[encore] 520: I Worry My Mother Will Die and I Will Know Nothing by Asa Drake

Summary

Summary of "[encore] 520: I Worry My Mother Will Die and I Will Know Nothing by Asa Drake"

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Slowdown: Poetry & Reflection Daily
• Host: Maggie Smith
• Episode: [encore] 520: I Worry My Mother Will Die and I Will Know Nothing by Asa Drake
• Release Date: August 13, 2025
• Producer: American Public Media in partnership with the Poetry Foundation

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Introduction to the Episode

In this encore episode of The Slowdown: Poetry & Reflection Daily, host Maggie Smith revisits a poignant poem by Asa Drake titled "I Worry My Mother Will Die and I Will Know Nothing." Originally featured in the show's archives, this episode delves deep into the themes of hunger, fullness, familial relationships, and the innate human desire for satisfaction and security.

Host's Introduction and Context (Maggie Smith)

Timestamp: [01:00]

Maggie Smith opens the episode with an introduction to herself as the new host of The Slowdown, expressing her excitement to share new episodes with listeners starting August 18th. She bridges the present with the past by highlighting that in this encore presentation, she will be revisiting favorite episodes from the archive. Specifically, she introduces Asa Drake's impactful poem, expressing gratitude for being able to share Drake's work with the audience.

Notable Quote:

"I'm the new host of the Slowdown and I'm so looking forward to sharing new episodes with you starting August 18th." — Maggie Smith [01:00]

Poem Reading and Analysis

Timestamp: [01:27]

Ada Limon's Introduction to the Poem:

Ada Limon sets the stage by exploring the multifaceted concept of hunger—not just the physical need to eat but the emotional and psychological cravings that drive human behavior. She reflects on personal experiences and observations, such as watching children recognize and accept fullness, and her own tendencies towards overeating as a means of seeking fulfillment.

Notable Quotes:

• "Hunger is also something else, isn't it? It's not just the physical need to eat, but sometimes it is the want to be made satisfied." — Ada Limon [01:27]
• "It's a gift to be full and to know it." — Ada Limon [01:27]

Asa Drake's "I Worry My Mother Will Die and I Will Know Nothing":

Asa Drake's poem intertwines personal memory with broader themes of identity, loss, and the fear of oblivion. The narrative traverses through family history, misunderstandings in societal roles, and the poignant fear of losing a loved one without truly understanding or connecting with them.

Key Themes Explored:

1. Familial Bonds and Fears: Drake expresses a deep-seated worry about his mother's mortality and the accompanying fear of not truly knowing her essence. This fear is juxtaposed with memories of his grandmother's resilience and adaptability.

2. Identity and Misunderstanding: The poem touches upon being mistaken for a waitress, highlighting societal misconceptions and the inherent struggles with personal identity.

3. Nature and Seasons as Metaphors: Seasonal changes symbolize transitions in life and emotions, with winter representing stagnation and the hope of spring signifying renewal.

4. Consumerism and Genuine Satisfaction: Drake critiques modern consumer habits, such as choosing the "Cosmic Crisp" apple for its shelf life over potentially more meaningful choices, emphasizing a disconnection from genuine needs.

Notable Quotes:

• "Mother warns me nothing will change. I'm alive and you don't know anything." — Asa Drake [01:27]
• "It's still winter, with a brown leaf staining my work slacks." — Asa Drake [01:27]
• "All my life I've wanted to lay with my stomach to the grass. I've wanted to eat from community gardens." — Asa Drake [01:27]
• "The last day of the week I split it to decide if it's for sharing or eating whole." — Asa Drake [01:27]
• "I am where I come from." — Asa Drake [01:27]

Analysis:

Drake masterfully uses vivid imagery and personal anecdotes to delve into complex emotions surrounding family, identity, and personal fulfillment. The recurring motif of hunger serves as both a literal and metaphorical exploration of desire—be it for food, connection, or understanding. The poem's structure, oscillating between past and present, creates a contemplative rhythm that invites listeners to reflect on their own experiences and fears.

Conclusion and Closing Remarks

Timestamp: [06:07]

The episode concludes with a brief message from Micah, the lead producer of The Slowdown. He emphasizes the importance of public media and encourages listeners to support podcasts like The Slowdown amidst challenges such as federal budget cuts. This call to action underscores the community-driven spirit of the podcast, reminding listeners of their role in sustaining valuable cultural and educational content.

Notable Quote:

"If you want to protect your favorite public media podcasts like this one, visit americanpublicmedia.org/action to learn how you can help." — Micah [06:07]

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Reflections and Insights

Asa Drake's "I Worry My Mother Will Die and I Will Know Nothing" serves as a profound meditation on the inevitability of loss and the human condition's intricate dance with understanding and memory. Through personal introspection and societal commentary, the poem invites listeners to confront their vulnerabilities and the universal desire for meaningful connections. Maggie Smith, through her sensitive hosting, and Ada Limon's thoughtful introduction, create an environment where poetry becomes a vessel for collective reflection and personal growth.

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Connect with The Slowdown:

• Website: slowdownshow.org
• Instagram: @SlowdownShow
• Newsletter: Subscribe to receive daily poems delivered to your inbox.

Transcript

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[Maggie Smith]

Hi, it's Maggie Smith. I'm the new host of the Slowdown and I'm so looking forward to sharing new episodes with you starting August 18th. In the meantime, we're revisiting some favorites from the archive, like today's episode from Ada Limone. I'm grateful to share her work with you today.

[Ada Limon]

I'm Ada Limon and this is the Slowdown. I spend a lot of time thinking about hunger. Too much time, really. I'm from a family who starts planning their next meal while they are sitting down to their first meal. I have read books on hunger. How to feel full, how to know when you are hungry or or just bored or maybe sad. But hunger is also something else, isn't it? It's not just the physical need to eat, but sometimes it is the want to be made satisfied. To feel for once like we have enough. I love watching children push away a plate when they've discovered fullness. It is a gift to be full and to know it. But me, I'm greedy with food. I love it. I over order from restaurants and cook too much food at home. I want to feel not just full, but fixed in some way. As if each meal will be my last and I must take it in like the world, all at once. Today's poem says centers on these ideas of hunger and fullness. It asks what can satisfy us in a world that is often telling us we are not enough and will never have enough. I worry my mother will die and I Will Know Nothing by Asa Drake Sometimes history is too beautiful to be believed until dinner time. My grandmother sold gardenias wrapped in banana leaves. Then she found better ways to earn a living. Years later, at an American restaurant, I'm mistaken for a waitress wearing all my silk, an accident I knew in my body, like the pride I felt when my adult mother said I I have narrow feet. Mother warns me nothing will change. I'm alive and you don't know anything. It was winter when my mother spoke, apples rolling in the back seat, the fragrance shifting off site under the great deterrent of rain. It's still winter, with a brown leaf staining my work slacks. I smell the tea olives working up spring, or the luxury of that kind of thinking in January when I explain to another that my lunch wasn't useful. All my life I've wanted to lay with my stomach to the grass. I've wanted to eat from community gardens. I wrote a lie, I'll admit now I didn't eat the municipal fruit. I bought the Cosmic Crisp over the Honeycrisp for a dollar surcharge because I wanted extra shelf life. The last day of the week I split it to decide if it's for sharing or eating whole. It's a luxury to have your hunger. I'm sure I don't need to go back. But can we go back the restaurant? I am laughing with the woman at the table next to mine about the woman who would have me serve while I celebrate. She was going to eat one dish, and I've ordered five. You know I'll still leave hungry because I don't tell you what I eat. See the phoenix with its mouth and feet grasping for two servings. I am Where I come from. The Slowdown is a production of American Public Media in partnership with the Poetry Foundation. To get a poem delivered to you daily, go to slowdownshow.org and and sign up for our newsletter. Follow the Slowdown on Instagram SlowdownShow.

[Listener]

Hi.

[Micah]

Everyone, it's Micah, lead producer of the Slowdown. I want to take a minute to talk to you about public media. You may have heard about federal budget cuts and other threats to public media, but what you might not know is that the Slowdown is actually part of the public media ecosystem. If you want to protect your favorite public media podcasts like this one, visit americanpublicmedia.org action to learn how you can help.