The Chipotle Conspiracy TESTED AGAIN! with Shane Dawson!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Sip with Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon

Episode: The Chipotle Conspiracy TESTED AGAIN! with Shane Dawson!
Release Date: March 12, 2025
Host/Authors: Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon
Guest: Shane Dawson

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Introduction

In this lively and uncensored episode of The Sip with Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon, the dynamic duo delves into a myriad of topics ranging from personal anecdotes and pop culture critiques to intriguing conspiracies and listener advice. Joined by special guest Shane Dawson, the hosts navigate through humorous banter, heartfelt discussions, and even a live product test, ensuring that nothing is off-limits.

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1. The Chipotle Conspiracy Tested

The episode kicks off with a playful yet intense discussion about Chipotle’s portion sizes. Ryland and Lizze embark on a live experiment to compare Chipotle’s in-store versus to-go orders, scrutinizing whether the portions have changed over time.

• Notable Moment:
  • [57:21] Ryland Adams: "We did this thing at Chapman to see if their portions have changed. Spoiler alert: It’s kind of a shitload of grams."

As they weigh and compare different orders, the hosts humorously debate the consistency and reliability of Scale measurements, ultimately finding discrepancies that fuel their conspiracy theories.

• Notable Quote:
  • [64:17] Lizze Gordon: "That was it. We can't trust anyone for anything ever."

2. Personal Anecdotes and Humor

Throughout the episode, Ryland and Lizze share personal stories that range from humorous mishaps at Costco to the trials of parenting. Their candid conversations often veer into light-hearted arguments, showcasing their chemistry and ability to entertain listeners with relatable content.

• Waxing vs. Shaving:

  • [02:05] Ryland Adams: "At least it's not me fighting with you guys."
  • [11:05] Lizze Gordon: "You have hair on your shaft."

• Theme Park Adventures:

  • [27:28] Lizze Gordon: "He does scream the whole time. I'm numb."
  • [30:06] Lizze Gordon: "The first time we went to Six Flags, it was crazy."

3. Shopping at Costco

The hosts share their less-than-favorable experiences shopping at Costco, critiquing everything from the size of shopping carts to customer service mishaps.

• Notable Quote:
  • [04:07] Lizze Gordon: "Costco is where I get our fancy butt cream for all of our butt ailments."
  • [04:26] Ryland Adams: "Costco, you need to get a second size of cart that isn't a semi-truck."

4. Roller Coasters and Theme Parks

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing roller coasters and their impact on both the hosts and their grandparents. They reminisce about thrilling rides, share their fears, and laugh over past experiences at various theme parks.

• Notable Moment:
  • [28:09] Ryland Adams: "Is this paradise show that you're watching?"
  • [29:35] Lizze Gordon: "I feel like every time we get off them, it's everyone's favorite of the day because they're smooth, they're fun."

5. TV Shows and Celebrity Opinions

Ryland and Lizze critique popular TV shows like “Paradise” on Apple TV and “Love is Blind,” offering their honest (and sometimes harsh) opinions on the content and performances.

• Notable Quote:
  • [35:39] Lizze Gordon: "She was trying to promote her movie in Capri, but it’s just a dumpster fire."

6. Listener Advice Segment: Coming Out and Relationships

One of the most heartfelt segments involves a listener named Chris who confides in the hosts about realizing he is gay after being in a long-term relationship. Ryland and Lizze offer a mix of supportive and humorous advice, encouraging authenticity and open communication.

• Notable Quotes:
  • [72:44] Ryland Adams: "Just be gay. Be gay."
  • [75:50] Lizze Gordon: "The bad guy's not the person who's saying they're killing you. The bad guy's the person that's killing you."

7. Live Product Test: Chipotle's Honey Lime Chicken

Shane Dawson joins Ryland and Lizze to test Chipotle’s new Honey Lime Chicken. The segment includes real-time reactions, humorous struggles with ordering, and critiques of the portion sizes.

• Notable Moment:
  • [67:28] Chris: "I was sick all night from the sodium. But the honey chipotle chicken is incredible."
  • [72:46] Chris: "Be gay, dude."

8. Advertising Break

Mid-episode, there’s a brief sponsorship segment promoting Factor Meals and Harry’s shavers. Shane Dawson delivers an enthusiastic promo about the convenience and quality of Factor’s meals, highlighting their suitability for busy lifestyles.

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Conclusion

The episode wraps up with the hosts reflecting on their experiences throughout the day, continuing their humorous and candid conversation about food, personal struggles, and entertaining anecdotes. Their unfiltered dialogue, combined with Shane Dawson’s guest contributions, leaves listeners engaged and anticipating future episodes.

• Final Notable Quote:
  • [82:04] Chris: "We ranked all theme parks that we've been to in the last month, which is four. Basically all the big ones in California."

---

Highlights:

• Engaging and humorous banter between Ryland, Lizze, and Shane.
• Candid discussions on personal life, sexuality, and societal issues.
• Live testing of Chipotle’s new menu item with real-time reactions.
• Supportive advice segment addressing sensitive personal dilemmas.
• Honest critiques of popular TV shows and celebrities.

This episode exemplifies The Sip’s commitment to offering an uncensored and entertaining conversation, blending humor with heartfelt moments that resonate with a wide audience.

Transcript

[Lizzie Gordon]

Honey, stop shaving your asshole and start waxing. Just admitted he's Googled Rylan's dick. Dick pics.

[Ryland Adams]

Wow. Wow.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Chris just admitted that. Actually, he's the guy who broke into Rylan's phone and released all his dick pics.

[Ryland Adams]

Wow, Chris, you're not. Not only are you Deborah, but you're also.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You are Deborah.

[Ryland Adams]

I forget who it was that did. That.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Did what? Leaked.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah, it was like, some. They were promoting, you know. No, but they were promoting themselves after they got into my account and leaked my picture. Yeah, promoting themselves.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Chris, you just said. Yeah, me.

[Ryland Adams]

I leaked the pictures.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, my God, you're such a. I'm so uncomfortable. I can't. No, I can't do anything. You say you free.

[Ryland Adams]

At least it's not me fighting with you guys.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, but listen. So Chris is regularly trying to get us to get his mom to wax my vagina.

[Ryland Adams]

How much of a middle part do I have? Like, do I look like the mayor of Whoville?

[Lizzie Gordon]

No. Should I just look like his cousin? I think you're fine.

[Ryland Adams]

What? You want to see my dick, Chris?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Just fine.

[Ryland Adams]

I'll show it.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'll show his dick, too. Well, before I was show his dick.

[Ryland Adams]

I was trying to get my wrinkles in my shirt away, so I was like, oh, I'll just tuck the shirt in. Maybe that will help. And then, because I wear thongs, don't you dare try to tell me it's not a thought. I've been on a thong tour of America. I ordered skims thongs. I ordered to exist thongs.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Show the people.

[Ryland Adams]

Show the people they know what a thong is. Chris, are you on the thongs yet?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Show the people that what you're calling.

[Ryland Adams]

We're not doing G strings. We're just doing the tidy briefs.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Girl, Those are granny panties.

[Ryland Adams]

They are Speedos. Chris, what are you wearing? I mean, just to, like, show us your unboxer briefs or trunks.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Does your mother, who's a waxer, watch our podcast and call you and go, honey, stop shaving your asshole and start waxing? Does she do that? Does it make her skin crawl to know that you're shaving your butthole instead of waxing it?

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah, when she does that. As her profession, I've begged her to stop watching everything I make. And I think she's listened, hopefully because she's heard enough. Oh, I guess she doesn't want to know that you shave your. I think I said something at one point on Shane's podcast that she was like, you were right, and, like, she Stopped listening.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You're right. That's none of my business. That's for millions of other people, but not me.

[Ryland Adams]

I think this fabric is unforgiving on both of us. You need to turn that monitor around because I'm just looking at the wrinkles on my sweatshirt.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Also, don't lump me into your unforgivable.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, I didn't need that for both of us. Well, no, it's just the way that this fabric. I said, lucy, what are you wearing? Because I was between two options. One was more casual and cool. The other was this, because I've never worn it, and I got it at.

[Shane Dawson]

Target and it's too late to return.

[Ryland Adams]

It because I don't have a receipt.

[Lizzie Gordon]

It's such a weird choice for you, isn't it? It's like a Ned Flandersy. I love it.

[Ryland Adams]

You know, I. I was evacuated. I wasn't thinking straight. I had no clothes, and I was like, if it fits that, I'm gonna.

[Shane Dawson]

Have something to wear.

[Lizzie Gordon]

That's a lot how I feel right now.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, you're beautiful. You're gorgeous.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Like, I don't have any blood in my body.

[Chris]

What?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I don't know. I just feel like I look like I don't have any blood in my body.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, yeah.

[Lizzie Gordon]

It's a weird feeling. Can we just talk about this time? Change ruining everybody's mood?

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, everyone. Yesterday was acting like it was chill, and I was. I'm a happy girl. I'm not even gonna lie. Like, I don't want to flex on you hoes and be like, oh, I'm happy.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I am a happy, unbothered kid.

[Ryland Adams]

But I'm a happy girl. And yesterday I was unhappy. I was unhappy and unwell.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You know what? I woke up this morning fucking itchy, fucking starving and tired. And I am mad. I'm big mad. I'm big mad. Like, what? Like, I need to burn my living room.

[Ryland Adams]

That's how I felt yesterday. And I thought it was Sunday. Shane and I had plans to do, and I was just in a nasty mood. And it wasn't at him. Like, he did nothing. Yeah, it's just I could not get out of my nasty mood. And you were even like, can I come over and play? I was like, you don't want to encounter me right now. I'm being awful. I just like everything. So I tried taking a power nap. That didn't work. And I said to Shane, you know what? I have to leave the house. I'm going to yoga. I needed a little reset, and it worked.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, Nice. Good for you.

[Ryland Adams]

It worked.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah, I had a cute ass day yesterday. I bought a picnic blanket. If you don't have a picnic blanket and you have a baby, you're doing it wrong.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, did you not see my picnic blanket hanging on the fence drying?

[Lizzie Gordon]

No.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, I got the little waterproof ones.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Nice.

[Ryland Adams]

Did you get that too on Amazon.com?

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, I got mine at Costco. Oh, at Costco.

[Ryland Adams]

The worst place in the world.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You know what? I'm starting to feel that way. Oh, I truly loved Costco.

[Ryland Adams]

And I don't know how anyone could.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Well, it used to be, like, my safe place.

[Ryland Adams]

I don't know how. How could anyone walk into Costco and feel safe or relaxed?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'm going to say something that's probably going to be, like, upsetting to all of the people who go to Costco. I mean, but you guys are animals.

[Ryland Adams]

Idiots.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You guys are out of control.

[Ryland Adams]

You might as well leave this podcast right now. If you frequent Costco, you need to.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Chill the out and learn some social decorum. And that's coming from me.

[Ryland Adams]

And let me tell you, Costco, you need to get a second size of cart that isn't a semi truck.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Well, I don't know if I agree with that.

[Ryland Adams]

I agree with that. And then you don't get bags. They don't even offer the boxes anymore.

[Lizzie Gordon]

They do offer the. Offer the boxes, but it's like they make the box your problem. And do you remember when I was nine months pregnant and the guy was like, all right, box this shit up to me. And I wanted to be like, are you fucking kidding me?

[Ryland Adams]

At least you got offered a box.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No. He was like, go get your own boxes and box this shit up. And I like, almost started scream. Crying and screaming at him.

[Shane Dawson]

I remember.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oof. Anyway, Costco is where I get our fancy butt cream for all of our butt ailments.

[Ryland Adams]

They have the pink cream.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yes.

[Ryland Adams]

The one that I've turned you on to.

[Lizzie Gordon]

The pink cream that's in a green tube.

[Ryland Adams]

Yes.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah. For those of you who are looking for the magic cream, we don't know what it's called.

[Ryland Adams]

It starts with a C. It starts with a C. Almost. That's close call, Mo.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yes.

[Ryland Adams]

I went to a butt doctor and they told me that's the one. If it's burning, it's working.

[Lizzie Gordon]

If it's burning, it's working.

[Ryland Adams]

I'll never forget the first time I gave it to you. First of all, I don't know why, girl. I guess I don't have a vagina. But women don't seem to like bidets. At least not in the front. Every. Every girl has felt violated that's ever sat on any of my bidets. But. So I think it was a two for one. It was the first time Lizzie had tried the bidet and I offered her the cream. So she's screaming about the bidet, I hand her the cream, and then seconds later she's like, it's burning. My ass is on fire. No, it's working. It's working.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And now I love the burn. And sometimes I just recreationally burn my ass.

[Ryland Adams]

How do you put it on?

[Lizzie Gordon]

With my finger. Like we can read that.

[Ryland Adams]

Chris. Chris, turn on your mic and read it like an adult. Read it like an adult. Read it. I don't know how to pronounce it.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah. So you were going to make us look like dummies?

[Ryland Adams]

Call Mo. This is his plan. Call mosepteam.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Fuck, I looked it up for you.

[Ryland Adams]

You know what? Should I shift my fighting from you to him?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Always. Chris, you know we can't read. I don't know.

[Ryland Adams]

Call Mo. Septine. I wish Chris did something wrong so I could start a fight with him.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I mean, that was pretty wrong. Trying to show the world we don't know how to read. Yeah, like we need to be exposed further after you've leaked his dick pics and fucking dragging me in the comments, you Deborah ass bitch.

[Ryland Adams]

Did we even expose it? I didn't leak it. I was just saying that if it were out right now, you would look. I would, If I'm being honest.

[Chris]

I mean, you could Google it.

[Ryland Adams]

I would look.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You could Google it.

[Ryland Adams]

Is it really still on the Internet? I'm sure that would be weird. I don't think I could do that.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I've never googled it.

[Ryland Adams]

Chris's boyfriend walks into him.

[Lizzie Gordon]

But he's so skinny.

[Ryland Adams]

Anyway, what's your skinny celebrity crush? Oh, I don't think I.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Here goes. You.

[Ryland Adams]

Really? Not one? I don't think so. I can't think of one. What's your type?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Gosh, I think I like a big, strong man.

[Ryland Adams]

So you like Chris Pratt, too?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, who doesn't? I think both our husbands are within the Chris Pratt realm. Realm.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah.

[Ryland Adams]

So we chose our realm.

[Lizzie Gordon]

We chose a realm.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah. So anyway, I was at Costco.

[Ryland Adams]

Why do you keep using the hard T?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I don't know. I'm trying to get engagement. I feel like I have a cute if I keep saying Costco. Weird people in the country like, hey.

[Ryland Adams]

Why do you think I've had a weird accent and couldn't pronounce anything for years.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Rylan's actually the most eloquent, well spoken, broken I've ever met. He does this for engagement.

[Ryland Adams]

My long con, everyone.

[Lizzie Gordon]

That's professionalism. I'm a genius.

[Ryland Adams]

I've never used the word like in my life. I'm eloquent.

[Lizzie Gordon]

He actually says deal, and it's so funny.

[Ryland Adams]

Isn't that crazy that that sounds wrong now? Deal. So you're kidding me. When people watch Deal or no Deal, they say it like that?

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, they all definitely say dill or no dill.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, well, you're going really strong in the opposite direction.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I don't know that I am, sweetie.

[Ryland Adams]

It's no fun when we're friends.

[Lizzie Gordon]

So I go up to the booth, or what's it called? The pharmacy at Costco, and I say, ew.

[Ryland Adams]

You go to the Costco pharmacy?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah, of course. Honestly, I've never really needed to go to a pharmacy before, and so it's just convenient.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, wow. That's your big flex.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah.

[Ryland Adams]

I guess you've never had to go to a pharmacy. You're just that healthy.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I went to a pharmacy one time for my skin function.

[Ryland Adams]

What? You've never gone to a pharmacy?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Not as an adult. Really? No.

[Ryland Adams]

Are you kidding me? I go to pharmacies.

[Lizzie Gordon]

For what?

[Ryland Adams]

Anything.

[Lizzie Gordon]

What's wrong with you?

[Ryland Adams]

A lot of right now Shane keeps telling me I have, like. Oh, that.

[Lizzie Gordon]

What?

[Ryland Adams]

He put tattoos all over my face last week, and I forgot I had them. I went to hot yoga yesterday and took off my shirt.

[Lizzie Gordon]

The tattoos on?

[Ryland Adams]

Well, I had tried scrubbing them off, but they don't scrub off. And here's the thing. When he convinced me that I was the one that needed to have the tattooed face for the thumbnail and the promotion, I agreed.

[Lizzie Gordon]

He could have just put a filter on you.

[Ryland Adams]

He wouldn't let me wash them off right after the podcast because he wanted to watch Drag Race. And I said, I think I should get them off asap. And he goes, no, it's fine. I've worn them before. They just come right off.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Right off.

[Ryland Adams]

They come right off. It's been a week. We see it, and I've been scrubbing so hard that I've been bleeding. I mean, I've gotten it. Oh, you want me to untuck my shirt now? Can you see the remnants on my neck?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, there's a black dot.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, my whole.

[Lizzie Gordon]

There's five black dots.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah. And then my whole arm is just black dots. And I went to yoga yesterday, I was like, oh, my God. They think I'm disease ridden.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryland Adams]

And they're all working out next to me.

[Lizzie Gordon]

That's for sure. Leprosy.

[Ryland Adams]

And so Shane thinks I have ringworm because I go to yoga so much. And now I'm. I'm a little itchy on my inner thighs.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And I'm like, well, haven't you been shaving there?

[Ryland Adams]

No.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You told me you had been.

[Ryland Adams]

I've been trimming to the lowest degree in my crotch recently.

[Lizzie Gordon]

That might be what's going on.

[Ryland Adams]

I don't shave my crotch because then when it grows back, it's just so bad. Well, if you're sick, Chris, show us your shave dick.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You shave your dick. Hold on. Your dick. Like, the actual dick around it.

[Ryland Adams]

There's no hair. The actual what? You have no hair on your shaft. It's just never grown in.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You have hair on your shaft.

[Ryland Adams]

Wait, hold on. Are you fucking hair on the. There's some hair on the shaft. I mean, like, not on the top. Would you say I have the shaft? Not, like, towards the head?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Not like the way Chris just took two hands and went towards the head? Is.

[Ryland Adams]

I'm not. What did they say is out there running in the wild, huh?

[Lizzie Gordon]

A Sasquatch.

[Ryland Adams]

The hairy men.

[Lizzie Gordon]

A Sasquatch. Remember the Hairy.

[Ryland Adams]

I'm not a Bigfoot.

[Lizzie Gordon]

The Hairy men.

[Ryland Adams]

The hairy men. Oh, what a nightmare that would be. Can you imagine giving a blowjob to a Sasquatch? Or what is it called? Yo.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And how come we never see the dick of the hairy men in the Bigfoot?

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, Bigfoot. Imagine giving a blowjob to Bigfoot. When you get a stray hair in your mouth while giving a blowjob, there's nothing worse. And then you're, like, breaking. And you can never get it. Why is it that you can never find it?

[Lizzie Gordon]

You're like, some of the world's densest, thickest, darkest hairs. Where is it? Where is that?

[Ryland Adams]

And then it gets caught in your tooth like floss. And you're like, this is over.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I wasn't gonna.

[Ryland Adams]

This is fun. Okay, I'm gonna have to hire somebody else to finish this.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Literally vomit. Just talking about it as a woman.

[Ryland Adams]

That doesn't give blow.

[Lizzie Gordon]

As a woman who literally barely gives a blow job, like, sometimes I think.

[Ryland Adams]

About it and I go, no wonder your husband's nasty to you.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Honestly, is he even nasty? He told Bubs to shut up this morning, and I took it personally. And I was. And I was like, it's okay, Bubble. And he goes, why do you always do that? Why do you always take his side? And it's like, cuz I feel bad when you tell him to shut up. It's not nice. It's not nice. I do and I feel. And he's like, well, you're always. And it's like, right? Because he's a tiny little fucking idiot.

[Ryland Adams]

Like, I constantly get mad at Shane as if he hasn't loved our animals enough. I'm like, have you loved them enough today, Honestly? What have you done to show the dogs that you love them today? And it's like, he's always loving them. And I'm like, what have you done, though?

[Lizzie Gordon]

But what have you done for them? Joe's like, I made for them from hand. I fed the little one with my hand.

[Ryland Adams]

They're not going to be here forever. What did you do to show them love?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Can you not say shut up to him anymore? I'm sure his barking is fucking cut to me being like, shut the fuck up. I'm so sorry, but you just really have to understand. Mommy's got rage in her heart.

[Ryland Adams]

It's crazy that you didn't wake up yesterday with Rach, but today.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Do you want to know what happened to me at Costco or don't you?

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, I think this is like the long con.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Does anyone want to know?

[Ryland Adams]

I mean, they do, and they're going to get so mad at me for not letting you finish your story. So here.

[Lizzie Gordon]

So I went to buy the butt cream at Costco at the pharmacy.

[Ryland Adams]

How many do you get at a time?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Okay, so this is. This is what happened. I said, give me one tube. And he went, just one.

[Ryland Adams]

He's in.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I was like, do you watch the.

[Ryland Adams]

Sip podcast with Ryland Adams and Lizzie Gordon?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I was like, yeah, just the one. He's like, are you sure? Press me on it. I was like, yeah, I'm sure. I've been using it for what, four years? I probably buy a tube a year. Oh, how many do you use?

[Ryland Adams]

I mean, not a lot. My hemorrhoids haven't been popping lately.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I mean, my hemorrhoids do be popping and I'm still just using a tube a year.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, so, like.

[Lizzie Gordon]

But like, what was that? Like, why was he like, are you sure?

[Ryland Adams]

Like, did you ask me if he frequents the product?

[Lizzie Gordon]

It was just the weirdest thing. I was like, let me get one. He's like, just one or she just.

[Ryland Adams]

Trying to pick a fun fight with you because he wants to talk?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I don't know. I Don't know. And then at the checkout, they were like, oh, your picture is crazy. On my executive card. It is. It's crazy.

[Ryland Adams]

How much does an executive card run a person?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I don't know. Oh, But I feel like it's worth its weight in gold now.

[Ryland Adams]

She likes Costco again. Where are you going?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'm gonna show you my picture. Because the guy was like, you can come back and take another picture. I was like, oh, okay.

[Ryland Adams]

So he didn't think he looked good enough.

[Lizzie Gordon]

He goes, you can put makeup on and come back and take another picture.

[Ryland Adams]

Who owns Costco?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah, who owns Costco?

[Ryland Adams]

Who is the big guy at the top?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Do you think he's a big guy?

[Ryland Adams]

I think everyone at the top is problematic, and we pick and choose. Who is the problematic est.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I think Costco might be severely problematic. Atm. Oh, my God.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, you have to sign in.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah, believe. Can you believe I have to sign in? What if Costco was like.

[Ryland Adams]

I felt like I was going somewhere before you had to finish this Costco story.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, I think you were just complaining about your husband not being nicest. Nicer to your dogs. I got a new phone, so there it is.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, is that even smaller than mine?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Look at my picture.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, you look like you've just checked out of prison.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah.

[Ryland Adams]

And you're re entering the world.

[Lizzie Gordon]

That's why he was.

[Ryland Adams]

You can. How do we get to your photos? Am I gonna see a dick pic if I open your photos? Oh, my God.

[Lizzie Gordon]

What?

[Ryland Adams]

Your apps are black. How did you do that?

[Lizzie Gordon]

My screen. All my screen's black.

[Ryland Adams]

How did you do that?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I don't know.

[Ryland Adams]

Is this focused, Chris? Oh, don't pull. Focus. It's fine. I'll send it to you. I'll send it to you right now.

[Lizzie Gordon]

So the guy goes, this is a crazy picture. I go, yeah. I call it my I just killed my husband picture. And he goes, you can put makeup on and come back and take another. Can you believe that? I was like, okay, thank you. I'm going to go. I'm going to box my own shit up. And I'm going to go, oh, I.

[Ryland Adams]

Was just talking about my day yesterday.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryland Adams]

I woke up to the dreaded sound of oh, that's.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And I was like, honestly, triggeringly, I.

[Ryland Adams]

Hope to God honey's on her bed that I have three blankets on top of. Turns out she was on my bed. And it went through my bedspread to my duvet. Duvet. To my white bed, and then hit my rug and three pillows on the Way down. So I spent the first hour of my day getting yellow stomach bile out of all of my white linens.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Tell them why she threw up.

[Ryland Adams]

Because she chewed some plastic like a dumb whore in the yard. I got scared that you were gonna, like, cancel me in real time, so I stumbled over all of it.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Poor honey. Ron Va. Chris, can you look into.

[Ryland Adams]

Like, what he's done wrong, though?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Leak his dick pics, Chris, while you're at it.

[Ryland Adams]

No, it's fine. I don't need to take Costco down. Not today.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I think Costco might be in good favor with the people at present.

[Ryland Adams]

Really?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah, maybe.

[Shane Dawson]

Whatever.

[Ryland Adams]

People love Costco. Who am I to yuck their yummy?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Don't yuk a yum.

[Ryland Adams]

I never. I'm not that kind of girl.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I honestly feel like we need to make a song like don't yuck my yum.

[Ryland Adams]

And then Lizzie said, wow, if my dog threw up, the way I'd be running to the er And I was like, I saw. What needed to come up, came up. It's over.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Do you know what's crazy?

[Ryland Adams]

What?

[Lizzie Gordon]

My beautiful, sweet French bulldog, who gets everything that he wants in this entire world and literally sits on a chair at the dinner table now. Pissed my bed last night, violently entered my bedroom and took a piss right on my side of the bed, and then exited the chat after he'd been outside all day. Gets access to the outside all day. First time in his life. He goes, no, I'm gonna piss in this bed right where my.

[Ryland Adams]

Do you have an extra set of sheets?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I have multiple sets of sheets, and I have a waterproof sheet underneath it because I was like, oh, we're having a baby. We should put a waterproof sheet on it. So if the baby's naked and he pisses the bed, it's no big deal. Turns out, needed that because my other baby was gonna piss the bed.

[Shane Dawson]

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[Ryland Adams]

We talked about how you play co sleep.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I don't think I've talked publicly about how we play co sleep. Is that sick? Is that toxic? Should we not tell the people about that? Is that private? I play co sleep with my son, okay? I'm desperate to co sleep. I call my friends who do co sleep with their children. I say tell me about it in great detail. Tell me what it. What's it like? Like, how do you guys go to bed? What's the deal? Are you cuddling?

[Ryland Adams]

What is it like?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I don't know.

[Ryland Adams]

It does sound nice.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I feel like I keep asking for more details from like, I don't know. We just go to bed and I'm like, no.

[Ryland Adams]

Like, but, but when they start moving, how do you know that the baby's not down and out in the kitchen?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Well, they know I guess. What? Like my. I don't want to out anyone if it's a secret.

[Ryland Adams]

Don't tell anyone. Nobody's gonna know who you're talking about.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Someone said a lot of their kid goes like, hi mama. Good morning mama. Which is like, that's so cute.

[Ryland Adams]

I can't wait. I. I mean co sleeping is so unpopular on the Internet and I could never. Just because I'd be so. I was.

[Lizzie Gordon]

When we play co Sleep. My son is awake. I am awake. I'm just grabbing him in my bed.

[Ryland Adams]

And cuddling with him. It's. Yeah, it's them laying in their bed during a wake window for. Which is crazy, because I know a lot of people in my real life that co sleep, and it's like, it's just the Internet that's like, don't do it. I was too afraid in general when we had newborns, just of everything.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And the first night I brought Billy home, I held him in his little burrito swaddle on my chest, and was just awake holding him like this to keep him in place. And then I was like, what the fuck am I doing? I need to put this in his bassinet. Like, this is not it. I was like, he's gonna be fine.

[Ryland Adams]

I'm putting this basket the issue. I. I mean, maybe it's not an issue, but then you're stuck. If your baby's co sleeping, it's like, how do you ever get them to stop co sleeping?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah, and then they get big.

[Shane Dawson]

Yeah.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And also, like, how does bedtime work? Like, do you go to bed at the same time your baby goes to bed?

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, that would be awful.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'm looking forward to great detail. Someone talked to me about co sleeping. I love it.

[Ryland Adams]

Tell us a great detail how you co sleep.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Because, like, part of me, like, I'm like, oh, my God, this is so awesome. And then the other part of me is like, when do you shower?

[Ryland Adams]

I'm just waiting until they're big enough. Where on, like, weekends, once they wake up, they can run up to the bedroom and we can hang out for like an hour before we go down and get breakfast. And that will be my version of co sleeping.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Playing co sleep. But yeah, no, we play co sleep. Mommy's tired. We're gonna play co sleep bio.

[Ryland Adams]

What do you mean about your baby's food schedule?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, did you know that there's, like, schedules for feeding them?

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah.

[Lizzie Gordon]

That seems like one too many.

[Ryland Adams]

There's schedules for everything.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I know, but it's like, how many schedules do there have to be? Like, what?

[Ryland Adams]

Well, you already know. This is why I go crazy. Such as the sensory play Instagram reels. I'm also on the food Instagram reels. And it's all these moms doing better than me at feeding their kids 17 times a day with 17 snacks, all homemade. And at what specific.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Your kids eat homemade food.

[Ryland Adams]

I know, but their meals are arguably better than mine.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Why? Cuz they cut their sandwiches to look like hearts. Why Are you guys doing that?

[Ryland Adams]

I don't know.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Your kids don't care.

[Ryland Adams]

They don't care at all.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You guys don't give a about that heart shaped sandwich. And by the way, unless you made that bread, it's full of stuff that's going to kill him anyway.

[Ryland Adams]

Everything is lately.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, but like literally, like I don't feel comfortable giving him a strawberry cuz I'm like it's covered in pesticides.

[Ryland Adams]

Even the organic ones.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No. I've been thinking I need to go to Erewhan and get him some of those 18 strawberries.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, it's. Well that's a single strawberries, the 22. But they do have a. Like a pack is 18. I went to grab it the other day and Morgan's like, that's $18. I was like, oh my God. I didn't look. So I went for the cheaper. There's. They put the expensive ones right at the beginning of the store. That's beautiful. And it's like they're so ripe and perfect, but they're $18.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Honestly, I feel like I'm so scared of some foods. I would spring for the 18 box of strawberries just because I keep hearing like all strawberries are pesticides. Like, what?

[Ryland Adams]

Really?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah. And I don't know where I'm hearing it, but I feel like I hear it every day.

[Ryland Adams]

Here's the thing. I feel like everything has become filled with chemicals. Our water bottles are killing us. I heard today on the podcast that like our pillows are killing us now and we need to get pill and that's the way I'm just like, if we're so scared of everything.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, but like we should be because like low key capitalism wants us dead. Which is crazy because you need us. You need us.

[Ryland Adams]

Do they in a couple of years there will be robots?

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, but then what? But we can't afford to buy the that they sell to us to keep them rich and to keep us enslaved. Can afford the things that you're trying to sell us that kill us or we're literally just dead. Who the is gonna finance your islands, stupids?

[Ryland Adams]

I wish I could have followed that.

[Lizzie Gordon]

For those of you following like, honestly, I'm okay with being at the bottom of the food chain, but it's like, stop trying to kill me.

[Ryland Adams]

It's just, it's hard.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'm fine with my little nothing irrelevant life, but like stop trying to.

[Ryland Adams]

You had to make me fearful of red dye 40. And then it's like, but now the water bottles have so many microplastics we're all already dead. And then it's like, now I've learned my pillows aren't safe. Our pans are no longer safe. You have to get the wooden spoons. You can't have the plastic spatula. It's like, oh, my God.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Well, that's the thing.

[Ryland Adams]

And it's like, if we're not doing the first, maybe the answer isn't to.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Roll over and take it.

[Ryland Adams]

Listen, I'm saying if I'm complying with the first 700 things I've heard of, we turn around and we realize there's 1700 things that are killing.

[Lizzie Gordon]

But do you realize that the bad guy's not the person who's saying they're killing you? Right. The bad guy's the person that's killing you.

[Ryland Adams]

I understand.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You agree.

[Ryland Adams]

Do you think they all set out to kill?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yes, I do. I think they don't give a flying. I think if it's cheaper to make a pan that's got carcinogens in it, they're gonna make the cheaper version of the pan and they're going to charge us.

[Ryland Adams]

Everyone's waking up to all of this.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And why are you mad at people who are telling you you're being murdered? Kill the murderer, bro, not the messenger, okay? Period. Thank you. Chris is quietly snapping and holding up a little sign.

[Ryland Adams]

Fine. I just, like, can they just incorporate it and that will be what I buy.

[Lizzie Gordon]

That's what I'm saying. Like, can you.

[Ryland Adams]

I don't want to be shamed, though, for, like, not having known there were chemicals in my pillows.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Girly, you're not being shamed.

[Ryland Adams]

They're like, you're being turned this into a sensory thing.

[Lizzie Gordon]

It's not a sensory thing.

[Ryland Adams]

Like, I'm being victimized by this.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, wait, are you not. I think you're acting like you're being victimized by it. You just said.

[Ryland Adams]

I'm just saying we're being killed regardless. If it's not by all of the things that we're using.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Shut up and get killed.

[Ryland Adams]

If it's not by all. If it's not by all of it.

[Lizzie Gordon]

It'S no fun when you complete. Are you gonna make me start this.

[Ryland Adams]

Sentence seven more times?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah, go ahead. I dare you. Monkey, monkey, monkey.

[Ryland Adams]

If it's not by all of the products in our households, then it's going to be by AI. We're dead already. This is a universe we might as well just all enjoy.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Everyone just shut up and love your murder.

[Ryland Adams]

Exactly.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You're slow death.

[Ryland Adams]

I've been to three theme parks in one week. And I think it's starting to make me loopy.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah, obviously. I mean, I was.

[Ryland Adams]

Are you going to tell me? That's killing me now. Too fun. My mom.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah. Is. Is she okay?

[Ryland Adams]

No. She's become a roller coaster enthusiast, too.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And can you put up the picture of your mom that you sent me from Six Flags, please? She does not look like an enthusiast. To that picture.

[Ryland Adams]

We started at Disneyland, right? Everyone was along for that adventure on Shane's channel. Yeah, it's fine. It's cute. But then we hit Knott's Berry Farm, which this is where we fall in love with roller coasters.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Honestly, I was told that Knott's Berry Farm was between Disneyland and Six Flags, and to me, that sounded doable. It is not. It is a hardcore theme park with gnarly roller coaster.

[Ryland Adams]

Coaster driven park. And it is.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You know what's annoying?

[Ryland Adams]

Exhilarating.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I want Coaster City to be an alliteration, but it's not. Really, though, both of them start with C. And what the is that about? Do I have to explain what alliteration is?

[Ryland Adams]

Isn't it just two words that. No, kid, you tell me. I don't know how to explain it.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I thought you were just gonna be a and we'd move on. No, it's like two of the same letter at the beginning of a sentence.

[Ryland Adams]

So then it is an alliteration.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Angry aardvark is alliteration.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay.

[Lizzie Gordon]

The Coaster City.

[Ryland Adams]

A little bit of tinnitus. The ringing in the ears. Yeah, the coasters knocked the ringing out of her.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Shook it out.

[Ryland Adams]

It came back a little less a few days later, but for a few days, she had no ringing after the coasters. And I was like, oh, my God, is this the solution to everyone that has tinnitus?

[Lizzie Gordon]

That's interesting, because I did lose my hearing when we went on. That was it. The Silver Bullet accelerator that goes 82.

[Ryland Adams]

Miles an hour out the jump. So fun, so fresh, so crazy, so cool.

[Lizzie Gordon]

This bitch was screaming the whole time. I'm numb. I'm numb. Like the gayest he's ever been is on a roller coaster screaming for his life. Oh, no.

[Ryland Adams]

The only roller coasters I can't do are the ones that lie you flat and make you feel like you're a superman. Because they just don't feel like I'm secure enough. And it's the unpopular opinion because every time we get off them, it's everyone's favorite of the day because they're smooth, they're fun. You do see a lot of the park, but I just feel like in any second, it's going to malfunction and I'm dropping face forward to my death.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Did you go on Goliath?

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, yes.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, my God.

[Ryland Adams]

Hell, yeah. I wanted to go twice, but we were running out of time. Oh, it was so good.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Crazy. I literally.

[Ryland Adams]

That's a Six Flags, if you know me.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You know, I disassociate like that.

[Ryland Adams]

And I. To prepare for our Six Flags trip this time. I watched the vlog of you and I going last time.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, you were disassociating in the same way back then.

[Lizzie Gordon]

It was crazy.

[Ryland Adams]

I didn't know it.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Like, since 1990, Baby Thistle will leave my body every time she's ever been on a coaster. Literally, immediately.

[Ryland Adams]

It's so exhilarating, though. And my mom, at 62, she's like, wow, I'm addicted to roller coasters. At first she was hesitant on everyone that we would enter, and then she'd be like, every after. Every time, I was so glad that I went. And it is this thing that. It's, like, so scary and.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yes. Ah.

[Ryland Adams]

So fun.

[Lizzie Gordon]

It's like. It's like controlled terror.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah.

[Lizzie Gordon]

So. And that I get. I. I enjoy it as well.

[Ryland Adams]

With a real risk.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I enjoy it more when I'm next to you and you're screaming and at your gayest. It's my favorite part of.

[Ryland Adams]

Even though you're not a great roller coaster partner, because you're gone, I'm gone. You can. She can hear me screaming in her disassociation, but I'm, like, alone by myself, being like, I wish I had somebody here with me. I wish I had somebody here with me. Looking at the ground 500ft below me being like, are you here?

[Lizzie Gordon]

And she's like, no, I'm not here. We did one with Shane at Knott's Berry Farm, where it goes up and then just drops down. And at the top of the ride, Shane kept screaming to Rylan, open her eyes, Open her eyes.

[Ryland Adams]

And so now Shane. I've created a monster out of Shane. I don't know what is with him, but he's too much fun lately. He's, like, looking up different theme parks in America that we can go to. He's like, well, Lagoon, which is my childhood theme park in Utah. He's like, on jsx, it's only an hour and a half plane ride. We could just go. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. He's exhausting me with how much fun he is.

[Lizzie Gordon]

How. How far is the drive from JSX in Utah to the theme park?

[Ryland Adams]

25 minutes. And I have so many friends in Utah, they'd pick us up.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Who the fuck are you friends with in Utah?

[Ryland Adams]

A lot of. I grew up in Utah.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Name one friend.

[Ryland Adams]

Maddie.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Okay.

[Ryland Adams]

Tyler Larkin.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Show me a text convo you've had with them within the last year.

[Ryland Adams]

Are you kidding me?

[Lizzie Gordon]

You talk to these people?

[Ryland Adams]

Maddie just redid my sister's house.

[Lizzie Gordon]

What?

[Ryland Adams]

Did you not watch any of her videos?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I didn't realize that was your friend.

[Ryland Adams]

Yes, wow. Of course.

[Lizzie Gordon]

But she lives in Utah.

[Ryland Adams]

Kids. And one of them's named Ryan after you.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, I really.

[Ryland Adams]

I would like to return the favor and rename. Rename. Name my daughter Madison. Or Maddie. But there's so many of them. My. So I don't know.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Have you been keeping this woman from me?

[Ryland Adams]

Are you kidding me?

[Lizzie Gordon]

You want to name a child Madison? And I'm sitting right.

[Ryland Adams]

I love that name. Maddie or Madison.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Does it have anything to do with Madison, or is this just because you like the name?

[Ryland Adams]

I mean, it's because I've always loved her name. Her mom, Kathy, named her Maddie, and I've always loved it.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Okay, well, nice to meet you, Madison.

[Ryland Adams]

Kathy really did the thing when she named her four children.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah, I've always thought that super unique.

[Ryland Adams]

Tyler. I love the name Tyler. Shout out. Tyler, Maddie, Sammy.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I feel like I've known you for over 10 years and I've never heard about these people.

[Ryland Adams]

That's crazy.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Well, that's good to know that there's more competition.

[Ryland Adams]

So, anyways, they're gonna take us to the lagoon. They don't know about it yet, but they will.

[Lizzie Gordon]

We'll have fun.

[Ryland Adams]

No, you're invited. Are you coming?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Are you naming any of your children?

[Ryland Adams]

You won't even come hang out with me.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Ugliest alpaca. You'll just name your ugliest alpaca after me, but you'll name your firstborn daughter Madison. Congratulations, Maddie.

[Ryland Adams]

That alpaca is a redhead and it has the biggest personality, so you're welcome.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And also, she's the only one that fucks.

[Ryland Adams]

What?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Period.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay. Okay. You won't even hang out with me because I tried to come over yesterday.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And you said I'm awful.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, yeah, I was. You did not want to be around me yesterday.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, it's fine. No, it's fine. I'm sure Maddie was here and you guys are having a great time.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, I love this. Jealousy.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, I literally, like, I literally don't even care.

[Ryland Adams]

You have so much.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I've always loved the name Madison. Also. I've also could, like many times thought I could name a daughter Madison. Could name a son Madison. It's a good name.

[Ryland Adams]

It is.

[Lizzie Gordon]

It's a great name.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay. When are you gonna be done breastfeeding? I'm just asking.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I think I'm going for the year.

[Ryland Adams]

Until you transfer to just whole milk. Wow. We have six more months of you not being able to join us on fun excursions.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Well, unless I bring my baby, and he is very fun.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah, we can bring.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I feel like we're moments away from having that kid on a leash and he's just running for it. You know what I'm saying?

[Ryland Adams]

No. We're gonna go to Universal with the kids.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah.

[Ryland Adams]

And not the zoo.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Not the zoo.

[Ryland Adams]

We would never go to the zoo.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No. Let's go to the aquarium. Are both evil? Is the aquarium evil?

[Ryland Adams]

I don't know.

[Lizzie Gordon]

The aquarium of the Pacific?

[Ryland Adams]

I don't know what's woke.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, but you're. Never mind.

[Ryland Adams]

But I'm. What? I love. Nothing.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I was just gonna.

[Ryland Adams]

I'm so curious.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'm just gonna give you again for being like, let the corporations kill us and shut the up.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay. What's this paradise show that you're watching?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, my God.

[Ryland Adams]

What is it? Tell me about it.

[Lizzie Gordon]

So in all my postpartum days, I have yet to find a TV show where I'm like, I cannot get enough of this right. I need to. Paradise on Apple tv. Watched it stemmed astern in like a day while being a full time mother. I don't know any of their names, but they're like huge actors. It's one of the. It's the adopted brother from this Is Us. There's three kids.

[Ryland Adams]

Sterling K. Brown.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Sure.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah.

[Lizzie Gordon]

It might be the first time I've heard his name.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay.

[Lizzie Gordon]

As I could.

[Ryland Adams]

What's his name in the show?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I don't know their names in the show either. Oh, I know the sister's name is Kate because I can hear them all.

[Ryland Adams]

Being like Kate and every person you know is Kate.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, yeah. That's probably why couldn't tell you the mom's name. Dad's name is Jack. Jack.

[Ryland Adams]

I love that. So what else do I get to cry to now?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Nothing.

[Ryland Adams]

Nothing.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Nothing makes me cry. Good. Paradise.

[Ryland Adams]

Will it make me cry? Is that the one with James Marston? I do love him. He's so.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yes, it is the one with James Marsden.

[Ryland Adams]

He's so charming.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I sold him jewelry at Pyrrha.

[Ryland Adams]

And was he charming in real life?

[Lizzie Gordon]

He was charming in real life too.

[Ryland Adams]

Wow. Was he trying to you?

[Lizzie Gordon]

No.

[Ryland Adams]

Could your baby have been his?

[Lizzie Gordon]

No.

[Ryland Adams]

No, no. Okay.

[Lizzie Gordon]

He's also not in the wheelhouse of my type.

[Ryland Adams]

Really?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah. I like a fair.

[Ryland Adams]

You don't like talented and funny and charming?

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, I love talented, funny and charming. But like, Joe's like a Viking. Like, he's like blonde and blue eyes.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay.

[Lizzie Gordon]

What does that you like A ginger.

[Ryland Adams]

Wow.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Is Maddie a redhead? Oh, well, what does Maddie look like? Did she bounce back really quick after having a. She did.

[Ryland Adams]

She goes to Orange Theory seven days a week and she holds like, all the goals at her class. Do you want me to show you? Where's my phone? She's like, oh, no. Are you guys going to cancel me again? God forbid.

[Lizzie Gordon]

What if I just start crying? Like, good for Maddie. Like, I look like I've had three kids, so it's kind of the same thing.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, her kids are really cute too.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Well, my kid is very cute.

[Ryland Adams]

Look at this perfect little family.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Damn, they are in Utah. Damn, Maddie, you are cute.

[Ryland Adams]

Hold on. I was gonna show you how fit she.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Her kids are old, though.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, geez. And she's younger than us.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Whoa.

[Ryland Adams]

She's got all these kids and she's younger than us. This is Ryan.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, gosh.

[Ryland Adams]

I don't know if she wants me putting her Instagram photos on a public platform. So we shouldn't be reacting to them live if I can't show them.

[Lizzie Gordon]

But I will say this. Maddie be looking right.

[Ryland Adams]

She does look right.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Maddie knows how to dress herself.

[Ryland Adams]

Theory before her kids wake up every day.

[Lizzie Gordon]

What time is that?

[Ryland Adams]

Like a 5am class.

[Lizzie Gordon]

God damn. Do I ever do that?

[Ryland Adams]

I will never.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I tried for a week and I couldn't.

[Ryland Adams]

I will wait until my kids go to school or have a nanny and go to the gym at nine like a normal person.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Honestly, that might be like a vlog. I do again. I tried waking up at 5am a couple years ago and I was like, because this is what winners do. And it's like, no, it's not. There's no way winners are waking up going to sleep at 3:00pm The.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah, if you're.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Go to bed.

[Ryland Adams]

Exactly. If you're going to bed at 3pm, then it wasn't winning waking up at 5.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, you lost your day. All of it's gone.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, so tell me more about paradise.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, it's good. No, just for the first time, I, like, had the. I was like. I. I engage with Billy quite A bit as. Because he's my child. I don't know how to say this in a different way. Like I like to play with him.

[Ryland Adams]

You're present.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'm present.

[Ryland Adams]

You're physically present A lot.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I do not disassociate with my baby.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah, you really do. All the things.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I love him. I have a great time being with him. I wish I was like just a stay at home wife anyway. Maybe cut that part out. It sounds shady when I say it.

[Ryland Adams]

No, because it's what you aim to be.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I mean, I think that it's awesome. I don't wanna.

[Ryland Adams]

I don't know how I wish I had. What I was gonna say sounds nasty too, because I'm just so. I just have to still have a career. But in part of me, it would be fun just to be at home all the time.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah, I. I just. It feels like every day is summer. I don't know how to explain it beyond that. Anyway, so this is the first time where I was like, all right, baby, sit on the floor and suck my toe. Mommy's watching a show.

[Ryland Adams]

She sends me a video where she's just like, yep, pants out. And he's just alone on the floor sucking my toe.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Actually, I think you can share that video. I don't think his face is in it.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, I'll share it anyway.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Paradise on Apple tv. Totally worth it. Sterling K. Brown. K. Brown and James Marsden. James Marsden and Sterling K. Some parts of the show are wonky. And by wonky I mean, like, this is overdone. It's a little cringey category. I want to say very little, but I would say it's science fictiony.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, that doesn't have me intrigued.

[Lizzie Gordon]

This is intriguing. And I'm not going to tell you anything because it takes the fun out of it. If you know.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay.

[Lizzie Gordon]

If you know the secret, it takes the fun out of it.

[Ryland Adams]

Kind of like companion.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Sure. I have not seen it.

[Ryland Adams]

So I won't tell you anymore.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, but it feels like you're about to be nasty and say something they won't tell you anymore.

[Ryland Adams]

Did you finish Love is Blind?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Who cared about that?

[Ryland Adams]

I mean, I scrolled through all of it.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I didn't even realize there was another drop. And I was waiting for it.

[Ryland Adams]

You want to know what the biggest drop of the season was?

[Lizzie Gordon]

That none of them got married.

[Ryland Adams]

No, one of them did. And it was the most unlikely that I thought would. Don't.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, spoiler.

[Ryland Adams]

I'm not saying. No, I'm not saying if that's it or not. And you haven't even watched it.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I mean, I listened to someone.

[Ryland Adams]

I just tried to save you.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'm going to put my hand up. We're doing spoilers. We're going to do this again. Spoiler.

[Ryland Adams]

The biggest drop for me was that the next season is gonna be in Denver. What if I know? And I looked to Shane and I was like, what if I know a. And he goes, you're a little old. And I said, oh, my God, you really are, though.

[Lizzie Gordon]

We've aged out of love is blind.

[Ryland Adams]

Isn't that crazy?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I watched the Bachelor and I'm like, these people look old as fuck. And then it's like, I'm 10 years older.

[Ryland Adams]

But isn't it crazy that I feel like they look older than us? Or do they look younger than us?

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, we look old, bro.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, wow.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I think we've hit that point where, like, we just see each other as, like, the 20 somethings that we met. Some of us, but it's old.

[Ryland Adams]

Some of my favorite comments on my last vlog were just like, damn, he's aged since having a baby. And I was like, oh, he didn't.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Even have the baby.

[Ryland Adams]

I didn't even breastfeed. They weren't even sucking the life force out of me.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Also, like, at what point do we just say I'm getting Botox and filler again?

[Ryland Adams]

I think, whatever. And it's just breastfeed until you die. Whatever. She's gonna be breastfeeding that kid until he's.

[Lizzie Gordon]

The way that Ryla takes my breastfeeding the most seriously. Oh, I didn't even mean to say it like that. This is what I was trying to say. The way that Rylan takes my breastfeeding so personally.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah, well, because it personally affects my life.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, because you just missed doing the.

[Ryland Adams]

Betterment of your child makes my life worse. Because she never has enough store that she could never have.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Now you know how I feel about.

[Ryland Adams]

This Maddie girl, and she has to.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I bet you didn't have a problem with Maddie breastfeeding.

[Ryland Adams]

I bet she breastfeeded. I bet she still breastfeeds.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Wow.

[Ryland Adams]

She can do it all.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And he doesn't care. He's like, go, Maddie. And I'm over here. And he's like, you stop that. Are you gonna knock that breastfeeding shit off? It's gross.

[Ryland Adams]

Like, when is this kid gonna start whole milk?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Just leave some cereal and some milk and give it to him. Bye.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, we don't need to talk about that yet. Are there any hot Topics. Well, I don't want to get the girls going. I'm just not ready for that commentary yet.

[Lizzie Gordon]

For which one?

[Ryland Adams]

It just starts a whole can of worms. You know what I'm talking about?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, I know what you're talking about.

[Ryland Adams]

Maybe on the Patreon.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Maybe. Maybe on the Patreon.

[Ryland Adams]

Maybe on the Patreon. Today I want to do at least one or two advice, though, questions. So maybe just pick your favorite of the hottie toddies.

[Lizzie Gordon]

They're so short. Can I just do all of them?

[Ryland Adams]

What the hell is this? New movie with Blake Lively.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Okay, so do you remember A Simple Favor with Blake Lively and Anna Kendrick, directed by Paul Feig. I believe his name is pronounced Fig.

[Ryland Adams]

I think the only thing I remember about it is you told me it dropped directly on Netflix and you couldn't watch.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Was so wackadoosical. I was like, so whack.

[Ryland Adams]

They made a second one.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Well, that's what I was thinking. I was like, what is the tone of this? Like, is this a thriller book? Because I know it's based off of one of those books that I like reading.

[Ryland Adams]

You didn't watch it?

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, I watched it, and I couldn't tell you what the happened. I was like, what is the deal here? Like, I was like. I was like, huh?

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, so get to it.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Well, that's. That was it.

[Ryland Adams]

I was like, no, this story.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, okay. So Paul. I guess. I guess it did well because Paul Feig was like, I have to make a sequel. And it's like, do you have to make a sequel of a movie that nobody really got? And a lot of people were like.

[Ryland Adams]

They must have done numbers on Netflix.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I know, but, like, everything does numbers on Netflix when we're in the middle of, like, the post pandemic lack of content. The post strikes lack of content. Like, all we have to look forward to right now is some straight to Netflix movie with Anna Kendrick and Blake Lively, who we hadn't seen for like, a decade before that movie came out. No, Blake.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And then not only. But not only that, but it's, like, based off of a book that did. Well, it doesn't matter. I was like, what the is this? Okay, anyway, honestly, you're doing this thing.

[Ryland Adams]

Where you're taking too long to get to the book.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I don't like Paul Feig. I don't like Paul Feig. And I know that he's a close personal friend of a close personal friend of mine, and I feel bad saying it out loud, but I know that my friend probably doesn't watch this podcast. So I feel very confident saying, like, low key, Paul, if they don't. Freaks and geeks, what the fuck have you done that's worthy of you spending millions of dollars? And the way that he talks about it, too, I just had to make a sequel to a movie that nobody really got that, like, publicly. The actresses were like, nobody knew the tune. Paul didn't know the. Paul, why do you get to keep making movies where you don't even know what the fuck the tone is? And there's people out in these streets who are fucking trying so hard and can find a tone and don't get an opportunity, but you're. You just get to go to Capri and make a sequel with two people that nobody really likes anymore and be like, I will use just such a little fun thing to figure out. I always wanted to make a movie in Capri.

[Ryland Adams]

Like, I love it.

[Lizzie Gordon]

So you made this?

[Ryland Adams]

I love. I don't know what this is, but I love people that get to do whatever they want.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Okay, good for you. Honestly, great for you, Paul. But also, can we.

[Ryland Adams]

So what's the story?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Who could fucking ever say?

[Ryland Adams]

Well, the story you put in the.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Story of the first movie was some Bitch is a YouTube mom, and there's another mom, and she's like, can you do me a simple favor and watch my fucking baby? And then spirals into. Spoiler alert. Blake livestream. Want to watch it?

[Ryland Adams]

Two twin sisters.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Everyone's fucking dead. Dead. She's killing people.

[Ryland Adams]

I'm gonna mute you because this is the article you put in. Is that he debunked that Anna Kendrick and Blake were.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah, he didn't. He just was like. He's like, no. Anna Kendrick and Blake Lively clearly are friends. And it's like, clearly they're not. Clearly they are not friends. Anna Kendrick's, like, walking the red carpet for the premiere of this movie that nobody wants to see, that they got to making Capri, and she's. Everyone's like, so what's. Like, what's the deal with, like, working with Blake while her life is on fire? And she's like, whose life is on fire? I don't know. I did ayahuasca. So I forgo about everything about the last year. See you in the theater. And it's like, they don't like each other.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, she probably does. Well, I don't know if she likes Blake, but it's, like, an impossible position to be.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I mean, honestly.

[Ryland Adams]

Because everyone's gonna ask you about Blake. Because everyone's so annoying.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Listen, I'm gonna be super real right now.

[Ryland Adams]

Like, you haven't been for the last five minutes about Paul.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Five painfully real fig. Okay, maybe I am a lot.

[Ryland Adams]

I know I am.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I am not everybody's cup of tea.

[Ryland Adams]

I know.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I think Blake Lively is too much. And I know that I'm the queen of saying find less, but, like, Blake, you need to calm down.

[Ryland Adams]

You've been telling JLo to calm down, too. And then you took it back, though. So whatever.

[Lizzie Gordon]

JLo needs to just. Shh.

[Ryland Adams]

Blake. I'm glad J.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Lo needs to let us come to her. Do you know what I'm saying? But J. Lo's, like, plugging our noses and being like, eat me. And I like. And like. And like, Blake.

[Ryland Adams]

Blake.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Well, no, Blake, they're, like, talking about, like, how is the movie going? She goes, you know, Paul Feig called me, and he's like, we have to make this movie that doesn't have to be made in Capri. And I go, oh, Paul, that's so expensive. Why not just do upstate Connecticut? I think we should just do it in Connecticut. He goes, we go to Capri now. I'm like, oh, my God, we have to live here.

[Ryland Adams]

Is it so bad that I just.

[Lizzie Gordon]

These problematic people's lives up. Shut up.

[Ryland Adams]

I just love it for all of them.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Let's just.

[Ryland Adams]

Just go to Capri. We just have to.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Do you see what I'm saying? Like, I have to make a dumpster fire movie, and it has to be set in Capri. But Paul Feig posed it as if those. That was, like, a problem that needed solving.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay?

[Lizzie Gordon]

And it was not a problem that needed solving.

[Ryland Adams]

Can you.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And I think he just hadn't posted as if it was a problem that needed solving. I wouldn't have such a personal issue with it. But the way that he presented all of it, as if he was helping us all by making a fucking piece of shit movie in Capri, it pissed me the fuck off. Paul, no one asked for it. You did, and you got it. Congratulations, sir. It just pisses me off because, honestly, he does this whole song and dance of, I'm trying to support women in film, period. I have a film company where I like to support women in film, period. So I'm giving women opportunities. No, you're not, Paul. You're a man, and you're giving yourself opportunities. You're not giving women opportunity, brother.

[Ryland Adams]

And then just put ourselves in. In their shoes. We have a big budget. Just.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Just.

[Ryland Adams]

We have a big budget.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'm never Pretending to be altruistic. Though I am a self serving narcissistic person and I am very open about that. I'm not out in these streets acting like my dumpster fire movie is solving anyone's problems.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, Ben Affleck. Oh, this seems like another nasty headline.

[Lizzie Gordon]

It's not.

[Ryland Adams]

Rihanna is so cool. She gave birth in pearls and sunglasses.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Rihanna is so cool.

[Ryland Adams]

She's so cool.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yes.

[Ryland Adams]

Her second baby, both babies.

[Lizzie Gordon]

She has on like sick fudge, expensive sunglasses and like a diamond necklace for the first one and I think his name is rza. And then riot. The second one, she has these stunning pearl and gold necklaces on with like diamonds on them. And it's just. God damn, that bitch has swagger.

[Ryland Adams]

I would love to spend a day as a fly on the wall in Rihanna's house.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Me too.

[Ryland Adams]

I would love to see what goes.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I bet it's fun.

[Ryland Adams]

I bet it's so cool.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I bet it's so.

[Ryland Adams]

I bet they're like waking up and vibing, doing the most. Having the most fun.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Absolutely.

[Ryland Adams]

And she's like, yeah, you guys take.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Care of myself problems altruistically. Rihanna, take a note. Paul.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, we'll only do one because Lizzie took all of our time screaming about Paul Feig.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Are you mispronouncing it because you're being my friend? I don't know, disrespectful because you like me or are you doing that thing you do?

[Ryland Adams]

I think just pick a. Pick whatever you want. Okay.

[Lizzie Gordon]

It's because he's my friend. And honestly, Maddie, I don't think he's ever disrespected anyone for you.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, do you want. Do you want neighbors having too much sex or. Help. I'm gay in a 10 year relationship.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Hope. I'm gay. I think.

[Ryland Adams]

Is this just you?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, my God, no. Let's do this.

[Ryland Adams]

How long have you and Joe been together?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Let's do the neighbor.

[Ryland Adams]

How long have you and Joe been together?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Almost 12 years. Oh, no, it's just 11. Because it's 10.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, so. So, Lizzie Wright. Help. I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I've been with my boyfriend husband for 10 years, but I just realized I'm gay. She's watched a few too many Jojo Siwa videos and realized, oh my God.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Listen, JoJo doesn't make me gay.

[Ryland Adams]

For the record, she empowers your gay dome.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, there are other women who I would for sure see myself being gay for.

[Ryland Adams]

Tell me your type.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I don't know, but it's not like I'm not sexually interested in JoJo. Tell me your movie, little freak. What?

[Ryland Adams]

Tell me who you are sexually charged by and I'll tell you.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Probably Kylie Jenner.

[Ryland Adams]

Really?

[Lizzie Gordon]

In my heart of hearts, I look like her. The laughter is really cruel. And I let you sit on the pretty side of the couch and you just laughed in my face when I said that.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, Kylie Jenner isn't real. I mean, listen, I respect it, but it isn't real. Like it's.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, it is real. I mean, and just because she didn't physically achieve it of her own will.

[Ryland Adams]

And volition, she's still looking like a full blown snack.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh yes, that's right. I mean, she's not a hologram. She is real.

[Ryland Adams]

Us as natural people with light Botox. I don't have light Botox. I'm just accounting. So it's factual. Yeah, we could never achieve that. No, no.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Girl, I'm so hungry.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, well then let's finish this.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Well, hurry it up.

[Ryland Adams]

You know what I was thinking we could do?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Rid this in the car while we're eating.

[Ryland Adams]

You know what I was thinking we could do?

[Lizzie Gordon]

What? Eat.

[Ryland Adams]

Try Chipotle's new honey lime chicken. Chicken? Oh, you don't like.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I hate Chipotle.

[Ryland Adams]

I thought you were hungry.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'm starving. And I hate Chipotle, everyone. Yeah, you're gay. Dude, leave your boyfriend. If you're gay, you can't be gay for. You can't be closeted for the rest of your life. You gotta come out. Go be gay.

[Ryland Adams]

Dude, this is very insensitive when you haven't even heard this person.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I know, but I'm telling you, go be gay. Go be gay.

[Ryland Adams]

You know what? We're gonna pick this up in the car because she's starting to get nasty.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, I'm not being nasty. No matter what the details are. Do you, sis, be gay. Life is short. Do you really want to spend it in the closet having sex that you don't want to have?

[Ryland Adams]

I've. I've suspected since middle school. Wow. I can't read right now. I'm hungry too.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Do you want me to speed read it or should we just go eat? Just be gay, dude. Am I wrong?

[Ryland Adams]

You guys are gay.

[Lizzie Gordon]

What if you weren't being gay? Isn't that the only thing to say?

[Ryland Adams]

If I wasn't being gay, I'd be dead right now.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And honestly, like, like if they take it poorly. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. But I'm gay. That's all you have to Say, you know, like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm. I've known since middle school and I know for sure now. And it's not because of you, it's just because I'm gay. I gotta.

[Ryland Adams]

If you're watching gay porn to come. You're gay?

[Lizzie Gordon]

No. A lot of women do that.

[Ryland Adams]

What?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah, I think a lot of women prefer watching gay porn.

[Ryland Adams]

Then how did they know if they're straight or not?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Or are you just anything to do with it?

[Ryland Adams]

I can't come to a woman and it would have something to do with it.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Well, speaking from my own experience, straight porn is awful.

[Ryland Adams]

I've heard this a lot. And is it the man that makes it awful?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah.

[Ryland Adams]

Imagine two of them.

[Lizzie Gordon]

It's the man that makes it awful. It's the girl pretending she likes what the man's doing that makes it all.

[Ryland Adams]

That is why I can't get behind porn is the rarely do I feel like anyone's ever having actual time.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Like, I need. I feel like I'm gonna watch it. Like I want you to be.

[Ryland Adams]

The women can sell that they're having a good time.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Well, if you're looking, if you're looking in the right place, I think you can find authentic, genuine porn. I don't know how to say it. I like sweet porn.

[Ryland Adams]

We'll be back to this be nice to each other porn.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I want people to be nice to each other and be trying to have a good time with each other.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, if it's just solo, then they like themselves.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And I would prefer to watch that than some guy being like you, Stacy. And she's like, me, I'm a piece of. Fuck me so hard. I'm a piece of shit. I can't walk. It come to that. It's not for me, but go be gay, girl. We're going to go to Chipotle. I'm so sorry that you've been gay for 10 years and not.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, we don't know if it's a girl or a guy, do we?

[Lizzie Gordon]

At any rate, sir or ma'am, just be gay.

[Ryland Adams]

Just do it. Just be gay.

[Shane Dawson]

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[Ryland Adams]

Okay. Hello, you guys. Welcome back. Shane's here. Hello.

[Chris]

Hello.

[Ryland Adams]

I really wanted to try this honey chipotle chick honey lime chipotle chicken at chick Fil A. Oh, my God.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You really wanted to try it. So you already did.

[Ryland Adams]

Shut up. No, I didn't.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yes, you did.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah, we. So I didn't think I was gonna be able to join today. And I was like, I really want to try the honey chipotle chicken that literally is made for me. So I ordered it last night and I was like, you don't have to get it though, because you're gonna try it tomorrow. And then you still got.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Looks so delicious. He lied to all of you because it was freezing.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, my God. Your team Shane with the air conditioning.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, I need something. I'm starving. I'm hot. I'm bothered.

[Chris]

Okay, so first of all, nervous. I don't think I should go in.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, they don't.

[Chris]

You're filming, so that's scary. But also, we did. This is where we did our video.

[Lizzie Gordon]

This is literally okay location we dragged.

[Chris]

Not to say, like, oh, they've seen the video, but they've seen the video. You know what I mean? If you're working somewhere and then there's a video, like you've seen it. So, like, I don't. I feel like Number one, they're gonna purposely pack the bowl because we brought our scale again, baby. And number two, we're doing that thing.

[Ryland Adams]

We did we haven't even brought. Okay, we're testing the honey lime chicken, which is. Oh, my God. Phenomenal. It's bringing me back to Chipotle. But also, we are gonna test to see if they're. If they've changed their behavior when it comes to portion sizes in store versus pickup.

[Chris]

It's not the employee's fault. The CEO came out and he said, hey, you know, we're making some changes. So it's not their fault that they were skimping. Okay. They were being told to skin.

[Ryland Adams]

And you get bigger in person, Right?

[Chris]

Whoa.

[Ryland Adams]

Bigger.

[Chris]

First of all, people have said that.

[Lizzie Gordon]

About me, and it's triggering my feelings hurt, too.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, my God. I'm responsible for everyone's bad moods. You're in your Dutch brother Crocs. He should not.

[Lizzie Gordon]

He should not go in the Chipotle.

[Chris]

No, because.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Because then we can't have it. It's not a real test.

[Ryland Adams]

Then you go to Ralph.

[Chris]

Okay, so can you drop me off at Ralph's? No, I'll walk back.

[Ryland Adams]

No, you can't make me walk all.

[Chris]

The way there and all the way back. And my Six Flags.

[Ryland Adams]

Can you just take the car? Or. You don't want to get hate crimed alone.

[Chris]

This parking lot is very scary. Like, it's narrow. I don't want to crash. Also, can you give me a little.

[Ryland Adams]

This is the same reason why I'm the one that's solely responsible to park all of our cars. If Shane ever drives, you are.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You are a notoriously legitimate Parker in a large car. Thank you.

[Ryland Adams]

That's the best compliment I've ever received.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'm thinking about it this weekend with a stranger.

[Ryland Adams]

I think if I'm anything confident parking a big vehicle, he likes to squeeze.

[Lizzie Gordon]

A big thing in a tight space.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, you're sick. Okay, we're going to try Chipotle. Is that what we're talking?

[Chris]

Thank you. I heard it. I took it in.

[Ryland Adams]

Thank you. She's complimenting both of us today. Normally, I get scrutinized and criticized. Yes, I work on my fitness.

[Chris]

Oh. Oh, I don't think he. Okay.

[Ryland Adams]

Can you not tighten things up?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I know, but I'm doing Kegel now that we're talking.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah, me too.

[Chris]

You don't work out your.

[Ryland Adams]

You don't know what I do.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Do men have pelvic floors? No, men don't get a pelvic floor.

[Ryland Adams]

They don't get one.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You need to drive this man to the bathroom right now so that I can eat.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, no, you got to drive yourself. You got to drive yourself to the bathroom.

[Chris]

So, yes, I have to be. But also, can you get me a Diet Coke? Because I want to rate their Diet Coke. Do they have Diet Coke? They just do bottles because they only do bottle service on postmaster.

[Ryland Adams]

Are they selling margaritas now?

[Chris]

That would be crazy.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'm so hungry.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, we've got to go. Shane, you've got to find a bathroom and we've got to go.

[Chris]

Okay? Where am I going to go to the bathroom?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'm getting B roll. No, you touch the door to go to the hospital.

[Ryland Adams]

It's the lunch rush. 1:30 in the afternoon. What drama. Is it really that good? It's so good. It's bringing me back. What I said.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Club Chipotle hits pretty hard.

[Ryland Adams]

It really does. And wow, it is busy. Oh, my gosh. Okay, let me go like this.

[Chris]

It is tense in here. You guys are.

[Ryland Adams]

Hold on.

[Chris]

You guys are acting like you just got out of, like, a war.

[Ryland Adams]

You're coming from the privilege of not having been in that line, that chaos I used.

[Chris]

First of all, let me explain my drama. Number one, I had a pee. You told me that there was a bathroom in Chipotle. There was, but it was locked. And you said, I'll get you the code. So I go in there and I'm like, waiting for the code.

[Ryland Adams]

I let you in next.

[Chris]

I said. I said, is there a code? No response. And then Lizzie walks out of the bathroom. She's like, you didn't go. And I was like, huh?

[Ryland Adams]

You're missing two parts of it. He asked me, he said, can you let me in the back door? It's locked. So I let him in and I said, I'll ask for the code. But then I just had assumed that he found his way in after the woman told me. It's unlocked.

[Chris]

Right.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, I was trying to coordinate all orders.

[Chris]

The one thing I wanted. Because I've already tried this, the one thing I wanted was a Diet Coke because I wanted to compare. I wanted a Diet Coke. And I said, can you give me a Diet Coke? I texted you four times.

[Ryland Adams]

I know. Can you imagine how annoying that is when I. I'm trying to order a million things?

[Chris]

I even. I said, D.C. question mark. And then I. With hearts. With hearts. And then Lizzie gets in the car and I'm like, do you think you remember the Diet Coke? She's like, absolutely not. And I was like, he has to. I texted him four times. So then what? So you didn't.

[Ryland Adams]

You said Diet Coke. Going to the car. Somebody just hit the truck pretty hard.

[Chris]

Somebody.

[Ryland Adams]

Large Diet Coke. Whoa.

[Chris]

The car shook, but I think it was extra shook because I was waiting for my Diet Coke. Did you remember this, or was this a Lizzie?

[Ryland Adams]

Was it not so stressful in there? Chris, it was very stressful. I did not. I was trying to get what we needed for the video.

[Chris]

God, for Lizzy, I. How many times did I ask? It's all I asked. I didn't want to be paid for this. I'm not taking a Patreon percentage. I said I want a Diet Coke.

[Ryland Adams]

Will you just check? You guys are both in the angle. We already clapped. Oh, we're in.

[Lizzie Gordon]

We've been clapped.

[Ryland Adams]

And then. Okay, this is the to go order.

[Lizzie Gordon]

We'll know because it's got this on it.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, let's weigh that first. Who has the scale?

[Chris]

Thank God I remembered the scale.

[Ryland Adams]

Thank you, Shane. Thank you, Shane.

[Chris]

Thank you.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, let's get. Let's. Which one do we want to do first?

[Chris]

Or do you want me to film on your phone or something?

[Ryland Adams]

Yes. And can you write. Can you pull out your phone to write down the weight so we don't forget? So don't film on it. I'll remember. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

[Chris]

I'm not gonna forget.

[Ryland Adams]

There's four things to weigh.

[Chris]

I'll remember.

[Lizzie Gordon]

There's four things to weigh.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah.

[Lizzie Gordon]

There's only two things in this bag.

[Chris]

All right, so what would. What is this?

[Ryland Adams]

This is the pick up burrito.

[Chris]

So to go. To go order.

[Ryland Adams]

To go to Gordo. Okay.

[Chris]

Okay. Face it toward me.

[Ryland Adams]

All right, hold on.

[Chris]

Let me zero it out. Okay, to go. Wow. 817, big boy.

[Ryland Adams]

817 grams. Okay. The one that we got in person.

[Chris]

That looks smaller to me.

[Ryland Adams]

I feel like this is pretty huge.

[Chris]

Okay, no, no, no. Horizontal.

[Ryland Adams]

Horizontal.

[Chris]

Be fair.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, 827.

[Chris]

That's 10 more.

[Ryland Adams]

So the theory, they've changed.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Okay.

[Chris]

But let's see about the ball.

[Ryland Adams]

If I'm being honest, I don't remember which one served more before you.

[Chris]

Never.

[Ryland Adams]

He.

[Chris]

Whenever I show him one of the conspiracy videos, I'm like, do you think it's good? He goes, well, all the conspiracy stuff is boring, but everything else is fun. And I'm like, yeezy wrong.

[Ryland Adams]

And then when he ever. Every time, he's like, what thumbnail do you think for this conspiracy video? I'm like, this one. And then he does a poll and it's wrong. And I'm like, I'm not the audience for a conspiracy. I guess I just don't care for some reason. I don't.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I think it's too much for him to follow.

[Chris]

That's good for us. I think it's good that you don't like it.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, cool. Great. The bowl. Let's do the to go first. Can somebody refresh my mind? What were they giving her?

[Lizzie Gordon]

I just blacked out everything.

[Ryland Adams]

What portions were larger.

[Chris]

Previously in store.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, cool.

[Chris]

Or wait, so that was still the case then, right?

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, that's what I'm saying.

[Lizzie Gordon]

They skip you when you're not there.

[Ryland Adams]

Did you just judge me?

[Chris]

I'm sorry. First of all, you're right. Second of all, because I was lacking Diet Coke energy.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Bitten, decayed. Because you were wrong.

[Ryland Adams]

I am Diet Coke.

[Chris]

Okay, okay. So the conspiracy still exists. Only 10 grams. But it still was something.

[Lizzie Gordon]

10 grams is a shitload of grams.

[Chris]

You know what? You're right.

[Ryland Adams]

Shitload of grams. More.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You know what? Here's my reaction because I was blacked out while we were doing it.

[Chris]

Thank you.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And oh, my God.

[Chris]

Okay, Chris, big reaction for the thumbnail.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh.

[Chris]

Huh? Oh, you're shook.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, so they haven't changed.

[Chris]

Hold on, hold on.

[Ryland Adams]

So nothing's changed. That's crazy.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Of all people.

[Chris]

All right, we'll get it. We'll get it. Don't let me forget. We need a thumbnail.

[Ryland Adams]

So nothing's changed.

[Lizzie Gordon]

We were thumbnailing good back here.

[Chris]

You guys did good. You guys did good.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, the bowl to go.

[Chris]

8:54.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, my God.

[Ryland Adams]

So a lot more than the burrito. 854 and then in store.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Have I mentioned how hungry I am?

[Ryland Adams]

768. Almost 100 grams smaller. Whoa. That's a major difference. The other way.

[Chris]

Huh?

[Lizzie Gordon]

What?

[Chris]

Consistency.

[Ryland Adams]

So what did we discover today?

[Lizzie Gordon]

That we can't trust. Trust anyone for anything ever.

[Chris]

Or you can't trust Scales? I. I agree with that.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You can't trust Scales or Ryland.

[Chris]

Okay, take the COVID off. We need a thumbnail.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh. Oh.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You guys are gonna see the behind the scenes.

[Chris]

We already got your face.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Because I've been hungry for a long time.

[Chris]

Okay, so, Rylan, does this mean that.

[Ryland Adams]

It just depends on who's making it?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, God damn it.

[Chris]

Yeah, probably. Oh, sweetie. So you guys saw that? You guys saw that thumbnail face?

[Lizzie Gordon]

What?

[Ryland Adams]

It was good.

[Chris]

You're shook. You're shook. You're not, like, excited.

[Ryland Adams]

I take direction well.

[Chris]

You do actually do.

[Ryland Adams]

You're going to the quesadilla I've been.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Hungry for an hour now.

[Ryland Adams]

I'm jealous.

[Chris]

Okay, so you're shook. No. Oh, my gosh. You're looking at the bowl.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, my God.

[Chris]

Put your arm down. Hand down, hand down. I know you want to show the rings, but. Okay, so you're shook. Oh, my God. What the cheat. Your head a little toward the camera. Oh, my God. Okay.

[Ryland Adams]

They did that. They us. They haven't changed after everything. You know what? I bet they changed. And then the guy came from Starbucks and then they reverted backwards. Chris was following. Yeah. Can I have a piece of that quesadilla?

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, it's gone.

[Ryland Adams]

Give me a piece of that quesadilla.

[Lizzie Gordon]

We didn't even get a.

[Ryland Adams]

Give me a.

[Lizzie Gordon]

There's none left. You didn't even share. None left.

[Ryland Adams]

You didn't share.

[Lizzie Gordon]

There's literally none left.

[Ryland Adams]

Break that in half and give Chris half that one.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, I ate it all.

[Ryland Adams]

I. I got a knife. I do love the quesadilla.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, that's the only thing I wanted.

[Ryland Adams]

We all want to try the quesadilla.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Everything else is gross, though.

[Ryland Adams]

You get your vibe. Then you should have ordered something. Can I have a knife? I got like three of them.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Girl, I handed you the whole grip.

[Ryland Adams]

Are you still thumbnailing?

[Chris]

Well, the lighting is really bad.

[Ryland Adams]

You don't know. It's good. You. It is good. You just.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Can I have my fork back?

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah. Thanks, girl. That did feel a little bit like that video with the mom and the kid where she's like, thumbnail. Oh.

[Lizzie Gordon]

But I am sad.

[Chris]

Now what?

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, now we're eating. This is the food part. Whatever one you want. I don't care.

[Chris]

Chipotle in the morning. Morning is aggressive.

[Ryland Adams]

In the morning it's 2:07.

[Chris]

It's 2:00.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay, voting for me too, Shane.

[Chris]

Thank you.

[Ryland Adams]

Are you kidding me? You guys are sick. Well, you know, I've been sleeping on their quesadillas. Yeah, quesadillas are good.

[Chris]

I didn't even know those were on the menu. I thought that was like a secret item.

[Ryland Adams]

It was for a long time, I think.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I think it was a kids menu.

[Chris]

Can I just say, I hadn't had Chipotle in a while and this is no offense to Chipotle. You guys are great. We had it last night. I was sick all night.

[Lizzie Gordon]

What? I mean, I think I'm starving and I can't not eat this right now.

[Chris]

I think I just wasn't used to the level of sodium. I don't know, but I was like, waking up a lot, being like, oo. Oh, that's gross. To talk about while you guys are eating.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Sorry. No.

[Chris]

That honey chipotle chicken, honestly, the honey.

[Ryland Adams]

Drill is you're gonna. Is so good. And it made me a fan again of chipotle. It's bringing me back to chipotle. I'm going to be here often. The honey chipotle chicken is incredible. You eat their chicken. That's the thing is I. Lately, I got turned off of chipotle because of their chicken. Then I started doing vegetarian options, like, no meat and now. But I got bored on that because it's like the meat gives it the flavor.

[Chris]

Plates are really cute. They're really cute for the boys. Look how cute. Lettuce. Little separate.

[Ryland Adams]

And now this chicken. I'm coming back. My first bite, I was like, oh, I'm not getting a lot.

[Chris]

Honestly, I was like, it's. It's kind of plain.

[Ryland Adams]

It took a minute. It was a sleeper. You know, it creeped up on me. And now. And now. It's incredible. I love it.

[Chris]

You know what I'll give them? Last night when I got. I got a big salad and I got, you know, the side of dressing, and usually they only fill it up a fourth, and it's real small, and it pisses me off every time. Last night they filled it up to the brim. I. I couldn't even finish it. I finished it later, but I finished it in the moment. I was like, that's a lot of dressing. So thank you, Chipotle.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You're gonna return your trash to me.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, you don't want the sides?

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, I got my own sides.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, okay. Honestly, there's nothing worse than being skimped out on dressing.

[Chris]

Thank you. There's a bowl back there if you haven't done this. Oh, you don't have dressing? Oh, no. But, like, with the burrito, you pour the dressing on the burrito.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh.

[Chris]

And I think that's just what the chicken. I think they just put the chicken in the dress.

[Ryland Adams]

Do you want any more of this or not?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Because of the honey chipotle burrito.

[Chris]

I do.

[Ryland Adams]

I mean, I'm okay.

[Chris]

It's. And Ryland puts fur in burrito because he's always cold.

[Ryland Adams]

There's the bowl back there too, that Lizzie's using as a plate.

[Chris]

Is this the podcast?

[Ryland Adams]

Yes. What? You're not having fun with us.

[Chris]

You're being, like, angry, crazy mom. You're like, we need to eat. We need to finish, we need to leave.

[Lizzie Gordon]

It's triggering, isn't it?

[Chris]

It's a podcast.

[Ryland Adams]

Everyone is always upset. They're like, what are you in a rush about? I'm like, are you kidding me?

[Lizzie Gordon]

It's been 50 minutes.

[Ryland Adams]

We need to go listen.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, wait. Should we give that gay person more gay advice?

[Ryland Adams]

I don't like that gay person. I don't like when podcasts are like two and a half hours. It's just too much.

[Chris]

I know, but them watching you just aggressively eating for 10 minutes and then bye. Like, it's crazy. That's insane. If you guys want that, though, they.

[Ryland Adams]

Don'T, but it's what they get. It's what they get every week.

[Lizzie Gordon]

They're like, where does he have to be?

[Ryland Adams]

A lot of places.

[Chris]

Yeah. Okay, so what are we gonna talk about?

[Ryland Adams]

Did you want to do the eating?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Do you want to do the advice, though?

[Chris]

Is there advice?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Oh, something about a neighbor having sex.

[Chris]

You guys heard that, right?

[Ryland Adams]

You can pull it up. Do you really want to try? I think we should just chat.

[Chris]

That girl is holding her bowl all wrong.

[Ryland Adams]

We can't get. How do you hold it?

[Chris]

Like, vertical. Like, I'm like, ah.

[Ryland Adams]

You can eat your real food, Chris, if you want your real food. Well, he. Because he has gerd. He can't have, like, a whole thing of the honey chipotle or the. I don't know what it's like because it's so good, the honey.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Okay, okay, I'll take the burrito.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, like, I have. Like, I'll have a bite, but if I eat a whole burrito of it, I'll look at that thing. I'm usually dead after a Monday anyway, though.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Chaos.

[Ryland Adams]

Shane's regretting coming. I mean, it's an eating show. What is. What is this? If we're not eating? If they just want to hear us talking, they can watch us on the couch.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Chris got hate crying.

[Ryland Adams]

What happened here? What is this? It's cause you're gay.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I knew you were gay. They were like, fuck this gay.

[Ryland Adams]

We're honestly sick of it, too. We all hyped up the gayness, honestly. We can't see anything around it. Wow, look at this meaty thing.

[Chris]

Wow. This is nuts. What happened here?

[Ryland Adams]

What?

[Chris]

I thought you're supposed to compliment me.

[Ryland Adams]

What? That is. What do you. How do you want me to follow up?

[Lizzie Gordon]

This burrito looks like my husband.

[Ryland Adams]

This is meaty. Just like something else. I know.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Just like something else I put in my mouth all the time.

[Chris]

Like, what would Lisa Rinna do? You know what I mean, To Harry Hamlin, you know What? I mean, give me little things like that that make me feel wanted.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I've got a hot take. Burritos are not it. It is all about the quesadilla.

[Chris]

This is stupid.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, the quesadilla is. More cheese.

[Chris]

Well, not. Well. Did you already finish the quesadilla? Oh, I was gonna say. Well, now I want to try it.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'll go back and fight one with you.

[Chris]

Thank you.

[Ryland Adams]

You would love the quesadillo.

[Chris]

Thank you.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Because honestly, I hate this.

[Ryland Adams]

And your favorite item.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You hate it.

[Ryland Adams]

I've never hated anything more than I hate this burrito. Really?

[Lizzie Gordon]

Yeah.

[Ryland Adams]

So good. You don't want to. Well, then wrap it up. I'll save it.

[Chris]

It's fun to watch the car get destroyed in real time. It actually is. It's interesting.

[Ryland Adams]

I got to get washed.

[Chris]

I'm clocking it. I'm clocking it. This looks insane. You guys can't see how this looks?

[Lizzie Gordon]

He threw over here.

[Chris]

He did.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Just made a huge mess over here.

[Chris]

He did. He did.

[Lizzie Gordon]

His side might look clean, but it's because he threw all his over here.

[Chris]

Wait, what was the advice for the gay person?

[Ryland Adams]

Just be gay. Be gay.

[Chris]

Right. What was the question?

[Ryland Adams]

They didn't let us. To be fair, I was giving that person the time of day and Lizzy was like, we got to get out of here.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No. I was so hungry.

[Chris]

Shane, wait. Somebody in Chipotle asked for gay advice? Like. Like somebody walked up and asked for advice. Cuz that's very funny.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I wish someone's known they were gay since middle school.

[Ryland Adams]

You don't know the story. I'm pulling it up. She doesn't. Do you want to read this since we're all eating?

[Chris]

Okay. Help.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay.

[Chris]

I'm gay in a 10 year relationship. Oh God. What?

[Ryland Adams]

I know.

[Chris]

I have a bit of a dilemma. I love the word dilemma. It doesn't get used enough. I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years, but I'm just now realizing I'm gay. Oh, so this is from a woman. I knew it or no, is it not? I suspected it since middle school, but I never acted on it. My parents, I aren't very gay friendly, so I just never told anyone these thoughts. And I met my boyfriend in high school and I just put those thoughts on the back burner. I was still attracted to women watching lesbian porn, but just chalked it up to lesbian porn focuses more on female pleasure.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Is this me?

[Ryland Adams]

I literally said, how long have you been with Joe? This is Lizzy. She's writing in to contact the sick Gmail dot com.

[Chris]

Oh, wait. And her other example. Example. I'm just admiring women because. Girl power. That's interesting.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I've never admired a woman, though.

[Ryland Adams]

True.

[Chris]

You hate them. You hate women that are just like you.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I love women. What do you mean?

[Chris]

Anytime I've seen it. Anytime I've seen a movie where. Where the actress reminds me of Lizzie, I won't even. I literally will be like, oh, have you seen this movie? And Liz will go, I hate that. What? That girl. And I'm like, oh, my God. I was thinking, I love jla.

[Ryland Adams]

You do? That's a new development. Jennifer Lawrence.

[Chris]

Okay, yes. I meant more. Is Jennifer Lawrence your personality? I don't think that's your personality. Grab that Diet Coke and pass.

[Ryland Adams]

She was living as if she was the one that fell on the stairs at the Oscars. And now you just ripped that from.

[Chris]

Is that your personality? I won an Oscar at 22 in my life.

[Ryland Adams]

It is good.

[Chris]

I was thinking more like snarky. I guess JLA is snarky. Okay.

[Ryland Adams]

This poor woman. We can never get through.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I hate this burrito so much. I'm so mad at you for sharing that case of I don't want your stupid bowl.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, and you can't go back in hours. Three long. Whoa. The line's three hours long. He's reading this.

[Chris]

I lost where I was. Oh, okay. The past year, the gay thoughts have been louder and louder, and I can't ignore them.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'm telling you, just be gay.

[Chris]

I just don't know how to do this. I don't have a support circle. It's sad, but I don't really have any friends due to moving a lot, and I can't imagine my life without him. Despite all of this, I do love him. He's my best friend and we've built a life together. But I know this isn't fair to him. What if he's gay and I need something? I need to do something about it? Any advice? Wow.

[Ryland Adams]

Lizzie's advice is not wrong. This is tragic.

[Chris]

You might be bi. There's a world where you're not a lesbian. If you love him and you're attracted to him too, then you might be bi. And listen, I don't know.

[Ryland Adams]

It's still not fair to him.

[Chris]

It's still not fair. There is a world where you could. You should just talk to him. If he's your best friend, you should talk to him. And you guys could continue to be friends afterward.

[Ryland Adams]

It's. It's going to ruin your life. As you know it. But there's no way you can. I mean, it is, but I think you can either build a better one. But there's no way you can explore wall with him without.

[Chris]

Well, you could, but that could get messy.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I don't think it'll ruin your life as you know it. I think it'll remodel your life as you know it. You're gonna be in the same house, but you're gonna have a nicer kitchen that you're gonna actually want.

[Ryland Adams]

Jeez. What, you're saying the. The put pussy is a better kitchen than a penis? If you're gay.

[Chris]

Yeah. If you're, like, gay.

[Lizzie Gordon]

If you're gay and you want to do gay shit.

[Ryland Adams]

But also her life as she knows it right now isn't real.

[Chris]

It's like. It's not. Yeah.

[Ryland Adams]

It's. It's. It's not authentic. It's not like. And if you're at this point, you owe it to yourself to try when.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You really want Mexican food.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And he.

[Chris]

And you need to. If you truly love him as much as you say you do, that you would want him to be with someone who is really attracted to. To him. Because that. You know what I mean? Like. Like when I want Rylan to give me little compliments and he doesn't. Like, earlier in the show, I yell.

[Ryland Adams]

At him all the time in the chance that he might ever need to need a woman again. What did you just say?

[Chris]

Huh?

[Ryland Adams]

I threaten him on ever having to act on needing a woman again.

[Lizzie Gordon]

This is supposed to make him like you more.

[Chris]

But here's what.

[Lizzie Gordon]

I'm not saying I do anything more.

[Chris]

Appealing, but Rylan is the best of both worlds. He gets mad when I say that.

[Ryland Adams]

That period.

[Chris]

Now you. Now you like it.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, I'm just.

[Chris]

You have cheese all over your lips.

[Ryland Adams]

Yeah, whatever.

[Chris]

Cuz you're. You're a man, but you're also kind of a woman.

[Ryland Adams]

I'm a mom.

[Chris]

Right.

[Lizzie Gordon]

You're a bitch.

[Chris]

So maybe you should find. Maybe your man is too manly and you need one. No, you just need to come out.

[Lizzie Gordon]

And talk to him and remodel your kitchen, girl.

[Ryland Adams]

Remodel that kitchen.

[Chris]

And you know what? Honestly, I know having support and. And having people and all that is important, but I will say I've had moments in my life where I felt alone, and I've had to have big life changes. And honestly, it made me turn to God. It made me turn to other things. It kind of made me turn to myself. Really. And I think, yes, it's good to have support, and you need that. But if you're alone, you're not alone. Somebody's looking out for you. We're here.

[Ryland Adams]

And when you're living authentically, you're going to attract people that become your support. You really will.

[Chris]

Yeah. Because if you're also not living authentically, you might have some inauthentic friendships, and those aren't really great support systems anyways because they don't actually tell them what's going on here. Because, for example. Well, I don't want to get into the drama, but. But yeah, if you have something going on in your life and. And then you reach out to people and then they're like, this is too much. And then they, like, stop responding. It's like, oh, do they actually care?

[Ryland Adams]

They don't.

[Chris]

No.

[Ryland Adams]

We're wishing you well, girl. And we're hoping you find happiness in all of this and some good ass pussy. Hide any part of yourself.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Get that.

[Ryland Adams]

Where does this fall?

[Chris]

Oh, my gosh. You know what? I've been so. Oh, is there still cheese on your lips? Okay. Wow. That was just like. Max, that was crazy.

[Ryland Adams]

Whoever wrapped this up hates me.

[Chris]

Well, I've been making the boys smoothies lately, and I walk in the room with the little smoothie in the straw and both boys and they go crazy. And you literally. That was crazy. Okay.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Who.

[Ryland Adams]

I'm full.

[Chris]

It's good, but it's not great. I would give it like. I haven't. You haven't actually done what I asked, which is every time you do the sip, you bring me a Diet Coke. And on the Patreon, we do my.

[Ryland Adams]

Diet Coke review rankings is the king.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Ryland Adams]

Where's and who's the bottom? Yeah.

[Chris]

The bottom would be.

[Ryland Adams]

Oh, that's hard, isn't it? I remember you saying you liked raising canes Diet Coke.

[Chris]

Oh, I did. I did. This is below that. I would say right now, out of what we have tried, Diet Coke, raising canes, Chipotle. But, like, you know, the list is evolving. Oh, always, always evolving.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, the hot honey chipotle chicken or whatever it is. It is at Chipotle is worth trying, I would say, especially in the Casa de la. It's doing great things for. Especially the quesadilla. Oh, my gosh. It's delicious.

[Lizzie Gordon]

It's whatever in this burrito.

[Ryland Adams]

You're whatever in the burrito. It's because it's a long, hard thing and you want to pocket. Do you just not get enough of the flavor in there? Because there's so much.

[Lizzie Gordon]

No, there's just too much going on in here.

[Ryland Adams]

Like the brown R. She's just a lesbian and she wants the quesadilla.

[Chris]

I didn't. Okay, hold on. Let me try this chicken without.

[Ryland Adams]

So good.

[Chris]

It's very good.

[Ryland Adams]

And they rarely have, like, new things. Yeah. So it's exciting.

[Chris]

It tastes like they just cooked it in the salad dressing, which I'm not complaining about.

[Ryland Adams]

Delicious.

[Chris]

But yeah, it's good. I feel like you could have already done this yourself if you just got salad dressing.

[Ryland Adams]

Well, now I feel sick cuz I ate so much. If you want to continue on this journey, we have quite the show for you over on Patreon today. The after sip is bumpalumping.

[Chris]

We already started filming it, which is why. That's why I got confused because I didn't know what we were filming.

[Ryland Adams]

But I'm confusing everyone doing that. The after sip is really like, oh, my God. I laughed at a beast blew out.

[Chris]

I'm so embarrassed.

[Lizzie Gordon]

Chris just projectile vomited on the cyber truck with rage in his heart. I literally heard him go, you Elon Musk. But I cleaned up. Shucked up.

[Ryland Adams]

Okay. The after sip is after the shed, before the food, during the process and after. So make sure you go.

[Chris]

You gotta. Let's hype it up a little bit. What did we do? We got into a fight.

[Ryland Adams]

We got into a fight here. We ranked all. We ranked all theme parks that we've been to in the last month, which is four. Basically all the big ones in California. And I really do want to stop through Taco Bell and try the churro.

[Chris]

What time is it? 2:21.

[Ryland Adams]

Let's go right now. Okay, we're signing off the sip. Thank you guys so much. Make sure you subscribe to Shane. He just had a podcast go live this past weekend that was incredible. And Elizabeth has been posting vlogs and Chris is a sketch queen over on Instagram. So make sure you're following every sketchy queen.

[Chris]

Isn't he sketchy?

[Ryland Adams]

Shady queen. Thank you guys so much for watching and supporting our show. We love you very much for. See you next week. Goodbye. And that's the sip.