We Eat EVERYTHING At COSTCO!!!

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We Eat EVERYTHING At COSTCO!!!"

The Sip with Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon
Host/Author: Ryland Adams
Release Date: December 18, 2024
Episode Title: We Eat EVERYTHING At COSTCO!!!

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Introduction

In this lively episode of The Sip, hosts Ryland Adams and co-host Lizze Gordon, alongside their guests Shane and Chris, dive into a whirlwind of topics ranging from holiday preparations and personal anecdotes to celebrity gossip and an epic food adventure at Costco. True to their mantra, "NOTHING is off limits," the group engages in uncensored and engaging conversations that promise to captivate both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Holiday Prep and Vlog Scheduling

The episode kicks off with Shane expressing his panic upon realizing that Christmas is just a week away. This oversight leads to a frantic discussion about their podcast and vlog schedules, emphasizing the challenges of balancing content creation with the impending holidays.

• Shane: "[02:00] Christmas is next week, and I still have... I have two more Christmas vlogs to go up."
• Chris: "[02:12] And imagine not taking any time off."

Wildfire in Malibu and Evacuation Experiences

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around a recent wildfire in Malibu that almost threatened their home. Shane recounts the terrifying experience of sensing the fire's approach and the subsequent evacuation efforts, highlighting the emotional and logistical strain of such natural disasters.

• Shane: "[07:18] And when we saw the smoke... we thought, get out. We're probably going to be evacuated."
• Chris: "[16:22] And then he starts getting mad at me and I just keep trying to persuade him."

Parenting Stories and Baby Milestones

The hosts share heartwarming and humorous stories about their children achieving milestones like walking, along with the struggles of parenting multiple kids and pets. They delve into topics such as baby-proofing the house, managing sleep schedules, and the joys and challenges of raising toddlers and puppies simultaneously.

• Shane: "[13:21] Max is just, like, walking confidently now."
• Chris: "[37:40] There's something sweet about it. We're connecting in a new way."

Baby Monitors and Parenting Hacks

Shane vents about the frustrations with high-end baby monitors, emphasizing the difficulty of connectivity and usability during travels. They discuss alternative solutions and the importance of reliable monitoring for new parents.

• Shane: "[20:15] I fucking beef with banana baby monitors... it takes me 30 fucking minutes and a mommy meltdown before I can get my babies on screen."
• Chris: "[22:31] My beef with the nanit is it's beyond not being portable."

Pop Culture and Celebrity Gossip

Staying true to their pop culture roots, the group delves into the latest celebrity news. They discuss rumors surrounding Shawn Mendes, Camila Cabello, and John Mayer, offering their candid opinions and dissecting the intricacies of celebrity relationships and public personas.

• Shane: "[49:17] ...Shawn Mendes thought talking about Sabrina and Camila..."
• Chris: "[54:21] Megan Fox has been cheated on by Machine Gun Kelly... he's cheating on her."

Abercrombie Clothing Review

Shane shares his mixed experiences with Abercrombie’s clothing line, praising the softness of their sweatpants while critiquing the overly cropped designs in the men's section. The conversation highlights generational differences in fashion preferences.

• Shane: "[43:13] They have the softest, most buttery sweatpants."
• Chris: "[43:14] Are you sure this shirt's men's?"

Costco Food Adventure

In a highlight reel of the episode, the hosts embark on their ambitious mission to "eat everything" offered by Costco. From hot dogs and pizza to chicken bakes and decadent milkshakes, they provide detailed reviews and personal reactions to each item. Their infectious enthusiasm makes this segment both entertaining and relatable for listeners.

• Shane: "[67:25] This hard chicken bake the whole half? Yeah, girl."
• Chris: "[68:28] Hot off the presses."
• Lizzie: "[81:49] I am sad the churro is gone, though. I used to love it."

Notable Quotes:

• Shane: "[07:18]...we thought, get out. We're probably going to be evacuated." – Discussing the Malibu wildfire experience.
• Chris: "[37:40] There's something sweet about it. We're connecting in a new way." – Reflecting on parenting milestones.
• Shane: "[43:13] They have the softest, most buttery sweatpants." – Reviewing Abercrombie clothing.

Conclusion

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts reflect on their year, express gratitude towards their listeners, and share lighthearted moments over their Costco culinary expedition. They wrap up with plans for a brief hiatus during the holiday season, promising an exciting return in the new year.

• Shane: "[73:53] It might be at the top now. And the radio segment was so good."
• Chris: "[82:39] Lizzie's talking to the guy like, we need a knife."

Final Thoughts

"We Eat EVERYTHING At COSTCO!!!" is a testament to the hosts' ability to blend personal stories, parenting challenges, and pop culture commentary into a cohesive and engaging narrative. Their authentic interactions and humorous exchanges offer listeners a genuine glimpse into their lives, making it a must-listen episode for fans of The Sip.

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Notable Exclusions:
As per the request, advertisements, sponsored segments, and non-content sections were omitted to maintain focus on the core discussions and narratives of the episode.

Transcript

[Lizzie]

I'm sorry.

[Chris]

Oh, my God. No slate. Well, wait, wait. What's your message to the people if you had a slate?

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Lizzie]

Be kind to each other.

[Chris]

We've learned how that Ellen's famous last words were they. Yeah.

[Shane]

Oh, you're not hot on the Ellen drama.

[Chris]

My dad says it to it every time. I'm like, what are you wishing upon this family?

[Ryland]

Oh, I remember.

[Shane]

It was here on this podcast where I said, what are you doing?

[Chris]

He does it on my vlog every time.

[Shane]

What is he doing? I thought there was a Christmas disaster this morning.

[Chris]

What?

[Shane]

Well, hold on. Let's let Chris plug in real quick.

[Chris]

Plug it in, Plug it in.

[Shane]

I just don't know if it will be loud. Okay. I thought there was a Christmas disaster this morning. I'm, like, getting ready, and normally I see, like, Chris's cars here, and I'm like, you. He's here this morning. I was just texting Lizzy as if Chris was gone. I was like, I'm not going to text him. I'm not going to be the one to have, like, my text message on his phone.

[Chris]

This is all because Chris's car wasn't in the driveway. He never reached out to Chris.

[Shane]

How would Chris be here if his car wasn't?

[Chris]

Well, he's done this before. He's gotten rides to work before.

[Shane]

I know, but I felt like there was a warning or something. I just. This was. I literally started.

[Chris]

He's like, call Chris. I can't be the one calling a dead man. Not on a Monday. Not like this. My kids are napping before Christmas nonetheless.

[Shane]

And I was like, is it truly.

[Chris]

The Monday before Christmas?

[Shane]

Yes, Christmas is next week. That is what I just realized. Christmas is next week and I still have. It's literally. Did you know that it's next Wednesday in one week? What?

[Chris]

It's literally next Wednesday.

[Shane]

I know.

[Chris]

And imagine not taking any time off.

[Shane]

Imagine how devastated I am. I still have three more Christmas vlogs. Well, by the time this goes up, I still have two more Christmas vlogs to go up. I'm never gonna get them up before Christmas. I'm gonna have post Christmas Christmas vlogs.

[Chris]

I have two in the can.

[Shane]

I hated Halloween. After Halloween happened, should I just drop.

[Chris]

Two this week and then stop?

[Shane]

I guess.

[Chris]

I never even released my jingle.

[Shane]

You know, I always have a Christmas.

[Chris]

I wrote a Christmas jingle.

[Shane]

And you didn't put it out?

[Chris]

No, I'm a new mom.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Chris]

I haven't even recorded it. I wrote it. I. When I Say I wrote it. I called a friend and I said, I need you to drop everything you're doing today and write my vlog.

[Shane]

Do you want to share it here? Have you record, like, is there backing tracks? Well, then I don't think it happened.

[Chris]

Me.

[Shane]

It did.

[Chris]

I shot twice with this poor man. This poor man took hours out of his life. Right.

[Shane]

This shit you haven't edited.

[Chris]

No, I haven't edited it.

[Shane]

Okay, I'm very confused.

[Chris]

I know you don't.

[Shane]

The lyrics are on paper.

[Chris]

Think how I feel. I just found out next week's Christmas. Thank God my family doesn't do gifts.

[Shane]

I was panicking last night about my vlog upload schedule, and Shane was like, well, Christmas is next week. And I said, well, what? What? What? I had no idea. I have not gotten everything in that I need to get done.

[Chris]

No. My dad and I literally just recorded a workshop version of our pod where we talk about Christmas, and nobody once said, it's next week.

[Shane]

Dang. And that means that this is the last episode of the year for this podcast.

[Chris]

Is it for the whole year.

[Shane]

We always take Christmas week and New Year's week off. Every year since this podcast has started, there's no ads. I told them, like, three months ago, we will be off.

[Chris]

So they knew Christmas was coming.

[Shane]

I didn't.

[Chris]

Wow.

[Shane]

And you know the craziest part? I saw that there were no ads next week, and I was like, oh, we're really flopping. No, that was my fault. It's Christmas.

[Chris]

Imagine if we dropped an episode on Christmas Day.

[Shane]

I don't.

[Chris]

We.

[Shane]

No, I don't.

[Chris]

For funsies, a little gift.

[Shane]

That's a little crazy.

[Chris]

Is it? I have so much fun doing this.

[Shane]

I have so much to do, though, that I haven't done. Like, I've done a lot of Christmas shopping, but I still need to, like, get it all solidified. You know what I mean?

[Chris]

People keep asking if I'm free to do things. I'm like, yeah, I'm here for the holidays. And then I was looking at, no, I'm not free to do anything. Are you stupid? Let's get dinner. Like, what?

[Shane]

I guess my whole. I think I'm thrown off because my last whole week was like. Like, I don't. I don't even know where to begin.

[Chris]

He was selectively evacuated. Electively evacuated, actually, is what I've been saying.

[Shane]

Okay. Well, after we filmed on Monday. Monday night. It was Monday night, A fire broke out in Malibu, which was crazy because.

[Chris]

I had a weird feeling. And I texted Ryland I think we left the candle burning in the podcast shed. Go blow it out.

[Shane]

And that was right before I went to dinner.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And I was like, fuck you for making me think that. And then I walked my ass out here right before dinner. We go to dinner. We have a great time. Because my family was still here. My grandma loves Steakhous. We took her to our favorite steakhouse. It was a beautiful night. We go to sleep. My mom wakes Shane and I up at 1am and was like, have you guys seen this? My mom got one of those crazy alerts on her phone that even if your phone's on silent, it's gonna wake the whole house up. Well, turns out it didn't wake up the whole house, but it definitely woke up her. And then she woke up us. But it's just like, go figure that her, who lives in Colorado, got the notification and Shane and I would have. Malibu was on fire, and it was crazy. And then we were up for an hour and a half watching the live broadcast. It's so tragic when these wildfire happens. And a lot of people, I don't know the total count of people that did lose their home, but especially right before Christmas, it's just devastating and awful and horrible. I think because the Woolsey fire, which happened actually the day we moved into this house years ago, they had a different plan of attack. So instead of, like, slowly sending workers out to the scene, they just all hands on deck. And luckily, they did contain this one, I believe a lot faster. But we were right on, like, across. There's one road separating. What was the evacuation zone from our house.

[Chris]

Right.

[Shane]

And the first night we thought, we'll be okay staying here for now. We'll just chill. The next day, we were filming Morgan's semi annual cookie decorating video. And is it semi?

[Chris]

It's every year.

[Shane]

Well, I say semi annual because last year we had babies and it didn't happen.

[Chris]

Oh.

[Shane]

Cause we had babies in December.

[Chris]

Did she not do it without you?

[Shane]

Did you watch a repeat?

[Chris]

I don't know anymore. Continue.

[Shane]

So we're in the middle of film. Well, we just start filming her video, and then I go out to let the dogs go to the bathroom, and I see the entire curse. You're kind of distracting us.

[Lizzie]

Oh, I was finding how many homes burned.

[Shane]

Sorry. We're so. We're both, like, distracted. Did it tell you? Yeah. How many?

[Lizzie]

Six homes destroyed. Six structures.

[Shane]

Oh, it was crazy. It was. It went right up to Malibu Country Mart. They were saying the pier was in danger. The Malibu Country Mart was in danger. Luckily, I don't think any of those structures burned. Yeah, but it is just so wild. And then we go out and there is only like one. I don't know if you even call it a mountain. It's technically a mountain but like right over the hill of our house is.

[Ryland]

Where the fire was.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And it was climbing the hill because it's been pretty dry here and there's a lot of like dead brush. So it's just like climbing the brush even though the wind's going the opposite way. And when we saw the smoke kind of coming like the fire and smoke coming over the mountain, it's kind of crazy. I took a little video, I'll insert it here. We just thought, get out. We're probably going to be evacuated no matter what. So with two babies, it's probably for the best if we do it during the daytime when we can actually plan and coordinate this. Then having a fireman come knock on the door at 2am and we have to figure out where to go with two babies.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So we just like. And it is crazy because it is so close and it's just a weird thing to know.

[Chris]

If I see smoke and fire crawling over the hills, I'm out.

[Shane]

Right. And so when we start packing, it's like we were packing for worst case scenario. In hindsight maybe I would have done things a little different.

[Chris]

Like I brought important things were a little confusing to me.

[Shane]

Well, I brought our full cribs because I love our cribs. And I was like, God forbid our house goes right. I want our full blown cribs. In hindsight I would have just brought some pack in place and dealt with the cribs later because that was a real night when you were like, well.

[Chris]

I took all the necessary things. So two full cribs, all of our beds, I talk, all the pillows and the couch.

[Shane]

Well, it's a weird thing.

[Chris]

Of course I brought the Christmas tree. It was fifteen hundred dollars.

[Shane]

Go to the corner of our house machine and be like, okay, what's necessary? And you want to know the other crazy thing I did?

[Chris]

You brought the Christmas tree.

[Shane]

I left the Christmas tree. But I brought every present because I thought God forbid every present. I had a theory.

[Chris]

And when he says every present, that's a fuck lot of presents these guys have present.

[Shane]

Well, my theory was, although like things like presents don't really matter, I thought worst case scenario, we're going to be so devastated that maybe like having Christmas morning would give us some joy, you know, like having Some sort of normal if worst case scenario happened. But then how the fuck did you.

[Chris]

Bring all the presents? Well, we had 13 people and presents.

[Shane]

Well, we took a lot of car trips there. I had to take two different car trips there. It was crazy because everyone was getting out and it was just. It was wild and crazy. Thankfully, Shane had found an Airbnb earlier in the day because he kind of sensed that we were going to have to evacuate. And thank God we found it. It was crazy though, because there wasn't.

[Ryland]

A bedroom on the bottom floor.

[Shane]

Of course I brought my two big cribs. The only place the two big cribs would fit was it like the pool gas station.

[Chris]

Did you have to break down the cribs to bring them? So you broke down the cribs?

[Shane]

I have a truck. So I put them in the truck and then one of them fit in the g wa with my seat folded down. So then I was stacking everything inside of the crib. I was like playing a game of Tetris with our entire life.

[Chris]

It's kind of like fun though. But like when I was super poor and I'd have to move out of my houses in just my Prius and I had to do it in one time because it was just me and no one to help, I could pack a Prius. I could pack a 1993 Honda Civic with so much film. So much.

[Shane]

And.

[Chris]

Hold on, let me just tell Chris something really quick. Okay, Chris. I can fit 10 C stands and 25 sandbags, four milk crates and an Arri Alexa mini camera kit in my car. No lenses. How Isn't that nuts, bro? In a two door 1993 Honda Civic.

[Shane]

How?

[Chris]

Make it make sense. It's like a clown car. Every time I did that, people were like, shut up. And I'd be like, no, seriously, come unload my car because I don't want to do it. It was like every. Okay, back to your story. It's crazy what I could fit in there, but I know exactly what and where I could fit in that car. We called it the piss miss.

[Shane]

Well, we just had the entire house, like, bringing things out. It's just so crazy and wild to pack everything that you think is essential for your life. Yeah, and my grandma's just looking at us like, of course it's when my grandma's here, by the way. Like, dude, I think every trip this year she's the.

[Chris]

Mayhem.

[Shane]

The first time she tried coming, I got Covid. Like from the time she took off to the time she landed, they had to turn right back around and go home. The second time, we had a, like, main water line leak, and the water was out for three days while they were here. This third time, a fire happens, and we have to evacuate the house.

[Chris]

Do you think Nana McAllister started the fire? Do you think she did that? What if last time she was here in the middle of the night with a pick sack, Pickaxe. She's hitting the waterline.

[Shane]

She's, like, trying to prove a point to my mom. That is not smart to cut hair. She's like, I just want to be at home.

[Chris]

Nana McCallister literally spit Covid into an envelope and mailed it to you with some cookies.

[Shane]

But it was just a wild and crazy adventure. We were at the Airbnb for three days. My babies didn't sleep there because we do have them in separate rooms. They. They sleep at night fine. Like, coexisting. And it did melt my heart because while we were at the Airbnb, they'd wake up in the morning by, like, each standing in their cribs looking at each other, just talking to each other. And then I'd walk in, and they're both, like, to each other. And then I walk in and they're like. Like, hey, so that was cute. And then I thought, oh, maybe we can, like, this is a good trial run for putting them back together during the day for naps as well. Maybe I could have my office back. No, they didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes for the entire day. And they were cranky as hell. And I was like, if we can get back to this house, I'm going back to this house. But in all of that, we were playing on the ground. And out of the corner of my eye, I see Max launch off the couch and walk to Shane, like, four steps away. And I thought, what the fuck? And Shane's screaming and freaking out, like, max is walking.

[Chris]

Max is walking.

[Shane]

And I was like, oh, my God.

[Ryland]

It wasn't to me. And I nearly missed it.

[Shane]

Like, I only saw some movement out of the corner of my eye.

[Chris]

My first thought, it wasn't to me.

[Shane]

How tragic, right?

[Chris]

If that's not the title of a middle child's autobiography, I don't know what is.

[Shane]

And then Shane goes, well, maybe Jet's first steps will be to you. I'm like, fuck you.

[Lizzie]

Fuck you.

[Chris]

You do have a second try, though.

[Shane]

Yeah, I do. Thank God when we did get back home, it wasn't a fluke. Now Max is just, like, walking. That's what's so funny moments of the day.

[Chris]

Rylan texts me and he goes, well, he's really just falling with confidence. With confidence. And I was like, no, I'm. I've watched the video. He's walking.

[Shane]

That was trying to make me feel better that it wasn't to me, like, it wasn't intentional. He like. Because the first time, the first couple of times, it was more like, he's going to do this and he takes a few steps, but then he just, like kind of flops forward. So I was like, no, he's, he's. He's falling confidently.

[Chris]

I got a bunch of movies from you where you're like, he's falling confidently, but it's like a feature length film of this dude on a fudgeing walk to the mall to a hike to a fudgeing marathon. The dude just walks.

[Shane]

Yeah. And now he's walking a walker. Like, he. And then he's like, he's not like, walking across the room with, like. It takes you a second to learn he's walking, but it's like, we're still in the learning phases of walking. But, like, if you hold your two hands out, he'll just, like, fly across the room. Like, oh, shit. I have to baby proof this entire house. I really gotta find, like, a pool contractor.

[Chris]

I say that every week. Well, shit, I really gotta baby proof this.

[Shane]

That was the nursery. I had baby proofed the nursery when they really started becoming mobile with crawling. And now that they're mobile with walking, it's like, fuck, yeah.

[Chris]

This is game over, bro.

[Shane]

Game over. And I got to get my pool fence.

[Chris]

Like, you couldn't wait for this.

[Shane]

I know. And I still, like, it was one of the proudest moments ever. And I never post the babies on social media. And I posted them walking or Max walking on social media just because I was like, oh, my gosh.

[Chris]

Question.

[Shane]

What?

[Chris]

Did you post that out of pride for Max or because you look incredibly hot in the video?

[Shane]

It was all good, right? The aesthetics. It was a clean. It was like. It happened to be a clean nursery that day. It, like, showed off, off my beautiful design.

[Chris]

She sent it to me and I was like, you've never looked so hot. Such a heterosexual way.

[Shane]

If I don't end up on, like, Dil's Instagram page for that one, I'm going to be pissed.

[Chris]

Yeah. Then there are no Dils on that page.

[Shane]

And I did love that, like, 12 hours later, Lizzy was like, do you realize how hot you look in that video? And I thought, wow, you did not need to give my ego that I.

[Chris]

Didn'T and I shouldn't have, cuz look where I am on the couch today. Look where it landed me, folks.

[Shane]

And then luckily they did contain the fire in a way that it was no longer spreading or crawling towards our house. So we made it back after like one rude encounter with a cop and.

[Chris]

Oh, well, you brought it up.

[Shane]

Well, I was just thinking about my journey back home. I'm like, crazy.

[Chris]

You're speeding. You've got all these presents, you've got cribs in your truck.

[Shane]

I have three.

[Chris]

A cybertruck or a G wagon. And this police officer in the middle of a disaster has the audacity to tell me to slow down.

[Shane]

Get this. So when we left our house, they were. All the surrounding streets were blocked off because they're in evacuation zones and you have to show your ID to get into the streets. But because we don't live like, where the fire is, like, currently in danger, you can get in with your id. And as we're leaving, the cop was so nice. He's talking about the cybertruck to me. I'm like, can I get back in here? Because I still have to make one more run. He's like, totally.

[Chris]

I'm just getting the essentials.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's just the essentials.

[Chris]

My hair pills and every Christmas present my husband's been buying for 15 years.

[Shane]

And so he lets me in and then we make a couple of trips. And then when I'm coming back to the house when the fire's more contained, I'm like, I've planned this meticulously with the baby's schedule because I had to travel with two cribs and make two trips from somewhere that was 30 minutes away. And I was doing this like before their lunchtime, before a nap time. So I had to get them home for lunch, but then I had to unpack their bedroom for nap time. And I was like, down to the minute.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And I'm pulling over and this cops just like, nope, firefighters only. And I was like, well, what's changed? It's only gotten better. He's like, nope. And I said, why have two babies? You can see the crib in the back of my car. My house is literally right there. If you make me go around, it's going to take me 30 minutes instead of two minutes that it would take me just to get right here. And they let me yesterday. He's like, absolutely not. You can call the sheriff's. And then he starts getting mad at me and I Just keep trying to, like, persuade him, because you're going to save my life.

[Chris]

And this is how you guys were in the face of authority. Well, I just need to get this picture right here, right now.

[Shane]

And then he walks away from me, and he goes to the other cop and he goes, if there weren't babies in there, I would have screamed in his face. But he, like, yells that the babies.

[Chris]

Were in the car.

[Shane]

Yeah, they were with me in the car.

[Chris]

Oh, I didn't realize they were with you in the car.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

What a fucking nightmare. This guy.

[Shane]

Yeah, he saw me in the middle of the back seat with two babies pleading, saying, oh, my God, it's their lunchtime, and I need to get them down. We're like.

[Chris]

So he screamed that at his partner.

[Shane]

So he walks away from my car, and then he screams, if there were babies in that car, I would have yelled at them. And then he sits in his front seat and starts looking at us and goes from his megaphone, just saying, nobody can get through here. Nobody can get through here. And so I'm like, shane, you call the sheriff. Because he's like, you call the sheriff's office. And then they were answering. So I finally was like, whatever. We're just gonna go around and have them be miserable because they're starving and tired.

[Chris]

Was Shane tripping?

[Shane]

Great day. Copy. Yeah, I can see that.

[Chris]

Killing him.

[Shane]

He was driving because I was in the backseat of the car, and then he kept putting the auto drive on the Tesla, but the auto drive was pissing me off, and I was like.

[Chris]

Can you just drive the fucking car? Sounds like a really fun, little exciting adventure.

[Shane]

It was very fun. It was a little bit. A lot of it stressful. But like my sister then I extended my family stay so that they could kind of help us throughout all of that. And we did end up having so much fun. Even Morgan was like, that was the most fun winter camp ever. Like, once we got settled and stuff, and we were, like, in a new city and just like, yeah, it was fun. Even though it could have, like, whatever. We were trying to have fun and something that was really crazy.

[Chris]

That's all you can do. Like, life is always going to life at you. So as long as you can have fun and get all the presents in the car on two trips, you're doing it right.

[Ryland]

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[Shane]

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[Ryland]

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[Shane]

These personalized pieces are going to work.

[Ryland]

For me and the fit is always flawless. I'm not quite sure how she does.

[Shane]

It, but she definitely gets me.

[Ryland]

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[Shane]

And I do. Well, whatever this too. In the weeds, but I fucking beef with banana baby monitors. They're like the most expensive bougie monitors you could get, yet every time I travel or move one, it doesn't let me to connect to it, and it takes me 30 fucking minutes and a mommy meltdown before I can get my babies on screen.

[Chris]

I think that's all monitors, though. You saw the one I brought over here, too.

[Shane]

I know, but you would think the nanit, which is like a million dollars. A million dollars and like the best monitor.

[Chris]

No, my beef with the nanite is it's beyond not being portable, which is annoying because it's so small.

[Shane]

I bought a new one when we went to Colorado because I had such a fit that I couldn't get it out of its stand.

[Chris]

Well, I. One of my friends who has two nanites because he has twins and is also a new parent, did not advise me to get the one that nanit that goes on the floor, even though I did ask him to look at my baby registry and tell me which nanit to get.

[Shane]

Well, now I would do the one that's on Rylan.

[Chris]

Led me astray.

[Shane]

No, I have the one on the stand.

[Chris]

Yeah, I know you do, and I showed you.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Are you stupid?

[Shane]

Yeah. Now I would say get the one on the movable gimbal, because even though there's either a wall mount, which fucking blows, I got you looked at my baby registry.

[Chris]

And you're like, yeah, that's great. And that's the one I got. I cannot use it. I have never used it because it's stuck on the fucking wall over the crib that my son does not sleep in.

[Shane]

Doesn't that drive you crazy?

[Chris]

And I had to go another one. Well, I go buy another baby monitor so that I could see him in his crib in my room. Which I get. I get it. I'm in the room too. Why do I need a baby monitor in the room that I'm in too? I want to leave the room sometimes. And sometimes I just don't want to get out of my bed to see if his eyes are open before I snoo his ass. I was up every hour last night. I'm gonna be real with you guys.

[Shane]

I just feel like. And then I found a problem with the stand one too. The one that I have. You literally can't take it apart. Yeah, you can't take it apart to, like fold it down to truffle. They don't allow that. The power cord doesn't come through and. Right. Moments before we were going to Colorado, I spent 30 minutes and had a full blown meltdown because that was my plan for a baby monitor. So then we land, and at 10pm I'm running to target in Colorado to get a new baby monitor. Drives me crazy.

[Chris]

All of it makes me sick.

[Shane]

So I guess I wasn't the only one having problems.

[Chris]

Monitors you can get that are apparent, that you can put on an iPad that you don't. That don't require bringing a physical camera. My friend Jessica actually told me because when I didn't have the monitor in the bedroom and I wanted out of the room, she's like, just get the app.

[Shane]

I love a lot of the features of the nanit, though. Like, we. We wore the breathing straps all the way until a year, and those really brought me a lot of comfort. It tells you how many breaths a minute. It tells you the temperature in the room, the humidity in the room. So I like the nanit for a lot of reasons. I just can't move it or connect to it. But there was the only things you.

[Chris]

Really need in a baby monitor. If you're a mom or a dad with babies, you know this like, God damn it.

[Shane]

Tragedy wasn't only in my neighborhood, I guess it was a full moon, Mercury was in retrograde, and there was a tornado in your hometown.

[Chris]

Girl, honestly, I don't. No. I love making things about me. It does seem like There have been a series of natural disasters that are all like, like, targeted towards me. And I'm like, God, am I that special that you're sending straight up rapture my way? My way. There was a tornado in my hometown, and it hit down basically where my old house was that I grew up in, which is crazy. When I was growing up in California.

[Shane]

Yeah, in California, I didn't know there were tornadoes.

[Chris]

And it, like, up, too. Like, it. Like.

[Shane]

You say this proudly. I mean, are people.

[Chris]

It's about me. How often does a tornado hit down and it's about you?

[Shane]

I mean, often when I live in Colorado.

[Chris]

Well, that seems like it's not. Probably not about you then. This was like an act of God. Like, a tornado's never stretched down in Scotts Valley, California. Like, it's about me. Let's be real. But there's two other things.

[Shane]

Trying to find you. Wouldn't it have come to Van Nuys?

[Chris]

No, there's two other things that are about me. I can't remember one of them, but the other one is if I check my text with Haley, I can remember it might have been the fire in Malibu. It could have been the Malibu.

[Shane]

You made my problem your problem?

[Chris]

Well, you're my best friend.

[Shane]

And what would happen if we didn't have a podcast shed?

[Chris]

It would probably still be about me in some way.

[Shane]

No, no, no. I'm making it.

[Chris]

Oh, that's never stopped us before. We can podcast from anywhere.

[Shane]

I guess that's.

[Chris]

And you have the cyber truck, so we're fine. Anyway, the tornado hit down in the parking lot where when I was in high school, I lived, like, across the street and around the corner from it. And sometimes I didn't have a house phone, and I didn't have a cell phone and I didn't have a computer. It was the early audios, guys. It was crazy. But I used to walk from my house to what's now a Target, but what back then was a Kmart, and they had public computers, and I would go on the public computer, go on MySpace and drop a bulletin and say, hey, if anybody sees this, call me at McDonald's and pick me up. And then I drop the number for the call for the pay phone at the McDonald's, and I'd go back to the McDonald's and just sit and wait for people to call me on the phone at McDonald's to come pick me up to hang out.

[Shane]

Isn't that crazy that we lived in that world? So crazy our kids will never know that.

[Chris]

No, it's a. It was a wild.

[Shane]

It is. And even my mom was. Or my grandma was talking this week about how, like, at birthday celebrations, once her kids were grown, I was like, how did you coordinate that without cell phones? Like, how could you get all five kids the notice of where you're going.

[Chris]

To be and when you send invitations out via the mail? Right.

[Shane]

That would be awful.

[Chris]

What did she say?

[Shane]

I didn't really get it.

[Chris]

Carrier pigeons. She just said. Huh.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Chris]

That was nasty. I felt bad about it. Can you cut that out?

[Shane]

She doesn't listen to anything.

[Chris]

Cut that out, too. I'm tired. I just thought I was funny, but now I feel nasty. And I really love and respect her. God damn it, Nana. I'm sorry.

[Shane]

Oh, God. She doesn't listen to the podcast. It's fine.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Shane]

Okay. So what happened to the Kmart target?

[Chris]

It tore up the fucking parking lot and threw a bunch of cars around. And honestly, I was texting with Haley about it, and she's like, you probably would have been there. And it's like, yeah, I probably would have been there.

[Shane]

Oh, my God. What if somebody was there and you're hypothetically being there?

[Chris]

No other people were there, but it wasn't about them. It was about me, and thank God I wasn't there. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Shane]

Do you know if everyone's okay?

[Chris]

No, but I have a feeling it is. Feeling everything's fine.

[Shane]

I love how you know that there was a tornado and you did look into it, but not enough to know if there was any real damage or anyone was hurt. Just enough to say, speculate that I could have been there.

[Chris]

I probably would have been if it was 2006.

[Shane]

If you were ambitious enough to go to law school and then drop out and become an actress, comedian, podcaster.

[Chris]

Wow, you really know my story. Here's the sad thing. I never went to law school.

[Shane]

That was a lie.

[Chris]

No, I went to undergrad, bro. Law schools after that, right? Yeah. Okay. Well, since you brought up my collegiate experience, the second act of God that was also about me is I went to Chico State. And Chico States, the land that the school is built on was donated to the state for the university by a family called the Bidwells. And part of Chico lore is the Bidwell Mansion. And you would. Whenever you, like, go there, you can, like, take a tour of it. It was built during the Civil War time, and it's been there since then. And the, you know, Chico State, even though it's one of the top party schools, is actually A dry campus because of the Bidwells. That was one of the stipulations of the land that they gave over. Long story short, the mansion burnt down.

[Shane]

What?

[Chris]

Yeah, the Bidwell mansion burnt down in Chico.

[Shane]

Did somebody do it or was it a natural?

[Chris]

Again, I didn't look deep enough into it, but I will say it feels like it's about me. Does it not? A fire in Malibu, a tornado in Scotts Valley and Chico. Fucking Bidwell mansion is burnt to the ground. Tell me that's not about me.

[Shane]

I heard. And I also didn't look into it. That Mercury retrograde ended with the full moon. I just thought, that's good. I'm gonna believe it.

[Chris]

Me and my mommy group, I'm like, well, Instagram told me my kid was hungry. If he goes nah. So I only feed him if I hear Nick, but if I don't hear now, you better believe he's gone hungry. I'm trying to teach him sign language. So I'm like, he wants a milk, more milk.

[Shane]

What is the benefit of that?

[Chris]

That he's not relying on a dumbass woman who thinks Instagram can tell him what the.

[Shane]

No. I just have seen like popularity in sign language in babies has risen so much and so I'm just wondering. I'm not doing it so I don't hear.

[Chris]

I have to say something crazy.

[Shane]

Okay. Please.

[Chris]

I think because we're on a schedule that that is down to like the food and the sleep that they need. We don't really have to understand these guys. You know what I mean?

[Shane]

The other thing I don't do that is so popular is the baby led weaning for food. Yeah, like, people just give their baby.

[Chris]

Controversial, actually.

[Shane]

Well, I think the reason I haven't looked into it or why everyone's doing it, but I just am like, my babies don't have enough teeth to chew this. Like, I think it's not a bad thing. But then they just have to swallow a big ass piece of food.

[Chris]

No, they're like gnawing on it. They're like gumming it.

[Shane]

What's stopping them from swallowing it?

[Chris]

I don't know. I think that's why there's controversy, because we just puree.

[Shane]

And then I started thinking, am I doing a dis? We give them like, we puree chunky, so there's some chunks, but it's like, I don't feel comfortable giving my like, babies a whole slice of apple.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Because it's like, what if I love.

[Chris]

That you want apple? And I went rack of Lamb.

[Shane]

I would never go rack of lamb.

[Chris]

Well, these people are going rack of lamb because it's kind of soft and they can gum it until they break it down some and then they can eat it that way.

[Shane]

Right? Yeah. Okay.

[Chris]

Or steak.

[Shane]

I mean, my babies eat a lot of like, they eat salmon. They eat.

[Chris]

Your babies are happy.

[Shane]

They eat all the things.

[Chris]

It doesn't.

[Shane]

I'm just pureeing, which is a nightmare. But fine.

[Chris]

I don't think it matters.

[Shane]

But we're about to be.

[Chris]

But again, that's based on nothing.

[Shane]

The babies are teething so hard right now and they're like popping out left and right that they're be able to chew things in no time.

[Chris]

They're men.

[Shane]

I got walking teething babies. I mean, they've been teething. I guess they. Well, we didn't look into that either.

[Chris]

Someone in the comment section said, like 18 months is a toddler.

[Shane]

I think. Well, I think technically one. I'm asking to ask my doctors today. We have our one year appointment today.

[Chris]

Let me know.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Chris]

I'd love to know.

[Shane]

Okay. Mom rottery.

[Chris]

Mom rottery.

[Shane]

Cool.

[Chris]

You wouldn't get it.

[Shane]

Sounds like Sabrina Carpenter, but Because it's a.

[Chris]

It's comradery, but it's a play on the word camaraderie. It's mom rodery. I've just noticed.

[Shane]

Did you just say I wouldn't get it? After excluding me from your Mommy and Me class, among other things you do as a woman.

[Chris]

First of all, my Mommy and Me class is literally a parent in me class. And I have told you multiple fucking times, including on this podcast almost weekly. You are more than welcome to join the fucking group if you just sign up and come with me. And you say, I can do that.

[Shane]

I have twins. They have enough social interaction. They see Billy, they see Evie. They're surrounded by people.

[Chris]

The eye roll then. Don't be nasty. When I go to Parent Me class.

[Shane]

I just like to feel excluded.

[Chris]

You do love to feel excluded.

[Shane]

It's something about me that I love.

[Chris]

He likes the victim narrative, this boy.

[Shane]

But then when I'm in.

[Chris]

That's why he electively evacuated himself from the virus.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryland]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

The punchline of that is, turns out we were never going to have to evacuate. But last time we were evacuated.

[Chris]

But I really got to be a victim in this one. And then I faced the wrath of the police.

[Shane]

No. If there were. If we didn't have babies, I would not have left house. Yeah, but seeing the fire, like, coming up at us over the mountain I was like, I am not going to try to move two babies in the middle of the night when it's inevitable they're going to come knocking. Yeah, they didn't come knocking. Our street did get closed down and across. Our street was evacuated, like, literally 10ft.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Away from my house was evacuated.

[Chris]

I stand by your choice, but I.

[Shane]

Didn'T have to technically leave.

[Chris]

So back to mom, Roger. Back to mom, Rottery.

[Ryland]

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[Chris]

Been out in the streets with my child multiple occasions. Quite frankly, we go out in the streets every day. That being said, if another mom ever sees me, she always stops and asks me in the most sincere way, how are you doing? And it's not like, how are you? It's like, how are you doing? Are you okay? They're like, how old is he? And I go, three months ago. Oh, how are you doing? And I go, you know what? I'm Doing a lot better than I was yesterday. You know, like. But there's. There's such a sensation. Sincere compassion.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

From another. And honestly, it does. The only reason why you're excluded is because you didn't have the hormones.

[Shane]

Right.

[Chris]

But I do think that, like, after going through birth, no matter what your experience is, and going through postpartum, no matter what your experience is, there's just this understanding of, like, you know, like, we've been in the same war.

[Shane]

Right.

[Chris]

And so it's like, how are you doing? And I really think it is so beautiful and so special. And so I just wanted to encourage other moms out there. If you ever see another mom and you're, like, scared to say something, like, say something, just say something.

[Shane]

And not to play devil's advocate to something so sweet, but is this different than, like, the chickens, the ladies? Yeah, it's definitely, like, latch on to you and you didn't like. Or was that a different time? Was that when you were pregnant still?

[Chris]

Oh, when I was walking. Yes, that was different.

[Shane]

So those are not moms, or they're like moms with older kids. I'm just trying. I'm just trying.

[Chris]

One of them was a mom with an older kid. But this.

[Shane]

It's different.

[Chris]

This hits different.

[Shane]

They, like, latch and walk with you rather than just talk to you or what? I'm just. I'm not. I'm not trying to be an asshole. I just know.

[Chris]

I hear what you're saying.

[Shane]

For other parents, like, should I say something or should I not? Like, when's the appropriate time?

[Chris]

If you're trying to impress your agenda on another person, that's wrong. If you're just genuinely like. Like, knuck. If you buck and, like, you just fist bump real quick, like, that's the. That's the vibe.

[Shane]

Right?

[Chris]

But we took Billy to a couple bars this week, and there was another baby at the bar that we went to one of the nights in the market.

[Shane]

To a bar with Billy. Twice.

[Chris]

I told you, I sent you pictures.

[Shane]

I don't think you did, Granville. Oh, a restaurant.

[Chris]

We sat at the bar.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Chris]

I got a mocktail. It was a long bar.

[Shane]

I was thinking, like, you were in a bar.

[Chris]

We also went to another bar, but it was also a restaurant bar. Anyway. Anyway, another mom came up to me, and she was just chatting, and it's just, like. It's just kind of nice, you know, like, just to be out in public and just have someone be like, how is it? It's like, you know, it's. It's we're okay. It's like, yeah, we're okay now too. And it's like, wow, how old of.

[Shane]

A baby did she have?

[Chris]

Her daughter was 11 months old.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Chris]

It was also her first kid. But it's just like, there's something sweet about it. Like, I don't know how to explain it another way. It's just there's something sweet about it. And I will also say I went to my first. First, like, live performance that wasn't a concert, that was like a play by myself. Last week, my friend Lori put on this fantastic one woman show called do you accept these charges? And it's about her real life relationship with a man in state prison.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Chris]

And it's so funny and it's so poignant. It's also about love addiction. And it was so good. And she had some bits in it that were about motherhood. And for the first time in my life, it's like I saw the world differently because I am a mom.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And it was so profound and so beautiful that I'm like, dang. This must be what Emma Stone meant when she said, now the world's in color, baby girl.

[Shane]

I do think, like, even when I'm consuming content now, like, people that are parents are. It's just there's like. Although I, like, didn't give birth, like, being a parent and being in the throes of having children, it just is different. And it adds this. This dynamic element to your life that is like chaos and crazy and beautiful and wonderful that you're just like. You connect. You're like, oh, you do see a person different.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Because you're both like, you've been to war.

[Chris]

Yeah. No, it's like, are your wounds healing.

[Shane]

And so you can appreciate, like, other people's, like, milestones, successes, like, stresses, just all of it.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's just.

[Chris]

You're in a club.

[Shane]

Yeah. You're in a club.

[Chris]

Up and. But. And as. Even like. And I will extend this to all parents, the world is just a little bit different. It just looks different in a really nice way for me. In a really nice way. I can't speak for everyone. I think some people probably don't see it in a nice way, but I have to say, like, it's so beautiful. Like, Billy was up every hour last night, and when I took him, to change him finally, because we're doing. You're gonna hate me for this. I don't care. Come for me, bro. It's my life. Living it the way I want to. He's my kid. He's happy, he's fine, he's healthy. We're doing a. A light fuss it out light.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

Because we still sleep in the same room, so we can't like, shut the door and leave. But we're letting him fuss for 10 minutes before we go over to him and lightly and politely be like, hey, man.

[Shane]

Right?

[Chris]

Everything's cool. But when I finally picked him up last night, he was just sort of like, hey, dude, what's going on? Like, are we gonna have some milk now? We're gonna have some more milk. And I was like, yeah, dude, more milk right now. And I wound up just like, holding his hand because he's just smiling up at me on his little changing table. So I just hold his little hand, I smile back at him, and I put my little forehead on his forehead. And he's like, this is great, right? I'm like, yeah, it's pretty good. Can you please go to bed? I have to work tomorrow. But I just. Yeah, I love. I. I just wanted to express that I love it. He's so cute. I took him in, Bubs for a walk this morning. I had to show you. Bubs has his winter coat on. He looks so cute. Did you see the winter coat of Bubs?

[Shane]

No, I only saw Billy's hat.

[Chris]

Oh, Bubs was in the background. We'll put a picture up.

[Shane]

Okay? Okay.

[Chris]

Bubs got a winter coat. So did Icky. But I only took Bubs on the walk cuz Icky pulls a little too hard. He's a little too excited. He's a little too spirited.

[Shane]

Yeah, I can't. I have to do two separate outings. Yeah, I can't do three dogs and two babies.

[Chris]

But I've been able to wear Billy and walk Bubs at the same time. And Bubs has like a little strut to himself where it's like, this morning, Bubs was feeling himself so gnarly that I was like, go, Bubbies. Go, Bubbies. Go, go, go, Bubbies. And he's like, prancing and prancing. It was the best. Just like, he's so happy. And it feels like we definitely did him a good service by removing some of those teeth and treating everything that was going on in his mouth. So I feel good about that. And then Icky, Joe. Joe was like, we were having the best weekend ever. Joe's like, this is great. You know, we woke up, the whole family went to get breakfast burritos. Everybody's having a good time. Joe went to a Christmas party. The night before, everything was great. Merry and bright, some would say. Icky comes in, he's paws bleeding because he got a gnarly hangnail. I sent you. That picture was awful.

[Shane]

It was awful. It, like, made me feel sick.

[Chris]

It made me feel feel sick. His nail broke so far up that it was, like, into the pink. There was blood. It was a thing. And I'm breastfeeding Billy, and I just see Icky's pot. I'm like, he's bleeding. Call the cops. Let's go. We need an ambulance. We gotta go right now. Let's go. So Joe takes him to the vet. Our vet's full, which is awful, because, you know, I love my vet, but my vet is so chill. She's like, go to this other place. We got a girl on the inside. She's waiting for you. You can skip the line. So they got to skip the line. It was actually a woman who's known Icky since he was a puppy.

[Shane]

Oh, wow.

[Chris]

In the transit process, I guess the whole nail fell off. And the good news is because they have nerves in their nails and they have veins in their nails. So if you hit a vein, it's like a. Didn't hit a vein.

[Shane]

Even when I clipped my nose too short, it's painful for a week, and I can't imagine if there was a nerve in there.

[Chris]

So Icky had no indication of pain. The vet literally just looked at it, washed it off, said, I'm not even going to charge you. It's a clean cut.

[Shane]

But, oh, yeah. So just your time, Joe's time.

[Chris]

Yeah, I was. I was crying at home. I was like, I'm a bad mom. I can't even hold him at the vet right now, and he needs to be held. But what I loved is the woman who knows him from our vet clinic who moved to the other vet. She's like, oh, I know Icky. I'll just pick him up. He's not great in a crate. I'll keep him on my lap. Don't worry about it. And I was like, God damn, this is a good life. Everywhere I go, people are like, I can tell your dog's problematic, so I'm going to treat him like a king. Thank you. Thank you for getting in.

[Shane]

No more people enabling this behavior.

[Chris]

The other thing, my friend Kate's like, you're doing so good with, like, the sleep training with Billy. And I was like, thank you. Because I can't even get Icky to not and piss in the house. I just bought things he could and Piss on.

[Shane]

In some ways, the. Yes. In some ways, the baby sleep training, it's hard. In a different way, the. The dogs are immediately running and moving, and it's like, diff. It's just different. Yeah, puppies are hard, too.

[Chris]

I love them.

[Shane]

They're great.

[Chris]

I might get another one who knows?

[Shane]

You're sick. You're sick in the head, girl.

[Chris]

You have three.

[Shane]

I know, and I'm done. I actually. Louie brings the most problems to my house. If the litter box isn't to his preference, he'll shit or pee on furniture and he scratches everything. If I don't have cat scratch boxes all around the house, he'll scratch all the furniture to death. And. Oh, God, I just sometimes have to, like, breathe in and out. And Shane's like, this isn't our house anymore. We have two babies and five animals. And I'm like, okay, in 18 years, I'm gonna have a beautiful house.

[Chris]

Your house is beautiful.

[Shane]

I know, but it's like, there's dog hair. I can vacuum twice a day, and there's still dog fur everywhere. Yeah, it's like. It just is endless. But all the joy that all of these things bring me is worth it. What's a clean house gonna really get me in the long run? Or like a picture perfect house?

[Chris]

Nothing.

[Shane]

Nothing.

[Chris]

Nothing.

[Shane]

Nothing, period. If we're talking about annoying things, are.

[Chris]

We going to talk about Abercrombie?

[Shane]

Yes. I fucking love Abercrombie. They have the softest.

[Chris]

I think it could be past tense.

[Shane]

They have them. Well, I still. Like, I got a pair of their sweatpants. Perfect. The most buttery, soft, beautiful, delicious sweat sets a person could dream of. Like, they are 100% incredible. If you haven't got a gift for somebody and you're still looking for, like, your boyfriend or your girlfriend. The best. Like, you couldn't make a sweatsuit more comfortable. I could live in them 24 7.

[Chris]

They're not paying you, so just move on.

[Shane]

And they're also the only thing in the fucking store that isn't cropped. Everything is cropped in the men's section is cropped. And even on the collar it says cropped.

[Chris]

Are you sure this shirt's men's?

[Shane]

Yes, and it says corrupt. And I blame fucking Generation Z. And I go up to the front and I said, well, do you carry any of the men's things? Things not in cropped? And they're like, no. And I was like, well, it looks awful.

[Chris]

It does. It's very cropped.

[Shane]

It's very cropped. And I still bought it because I was like, well, I could wear it on the podcast. Like, when I'm sitting. You're not really going to be able to tell, but it's like, I move. Maybe I have a big torso because Shane got one of the crop shirts, and it looks so good on him. It, like, fits him perfectly. And I'm like, wow, you look great. But I wear the crop things, and I look like Ellen gone wrong.

[Chris]

Maybe you should just get a bigger size.

[Shane]

Maybe. I don't know.

[Chris]

I think you might need a bigger size.

[Shane]

They're just all cropped. The T shirts, the sweatshirts, the sweaters, the hoodies. The shirt is not the hoodies.

[Chris]

I will say this. The other shirt's not as offensive. This one.

[Shane]

The other one. No. Have I shown you the ones on Thanksgiving? I wore a crop top to Thanksgiving, and then I became the joke of the family for wearing, like, a women's crop top. Because I'm like, every time I saw.

[Chris]

The pictures, I saw your everything.

[Shane]

Generation Z and Abercrombie. What the fuck are you guys doing? I really like the clothing you're putting out into the world. Can we make it an inch and a half longer, please?

[Chris]

Just get a bigger size. Did you try a bigger size on than this in this shirt?

[Shane]

No.

[Chris]

You might be the problem.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Chris]

It might just be too small for you, babe.

[Shane]

Okay. Do you want to talk about any of these Hot Topics?

[Chris]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say hemorrhoids.

[Shane]

Well, yeah, I did get a hemorrhoid this week, but, like, haven't we talked about enough gross things? It's, like, on top of evacuating my house, having babies that didn't sleep, I had to get a hemorrhoid. I wasn't even, like, normally I get a hemorrhoid if I'm, like, lifting heavy weights or doing something crazy. I was doing nothing crazy. I was, like, hanging out with my family all week. It was a beautiful, gorgeous week. There was. It was nice because we were in a neighborhood where we were staying, and there was a playground inside of the neighborhood with baby swings. For some reason, in Calabasas, where I live, none of the parks in the surrounding 10 miles have the baby swings. They have swings, but no baby swings. And in this neighborhood, there were baby swings. And my boys loved it. Like, laughing at the top of their lungs, just loving the swings. There was, like, also a glass door to the outside at this one, and my dogs were outside. And so, like, Max came up to the window. Riley starts licking, trying to Lick Max from the window. Max is trying to. And then they're licking each other like, you guys shouldn't be drinking the glass. So cute. I'm gonna let them lick. So they're licking the glass at each other, just looking and laughing at each other. And I was like, oh, wow, this is really cute.

[Chris]

That's really cute. Billy intentionally pet Bubs for the first time.

[Shane]

That is really cute.

[Chris]

Like, put his little hand out and was like, oh, that's my brother looking at him too.

[Shane]

Like, are you taking Billy to Santa? Oh, you're a joyless. Sorry.

[Chris]

Wow.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Chris]

Listen to my podcast. Check it out. It's called. Oh, yeah, dad, is it out? I'll probably drop it right now.

[Shane]

Oh, okay. Where?

[Chris]

On my YouTube or is it on YouTube? I just am tired. Oh, on YouTube. It's on my channel. I'm not creating a new channel. We're just workshopping it right now.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Chris]

We just went on Google Meet and did a trial, right?

[Shane]

And you guys talk about if you're. Oh, I can't listen to this podcast. I'm gonna get so enraged.

[Chris]

No, listen to it.

[Shane]

Are you guys talking about Santa Claus?

[Chris]

Well, there's a trigger warning at the top. You can't listen to it. I'm like, you know, if you're a mom and you're listening with a kid and you don't want to talk about Santa.

[Shane]

Okay, I am taking my boys to see Santa. I don't care if they're crying. They're having a great time. We're gonna get the picture.

[Chris]

Great.

[Shane]

Their first. Well, it's their second Christmas, but it feels like their first.

[Chris]

They were larvae.

[Shane]

They were like.

[Chris]

What was that? You're scaring me.

[Shane]

What was like a cricket or something?

[Chris]

Okay, okay, okay. Not a. Not a snake, right?

[Shane]

Any of the hot Topics.

[Chris]

Yeah. Scroll up.

[Shane]

Shawn Mendes thought talking about Sabrina and Camila thought talking. That just ends.

[Chris]

John Mayer has a podcast.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

That's why it ended.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Chris]

Because I couldn't remember John Mayer's name.

[Shane]

This is actually.

[Chris]

The Shawn men does not talk about Sabrina. This is. All right, but talking about Sabrina and Camila. Camila on what's his Name who's a Dude Douchebags podcast Dated Taylor Swift.

[Shane]

That should have been in parentheses.

[Chris]

I know.

[Shane]

So that I would have read it separately.

[Chris]

Bear with me. I'm really tired. There's no punctuation on it. It's all one sentence. Was a good idea. Question mark. The blind leading the blind over here, period.

[Shane]

I did see that he would left, like One of poor Sean. He's just like, so.

[Chris]

I honestly think he's just a idiot. I just think he's dumb. I think he's beautiful, and I think he's dumb. I know the guy well. We've hiked the same trailer now multiple times.

[Shane]

Multiple times with him. Multiple times.

[Chris]

We're basically friends. He's a beautiful. And that's okay.

[Shane]

I think he's, like, a beautiful, sensitive boy, and I just feel bad that he feels so bad. I feel like we need to get back to.

[Chris]

Just like, he should feel bad. I think he should feel bad. Well, he literally is on all these.

[Shane]

All these girls are falling for somebody they shouldn't be falling for because he's beautiful. Well, they're falling for him because he's beautiful. But I don't know if he's interested in them.

[Chris]

I think he's a gay dummy. Being gay has nothing to do with being a dummy. I think.

[Shane]

I know you're just not supposed to like out people, but, like, you've been.

[Chris]

Outing him for years.

[Shane]

I don't just straight up say it like that, though.

[Chris]

I'm pretty much. Two weeks ago, you said he was gay.

[Shane]

I don't know if I use, like, SM gay. Like, his name.

[Chris]

I think he might have. Oh, I could be wrong, though. I've been noticed.

[Shane]

I saw, like, an Instagram reel where he's like, isn't everyone finding out? There's. I think he's, like, trying to do, like, the soft launch where I'm like, you should just go, fool JoJo Siwa. Because it works.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You know?

[Chris]

Well, she was a little. That was a soft launch. I'd say, oh, no. Best gay cousin ever. You're right. That's pretty hard.

[Shane]

Anyway, and then she just kept leaning.

[Chris]

It, which the audience might not know what we're talking about. Shawn Mendez is rumored to have been the one that most of the short and sweet songs are about because he strung Sabrina along and then kept getting back together with Camila Cabello.

[Shane]

And which it does seem like they were each other's first love. So it's like it is something hard to get over or whatever. But I did see the clip on Instagram real.

[Chris]

Well, he goes on the John Mayer podcast and he's like, so I was involved with a girl, and then I told her, I'm gonna go see my ex because I have some unresolved feelings. And then two days later, I was back with my ex, and he's like.

[Shane]

I think a lot of people do that, but maybe I should have waited two weeks instead of two hours or whatever.

[Chris]

Yeah, you probably should have. Yeah, you probably should have. Out of respect. You probably fucking should have. Number two, John Marigos. Her feelings would have been hurt either way, man. Break those hearts.

[Shane]

Hearts.

[Chris]

Like, he doesn't say break those hearts, but he goes either way. Her feelings like John Mayer's like, yeah, that was fine.

[Shane]

Well, Sabrina got like a hit.

[Chris]

Shut the up. The hole you're in is deep.

[Shane]

I don't feel too bad for Sabrina because she got a really big hit album out of it and she's on top of the world right now, like, looking down on everyone.

[Chris]

So she was on top of the world and then her and Barry broke up.

[Shane]

Well, I think she's still on top of the world. I think. How close could. I mean? Mean, that's wrong of me to say, but I feel like she was touring and doesn't he live in the uk? I'm like, how close could have. I mean, I know they could have been talking a lot and stuff, but.

[Chris]

Like, the allegations are that Barry cheated on her here in Los Angeles while he was here for her tour.

[Shane]

Yes. He, like, somebody allegedly said he was at a club while she was on performing one of the Santa Monica bungalows and he was hooking up.

[Chris]

Popular, but only so far. Like, two blonde TikTokers who, like, it's not about have come forward. I mean, like, it's not me. Like, why do you think it's me? Like, if it was me, I wouldn't talk about it, but because it's not me. Let's talk girl.

[Shane]

Professionally speaking, Sabrina's still on top of the world. She had her Netflix special come out.

[Chris]

She's.

[Shane]

Yes, she's still, like, she's still the girl. She's still doing all the things, getting all the brand deals. Every day I open Instagram and there's a new collab with a high end beauty line like that she's the face of. Yeah. Like, she's never been richer, never been more famous. I'm not saying that equates to happiness, but from like an outside perspective, she's getting cheated on.

[Chris]

Still sucks.

[Shane]

Right? Right. I'm dehumanizing her a little.

[Chris]

A little bit.

[Shane]

I'm like seeing the pop star and not the person.

[Chris]

Yeah. Oh, snap. Time.

[Shane]

Those fabulous bangs got me distracted.

[Chris]

Okay, me too.

[Shane]

They're so good.

[Chris]

Every time she pops up, I'm like, let's look at those bangs again.

[Shane]

Did you watch the Netflix special?

[Chris]

No, not yet.

[Shane]

I've been so busy and I haven't got to consume anything and there's so much to watch. There's a new season of the ult made him.

[Chris]

I started.

[Shane]

I've started too. I'm only like three episodes in.

[Chris]

I'm like loosely watching it. Like I will loosely watch Love is Blind. So I don't know anybody's names, but I can tell you some of them are crazy.

[Shane]

Crazy. Well, anyone to go sign up for that show is crazy.

[Chris]

Dude, if you don't know what the show the ultimatum is. Nick Lachey and his woman.

[Shane]

She's also Vanessa Lachey.

[Chris]

Vanessa Lachey have started a multitude of super toxic dating shows on Netflix that are borderline unhealthy.

[Shane]

I mean, not borderline, no.

[Chris]

Someone literally threatened to kill himself if they used his footage in Love is Blind, so they removed him from the entire season. Did you know that?

[Shane]

No, but I could understand why. I mean, but you also, you're pretty. You're pretty, like un unhinged. Unhinged. To sign up for one of these shows, especially the ultimatum. The premise is you've been in a. You're in a long term relationship. One person wants to be married and one person isn't ready to be married. So somebody offers an ultimatum and says if at the end of like we're.

[Chris]

Breaking up, we're wife swapping with a bunch of strangers on television, I'm going to sleep with somebody else for five weeks. You and I are going to get back together after we're all sleeping with other people.

[Shane]

We're going to decide who we want to be with at the end and it's either you have to propose to your ex girlfriend that you didn't or your ex who you didn't want to be married to before, or you go off with the new person or you have no relationship.

[Chris]

It's the thing that's shocking to me is that is the swapping of it all. That that would result in a legitimate relationship that would stand. That's like, that's stupid.

[Shane]

It's crazy. There's a new season, a holiday edition of Is it cake? The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is on. Everyone's doing vlogmas. There's so much to watch. So while you're missing us for two weeks, I hope you find joy there. Yeah.

[Chris]

I put the ultimatum on and I just scream at Joe the whole time. Can you believe this?

[Shane]

Sometimes I get mad at Shane for like things he hasn't done.

[Chris]

I'm always mad at Joe. I'm like, joe, Joe. He's her Joe. He's like Shut up.

[Shane]

Or, like, one of the new couples will do something nice and, like, would. You haven't done something nice like that for me.

[Chris]

Crazy. He did marry you and give you two children.

[Shane]

He's so good to me.

[Chris]

Yeah, no, it's nuts.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Chris]

Oh, speaking of cheating, Machine Gun Kelly, after I didn't look it, after I was like, he. What a redemption arc for him. I was like, I forgive you for being awful. Like, I see a light in your eyes, guys, you're cheating on your pregnant girl.

[Shane]

Has this been confirmed? So the only way that I saw this story was because I saw the paparazzi with, like, a pretty crazy headline of Brian Austin Green outside.

[Chris]

Austin Green is Megan's ex husband, who she has three children.

[Shane]

And the reason I clicked, because he was at my Calabasas Bristol farm.

[Chris]

It was about Rylan.

[Shane]

I was like, what's Brian Austin Green doing at my grocery store? So I click on it and yeah, they're just like, talking about. He's like, did you know Megan Kelly? Megan Kelly, Megan. What's her name?

[Chris]

Megan? I don't know. Fox.

[Shane]

Do you know Megan Fox has been cheated on by Machine Gun Kelly? Oh, that's why I got the Kelly. Yeah. Machine Gun. Oh, my gosh. This is getting so confusing. Whatever. I guess he's. She's pregnant and he's cheating on her.

[Chris]

Allegedly.

[Shane]

Oh, has she not said it? I thought she made it seem like.

[Chris]

That it was alleged.

[Shane]

I thought TMZ made it sound like to Brian Austin Green that she had come forth with this information. God, we would never know that here. I only looked at Brian.

[Chris]

I got a feeling he did something nasty, though.

[Shane]

I only got a good look at bag and was like, he's like a good looking, manly man.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And he already has. You already have children with him. You should have stayed with him.

[Chris]

But when I looked further into Brian.

[Shane]

Austin Green, is he no good?

[Chris]

I don't know. The dude's got a lot of baby mamas.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Chris]

And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with having a lot of baby mamas, but it's like. Like, you got a lot of baby moms. A lot.

[Shane]

Well, your hair looks good today, which is shocking.

[Chris]

I was didn't get to brush it, and when I went to run my hands through it this morning, I was like, oh, my God. How are there knots at the root?

[Shane]

Did you tell my sister to not brush her hair?

[Chris]

I did, but I never go to bed with wet, not brushed hair.

[Shane]

I guess Lizzie's out here giving hair tips saying, you should never brush your hair because you lose it if you brush it.

[Chris]

Well, it pulls it out. So if you're trying to work on the thickness of it. I don't brush my hair.

[Shane]

So tell them what you do. Everyone's waiting.

[Chris]

My hair back and forth on my arms.

[Shane]

Okay. Put oil in it and then just finger brush.

[Chris]

No, I told you. I just whip my hair like this on my arms, back and forth, and then I do an up and down version and then I put oil on it.

[Shane]

Okay. Well, this is fun.

[Chris]

I also did just say I had knots at the root. I had knots at the root because I went to sleep with wet hair and then was doing the, like, fuss it out light with pillows over my head. So I had pillows rubbing against my damp hair all night.

[Shane]

Can you believe I would recover from body issues and get a hemorrhoid?

[Chris]

No, that's crazy. And can you believe I'm about to tell you guys about.

[Shane]

Wait, what?

[Chris]

54 minutes in? We don't need more content. But I'm gonna tell you about a crazy dream I had while napping the other day.

[Shane]

Should you do this in the way?

[Chris]

No, we're gonna forget o.

[Shane]

Go for it, mama.

[Chris]

So in my dream.

[Shane]

Let's make it a long one.

[Chris]

I'm not going to name names because it was a real person I know, and I don't want her to be offended by the fact that I had this weird fucking dream about her. But a real person I know was in my dream.

[Shane]

Sarah.

[Chris]

No, it wasn't Sarah, but we were at a function, like a. No, it wasn't Sarah, but we were at a networking function, and this woman had gas and was quietly farting in my dream. And we're at the function of another woman I really know in real life. I'll name her. It's Hannah. Hannah, this is about you. So Hannah was having a function. I'm there with this other woman who has really bad gas. We're all sitting on a couch. We're all not working. We're all trying to better ourselves professionally. And I can feel because the way the woman is sitting next to me, her back is against my back. I feel her fart, and I feel it's like the most gnarly fart this woman has ever had. In my dream, like, I. Like I'm feeling the bubble on my butt, and it's a bubbler. It's not just a bubble. It's bubbles. It's like. Like, almost like a baby. I'm. I'm. I actually wouldn't be Surprised if my baby was in the room while I was dreaming. And that's why I had this dream about her. Anyway, the woman in my dream has diarrhea while she's farting in her pants against my back. And it seeps out of her pants like a adult blowout and gets diarrhea on my back. And I in my dream, decided I'm gonna be the bigger person. This woman is having a hard time right now. I'm not gonna tell anyone. She just on my back. I'm gonna hide it for her. I'm gonna help this woman out. I'm not even gonna tell her about it. Girls girl hardcore in my dream. And I let her on my back. And I was gonna say nothing to her so she wouldn't even be embarrassed or know that I knew. She gets up and immediately points at me and says, lizzy on this couch. The rest of my dream was me violently defending myself, saying I was gonna never tell anyone. You on me.

[Shane]

Drop who it was. Tell us who it was.

[Chris]

I can't.

[Shane]

Shannon.

[Chris]

No, you don't know her.

[Shane]

Sure.

[Lizzie]

You don't know her.

[Chris]

But it was like my nightmare was then convincing everyone in a way. Like, no, I was being a good person. I didn't shit. She shit. Make it make sense. There's shit on me. There's shit in her. There's no in my panties. There's in her panties. Doesn't that mean something that I didn't on her? Think about it. And everyone's just like, you're being really crazy. And I was like, I'm not crazy. I'm a girl's girl. So that was my dream.

[Shane]

Okay, well, I think we've run out of holiday things to try, so I don't even know what to do with you guys, honestly. I'm gonna have to go ask my husband. My nails are looking really trimmed and really right.

[Chris]

Me too. If I just. Mine are looking right. If I just clawed my way out of a grave.

[Shane]

I'm gonna ask my husband if we have a thumbnail that doesn't have to involve food.

[Chris]

For real.

[Shane]

We won't. Oh, but if we never see you again this year, we love you very much.

[Chris]

Well, we won't.

[Shane]

Oh, okay. We'll see you in a second.

[Chris]

We'll see you on vlogmas.

[Shane]

Well, no, we're gonna see them in a second.

[Chris]

Oh, we are doing something more.

[Shane]

We have to.

[Chris]

Oh, okay. I love it.

[Ryland]

Today's podcast is sponsored by Audible, whose best of 2024 picks are. Here. You can discover the year's books, podcasts and originals in all your favorite genres, from memoirs and sci fi to mysteries and thrillers, from romance and well being to fiction. Audible's carefully curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best of the year in audio entertainment, like an almost unbelievably star studded production of George Orwell's 1984, which both honors and reinvigorates the terrifying classic. They also have romance that hits the spot, like Emily Henry's Funny Story and the year's best fiction, like the Women by Kristin Hannah.

[Shane]

I love that with Audible you can.

[Ryland]

Learn something or let your imagination soar.

[Shane]

While doing something else.

[Ryland]

I personally put on Audible when I'm walking the dogs, folding my laundry, doing the dishes, and I love that I can learn something while doing something that I already have to do inside of my day. Audible has thousands of titles, so you'll never not have something to choose from. With Audible, there's more to imagine and when you listen, go to audible.com the sip to discover all the year's best waiting for you. That's audible.com thesip Today's podcast is sponsored by Zocdoc, and Adulting has its high.

[Shane]

Points, like you can eat ice cream.

[Ryland]

For dinner every night if you wanted to, but unfortunately you also have to pay your taxes and make doctor appointments. But for that one, there's zocdoc, the healthcare app that makes adulting that much easier. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors. Choose the right one for your needs and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about in network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers, and that's across every specialty from mental health to dental health, eye care to skin care, and so much more. You can search for doctors who are located nearby, who are a good fit for any medical need you may have, and who are highly rated by verified patients. I love that Zocdoc appointments happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking, and you can even score same day appointments. I've used Zocdoc on multiple occasions, especially for things that aren't under my insurance umbrella, like going to an eye doctor or a physical therapist. I even found an acupuncturist on zocdoc. So stop putting off those doctor appointments.

[Shane]

And go to Zocdoc.com the SIP to.

[Ryland]

Find and instantly book a top rated doctor today.

[Shane]

That's Zocdoc.com the SIP Zocdoc.com the Sip rolling two, take one.

[Lizzie]

Common mark.

[Shane]

Damn this food. Okay, well, first of all, this was.

[Chris]

A fucking day and a half of a trip.

[Shane]

What would I ever.

[Chris]

This is what experts would call a pilgrimage.

[Shane]

Would. I think Costco would be any different though, you know what I mean?

[Chris]

Well, the problem wasn't Costco. The problem was finding a place to sit.

[Shane]

Actually, that's true. The audio at Costco, it was just so packed. And then we went to the mall across the street to sit at one of their outdoor dining areas. And that was unsuccessful.

[Chris]

Correct.

[Lizzie]

They're not very podcast friendly.

[Shane]

No, there's lots of music playing, lots of things going on. So then I got in the car and of course the parking lot's way too busy and Chris is like, just go to the park. Top of the parking structure. And I was like, I'd rather die than go to the top of a parking structure.

[Chris]

I cannot, honestly, I'd rather die than go to the top of parking structure.

[Shane]

A parking structure is my biggest hit with him. Oh, you're fine in a parking structure.

[Chris]

Without you.

[Shane]

How can you guys sit and wait behind people? Like, I'm going to wait.

[Chris]

It's also Christmas and we were at a mall.

[Ryland]

I don't wait.

[Lizzie]

That's why I like going to the top, cuz there's no waiting.

[Shane]

No, but you have to wait to get to the top cuz people are waiting for spots.

[Lizzie]

Two lanes, just go all the way.

[Chris]

And you know what? We don't wait.

[Shane]

That's never been my experience of a parking lot structure.

[Chris]

We're not waiters.

[Shane]

I really don't know that you can see us here.

[Chris]

I could kill you.

[Shane]

I'm pitch black.

[Chris]

All right, so we went to Costco and we were trying everything on the Costco menu. Chris would like to address the allegations of last week where we said that he ate chick fil a. Turns out he did not. So please stop commenting about him eating the chick fil A because he has jobs. He has to do that he can't fucking focus on because he's replying to all of you.

[Shane]

I will say, Chris, he's tired. He's made it his full time job replying to every comment.

[Chris]

Every time you see the comments within five minutes, Chris is like, I didn't do it. I can't sleep at night with you thinking I got chick fil A. I gay. That's my Chris.

[Lizzie]

I just don't like that the comment section is gaslighting me. I didn't do it.

[Chris]

Well, you can't be gaslit if you don't. If you decide to not eat it.

[Shane]

All the people I saw were pretty polite just being like, I think I remember you eating it.

[Lizzie]

No, there were people like you 100% did it. You're wrong.

[Shane]

Okay, well you can speak your piece.

[Lizzie]

No, that was it. I just didn't. I saw the videos and I definitely didn't. That's it.

[Shane]

No, I don't think, I don't think Chrissy has eaten it either, to be honest. What? I also looked what to see if.

[Chris]

And I found evidence that Chris ate it. I have pictures.

[Shane]

What?

[Chris]

Put em up.

[Shane]

Put em up. No you don't, do you?

[Chris]

No, I don't. I'm just fucking crazy.

[Shane]

Can we eat this hot dog first?

[Chris]

Yeah, girl. Who wants onions?

[Shane]

I don't. I want the hot dog so bad.

[Chris]

The hot dog. Take it, take it.

[Shane]

So good. I don't think they can see us.

[Chris]

They can see us. Here's your hot dog.

[Shane]

What do you think, Chris?

[Chris]

Chris?

[Shane]

I think it's okay.

[Chris]

I think it's brilliant.

[Shane]

Fine.

[Chris]

Do you want some onions?

[Shane]

No, I hate raw onions.

[Chris]

Do you want some onions, Chris?

[Lizzie]

Yeah, I'll take the raw.

[Shane]

I'm gonna get just this dog first. No, I don't think you had eaten it either. I was just cracking up because then I became invested in looking at our comments because Chris was so invested. I was like, Chris has made you're like your own PR person.

[Lizzie]

I also have really bad, like a genuinely really bad memory and low self esteem. So if someone tells me something enough, I just believe it and start doubting my own memory. So I'm like, wait, am I wrong? Did I have like. I like actually was like, maybe I'm wrong. And so I watched all of them, like I don't see it. And then someone's like, no, you did. I found a link. And I'm like, oh my God, I was wrong. And I watched it, I didn't eat it. And the link that they put. And I'm like, am I?

[Chris]

I will say this though. I watched the entire thing. The only reason you didn't eat it was because you were having medical tests. It was not on a political foundation.

[Lizzie]

I think, I think it was a big of both. I think that was the main thing.

[Chris]

I'm just trying to traumatize you for real. I don't give a fuck.

[Lizzie]

But yes. I don't know.

[Chris]

Have you tried this hot dog?

[Lizzie]

Oh no, sorry.

[Chris]

It fucks so hard.

[Shane]

It's so good. I just won't next time we go to Chick Fil A, it will be a day that you're sick or unable to come to the podcast.

[Lizzie]

I'm sorry.

[Shane]

I also don't have.

[Lizzie]

Like, I've said this before. I don't have a problem with you guys or anyone else. I just don't want to.

[Shane]

That's fine. My only point is, if you looked into the top CEOs of all the major corporations, we'd be boycotting literally everything and everyone. Like, probably most CEOs at the top of most companies are corrupt, bad people.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, for sure.

[Shane]

And I'm sure that's why we have.

[Chris]

To kill them all.

[Shane]

And I'm sure have donated to similar causes. I really don't think you can see me.

[Chris]

I'm positive I can see you.

[Shane]

You don't think it's dark, girl, I'm looking at you. You can. You can never see anything. I'm like, can you see that? Glasses on.

[Chris]

I have my glasses on. I can read that song.

[Lizzie]

Boy, does Costco making good hot dogs, huh?

[Shane]

It really is good.

[Chris]

Let's talk about. Here you go, Chris. You want some pizza?

[Shane]

Did we even say what we're doing? We're trying the entire Costco.

[Chris]

I said what we were doing.

[Shane]

You did?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I'm pretty sure their pizza looks delicious.

[Chris]

I believe it fucks incredibly hard.

[Shane]

Actually. This hot dog is incredible.

[Chris]

No, the hot dog, like, fuck me up, daddy. Give me colon cancer. I'm here for it.

[Shane]

It might be better than, like, a. A.

[Lizzie]

A Dodger dog.

[Shane]

Yes, I was. Dodger dogs are trash. We had so much fun blacking out.

[Chris]

Yeah, but we never enjoyed it. It was subpar. We were just on. We were living on vibes.

[Shane]

The vibes are so good that anything's good.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Lizzie]

And a Costco hot dog's like a buck in this economy.

[Chris]

A buck fifty with a soda, bro.

[Shane]

All of this food was under $40, bro.

[Chris]

And we could feed a village here.

[Lizzie]

You go anywhere else near here, $40 is one meal.

[Shane]

This is so greasy, though.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah. That's why it's good. I'm so hungry.

[Shane]

This is good. It's just dripping so much grease. I, like, have to take a paper towel to it if I'm going to consume it.

[Chris]

So you don't like joy? Oh, man. In my white shirt, in my white teeth.

[Lizzie]

Costco's pizza is so.

[Shane]

It's incredible. Yeah, it's incredible. Incredible. Thank you.

[Chris]

Wow.

[Shane]

No, this. This hard chicken bake the whole half?

[Chris]

Yeah, girl.

[Lizzie]

Thank you.

[Shane]

Why did they have to snap so hard? On their food.

[Lizzie]

This is one of my favorite things ever to have existed.

[Chris]

The chicken bay.

[Lizzie]

I love it so much.

[Shane]

I did. Hold on. I did try it in a vlog once, and the one I got was, like, so salty. It was unendroid enjoyable.

[Chris]

Well, let's see if we can see if it differs today.

[Shane]

Just rip her in half, mama.

[Chris]

Oh, you didn't want to just take a bite and then we eat.

[Lizzie]

Me, I have had worse and better.

[Shane]

Days with the chicken bake, so it's not the best.

[Chris]

Is it better than your last?

[Shane]

It's definitely better than my last. There's still, like, too much. There's unnecessary salt, and I'm not even a salt complainer.

[Chris]

The bread has, like, a pretzel y thing about it or like a bagel y thing about it.

[Shane]

It is good. Let me take another bite.

[Chris]

I don't think it's too salty.

[Shane]

Not the bread. The chicken mixture on the inside.

[Chris]

I don't know that I concur.

[Shane]

This. This one's much better than the one I had previously. It had a bad day the last time I did this. This one's good. This one is good with the cheesy bread on top. Okay. It's good.

[Lizzie]

Everything I love. It's cheesy. It's chickeny.

[Chris]

It's politically correct.

[Shane]

Is it? Is Costco politically correct? I don't know.

[Chris]

I hope so.

[Lizzie]

I don't know.

[Shane]

I won't say for the sake of.

[Chris]

Lizzie in four years who has to go back and watch this podcast to prove that she was wrong.

[Shane]

This club sandwich, or whatever it is, is hearty. It's thick. It looks delicious.

[Lizzie]

Oh, my God.

[Chris]

I think there's American cheese in it, though, which is a hard no for me.

[Shane]

Is there bacon bits?

[Chris]

Yeah, girl.

[Shane]

You don't just like. And it's two thick pieces of cheese.

[Chris]

I can do cheddar in a sandwich. I do not like American cheese in a sandwich.

[Shane]

Oh, there's mayo.

[Chris]

Excuse me. Do you want me to get you.

[Shane]

There is mayo.

[Chris]

Do you not do that?

[Shane]

I like mayo on a sandwich. Wow.

[Lizzie]

I don't think I've had this one yet.

[Chris]

Is it American cheese in the middle? Would you know?

[Shane]

No, I would not know.

[Chris]

Is it American cheese, Chris? Would you know?

[Lizzie]

I don't know. Let me see.

[Shane]

This is shockingly good.

[Chris]

For real.

[Shane]

The. It's all nice.

[Chris]

Should I have a bite? I was going to pass on this one.

[Shane]

Let me have one more bite before I hand it over.

[Chris]

Do you want to keep holding it while I bite it so you can Keep a good grip on it.

[Lizzie]

I'm not great at my cheeses, but maybe it's a cheddar, possibly.

[Shane]

I love this.

[Lizzie]

What do you think?

[Chris]

It's cheddar. It's cheddar disguised as an American.

[Shane]

I would prefer this to Subway, honestly.

[Chris]

For real? For real. Is it the ciabatta bread?

[Shane]

I love that. That's my favorite article of food. Like, the pizza's arguably better, but I would go for that if I came to Costco.

[Chris]

Not a bad sandwich. I'm gonna have some onion left with it.

[Lizzie]

And you'll feel better after eating this.

[Shane]

I would have never ordered this either had we not been trying the whole menu. So this is like. When a video like this comes in handy.

[Chris]

Don't sleep on this.

[Shane]

It's the sa. It's perfect amount of sauce, perfect amount of cheese.

[Chris]

And if you're dangerous like me, get a side of onions.

[Shane]

Thick meat. Can I have another bite of this?

[Chris]

Yeah, girl.

[Lizzie]

I didn't know that was the thing you could do before today you taught me a whole new thing.

[Chris]

Well, they used to just have onions running rampant and then covet hit. And they were like, we gotta lock these onions up.

[Shane]

And then Lizzie's talking to the guy like, we need a knife. We need a knife. And I was like, there's knives over there. No, there's not. And then I'm. This is a knife. She goes, not that knife.

[Chris]

I didn't want that one. I wanted a different knife. Did I get it? No, you just finish that sandwich.

[Lizzie]

It's so good.

[Shane]

That's the video I'll try with ice cream.

[Lizzie]

Thank you. No, it's okay. Thank you.

[Chris]

Let me have one, right?

[Shane]

Stop being nasty to Chris, guys.

[Lizzie]

Thank you.

[Shane]

I appreciate that.

[Chris]

The amount of self control it's taking me to not make an AI video of Chris eating Chick Fil A. Listen. And I need you to know that I'm a good person for not doing that. Because I am so tired and awful that it's shocking that I didn't take the time out of my busy schedule to frame you.

[Lizzie]

You could just do that.

[Chris]

I know. And it would be so easy because Shane's collected all of your information to make AI. He made AI Ryland. We could have AI'd the out of you and gaslit you till you died and I would have loved it. And I need something to live for right now, Chris. I'm tired.

[Shane]

I saw a lot of people, though, standing up. I. It was 50. 50. Some people were just like, I thought Chris did eat it and Some people were like, like, I'm the mean one for making you go there. But with YouTube comments, it's just like I. I don't.

[Chris]

For the record, I don't feel like.

[Lizzie]

There'S anything mean about you going there or eating. Like, you know what I mean? Like I just don't want.

[Shane]

And that's fine. Typically I wouldn't have brought you to a chick fil a. Things just got going, you know, I couldn't be stopped after I started.

[Chris]

He's like a parking maid.

[Lizzie]

Sorry it became such a thing. I didn't want to make it an annoying thing. I was like, no, just go.

[Shane]

It was pretty deep in the comments though, because the radio thing was so. You had to. You had to go to newest first. Yeah. It might be at the top now.

[Lizzie]

And the radio segment was so good. Did they respond? Did they hear it?

[Chris]

We would never know cuz we don't listen to the radio.

[Shane]

Hopefully somebody will tell us if that feud continues.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Lizzie]

Wow.

[Chris]

Do anyone. Grandparents. Keep them in the know about what's happening on the radio.

[Lizzie]

That was the best part of the show.

[Shane]

We have melting shakes. I completely forgot about those. Uh oh, do you want to put.

[Chris]

Some onions in this?

[Shane]

All right, Chris. Yeah, let Chris have the first bite of all of them. Look at these. Oh, they look so good. And they were really thick too. Thumbnailing, please.

[Chris]

A mid chew.

[Shane]

I like don't have any more food to thumbnail with.

[Chris]

Here you go, baby.

[Lizzie]

Thank you very much.

[Chris]

I will say I got that chocolate one when I was pregnant and ate it on the way to the car entirely.

[Shane]

Oh, I was with you.

[Chris]

It was the happiest day.

[Lizzie]

I don't think I've had this one either.

[Chris]

Oh, it goes so hard.

[Shane]

Chris, I'm going to sneak back and I'm leaving.

[Chris]

I. Oh, no.

[Shane]

Do you think there's. I wish we would have got an extra cup for you to scoop a.

[Ryland]

Bunch into for you.

[Lizzie]

I got a good bite.

[Shane]

Wow. All chocolate.

[Chris]

Go for it.

[Lizzie]

Wait, is it okay if I bite this?

[Chris]

We don't care.

[Shane]

I don't care.

[Lizzie]

Yeah, I'm sorry I'm like this.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Chris]

As long as the only reason you're not not sharing is because you're sick.

[Shane]

No, this chocolate goes hard.

[Chris]

Yeah. Oh, makes your dick hard, huh?

[Lizzie]

Oh my.

[Shane]

Is that like fudge inside of vanilla and chocolate? Yeah, I got a scoop down in it to get some fudge.

[Chris]

Oh, that's the strangest thing I've ever said, actually. Maybe the gay.

[Lizzie]

That is so good. That's like insanely.

[Chris]

Good.

[Shane]

I'm a swirl girl. I like the chocolate with the vanilla mix.

[Chris]

I'm a straight up chocolate bitch.

[Lizzie]

I think I like the straight up chocolate more.

[Chris]

It's elegant, it gets it done. God damn. Everything is just choosing to be awful when it comes to milkshakes in this car.

[Lizzie]

I also cuz of guard reasons, never have chocolate so. Or not often. So whenever I do. Best thing and this is like especially good.

[Shane]

Soft serve is underrated.

[Chris]

In my life, when I was a young warthog, that was my thing.

[Shane]

And this one's raspberry or strawberry?

[Chris]

I think it's strawberry and vanilla.

[Shane]

Are there little strawberry chunks too? There's an actual strawberry?

[Chris]

Yeah, literally.

[Lizzie]

Oh my God.

[Chris]

Hot off the presses.

[Lizzie]

Oh my God. Why have I never tried any of these?

[Shane]

Cuz you're a fool. I did. See, there was a vanilla chocolate strawberry too.

[Lizzie]

I blame my mom. Anything that's exciting, she's like, that's bad for you. Don't eat it.

[Chris]

Say that flow again.

[Shane]

They have a vanilla chocolate swirl with strawberries added as well that you could get. Why can't I compute that it's this instead of fudge? Straw strawberries.

[Chris]

That's too much.

[Shane]

Well, that's what I was gonna get, but you said it was too much. Now I want to punch you in the face.

[Chris]

It still seems like too much to me.

[Lizzie]

Those are all incredible.

[Chris]

Also, I would like to compare the Hailey Bieber milkshake calories to the calories of this.

[Shane]

Oh no.

[Chris]

What?

[Shane]

We ran out of space.

[Chris]

Oh well, that's a sip.

[Lizzie]

You want to put this one up there?

[Shane]

Yum. Wow. Well, the audio is no longer going to be as great. Right?

[Lizzie]

So that one. Definitely. Cuz it's.

[Chris]

We have one last thing to try. Yeah.

[Shane]

This is the memory card.

[Chris]

Oh, we have two more things to try.

[Shane]

We have more to try. Oh, then I have to delete some things.

[Chris]

We don't have to try anything. We can just say goodbye.

[Shane]

What do we have?

[Chris]

We got pizza and a cookie. Am I even in the group anymore?

[Lizzie]

Is it the chocolate cookie?

[Shane]

I. Yeah, the chocolate chunk cookie card full. Why would my life be like this on the last podcast of the year?

[Chris]

Because you're on that.

[Shane]

Oh my God.

[Chris]

It's also the 200th episode.

[Shane]

Oh yeah. If I come like this, they'll be able to see you.

[Chris]

Oh, here I am, guys. I tried to look sexy today.

[Lizzie]

You did.

[Shane]

You look really good. These are my.

[Chris]

These are my milkers.

[Lizzie]

I had the thought when we were filming earlier that you.

[Chris]

Thank you. Thank you. Everyone for noticing.

[Shane]

Okay, we have five minutes to wrap this up on this memory.

[Chris]

All right, here we go, Chris.

[Lizzie]

Thank you. Should we cut that one and do a take two on both?

[Chris]

Cut? Which one?

[Lizzie]

This one.

[Chris]

Wow.

[Shane]

You're eating it without us.

[Chris]

What do you want me to do?

[Shane]

Are we even rolling? I'm hungry. Did it find you this time?

[Lizzie]

Not yet.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

It's not bad for cheese.

[Shane]

Is it recording them?

[Lizzie]

No. Yes.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Lizzie]

Two tastes common.

[Shane]

Mark, cut Chris a piece. Oh, he has a piece. This one's less greasy as I drop.

[Lizzie]

It all over myself. Oh, my God.

[Shane]

This one's less greasy than the pepperoni one.

[Chris]

I like the pepperoni better, but I will eat all of this.

[Shane]

I like this one.

[Lizzie]

This is a beautiful.

[Shane]

The pepperoni does. The pepperoni does give it good flavor.

[Chris]

I think the pepperoni is necessary. I'm over satiated.

[Lizzie]

I still love it.

[Shane]

It's good. It's really good.

[Chris]

I feel like I've been overserved and it's like too much. I'm overwhelmed and I need a nap.

[Shane]

The cheese falls off the pizza very easily.

[Chris]

Low key. I'm bordering on fussy.

[Shane]

Well, let's wrap this up for you then.

[Chris]

We got one more thing. Chocolate chunk cookie. You broke that.

[Shane]

We should put ice cream on it.

[Chris]

You should put ice cream on it.

[Shane]

Wow. Wow.

[Lizzie]

Oh, it's so soft. It's like exactly how I. Oh, it's exactly how I like it.

[Shane]

You can take half of it if you want.

[Lizzie]

No, it's okay.

[Chris]

No, take half because we're not gonna eat it.

[Shane]

Oh, my gosh. That was my thumbnail.

[Chris]

Really good. Really good thumbnailing.

[Shane]

Wow. I didn't mean to take that much.

[Lizzie]

But it's gonna be.

[Chris]

I'll take none.

[Shane]

Oh, you don't want cookie.

[Chris]

Okay, I'm over satiated.

[Shane]

Okay, that's fine. Wow. It's like perfectly gooey on the inside. This is crazy.

[Chris]

Do you want me to spoon feed you some chocolate ice cream with it?

[Shane]

I want the mixture of ice cream.

[Chris]

Oh, of course.

[Shane]

He wants the swirl and the swirl girl.

[Lizzie]

That's 10 out of 10 chocolate chip cookie.

[Shane]

Well, Costco really didn't have to snap that hard. No.

[Chris]

Do you see why I have an executive membership?

[Lizzie]

This is honestly so much better than crumbles Chocolate chip cookies.

[Shane]

So much better.

[Chris]

Chocolate cookie is never in the running for anything.

[Shane]

No, it's not. It's like that's in the running for worst chocolate chip cookie in America. Honestly.

[Chris]

Oh, God.

[Shane]

As a fan of crumbl, we have to be honest about people's flop.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Wow. Can I not get this without a membership? This is the best argument for membership they've got going for them.

[Chris]

I'm enjoying the cookie too.

[Shane]

It's really good.

[Chris]

I've been eating it with the chocolate ice cream.

[Shane]

Do you want some more, Chris?

[Lizzie]

I'm so happy. The best. Thank you.

[Shane]

Wow, this is a really good food. Way to end this year.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Chris]

On a bang.

[Lizzie]

Did anything like flop, food wise?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Lizzie]

Nothing, Right?

[Shane]

No. I will say the chicken something flopped. What?

[Chris]

I'll tell you right now.

[Shane]

Tell us.

[Chris]

I'm going to tell you. The Krispy Kreme. No, no. The Crusty Crab.

[Shane]

We're talking about Costco. Costco.

[Chris]

Oh, I thought we were talking about the whole year.

[Shane]

Oh, no, we. Anything in this menu. Did it flop? No, no. There were a lot of food flops this year.

[Lizzie]

I am sad the churro is gone, though. I used to love it.

[Shane]

Oh, I didn't know they had one.

[Lizzie]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Okay, well, we are gonna run out of space on this memory card, so we've gotta go. Thank you for an incredible year. Thank you for putting up with us, watching us, hanging out with us every single week. It does not get lost on us. This is such an incredible job. We're so thankful for you and we hope you have the best holiday season.

[Chris]

Oh, fuck.

[Shane]

Ice cream.

[Chris]

Yeah, of course. It's ice cream from the cyber truck.

[Shane]

It's not ice cream.

[Chris]

Chris, why'd you throw that?

[Shane]

Watch Lizzie's vlogs. Follow Chris on Instagram. And his YouTube channel. Of course. My vlog channel. And we love you guys so much. We'll see you next year. We're gonna have two weeks off. Count them. Count them. Two. What are doing?

[Chris]

Making a little heart. Oh, it's really good.

[Shane]

All right. We love you so much. That's the sip. Goodbye. That was.

[Chris]

My mouth is so full. I can't participate in the sip.

[Shane]

I didn't. I said and. Okay. And that's the sip. Toodaloo.