Episode Summary: The Slowdown #1437 — "Now that we’ve been married all these years" by Keetje Kuipers

Host: Maggie Smith
Date: January 19, 2026

Overview

In this episode, Maggie Smith reflects on how life is divided by "befores and afters," both in history and in our personal lives. She introduces Keetje Kuipers’s poem, "Now that we’ve been married all these years," and reads it in full. The poem considers love, memory, and the profound shift that marriage brings—a shift so deep it makes the time before feel almost unimaginable. Smith uses the poem to meditate on how the past shapes the present, even when it seems distant or irretrievable.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Life’s Defining “Before” and “After” Moments

• Maggie opens by discussing how both history and personal experience are often understood as divided into "before" and "after" eras:
  • Examples from history: BC and AD, pre-war and post-war, pre-9/11, pre-pandemic.
  • Personal examples: leaving home, milestones like graduation, marriage, or having children.
• She notes the difficulty in clearly recalling the “before” of important relationships and life changes, including her life before children and her ex-husband.

The Persistence and Influence of the Past

• Maggie acknowledges the ever-present nature of the past:
  • “The past is never really passed. It’s with us because it changes us.” (02:27)
  • The past shapes who we are at every moment, making it inseparable from the present.
• Despite living fully in the present—a time Maggie describes as, “happy” and “as it should be”—she recognizes that the imprint of former times persists.

Introduction & Context of the Poem

• Smith introduces Kuipers’s poem as a love poem from the perspective of someone long-married; the speaker struggles to even imagine life before their spouse.
• She notes how the poem frames the speaker’s past as both factual and hazy, almost mythic in its distance.

Reading of "Now that we’ve been married all these years"

• Key Imagery: Kuipers’s poem is filled with vivid, intimate, and sometimes whimsical images—a plane trailing an ad “selling us things we already have,” “trawler; polka-dotted lantern fly; tendril of melted ice cream; snail sticking your wrists”—all ordinary moments, now cherished.
• Reflections on Love Before Marriage: The speaker describes love before marriage as “idiopathic”—painful and mysterious, “pain without a diagnosable source."
• Notable Analogy: Remembering life before her spouse is compared to “knowing that the length of my veins could wrap around the Earth four times, or that each year on Saturn it rains 10 million tons of diamonds—imaginable, but just barely.”
• Transformation Through Marriage: For some, “getting married” is a pact with another; for the speaker, it is a pact with the world—a promise to refuse herself nothing and to live fully present.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the nature of the past:

  • “The past is never really passed. It’s with us because it changes us. The past shaped who we are in the present.” — Maggie Smith (02:27)

• On the nearly unimaginable “before”:

  • “I know there was a time when before I met you. But that fact is like knowing that the length of my veins could wrap around the Earth four times. Or that each year on Saturn it rains 10 million tons of diamonds—imaginable, but just barely.” — Keetje Kuipers (as read by Maggie Smith, 03:00)

• On love before meeting the spouse:

  • “Love, before your arrival, had been an idiopathic thing. Pain without a diagnosable source, a sensation that divided me from the people I loved, because I was the only one who could feel it.” — Keetje Kuipers (03:16)

• On the meaning of marriage:

  • “When some people get married, they’re making a pact with another person. When I married you, I made a pact with the world. I live in it now and refuse myself nothing.” — Keetje Kuipers (03:40)

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------| | 01:00 | Maggie Smith begins the main content and reflection on “before and after” eras | | 02:27 | Discusses the persistent presence of the past | | 02:50 | Introduction to the poem’s theme and context | | 03:00 | Maggie begins reading "Now that we’ve been married all these years" | | 03:16 | Striking metaphors about love before marriage | | 03:40 | The transformation marriage brings; poem’s closing lines |

Tone & Language

Maggie Smith’s tone is gentle, contemplative, and deeply compassionate. The poem and her reflections encourage listeners to hold their past with understanding, honor their present with gratitude, and recognize the small domestic wonders of daily life. Emotional resonance—rooted in wonder, attention, and gratitude—runs through both Smith’s introduction and Kuipers’s poem.

Conclusion

This episode thoughtfully explores how the “before times” in personal life can become distant and nearly unimaginable after transformative love. Maggie Smith, through Keetje Kuipers’s poem and her own reflections, invites listeners to honor both past and present, to cherish the ordinary, and to recognize the radical transformation marriage (and love itself) can bring. The episode exemplifies The Slowdown’s mission: to use poetry as a tool for reflection, connection, and hope.