1376: Laura, I Want You Pulling Your Hair Back by Natalie Dunn

Summary

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Episode Overview

Episode Title: Laura, I Want You Pulling Your Hair Back
Podcast: The Slowdown: Poetry & Reflection Daily
Host: Maggie Smith
Date: October 17, 2025

In this episode, host Maggie Smith explores how true love and meaningful relationships are rooted in a genuine embrace of each other’s quirks and peculiarities—not in spite of them, but because of them. The show centers around “Laura I Want You Pulling Your Hair Back” by Natalie Dunn, a poem that celebrates the vivid, imperfect details of a beloved friend.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Beauty of Idiosyncrasies (00:34–02:19)

• Maggie begins by reflecting on how a significant aspect of loving someone is delighting in what makes them unique:

  “A big part of loving someone is loving their idiosyncrasies.” (Maggie Smith, 00:34)

• She distinguishes delighting in quirks from merely tolerating them:

  “I don't mean tolerating them or… putting up with them… I mean delighting in them.” (Maggie Smith, 00:53)

• Maggie shares personal anecdotes about her own quirks, like her “loud, cackling laugh,” her “very uncool excitement about the natural world,” and her “propensity to curse like a sailor but then say language when they do the same.”

  “So what if I misplace my car keys and phone several times a day? So what if I make every meal a little spicier than it needs to be?” (Maggie Smith, 02:19)

• She emphasizes the comfort found in being loved as you are, suggesting it bolsters our sense of self:

  “My quirks are part of what make me me. That's true of all of us, and we need the people in our lives to love us, quirks and all.” (Maggie Smith, 02:33)

Introduction to the Poem (03:11–03:18)

• Maggie introduces the poem as “seeing someone as beloved, not in spite of her idiosyncrasies and her struggles, but because of them.”

  “Today's poem sees someone as beloved, not in spite of her idiosyncrasies and her struggles, but because of them.” (Maggie Smith, 03:11)

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Featured Poem: "Laura, I Want You Pulling Your Hair Back" by Natalie Dunn (03:18–04:57)

Poem Themes & Moments

• The poem is an affectionate, intimate tribute to a friend named Laura—highlighting her quirks and moments of vulnerability and joy:

  • Simple Rituals:
    “pulling your hair / back behind your ears, boiling pasta and forgetting about six minutes, letting it turn to glue.”
  • Shared Mischief:
    “I remember once you said this tree is torn to shreds and we stood and stripped it further.”
  • Moments of Fear and Closeness:
    “The night I looked at you terrified / this was back when we belonged to no one. / When your hand found my rib in the dark / I played dumb so as not to lose you.”
  • Witnessing Change and Growth:
    “I watched you choose lovers, watched as you changed on a whim / when a man entered the room.”
  • Embracing Embarrassment and Joy:
    “Laura, I want you embarrassed by long dresses, by the fun of the carnival.”
  • Acts of Care and Connection:
    “I remember the first time I convinced you to keep living. / It didn’t take much. I tricked you into walking to the place on the corner with cheese danishes glazed thick with sugar. We never got them.”
  • Imagination and Play:
    “On the sidewalk a child was playing in her plastic kitchen. She poured us imaginary water, offered us mud soup. We put out our hands. You took the mud almost to your mouth.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “A big part of loving someone is loving their idiosyncrasies.” (Maggie Smith, 00:34)
• “These are the little things you'll miss about them when they're away or after they're gone.” (Maggie Smith, 01:08)
• “My quirks are part of what make me me. That's true of all of us, and we need the people in our lives to love us, quirks and all.” (Maggie Smith, 02:33)
• “Today's poem sees someone as beloved, not in spite of her idiosyncrasies and her struggles, but because of them.” (Maggie Smith, 03:11)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:34 – Maggie introduces the idea of loving someone’s quirks
• 00:53–02:33 – Personal stories and reflections on being loved “as you are”
• 03:11 – Poem framed as a celebration of idiosyncrasies
• 03:18–04:57 – Maggie reads Natalie Dunn’s “Laura, I Want You Pulling Your Hair Back”

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Episode Tone

The episode maintains Maggie Smith’s signature compassionate, reflective, and affirming tone. She invites listeners to celebrate the ordinary, sometimes messy parts of others and themselves, underlining that these details are the substance of love and memory.

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Takeaway

This episode of The Slowdown reminds us that the truest, deepest love encompasses the full spectrum—the quirks, habits, and vulnerabilities—of those we cherish. Through both personal anecdote and poetry, Maggie encourages us to recognize and honor the idiosyncratic humanity in ourselves and others, leaning into compassion, connection, and hope.

Transcript

[A]

My dog Max loves chewing on my favorite pair of shoes almost as much as he loves his Blue Buffalo Life Protection Formula Dry Dog Food. Seriously, he never leaves a crumb. And I love it too, because it's made with high quality protein, antioxidant packed fruits and nutrient rich veggies. Blue Buffalo foods are made with the superior ingredients your dog needs to thrive. Can your dog food say that? Visit feedbluefood.com to learn more. Foreign.

[B]

I'm Maggie Smith and this is the Slowdown A big part of loving someone is loving their idiosyncrasies.

[C]

I don't mean tolerating them or putting up with them or trying to overlook them. I mean delighting in them.

[B]

I mean taking real pleasure in the way someone laughs or speaks or the way they tell a story, or the way they cook or eat. These are the little things you'll miss about them when they're away or after they're gone. A big part of loving someone, whether they're a friend or a family member or someone you're romantically involved with, is embracing them exactly as they are, not hoping they'll change or waiting for them to change or worst of all, trying to change them yourself. My children tease me all the time about my quirks, my loud, cackling laugh, my childlike and very uncool excitement about the natural world, the way I pronounce certain words is it basil or basil? And my propensity to curse like a sailor but then say language when they do the same. They tease me and I let them because I know they do it out of love. I've never gotten the sense that they.

[D]

Wished I were different.

[B]

So what if I misplace my car keys and phone several times a day? So what if I make every meal a little spicier than it needs to be? So what if I quote Ferris Bueller's Day off and the Big Lebowski more than anyone should? My quirks are part of what make me me. That's true of all of us, and we need the people in our lives to love us, quirks and all. I hope I'm that kind of mother to them, and that kind of friend and partner and sister and daughter throughout my life. Today's poem sees someone as beloved, not in spite of her idiosyncrasies and her struggles, but because of them. This is a poem by Natalie Dunn Laura I want you pulling your hair.

[D]

Back behind your ears, boiling pasta and forgetting about six minutes, letting it turn to glue. I remember once you said this tree is torn to shreds and we stood and stripped it further. The night I looked at you terrified this was back when we belonged to no one. When your hand found my rib in the dark I played dumb so as not to lose you. I watched you choose lovers, watched as you changed on a whim when a man entered the room Laura, I want you embarrassed by long dresses, by the fun of the carnival. I remember the first time I convinced you to keep living. It didn't take much. I tricked you into walking to the place on the corner with cheese danishes glazed thick with sugar. We never got them. On the sidewalk a child was playing in her plastic kitchen. She poured us imaginary water, offered us mud soup. We put out our hands. You took the mud almost to your mouth.

[C]

The Slowdown is a production of American.

[B]

Public Media in partnership with the Poetry Foundation. To get a poem delivered to you.

[C]

Daily, go to slowdownshow.org and sign up for our newsletter and find us on Instagram, SlowdownShow and Blueskylowdownshow.org the Slowdown is written by me, Maggie Smith. Our lead producer is Micah Kielbon, and our associate producer is Maria Wurtel. Our music is composed by Kyle Andrews, engineering by Derek Ramirez. Our editor is Joanne Griffith. Additional production help by Susanna Sharpless, Cece Lucas, Marcel Malakibu, and Lauren Humpert. Our executives in charge are Chandra Kavati and Mark Crowley.

[B]

Hi, it's Maggie. The Slowdown is the only poetry podcast in public media. That means your support is vital to keep us going. No matter how much you give, your contribution makes a real difference. Head to SlowdownShow.org donate today to Power More Poems into the Future.