1275: Love Language by Angela Narciso Torres

Summary

Summary of Episode 1275: "Love Language" by Angela Narciso Torres

The Slowdown: Poetry & Reflection Daily
Host: Major Jackson
Podcast Information:
Produced by American Public Media in partnership with The Poetry Foundation and supported by the National Endowment for the Arts, The Slowdown is a daily poetry ritual hosted by Major Jackson. Each weekday episode features a poem accompanied by moments of reflection, aiming to inspire, calm, and engage listeners with both emerging and established poets.

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Introduction: The Challenge of Expressing Love

Timestamp: 00:36

In this episode, Major Jackson delves into the universal yet complex question: "How much do you love me?" He begins by illustrating the difficulty of quantifying affection through a scene from the classic 1990s film White Men Can't Jump.

"In a classic 90s film, White Men Can't Jump, Rosie Perez's character Gloria poses this very question to boyfriend Billy, played by Woody Harrelson. How much do you love me? She asks. Billy responds, I love you infinity. That's not enough, Gloria says." (00:36)

Jackson reflects on how such expressions, though heartfelt, often fall short of conveying the true depth of emotion. He emphasizes that love transcends numerical values or grand declarations, residing instead in the subtle, everyday actions that sustain relationships.

The Unquantifiable Nature of Love

Jackson explores why quantifying love poses such a challenge. He suggests that love is an inherently abstract emotion, deeply felt but difficult to articulate precisely. This abstraction leads to moments of vulnerability and uncertainty when one seeks to measure it.

"Affection is not quantifiable, which is why I am always speechless or caught off guard by it. I feel love from the depth of my being. How can I give a calculable sense of that?" (00:58)

He humorously acknowledges his own attempts to express love through playful metaphors, such as claiming to love someone "more than I love my nose," highlighting the often whimsical nature of romantic expressions.

The Subtlety of Everyday Love

Jackson argues that love is most authentically expressed through minute, consistent actions rather than occasional grand gestures. He provides examples of how everyday interactions and responsibilities become the language of love:

• Random Phone Calls: Maintaining connections between siblings through spontaneous check-ins.
• Thoughtful Gestures: A coworker bringing favorite cookies to the office.
• Household Routines: Completing daily tasks like taking out the trash or cleaning the cat litter to ease a partner's burden.

"Affection is signaled in minute ways, if at all. It is one of the lessons we mature into a random phone call between siblings, a box of favorite cookies brought to the office by a coworker..." (02:30)

These actions, though seemingly mundane, collectively fortify the bonds between individuals, serving as the backbone of enduring relationships.

The Evolutionary and Emotional Significance of Love

Delving deeper, Jackson posits that the desire to measure love may stem from a need for security and reassurance. He suggests that love acts as a protective shield, fostering resilience against external challenges and internal insecurities.

"This most powerful of human feelings literally boosts our immune system and decreases blood pressure. We need to know that if we fall, we are reassured that we will be caught." (04:10)

He further muses on the evolutionary roots of this need, questioning whether love's protective qualities are ingrained in our biology or if they rise from a more profound, perhaps spiritual, place.

Introducing "Love Language" by Angela Narciso Torres

To encapsulate these reflections, Jackson presents the poem "Love Language" by Angela Narciso Torres. The poem beautifully illustrates how love is manifested through attentive, deliberate actions that often go unnoticed but are crucial in maintaining deep connections.

Excerpt from the Poem:

"Across the breakfast table, the stirring and sipping of coffee
ice blue light flickers from his phone, sheening the crags of his face.
Later he'll chisel the cracked earth, lift the rose bush, a stray tangled in thistle and vine, riddled with snails.
Gently he'll pluck the stubborn shells, lay them in the grass in a clay pot.
He's made a bed to plant the rose, but first he'll nip between thumb and forefinger each black pocked leaf." (05:15)

Through vivid imagery, the poem captures the essence of love expressed through patience, care, and the labor of love in daily life. Each action, from tending the garden to washing a daughter's hair, serves as a testament to enduring affection and commitment.

Conclusion: The Enduring Power of Everyday Love

In wrapping up, Jackson reiterates the significance of recognizing and valuing the small, consistent acts that constitute the true language of love. He encourages listeners to appreciate these moments, understanding that they collectively build a resilient and profound foundation for lasting relationships.

"Today's poem shows us how the most mundane acts connect us strongly to one another. Thoughtful actions blaze eternally as evidence of ongoing diligence, care and patience." (05:50)

By embracing these everyday expressions, individuals can cultivate deeper connections and a more tangible sense of being loved, moving beyond the challenges of articulating infinite affection.

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Production Credits

The Slowdown is produced by Major Jackson, with Micah Kilbon as lead producer and Maria Wartel as associate producer. Alexis Quadrato composed the music, Josh Savageau handled engineering, and James Napoli served as digital producer. Additional production support was provided by Susanna Sharpless, Jess Miller, and Lauren Humpert. The executives in charge of APM Studios are Chandra Kavati and Joanne Griffith.

For more poems and reflections, visit slowdownshow.org and follow The Slowdown on Instagram @slowdownshow.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I'm Major Jackson and this is the Slowdown One of my favorite questions in life is when someone asks, how much do you love me? And then the friend, lover, partner, parent, child will say this much and spread their arms wide apart in a gesture meant to signal a lot. In a classic 90s film, White Men Can't Jump, Rosie Perez's character Gloria, poses this very question to boyfriend Billy, played by Woody Harrelson. How much do you love me? She asks. Billy responds, I love you infinity. That's not enough, gloria says. Billy infinity's the biggest number there is. Gloria it's not Billy. What's bigger? Gloria Infinity plus two the question is a challenging one, though, because affection is not quantifiable, which is why I am always speechless or caught off guard by it. I feel love from the depth of my being. How can I give a calculable sense of that? I can only reach for language and metaphor with hopes that my wit captures the far reaches of my feelings. I might give a goofball answer like I love you more than I love my nose. The question is also challenging, because love does not arrive on the daily in grand symbolic gestures, affection is signaled in minute ways, if at all. It is one of the lessons we mature into a random phone call between siblings, a box of favorite cookies brought to the office by a co worker, the completion of a daily household routine like taking out the trash or cleaning the cat litter, which might make a roommate or partner's life just a little better. Why do we need to know how much we are loved? In a way, aren't we asking how thick is the shield of affection that protects us from the world, maybe even from ourselves? This most powerful of human feelings literally boosts our immune system and decreases blood pressure. We need to know that if we fall, we are reassured that we will be caught. Maybe it's evolutionary, or maybe it's deeper even than that. Today's poem shows us how the most mundane acts connect us strongly to one another. Thoughtful actions blaze eternally as evidence of ongoing diligence, care and patience. Love Language By Angela Narciso Torres across the breakfast table, the stirring and sipping of coffee ice blue light flickers from his phone, sheening the crags of his face. Later he'll chisel the cracked earth, lift the rose bush, a stray tangled in thistle and vine, riddled with snails. Gently he'll pluck the stubborn shells, lay them in the grass in a clay pot. He's made a bed to plant the rose, but first he'll nip between thumb and forefinger each black pocked leaf. The roots he'll loosen with the garden hose, running fingers through the strands as one washes a daughter's hair. Tomorrow he'll scan the knuckled stems for buds furled in the sun, like words about to be spoken. The Slowdown is a production of American Public Media in partnership with the Poetry Foundation. This project is also supported in part by the National Endowment for the Arts. On the [e-mail] to get a poem delivered to you daily, go to slowdownshow.org and sign up for our newsletter and find us on Instagram at slowdownshow. The Slowdown is written by me, Major Jackson. Our lead producer is Micah Kilbon, and our associate producer is Maria Wartel. Our music is composed by Alexis Quadrato, engineering by Josh Savageau. Our digital producer is James Napoli. Additional production help by Susanna Sharpless, Jess Miller, and Lauren Humpert. Our executives in charge of APM Studios are Chandra Kavati and Joanne Griffith.

[A]

Sticking to New Year's resolutions can be overwhelming. That's why it's best to set easy, attainable goals. Start with staying hydrated with Brita. The Brita Elite filter makes tap water taste great and safer to drink, too. Brita Elite removes 99% of lead from your water and reduces other contaminants so you'll actually want to drink it. Raise a glass of water to your 2025 hydration goals. Pick up a Brita pitcher with elite filter today. 99% of lead certified by WQA. Substances reduced may not be in all users water.