, yeah.
Ryland
That healed. Then I was dying by whatever was blooming in the Santa Ana winds.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
Dying, yeah.
Lizzie
Super similar to, you know, my family having neurovirus.
Ryland
She keeps saying that. And it's like this is two. Literally two weeks at this point, and not one person in my house, not my nanny, not my husband, not my children have gotten it. I know that it's not something that is spreadable, but it is an adversity
Lizzie
that you must overcome.
Ryland
And I'm still over I. Right now I'm in pain management. I would say I have one of those, like, I got one of those, like, humidifiers that you put directly to your mouth. And I'm doing that every morning. A little vapor thing, saline rinses. I'm doing, like, a prescribed pill that has stopped the post nasal drip. I'm on Allegra. Like, you know, it's an extra 30 minutes. Morning.
Lizzie
Oh, my God.
Ryland
To feel like I'm not dying.
Lizzie
That's crazy.
Ryland
I know. So I got this under control. No more post nasal drip. I'm dipping and doing it. My voice is starting to come back, and out pops a rash all over my legs. No, I know they're covered right now. Just because I knew you were gonna be wild.
Lizzie
Let me see.
Ryland
And so it's.
Lizzie
No, you gotta let me see.
Ryland
Itchy. It's Bernie.
Lizzie
Is it oak? Is it poison oak? I think so what the fuck am I doing here?
Ryland
I think it's a myth that it spreads.
Lizzie
That is not true.
Ryland
It doesn't spread unless the oil is on you currently. Like, after you have.
Lizzie
I was sitting on a chair you sat on this morning.
Ryland
No, here's the thing, girl.
Lizzie
If I get poison oak, death to you.
Ryland
Listen to.
Lizzie
Literally death to you.
Ryland
Okay, well, it could be that or something called Chig bugs, I guess. It's like, things that exist on plants that will, like, bite. They don't burrow in your skin, but they bite and leave patches. And by the time the patches show up, they're already.
Lizzie
I feel overly exposed sitting beside a person who could have chick bugs or fucking poison oak. Are you joking?
Ryland
I know, I know, I know.
Lizzie
Can you imagine, Chris, if one of us showed up with Chicago poison oak? What this bitch would be like to us? Can you imagine how insufferable and awful he would be?
Ryland
I'm covered. Look it. I have long socks, pants, covering. I'm not getting. I just showered before you guys showed up.
Lizzie
I'm so fudgeing itchy sitting next to your sick ass. I can't even stand it. And my throat is starting to feel like it's closing up. So now, like, I caught the post nasal drip.
Ryland
This is teetering the line of, like, when you tell me your son's sick and I don't ask if he's okay before, I'm like, don't come anywhere near.
Lizzie
Well, that's why I'm like this right now.
Ryland
So maybe you should be like, you okay?
Lizzie
No, dude, you get what you sow.
Ryland
This is.
Lizzie
This is the golden rule. You treat others how other people want, how you want to be treated.
Ryland
And this is how it literally, the last, like, three. No, you had, like, seven illnesses in a row. And I was chill and was like, how are your children?
Lizzie
Liar.
Ryland
Are you kidding me?
Lizzie
It was performative at best. If you did say it, you only said it so you could say this now. And for that reason, it counts not.
Ryland
You think I'm that calculated?
Lizzie
Period.
Ryland
Period.
Lizzie
And good for you.
Ryland
Good for me.
Lizzie
That's how you get to the top.
Ryland
Well, you got to fake it until you make it.
Lizzie
You want to be on top.
Ryland
I do. So. I don't know. It's really just.
Lizzie
Can I see it?
Ryland
So what's happened is.
Lizzie
I'm so itchy. Rylan, Can I please see it? Do you have pictures of it at least?
Ryland
I guess I should move to the east side because my dog walks in the mountains. As you know, I'm now afraid of mountain lions. There were bears amok. Fires are raging. And so when cars come on the street, I. I'm wearing this like, robber mask over my face because I don't want to die when I walk the dogs. Like, I want to still walk the dogs.
Lizzie
That picture you sent me triggered me so bad. I had a nightmare about, you know,
Ryland
I'm scaring the neighbors.
Lizzie
Yeah, I'm sure you are. You look like a fucking robber.
Ryland
I know. I've ordered these.
Lizzie
You look like a robber. Or like a very famous lesbian.
Ryland
I've. I've ordered these, like, turtleneck sleeves that, like, go up over my mouth and my nose for when I walk the dogs because I don't want to die. And like, when the neighbors walk by, I like, try to hide because they're just like.
Lizzie
So then he acts shady while looking shady.
Ryland
And I thought maybe I was like, projecting that it was weird. But then know this morning some lady, like, rolls down her windows and she's like, are you doing it? Because it's like a hard skunk smell. Like, what's going on? I'm like, no, my allergy is. I don't want to talk about it.
Lizzie
I'm overcoming adversity.
Ryland
I'm not gonna rob you.
Lizzie
I'm just overcoming a gay man with post nasal drip. Do you know how hard that is?
Ryland
And now, because I'm standing in the weeds trying to let you drive by, I have chick bugs biting at me or poison oak and. Oh, I was gonna.
Lizzie
I hate that we came here today. Chris.
Ryland
Are spreadable. I asked extensively.
Lizzie
Who did you ask?
Ryland
My friend at the Internet chat.
Lizzie
GBT also told us we could around and find out with norovirus two days after.
Ryland
So I don't know. I think I might need to go to a dermatologist later today because they're like, blistery itchy.
Lizzie
Can I please see?
Ryland
Well, I can't.
Lizzie
Do you not have any pictures?
Ryland
Yeah, no, I do. Here you go. I'll pull it up.
Lizzie
Thank you. Night. You.
Ryland
No, I definitely do.
Lizzie
No, here they are.
Ryland
Here's. Here they are.
Lizzie
Oh, that's nothing.
Ryland
But there are little patches like that all over.
Lizzie
That looks like one patch in one place.
Ryland
Well, that's one picture of one patch in one.
Lizzie
Well, show me another one.
Ryland
Well, I didn't.
Lizzie
I want to see them all.
Ryland
Okay. And they're very itchy.
Lizzie
I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry about that.
Ryland
Are you? You don't seem sorry at all. And I was just like, I Don't feel like I was vibrating low. Like, I don't know why this would
Lizzie
happen to you, but I guess this
Ryland
is the third good person who by, like, they say they have things happen in three, right? This is the end.
Lizzie
What was the first two?
Ryland
My ear, my sinuses, my rash. Okay, that's one, two, three. Count them all.
Lizzie
Yeah, I used to think that too. And then my kids started going to daycare, and now I'm like, there's no rules. It's just like, death to parents at all times, so good luck.
Ryland
Speaking of.
Lizzie
Oh, I didn't want to talk about that on air.
Ryland
Oh, you don't.
Lizzie
It's. I don't know why. It's just fine. Joe got weird about me telling the other parents, so now I'm like, I don't know.
Ryland
Because it's, like, such a flex.
Lizzie
I don't think it is.
Ryland
Why did he get weird about that?
Lizzie
I don't know.
Ryland
Did that guy that Joe, like, hit on, you know what I'm talking. They were, like, at a party, and I guess Joe was like, hey, you want to hang out? Our family? Your family?
Lizzie
Weird. No, they did hit us up, up this weekend.
Ryland
They did?
Lizzie
Yeah. They said, you want to hang out again?
Ryland
And, well, we couldn't. They live on the east side.
Lizzie
They want to do a around in Glendale. And one thing about me is I'm not trying to around in Glendale. You know what I'm saying?
Ryland
What about Pasadena?
Lizzie
I will around in Pasadena. I actually was watching rumor has it I've been on some weird kick lately where just, like, by the grace of God, I'm being led to Mark Ruffalo romcoms from the early Audis. 20 years old. Like, what the. And I'm gonna say something controversial right now, okay? I don't with that Mark Ruffalo.
Ryland
Why?
Lizzie
I think he's a little problematic, okay? Like, I like, post Avengers, I'm like, I don't know you do. You know what I'm saying?
Ryland
I don't know any of his work, so.
Lizzie
Well, I watched two of his early rom coms, and I was shocked that he was in both of them because I put them on for, like, various reasons. Like, one of which was like, a Jennifer Aniston movie called Rumor has it, and it's set in Pasadena, and it's so stunning.
Ryland
I watched that. Then I'm putting that on my to do list. Jennifer Aniston movie in Pasadena.
Lizzie
Sign me up, gorgeous. You know, why don't we live in Pasadena?
Ryland
Well, that's. That's Where Eagle Rock is is four minutes. Like, my air one would be Pasadena.
Lizzie
I am down as to live in Pasadena.
Ryland
Okay. And they just opened Javier's in Pasadena.
Lizzie
Okay.
Ryland
Lots of nice restaurants, literally. So, like, it's probably the same distance
Lizzie
to my kids school too, because that's Burbank.
Ryland
After we went to this house, I was like, well, where would my air wand be? And so then I drove past the air.
Lizzie
That you wonder where your Air1 would be and not where I would be is devastating.
Ryland
No, no, no. I told. I declared in the car to everyone present. I said, it's the same distance for Lizzie to see me. Exactly the same distance.
Lizzie
I honestly know I was watching this movie. Rumor has it.
Ryland
Oh, that's what I was gonna put in my notes, and I was gonna watch that tonight.
Lizzie
I like. I. It's the first movie I finished since having a baby.
Ryland
Really?
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
I love Jennifer Aniston so much. Rumor has it too. It's on my to do list.
Lizzie
And then, like, Mark Ruffalo shows up. And then I put on just like heaven and like, and I thought Kate Hudson. No, it's Reese Witherspoon with a horrible haircut.
Ryland
And she's dead. She's an angel. I have seen that. So I am familiar with Mark Ruffalo.
Lizzie
And what were we thinking with all the layers in the early Audi's, like, you don't need that many layers.
Ryland
But she's good though, huh?
Lizzie
Yeah, but it's giving like toddler with scissors. Like, what was that hair? Do you know what I mean?
Ryland
And we all wanted to check out what you're talking.
Lizzie
And so. And then she's. She's dipping and doing the thing, as Rylan would say. And then here comes Mark Ruffalo. I'm like, was he the leading man of this era? And you know who's surprisingly a small role in a lot of these films?
Ryland
Who?
Lizzie
Chris Pratt.
Ryland
Love it.
Lizzie
Chris Pratt's in neither of these movies. But I will randomly put on a movie that's like Hathaway, you're high.
Ryland
I love it. It's so 90s.
Lizzie
Show me.
Ryland
Oh, well, now it's never. Oh, my gosh.
Lizzie
No, it's bad. It's like mullet bad. See, it's okay here because you can't see the longest. Yeah, but you can't see the longest strands. The longest strands go to here.
Ryland
Here. I'll screenshot this so we can put it in at 29.09.
Lizzie
So that's not a great example of it. Like, you got to go to the actual movie to see, like, the badness of it.
Ryland
Okay, got it. I know what you're saying.
Lizzie
And it's hair that demands to be styled like it's high maintenance hair. What a time to be alive is super cool. Nuts. Why did I bring all this up?
Ryland
Oh, Pasadena.
Lizzie
It's gorgeous.
Ryland
Oh. So I did. Yeah. I checked out Pasadena. Went to the erewhon. Noticed there's a Javier's. There is a slight problem that Javier's won't do the off menu nachos or chimichanga. Chimichanga. And so, like, I'm gonna have to have a discussion with management.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
If I move over there.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
But I did think, like, it would be nice if somebody could appreciate all the exterior work I do for Christmas or if I can have kids come
Lizzie
and trick or treat. This still has those Christmas decorations up. I rolled up today, and Frankenstein is still out there dressed like hungover Santa
Ryland
looking like, I don't have an assistant anymore.
Lizzie
Need to throw away that Santa costume because it is sun bleach and sad and it's giving like homeless Frankenstein on the beach out of Christmas season. Looking for a job.
Ryland
I was a maniac yesterday and that's the only thing I didn't get to.
Lizzie
Sure.
Ryland
But it's on my to do list. I don't have an assistant anymore, so I'm raw talking life.
Lizzie
Oh, my God.
Ryland
No speak of adversities as a gay man.
Lizzie
No, don't raw dog life. You need a lesbian up in here
Ryland
running fast with of two with full time employment.
Lizzie
Oh, my God.
Ryland
No assistant.
Lizzie
No assistant.
Ryland
This is getting unrelatable.
Lizzie
It's too much for one man.
Ryland
It's too much.
Lizzie
It's too much.
Ryland
Okay, so. Yes. Pasatina. Why were we talking about past? No, it's cute, huh?
Lizzie
It's really cute.
Ryland
So am I moving there?
Lizzie
You could.
Ryland
Okay.
Lizzie
But honestly, this is the only time I'm ever gonna ask this.
Ryland
Okay.
Lizzie
Could you buy me a house there too? See that I never asked. I've literally never asked you for a house in all of our time together. I've literally never been like, buy me a house. Like, this is the first time I've ever asked.
Ryland
I fantasize about, like, I like this because it's, like, private enough, but you. A main street is walkable. Like, I know. I know the boys to like cafes.
Lizzie
And my dick is so hard for Pasadena after watching Rumor has it, like, the whole entry, like, the whole introduction to it is like a montage of Pasadena stuff.
Ryland
The craziest Part is if I. If I was on board enough, Shane would do it.
Chris
It.
Ryland
He's into it.
Lizzie
Loki. I'm into it.
Ryland
After your 18 minute rant about hating the east side.
Lizzie
Oh, I don't identify Pasadena as the east side.
Ryland
Oh, well, that's pretty much where this is.
Lizzie
If it's in Pasadena, I'm fine.
Ryland
I mean, it's technically not Pasadena, but it's seven minutes from down downtown Pasadena.
Lizzie
Oh, show me the listing.
Ryland
Okay. Okay.
Lizzie
Cuz I'm coming. I'm coming around to it.
Ryland
Okay.
Lizzie
Especially if we're also talking about getting me a house over there.
Ryland
And we could just like. And the vibe was like young couples with like. We were walking the streets.
Lizzie
It was like, watch rumor has it and you'll get. Because like my dick is so hard for it right now. Watch rumor has it.
Ryland
It's so cute like here.
Lizzie
It's like. It's like quintessential old California neighborhood vibes. It like reminds me of like my parents house in Menlo. Atherton.
Ryland
Well, that's what. It's very different. Calabasas is like bougie suburbs. Yeah. And that is very much me.
Lizzie
Yeah. But it's also like. It's like. It's stucco and it's the 80s and it's like Pasadena is like not. Pasadena's like real houses.
Ryland
Yeah.
Lizzie
Pasadena is like old houses. Like wedding in the backyard houses.
Ryland
It's like magical. La.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
And that. Yes. So it is a different. It's a very different lifestyle, a different vibe. It would change the day to day of my entire world. Because it. Even though it's only 50 minutes away, everywhere I go would be different, you know? Yeah. It would be a complete life change.
Lizzie
But it's very sweet.
Ryland
Okay. Okay.
Lizzie
I'm into it.
Ryland
Okay. That's crazy.
Lizzie
Why?
Ryland
We just watch 10 watch the last
Lizzie
15 minutes of this. At that time you were talking about like Eagle Rock and like the east side.
Ryland
It is. The address is in Eagle Rock.
Lizzie
And then. I hate it.
Ryland
Okay. So your family had the cutest weekend. Exhausting. Billy.
Lizzie
So cute.
Ryland
That's it. That's. You put that on the document.
Lizzie
So cute.
Ryland
Just to say. Yeah. So cute.
Lizzie
So cute.
Ryland
So cute. Got it.
Chris
Okay.
Ryland
Done.
Lizzie
Billy's having like. Billy's having a language and that's the sip. My eye is so freaking itchy.
Chris
Why?
Lizzie
Probably pink eye. Are you kidding?
Ryland
And you're that close to me. Pink eye.
Lizzie
Now you know what it feels like.
Ryland
At least I'm showing up with a rash that isn't spreadable. My ringworm Is spreadable, so stay away.
Lizzie
Oh, is it back?
Ryland
It's. Shut up.
Lizzie
It's back. Oh, my God.
Ryland
No, it's back.
Lizzie
He's got ringworm.
Ryland
Unless you're sniffing my armpits, you're never
Lizzie
gonna get in your armpits.
Ryland
That's.
Lizzie
Chris. We gotta go, dude. Can you imagine if either of us showed up? Like, I've got multiple.
Ryland
There were years on this podcast where you had rashes. There were years at a time where you had rashes.
Lizzie
That's different. I'm pale. I'm always rashy.
Ryland
Well, I just got lightheaded, probably from
Lizzie
all your ashes and the ringworm. Your brain's controlled by worms at this point.
Ryland
Do we just start eating donuts right now?
Lizzie
I don't want to.
Ryland
Wouldn't that be crazy to have, like, the food segment in the middle of the couch segment?
Lizzie
Should we do it? Should we trick them? I'm down. We could dip and do the damn thing. But I will say, billy's having a language explosion, and it is so freaking cute. And we'll like. I'll be like, oh, here's some potatoes. And he tries to say potatoes. And it's actually one of my. Like, this is the first time that Billy's had a baby word that really me up emotionally.
Ryland
What is it?
Lizzie
Yeah, and he points like a weirdo. Like, he points like this.
Ryland
Baby. You gotta love them.
Lizzie
I love him so much, dude.
Ryland
Like, toddlers are so fun. I mean, toddlers will make you want to hit your head against the wall, but also, like, melt your heart in the biggest way imaginable.
Lizzie
Joe's also does this thing where he counts, really. Like, we do, like, building suspense with him. So we'll go, one, two. So now when he says two, he goes, two. And we were. And then Joe was like, peace. And he was trying to do the peace sign, but he can't figure out what to do with his little fingers. And he wound up doing the west side sign and going, peace.
Ryland
I had my first language. Oh, this weekend. I already told you. But I was just like, something happened. And I was like, ah, shit. And Max just started running around the whole house. Ah, shit. Ah, shit. And then this morning, I, like. I, like, dropped some oatmeal. And he goes, ah, shit. And I was like, oh, no. In front of our nanny. And I was like, that was me. That was my bad.
Lizzie
You should have gaslit the nanny and blame it on her. Do you say that around him?
Ryland
That.
Lizzie
Did you say that around him? Where did he hear that? Lizzy? She's a deadbeat aunt. She's not even around enough for them to learn like that from her. That's how I would have said it. I'd love to gaslight someone today. I don't know what that's about.
Ryland
Let's do it.
Lizzie
Let's do it.
Ryland
Let's gaslight someone today.
Lizzie
My husband.
Ryland
You should. You should prank him.
Lizzie
Should that be the after sip episode? Gaslighting my husband?
Ryland
I love it.
Lizzie
I should prank him. What should I do? Soy sauce shots.
Ryland
Oh, you should say, like, oh, Gwyneth Paltrow is raging about the health benefits of soy sauce shots.
Lizzie
No, Joe would die before he even let soy in his body. Oh, yeah, he's too alpha for that, I guess. I don't know.
Ryland
Okay. Okay, well, I'm. Now we're on to your list of things. I talked for 45 minutes.
Lizzie
We went to Color Me Mine.
Ryland
The pictures from that were so cute, it melted my heart.
Lizzie
I'm so excited to pick up the plates. I up, though, because I made little shrimps on my plate while I was holding Ernie. I should have made the shrimp's bodies out of Ernie's feet.
Ryland
Oh, that's hard to do, though.
Lizzie
No, it's really not. It's really not that hard. You're better than me up. And I'm never gonna forgive myself.
Ryland
I recall going to Color Me Mine with children with you and their hand. And finish footprints were not working out.
Lizzie
The footprints work out, did they? Yeah. The handprints are the fool's errand, right? Yeah, you have to be. They have to be sedated so we could just pump them full of melatonin or something.
Ryland
Okay, here's my. My conundrum.
Lizzie
What's your conundrum?
Ryland
We're either going to. Okay, you're off. Dare. We talked about it. Sleeping hard for you For Ernie. I. I have. Have. I have a pitch. We eat the Krispy Kreme and then we do Hot Topics.
Lizzie
Okay, let's go.
Ryland
Okay, let's go. Oh, but we don't have mic stands. Oh, that might be nice for them, actually.
Lizzie
What?
Ryland
We set it down while we're chewing.
Lizzie
Yes.
Ryland
And we bring it back for the review.
Lizzie
Absolute.
Ryland
Okay, I'm gonna put this camera on Chris.
Lizzie
Put it on Chris.
Ryland
We are about to get into enjoying some Krispy Kreme donuts, but I do want to thank hellofresh for sponsoring today's podcast. Nothing hits quite like home cooking, and HelloFresh makes it easy to do more of that this year with recipes that feel good and taste Delicious. Night after night after night. Lizzie and I both enjoy making hellofresh meals for our family. It's something I can execute. I love knowing I can walk downstairs and have a meal already ready for me that I can feel good about feeding to my family and also execute on creating in the kitchen because I'm not a good chef. What, what did you make recently for your family?
Lizzie
Oh, I'm still ordering the same thing because I just love it so much.
Ryland
What's that?
Lizzie
It's the broccoli cheddar risotto. Oh, it's easy. I make it. It's perfect to have. Billy loves it. I can't have it anymore because of the dairy, but I will keep making it because Billy keeps shoveling it into his mouth.
Ryland
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Lizzie
We got one of the steak menu items and it was delicious. It had like a parmesan peppercorn sauce with it and I can't stop thinking about it.
Ryland
I've also been getting the steak and I've been on a steak kick lately.
Lizzie
Me too.
Ryland
Oh, just delicious. And of course hellofresh has come through for all of you guys. Go to HelloFresh.com the Sip10FM to get 10 free meals plus a free Zwilling knife $145 value on your third box. That's HelloFresh.com the Sip 10FM to get 10 free meals and a free Zwilling knife offer only valid while supplies last. Free meals applied as discount on first box. New subscribers only. Varies by plan.
Lizzie
So while Ryland is over here as he says which I love and can't stop thinking about dipping and doing the thing for our Krispy screams. I would like to point out or tell you rather that my mother in law got us a gift and I did not bring it to set today because I'm a fool.
Ryland
You had told me she got me a gift. Now it's about us.
Lizzie
It's for the show. My my mother in law Watches the show religiously because she's a real one. Even though I say all the time. Marge, get out of here. Mind your own business.
Ryland
Mind your own business, Marge. I saw. I was zooming. Lizzie sends me pictures all the time. You guys were at the park this weekend?
Lizzie
Yes.
Ryland
I wasn't looking at your kids. I was zooming into Joe and Marge.
Lizzie
You can put that picture up.
Ryland
Is it rude for me to be eating a.
Lizzie
Please.
Ryland
What's the penis like? Food called Phallic. A phallic thing?
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
Okay.
Lizzie
No, it's not rude. It's just gay.
Ryland
Which I am, period.
Lizzie
So she bought us a little table for the car for our eating segments and you were.
Ryland
Oh, we're not.
Lizzie
We're not in the car today.
Ryland
Yeah, but that's incredible.
Lizzie
Yeah, it's a good one.
Ryland
Fucking Marge. I love you.
Lizzie
Yeah, thanks, Marge.
Ryland
Oh my God.
Lizzie
I was really excited to bring it. I was going to give it to you and I just forgot it.
Ryland
That's actually like, like maybe one of the best gifts I've ever received.
Lizzie
I thought you were gonna be the most thoughtful.
Ryland
Marge. What do you. What can I do for you?
Lizzie
I don't know. She's a woman of few needs. She just likes to hang out.
Ryland
I'll hang out with her. Yeah, well, why don't you bring her to like watch?
Lizzie
Are you joking? I could never perform in front of my mother in law.
Ryland
You can't drag your husband in front of her.
Lizzie
No, I can't drag my husband in front of her in person. Just the Internet.
Ryland
Are you rolling Christopher on that camera?
Chris
It.
Lizzie
No, there's definitely something in my eye one.
Ryland
So Lizzy's going to be com commenting on the aesthetics of these because she's dairy and soy free. And as we know, Krispy Kreme has a lot of soy.
Lizzie
For real. Oh, I'm ready. Whoa. Do I need to try these? Are we sure there. Can we Google if there's dairy in these?
Ryland
When I saw these, the Oreos. An Oreo collab. I am such an Oreo.
Lizzie
They have effing girl Oreo, Blanca and then not Blanca and then something stuffed and then the rigs. Yeah, Google. Google this. I need to know. I need to know.
Chris
Yeah.
Lizzie
Oh, no. In all of them.
Ryland
How long does it last in your breast milk?
Lizzie
I mean, it's gonna take a month for my breast milk to clear out of the dairy. I'm gonna put and scream.
Chris
Even the original glazed.
Lizzie
I put a jalapeno popper in my mouth yesterday and then I went, oh, do you want me to just hold your mic for you? I'll be your stand. I'll be your stand. Yeah, just don't touch me. You sick.
Ryland
Okay. I think I'm most excited about the celebration one. All right. Oh, my God. This looks incredible. We haven't done Krispy Kreme. Or am I lying? Have we done.
Lizzie
No, it's been a while. We did the Harry Potter Krispy Kreme
Ryland
at the office, Reese, which I have no interest in.
Lizzie
No.
Ryland
Like, I am an Oreo person through and through. And Krispy Kreme teaming up with Oreo. I don't know what could be better for me.
Lizzie
Where is the dairy in it? Can I avoid it?
Ryland
All right. Cheers, Chris.
Lizzie
Chris is like, don't touch me.
Ryland
Oh, what's the vibe? The vibe is soft and delicious.
Lizzie
No, really?
Ryland
Oh, my God.
Lizzie
Is it. It's not the two. Is it the overpowering frosting flavor?
Ryland
Oh, there's a little too much frosting, if I'm being honest, but. Oh, my God.
Lizzie
For real. It's that good.
Ryland
I'm so sorry that we have to do this in front of you.
Lizzie
Are you joking?
Chris
This feels mean.
Ryland
And there's, like, crumbles.
Lizzie
Never wanted to eat anything on the show before. This is like when you guys went to Shake Shack when I couldn't come.
Ryland
A little Golden Oreo.
Chris
It's. It's really, really good. Oh, should I turn my thing on?
Ryland
Oh, well, we'll have that, too. Are you there?
Chris
It's really.
Ryland
Oh, that Golden Oreo on top, Is it good?
Chris
I didn't try that yet. Hold on. It's really good. It's a really good donut.
Lizzie
Damn.
Chris
I'm so sorry, Lizzie.
Lizzie
Do you think it's, like, a donut that's, like, comparable to Ringworm? Like, walk it back a little bit just for me. Terrible.
Ryland
Honestly, don't waste your money.
Lizzie
I won't.
Ryland
Just don't.
Lizzie
I never would.
Ryland
You can't. Wow. So this baddie.
Lizzie
I might have to mute. Chris is chewing.
Chris
It's just so intense with the microphone
Lizzie
that's connected to his mouth.
Ryland
I'm moving on, Chris. Oh, okay.
Lizzie
He takes another bite.
Ryland
There's like. This is like a mud piece. Oreo donut.
Lizzie
Oh, my God. Is that what it said?
Ryland
I don't. I don't know. Are there names for these?
Chris
Should I pull out my Krispy Kreme app?
Ryland
Of course he has the app. Yes, please.
Lizzie
Do you have to have a phone with extra storage just because of your app game?
Chris
Probably.
Ryland
Oh, this is, like, so hard not to just go in.
Lizzie
Yeah, I'm sure. I can't imagine how hard you won't feel sick. That's a nice thing, but I'm starving. I'm nursing two babies.
Ryland
Well, we can go get food. For real. For the after sip. Okay, honestly, for the after sip, I want to try the Barbie, the birthday Barbie smoothie at Eron so we could get Airwan lunch.
Lizzie
Hell, yeah. You know how I feel about E1 lunch right now.
Ryland
So good.
Lizzie
It's so good.
Ryland
So good.
Lizzie
But I can't get the Mac and cheese.
Ryland
Chris. I'm edging so hard.
Lizzie
Chris. He's literally splooged in his pants.
Ryland
I can see like, I'm pre coming.
Lizzie
Like I'm going to get pregnant off of whatever is coming out of his pants right now.
Ryland
Tell us what this is. I'm going to.
Lizzie
I'm going to get ringworm and pregnant with triplets right now.
Ryland
And if she has triplets, then they're your fault.
Lizzie
I'm fucked. You have to financially support the triplets.
Ryland
Tell us what it is.
Lizzie
Oh, my God. Don't touch me. You just made contact with my arm.
Chris
The Chocolate Oreo Dream Donut.
Lizzie
Oh, it's a dream.
Chris
Get lost in layers of chocolatey goodness with our Chocolate Oreo Dream Donut. Starting with an original glazed donut dipped in chocolate icing and crushed Oreo cookie pieces. Cream and Oreo wafer cookie tops off this indulgent treatment because one layer of chocolate is never enough.
Lizzie
It's nice to know it's indulgent because there's something. One thing about me is I'm just not indulgent, you know?
Ryland
No.
Lizzie
No.
Ryland
All right. Oh, here we go, Chris. Cheers. Wow.
Lizzie
The crunch.
Ryland
The cookie on top. I'll mute for the chewing and then give you your reaction. The cookie on top is very soft in a nice way.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
Like it. It adds an element of crunch to the soft donut, but it's not too crunchy.
Lizzie
This is also something they do in Navy SEAL training as a torture tactic to see if you can withstand it. But they do it in the entryway of a Walmart.
Ryland
Oh, my God. Sorry.
Lizzie
Chris took four more bites in between.
Chris
This is literally. This might be one of the best donuts I've ever had. I love it so much normally.
Lizzie
What's inside it?
Chris
Heaven. It's just like so many layers of different chocolate.
Lizzie
Show me the inside of it.
Chris
That worked really well.
Ryland
The. The donut itself.
Lizzie
Oh, okay. Okay. I thought it was stuff.
Ryland
The next one's stuff. Don't worry.
Lizzie
Right? We'll get to that.
Ryland
The next one.
Chris
I love an Oreo. Just a plain Oreo cookie. I love. And then like the bite of that with the like creamy whatever chocolate in the middle and it's like, oh, it all works so well.
Ryland
No, I'm telling you. Or if it's. If there was ever to be. Because donuts are my, like, they're my. Like, cake is my favorite. Yeah. And I don't often do donuts because I. It's like a breakfast thing and I don't like starting my day with that much sugar.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
But donuts are like, are like up there in my top rated desserts.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
And I never have them. Oh, this is incredible.
Lizzie
You know what I find pornographic?
Ryland
What?
Lizzie
Kylie Jenner eating the original Krispy Kreme.
Ryland
She does that.
Lizzie
She does it all the time. And I'm like, where can I find that? Probably on the Internet.
Ryland
Anywhere I think I'm interested in seeing.
Lizzie
No, like, I'm pretty sure you can just google Kylie Jenner eating Krispy Kreme.
Ryland
I think I'm in the market for that.
Lizzie
Like, honestly, bust out a dildo and you are off to the races with that.
Ryland
She really is out of this world.
Lizzie
She's hot. I wonder if she's hot in person or if it doesn't translate to reality.
Ryland
I can't believe I've never seen her. Does she just not leave the house?
Lizzie
No.
Chris
Have you ever. Sorry, this is totally unrelated, but have you ever had an original glaze right when it was fresh out the oven?
Ryland
Oh, yes.
Chris
It's life changing.
Ryland
It is everything I've ever wanted.
Lizzie
It's the story of a girl, you know. So Gina, Oreos and Dr. Pepper are supposedly really good for increasing your milk supply. If you're breastfeeding, then you have to. I know.
Ryland
What's this next one like cookies and cream. It looks like a cookies and cream filling.
Lizzie
See, they should have done cookies and cream filling, but I feel like it's icing inside and when they do the icing inside, it is too much.
Ryland
It makes you sick.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
I've never been much of a food filled donut person, but a cream is not as I like a lemon custard.
Lizzie
Oh, you would.
Chris
The next one is Oreos cookies and cream filled.
Ryland
I knew it.
Chris
The Oreo cookies and cream donuts is an Oreo loaded delight. This unglazed donut is filled with delicious cookies and cream filling, dipped in chocolate icing, topped with crunchy Oreo cookie pieces and finished with a drizzle of vanilla flavor. Icing for that classic Oreo look and flavor.
Ryland
Yuck.
Lizzie
Sounds gross.
Ryland
All right, let's go in. Wow.
Lizzie
Oh, no.
Ryland
Oh, no. It's right.
Lizzie
You eating these might also be something you need to put on. Only fans.
Ryland
Interesting.
Lizzie
I feel like I'm catching your allergies right now.
Chris
I have to get more to the middle. I need some of that cream.
Lizzie
Go deep, Chris.
Ryland
I'm going to tear her apart.
Lizzie
Tear her apart.
Ryland
So it's a little cleanlier.
Lizzie
Ripper and dipper.
Ryland
There's a heart. The top is hard. It's like a hardened chocolate.
Lizzie
How's that middle part?
Chris
I actually like the cream a lot on this.
Lizzie
Is it cream or is it icing?
Chris
It's. It looks like it's more a cream.
Ryland
Let's see.
Lizzie
Oh, yeah.
Ryland
I guess I don't know the difference between cream and icing.
Lizzie
Cream's like pudding. Ish.
Chris
This is a really good collab. I'm so sorry, Lizzy. I want. It's bad.
Lizzie
It's bad.
Chris
It's really. It's the worst they've ever done.
Lizzie
Watch. I do this for a month and my kid has no dairy allergy. He. He doesn't have an allergy, but it seems like he's a little soft.
Ryland
The cream or the icing would make me sick if I ate that whole one.
Lizzie
Thank you.
Ryland
It is too sweet for me.
Lizzie
Thank you for admitting that.
Ryland
And I would say that is the one. I do think it tastes good, but it was like, it would make me
Lizzie
ill. Chris, are you gonna end up at Kaiser after this?
Ryland
I do want to just try, like a bite of the classic. Like there.
Chris
I was just there two days ago.
Ryland
Nothing was a whole. Thank you.
Lizzie
Sorry.
Ryland
It was a whole thing. What were you doing?
Chris
So you know how, like, I have pancreatitis and Bird and I really shouldn't drink alcohol. I drink alcohol.
Lizzie
Oh. How much alcohol did you drink?
Chris
Too much.
Lizzie
Like, how much is too much?
Chris
Like several shots.
Lizzie
Just several.
Ryland
I'm sorry to take away from that. This donut got a classic crispy. Is that girl.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
Okay. Pancreatitis. I didn't know about this one. This is a new element I've had.
Chris
She's been there.
Ryland
I've never heard you talk about it.
Lizzie
You know, is pancreatitart is a constant state of being or is it just like a flare up? You have pancreatitis like the flu?
Chris
That I don't. And I think it's constant. But that I don't know.
Lizzie
I don't know that it's constant because I Think that's that you can get rid of it, Right? Because if dogs get pancreatitis, and then they get rid of it. Here, take this.
Ryland
I have to be insensitive. And take this away from Chris's health element.
Lizzie
How about that? I'm immediately fighting with him about whether or not pancreatitis is a lasting condition. Your adversity he's dealing with post nasal drip. You don't know trauma, Chris.
Ryland
You know nothing. You know nothing.
Lizzie
Oh, you've been septic.
Ryland
Oh, sure, Chris. Oh, like, sure, sure. Try having a mystery rash on your legs.
Lizzie
And I'm gonna. I'm gonna let you talk. I'm gonna give you. But give me a minute. Krispy Kreme is that girl the og You're Kanye west to Taylor Swift when it comes to Chris and his illnesses.
Ryland
Whatever. Kill me in the comments. I know you will.
Lizzie
We don't read them anymore. And it's such a liberated, psychotic place
Ryland
for us to exist, isn't it, really?
Lizzie
Yeah, well, sometimes I, like, look like, oh, they still hate me. Gotta go.
Ryland
No, whatever. Yeah, yeah, I was. Yeah, no. No need for me to go low when they go low.
Lizzie
You know, it's honestly none of our
Ryland
business what you think of us and so many people. I mean, whatever. It doesn't matter. As much as I loved this collab, I still think the classic is the best.
Lizzie
You say this every time.
Ryland
It's like a new revelation hits me each and every time.
Lizzie
Okay, let's circle back.
Ryland
Okay. Chris.
Lizzie
Chris had an alcoholic binge this weekend.
Ryland
Oh, my God. What triggered your binge?
Chris
I met a friend for the first time in person. They were in Santa Monica, and they're from New Mexico.
Ryland
Oh, the west side.
Chris
We'll never meet, but we met and we had a great time, and they were drinking, and I was like, you know what? Who knows if I'll ever see you again? I'm gonna enjoy. And take one shot, which led to two shots, which led to multiple shots.
Lizzie
You were taking shots in your 30s. Yeah, that's risky for anyone, let alone a lemon like you.
Chris
And then I started feeling, is that
Lizzie
nasty to say we'll call a bad car? Oh, I didn't know that. We used to say that about my golden retriever because he was a lemon.
Chris
Oh, my.
Ryland
I've never heard it. That's just hilarious. I've never heard it for a living being.
Lizzie
Well, we used to say that about my dog. I didn't. I. I say it with affection. We love a lemon.
Ryland
I love it.
Lizzie
As somebody who's afflicted with many things right now. Yourself.
Ryland
Yeah, Some could say I'm a lemon.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Chris
I started feeling like I was dying at one point and I felt very embarrassed. And so I like, got someone like one of his friends to be like, hey, I ordered a Waymo. Can you help me get to it? And he was like, okay. And he, like, got me to the Waymo, which is like the self driving.
Ryland
Yeah.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Chris
And I. I don't know why I was like, if I'm in one of
Ryland
those and I'm dying, no one's not embarrassing. Yeah, they're watching you still.
Chris
So I'm in a self, like, you know, by myself, in a Waymo, like, oh, God, I think this is it. Waymo. And it like took me to an emergency room and.
Lizzie
Yeah, you Waymo'd to an er.
Chris
And then I fell asleep in the. On the bed in the emergency room. And my boyfriend called me, but I was knocked out. And so he called me multiple times. And then when I woke up and saw it, I was like, oh, no. And I called him back and he's like, why are you in an emergency room?
Lizzie
What happened?
Chris
I'm like, it's fine.
Ryland
So were you severely drunk or was there a problem there?
Chris
Well, I can't drink. The last time I really, truly drank, I seizured and was in a hospital for three days, so I really shouldn't be drinking. But that was my fear was that I would start seizuring, but I did not.
Lizzie
Yeah, I just felt good for you. A ton of pain, growth.
Chris
That was my weekend.
Ryland
And here I'm worried about a rash.
Lizzie
Can you believe?
Ryland
I mean, at least you seek medical. Medical attention when you need it.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
So kudos. Thank you.
Lizzie
Not to make this about me, but I have stopped pissing blood, so I think congratulations.
Ryland
The comments were very worried about you.
Lizzie
I saw that and then I got a little worried. I was, oh, no, we're worried about you. And then it's like the blood started dissipating. And then someone was like, it could be cervical cancer. And I was like, I don't think it's cervical cancer.
Ryland
Everything.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
And it's really scary. I've been like, oh, can you mute me?
Chris
I want to take another bite.
Ryland
Yeah.
Lizzie
Is he already muted?
Ryland
No, he's not. Thank you. Yeah, I'm trying to, like, switch to being a clean house, non toxic house.
Lizzie
The sugar's crashing already. I can see it in your eyes. The lights are going out. It's like you just did some heroin.
Ryland
Yeah, I'm trying I'm like. But it's like, whatever. We'll get into that another day. Yeah.
Lizzie
Do you need to go to the bathroom or something?
Ryland
No. Okay. I am floating outside of myself now. And that's only, like, a bite of each one.
Lizzie
It probably would be a good time for you to have some iced tea then.
Ryland
Oh. Oh, my God. I forgot there's a show to go on.
Lizzie
Yeah, sugar gets you every time.
Ryland
Do you need this, or have you memorized what's going on?
Lizzie
Hold on. I'm itching my armpit. I can't remember if I put deodorant on or not. Oh, my God. Is this the ringworm?
Ryland
Stop. Let me see. You want to compare?
Lizzie
No, I don't think I put deodorant on. Okay. Okay.
Ryland
Yeah, mine's gone.
Lizzie
I don't think I need this. But in other enraging news, Timothee Chalamet has offended all of the opera and ballet community.
Ryland
Thank God he needed to face some adversity. I just think it's a straight man without post nasal drip winning awards.
Lizzie
I just think it's so funny how mad they are. Like, even Doja Cat got on it. She's like, eu on the opera and ballet community.
Ryland
Oh, they're mad.
Lizzie
You're a real piece of Timothy. Shalom.
Ryland
You want to know the craziest part about all of this?
Lizzie
You don't care.
Ryland
I saw him, like, starting to talk about this, and I was like, scroll.
Lizzie
Yeah, yeah, no, me too. But, like, everybody's up in arms about it. That's why I put it on the lit docket, because, like, people are tripping.
Ryland
And he's just saying, like, he cares more about acting in film.
Lizzie
No, he's said that he doesn't want acting in film to go the way of opera and ballet, where people just don't care about it anymore.
Ryland
And what's the problem?
Lizzie
That. That's rude.
Ryland
Oh, okay.
Lizzie
I don't know. I mean, saying that people don't care about it is rude.
Ryland
Oh, right.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
I mean, yeah, they'll always. That the thing is reach, I guess. Like, when you're doing a live performance, there's only so many people that can fit into a theater.
Lizzie
Everybody.
Ryland
So I don't think it's like, people don't care. I think it's a different, different form in which you can reach less people because, like, physically, only so many people can fit inside of a theater.
Lizzie
Yeah. And also, like, are there, like, explosions in ballet? Like, if ballet was so cool, wouldn't Michael baby doing it well, I guess
Ryland
the argument is like, AI can replace film actors, but they can't replace live performance, period. That's, like, the top comment that, like, you see when you. That, like, you know how you don't have to click in to see a comment and display a comment? Yeah, that was the one that I saw.
Lizzie
Someone was throwing shade at Timothy and said, like, well, you know, it takes a truly skilled individual to do the opera or the ballot, and they'll put any loser in a movie that can't act. And it's like, well, but he can act, so you're not insulting him. You're, like, insulting us. So you.
Ryland
I would. It's very different. Like, acting in theater. You really can act in the moment or opposite someone acting in film. It's like, you have to be consistent in a way, because it's so mathematical.
Lizzie
And we would know because we were both in a pilot.
Ryland
Exactly.
Lizzie
So.
Ryland
So if you want advice from a working actor, if you want to talk
Lizzie
about which industry is booming and which one is dimming, it's definitely.
Ryland
Hello. Oh, we're in. No, it's okay for today. Thank you.
Lizzie
I was so excited. We had a surprise coming.
Ryland
You thought I had a surprise for you. Did I ever say why we're not in the office?
Lizzie
Does anyone care?
Ryland
I mean, they're gonna be a little. Have you? Yes. Every time we change locations, we're not
Lizzie
in the office because the refrigerator's broken and they have a repair team out there and.
Ryland
But they have to break the floor.
Lizzie
They have to break the floor.
Ryland
They're doing construction.
Lizzie
They have to break the floor, and we're just here to break the Internet, and so that's.
Ryland
That's why we're here. No, honestly, a really hot button issue is when there's a different environment that we're existing in.
Lizzie
Oh, really?
Ryland
That's always drama, and it almost feels
Lizzie
like we shouldn't address it so that there's more engagement.
Ryland
Got it.
Lizzie
It's like why I was saying ballet instead of ballet. You know what I mean? Like, I'm just. It's like a little Inception thing.
Ryland
I was gonna inquire about that.
Lizzie
No, never let it be cool. Let it be an organic little.
Ryland
You never let me be cool.
Lizzie
No, I'm rage baiting. That's my thing now.
Ryland
Okay, well, then why can't you just let me exist as me when I say my Utah is a rhythms?
Lizzie
Because I think that's part of my rage baiting.
Ryland
Okay.
Lizzie
Yeah. I didn't correct you when you said something insane at the Beginning of the episode that made me feel like I was having a stroke. And then I forgot the actual word for it. And I was like, huh?
Chris
What?
Lizzie
There's a word you said that I can't remember now, but you said it really wrong. Like, I don't remember what it was, but it really.
Ryland
Well, now you get no credit for calling it out.
Lizzie
But I was like.
Ryland
You were so.
Lizzie
I couldn't call it out because you
Ryland
said it so normally that I was like, the confidence.
Lizzie
Am I stroking out?
Ryland
As long as you have confidence, ladies.
Lizzie
And that's what the CEO of McDonald's thought when he took the world's smallest bite of a fucking McDonald's burger to be, like, so good. And everybody's Talking about this McDonald's CEO just taking the world's smallest bite. But we need to talk about the fact that. Are those even his hands holding the burger? Like, if you look at the framing of this video that's gone Viral, of the McDonald's CEO taking the bite, being like, that's a big bite. Like, the big arches. Are those his hands? Or is somebody beneath the camera holding the burger up before him? Have you seen this, Chris? Why is no one talks. Anyone talking about the juxtaposition or, like, the framing of his. Can you pull up the video just so I can show Rylan? This guy's taking a bite of a burger, but I swear to God, it's like he's standing with his arms behind his back and somebody else is holding the burger for him to bite because
Ryland
he can't touch that. That's what chemicals rub off on his face.
Lizzie
That's what it seems like to me. They're like, get a lesser person in here to touch this disgusting burger. I cannot touch it, as Elon made
Ryland
a robot that can feed me, period.
Lizzie
And then they also, like, conveniently cut every time he takes a bite, and people are joking, like, oh, so he's spitting it out.
Ryland
He has a spit bucket.
Lizzie
Yeah. So then all the other, like, fast food CEOs are out in these streets taking big old bites of their burgers.
Ryland
Yeah.
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
Funny.
Chris
I think this is it.
Lizzie
Like, whose hands are those? Do you see what I mean? Just the way that he moves makes it seem like those are not his arms. See? Like, that's someone else's hands holding that burger. That's a man who's never held a burger in his life.
Ryland
Do you get what I'm saying? They do look unattached.
Lizzie
They're big hands, though.
Ryland
And he just keeps, like, moving his fingers all over that burger.
Lizzie
Now cut. Before I swallow this trash. Okay, that's good. But you get what I'm saying, right? Okay. Crazy.
Ryland
And there's like. Stacy texted me and was like, do you think they planned it to go viral? And I was like, I don't think they had that in them.
Lizzie
No, it's awesome.
Ryland
I think they almost. I think that in turn or like Gen Z Assistant probably almost got fired until it was such good press that they were like, wow, this is so bad. It's great.
Lizzie
Yeah. I would also like to start a viral moment where we everybody goes out and don't you dare itch that next to the microphone where everybody goes out and like someone stands behind them and holds the burger for them and they have to eat the whole burger. Like that survival moment, you know, started by someone like me.
Ryland
Okay, let's do a tick tock for the sip.
Lizzie
Chris and I will do it though, because I'm concerned about what the fuck is on your hands.
Ryland
I'm cool, girl.
Lizzie
You are dripping in ringworm.
Ryland
I don't see any.
Lizzie
Because it's in your armpits. You already told us.
Ryland
Wouldn't you see it?
Lizzie
Yeah, that's what you said. But you said it's in your armpit, so this feels like you're. You're the gaslighter now. Okay, so lots of viral moments last week, the second of which being, is it Pets Smart? Is it Peter Pets Mark?
Ryland
We did this on Shane's podcast.
Lizzie
Like, is it a mart for Pets? No, you didn't. There's a guy who wrote a song. That's what I'm talking about. And you don't even know it was the same question.
Ryland
Which one is it? This question has been asked.
Lizzie
Yeah, but you don't even know what we're talking about right now.
Ryland
Okay, Somebody can't be both.
Lizzie
There was a rally held in front of the PetSmart in Sherman Oak Books where millions of people gathered with protest signs. SCREAM, singing we want answers.
Ryland
Wait, people really gathered?
Lizzie
Yes, people.
Ryland
Really? This is a development. I'm interested.
Lizzie
Yes. So there's a young man whose life seemed to have spiraled out of control recently because I went to his Instagram and that's. The pinned video is a song that he wrote about his life spiraling out of control.
Ryland
Okay.
Lizzie
And he's obsessive and depressive. Those are his own words. But because he has both of those things, he's also come up with a hysterical emo screamo song about petsmart. Whether or not it is a Pets Mart. A mart for pets or if pets are smart?
Ryland
I think it's a mart for pets.
Lizzie
That's not the point here.
Ryland
Oh, well, you're really close. The question.
Lizzie
No, you're not listening good. You're listening bad. I think also my take on it, there's a third option. Can you pets. Can you pet smart? Like, when you have pets, can you be smart about how you march? I think it's a. I think the answer is. It is both.
Ryland
Can you pet smart?
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
Can I execute having pets smart?
Lizzie
You see what I'm saying?
Ryland
I do see what you're saying.
Lizzie
Right. Anyways, this guy wrote a song about it, and it's gone absolutely viral. And he had a gathering this last Sunday at 2pm at the Sherman Oaks Petsmart.
Ryland
I do think it's a mart for pets, though, if I'm being honest.
Lizzie
I think it's a mark for pets where you can pet smart. Honestly.
Ryland
Did somebody come out and give them the answer?
Lizzie
Nobody.
Ryland
Should we, for the afterset, go to petsmart and demand the manager tell us.
Lizzie
The manager doesn't know anything.
Ryland
How do they not know anything?
Lizzie
Because the managers probably, like some person in high school, like, when I was Kate worked at petsmart. Kate doesn't have an answer.
Ryland
Did you ask?
Lizzie
No. We could call her and ask if
Ryland
you want to call, demanded. She doesn't have an answer.
Lizzie
I'm just saying she probably doesn't have an answer. But petsmart has responded in a funny way where, like, everybody in the office is like. And, like, they're getting up and, like, leaving their seats because they're, like, responding.
Ryland
Like, they made a real about, like, the conference room.
Lizzie
It's really funny. And then the comment section there was so stupid. Someone was like, you think you'd be grateful about this great free press for your company. And it's like, they're joking. It's sarcasm, you fucking weirdo.
Ryland
So did the CEO make a statement?
Lizzie
The CEO actually came out and wound up just taking huge bites of the goldfish that they have while somebody else held them from behind and put them in his mouth.
Ryland
He's like, they're staying silent.
Lizzie
There's your answer. It's like a fish called wandaj. And it is.
Ryland
So did they make a statement?
Lizzie
I don't think so, other than just
Ryland
hitting their heads against.
Lizzie
As of now that you and I are sitting here and I have done zero research, I'm gonna go ahead and say no statements have been made.
Ryland
You want to know what came across my Explore page?
Lizzie
No.
Ryland
Zooey Deschanel trying crumbles for the first time and just dragging them to hell. What is she. These are just grass. These are bad. Some are undercooked, some are overcooked. They're too sweet. They're bad. I don't know where these are coming from. And the top comment is crumble being like, we love you. We have a million different kinds of cookies. We're sure you'd like one. But I was just like, wow. She's, like, almost vibrating. I know. It's, like, funny, but, like, she was just like, these are bad. These are bad. It's like a dedicated video on her Instagram. And I was like, oh, wow.
Lizzie
Good for her.
Ryland
Good for you. I mean, not that I'm above that, but I'm. I just couldn't believe, like, somebody of her honesty, integrity. I'm. Caliber.
Lizzie
Moral caliber. I was thinking caliber as, well, a gay.
Ryland
So you're homophobic. You don't like Crumble because it's led by a gay billionaire?
Lizzie
No, but you're homophobic because you outed him.
Ryland
You don't like a gay man from Utah. Overcoming, becoming. Financially.
Lizzie
You're literally my favorite person. And you're a gay man who's financially. You have applied to me.
Ryland
Oh, my God.
Lizzie
Yeah. Don't touch me.
Ryland
Is that why. Is that why I identify with him so much? Yeah, because you're already in the same story. He's just richer than me.
Lizzie
Are you sure?
Ryland
Yet He's a billionaire.
Lizzie
Why didn't you come up with combo cookies?
Ryland
Me?
Lizzie
All you do is have ringworm and
Ryland
rashes and sign his problems.
Lizzie
Ew.
Ryland
I bet he's never had any of those things.
Lizzie
Chris has answers.
Ryland
The official.
Chris
The official Petsmart Tick Tock and Instagram officially responded.
Lizzie
What the did they say?
Chris
The answer is that it is, in fact. Oh, Pet Smart. Wait, officially?
Ryland
What? You didn't make sense. It's Pet Smart. Pet Smart.
Lizzie
So you can pet clothes. You can Pet Smart.
Ryland
So you're petting. You're having pets smartly.
Lizzie
Yes, but it's not pets. It's not a mart.
Chris
It's not Peter Pet Smart.
Lizzie
It's pets.
Ryland
I know, but it's like we're having pets.
Lizzie
Well, what's their rationale? Do they explain it? Do they explain themselves?
Chris
It just says it's Pet Smart in, like, the captions, and it says case closed.
Lizzie
That's all. Also, they should have dragged this out because they honestly could have had, like, a whole.
Chris
Also, to be fair, in their logo, they do have it.
Lizzie
Okay, well, no, but here's another point that the song Makes.
Ryland
Oh, I get.
Lizzie
Is apostrophe s. Pets.
Ryland
Yeah.
Lizzie
Mark.
Ryland
Okay?
Lizzie
For pets, it's possessive. It's a possessive apostrophe Smart. Yeah, but it is red. And we're petting smart.
Ryland
We're petting. We're pet owners smartly. I'm into it. I get it.
Lizzie
Okay?
Ryland
They win.
Lizzie
Good for them.
Ryland
But I do also think it's a mark for pets.
Lizzie
In other victorious news, one of my biggest pet peeves is people who are out in these streets watching videos on top volume with no headphones.
Ryland
Oh, I could kill them. Death to them all.
Lizzie
If you've ever been to the Van Nuys dmv, you understand my need to blow up government building.
Ryland
I'm gonna go to Thousand Oaks. Can't stand that one.
Lizzie
You can't. Nobody should be going to the van eyes.
Ryland
Nobody should be going.
Lizzie
Unless you like literally need like a 13th reason. Don't go.
Ryland
Honestly, you need like bear spray more than you would hiking in the mountains by my house, period. It's crazy over there.
Lizzie
No, it sucks.
Ryland
It's.
Lizzie
Everybody's got their phone on top volume. And also I was. I was at Kaiser to pick up a prescription for Billy the other day during the strike. So the line was two hours long.
Ryland
Right after you got rear ended and scratched by a person who said this
Lizzie
was the ear infection before that. Ear infection.
Ryland
Oh, geez.
Lizzie
Yeah, So I come in threes. They come in threes. Oh, they literally do. He had three ear infections and now we're getting tubes. So very similar to your post nasal drip, but a little bit different.
Ryland
Yes. It goes to his ears instead of his throat.
Lizzie
Yes.
Ryland
Me and Billy are having the same problem.
Lizzie
You're. Yes.
Ryland
Okay.
Lizzie
Except for one of you can drain and the other cannot. Right? Yeah.
Ryland
Poor Bill.
Lizzie
Yeah, poor Bill. Everybody in that line had their phone on loud.
Ryland
Kill them.
Lizzie
Everybody in that phone had. It was crazy. And then. And I was on hold with Medicaid trying to get Ernie on health insurance. And so like, I honestly was like this and I put it on speakerphone and I turned it on loud while they had me on hold for two hours. No, that's just me being vindictive. I was like, if you're all going to do it, I'm going to do it too.
Ryland
Speaking of torture strategies to train Navy SEAL artists, just try going to a movie theater. Artist.
Lizzie
Oh, because of the chewing?
Ryland
Yes. Have you ever been to a movie theater?
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
These people chew crazy, dude. I almost turned around and screamed at the top of my lungs. Could you stop it?
Lizzie
I was In. I was at a live theater show. I was, I was watching that Sean Hayes play that he won a Tony for.
Ryland
And the plays are so.
Lizzie
The old woman next to me was crunching lozenges. She had plastic wrapped lozengers inside a plastic bag, ruffling around in them, ruffling around. The plastic wrap opening up and then crunching them with her dentures. That's not something a person with real teeth could do. It was nuts.
Ryland
I, I, I, I on it. Like you think my chewing is unbearable. At least I chew with my mouth closed this weekend. These people at the movie theaters do not.
Lizzie
Joe was playing with his beard hair like this so close to my face. I was like, you're gonna have to stop that.
Ryland
Shane hates when I do that.
Lizzie
It's awful. He, it reminded me of you chewing eggs. And I was like, you have to stop because I hate you as much as I hate Ryland when he's eating eggs.
Ryland
That was one time. And you were just once.
Lizzie
Enough. One times enough.
Ryland
Not like I always eat eggs loudly. You were just.
Lizzie
Just who? I'm sure you always eat eggs that way.
Ryland
Okay, okay, I'm done. I'm done with you and I'm done with the show.
Lizzie
No, I didn't even get to my topic. I was there. You segued away from it.
Ryland
Okay, do you want Chris to sit in?
Lizzie
Oh, no. Only because I'm worried something that he. He was in an emergency room this weekend. God knows what he's carrying right now. Both of you are scaring the out of me. I'd much rather a ringworm rash than whatever the he picked up in the.
Ryland
No, see, it's not big.
Lizzie
He does have it. You saw a woman was escorted off of a flight for watching reels on loud on her phone.
Ryland
Good.
Lizzie
Yeah. By the police.
Ryland
Good.
Lizzie
The police dragged that off. She's like. I listened after the second warning. It shouldn't take a single warning, you nasty animal. Get the out of here and chew
Ryland
with your mouths closed at movie theaters. If I could scream and not lose my voice, I would would.
Lizzie
He would. I would. He would.
Chris
I would.
Ryland
But I'm having a calm body, so
Lizzie
we're going to whisper shame, shame on you. Body, shame. Calm body. We have calm body.
Ryland
Well, great. Now my kids are going to sleep, so if you have to pee, you got to pee now.
Lizzie
We're vibrating high today. Oh. What else was I going to say? I guess nothing. Okay. Okay.
Ryland
Well, you guys, that was very fun. I had fun. Did you have fun?
Lizzie
I had a great time dipping and Doing this.
Ryland
Did you have fun, Chris? I had the best time. I'm glad that you're still doing good.
Lizzie
Yeah. What was the conclusion of that? You just chilled out and then left the hospital? Oh, yeah.
Chris
They gave me a bunch of medication.
Lizzie
Any fun ones?
Chris
Anti spasmodic stuff.
Lizzie
Ooh, super fun.
Chris
Nauseous stuff.
Lizzie
Really fun.
Ryland
Do you have any leftover?
Lizzie
Yes, because I feel a little nauseous after sitting next to someone you know.
Ryland
Okay, well, thank you guys so much for watching and enjoying the sip. Did you like the new old set? Did you like eating in the middle? Did we scare you?
Lizzie
Are you worried you're gonna catch ringworm from watching this episode?
Ryland
Probably not.
Lizzie
Is pancreatitis a condition that persists, or is it one that's done? Eventually.
Ryland
Is my rash, chick bugs or poison ivy?
Lizzie
If my kidneys are failing, would I still be peeing blood, or does it stop on its own occasionally before it starts again randomly? Let me know.
Ryland
My voice ever gonna fully come back?
Lizzie
Let's hope not.
Ryland
Okay. And with that, thank you guys so much for watching and supporting our show. We love you very much. Everyone's links are in the description section below. We all post YouTube videos on our own individual channels really quickly.
Lizzie
My husband did my vlog this last week.
Ryland
What do you mean?
Lizzie
Like, he vlogged.
Ryland
We're getting a day in Joe's life.
Lizzie
Uhhuh. We got in a huge fight, and I was like, then you do my vlog. He's like, I don't. I can't vlog. Like, I was like, neither can I. So then he. I said, do it. You do it. You vlog. Cuz.
Ryland
For real?
Lizzie
Yeah.
Ryland
Wait, what was the fight about? Too deep?
Lizzie
No, I just remember it. It was annoying.
Ryland
You want to tell us?
Lizzie
He was sleeping during the day. I was like, wake the up.
Ryland
Yeah. We're parents, period. We don't have the luxury of sleeping during the day.
Lizzie
And if anyone's sleeping during the day, it's me, so that's that.
Ryland
So then you vlog.
Lizzie
You vlog.
Ryland
So literally, like, start to finish, he's like, hey, guys, it's Joe. Today I'm making eggs.
Lizzie
It didn't work out that well, so it's just a segment, but he's out in the street dipping and doing the thing. I haven't seen it yet.
Ryland
What is he dipping and doing?
Lizzie
I literally haven't seen it yet. I think he's making steak.
Ryland
Oh, all right. Well, we love you guys very much. We will see you next week. Goodbye.
Lizzie
By. And that's the zip.
Episode: Tasting VIRAL Celebrity Foods! OREO KRISPY KREME Donuts Collab!!!
Date: March 11, 2026
Hosts: Ryland Adams & Lizze Gordon, with Chris
This episode of The Sip is an energetic, fast-paced ride through pop culture, health woes, chaotic friendship dynamics, and, most importantly, a live taste test and review of viral celebrity food collabs—specifically, the new Krispy Kreme x OREO donuts. Ryland and Lizze infuse every discussion with humor and brutal honesty, whether they're debating LA neighborhoods, swapping health horror stories, or gaslighting their way through parenting mishaps. The donut tasting is both celebration and torment, as Lizze’s current dairy and soy-free lifestyle means she’s left drooling on the sidelines.
Memorable Quote
"This silence is truly turning to violence." — Ryland (03:09)
Notable Quote
"He tried to kill me after that… That's the title of my autobiography." — Lizze (06:27)
Memorable Moment
"You eating these might also be something you need to put on OnlyFans." — Lizze (49:50)
Lizzie: "Could you buy me a house there too? I’ve literally never asked you for a house... this is the first time I’ve ever asked." (31:20)
Chris: "This might be one of the best donuts I’ve ever had." (47:19) Lizzie: "I might have to mute Chris' chewing." (44:49)
Lizzie: "As someone who’s afflicted with many things right now—yourself." (54:00) Ryland: "Some could say I’m a lemon." (54:04)
Ryland: "Max just started running around the house, 'Ah, shit! Ah, shit!'" (36:14) Lizzie: "You should have gaslit the nanny." (36:17)
Lizzie: "If you've ever been to the Van Nuys DMV, you understand my need to blow up a government building." (69:29)
This episode is a quintessential Sip mix of wild energy, messy realness, celebrity snark, and unfiltered food reviews. You’ll hear the hosts:
In short: You’ll get big laughs, foodie FOMO, and maybe avoid public phone-video offenders for the rest of your life.
No matter the venue or viral food trend, The Sip leaves you craving a little more chaos—and maybe a donut (if you dare).