Tasting VIRAL Celebrity Foods! SPONGEBOB KRABBY PATTY MEAL at WENDY’S!

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Tasting VIRAL Celebrity Foods! SPONGEBOB KRABBY PATTY MEAL at WENDY’S!"

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Sip with Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon
• Hosts: Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon
• Episode Title: Tasting VIRAL Celebrity Foods! SPONGEBOB KRABBY PATTY MEAL at WENDY’S!
• Release Date: October 16, 2024

---

1. Parenting Challenges and Baby Care

The episode kicks off with Ryland and Lizze delving into the daily struggles of new parenthood. They candidly discuss the stresses that accompany caring for newborns, particularly focusing on sleep schedules and swaddling techniques.

• Managing Sleep Schedules: Lizze shares her experience with implementing a strict nap schedule, highlighting the contrast between the perceived freedom and the actual rigidity it brings. She mentions, “[07:09] Lizzie: [...] the freedom that we get from the schedule where we don't have to worry about making choices for him.”

• Swaddling Difficulties: Ryland expresses his frustration with swaddling, noting how his son, Jet, intermittently breaks free from his swaddle, disrupting their sleep. He laments, “[01:03] Ryland: [...] she has a fucking bark attack [...] It's the middle of a nap time when she's like walking through the house and catches a glimpse of it 100ft away and starts losing it [...]”

• Lactation Struggles: Lizze opens up about her lactation issues, detailing the unexpected challenges of managing milk production and the lack of consistent guidance from healthcare providers. She states, “[29:10] Lizzie: Your baby is gaining weight [...] but I was doing on-demand feeding, I would put a pump on my titty and let the other one drip into it.”

2. Guest Appearance: Mandy Moore

In a surprising twist, Ryland announces that Mandy Moore is joining the episode as a guest. The conversation shifts to discussing Mandy's role in "This Is Us" and her reflections on motherhood.

• Mandy Moore's Insights: Ryland quotes Mandy reflecting on her experience as a mother, saying, “[02:27] Ryland: [...] she was like, now that I'm a mom, I really wish that I could go back and redo the first two seasons of this is Us.”

• Balancing Career and Parenthood: The hosts commend Mandy for her ability to balance her acting career with motherhood, recognizing the challenges and sacrifices involved.

3. Shopping Stories: Target Encounters

Chris shares a harrowing experience at Target, detailing an unsettling encounter with a stranger that left him feeling vulnerable.

• Unwanted Attention: Chris recounts, “[25:25] Chris: [...] a random guy walks up to me and he's like, hey. [...] ‘Who's your leader?’ [...] it was so scary.”

• Dealing with Harassment: The story highlights the pervasive issue of harassment in public spaces, with Chris expressing his discomfort and confusion over how to handle such situations.

4. Pop Culture Talk: SNL and Ariana Grande

The hosts engage in a lively discussion about Saturday Night Live (SNL), Ariana Grande's acting career, and their personal experiences with the entertainment industry.

• SNL Performances: Ryland shares his skepticism about SNL hosts, commenting, “[45:59] Ryland: I kind of think SNL most of the time is cringy, and the hosts underperform.”

• Ariana Grande's Sitcom Origins: Lizze and Ryland delve into Ariana Grande's early career, discussing her sitcom roots and her transition to mainstream fame. Ryland reminisces, “[47:11] Ryland: I just couldn't believe it. And the one that killed me the most, it was so funny. So she's the mom meeting her gay son's boyfriend...”

5. Main Segment: Tasting the SpongeBob Krabby Patty Meal at Wendy’s

The centerpiece of the episode revolves around tasting Wendy’s limited-time SpongeBob Krabby Patty Meal. The hosts enthusiastically share their first impressions, delve into flavor profiles, and debate the meal's authenticity in capturing the essence of the beloved cartoon burger.

• Initial Impressions: Ryland initiates the tasting with excitement, “[55:00] Ryland: Oh, yeah. She was like, pathetic little gay guy...”

• Taste and Texture Analysis: As they sample the meal, discussions about the flavor blend and presentation emerge. Lizze humorously critiques, “[59:17] Lizzie: It tastes like baby Tylenol, but peach flavored. Tylenol.”

• Critique of Marketing and Presentation: The hosts express disappointment over the collaboration's execution, noting the lackluster promotional efforts by Wendy’s. Ryland remarks, “[67:25] Lizzie: But they got us. And honestly, they should put those shirts for sale because I'd probably buy one and I'm not even, like, a super spongebob fanatic.”

• Comparison with Real Krabby Patties: They engage in a playful debate about the fictional nature of the Krabby Patty, questioning its real-world equivalent and the plausibility of a secret formula. Ryland muses, “[62:10] Lizzie: But they're Plankton's always trying to steal the secret formula.”

6. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts reflect on their experiences with the meal and share light-hearted banter about their preferences and future endeavors.

• Final Verdict on the Meal: Lizze concludes, “[61:01] Ryland: I guess maybe I'm too..."

• Closing Banter: The episode ends with humorous exchanges about their appearances and the podcast setup, leaving listeners entertained and anticipating future episodes.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Ryland on Parenting Stress: “[01:03] Ryland: [...] she has a fucking bark attack [...]”

• Lizze on Lactation Issues: “[29:10] Lizzie: Your baby is gaining weight [...]”

• Ryland on SNL: “[45:59] Ryland: I kind of think SNL most of the time is cringy [...]”

• Chris on Target Encounter: “[25:25] Chris: [...] a random guy walks up to me and he's like, hey. [...]”

• Ryland on Tasting the Krabby Patty: “[55:00] Ryland: Oh, yeah. She was like, pathetic little gay guy...”

---

Conclusion:

In this episode of "The Sip," Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon seamlessly blend discussions on the trials of new parenthood with light-hearted pop culture commentary and, ultimately, a comedic and candid tasting of Wendy’s SpongeBob-themed meal. Their authentic conversations, interspersed with humorous anecdotes and guest insights, provide a relatable and entertaining experience for listeners navigating similar life stages or simply seeking engaging content.

Transcript

[Lizzie]

Sa.

[Ryland]

Oh, you're sending the ones without me?

[Lizzie]

It's not about you.

[Ryland]

After you took photos without my consent.

[Lizzie]

Girl, it's literally not about you.

[Chris]

I take one, Mark.

[Ryland]

I told everyone I didn't want to be seen today, so stop looking at me.

[Lizzie]

Don't look at him. Don't say his name.

[Ryland]

I've had a stressful week and it's manifesting in breakouts.

[Lizzie]

Oh, really?

[Ryland]

Yeah.

[Lizzie]

What's stressing you out? Are you afraid of the Frankenstein now? Stressing you out to see it out there?

[Ryland]

No, it stresses me out that every time Riley walks past it in the house or goes outside, she has a fucking bark attack. Although in the last two days, things have dramatically gotten better.

[Lizzie]

Oh, they're.

[Ryland]

They're starting to become friends.

[Lizzie]

They squash their beef.

[Ryland]

She goes out, she barks for like 10 seconds and then she makes peace with it. It just really enrages me in the middle of a nap time when she's like walking through the house and catches a glimpse of it 100ft away and starts losing it and wakes up the babies. And then it's like, O, only 10 minutes left of this snap or 20 minutes left. And you've ruined this for all of us.

[Lizzie]

You've ruined this for everyone.

[Ryland]

Max are cranky.

[Lizzie]

It's her fault.

[Ryland]

It's her fault.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, kick her out.

[Ryland]

Take her to the. So I'm very pleased to announce that we have Mandy Moore as a guest today.

[Lizzie]

Why do you think I look like Mandy Moore?

[Ryland]

That's the biggest compliment ever.

[Lizzie]

Is it? Cuz I'm wearing high waisted pants. Cuz I'm trying to hide my belly bind. Cuz my stomach hurts.

[Chris]

Unless I.

[Ryland]

There's belly binding on right now. Yeah, See, maybe we shouldn't have come forward with our zits and our belly binding and maybe nobody would have known.

[Lizzie]

No, I just don't know. I don't know what to do to not be in constant discomfort and pain.

[Ryland]

Yeah. Have you talked to your doctor about it?

[Lizzie]

I'm gonna see her in a week.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. Because I'm like, over this life. Another girl was like, what do you mean your C section scar still hurts? I was like, yours doesn't.

[Ryland]

It's only a month.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, but it feels she. Well, I guess that's true. Hers is April. I don't know.

[Ryland]

I think you look great. I love this, like Mandy Moore inspired look from this Is Us.

[Lizzie]

Oh, thank you.

[Ryland]

Did you see that? She said in interviews looking back. They have a podcast, by the way.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

About this is Us.

[Lizzie]

What is it called again.

[Ryland]

Something funny was us or something.

[Lizzie]

Right? Past tense.

[Ryland]

I only watched a little bit of the first episode. She looks great as ever.

[Lizzie]

She just had a baby.

[Ryland]

Another?

[Lizzie]

Yeah, I think so.

[Ryland]

Wow.

[Lizzie]

Or a first one. She had a baby.

[Ryland]

I think this is her second baby.

[Lizzie]

Well, she just.

[Ryland]

But then, anyways, she was on some interview and she was like, now that I'm a mom, I really wish that I could go back and redo the first two seasons of this is Us. And I was like, don't ruin the magic for me.

[Lizzie]

Well, then wouldn't it be her first baby? If that she's saying, now that I'm a mom.

[Ryland]

Does that I think. Can you look it up? Chris, does she have two kids? Not that this really matters or that anybody cares, but if you're looking for some good TV and you haven't seen this as us, go back to the beginning, bro.

[Lizzie]

This is Us. I watched that my first trimester of pregnancy. Who?

[Ryland]

It's good. It makes you scream if you're looking to cry. Yeah, that's the show.

[Lizzie]

Joe would come out, he'd be like, what?

[Ryland]

It gets me. Gutter only.

[Lizzie]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm not going to spoil anything, but there are a few episodes where I'm just like. Like, can't. I'm not of her.

[Ryland]

It's the one and only thing. Piece of art that makes me pull out my phone to see what I look like when I'm crying. Because normally I'm so against that.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

And sometimes I'm just like, wow, this moved me so much that I need to. What this looks like on the outside.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great show.

[Ryland]

Is there a verdict on her children?

[Chris]

Is this Mandy Moore who we're singing? How many?

[Ryland]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

Three.

[Lizzie]

Wait, no. Are you sure?

[Ryland]

Have you googled the right Mandy Moore?

[Lizzie]

None of us can see that. That a result for ants.

[Chris]

It says as of September 25, 2024, Mandy Moore has three children with her husband, Taylor Goldsmith. Is that right?

[Ryland]

Take that.

[Lizzie]

Who's sneaky?

[Ryland]

Kaiser Permanente?

[Lizzie]

No, my friend Kate.

[Ryland]

It's weird that she has the initials of Kaiser Permanente when they're also always calling you during the podcast.

[Lizzie]

I know they're. Kaiser has no respect for a working mom.

[Chris]

It said on the show she played a mom of three.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And now she has three in real life.

[Lizzie]

Okay. But they're cute.

[Ryland]

How does she do it?

[Lizzie]

How does she do it?

[Ryland]

Superhero.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

I'm starting to think I might be to it. Done. I love my two, but you know, like, oh, you start thinking of like.

[Lizzie]

I'm done with it.

[Ryland]

Move the legs so it's parallel.

[Lizzie]

It's not a problem for me.

[Ryland]

I think it's a problem for you. I've already talked about this on the podcast. Am I repeating myself that you're two and done?

[Lizzie]

Yeah, you say it basically every day. But we all know you're having more kids, right?

[Ryland]

Okay, so I'll just shut up about it. But can you imagine getting to a point where your kids are like, so much fun? We're going out, we're doing the fun things. They're running around, we're talking, we're interacting, and then you're like, back on house arrest with a newborn.

[Lizzie]

Well, the way that you talk about newborns really concerns me because it's one of the sweetest, nothingest phases.

[Ryland]

Okay, but you're just starting the schedule, and I.

[Lizzie]

No, but I've always loved a newborn because they're just little mounds of flesh.

[Ryland]

I understand, but even now I feel like we talked about it last week, but I want to go to the jack of the night. And I'm like, but this is gonna ruin my whole life if I try to take them to the jack of the nights. But then I see all these things.

[Lizzie]

Your babies sleep through the night. How does it ruin your life?

[Ryland]

Because they're the. Their schedule right now is designed where they're. They're tired at their bedtime. They're the crankiest. Right. But. And they're not like, they're not like, having full blown meltdowns, but they're ready to get in their bed and go to sleep.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

So I can't imagine, like, taking them out when they've been up for three and a half hours and they're ready to go to sleep. They'll either fall asleep in the stroller or they'll be miserable.

[Lizzie]

Well, why don't we just put them down and then sneak them out?

[Ryland]

I mean, maybe, but do you see what I'm just saying? Like, you're. You're one of two ways. You. You're a superhero and you're a mom on YouTube that takes your baby everywhere and there's no problems in the world. Or you're a regular person who does what you want with your babies and reap the consequences.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Or you follow a strict schedule for the first year and a half and your life is wake windows and sleeping and nap times.

[Lizzie]

I was thinking about that this morning, actually, because before we were on the schedule, because the schedule starts at four weeks. I Would just do whatever the I wanted with him. Like, oh, he's up. We're going for a walk until he falls asleep on me. And then I'm gonna keep going because he's asleep on me. Or like, oh, he's up. Let's go to Costco. Let's see if he can handle Trader Joe's. Oh, he can't handle Trader Joe's. I'll go back to the car and breastfeed. Like, so that kind of freedom was a little bit nice, but the freedom that we get from the schedule where we don't have to worry about making choices for him. And what, like, because I tried to edit a vlog before we had the schedule and, like, do some work, and it was like, no, you can't do anything.

[Ryland]

And I guess.

[Lizzie]

But Now I have two hours or 90 minutes.

[Ryland]

And I'll be clear that it gives you naps during the day that are predictable. And if you follow it, if you actually follow it, then it. They do love it. And they like it. They enjoy their cribs. They want to go to bed. My boys can't wait until we put them in that crib. They love it. But the freedom you're getting by following the rigid schedule is 12 hours at night.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Which is a freedom in itself.

[Lizzie]

Oh, it's a good thing to look forward to. I tell you what, it just locks.

[Ryland]

You in and limits you during the day. But I will say it's pretty incredible that, like, if you follow it, you get those 12 hours. Yeah, it's great.

[Lizzie]

I, like, we started it light last week and then got serious on Thursday. And last night was the best night of my life.

[Ryland]

Really?

[Lizzie]

In the last month?

[Ryland]

Well, yeah, Yeah, I know, but it feels like your whole life once the baby's here.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. It's crazy. It feels like a day and also forever.

[Ryland]

I think you just posted a vlog this week where you're kind of doing a day in the life with your baby in the schedule.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

And I. I want to save all of you women out there that want the schedule, but I need to talk to the nurse that I was working with with it, because it's hers. Like, she's. She has her master's degree. She worked at the NICU. She's been doing this for 25 years. And I don't really feel comfort dropping.

[Lizzie]

Her knowledge, her work for free. Yeah.

[Ryland]

You know, so I just need to, like, either get her consent or be like, hey, girl, put this behind, like a 99 cent paywall.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. Because you're Gonna make some money that.

[Ryland]

Moms can just, like, buy it, because she's been doing. And I would. Sorry, I'm talking a lot. But even, like, in the early months of babies with me, I'd be like, oh, we're getting into a rhythm. And then you're like, oh, this is great for two weeks. And then everything changes and what you used to do doesn't work anymore. And there'd be some nights where I'd be like, banging my head against the wal and she would like, talk me off the ledge and be like, no. It took. It took me five years to understand the rhythms of babies and how to cater to their new changing needs at all times. So she's like, any new mom out there, don't beat yourself up when your baby's going through a change and you feel like you're not. Because there were some nights where I was like, I'm doing everything and I'm just going crazy because it's not working.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

And then you times it by two and you're like, oh, my God. But it's.

[Lizzie]

I. Yeah, I was talking to another new mom about that actually this morning, because from 5 to 7am for the past his whole life, he does. He won't go back to sleep in his bassinet. And so I just have to stay awake from 5 to 7am Even if he wakes up for a feeding at like, 4:30 in the morning, then I'm up from 4:30 for the rest of the day. And that's brutal. And he's a good sleeper. Like, I actually have a baby that's very chill and not like, screaming and my life up to an insane way. So I'm very blessed in that regard. But having to sit there with a little baby on your chest from, like, five to seven is fucking brutal.

[Ryland]

Yeah.

[Lizzie]

And so I was talking to another, a girlfriend of mine who just had a baby as well, like, within a week of Billy's birth. I guess we say his name on the Internet now.

[Ryland]

And although I will say, last week somebody said, not Lizzie getting mad at Ryland when she said it a minute before he did. And then I said it multiple times in a row. But I guess you were the one that launched.

[Lizzie]

I'm postpartum. Listen, someone has to protect me from me.

[Ryland]

You came around and you were like, fuck it. There was no way that I was gonna be able to do that forever.

[Lizzie]

No. And I was also planning to, like, do something where it's like, we're gonna have a code name for my son. We're just gonna call him Billy on the Internet.

[Ryland]

I mean, that is his nickname, though.

[Lizzie]

So the more you say that, the more you allude to the fact that he has another name. Do you know that about yourself?

[Ryland]

I mean, nobody knows your name. It's Lizzie.

[Lizzie]

I mean, you doxxed me every day of this podcast.

[Ryland]

I don't know what it is with you and your family names anyway.

[Lizzie]

Although this girl made a really strong point where she was like, if you just approach all of it with, like, gratitude, because it's like, one day you'll miss this. One day I will miss that. He is little enough to sleep on my chest. And so I just love it now. I just love his little nugget body on my chest.

[Ryland]

Yeah.

[Lizzie]

She's like, remember when you were struggling to get pregnant? And like, now you have a baby here and it's like, oh, God, I'm so grateful I have a baby here. I could cry right now. And he's so cute and he's just a little puppy.

[Ryland]

Even though it feels long, I already look back to the first months and you'll ask me a question and I'll be like, oh, my God, I've already forgotten. And I used to, like, kind of roll my eyes when I'd listen to Moms on YouTube. Be like, I'm having my second. I gotta, like, refigure out the newborn. Like, how did you forget? But it's just because I was in the thick of it. But you forget quick.

[Lizzie]

Oh, I literally. It's like you're blacked out.

[Ryland]

Yeah, it's crazy because you're fighting for your life.

[Lizzie]

You're fight. I tried to tell you that. You're like, how's it going? It's like, it's wonderful. And it's a fucking war zone over here. Everything's covered in and piss and I can't stop bleeding.

[Ryland]

And God bless Joe. You're starting to leave him alone while you come to work. We're doing back to back podcast days right now.

[Lizzie]

I've been leaving Joe alone.

[Ryland]

No, I know, but I feel like yesterday was a big day because this.

[Lizzie]

Yesterday was a long day for Joe.

[Ryland]

And then it's just. And this is two days in a row. And so we're obviously spying on him.

[Lizzie]

Oh, I'm staying on the monitor. I'm watching that. I watched the monitor the whole drive here because I was in horrible traffic and I just watching him put him down. And it's pretty cute, man. Sometimes I can't tell if he's smothering him. Or soothing him, but it's pretty cute.

[Ryland]

And she opens the app next to me yesterday, the monitor, and I'm like, what is he wearing? And the swaddle, like, bursted open and nobody can tell, like, where the baby is.

[Lizzie]

And I'm like, yeah, Billy's very strong, and he's kicked his way through the zip up swaddles that we got from you. And I don't know why Joe wasn't using the kite babies.

[Ryland]

Oh, is that holding him still? Yeah, because once they start getting some strength, you might need to switch to the miracle swaddle. That's the one with, like, you slap one under the other.

[Lizzie]

Oh, I was doing that. I was doing that originally with him.

[Ryland]

I know, but as he gets bigger and stronger, you might have to revert back.

[Lizzie]

Wait, why?

[Ryland]

Because they just get like. They can break out of swaddles as they get bigger and stronger.

[Lizzie]

Velcro swaddles?

[Ryland]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Lizzie]

What?

[Ryland]

I mean, my baby's did. Now they're taking.

[Lizzie]

If you can break out of the swaddle, shouldn't I just leave his arms free?

[Ryland]

I mean, if he can roll to his front is when you're supposed to. But because it helped our boys sleep better, we left him in that miracle swaddle until they rolled to their front.

[Lizzie]

Is it weird if I think he's close to rolling?

[Ryland]

No.

[Lizzie]

I put him on his tummy the other day, and he just started going like this. I was like, whoa, bro, what do you slow your roll? What are you doing? We're just doing tummy time. And he was like.

[Ryland]

And so did Joe execute the bath and everything?

[Lizzie]

Joe executed the bath. Couldn't find anything, even though it showed him where everything was. And it's his fucking house too. And it's his child, too. Got multiple calls on the way home. I knew the baby was fine because I could hear him screaming in the background.

[Ryland]

Is the wildest thing about husbands. They can never find what is always in the same place.

[Lizzie]

And then it fucks with my head because I'm like, well, if he can't see it where I left it out in the open, it must be moved. But I don't remember moving it, so I don't know how to tell him where to find something else. So then I'm just like, well, check my hamper. That's all clean clothes. And it's like the towel was out.

[Ryland]

On the rack, and it's delicate. Because if you tell them the towels on the rack where I left it, they're gonna get mad. Like, of Course, I've already looked at the towels. I'm not on the rack. And then they go back and look, and it's there.

[Lizzie]

He wound up just using one of our big people towels.

[Ryland]

That's what I am using, too. I don't like the microfiber. It gives me the ick.

[Lizzie]

Oh, really?

[Ryland]

Styrofoam microfiber textures I can't stand.

[Lizzie]

The towels we have for him aren't microfiber, but they're like thicker muslin. And then. Yeah, and one that makes him look a little teddy bear, but that feels like a regular towel. It's just soft. Okay, But Joe did great. I got his jet. But the baby's pajamas were on backwards and who cares?

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

That's also, like, a husband thing. I've noticed. My goddaughter, Lily. We would come home and Aaron would have dressed her and it would be like, that is clearly backwards. And he'd be like, is it? Yeah, dude. Joe's like, no, the tag's in the back. I'm like, no, the tag is in the front. That's how I know it's backwards. But he also had a really cute story because Joe had the baby in the bassinet and ran out to the kitchen to get the heated up bottle. And the baby started crying while he was gone. But Bubs loves the baby. And Bubs is constantly protecting the baby. So he'll sit, like, with his back to wherever the baby is and, like, watching the door to make sure if something's, like, not good, he can defend the baby. Even on the couch, he'll sit with his little back to the baby from anyone else in the room that he thinks is like, don't look at him. This is my baby. And so the baby started crying while Joe was out of the room. And Bubs was like, nope, this cannot be. My baby cannot be upset. Bubs runs out to the kitchen, starts barking at Joe and turning in circles to get Joe to go back to the fucking bedroom. Leads Joe back into the bedroom. And he's like, fix this. My boy is upset. Fix this. And Bubs usually only does that to go pottier for food.

[Ryland]

Wow, that is really cute.

[Lizzie]

We know this baby is of high value.

[Ryland]

How does Icky feel about the baby?

[Lizzie]

Icky will cuddle the baby when I'm holding him in bed. I think Icky's a little bit more selfish. Yeah. I don't think he's jealous.

[Ryland]

Maybe it's the puppy in them.

[Lizzie]

He's. No, it's because. I don't know what it is. But, like, Icky's definitely always gotten his way. So all he knows now is he gets, like, his bath is a little delayed. And, yeah, Mommy feeds him less because Joe's feeding him more than I am now. But Joe also gives him more food, so it's good for him.

[Ryland]

All right.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Wow.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

What?

[Ryland]

I'm just looking at you. Today's podcast is sponsored by Stitch Fix, and luckily so, because I hate shopping for clothing. Even when I can figure out my size, the stores never seem to have it in stock. And that horrible dressing room lighting don't even get me started. It feels like a personal attack. All of the shopping and figuring out your style can be so overwhelming, which is why I love having a Stitch Fix stylist. She really knows what works for me. I get pieces that make me look and feel great, and it's a real confidence boost, one that I don't have to work hard for at all. I just give my stylist my size, style, and budget preferences. I order boxes when and how I want. No subscription is required. She then sends just for me pieces, plus outfit recommendations and pro styling tips. I keep what I love and send back the rest. It is so simple. The personalized pieces my stylist sends fit, flawless. I don't know how she does it, but it's like she gets me. And we've never even met in person. No stores, no crowds, no stress. Just personalized looks that you love. Stitch Fix makes it all so simple. Stitch Fix is personal styling for everyone. Get started@stitch fix.com sip that's stitch fix.com sip stitch fix.com sip okay.

[Lizzie]

What?

[Ryland]

Your one month checkup.

[Lizzie]

Oh.

[Ryland]

I know it's a lot of baby, but Lizzie just had a baby, and there's nothing going on in my life, so.

[Lizzie]

No, I just. I don't know if you guys remember, but when Rylan had his one month checkup, he was like, these motherfuckers got me in there for 45 minutes and I never came to fucking see me. Do you remember that?

[Ryland]

Oh, I remember it. It still happens. Majority of the time I go, and.

[Lizzie]

Every time the pediatrician acts like this isn't the norm. It's like, girl, this is the norm. Norm. All of us suffer from you guys and your inability to keep a schedule.

[Ryland]

Did he have to get any shots? Because that makes it even worse.

[Lizzie]

We didn't do the shots yet.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Because in California, they have to register them before they can dispense them or something, and that process alone takes forever.

[Lizzie]

Well, they had us waiting in there.

[Ryland]

For 50 minutes before you even got to see.

[Lizzie]

Before we even got to see someone. Then she comes in. She doesn't says, I have to step out right now. It's an emergency. And I was like, what? What's the emergency?

[Ryland]

It's almost like, I'm good. I'm going back home. No, I'll never be back.

[Lizzie]

That's where I. I was at. I was like, no, we're done. I was like, joe, go tell them we're leaving. And he, like, literally left the room to go find someone to tell them we were leaving. He came back. He's like, no one's out there.

[Ryland]

I can't even make a statement. Yeah.

[Lizzie]

I was like, what the. And we had just started the schedule, and I was like, well, now we're in nap time territory. So I put that little breastfeeding poncho on because one of the things my friend Kate said that her. You can see this in my vlog. Whatever. I put this fucking poncho on. I start breastfeeding him. I have Joe put the brown noise on his phone, and we just set him down for the nap on my titty in the doctor's office. And then when she came in, I was like, shh. We just started a sleep schedule. Where the fuck have you been? She was like, I'm so sorry. And I was like, are you? Seems like next time we make an appointment, we're gonna do it at the beginning of the day so that you can't fuck us.

[Ryland]

It's like, appointments don't matter. It just is. Yeah, it's wild.

[Lizzie]

And she canceled our first appointment. This is our second appointment. This is a rescheduled appointment.

[Ryland]

I left our first doctor because it was such a miserable experience. And then I went to a do that I think is better, but still, wait times are very long. And you're just like, what's going on back there?

[Lizzie]

Oh, I do have to tell you, I don't think that doctor was homophobic for making you feed the baby.

[Ryland]

They made you feed?

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Really?

[Lizzie]

Yeah. They do it because they want to make sure the baby can. Can eat.

[Ryland]

My baby was gaining weight.

[Lizzie]

I know.

[Ryland]

You can eat.

[Lizzie]

No, I know. But regardless, they did the same thing to me. They were like, feed him your titty. First we weigh him. Feed him your titty. And then we weigh him again to make sure that he's like, I can actually take milk down.

[Ryland]

Oh, wow.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

All right.

[Lizzie]

So that's not because you were gay.

[Ryland]

I guess it was just a bad Vibe. And I didn't like her at all.

[Lizzie]

And that's fine. People can still be. Even if they're not being homophobic.

[Ryland]

But you made it through.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, that was also. We also threatened to leave that appointment because they'd never make it on time. And it's like I had just been let out of the hospital the day before. It's like the most walking I had done was from the. No. They wheeled me out of the hospital in a wheelchair. And then the most walking I had to do is the next day. And they're like, can you sit here and wait for an hour and a half? No, bro, I cannot.

[Ryland]

Anywho, very fun.

[Lizzie]

Very fun.

[Ryland]

So you want to talk about your karma coming around and hitting you right in the face?

[Lizzie]

What is the karma that hit me right in the face?

[Ryland]

Your bad dressed baby.

[Lizzie]

Oh, my God. You are gonna lose this.

[Ryland]

I will not lose this.

[Chris]

Oh, my God.

[Ryland]

The amount of times that you have.

[Lizzie]

Told me, no, you are going to lose this. You need to put a picture of my son up and block his face. Block his face. I'm gonna say it again. Block his face.

[Ryland]

I'm. I wouldn't mess that one up. Are you kidding me? I don't know.

[Lizzie]

You're tired. You're a single mom who works two jobs.

[Ryland]

I'm not you.

[Lizzie]

And loves her kids but never stops.

[Ryland]

I'm not. I'm not.

[Lizzie]

I don't know. I always say with a broken arm and the heart of a fighter. Because I don't know the actual lyrics to the song.

[Ryland]

No. Lizzie just sent me a photo of her boy and I was just like. Like, I really can't get behind that outfit. You got it in the woman's section. A, Chris, I said B, is this a romper?

[Lizzie]

No. Chris. Chris, grab my phone. Look at this baby.

[Ryland]

You can think it's cute, but still know that it's from the woman's section.

[Lizzie]

It's literally not.

[Ryland]

It has ruffled sleeves.

[Lizzie]

It literally doesn't.

[Ryland]

And then it gets gayer. I said, is this a romper?

[Lizzie]

And she said, it's not a romper.

[Ryland]

And so then I sent her a picture. Go to the next. Next picture. Go to what I sent you. It's literally. Oh, my God. She has 400 text messages.

[Lizzie]

I had to send everyone pictures of him in his little puppy outfit.

[Ryland]

How do you respond to all those people?

[Lizzie]

I don't. That's why I have all.

[Ryland]

You just send them pictures. And then, like.

[Lizzie]

And then I black out. I'm a new mom.

[Ryland]

Get your feed for Later.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

What do you tell me this isn't what she had her baby in?

[Lizzie]

It's not.

[Ryland]

Oh, it's just a little gay.

[Lizzie]

It's not.

[Chris]

It's.

[Lizzie]

It's not.

[Chris]

It's not.

[Ryland]

But I.

[Chris]

It's not. I get that's Chris saying it is, but it's. It's not. When I saw it, I didn't think that, though. Honestly.

[Ryland]

You just thought, wow, that's a poorly dressed baby.

[Lizzie]

Wow, that baby's going to happy hour and he's gonna enjoy some tapas.

[Ryland]

Even though that mom has money to dress her baby beautifully, she chose violence.

[Lizzie]

Now you know how it goes. You're just wrong.

[Ryland]

I'm literally okay.

[Lizzie]

Did you ever post the picture of your son looking like a poop dork? Did you ever post the picture? Because if you never posted that picture, then these people don't understand. But I had every right.

[Ryland]

I'm glad.

[Lizzie]

Under the Constitution of the United States of America, under which it stands, one nation, under God, your baby looked like a poop dork.

[Ryland]

Okay? I'm just glad that you finally understand putting your baby in something that you.

[Lizzie]

You didn't think that was cute. There's no way you looked at your child in those sweats and that polo shirt and thought, wow, style is subjective.

[Ryland]

And when you're dressing your baby and you're doing your best and you think something's cute and you send a cute photo to your friend for a reaction, and you get, wow, you should throw those in the trash. That's a horrible outfit. It really does sting a little bit. And now, because I genuinely don't like one of the outfits that she had her baby in because it was super gay and super from the woman's section, I just feel like now she finally knows what the sting feels like.

[Lizzie]

Can we do a side by side of the outfit I told you to throw away?

[Ryland]

I don't remember, but if you can find it, then, yeah.

[Lizzie]

I delete our conversations all the time in case I get hacked. I'm scared. God damn it. I'll find it. Let me go through your phone.

[Ryland]

Are we gonna talk about. No, we shouldn't. What? Nothing.

[Lizzie]

What?

[Ryland]

No, I'm doing good.

[Lizzie]

No, do it.

[Ryland]

Do it. What's going on at your house?

[Lizzie]

What's going on at my house?

[Ryland]

And your baby and your husband and the name calling.

[Lizzie]

No, we shouldn't.

[Ryland]

I told you we shouldn't. Yeah.

[Lizzie]

How could I have known that's what you're doing, you hideously inappropriate man.

[Ryland]

Okay, is anything going on in your life Outside of all of this.

[Lizzie]

Outside of the baby. Let's think. No.

[Ryland]

When did you have time to put together an outfit so stunning?

[Lizzie]

Literally the four minutes between you already.

[Ryland]

Had this sitting around.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, I've worn this on the show.

[Ryland]

What about these pants?

[Lizzie]

I bought them when I started getting really pregnant.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. Which is why they fit me still.

[Ryland]

Chris, what's going on with you?

[Chris]

I'm getting harassed at Target again.

[Lizzie]

Because you're gay or because you're Mexican?

[Chris]

It wasn't a Latino thing last time. It was the same target. And last time they called me an ugly Mexican.

[Ryland]

Stop going to that target. Yeah, I'm honestly afraid of that target too.

[Lizzie]

What is that target?

[Ryland]

The vibe search is bad. DeSoto. And they just recently redid it. The one on the street.

[Lizzie]

I know. What is it?

[Ryland]

How else would you identify the location?

[Lizzie]

The one at the mall? No, it's off DeSoto.

[Ryland]

But I won't with the one at the mall because I don't believe in a two story Target.

[Lizzie]

No, it's annoying.

[Chris]

It's also hectic to get there.

[Ryland]

It's just. What are people doing with that?

[Chris]

But. But no, at this one, I went in. I just went in to get a couple shirts. I go to the guy section, there's like no one there. And this random guy walks up to me and he's like, hey. I'm like, oh, hi. And he's like, who's your leader? And I was like, what? That's a weird question. He's like, who's your leader? Who sends me here or who sends you here to follow me? And I was like, do you don't.

[Lizzie]

Engage with people like that.

[Ryland]

Oh.

[Chris]

And I froze, trapped.

[Ryland]

I fro.

[Chris]

Because he got very close and I didn't know what to do.

[Lizzie]

Chris like to me this hand. And I was like, are you. Did he kiss you?

[Ryland]

Chris told. I didn't realize when Chris was telling me the story how close they were. And he goes. I go, well, did he look presentable or did he look like he was high on something?

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

And Chris goes, no, he looked really nice. He just like his breath smelled really bad. And I said, how close were you to him that you could smell his breath? Because I can't even smell your breath. You kissed this man?

[Chris]

No, he just walked up close. But that's the thing. He looked very presentable. He had a nice button up shirt, nice glasses, like a nice watch. Looked like look good.

[Lizzie]

Sounds like a good guy to follow.

[Chris]

But then. But yeah, he walked up and then said all that. And then Just kept saying crazy things. And I kind of, like, blacked out as I, like, looked around the target for help, and there was zero people around. Employees, customers, nobody. I was like, if I die right now, no one's gonna see it.

[Lizzie]

But you would make the Daily Mail.

[Chris]

And I didn't know what to do. It was so scary. But, yeah, I don't know. Oh, Andy took his phone out and recorded me, and I hope he releases it because I kind of want to see the footage.

[Lizzie]

Why did he record you?

[Ryland]

My favorite part of this story is that Chris was literally on the phone with his mom when all this was happening.

[Chris]

My mom was on the other line screaming, as this is all happening, because she hears a man saying weird things, and she's like.

[Lizzie]

Like, teta, who is that? Are you okay?

[Chris]

Like, I hear her voice screaming, which is making the whole situation worse.

[Lizzie]

And you're just like, no, I'm not okay. Call the target. I tell them to come find me.

[Ryland]

I'm in the men's section, just shopping.

[Lizzie]

For a picture, being kissed by some really clean man with a nice watch.

[Ryland]

And he went to a Sabrina Carpenter themed birthday party.

[Chris]

Oh, that's why I was there. Yeah. For clothes for that party.

[Ryland]

So he dressed up as her boyfriend that. Nobody knows his name.

[Lizzie]

Barry. It's Barry. Barry.

[Ryland]

What?

[Chris]

But as I left that target, he threatened. Threatened me, by the way. He was, like, on the way out, he was like, if I see you here again, if this happens again. Like, he didn't say, I'll kill you, but it was something like, I'll make sure you're punished or some.

[Ryland]

What is it?

[Lizzie]

Was it kind of sexy? Was he like. Was it like, I'm gonna punish.

[Ryland]

Was this like a dressing room just.

[Lizzie]

Like, 50 shades of gray? Because that's literally what happened to Anastasia.

[Ryland]

She was just shopping in Target?

[Lizzie]

No, she was just doing an interview for a little school paper or something. And then the guy was like, I want to bend you over and flog you. And she was like, how rich are you? And he was like, very. She was like, okay. That's all I remember from the book. Couldn't watch the movie. Made me sick. Does anyone else having lactation issues? Okay.

[Ryland]

What'S going on with those nips?

[Lizzie]

Nobody tells you anything when you have a baby.

[Ryland]

Isn't that crazy?

[Lizzie]

It's really crazy.

[Ryland]

Like, we can't do so many things in life until certain ages. And then they're like, oh, but you're pregnant. Here's a baby. Walk out with it.

[Lizzie]

Two days later, they. They never Told me he can't have water. If it weren't for Instagram, I would never know what. Yeah, they didn't tell me he can't have. Do you know what they did do? At length come in and tell me how to take his butthole temperature and gave me multiple butthole thermometers. I was like, how often should I be taking his asshole temperature? They were like, if you feel weird about it. And I was like, should I feel weird about his butthole temperature? Like, what's the deal with that? Like, how often should I feel weird about it? This doesn't seem intuitive to me. Like, if he seems fussy. And I was like, baby's fuss. Should I check his butthole temperature every time he fusses? What is. Be clear about this. That's all I got from them, by the way. Butthole temperature checking.

[Ryland]

I would like some consistency in hospitals because I never had a butt temperature check.

[Lizzie]

Like, honestly, I was talking to another girl online too. She's like, bro, I've never checked. Honestly strangers. Which I never do. But I love these people.

[Ryland]

Wow.

[Lizzie]

They. This one woman and I had babies the same day, both boys, both, both C sections. And she is a second time mother and so she knows more than I do. And I didn't, they didn't tell me about lack. Like how you, if you pump at a certain hour every day or if you feed at a certain hour every day, like your body starts making milk for that hour. And I've been waking up engorged as a motherfucker in the middle of the night, night, leaking milk, just dripping in milk. Like I'm gonna get like yeast infections on my titties because I'm straight damp from milk in the middle of the night and I don't want to get up and do anything about it now because the baby only wakes up at like at 12:45 and then at 4 and then 7. And so I'm like, what do I do? Like, why is this happening to me? I'm not that bad of a person. I feel like I paid a lot of karma with my birth story. Like I should be a bulk of bored at this point for what I went through anyway. It's because I was pumping every night, all night. When he would wake up and I was doing on demand feeding, I would put a pump on my titty and let the other one drip into it. So my breast got used to that because your body just knows. And I didn't know that because nobody told me that. They just told me how to take his butthole temperature.

[Ryland]

But if he wants to eat at night, then what do you do?

[Lizzie]

I let him eat at night, but I was over producing at night because I kept pumping. Yeah. So now I'm, like, trying to fix that by pumping at specific times during the day.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

So that I can retrain my body to do it to be a daytime leaker, but can't. Like, for God's sake, no one needs to take a butthole temp. Tell a1 like, lactating is a thing. Do you know what I mean? How dare these people. Oh, and we. They send a lactation consultant. And my OB was like, they won't let you leave until they're clear on you being good with breastfeeding. I was like, oh, that's awesome. I got like a junkie fucking person coming in to do my lactation consultant. She was like, oh, I was actually planning to leave in, like, five minutes, but it seems like you got a whole lot more going on right now, so I can't help you. And I was like, why did you come at all? Because now no one's gonna come in the next shift because you just marked that you were here. And all you did while you were here was tell me that you were leaving.

[Ryland]

You should ask my girl.

[Lizzie]

I'll ask you, girl.

[Ryland]

That's my girl.

[Lizzie]

Ask your girl.

[Ryland]

She's a lactation consultant.

[Lizzie]

I know.

[Ryland]

She couldn't consult me, so can I let her consult you?

[Lizzie]

Let's play lactation consultant.

[Ryland]

I'll play. Like, I'll be your lactation.

[Lizzie]

No, I'll be yours. Let's measure your nipples. What size are you? Are you a 24? Also, I want to know, like, what's a big nipple? Like, if I was measured to 24, which I maybe was or was not, is that a big nipple?

[Ryland]

What do you. What. Which way are we measuring the nipple?

[Lizzie]

They just measure the nipple. Also, these aren't my nipples. These are silverlets on top of my nipples.

[Ryland]

Your nipples?

[Lizzie]

To save my nipples. So they're. They look like I've got really raging hard nipples.

[Ryland]

But it.

[Lizzie]

I. I mean, I do, but I don't.

[Ryland]

Genuine question, sir. What is Max long form name? Because we only name Jet and Max. Jet and Max on their birth certificates. But Jet is obviously Jetson Maxwell. I already call him Jetson everywhere. I'm like, Jetson, Jetson. But when I'm like, angry at Max when he's a teenager. What's the long form name? I'm not screaming at him. I don't. Shane feels like it's a little too, like, uppity.

[Lizzie]

Well, yeah, but this is the choice you made when you named him.

[Ryland]

No, I didn't. I. He's just Max.

[Lizzie]

Well, then it would be Max.

[Ryland]

We went on a date the other night, and the server's name was Maximilian. Yeah, so there's Maximilian, Maximiliano, Maxwell, all of them.

[Lizzie]

Maxford Maxwell is the least uppity of all those options. The fact that you just dropped Maximiliano and acted as if it wasn't is the dumbest thing you've ever done. And you do some. Some dumb.

[Ryland]

Is he just always gonna be just Max?

[Lizzie]

Yeah, that was the choice you made when you named him Just Max.

[Ryland]

Well, I named Jet Just Jet.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

And he's Jetson.

[Lizzie]

Well, no, he's Jet. 24 millimeter nipples would be considered quite large, especially when measuring across the base of the nipple.

[Ryland]

Chris, I would like you to change that to be considered above average.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. Thank you, Chris.

[Chris]

Google said I copied and paste.

[Lizzie]

You should have. You should have filtered that, because I'm postpartum right now and my feelings are so bad. I really appreciate that, Rylan. Chris, you're abus. As everyone in the comment sections acting like Chris is the nicest guy.

[Ryland]

Chris did want to clear his name.

[Lizzie]

Oh.

[Chris]

Oh, I forgot it.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

Because you're Deborah.

[Chris]

No, you reminded me.

[Ryland]

Come on, Deborah, you have the floor.

[Chris]

In the comments, not Deborah.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, right.

[Ryland]

We've searched the ip. We know who you are.

[Lizzie]

Joe's positive it's you. Joe's like, you need to just start calling him Deborah.

[Chris]

And then in the comments, they were saying. Because you had mentioned your C section and that whole. Your story, and you had said that I had pointed to you and mentioned something about the C section.

[Lizzie]

I love that. Now the most important thing for you is clearing your name in my C section story.

[Chris]

Rylan reminded me.

[Ryland]

Sorry, I wanted to start a little bit of drama.

[Chris]

No, but I didn't even remember, because when you said it, I was like. I just felt really bad. And then I looked at the comments, and they were like, Shane's the one who said that. I was like, oh, I feel genuinely better that I didn't manifest this.

[Lizzie]

I don't know. You do talk about your C section a lot around me.

[Chris]

I mean, I was a C section.

[Lizzie]

We know all of.

[Ryland]

Were you a C section, baby?

[Lizzie]

No. There's a clear distinction between the people in this room who were C section and vaginal birth.

[Ryland]

Okay, well, your kid was a C.

[Lizzie]

Section, so I know we're working really hard to make him a better Person.

[Ryland]

Oh, yeah, I'd say so.

[Lizzie]

I'm just kidding. For everybody who's an asshole out there, I'm just kidding.

[Ryland]

She has a C section baby. She's one of us.

[Lizzie]

C section baby. Babies are just as good as vaginally born ones, period. Sure, I might feel robbed of my own birth because I never got to labor, and I might never get to labor, but he's just as good as the other babies that come out of canals.

[Ryland]

He's very pretty.

[Lizzie]

Some say he's better than other babies.

[Ryland]

Andrew Garfield and Florence Plug Pew go too far on set.

[Lizzie]

Okay. You gotta do it because I've got shoes on today, so I can't squiggle it with my foot. Did you listen to the story?

[Ryland]

I went insert your. Your stories were lacking context today, so I went and searched them on YouTube like an adult.

[Lizzie]

Good for you. Can you believe this story?

[Ryland]

No.

[Lizzie]

Andrew Garfield and Florence Plug Pew. Pug.

[Ryland]

They're in this new.

[Lizzie]

They're in a movie that we're never gonna see.

[Ryland]

I kind of. I like movies that span a long form, like a long term relationship. So once it comes to streaming, I might tune in.

[Lizzie]

I just got tired of thinking about it.

[Ryland]

Like, I was the one that liked Modern Love on Amazon prime, and I'm not. Anybody else watched it, but Anne Hathaway's. Hathaway's performance was great. She played somebody that was bipolar. Oh, okay.

[Lizzie]

Also bored.

[Ryland]

Continue.

[Lizzie]

So they had a sex scene that they were performing on set. And typically when you're doing a sex scene, it's a very closed situation. So sometimes even the director's not there. It's just the cameraman and you guys. And if they needed a sound guy. But it's like, very buttoned up on a nice set. Sometimes there's a intimacy coordinator to make sure everybody's above board and cool. So Florence and Andrew start going at it, and they go out for a long time, and he says they're both, you know, giving each other cues, that they're consenting to move forward in this fake sexual act, which is real because they're really doing.

[Ryland]

And he was like, this is at a point where we in the movie had been married for a long time. So it needs to be believable that we had all of this previous history, that we love each other, we know each other, and that we're like, have. We're making love.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. And then they look over and the cameraman's literally pointing the camera at the wall, and they just never heard the director call cut. And so they had just been going at it for God knows how long.

[Chris]

What?

[Lizzie]

Not for the film.

[Ryland]

And here's my problem is I don't know how all these actors do this.

[Lizzie]

Why didn't the director go for real cut, you know what I mean? Like, yo, it's getting weird. You know what I mean? Like, why was no one, like, it's over.

[Ryland]

Are there partners not on set with knife? Like, I would be so. Yes, like, because how would he not get a boner? There's no way that Andrew Garfield or didn't get a boner. If you're like five minutes into a sex scene where you're gyrating something, how are you not going to get a boner?

[Lizzie]

I mean, I know nothing about boners, so I can't answer that. But I would hope that he was professional and not getting hard.

[Ryland]

I don't. I think you could be the most professional person in the world and still get hard.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. All of it.

[Ryland]

Some people can't control.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. I. And also, like, do we need to look at sex scenes in movies? Do we?

[Ryland]

Depends on the movie, I think. Yes.

[Lizzie]

When is it ever called for, for there to be a sex scene?

[Ryland]

Do they not have relationships on the outside?

[Lizzie]

Andrew just broke up with his real girlfriend, says Chris. Wait, unmute Chris. What?

[Chris]

In real life, his actual girlfriend is Florence. So is it because of this? Is it because he's with Florence? Oh, my God, I'm just starting drama.

[Lizzie]

No, we love the drama.

[Ryland]

Like, even in that nobody wants this on Netflix. I'm just like, how is Dax Shepard and Adam Brody's girl from a different show cool with this? Cool with this? I just don't think I'd be super cool with this.

[Lizzie]

Well, it's so funny that you say that now, because when I wrote the Christmas movie, you were like, yeah, I can kiss whoever I want.

[Ryland]

I mean, a kiss. I think when you're like, the whole story is a romantic lead up to something, or you're in a marriage, it's like you're. You're doing all these intimate things with another person, spending 12 hours with the person, you're opening yourself up to a possibility of falling for them. Even if you are going to stay committed in your relationship.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Do you know what I'm saying?

[Lizzie]

It's very complicated. And why? I would never date an actor, but.

[Ryland]

I'm going to be an actor.

[Lizzie]

I know it's. It's crazy, but it's okay because we can't date anyways because you're married, so.

[Ryland]

I'm working I'm working through my non existent successful acting career and how I'm going to draw boundaries.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. I mean, so that my marriage and.

[Ryland]

My family can stay intact.

[Lizzie]

The guy in you, the actor in you, Penn Badgley. Is that his name?

[Ryland]

Yeah, I'm positive it is.

[Lizzie]

Okay, cool, cool, cool. Badgley.

[Ryland]

Yes.

[Lizzie]

That sounds wrong.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

Anyway, he, he, he, like, when he got successful enough in this series, he said to the team, he's like, you know, can I stop so much in this show and can we start taking it a different direction? Because I have a wife and a family and it's starting to feel a little seedy. And they were like, sure.

[Ryland]

Wow.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

So you just got to get famous enough.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, enough.

[Ryland]

I don't know.

[Lizzie]

I don't know.

[Ryland]

I don't know. I just danced. Shepard being like, chill with Kristen Bell.

[Lizzie]

Literally won't even read the Christmas script because he's upset that I originally wrote it for you and I and my character has kissing scenes in it. He goes, I don't read that. I'm like, it's a script. I didn't kiss anyone.

[Ryland]

Listen, I'm not trying to be a prude. I'm just putting myself in their shoes. And I'm like, like, I don't know.

[Lizzie]

It is yucky.

[Ryland]

It's just like, I'm going to work today and my.

[Lizzie]

I'm going to go simulate a woman who's thinner and hotter than me but.

[Ryland]

Still get a boner because I'm a man. Like, I don't know that.

[Lizzie]

They say that on the way out the door.

[Ryland]

I know, but that's unspoken truth. I think you give me a sex scene with a woman and I'm probably still going to get hard if we're naked, laying on each other, gyrating.

[Lizzie]

Wow.

[Ryland]

I know. I'm super straight. Okay. Love is blind update.

[Lizzie]

Okay. Did you watch the Neo drama? Of course you did.

[Ryland]

Yeah. And. Yes, I did.

[Lizzie]

All of it.

[Ryland]

Yes.

[Lizzie]

I didn't. No spoilers.

[Ryland]

Oh, wasn't this towards the end?

[Lizzie]

I know.

[Ryland]

So you're giving a spoiler telling me that you haven't yet watched it.

[Lizzie]

Isn't that upsetting? Because I do this job and I take it very seriously. Producing. I do. Hot Topics.

[Ryland]

I was very upset about Nikki D. And is her name Leah?

[Lizzie]

Slow, slow down. Her name is Hannah. First of all, I'm gonna need you to really give me backstory on it because I haven't seen it.

[Ryland]

Okay, well, first of all, I'm jump. I'm. I'm pivoting back to where we left off. Off. Nick and Hannah, they come from really great families. Both of their families were open, supportive, willing to explore what their kids had done. And I thought, wow, this is quite incredible. And she's still a. Yeah. But even her parents are like, yeah, she's kind of a.

[Lizzie]

Okay, what's your point?

[Ryland]

I'm coming. Oh, I'm. I'm coming around to them. Even though I still don't think it's going to work out in the end.

[Lizzie]

Right.

[Ryland]

The biggest, biggest, ah, moment of the next six episodes because they're doing it in, like, increments. Is the next one gonna be the end?

[Lizzie]

I probably.

[Ryland]

Okay, so this, like, big, burly redheaded.

[Lizzie]

So the big, burly redheaded guy was the guy who. Whose name is Stephen. And he initially thought he was Italian and then found out he was partially African.

[Ryland]

Yes.

[Lizzie]

And he's with. What's her name?

[Ryland]

I forget her name.

[Lizzie]

Oh, is it here? Did I write it here? Who cares? He's with a woman.

[Ryland]

So what I thought was crazy is that, listen to Oprah. People will tell you who they are. Listen, listen. Literally, like, when you meet people, they will tell you up front who they are, and it's your job to listen up and run.

[Lizzie]

And how did he tell her in the pod?

[Ryland]

He said, at one point, I had texting relationship outside of my relationship. It didn't get physical. But we talked about what we were gonna do to each other, what we were, blah, blah, blah.

[Lizzie]

Wait, I'm sick.

[Ryland]

And he told her. And the woman he's with now is like, that's very brave of you to tell me. That's very brave of you to tell everyone. And she just moved past it. And in real time, Shane and I were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Lizzie]

He just told you he's a cheater?

[Ryland]

And you kind of, like, praised him for owning up to it instead of being like, well, what was the root of, like, what was going on?

[Lizzie]

Are you still a cheater?

[Ryland]

And so now I'm like, I understand. Like, you're throwing yourself in this social experiment. You want to give it your all. You want to make it to the next step to be on TV in addition to possibly falling in love. And she just brushed over it, but now she's so upset that her.

[Lizzie]

Well, hold on. We haven't told them yet. They're literally at their house, and they're about to have guests over, right?

[Ryland]

Yes.

[Lizzie]

And he. He hands her his phone so that she can respond to the text message when the people arrive.

[Ryland]

It kind of starts out of Context. Like, you kind of start in their conversation about it. It.

[Lizzie]

Well, in the article, they give us more information. And so she says he handed her his phone so that she could receive the text when the friends were coming over. And she opens the phone, and in it, she sees inappropriate, kinky text messages detailed, like, bdsm.

[Ryland]

Like, what I'm going. Like, what I'm going to do with you.

[Lizzie]

Spread you like a PB&J sandwich when we meet up.

[Ryland]

And back and forth.

[Lizzie]

Not that I made that up, not.

[Ryland]

Just once, but, like, all night and all day. And she's like, what? And she just keeps kind of hammering it in. And he's like, yeah, I'm a piece of. I don't deserve to be here. You don't deserve this. I'm awful. But he's been, like, this lovely, like, so sweet. And she's been kind of crazy and demanding, and she wants her flowers. She wants her flowers.

[Lizzie]

She always wants her flowers.

[Ryland]

She always wants flowers. And she is very, like, hard on him. And he'd always look at her with, like, puppy dog eyes and be like, whatever you want. But it's like, queen. He also, at one of the parties previously, had been telling another guy, like, we're not prepared for, like, what kind of women are going to be throwing themselves at us after we've been.

[Lizzie]

I saw that episode, and it's like.

[Ryland]

One plus one equals two. And this guy sucks.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. He also was like, well, we also don't know who's gonna, like, bring out skeletons from our closet. It's like, what are the skeletons in your closet, Stephen?

[Ryland]

That he's probably, like, done some. Some horrible sexual things. Yeah, he's a lot.

[Lizzie]

Good luck to you, Stephen, because you're gonna need it.

[Ryland]

Okay, my favorite thing of the week. This brought me a lot of joy, because, honestly, if I'm being honest with.

[Lizzie]

You guys, this is Rylan's new thing. He puts his hair behind his ears, which I love, because that's where it belongs, baby.

[Ryland]

Now that I don't really have hair to go behind my ear normally, I'm not gonna lie. I kind of think SNL most the time is cringy, and the hosts underperform, and it's. It's a hard job. Like, I don't think I could go out on that stage and deliver something.

[Lizzie]

That people were, like, such a renowned, skilled actor as yourself.

[Ryland]

You know, I just, like, I've been practicing for years, and it's something I don't think.

[Lizzie]

I can never do it.

[Ryland]

Never.

[Lizzie]

Never.

[Ryland]

Never, ever, ever. Yeah.

[Lizzie]

Let me just interject for really quickly. Yesterday we were doing the Shane Dawson podcast, Ass plug. Ryland is getting his picture taken because Shane likes to take everyone's pictures for the thumbnails. And Shane's giving him, like, direction, and it's going like Ryland's taking the direction like a pro. And honestly, everyone's impressed. We're like, wow, look at him go. He's really killing it.

[Ryland]

And then Shane, because Shane said, like, a complete different direction. And Lizzie goes, wow, he really took that. Like, he really did apply that direction.

[Lizzie]

And then Rylan goes, I think we have it. I'm done.

[Ryland]

And Chris and Shane are, like, both doing their masterwork. And I'm like, you've got it. Okay. You have it.

[Lizzie]

The guy who's like, I want to be an actor. It's like, God help.

[Ryland]

I know when you have what you need.

[Lizzie]

Okay, okay, back to your story.

[Ryland]

Anyway. Ariana Grande was born to be on snl.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

This woman is incredible.

[Lizzie]

She's very talented, and it really. I never want to hang out with her.

[Ryland]

Stop. Stop alienating people from my life. Life.

[Lizzie]

Do you want her in your life?

[Ryland]

I mean, you never know.

[Lizzie]

Do you want her in your life?

[Ryland]

Stop it. Okay. I like Ariana Grande a lot, and sometimes I forget that her origin story is being on a sitcom. And I mean, yes, she got. She rose to fame off of. It was Cat and Jack. That was the spin off. She got a spin off her there. The show she was on was so popular, and she was always kind of treated like crap on the show she was on. They were dying her hair that bright red. And I've probably told my story where I was meeting with her agent. Right.

[Lizzie]

No.

[Ryland]

Oh, my God. Back when I was young and beautiful, when your eyes lit up and agents.

[Chris]

Her first. First sitcom was Victorious.

[Ryland]

Victorious. So Victoria justice was like the big star. She was, like, on the trajectory to be a Hillary Duff, a Miley Cyrus. She was putting out albums on the side of her show. Victoria justice was the star, and Ariana was one of the, like, the cast.

[Lizzie]

Yes. Supporter.

[Ryland]

And she was a character actress inside of that. And they would always, like, dye her hair this bright red. They were killing it. It was falling off.

[Lizzie]

She was kind of leaving her out.

[Ryland]

So I was. Had an meeting with Ariana Grande's talent agent at the time to, like, hopefully get signed with this agent. And I'm sitting out in the lobby and I hear her agent screaming on the phone about Ariana being like, you guys have left her out of this. Victoria's music video because they shot it at the beach or something thing, and they're like. And you're killing her hair. She, like, she was just, like, going off on Nickelodeon or a representative for Nickelodeon that, like, Ariana Grande is under contract and her life is this show, but they treat her like on this show anyway. So she was. She was like, she's trained for years and years and years to be on a sitcom. And I just thought, like, her opening act, she really incorporated, like, her acting, but she had a good presence. And then she sung. She was singing as well. And like, obviously she can sing, but her sketches were also hilarious.

[Lizzie]

She's incredibly talented, I will admit that.

[Ryland]

I just couldn't believe it. And the one that killed me the most, it was so funny. So she's the mom meeting her gay son's boyfriend, and they're playing charades, and the dad is on Ariana's team. And so the dad starts pointing at the. The son's new boyfriend. And I wrote it down because I thought it was fun. She's like, pathetic little gay guy guy. And then the. The son. The boy. The son of her is like, mom, chill out. I'm gay too. And she's like, oh, no, I didn't mean it like that. I meant gay as in stupid and bad. But her delivery is so good. And I'm just like, damn, Ariana should really go back on sitcoms because she delivers. Yeah, she really does. She played Jennifer Coolidge in one of.

[Lizzie]

Them that I saw a little bit of the Jennifer Coolidge one, but I watched it with no sound.

[Ryland]

Oh, you need to sound.

[Lizzie]

I know, but I was trapped in a room with a napping baby.

[Ryland]

This is like.

[Lizzie]

Couldn't watch it with sound.

[Ryland]

First time in years and years and years that I actually watched, like, a bunch of the clips. Clips.

[Lizzie]

It was like Jennifer Coolidge talking to herself in the mirror.

[Ryland]

Right.

[Lizzie]

And Chloe Feynman, my arch nemesis, is playing the other Jennifer Coolidge. Yeah, she's not really my arch nemesis.

[Ryland]

You just, like, knew her at one point in time, and then she got on snl.

[Lizzie]

But I have a really successful vlog, so it's fine. And my baby's beautiful.

[Ryland]

Our success is coming for us.

[Lizzie]

It should be. It should be.

[Ryland]

Okay. Anyway, I love Ariana Grande. Check it out, because it's hilarious. Did you see any of it, Chris?

[Chris]

No, I will, though. I love Saturday Night Live.

[Ryland]

Oh. Oh, okay. Did you want to talk about this?

[Lizzie]

Honestly, I don't know any of their names, but I did think it was crazy because There's a country music singer who's big enough to have a tour on a tour bus, and he has a wife who's had two other children, but she was pregnant during the concert. He was doing a concert, and he gets a call off stage and goes, one second, I'll be right back. And he goes, his wife has a baby on the tour bus.

[Ryland]

That's wild.

[Lizzie]

And then he comes back out to the stage, he's like, I just had a baby. And then finishes the show.

[Ryland]

If I was a woman that could birth a child.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

And my husband was on tour in my ninth month of pregnancy, I'd be like, I'm gonna be where my hospital's at.

[Lizzie]

I really do think about that a lot, where it's like, give us all leave. You know what I mean? Like, give. Let the dad dads go home. Like the mom.

[Ryland]

I think he probably chose to be on this tour.

[Lizzie]

I know, but, like, partners need their partners in this moment.

[Ryland]

I agree.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. It's nuts to butts.

[Ryland]

I agree. But congratulations to them.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, good for them.

[Ryland]

What's his name?

[Lizzie]

I don't know.

[Ryland]

Brant Lee.

[Lizzie]

How do you know that?

[Ryland]

Gilbert.

[Lizzie]

How do you know?

[Ryland]

That's in the article that you put.

[Lizzie]

Oh, Brantley.

[Ryland]

Gilbert Brantley. Like Bradley, but with a T. Okay, see you guys soon.

[Lizzie]

Bye.

[Ryland]

Thanks so much to SeatGeek for sponsoring today's podcast. You guys have used our code so much that SeatGeek wanted to hook you up with a special offer. Everyone can now use our code SIP15 for 15% off any tickets on SeatGeek, whether you're a brand new customer or not. And this is perfect timing because concert season is in full swing with artists like Billie Eilish, Charlie XCX, and Sabrina Carpenter all on tour. And you already know that SeatGeek is the best place to get your tickets. Like I just mentioned, Sabrina Carpenter is on tour. I'm watching all of the clips on Instagram and getting so excited because I have to take Lizzie in November when she's here in Los Angeles, and I just cannot wait. So, like I mentioned, no matter how many times you've bought tickets using SeatGeek before, SIP15 is going to get you 15% off your next order. So take out your phone, open the SeatGeek app, and add code SIP15 to your account. Don't wait. Do it right now. Because this offer is only available for a limited time, but I really feel like it's happening.

[Lizzie]

It's happening.

[Chris]

Since you take one. Marker. He has a SpongeBob shirt.

[Ryland]

Hello. How are you? Good. Could I get three of the SpongeBob meals? Okay. Did you want to hook it to medium large for them? Just medium's fine.

[Lizzie]

Medium.

[Chris]

Okay. Anything else?

[Ryland]

I don't think so. It's gonna be 37.74.

[Chris]

Just go ahead and follow the cars.

[Ryland]

Okay. Thank you.

[Chris]

I love his shirt. I want one.

[Ryland]

Jeez, Lizzie, you had one job.

[Lizzie]

I didn't know.

[Ryland]

Oh, my gosh. Will you get B roll of that, Chris?

[Chris]

Hold on.

[Ryland]

Oh, hold on.

[Lizzie]

I got it. What good is this tripod?

[Ryland]

It's not.

[Lizzie]

Should we. What do we do about it?

[Ryland]

What is a boo book?

[Lizzie]

What?

[Ryland]

One for five free boob. Should have we gotten the Saucy Nuggets. Dang boo book. Dang. A saucy nugget. What's a book?

[Chris]

What's the book?

[Lizzie]

Will anyone tell us what the book is?

[Ryland]

Nobody will.

[Chris]

The spongebob meal comes with a pineapple frosty.

[Lizzie]

Oh, sheesh.

[Ryland]

Shit is racist. So do you guys like spongebob?

[Chris]

I loved spongebob.

[Ryland]

No. No, I didn't.

[Lizzie]

Would you want to hang out with spongebob?

[Ryland]

Yeah. And Sandy and Patrick.

[Lizzie]

I'm joking about how awful I am.

[Ryland]

Uh, oh.

[Lizzie]

Making. I'm self deprecating, but no one would know it.

[Ryland]

Who's your favorite character? Chris.

[Chris]

I mean, I love spongebob, but, you know, Gary's really funny. Just meow.

[Ryland]

Just like this now?

[Chris]

Yeah, it's really funny.

[Ryland]

I haven't seen it in so long.

[Lizzie]

I identify with Squidward.

[Chris]

What part?

[Lizzie]

Every part. Mostly is tentacles.

[Chris]

I could sing probably any spongebob song.

[Ryland]

Really?

[Chris]

Probably.

[Lizzie]

I hate what's happening.

[Ryland]

What do you mean?

[Lizzie]

This image.

[Ryland]

Oh, and it's like crooked.

[Lizzie]

It's just guys. I put on a different. I put on a nursing bra.

[Ryland]

Oh, yeah. She had to milk the milker. Okay, we just.

[Lizzie]

Should we just come back later when we're stationary? Hello. Hello.

[Ryland]

I'm great. How are you?

[Lizzie]

I'm good, thank you. Your total?

[Ryland]

37.

[Lizzie]

74.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

And it's three Krabby Meals.

[Ryland]

Yes.

[Lizzie]

Yes. Okay.

[Chris]

She wants to crappy.

[Lizzie]

Did you need a receipt?

[Ryland]

No, thanks.

[Lizzie]

Okay. I feel like everyone's having a hard time because of what my boobs look like.

[Ryland]

Oh, my God.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I hate this. Thank you. Second window.

[Ryland]

You don't have to. You too.

[Lizzie]

I mean, I had a different bra on. I just didn't.

[Ryland]

I love it. I love the Jennifer Aniston of it all. Hello.

[Lizzie]

How does she do it?

[Ryland]

Ketchup would be great.

[Lizzie]

How does she look?

[Ryland]

At her shirt. Wow, the shirts are so cute. Good.

[Lizzie]

All right, you're all set. Be safe.

[Ryland]

Thank you.

[Lizzie]

You too.

[Chris]

Oh, my God. Can I buy that shirt? I love that shirt.

[Lizzie]

Why did she tell us to be safe?

[Ryland]

I guess she doesn't think we would be if we weren't told, which is kind of accurate.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, it's not wrong. Oh, what is this Prius doing blocking the handicap spot that we're trying to park in?

[Ryland]

Oh, no. There was somebody behind me.

[Lizzie]

Oh, no.

[Chris]

Oh, no.

[Lizzie]

What an asshole. That guy looks like such a douche nozzle.

[Ryland]

What's he doing filming a podcast eating food like us?

[Lizzie]

Yeah. Blocking the fucking best lighting and handicaps. I will say, when there's people who need to park there to podcast the smell coming from.

[Ryland]

This is really good. I will also say, the last time we were in this parking lot, we were doing crazy phone calls with Morgan Adams.

[Lizzie]

Right?

[Ryland]

Yeah.

[Lizzie]

Oh, you know, it's for you and me.

[Ryland]

Hell, yeah.

[Lizzie]

And it's for. Anyway.

[Ryland]

Oh, no. We're gonna do this right next to this guy. Oh, they're really looking, too. Is it because of the cyber truck.

[Lizzie]

Or because of how awful you just came out of? Like, a shark? Like, you were like, boom, boom, and you're in seven lanes.

[Ryland]

Well, we're podcasting.

[Lizzie]

We're podcasters. We're gonna be asking in public.

[Ryland]

Dang. Oh, we each have our own little bag. Oh, everyone pull out.

[Lizzie]

Nothing unique about the bag, though. And nothing unique about what's inside it.

[Ryland]

Don't you feel like they could have spent a little bit of coin on some branding of the bags? Yes, if they're going to have a collaboration such as this.

[Lizzie]

I just dropped a couple fries, but it's really hard for me to bend over.

[Ryland]

That's okay. Don't worry about it.

[Lizzie]

Sorry. Thanks for understanding. So are these fries different?

[Ryland]

I feel like there's a huge glare on my head.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, you got a little light flare.

[Ryland]

Where? I know, but how do I fix it?

[Lizzie]

Got to cover the lens a little bit right here.

[Ryland]

Do we need to go somewhere different?

[Lizzie]

You can just.

[Ryland]

If they didn't give us. Oh, they gave us a from. That's not going to work. Oh, no. We're moving.

[Lizzie]

And it's for anywhere in.

[Chris]

Down here, in the deep.

[Lizzie]

What else fell?

[Ryland]

Nobody knows. How's it like this? If I park crazy like this?

[Lizzie]

I actually like this angle of me better. I think we should podcast like this. I'm not.

[Ryland]

Can you tell me what this looks like?

[Lizzie]

Great.

[Ryland]

Nope. I fell in love with this tripod Last week and now I feel duped.

[Lizzie]

I feel like they got you. How many lanes are we in now?

[Ryland]

Don't worry about it.

[Chris]

Once we're not moving. It's really nice.

[Ryland]

Is it? You mean the angle's nice?

[Chris]

I think so.

[Ryland]

Last time. No. Okay. What? No, I mean, like, this angle. Is the lighting even? Whatever.

[Lizzie]

What are we gonna talk about? Can we get ketchup?

[Ryland]

Yep. It's all right.

[Lizzie]

Hold on, hold on. What is this?

[Ryland]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. First we gotta try the. The. The ice cream before it melts.

[Lizzie]

Wait, this is just a cheeseburger.

[Ryland]

Can you just try the Frosty first? Sure. Thanks. Your spoons are in your bags. At least mine was, because I was about to rage about not having a spoon.

[Lizzie]

I licked my finger.

[Chris]

I had to have a fry.

[Ryland]

And what did your finger do before?

[Lizzie]

It tastes like cough syrup. Up.

[Ryland]

What tastes like coffee.

[Lizzie]

The Slurpee or whatever this is called.

[Ryland]

Their fries are good. It's peach.

[Lizzie]

It tastes like baby Tylenol, but peach flavored. Tylenol.

[Chris]

May I?

[Ryland]

Yes. It just smells like peach syrup.

[Chris]

It's a pineapple Frosty, right?

[Ryland]

I think so. I'm gonna mix the pineapple in a little. Is the pineapple too strong?

[Lizzie]

It's peachy.

[Ryland]

Oh, yeah. It's peach. It's not pineapple, is it?

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Wouldn't it make more sense to be a pineapple? Yeah, maybe. It is pineapple.

[Lizzie]

It tastes like peach, though.

[Ryland]

Wow.

[Chris]

No, I was gonna say. You don't like it.

[Ryland]

Oh, no, I do. I like it. If you just get a little bit of the syrup. I feel like they could have mixed it.

[Lizzie]

Mm.

[Ryland]

Don't you?

[Chris]

I agree about the mixing, especially at the bottom. It's like all the sauces at the bottom.

[Ryland]

Bottom. There's an inch of liquid peach at the bottom.

[Lizzie]

The burger still Really?

[Ryland]

I wonder what's different about this burger.

[Lizzie]

I don't like anything.

[Ryland]

I feel like the only cool thing Wendy's did for this was give their employees shirts we're jealous of. I think it's a sauce. I don't know.

[Lizzie]

Like, it's Plankton's or it's crabby. It's crushed. It's the Krabby Krabs.

[Ryland]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Are you a French fry in the. In the Frosty?

[Ryland]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Lizzie]

I'm more of like that kind of girl. With the chocolate Frosty.

[Ryland]

Well, yeah, the chocolate Frosty is ideal. I don't know who needs to hear this.

[Lizzie]

Probably me.

[Ryland]

But Wendy's French fries are superior to McDonald's. So you guys are gonna all fight me.

[Chris]

They're really good.

[Ryland]

I don't like McDonald's french fries.

[Lizzie]

Napkins, brother.

[Ryland]

What? Oh, wow.

[Chris]

You don't like them at all?

[Ryland]

No. I mean, if they're in my face, I'm gonna eat them, but it's like, I don't prefer them. I much prefer a Wendy's fry because.

[Lizzie]

It has the skin on it and it feels real.

[Ryland]

It's just as. I. I don't know. Something about McDonald's are also too salty for me.

[Lizzie]

McDonald's are just like trash. Yeah. And the second they're a little cold, it's over.

[Chris]

It does say pineapple frosty, but I understand what you're saying.

[Ryland]

It tastes like mango. Right? Right.

[Lizzie]

When did you get the mango?

[Ryland]

We were talking about peach. Huh?

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

My babies eat a lot of mangoes, so that's what I'm thinking about.

[Lizzie]

There's not a world in which this tastes like pineapple and it's orange.

[Ryland]

Yeah, it's peach.

[Lizzie]

It's peach. These people are crazy. They're gaslighting us.

[Ryland]

They're totally gaslighting us. Wow. Their fries are so good. Are you kidding me? It's just really a beautiful burger.

[Lizzie]

Sexy burger.

[Ryland]

Wow.

[Chris]

I love the Frosty.

[Ryland]

The Frosty is good. Oh, my gosh. Raw onions. What were they thinking? I'll try it. I feel like sometimes I come around to it when they're on. Right?

[Lizzie]

You always come around to it.

[Chris]

Did you ever watch the show and really wish you could have a Krabby Patty?

[Lizzie]

Well, now you can, because I thought.

[Chris]

That all the time.

[Ryland]

Not if it's real crab. I'm not a crab girl.

[Chris]

I never thought it was crab.

[Ryland]

I think it is.

[Lizzie]

Why would Mr. Krab sell Krabby Patties?

[Ryland]

That's why he doesn't want to eat one because he's fearful that they'll cook him and eat him.

[Lizzie]

Does he literally not look like.

[Ryland]

I don't think he eats Krabby Patty. Why are you just making this a Krabby Patty? I could be making it up, but I think it's for real. That would be crazy.

[Lizzie]

I don't think that's for real.

[Ryland]

I think it's for real. Comment down below, you guys.

[Lizzie]

I don't think that's for real, bro.

[Ryland]

Do you not appreciate a WI fry?

[Lizzie]

Is this just a Dave single with Krabby sauce? I think lots of cheese and lettuce.

[Ryland]

This has a cheese piece under and over the patty. That's pretty incredible.

[Lizzie]

Can we look up what's in an actual Krabby Patty.

[Chris]

Let me look up pickle, lettuce, buns, in that order.

[Ryland]

Well, Wendy's has a great burger.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, we love. We've always loved a Wendy's burger.

[Ryland]

But it's like a surprise to me every time. I don't know why I like, I.

[Lizzie]

It's like every day with you.

[Ryland]

I don't know why I put their burgers beneath me. You know, I just. Somehow I do.

[Chris]

It says the Krusty Krab restaurant. Bikini bottoms. Krabby Patty is made with buns, patty, pickles, lettuce, tomato, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard and onions.

[Ryland]

Yeah, that's all it says. Where in SpongeBob or Wendy's? In SpongeBob, isn't the secret sauce of.

[Lizzie]

Plankton's always trying to steal?

[Chris]

And then, let me see.

[Lizzie]

At Wendy's, what is Plankton always trying to steal?

[Chris]

The secret formula.

[Lizzie]

So what's the formula for the patty?

[Chris]

I don't know, actually. I never really thought about it.

[Lizzie]

We gotta get to the bottom of this.

[Ryland]

I think the entire burger itself. So you're trying to tell me it's not about crab?

[Lizzie]

I just don't know why a crab would eat other crabs.

[Ryland]

Well, me either. I think that's why it's ironic. I don't know. Mr. Krabs has a place that sells Krabby Patties.

[Chris]

Is the sauce. There is a Krabby Patty sauce. Is that the only, like, different thing?

[Ryland]

I think so. I think they were really lazy with this collab. I agree.

[Lizzie]

But they got us.

[Ryland]

They did get us. And honestly, they should put those shirts for sale because I'd probably buy one and I'm not even, like, a super spongebob fanatic.

[Lizzie]

No, but you do like shirts, and they're cute shirts. Yeah, I bet you can get a similar shirt at Hot Topic. And there you have it.

[Ryland]

What? You're trying to leave us? You're bored of us. You gotta go. You don't have to keep eating.

[Lizzie]

Look at my boobs. I don't want to be in this frame anymore. Make this stop. I want it to be over. I want to go home. And where I don't have to see that I look like this. And that's the sip.

[Ryland]

I love your Jennifer Aniston nipples.

[Lizzie]

How does she do it?

[Ryland]

I don't know.

[Lizzie]

This is demoralizing. It wouldn't be as bad if you couldn't see my fucking belly binding situation.

[Ryland]

I don't think you can.

[Lizzie]

I still can't.

[Ryland]

I can't see it. I think you've Got some guys jacking off to those hard nipples at home.

[Lizzie]

They're Silverettes. Can you hear them?

[Ryland]

I'm not even real.

[Chris]

It's loud.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, they're silver.

[Ryland]

Where do you place a Wendy's burger on your hierarchy of burger burgers?

[Lizzie]

Right below In n out.

[Ryland]

Really?

[Lizzie]

Yeah. I won't eat any other ones.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

I won't fuck with a Burger King. When they taste. Excuse me. They taste disgusting.

[Ryland]

Yeah, well, I don't know. I always get the chicken burger at Burger King, so I don't know because.

[Lizzie]

The burger is disgusting.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Chris]

Where would you put a Wendy's burger?

[Ryland]

I guess maybe second too.

[Lizzie]

Yeah. In n out, Wendy's, McDonald's and then never Burger King and never Carl's Jr. Chris.

[Ryland]

I don't know. I like a dollar chicken sandwich from Carl's Jr. At least. I used to. I. I was a kid.

[Chris]

I'm trying to like, think of all the other ones. I mean, it's definitely up there. It's definitely in my tops. For sure. I'd say top three.

[Lizzie]

What are your top three?

[Chris]

In n out for sure. I think we all agree on in n out.

[Ryland]

I saw somebody say habit was more popular than In n out. And I was like, there's no way.

[Lizzie]

The habit is inconvenient as fuck.

[Ryland]

It's right there.

[Lizzie]

I mean, in other situations.

[Ryland]

Oh, not presently. What do you hate about the habit?

[Lizzie]

It's just inconvenience opinion.

[Ryland]

I would. Can you elaborate?

[Lizzie]

I have to get out of my car.

[Ryland]

Oh, they don't have drive throughs. No. Oh, them.

[Lizzie]

But they're tempura green beans.

[Chris]

I really like a Five Guys burger.

[Lizzie]

I could get down with the Five guys. I'm talking about things we can drive through.

[Ryland]

They have the most unhealthy fries. We learned that on the stp.

[Chris]

I believe that.

[Ryland]

Five guys. Yeah, they're like. It's like loaded in grease and crazy salt. It was like the highest calorie fast food fry.

[Lizzie]

Wow.

[Chris]

Whenever I've gotten fries from them, the bottom of the bag is soaking wet. So I believe that sounds hot.

[Ryland]

Well, thank you, Wendy's. For my actual lunch. I don't think we needed the collab, but I had a good time.

[Lizzie]

I was way more excited and then I feel like I was let down.

[Ryland]

Well, yeah, they didn't do anything.

[Lizzie]

They did nothing.

[Ryland]

They were really lazy outside of getting the licensing for it. Like give us a box promotion. Exactly. Give us a toy.

[Lizzie]

Or at least give us a toy.

[Ryland]

I'm sorry. Okay, well, I'm glad that we all Love in and out as number one in our lives. Is In n Out number one in your life, huh?

[Chris]

Absolutely.

[Ryland]

Okay. There's something we all have in common.

[Lizzie]

He's not crazy.

[Ryland]

Not like our husband. Does your husband like an In N Out burger?

[Lizzie]

Yeah. But sometimes Joe's iffy about things, and then randomly, I'd be like, you love this. He'll like, no, I don't love that. And I'll be like, what?

[Chris]

So I have friends in my life who are like, I think people are, like, lying about how much they love In N Out. It's not that good. And I'm like, how can you possibly feel that way?

[Lizzie]

Yeah, I have some people who are like, in n out is just so overdone.

[Ryland]

And people that think their fries suck. I'm like, you suck. You suck. You suck in more than one way. Okay, well, this was fun.

[Lizzie]

This was a great time, everyone.

[Ryland]

Thank you for watching and supporting our show. Make sure you're following everyone. We're all linked in the description section below. And we'll see you next Wednesday. We love you very much. Goodbye. And that's the sip. Okay. As we're packing up and finishing our food, every one of us finished our burger. And we're always like, damn, that's a good burger.

[Lizzie]

It's a good burger.

[Ryland]

Wendy's fucks. I'm a satisfied customer.

[Chris]

Yeah, it's delicious.

[Lizzie]

I'd put my dick all the way in it.

[Ryland]

Also, another thing you started last week and then were judging us for. You were like, oh, I'd that. And then you were like, what's your guys's fascination with putting your dick in everything? And when I was editing it, I was like, lizzy started that. And then she scolded us for it.

[Lizzie]

She's weird.

[Ryland]

Whoa. She's postpartum.

[Lizzie]

I would be hypocritical like that.

[Ryland]

Never me. No, you wouldn't.

[Lizzie]

It doesn't sound like me.

[Ryland]

It honestly doesn't.

[Lizzie]

You might have misunderstood.

[Ryland]

I think I did.

[Lizzie]

Do I look better in the frame if I lean forward a bunch?

[Ryland]

I think you look great. That shirt does things for me. Like, I feel like.

[Lizzie]

I feel like Jennifer Aniston has the confidence of a million wolves.

[Ryland]

And I feel like you're Mandy more in the fall. You're headed to the pumpkin patch with your three kids and your husband. That, like, just pissed you. I'm not talking about Joe. I'm talking about Jack. He, like, just pissed you off.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, like, in a way that, like, made you a little way you're putting.

[Ryland]

It to the side until you get home and can it out of him.

[Lizzie]

You're going to fuck Milo.

[Ryland]

What does this but Vigamente.

[Lizzie]

Oh, really? It's that hard?

[Ryland]

Milo?

[Lizzie]

I guess there's a reason why. I don't know it. I think it's just. Milo.

[Ryland]

Don't you miss them on your TVs?

[Lizzie]

No, I can't do that right now. I would probably die the way that my hormones are right now. If I watch this is us. Send a fucking welfare check.

[Ryland]

Your hair is thick and full right now.

[Lizzie]

I've been taking vitamins three times a day. Otherwise I get really fat.

[Ryland]

That is thick and full. Wow. You're doing things for me today.

[Lizzie]

You're just saying that because I'm leaning forward. Because I hate my baby.

[Ryland]

Be careful or you might have another baby coming.

[Lizzie]

Not now.

[Chris]

Should I get out of here?

[Lizzie]

Yeah, probably. We would have a beautiful child.

[Ryland]

We really would.

[Lizzie]

We really would. We have a lot of similar traits.

[Ryland]

What do you mean? Personality wise and physically and. Oh, he'd be a real.

[Lizzie]

Can you imagine the worst part? So dumb and so funny. The worst part?

[Ryland]

Worst parts of both of us combined.

[Lizzie]

Oh, no.

[Ryland]

He'd be unbearable.

[Lizzie]

Do we have worse parts? I think we're great. I think there's a lot of good. There's a lot of good in us.

[Ryland]

I think the problem with both of us is how great we both think we are.

[Lizzie]

Is that a problem?

[Ryland]

I don't know.

[Lizzie]

I think in a world where I look like this, it's important for me to also think I'm great.

[Ryland]

All right. I honestly think you look good. I don't know what. I think. You're looking at yourself with a different lens.

[Lizzie]

I'm definitely doing some comparing and despairing.

[Ryland]

But between who? The Internet?

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Oh, stop that.

[Lizzie]

I'll stop it.

[Ryland]

That's bad.

[Chris]

Thank you for this. This is so good.

[Lizzie]

That's sick.

[Ryland]

I love.

[Chris]

I love all of it. I'm so.

[Ryland]

I think they should have mixed the frosty. I would rather.

[Lizzie]

I also think they need to not gaslight us and act like it's not fucking peach.

[Ryland]

I'd rather a chocolate. Oh, that was weird.

[Lizzie]

That was weird.

[Ryland]

It's not a pineapple.

[Lizzie]

It's not pineapple.

[Ryland]

And you know.

[Lizzie]

And we know.

[Chris]

Should we confront them?

[Lizzie]

I mean, we're doing it right now. This is. This is a big deal. This is a conspiracy. Call the police. Call Joe Biden. Full stop. I'm not gonna do this anymore. It's not pineapple and that's my truth.

[Ryland]

I would have preferred just a regular chocolate frosty.

[Lizzie]

Honestly, me too.

[Ryland]

Now that you all.

[Lizzie]

Or like, let me try a pineapple. Like, give me a dole whip.

[Ryland]

I guess I'm gonna use this trash can. Okay, goodbye, everybody.

[Lizzie]

I'm gonna just park in this handicap parking spot now, Sa.