← The Spiritual Hustler
The Spiritual Hustler
Inner Beauty, Outer Beauty, Cutting off All Your Hair and Living in the Light with Caroline Hobby
01:14:50
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- [00:02]
A
Welcome to the Spiritual Hustler Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Zweig, multi seven figure serial entrepreneur, best selling author and branding and business coach. And this is a show where we are redefining the word hustle. Reclaiming our true feminine nature of magnetism and putting down the self judgments and shame around loving to work and making a lot of money at it. On this show you're going to learn how to stop hustling and start spiritually hustling. By pressing play. You are now part of a new movement of women who don't hustle for money. We hustle for meaning. We don't hustle from lack. We hustle for love. We don't hustle from survival. We hustle for humanity's thriving. We hustle toward healing the ancestral programming of fear and step into a new understanding of safety in the body to receive this shift isn't going to only heal your life. It's going to make you a whole lot richer too. This is the Spiritual Hustler podcast.
- [01:08]
B
Well, hello my beautiful souls and welcome.
- [01:11]
A
Back to the show.
- [01:12]
B
Welcome back to the Spiritual Hustler podcast. I am, as always, just so, so freaking excited to be with you. Do I have a treat for you today. This interview is going to make you laugh, this might make you cry, it's gonna probably stop you in your track amazement at the true raw depth and authenticity of my guest today. This conversation today holds a lot of weight not only because Caroline Hobby, who you're going to get to know her wisdom, her truth, her self deprecating honesty just creates such a sense of safety amongst I think everyone who encounters her because she's just so real. But also it's full circle for me because over the last, you know, two years, couple years, many of you who've been listening to the show, if you're, if you're not new, welcome back. If you're new, welcome here. I have been on a journey of deep transformation. I've had quite a big death and rebirth over these last couple of years. It really started of course with building my agency after, you know, five and a half years, crushing my hockey stick of a profitability, going up and up and up and scaling my team and doubling my revenue and being everywhere with my first book and I crashed in 22 with diagnosed depression and complete mental, physical, emotional, spiritual greed of burnout and it was really coming to Nashville. So I had grown up outside of the city of Chicago and moved right into Chicago right after college. So I had lived in the state of Illinois my entire life. And my husband and I were really looking to spread our wings. And we looked at Austin and Florida and California, and nothing was hitting. And we came to Nashville in the winter of 22, which is really when I fell into my deep, dark depression, and everything stopped. And that was really the beginning of my unraveling into my own shadows to recognize my own addiction to the toxic masculine hustle, which then led me, very serendipitously, to Egypt, which I've talked about very much on this show and wrote about in my new book, the Light Work. And then I came home from that trip, and everything shifted, and I died in Egypt. That version of me died. And I came back new and decided to really uproot not only my life.
- [03:40]
A
I.
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B
We moved from Chicago to Nashville, where it's greener and slower and a little kinder, but really uprooted and transformed my whole business identity. I sold my agency. I started a new business that I'm now running that's founded upon coaching female entrepreneurs into their highest light and authenticity and power and potential, guiding them through their remembrance of their feminine identity. But really, what solidified this change? Why I knew I could move to Nashville? What has really been the anchoring of my entire death and rebirth? Because this has not been a joyful, 100% straight line. It has been. It has definitely had its incredibly dark moments. It has been the women in my community. It has been my sisters. It has been my friends who have said to me, and not just said to me, but shown me. I see you, girl.
- [04:46]
A
We've got you.
- [04:47]
B
Come on in. Come on into my city. Come on into my heart. And Carolyn Hobby was the very first woman to do that for me. I had met Caroline on my first book tour for B. She had me on her incredibly successful massive podcast, Get Real, one of the biggest podcasts in the space.
- [05:08]
A
Put.
- [05:08]
B
Put the podcasting space on the map in Nashville. She launched her show in 2016, and I was very lucky to get on her show to talk about my first book, B. And we just had this instant connection, and she mentioned she was in Nashville. And I was like, I think I'm moving to Nashville. And she's like, well, next time you're coming through, let's have lunch. And I remember not forgetting that. And I emailed her a few months later because we were coming to check out the city. And I emailed her, and she wrote me back in five minutes.
- [05:35]
A
She was like, how about April 16th at.
- [05:38]
B
At RH at noon? And I was like, okay, I guess this is on. And what's just so incredible about Caroline is that she's. She creates that feeling for everyone that reaches her work and is in her energy and hears her story. And I'm so excited to have her on for so many reasons, but to really showcase what being real, really real can not only do for your career, building a platform, scaling an incredibly successful podcast as a host, as she has done done, which I believe I have done, which I know a lot of women aspire to build brands and build businesses predicated on their own unique authenticity, of course. But what being real can really do to heal your life when you're in sacred spaces with other women. And this is really why I've decided to host retreats. My Claim youm Light retreat, which is coming up in just a few months, which is happening in riviera Maya, Mexico, January 26th through the 30th, has just a few spots open. And there's this. Yes. Elevation that we can hold each other up to show each other one another's potential and create these deep bonds of empowerment. That's what I hosted my retreats for in the first place.
- [06:57]
A
But to really see what I call.
- [06:59]
B
The sameness in one another, the same desire to feel like we belong, that we're not alone, that we have deepest dreams and hunger and yearnings to live our most beautiful, fruitful, healthiest lives. And to just remember that the power of coming together in conversations, in community with women who are willing to be that real is the best medicine of them all. I write about that in my book the Lightwork, Chapter seven, Female Friendships. The Greatest Medicine of Them all is what that chapter is called. And it's just the most beautiful full circle thing to have Caroline on my show. She came to my house in Nashville in my podcast studio. We had this conversation live and I'm just so proud of her. I'm so proud to bring her to you. I'm getting emotional because this conversation is rich with realness and it is going to touch your heart. And if you're looking to find sisters like Caroline in your life, if you're feeling the call to get yourself inside of spaces that truly activate your power, potential and truth with a capital T, I'd love to meet you in Mexico. You can go check out the link in the show notes. Jessica Zweig.com retreats is where you can register. And without further ado, I'm just so excited to get started into this conversation with the incredible Caroline hobby. Caroline was a signed artist.
- [08:33]
A
She was a musician.
- [08:34]
B
And this band, Stealing Angels, toured the world Toured the nation. Carolyn came to the city of Nashville herself at the age of 19 and started a band, a trio called Stealing Angels. She had radio singles. She went on nationwide tours with the biggest artists in country music. She has performed at CMT and the Grand Ole Opry. She actually was a star on the Amazing Race on cbs. And she's found herself crushing the podcast space as the host of Get Real. And her incredible, most, I think proudest accolade is being a mom of her daughter, Sunny. This interview is just chalk filled with, again, her story and so much richness of realness. And here is my beautiful conversation with the incredible Caroline Hobby.
- [09:23]
A
Caroline Hobby. Yes. Welcome to the Spiritual Hustler Studio.
- [09:29]
C
Exciting.
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A
And this space. I'm so grateful. You have been such a light in my life. You were the first woman that I met in this town, and you were like, come on in, girl. And it was a huge affirmation that I was on the right path. You really. Yes, you.
- [09:44]
C
Oh, well, you know, we have the same birthday, July 30th. Yes, we talk about this every time.
- [09:48]
A
I'm sorry, I need more coffee.
- [09:50]
C
It's not like you're writing a whole book, traveling around the world, trying to figure out why we exist in the point of humanity or anything. Not at all.
- [09:56]
A
No.
- [09:56]
C
It's just casual, you know, just casual things you're researching.
- [09:59]
A
But that makes sense that we have a similar blueprint.
- [10:02]
C
Yeah. I like yours, though, because you have done all this hard work and you figured so many things out. I have all these feelings about stuff, but. And I've done some definite spiritual work and research in trial and error and discovering. But I'm like, man, you've really gone hard for it, and you're sharing that with us. Thank you.
- [10:19]
A
You're very welcome. I received that. But I want. I will say to you, what I think is so powerful about you is that you're so beautifully explorative and in the question, and you don't have all of the answers, but you. You actually do. You have your. A lot of your own answers, and you're outwardly visibly seeking. And I think that that's a roadmap and a permission slip for women as well. Like, yes, I have some answers. These are my quote unquote answers. But you have really committed to the journey, and I want to talk about that because your journey is so multifaceted, as a singer, as a personality, a podcast host, a mom. And I just feel like you kind of have multiple identities, like the brunette Caroline, the blonde Caroline. We've like, talked about this. We can go deep on hair color in a second. But color's a real thing. Hair color is. I dyed my hair brown because I. I needed that girl to die. Like, that girl was gone. Yeah.
- [11:19]
C
Same.
- [11:20]
A
And the through line in the seeking of the multifaceted identities for both of us. My. My question for you is. Is on purpose. And how do we find purpose in all of it? Have you found your purpose?
- [11:36]
C
I. Until I was 40. I started prepping for 40 when I was 38.
- [11:41]
A
Say more.
- [11:42]
C
I. I, like. I prep for the next decade. Cause I'm like, every decade, I'm like, I'm not going into this next decade with my previous decade problems.
- [11:49]
A
Yeah.
- [11:50]
C
Because I already know, like, you have this choice in life, and I've just seen it play out. You just keep adding on to your shit, and you get heavier and heavier and heavier and more resentful. More resentful and more burdens and more problems. And life is awful. And it's like, compound interest. And I've just seen people do that where they don't clean out and they don't examine and they don't. And I grew up with a very spiritual mom.
- [12:18]
B
I met her.
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A
Yes. She's a lightworker.
- [12:20]
C
She is. And she's ahead of her time. And I told my mom this the other day. I was like, mom, you know why we've always, like, just felt this way to this world, and we're so empathetic, and we're, like, super, like, just pushing towards the light. I'm like, it's because we're ahead of our time.
- [12:33]
A
You are. I met your mom and I felt like, first of all, she's ageless.
- [12:36]
C
Yeah.
- [12:37]
A
Second of all, I looked into her eyes. I'm like, oh, no, no, no. You. You've come from multiple different planets. She's so quantum, and she's so clear when you look. And I feel the same way about you. But that's the thing. It's. It's hard. It's hard when you're a light worker because you're so sensitive to the human experience. Because we're not really from here.
- [12:56]
C
So I have been so empathetic my whole life. It's been debilitating, like a people pleaser to the nth degree. And I. I have literally, I figured it out until I met Terry Cole, who I loved Harry Cole so much. She changed my life. Because I did not know. I was codependent. I thought I was this very strong woman. Not. I never thought of myself as a woman. I always felt like a little girl, pushing, pushing, pushing to try to find this woman. But I always fel. Felt like I just wasn't enough. I was missing something. I was insecure. People had it more figured out than me. I related to you on all the boys that I always liked. They never liked me back. I was always like, why? What's wrong with me? And I just felt like a. Like a Chihuahua running with all this energy. Just like, I'm cute, I'm awesome. I'm great. You love me. Pick me. Like, let me prove my worth. But I also was doing things I was loving. Like, I was doing awesome. Opportunities were flowing in. I was pursuing my dreams. So in the midst of feeling super insecure, I was also feeling I was pursuing my dreams. So it's like this complex.
- [13:54]
A
Totally. Because, well, you're. The external world was validating to you, and there was a part of you that was like, I'm successful. I'm singing. I'm beautiful. Like, because you. You had said to me in the past in some of our conversations how your beauty, like, being the hot girl was.
- [14:07]
C
That's why being blonde again has been a moment, because it's like I feel it on a different level. But I'm back to being blonde because I'm ready to be seen differently now.
- [14:14]
A
I love that for you. That's your joke.
- [14:16]
C
I was hiding out when I was dark. Yeah, I was hiding out from everything. I was like, I just can't do it for a minute. And I loved being dark. It's beautiful. It's sultry. But then I was like, if I'm going to be seen and do this fucking thing, I got to let myself be seen again.
- [14:30]
A
But we have to go through seasons of that. We can't be out in the light all the time. We. Whether we want to or choose it or we. It choose, chooses, life chooses it. For us, we have to go through these seasons of internal restoration, yoking, solitude, letting it all fall apart, being in the dark. And your hair was a representation of that. But I really appreciated what you were just saying about the world was affirming. I was successful and I was feeling that way. But inside, there was still a lot of insecurity.
- [15:04]
C
I actually didn't feel successful because I was always in a trio or I was always in a duo. So I. I'm a. I'm the younger sister of a super, like, smart, driven, type A, like, get it done older sister. So she kind of always took care of me. And then I have, like, a very, very dad who is, like, super driven. It's like, you wake up and we're playing for the Super Bowl. Like, we're going to be at our highest and best. And he's, like, super. He's an incredible dentist. He has, like, one of the top practices in the world. He's just like, let's. If we're going to do this, we're going to do this, you know? And then I have a mom who's very spiritual, and so, like, I had all these very powerful energies around me, and I kind of just took it all in, and I think I just let everybody lead me. Even though, like, I was on my own journey. Like, I didn't worry about, like, figuring stuff out, like, what I was supposed to do necessarily, because, like, my sister is going to take care of that. My. We had plans, and then so I just followed my passions, and I never felt confident. Like, I never felt like I could do anything like, that I could ultimately take care of myself because I didn't really know how. Like, I was always paired with somebody. I was paired with my family. I was paired with the trio. I was paired with my Amazing Race partner, Jen, who was super confident. I was always paired with, like, alpha personalities. So I kind of just, like, would take a back seat while pursuing my dreams. So I had this kid sister mentality forever. That took me forever to, like, figure out how to step into my woman.
- [16:28]
A
When did you and how did you step into your woman? I think it's just been, like, chipping.
- [16:32]
C
Away at it, like, doing things that scared me when I went on the Amazing Race, like, I had to trust myself in so many different ways because you have these challenges and you can't, like, no. Like, sometimes you have to do it by your. Like, by yourself. Jen was there to help me, but, like, sometimes it was just me, you know, and I had to, like, do it. And you. I just, like, I've just chipped away at it. And then podcast hosting, like, I went. Became a podcast host because I thought everyone had the answers, and I was like, let me go talk to the people about the answers. Wow.
- [16:59]
A
That was your motivation for starting a show?
- [17:00]
C
Yeah, in a way, it was my total motivation.
- [17:03]
A
Wow.
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C
I wanted to know how all these people had figured out life because I did not have it figured out. And so on that I realized I've been talking to some of the most incredible, successful, interesting, just, you know how these podcasts go. Just the people that flow in. I'm like, man, your life is awesome, but, whoa, what a journey. You've been on and ow, that was hard. And oh, my God, the trauma and your mental warfare that you've had to go through and your spiritual awakenings that you found. It's like nobody gets a full deck.
- [17:36]
A
Nobody.
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C
So people present their cards, but, like, the ones that aren't showing, everybody has some bad cards in there.
- [17:44]
A
Absolutely.
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C
So I've learned that now. And now I think just like, from this exploration, I know that. And then running into people like you and becoming friends with you and, like, understanding your journey and you sharing that and confirming what I have been understand, learning on my own. And then you go into these deep explorations and experiences, and it's just like, I think now I have enough evidence within my own life and then with others to confirm. Okay, Caroline, no one has it figured out. You've done some great work. You've cleared some serious debris, and you're on the right track. I know what matters now. I know it makes me feel calm and peaceful and good. I know how not to overextend myself. I know when I am. I can feel. I can regulate myself now.
- [18:25]
A
Wow.
- [18:25]
C
I can feel. I've been recently super triggered by, like, some major events. Like, I have a great friend. Friend's divorcing triggered the out of me. And then, like, I've had just some issues with, like, Sunny, like, friends and, like, her, you know, kids, like, you just run into things. And I've been so triggered, but I'm like, oh, my God, I caught myself. And then I was able to recalibrate and then come back around and create boundaries. And I'm like, okay, yes, the work is working.
- [18:49]
A
The work is working. You have tools. You have new tools. What would you say? I have so many questions for you. What would you say?
- [18:56]
C
I just love to blurt it all out.
- [18:57]
B
No, it's genius.
- [18:58]
A
It's so powerful for people to hear. What would you say is one of your go to tools to regulate yourself?
- [19:06]
C
I think Sunny came into my life to save me. I really believe your daughter. Yes. I do not think I would be personally able just with all of my personal personality ticks and quirks and disbelief in myself. She has made me believe in myself so much because I have to. And, like, she thinks I am the greatest thing in the world. She wants to hang out with me all the time. She says her favorite thing is mommy love. Like, we cuddle all the time. And I'm like, I've just never felt a love like this my entire life. And I feel like I just cannot let her down. And so I will choose the highest and best road every time because I am not going to cut a corner that.
- [19:46]
A
I mean, you're. As you're talking about your daughter, your.
- [19:48]
C
Whole energy shifted from my life experience for this journey. For me, like, I. I can't thank God enough that this. And I've had five miscarriages, so it's like, I have tried to build our family, has tried to get bigger. I know those miscarriages probably had definitely a spiritual meaning, but I'm like, for whatever reason, like, Sunny's the one and chose you. Yeah. And we are like, this is it. We're like. We're like the little three best friends that ever were. And like, our.
- [20:15]
A
This is that you. You're going to have your family of three.
- [20:18]
C
I don't know. I mean, I still am open. And I love that you talk about the womb a lot in this book. Yeah, my womb is open, but I'm like, I don't know if my womb wants it. I don't know. I've tried to be open and, like, I don't know if I'm stopping another baby coming in or, like, if it's just not meant to be. If these are lessons I'm supposed to learn.
- [20:36]
A
Y. Yeah.
- [20:36]
C
If Sunny's supposed to be an only child, I don't have clarity on that.
- [20:39]
A
It's okay if you don't have clarity on that. So, you know, I don't have children. And I had a medium tell me in the last year that I have a spirit daughter. Like, she's right here. She's this close, and I have sovereignty if I choose to bring her into this world or not. And my husband and I are not trying, but we're not not trying. And I've sort of just. Both of us are like, if it's meant to be, it will be. And my medium said something to me that maybe is helpful. She said, if it's not this life, it's going to be another life. There are karmic cycles that you've been in together, and if you don't choose to incarnate her as a daughter in this life, there's going to be more completion in the next life. And it just created a sense of peace for me that if I don't have her in this life, my life will still be just as it's meant to be. Absolutely. You know, and I. I just really felt and listening to you, watching you, like, seeing your eyes well up as you're talking about this love for your daughter. That's the Whole point of this human experience. And I write about that in my new book. And yet I think the biggest journey and I think being a mother exponentially taps you into that. That experience. But the love for ourselves is the real challenge.
- [22:06]
C
Yeah.
- [22:07]
A
And you're what, 42? 40. You're 4. So you hit that milestone. 38. Do you feel like you're at a place where you have that love for yourself?
- [22:17]
C
Yeah. And I do think, honestly, Sunny has been my catalyst because when she was born, I was like, get your together, Caroline. I was like, figure this out. Like, you are going to be guiding her. Her example, and not, like, in a pressure way, but it's like, I don't have time to mess this up. And I know the childhood is the most formative years of their life, and I was just like, I just wanted to not have any regrets on my parenting style. And I feel like I have just. Of course, I have human moments where, like, I've not been perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but, like, I am so thank that I had the awareness and the. Just. I was conscious enough to prioritize my relationship with her from the start and, like, giving it everything I have because it is just. It's the reason I have confidence in myself, because she's truly. I'm like, she loves me so much. I am everything to her. Like, I have to love myself. I have to be confident. I cannot keep being insecure. I cannot keep people pleasing. I cannot keep doubting myself. I cannot keep running around thinking other people have it more figured it out. Like, I have to get a grip on this.
- [23:34]
A
Oh, wow.
- [23:34]
C
And so it's. I feel like I've sped it up since she's been born. I've really gotten done some. Some intense, intense, intense, intense stuff these past few years because I'm like, let's. Let's get. Let's go. And I feel great now. Like, I feel I still have moments, and I have, like, all these waves that rush over me, and I'm super emotional, and I'm a four on the enneagram. Are you. And I'm a. Just a disaster emotionally, naturally.
- [23:58]
A
But it's party. We're all disasters emotionally. Caroline, you just said that everyone's got their cards and. Yeah. And yet I think that owning that is. Is what makes us authentic, is what actually makes us magnetic, which you are, because you're so true to yourself.
- [24:16]
B
And that's really.
- [24:17]
A
I think, when we step into true alignment. This word. You actually shared this word with me. Alignment. It's my favorite Word. One of my favorite words.
- [24:27]
C
You're very aligned.
- [24:28]
A
Thank you. I wasn't aligned for a few very heavy, heavy years. It's what got me deep into burnout, scarcity. It's why I found myself on my knees before that trip to Egypt and like transformed my whole life and died because I was actually at the core of it, out of alignment. And that is so unsustainable.
- [24:48]
C
You were so aware of alignment.
- [24:50]
A
I was. It's funny, that year, 2022, I pull a card at the on the first of every year that kind of becomes my word for the year. And the year 22, I pulled the card alignment. I had a crystal wand on my altar because the symbol of this card in alignment was the wand. And halfway through the year, the wand broke.
- [25:11]
C
Dang.
- [25:12]
A
Huh? It's like the message and the lesson is it's going to show you the polarity I set the intention to be in alignment. That was the year I'd never felt more out of alignment.
- [25:25]
C
So then you're able to feel what alignment is.
- [25:27]
A
Correct.
- [25:27]
C
And that sucks that it works that way.
- [25:29]
A
It does.
- [25:30]
C
It's a real pain in the ass.
- [25:31]
A
It's, it's the human experience. It's.
- [25:33]
C
I real, I, I believe that now to my core. It's like you have to know the duality of it. Both like the darkness and the light. And it sucks when you're in the darkness part of it.
- [25:43]
A
The darker you go though, I believe. And it sometimes feels like a never ending journey. When I'm gonna get the out of this?
- [25:49]
C
Never.
- [25:50]
A
But the light does come. And the deeper you're willing to meet it, the brighter the capacity you have to hold more joy at the, at the end of that tunnel. And you're going to go through many, many tunnels. That's just the cycle.
- [26:02]
C
As soon as you get to the joy break, then it's like my grandmother says, enjoy life's pleasures when you have them. And when you don't, don't mourn because enjoy that sunrise because the darkness will be coming again.
- [26:11]
A
We only have today. Yeah, we only have today. It's true. What is your philosophy on that word alignment?
- [26:18]
C
I can feel it. Mine is now a deep feeling. Like I, it starts in my gut when I feel like a nervous energy in my stomach. Like nervous can be good. Like I was like even nervous coming over here. I was like, but excited nervous because.
- [26:31]
A
I'm like, oh, we're have a great conversation.
- [26:32]
C
I can't wait. But I get like a sickening feeling in my stomach. I get a Sickening feeling in my stomach when it's like when I'm scared. Not scared but like it's not safe energy not. And I'm not saying like I'm going to be murdered or something but like it's not good for me. Like I get like my 10. I get like heightened senses. Like, like get out of here in the body.
- [26:54]
A
Yes.
- [26:55]
C
And you talk about that, which is so true. And we just beat our bodies up so terribly but our bodies are just giving us the answers all the time. I speak to myself all the time in yoga. Like that's where I do my best work. I have literally my body has full blown conversations with me in yoga. Like it tells me where it needs to stretch, where I need to hold like stored memories will pop up and I will just like from high school or like earlier and I'll just, I'm like, okay, where are we going today on the journey? When I go into yoga and I just constantly and just crying in yoga, I let it out. I just like as soon as I hit a block, I release it. So yoga helps me feel aligned like actually physically in my body and I know where my sore spots are, my pain spots and I just like give love to that. And then also when I feel heavy, when I get like a really heavy feeling and something like I know I love to do hard things that take lots of energy physically, mentally. You're on the Amazing Race girl and I love that. But when something feels like heavy, like I can't move my body into it. It's just like resistance.
- [27:58]
A
Yes.
- [27:59]
C
I cannot make the pieces fit. I cannot pick that, make this picture go together. This relationship or this thing I'm trying to make happen for a career move or whatever, it's just not piecing together. I can't get it to work. Work. Then I'm just like, I just need to let that be. Like leave that alone.
- [28:16]
A
That's beautiful. You mentioned earlier that you feel like you were the kid sister forever and what do you feel like you are now?
- [28:25]
C
I'm just my like my dog Sugar. I feel like she was a rescue. She had a lot of like things that she, she was really scared of men. She had a lot of like weird personality quirks that like she didn't need to have because she was living in a safe environment. But she just had them. And now over time they've just smoothed out and now she's just in her area. She's in her space. She doesn't defense, she doesn't need a leash. She knows where her, she knows where she needs to radiate. She protects her ground, but she also stands back. She's not scared of anyone, but she's cautiously, you know, aware. She loves her people deeply. She knows how to be comfortable, she knows how to be active. She knows how to do her work. Work. She's just like living her existence. And I feel like that so good. I love that you broken.
- [29:15]
A
I love that you have a dog named Sugar and that she just came.
- [29:17]
C
Into the space, that she's not trying to be anything.
- [29:21]
A
Right.
- [29:21]
C
She's not trying to impress anybody. But she's beautiful, she's healthy, she's strong, she's in flow, but she's not trying to. She doesn't care if anyone ever notices, you know, she's just doing it.
- [29:31]
B
Can I reflect?
- [29:32]
A
Why? I believe your dog had that transformation. Why? It's simple. Because she found safety and she still.
- [29:40]
C
Has her scars for sure.
- [29:41]
A
It doesn't mean we're gonna feel a thousand percent and they can activate. But I love that as a metaphor because safety. I talk about safety in the body throughout my whole book. I, I am practicing safety in my own body. What you were just saying about your yoga class and how you really talk to your body, you've created a real right relationship with your body. And the 30, you know, 30 year old Caroline, the 20 years there wasn't safety in her system.
- [30:11]
C
She was, she. I loved that my body, but I needed it to look a certain way.
- [30:15]
A
Exactly.
- [30:16]
C
I needed it if it, if it was cold. I wasn't putting on a jacket. I was popping up those boobs, putting on a short skirt and trying to like turn heads on music row. Even though I didn't like that attention, but I just needed it.
- [30:26]
A
Right? There was a sense of, I believe, safety in yourself you were seeking outside of yourself.
- [30:31]
C
I need people to validate me.
- [30:32]
A
Correct. And just like a dog needs people to love it in order for it to feel safe as well. And that is really the foundational baseline, I believe, of how we get into alignment because we're, we're safe in our bodies. I believe it's a joyful experience to be in the human body. We hate our bodies, we criticize our bodies. We put our bodies in clothes that aren't comfortable. We starve our bodies, we judge our bodies, we put things in our bodies we don't understand from maybe doctors who don't understand us at all. And this, I, this, this idea of safety is something that is relatively, frankly, new for me in these last couple of years. I wasn't until I hit about 40 as well that I had that unlock. My nervous system started to settle. And I just love that you brought up your dog because it's such a profound. She was abused. Yeah, we're. We're abused by life.
- [31:23]
C
You can't help it. You. This life is like trial and error.
- [31:27]
A
Absolutely.
- [31:27]
C
With no instruction book. And so thankfully, people are writing books like you. But it's like you just have to go figure it out and you have to feel your way into it because everyone has a different operating system and we all need different things, and we're all motivated differently. And there's all these things happening at one time.
- [31:45]
A
Exactly.
- [31:45]
C
And you don't understand any of it. It's like system overload from the start. And then you're just born into family who do the best they can, but nobody knows exactly what you need except for you. And that takes forever to figure it out because you keep trying to find it through other people. And finally you're like, all these people help. But then you finally realize, okay, that's not a match for me. That's not a match for me. That is a match for me. It's just like figuring out this puzzle forever and finally get enough pieces. And you're like, okay, this is what I like. This is what I don't like. And you can start building your picture then. But it takes forever to get the pieces.
- [32:19]
A
Let's go back to dogs for a second. I want to just click into what you just expressed. So dog is God spelled backwards.
- [32:27]
C
I see that big time.
- [32:29]
A
Yep. And dogs have a very short lifespan.
- [32:32]
C
Right.
- [32:32]
A
We don't. It's. We sign up for heartbreak when we get a dog because we know we're going to outlive it. They're here for 8, 9, 10, 15 years. Somewhere in between, if we're lucky. And the reason I believe this is my personal philosophy as to why dogs are only here for such a micro moment is because they come into this experience on this planet knowing the whole point, which is unconditional love.
- [32:55]
C
They know the whole point.
- [32:56]
A
They don't need to be her 80, 90 years to figure it out.
- [33:00]
C
They already know.
- [33:00]
A
They already know. And they. They come in to teach us and to show us that. And so what you were just saying, in my view, while it's brutal and it can be challenging and it sucks, the 80 to 90 year if we're lucky quest makes me really excited to be alive. The deeper I can go into the pain and the trauma, it's.
- [33:26]
C
And how. Look how far you've come at 42.
- [33:28]
A
42.
- [33:29]
C
Look at all the work you've done, and you've done the hard work. So now it's like. Now it's time for the light work.
- [33:37]
A
From your lips to God's ears, Caroline. Exactly right.
- [33:39]
C
I feel that for you and I feel that for me. It's not that we're not going to have hard work again, but, like, you have cleared the hard, hard, muddy, cement block trauma from your childhood that, like, you don't even know what's happening. You have to go back and, like, unearth the whole thing.
- [33:56]
A
Yeah.
- [33:56]
C
You know, but, like, yet I still.
- [33:58]
A
Sweat the small stuff. I still have, like, Alexa knows. I. I woke up yesterday morning. There was a. A blip in my recent podcast because it was an old podcast from the Simply Be show. And there was a clip that said, welcome to the Simply Be podcast. Because my team had missed it and I freaked out and I was like, very upset for, like 15 minutes and had to regulate myself. And I was like, good job regulating.
- [34:19]
B
Thank you.
- [34:20]
A
But I had to go through it. I had to feel it, and maybe I would.
- [34:23]
C
What upset you? What was. What did that do? What did that trigger it activate. My therapist says don't say trigger. Say activate activate.
- [34:29]
A
It activated A lack of. I'm a perfectionist.
- [34:33]
C
It wasn't perfect.
- [34:34]
A
It wasn't perfect. A sense of control. Like, I'm a. I am very much a Virgo rising, like, control type A control freak. I had a bit of shame and embarrassment if somebody listens to it.
- [34:46]
C
People.
- [34:46]
A
It had gone up at 7am Hundreds of people had listened to it by 9, at least. And I was like, this just looks so amateur. And I did that. Here's what it really brought up in me. Oh, I'm so glad you asked this question. I was like, that part of me is so dead and done.
- [35:01]
C
You're trying to get rid of it. You're trying to tear it up in a. In a sheet of paper.
- [35:06]
A
You did read my book.
- [35:07]
C
Yeah, but you maybe need to hang on to that a little bit. That am amateur ain't so bad.
- [35:11]
A
I know. Thank you.
- [35:11]
C
She's what got you everywhere.
- [35:12]
A
I and I had a whole podcast about hosting her funeral. And my point is maybe she don't.
- [35:16]
C
Need to die all the way.
- [35:18]
A
She's my angel now. Okay. And I just think life is so not a straight line and that we have to literally learn the same lessons over and over and over and over again.
- [35:27]
C
It's for so many times if we.
- [35:30]
A
Meet it and we're do the work. Like, there's a whole new self awareness. My. My spiritual coach said to me, and I'll reflect this to you. She said, you have a new spiritual address now. Jessica, like, the way you would have handled X situation two years ago, a year ago, is completely different than how you're handling it now. It doesn't make it less painful. And that's what I see your journey manifesting into as well. Like, you have so many new tools and so much self awareness because you're doing the work as much as anybody.
- [36:03]
C
Do you know what my number one go to is?
- [36:06]
A
Tell me.
- [36:06]
C
I now know what feels good in my body. And because I have Sunny now, who has literally become like my entire North Star, I know now that, okay, this is good. See, we're having a little breakthroughs too. Like, I am going to be with sunny 24 hours of the day, unless one of those hours of the day is beneficial to me, my family, or to her. So, like, it's like I have a 24 hour bank every day. And, like, they're all going to Sunny in my mind because she's like every. I want to put all my energy into her. And so. And I know, like, this is not how most parents are. I'm like, definitely Sunny and I have a very, very, very, like, intense relationship. But it's like, it's what I wanted and it's what she wants. And so we must have picked this. We must have needed this. But if I'm gonna not be with her, then what I'm doing has to be adding value to my life, to Michael's life, Sunny's life, to my family's life, or to, like, the collective as well. And so, like, I know, like, if it's. It's a no, it's always a no. The answer is always no. Unless it's going to be adding value.
- [37:16]
A
In one of those areas that is a beautiful baseline.
- [37:19]
C
And then if I'm doing something and I don't feel in alignment with it, it makes me feel. I get a hot head mix. Activate. Activates my, like, parts of my personality that I don't want to activate. Like trying to run on the hamster wheel and trying to be in the scene and trying to be everything to everybody and trying to spread myself too thin and trying to push something so I can have a career move. So I'm like, if I feel anything that causes me that, like, weird resistance or it makes me feel, like, uneasy, or it amps me up in a way that's not healthy, Then I need to step away from it. And also, it's like, I like, with alignment, if I'm doing everything I can to the very best of my ability, if I'm waking up and choosing things that are only for my highest and best self, and I'm, like, really, really intentional about every decision I make and every reaction I make, and when I like, it activated, if I come back around, you know, if I'm doing the very best I can, and if I'm working with people who were, like, brought into my life and, like, flowed into my life and we're all doing the best that we can, then if something goes wrong, it's totally okay with me because I'm like, that was supposed to go wrong because we all are doing the best we can, and I'm doing the best I can, and I'm making the best choices I can. So, like, if that went wrong, there's no way it could have gone right because I woke up and did everything the best that I knew how at this moment. So I'm fine with it.
- [38:40]
A
That's not only being in alignment with yourself, that's being in integrity with yourself.
- [38:44]
C
And that's just showing up. And, yeah, if you show up as the best you can in every area, all the time.
- [38:49]
A
All the time.
- [38:49]
C
And of course you're gonna mess up, but, like, when you mess up, you. Well, you course.
- [38:52]
A
Correct. Correct.
- [38:53]
C
You know, then it's like, if I'm doing that all the time, then I'm totally okay with whatever happens, and I have no desire. I don't even know how to push my career forward. I'm like, God, you've done so much work on me. Like, you have to want to use me for something. I'm wide open, so just make it happen.
- [39:09]
A
Well, let's talk about what that could be when it comes to.
- [39:13]
C
I don't know.
- [39:13]
A
Well, let's. I want to use your hair as a metaph because you. You and I went brown around the same time. You're super blonde, and you said when you walked in here, you're like, I'm really scared. I'm being. I'm being seen. You're a different Caroline than you were years ago. When. Before you switched it.
- [39:32]
B
Why are you.
- [39:33]
A
What are you afraid of being seen as right now? Because you. You really feel super integrated.
- [39:40]
C
Okay, I'll tell you. The first. Blonde, brunette, blonde, journey, blonde, brown, blonde. The way it went. I was blonde my whole life. I was born blonde. It's crazy that hair color is such a thing. I'm Just gonna tell you what I'm, what it all meant to me and what I'm trying to do with it. I was blonde my whole life. I grew up blonde. Being beautiful was like a. Just kind of like a thing. Like I was born naturally beautiful. Like I'm just gonna claim that now my 40 year old self. I always struggled with that because I kind of felt guilty about it. But yet because I was always known for being beautiful.
- [40:13]
A
Yeah, people reflected back to you constantly so that became your value.
- [40:16]
C
I was like, it was like a thing. It's like she's so beautiful and like people are hearing this like, oh my God, cry me a river. I'm not doing it to say that it has been something that I have just always been dubbed as beautiful. But I haven't necessarily felt beautiful, you know, like I had maybe a beautiful appearance and but like I have felt so lost and confused and insecure and I don't know who I am and this kid's sister and like leaning on everyone else and like trying to make everyone happ happy and like. But I knew that beauty was a thing. So I never like felt connected to it fully. It was a tool that I knew how to use and I learned how to use it as a tool very well. You know, like I learned that beauty is a tool and it can get you places and like it. And I was not never a bad person, but I used it as a tool in my teens and in my 20s and into my 30s is when I start switching it. So beauty is like, okay, you need to be the most beautiful that you can be. Because then I was trying to be in the entertainment industry and you need to be, that's a whole other really beautiful. Like you have to use everything you can to stand out. And being looking physically beautiful, like having a look was it's like important. That goes a long way. It really does. At least when I was doing it back in the day, like, no, that's the teen.
- [41:32]
A
It's the industry. It's evolved a little, but it's always been that way. It's part of the paradigm here. Hair in general.
- [41:38]
C
And so blonde really worked. I've always had like super long blonde hair, which is striking. You know, you see someone with like long blonde hair physically looking pretty and it's like you're gonna notice that person at least look at them, you know.
- [41:52]
A
Totally.
- [41:53]
C
And so that's always been me. I've always just been noticed and looked at for this physical appearance, but I haven't felt that inside at all. Like, a lot of times I feel like a guy. Like, I'll look in the mirror and I'm like. I feel like I'm a boy. Like a tomboy. Like, I feel I have, like, masculine energy sometime. Not. Not. I'm not. Like, I'm not. Never been interested in same sex or anything like that, but I just feel very. Like, I'm not dainty. I'm not like, this dainty little feminine thing who needs to be saved. Like, I am very much like, a fiery, passionate.
- [42:23]
A
Yeah.
- [42:23]
C
But my power has not been controlled.
- [42:25]
A
For a long time, and it hasn't been integrated. Like, the external appearance of what you were using your power for, and you were doing it consciously, didn't feel totally in alignment with how you felt internally.
- [42:35]
C
Terry. I'm trying to be this beautiful blonde woman that turns men's head and I guess women's, but men' they were running the industry, but yet I'm not this, like, dainty little flower who just wants to be in a submissive relationship. Like, that's not me. But yet that's kind of the image I'm putting out there, maybe in a way that I. You know, it's like, very.
- [42:53]
A
The projection. Yeah.
- [42:54]
C
Yeah. So, like, I started to have a real identity crisis being this blonde person because I got older, and I didn't want to just be known for the way I looked when I didn't match the way it felt. And then by this point, I've gotten married, and then I had Sunny, and then we. And then I was like, oh, I do not want her to inherit this from me, you know, and to think that, like, you have to be this physical being that needs to turn everyone's head and needs to be the certain look of beauty so people like you. Because that's kind of what I was doing it for at that time. I didn't really know why, but I like the way I look being blonde, but I just wasn't feeling comfortable in my skin at all being blonde because it wasn't matching. And so then, like, Michael's dad passed away, we just had a lot of the. I've had a lot of dark nights of the soul. I don't know if I'm. I don't really even fully know what that means, but I have just had a lot of moments that have taken me to my knees, one thing after the other after the other after the other. It was like. I've also read about, like, Tower Effect, when things, like, all fall at once.
- [43:57]
A
Oh, I've been there.
- [43:58]
C
There. It's so then it's like you're supposed to completely rebuild, but, like, man, everything just fell apart. Besides, like, Sunny. Our relationship with Sunny and our, like, family was great, but, like, everything else around it was just falling and, like, everything was changing and restructuring and people that have been huge parts of our life, where they're dying or leaving or. It was just a lot. And I just felt completely bogged down underwater in the mud. Like, I didn't even know how to get up. Up from any of it. Everything felt very heavy. I didn't feel like I could really move much physically. I didn't feel like I could do many things, like, physically, like, I just needed to be in our little house. And, like, I knew this house that we moved into was going to be a sanctuary and heal us. And we wrote all over the walls, like, healing blessings and things. But I just knew this house was going to be a sanctuary. And we have done so, Michael and I. And Sunny has thrived. Michael and I have done so much healing in this house, and I'm just like, oh, my God. It took, like, three years, and I was not in the mood to be seen. I was not in the mood to be seen, to be on the scene, to be noticed, to be talked about, to be in people's conversations. I wanted to just fly under the radar. I did not want to be at anyone's focal point because I was like, I don't even know how the I'm going to get out of this mud, and I can't be talking to people about stuff. I mean, I was doing my podcast and I was getting good information because I was, of course, doing my research for how to survive life through these.
- [45:27]
A
Conversations, like you said.
- [45:29]
C
But I was just like, I am not in a place to be a voice, a loud voice to be noticed right now.
- [45:36]
A
And that's when you dyed your hair brown.
- [45:37]
C
I didn't even know I was doing it. It was all subconscious. I did it in one day. I cut it and died it all on the same day. It was like I woke up and I was interviewing a hair stylist, and I was like, please bring your scissors because we're going to cut our hair after the podcast. And he cut off, like. Like 10 inches. And then the next day, I died at brown.
- [45:52]
A
And you just felt.
- [45:53]
C
Didn't know why, just did it. It was like, my body. That's what happens to me. I get overtaken by these impulses, like, I have nothing, nothing, nothing surge. And then I can't. I just do it. Whatever the surge is. I just do what it says.
- [46:03]
A
To me, that surge is called spirit.
- [46:05]
C
Yeah.
- [46:06]
A
It's coming through you and you listen always. It's amazing.
- [46:09]
C
Well, what takes me down, I have tried not to listen before and it's taken me down.
- [46:12]
A
That's what happens when you don't listen. Yeah.
- [46:13]
C
So now when I hear it, hopefully, I think now I've rounded the edges a little bit, so now I don't have to get the huge hit. I can just, like, feel it right away.
- [46:20]
A
Make the extreme choice is like chopping your hab and dying it Brown in 24 hours. However, that was a necessary thing. And I. I know that I saw you in the last few years when you were darker. And.
- [46:31]
C
Not that there's nothing wrong with dark hair. People with dark hair are beautiful, but it just wasn't my go to comfort zone. I'm not. I felt like a new, different person.
- [46:39]
A
I understand. So here you are now, blonde. What made you die back?
- [46:44]
C
So now I'm ready to be seen again. And I don't know why, but I just. I just am okay with people noticing my beauty again.
- [46:53]
A
Wow.
- [46:54]
C
But it's not so they can wanna have sex with me or think I'm like, the hottest thing in the world. It's. I'm just okay with people feeling my.
- [47:03]
A
Big fight, which is your inner beauty.
- [47:07]
C
But I've been really afraid of it. Like, I use my beauty for, like, attention to be validated in my ego before and. And heal those ones. But now I'm like, I have to use this light to be, like, a force. And I don't know how.
- [47:21]
A
You don't have to know how, babe. There's no, like, roadmap manual in the glove box. But you're driving the car now.
- [47:27]
C
Like, I know. I feel it. And people can hear this and be like, what is wrong with this girl? She is, like, cocky or confident. I am not.
- [47:34]
A
No one's gonna think that. And if they do, that's their projection.
- [47:37]
C
Frankly, I know when I walk in, I am seen now. And like, like, that's. And I know it's like a big ripple. And it's like, I just. I know that about myself and I haven't had it. It hasn't been in the right energy spot. And I'm not saying I'm fully there now, but now I'm like, I know I'm healed enough that I'm only doing what I'm trying to do for my soul. And I don't know exactly what that is, but now I'm Like, I guess I'm like, that's why I might pop a bill. I'm like, I'm gonna go. I told him this when I found that little deer with a broken foot. I said, said, okay, I'll go all the way into this thing, but you have to keep me safe and you have to protect me because I'm scared of people. I'm scared of all the dark energy. But I'm like, if I raise my energy enough, if I stay in it enough, I'm not going to be in the dark energy, not going to be in the. Because I can attract weird energy to me, like scary energy. Like, I can get freaked out by people. And I'm like, I'm. And I'm. I got scared that Sunny was going to be seen, that I was going to be seeing, that weirdos were going to come around and like, try to like, like kill me. Wow.
- [48:35]
A
Yeah.
- [48:35]
C
I don't know if I, like, died, had terrible.
- [48:38]
A
That might be some past life stuff.
- [48:39]
C
But I'm like, I'm just scared if I get too seen that people are going to want to harm me.
- [48:43]
A
I feel like that's a. Probably an undercurrent fear a lot of people have. And you are so clear and have articulated it. And at the same time, you stepping, you naming it has given, I think, power for you to step back in because you know that that's your own wounding. And this, the story of the blonde Caroline from the 20s and the 30s wasn't integrated. And there was a lot of wounding and insecurity around the beauty. Even though it was a power, it's.
- [49:16]
C
Very uncomfortable with it.
- [49:17]
A
Exactly.
- [49:18]
C
And not know how to steward it.
- [49:19]
A
And now you. It's not even about the external because you've. You've done your work, you've done a lot of light work because you've gone into the dark. And your dark hair was simply just a metaphor for that. And now you're stepping into the light.
- [49:35]
C
It's like I flipped on the switch and I'm like, hi, everybody. Here I am. You can see me. And I'm like.
- [49:40]
A
But it's exactly. It doesn't make it any easier.
- [49:43]
C
I don't want. I don't really. I mean, I guess I do want to do this because I can't live this life and not keep pursuing higher things. But I'm like, oh, God. I just like dealing with. With people. I just can't let my fear get the best of me.
- [49:56]
A
Do you know that quote by Marianne Williamson, I'm going to Botch it. But it's her most iconic quote, is that our greatest fear is that is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. And just because we can own that power doesn't mean we still don't have fears that we are inadequate. But we get to make that choice. And I think that there is a higher calling in your life. I love the story of your grandfather. I mean, you are got. You were being guided and the world needs you and your light as you are. And the more willing you were to go into the dark, which you've done, is deeper service to the world. That's why I say that in my book. It's like so underestimated how needed we are.
- [50:37]
C
I get that now. I finally think I feel the responsibility of it.
- [50:40]
A
Thank you. Great. Because you have a bigger.
- [50:42]
C
I didn't feel. I was just kind of like the kid sister skating by. I'm like, I had all these feelings of like, like reaching for higher callings and bigger messages and like, always wanted to learn more about the spiritual world. I've always been spiritually motivated, super empathetic. All that, like, I didn't really like, but now I'm like, oh, God, we really have to do this. Like, we have to, like, we have to do this.
- [51:03]
A
Yeah. That's called no more spiritual bypass.
- [51:06]
C
Yeah, like, gotta go in. We have to do this because, like, the world is in spiritual warfare.
- [51:11]
A
Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
- [51:14]
C
How do you do it? It's so much. And like this book, you, like, are naked in here. You just like are standing in front of the world with your beautiful bare ass body saying, here it all is. Like, that is really nerve wracking.
- [51:30]
A
Can I thank you for saying that? I have been with that book on my computer for a year and a half. It's now manifested into a physical copy. You have an advanced reader copy? They sent me one and I started reading it last week. When I got it, I was like, oh, fun.
- [51:47]
C
I'll read my book. Start hyperventilating. I can't believe I did this.
- [51:51]
A
My heart is racing reading this book. Like I am.
- [51:54]
C
You're just sharing it out, but you're spelling it out so conversationally, like, matter of factly.
- [51:59]
A
Thank you.
- [51:59]
C
In your truth. But then it's like, here's your truth now.
- [52:02]
A
Going to the world naked is the word. That's. I'm gonna use that as I describe this feeling. And, and I appreciate that reflection, but you've been very naked today on this conversation. You. I feel like you're rather naked in your own podcast and in your life. You're so authentic and willing to be seen. And we have to be. That's that responsibility to ourselves as much as the world because we really do unlock what's possible in other people. Like, I got a very clear message from Spirit. I was reading this book and hopefully I offer this to you as, as wisdom. I was, my heart was racing, I was hyperventilating. I was in all this fear. I'm like, I cannot believe that I put my own story out there like this. And I got a message from Spirit and it's. And they, and they said, I think it's a chorus of Pleadians. This has nothing to do with you. This isn't about you at all.
- [52:53]
C
You're the vessel. You cleared your vessel out enough so they could give you the message.
- [52:56]
A
And now get out of the way. That's what they're saying now.
- [53:00]
C
That's a relief. It helped for sure. Are you getting messages all the time?
- [53:08]
A
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm pretty, I'm pretty clear audience if I drop in enough. I mean, I, I went to acupuncture last week to help instigate my period because I'm a couple weeks late and not pregnant. I've taken five pregnancy tests, you know, for my audience to know. Now my, I've had a lot of stress with the move. Like just life in the last six to eight weeks knocked my period off course and it's the first time it's happened and I'm just in it right now. So I went to acupuncture to like instigate my period and still hasn't come. And I literally. The guy put all the needles in. He left the room. No, this, this spirit guide came in full on. Had a full on visitation from a spirit guide in this acupuncture session. We had a full on conversation. I kept asking her her name. She kept saying, just call me your partner. She was a black woman with like a massive afro and these flowing lilac robes. And the flow of the robes was like the frequency and the energy she was trying to give me. And I said to her, you know, why haven't I released it? And she's like, because you're still in this masculine vibration of gripping. And she kind of touched me and my whole body soaked into this feminine frequency and it was so powerful and soft at the same time. And then I underneath this beautiful vibration, I could still feel this anxiety. And I said, can you take this from me? She said, you. I'LL take it from you, but you have to learn how to give it to me. And I had such a hard time releasing it. And she. She said, you. You get some sort of pleasure in this. This is comfortable for you. You. There's like an existential kink. You get off on having anxiety. Be at such a baseline. And it was. It was one of the most. It was like a journey medicine, but it was on acupuncture.
- [55:01]
C
I know. I'm so envious that you're getting on these journeys now. You've. You've enlightened yourself so much. They're coming in. Do the journey.
- [55:07]
A
I'm so open. But you're practicing that, too. This, the fact that the redbird showed up in the middle of this conversation.
- [55:14]
C
My grandfather, this. This has been the most connected. I felt like I'm actually communicating constantly, and I can. And I. For me, it's clicking in my head that, like, okay, my grandfather, I know how to look for his signs so I can see him.
- [55:26]
A
And that's it. Like, it's signs, it's conversations that sometimes you'll have a dream about somebody.
- [55:30]
C
He came to me after he died. He came to me in a dream, and he spilled everything out to me about life. He said, I'll tell you what he said. He said, this life is not it. He's like, you go to another one right after this, and when you get to this next realm after this, you have to go through your. And this is why doing journeys and, like, healing yourself is so important on this earth, because, like, you have to heal your life experience that you have here. So when you get to the next level, you see your whole life play out like a movie. Like, it starts at the very beginning. You go through every single scene, every single moment that's ever happened, and you have to karmically make it all right.
- [56:02]
A
Right.
- [56:02]
C
You have to go through and you have to see the whole thing, and you have to, like, alchemize your whole life experience to being net pure positive or whatever, you know? So it's like you have to relive it all anyway. You're not getting away with anything you do in this life. Like, you will have to see it all play back and, like, alchemize it.
- [56:21]
A
That actually is one of the questions I had for you, which was fill in the blank. For me, the point of life is.
- [56:29]
C
The point of life is to be in alignment so you can feel, calm, enjoy, and receive what you're actually supposed to receive. And you just have to, like, clear the noise. So then you can actually walk your walk. But it's. You have to figure out how to clear all that noise and have practices so you can stay in alignment so you can receive this magical journey that you're supposed to have. Like, I really. What you're saying in the book, how the Plagueians spoke to you, like, jessica, this life is meant for joy, meant to be lived. And I'm like, I finally can feel that, that it is meant. And it's. This is why Sunny is, for me, my greatest teacher. Like, I know what love and joy feels like because of her only. Like, I have felt love before, but, like, I have never felt this. And so, like, I now know that, like, I have to be in that love and joy all the time. And so whatever I have to do to get there, to stay there, that's it. That's the point. And, like. And to make sure she's there.
- [57:29]
A
Yeah.
- [57:29]
C
And Michael's there.
- [57:31]
A
She's your legacy.
- [57:31]
C
And I got it. And I told my mom this the other day. I told my mom, I was like, mom, she had a crazy childhood growing up, and, like, you know, just a lot going on in her life, and she's had some traumas. And I was like, mom, you did not pass down any of your traumas to me. It's like. Because I know what her traumas are. And, like, she did not pass down any of those. And I was like, thank you, you so much for. I mean, of course I have other traumas that I got, but, like, the ones that affected her, she so intentionally flipped and changed within herself and healed within herself, even though she didn't even know she was doing it. She innately did that. And she was such a great mom to not put her stuff on me. And I was like, you did not pass that down to me. And I've had to work on my own stuff. But I was like, maybe, just maybe Sunny won't have to clear as much as we've had to. Yeah, maybe she can start off, like, at a way better baseline.
- [58:22]
A
She probably is my. First of all, your mom is a light worker. I told you that at the beginning. Light workers are circuit breakers of generational trauma. And when my medium told me that I have a spirit daughter and whether I choose to incarnate her or not, she said, she has cleared so much karma, this child, and is choosing you because you've cleared so much of yours. And she wants to come. And my husband has done a ton of work.
- [58:50]
C
You, if you do have a kid, this kid is Going to be one heightened being.
- [58:54]
A
I already know what her name is.
- [58:55]
C
What?
- [58:55]
A
I can't tell you. Okay, I'll tell you offline. I'll tell you. I don't tell the world. Okay. I wanna, I wanna, I feel this for you.
- [59:02]
C
Not that, like, I agree it is your choice, but I just feel. Not that you're not mothering the whole world, world, like, because you are. You are sharing infinite motherly woman, divine wisdom, which is needed. But I also feel that if you did become a mom, if that was your life, I just feel like it would be. You'd be blessed beyond measure, and so was your child. Well. And you have such a legacy to pass on. Not who's to know what this kid will do, but, like, she would be so just next level. The world needs her with a mom like you guiding her.
- [59:38]
A
I receive that. Thank you. I want to ask you a few final questions. This was so beautiful. They're quickfire questions.
- [59:46]
C
Okay.
- [59:46]
A
All right. I love these. Okay. What is your favorite spiritual book?
- [59:50]
C
Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. Private Chopra.
- [59:54]
A
Good one.
- [59:55]
C
It's kind of the top level, but I, I, it hits me every time. I love, I love flipping through the secret and the power. Like, I, I, I love those. And I love. If I, if I need, if I need a spiritual bump, I'm gonna. It's not a book. I mean it. She has books. I'm gonna go listen to Abraham Hicks.
- [60:14]
A
That was gonna be my second question. Who's your favorite spiritual teacher?
- [60:17]
C
If I need or if I need, I know she's telling the truth. Like, I, for me, like, when she speaks, I believe everything she's channeling.
- [60:25]
A
Yes.
- [60:26]
C
It hits me perfectly. It's always right for me. It's always from a higher place for me. It's like, it does something to me that, like, I just know she's it for me.
- [60:36]
A
That's how I feel about the Palladians.
- [60:37]
C
Okay.
- [60:38]
A
Like, you just have those teachers, those voices that everything rings true.
- [60:41]
C
Yes. The way she explains everything in your body, that feels very hard. And having she explains it also, it all comes back to enjoying this life and being in love with this life.
- [60:52]
A
That's the, that's the truth. That's the whole game.
- [60:55]
C
Make it so hard. It's impo. It's like, so hard because humans are just a mess because we have no rule book and we're all just figuring out, and we have all these things to play with. Ego, power, sexuality. Like, there's so many big things you can, like, play with and get into that are Exciting. That really will your life. That are.
- [61:11]
A
That have a very dark and shadowy side to them.
- [61:13]
C
You have to learn how to, like, dance with them. And it's like, this is just a. You have to live to, like, learn these things. You have to, like, feel it.
- [61:23]
A
Yeah. And you have to come online. You have to awaken to your own responsibility in it all.
- [61:28]
C
And that's why it's gonna be messy. You're gonna bump into stuff. You're gonna. But you gotta take inventory constantly.
- [61:33]
A
Yeah.
- [61:33]
C
I mean, it's a lot.
- [61:34]
A
I know.
- [61:35]
C
But if you don't do it, you're gonna have a really hard human experience.
- [61:39]
A
I'm here for it. I really am.
- [61:41]
C
Me too.
- [61:41]
A
I mean, you're. You're not at the back of the book yet, but I have this whole chapter on Gaia, the planet it, which I think is one of my favorite chapters. And for the longest time, because I'm so connected to wherever Abraham and the Pleiadians, they all come from, I'm like, let me get out of here. Let me ascend. Let me talk. Let me meditate. Let me do a plant medicine journey. Let me watch something that, like, gets me out of my body and into spirit. And I have a very amazing teacher who showed me just how magic nificent it is to actually be here.
- [62:11]
C
I love that you say that, because I want to get out of here too. I'm like, yeah, the whole human realm. Not in, like, a dark way. No, Just like, I'm like, this is hard.
- [62:18]
A
It's brutal, but it's also beautiful.
- [62:20]
C
I love it. You've actually kind of lit me up to that. Like, it's a gift to be in this human body. We need to enjoy this human body. Like, it's.
- [62:28]
A
It's a temple.
- [62:29]
C
Like, it takes so much energy probably, to be a human, to incarnate into being a human.
- [62:33]
A
We. We're so blessed. It's. It is sacred technology. Okay, you might have already answered this already, but do you have a favorite spirit guide, angel, ancestor, goddess, archetype that you love to work with or.
- [62:47]
C
I always wanted one to come to me. I'm always like, spirit guides, please come talk to me. Make it clear. Like, be verbal. Like, show up in the physical form however you want. Like, be here. I'm ready for you. No one has ever. Like, I've never felt like this. Oh, this person. And I'm probably not fully open. I need to work on that.
- [63:05]
A
You're pretty open, Caroline.
- [63:06]
C
But channeling and things, like, I want to be a channel. Like, I would love to. And so, like, this thing with my grandfather is the first time that I felt like, actually, okay, he came to me in a dream.
- [63:16]
A
Yes.
- [63:17]
C
And it was so vivid. And then he just brought this little baby deer. That was such a sign to me. And then all I'm like, okay, maybe he's really doing it. Maybe we're talking.
- [63:26]
A
You are. You are very wide awake and very open, and you channel in everything you do. I believe your podcast, the way you show up in the world because you're just so authentic and you don't have to try.
- [63:39]
C
But I want all this verse to talk to me all the time. I feel so much more confident.
- [63:43]
A
Just ask.
- [63:44]
C
Okay? Can we do it?
- [63:45]
A
Yes, absolutely. So one thing that I've learned is that they. They. They need to be invited.
- [63:50]
C
Okay. I want to invite them big time.
- [63:52]
A
Okay.
- [63:53]
C
I want them all.
- [63:54]
A
So all we have to do is get a little quiet. And we can say this in our minds or we can say it out loud.
- [64:00]
C
Say it out loud.
- [64:00]
A
Okay. So I'm asking my angels, my spirit guides, my spirit team.
- [64:07]
C
I'm asking my angels and my spirit team. I'm just gonna act like we're getting married.
- [64:12]
A
I'm repeating vows to come into my field.
- [64:15]
C
To come into my field.
- [64:17]
A
To connect into my heart.
- [64:19]
C
To connect into my heart.
- [64:21]
A
And to show me. And to show me what I need to know. What I need to know, where I need to go.
- [64:29]
C
Where I need to go, what I need to say, what I need to say.
- [64:33]
A
And to whom.
- [64:34]
C
And to whom.
- [64:36]
A
And we thank them and we thank you so much.
- [64:40]
C
But seriously, can you light it up for me?
- [64:43]
A
They got the message. They know their assignment, and your job is to just get out of the way. Get out of the way.
- [64:50]
C
Even with these podcast interviews I'm doing these days, I'm like, please, please, please. Just, like, enter my brain and make them come out the way it needs to come out. Because, like, I. That's another reason why I'm ready to shine now and be seen, is because I feel like I have something to show they need. I'm like, you can see me now because I'm going to tell you where you need to go. Look, just, like, listen to these conversations, talk to hear these books. Like, do this. Like, I'm just going to, like, be like, here, here. Like, I just want to guide you there, But I don't even know the answers. I'm not like, this, like, deep in tune spiritual guide who has it all figured out. I just, like, I just know when I hit the truth.
- [65:24]
A
That's. That's a superpower.
- [65:25]
C
I can tell when it's the truth.
- [65:27]
A
I talk about this in my book. Book. And you are a light worker.
- [65:30]
C
I'm a. I'm just like a. I'm just guiding you.
- [65:32]
A
You've said that of three times. I'm a guide.
- [65:34]
C
But not to, like, you're like a guide. And that you're gonna write it out, like, you know how to put it into all these words.
- [65:38]
A
You have, like, we all have our own superpowers.
- [65:40]
C
I can guide people to you, and I can guide people to this conversation. But I don't have, like, writing a book like, this is so amazing. The fact that you could put all this in a book is incredible. That's a gift.
- [65:54]
A
Well, your. Your gift is being a way Shower away shower. You're a way.
- [65:59]
C
Shower away shower.
- [66:00]
A
You connect the dots. And I talk about being a way shower awayshore is a renegade. Is a light worker. Is someone here to, like, up for the greater good for humanity. Yeah. And that's what you're doing.
- [66:09]
C
I'm gonna show you where you need. Where you need to invest your mental.
- [66:12]
A
Energy and spiritual energy, and people are so needing it.
- [66:16]
C
And I want to show you sides of people that you may not know have a spiritual side. I want to get into this that you know. Like, I want to show you these people that you have on a spotlight, that they're going through it too.
- [66:25]
A
And you listen. You. You reach a lot of people and they're listening and you're helping them.
- [66:31]
C
And I've been scared of that for a while, ever. But I've still done it. I've been scared and still done it.
- [66:36]
A
And now you're blonde and you're doing it even bigger.
- [66:38]
C
But now I'm like, okay.
- [66:39]
A
And more integrated.
- [66:40]
C
I'm going to turn my fireworks on.
- [66:42]
A
Two more questions for you. Do you believe in aliens?
- [66:45]
C
Well, yeah. I mean, I totally, totally believe that there is life everywhere outside of this planet. I just haven't had any, like, real experience with them. So that's why hearing you talk about the plagians and how they spoke to you and how you went to your journey and you saw your homeland, all that. I'm like, I totally could relate to that. I haven't experienced that. I don't have, like, deep knowing within me that, like, I have a deep knowing that there is so much more going on in the universe. Like, tons and tons and tons and tons and tons. And there's, like, other worlds and light years and creatures and existences. And all that, but I have never had any contact with them. I also would be open as long as they don't want to kill me. Are all aliens good?
- [67:25]
A
I.
- [67:25]
C
Are there some bad ones out there?
- [67:26]
A
I feel like there's no. Even The Paladians aren't 100%.
- [67:31]
C
They still got issues.
- [67:32]
A
Yes, girl. Yes, girl.
- [67:34]
C
We're never going to have an issue.
- [67:36]
A
No, there's. I think that there's a spectrum of. Of. Nothing is black or white. Everything is multi dimensional.
- [67:43]
C
What are the plains doing? They're. Where are they?
- [67:46]
A
They're in the Milky Way galaxy. So if you. On a clear night, you can see the seven stars. There's a Palladian galaxy, the seven sisters, the seven sons. And they. In their reality, time isn't linear, so there's really no future or past. Some say they were here eons ago and helped form the civilization of humanity. Some say they're coming back from the future. But their mission really. So what we were saying earlier when we incarnated into this 3D reality, it, it. We literally forget. It's an amnesia trip. We forget the whole game. We don't know where we're from. We don't know why we chose our parents. We don't really remember how powerful and sovereign and self actualizing we are with the power of our own thoughts and creating our own reality. Yeah. And so their job is to wake us up to that truth.
- [68:34]
C
That's what they do. That's their whole job.
- [68:36]
A
That's their mission. That's their mission.
- [68:37]
C
They live on like a planet with like things to do?
- [68:40]
A
I believe so. Yeah.
- [68:41]
C
They do things.
- [68:42]
A
They're. They have a whole different system. They're living light like 444 light years away. And their civilization is really run by a feminine frequency.
- [68:55]
C
Are they much higher civil, like frequency?
- [68:58]
A
They're far more evolved. Yes. And they've come back to sort of help humanity remember itself.
- [69:04]
C
Is so. Dolores Cannon. Cannon, I love her. She says, like, everyone's watching Earth, like, this is like the place. It is the hottest, the hot spot.
- [69:12]
A
Well, like, think about it.
- [69:13]
C
Okay, we have to go. Do we have to go on again? Like you said, maybe you'll have your daughter in the next life. I'm like, I don't want to do another life. This is what I believe.
- [69:20]
A
This is what I know we're not.
- [69:22]
C
Gonna be here, but I'm like, I don't want to do another human life.
- [69:24]
A
I believe that we. There's a spectrum of like the age of souls.
- [69:28]
C
Right.
- [69:28]
A
Like there's New souls, there's ancient souls. This is at least what I believe. I think that for, for many of us, our, our lifetimes aren't like, oh, we've lived like ten lives, a hundred lives, like some have lived like 80,000 lives. And they're not all on human. On Earth, there's, this is an infinite universe.
- [69:45]
C
You have to keep going, like after you die from here you alchemize your life, but you have to go somewhere else potentially. I mean, can you ever just, or.
- [69:52]
A
You close your karma and you reach nirvana. That's a Hindu belief.
- [69:54]
C
Okay, so you actually can't get to like the heaven there is.
- [69:57]
A
There are philosophies around that, like I said in my book, I'm not an expert in any of them. I, I, I really feel like we've come here specifically on Earth as school to evolve our souls back to the remembrance of the actual whole point of the universe, which is love. And because Earth is so painful and there is so much duality and there is so much polarity and fear and matrix level control and suppression of that light on this planet, we have come here to reactivate that light on this planet. But we're here on an assignment. And, and the whole point, what we were saying about dogs only needing to be here for 14 years and we have to be here for much longer, which by the way, is a microcosm in the macrocosm of the infinite. 80, 90 years. Like I say, if we're lucky. And this human experience was, we chose it. It's not an accident we came here. And most of us for many generations have felt like, oh, we just have to slide through. Life is life. It's hard. And we're waking up, up with people like you, people like me. Hopefully the people who are reading my book are remembering coming back online that there's something much, there's a much bigger order here than we have been trained and programmed to believe. And it's, I, I really believe the mission is to recalibrate the planet back to its original state, which is how the Pleiadians formed it, which was light, which was empowerment, which was love based. And because Dolores Cannon, to your point, says Earth is a hotspot, there's, there's so much ability to control the human species. And so other dark forces from other parts of the galaxy came in and there was a fight over Earth. And that's spiritual warfare and that spiritual warfare. And many of these, a lot of.
- [71:36]
C
Things are, it's all activated right now, the light and the dark. Exactly oh my God. The whole thing is heightened where it's maybe been suppressed one way or the other. That's all showing.
- [71:44]
A
The reason why is because the light is returning. So the dark is fighting back even harder. And that's why there's so much watch dissonance on the planet.
- [71:52]
C
Because the light is so. That's the difference that the world is getting crazier. It's actually that the light is coming to show all the darkness correct. Where it was kind of hidden.
- [72:00]
A
And the dark is freaking out. Which is why we need light workers to remember who they are and live out their mission and take responsibility for themselves.
- [72:08]
C
But I'm like, God, were you just so bored being pure love that you had to create all these lives and galaxies and like, you know, planets and all this existence because you just need to go see all the things you're capable of of you just needed to go feel it out.
- [72:20]
A
That is above my pay grade. I don't know how, why the universe started itself, but it is ever expanding.
- [72:24]
C
But you just need to know what you're capable of and just do it forever.
- [72:27]
A
But that's why Earth is so exciting.
- [72:30]
C
I know. I'm trying to view it as excitement. And you know what? I'm so glad I'm a light worker because like, it at least feels good to be a light worker.
- [72:37]
A
Me too.
- [72:37]
C
It feels good.
- [72:38]
A
I'm glad you're here.
- [72:39]
C
It's hard but like, so glad I'm in the light. I know people who are not in the light. And it's way worse to be in the dark.
- [72:44]
A
Absolutely.
- [72:45]
C
And it's just I feel for people who are so covered up by their darkness because me too. It's really the worst way to be. You think you're protecting yourself, but you're really just not. And the more you get into it, it's just darkness is never going to be a good thing.
- [73:00]
A
No, it's not. But I mean it can sometimes serve you a necessary thing.
- [73:04]
C
But when you're engulfed by it, it's not good.
- [73:07]
A
I want to one final question for you. What does it mean to you, Caroline, to be a co creator of the new Earth?
- [73:14]
C
I. If I. I need to take. If I'm taking my responsibility seriously, which I am. My. The responsibility that I feel I have as a co creator is to stay as absolutely as cleaned out and aligned as I can so I can receive my guidance and then do it and then not stress about anything that I have to do besides that and then just be in the beautiful joy of my life.
- [73:39]
A
Perfect. Say. Say it louder. The joy.
- [73:42]
C
The joy of my life. But allow myself to be in the joy of my life when I'm in the joy. And don't rush it out or mess it up or hustle it over or whatever. Just, like, be in it.
- [73:51]
A
That's the whole message of this show. Girl, you just said it.
- [73:54]
C
Spreading that light.
- [73:55]
A
Jessica, thank you for being the light.
- [73:57]
C
Thanks for having me on.
- [73:58]
A
This was so fun. I love you so much. Where can people go find you?
- [74:02]
C
What's going to do, though? We just have to keep doing this.
- [74:03]
A
Let's get. I'm going to see you next week.
- [74:05]
C
No, but we just have to keep doing all this work, Jessica.
- [74:07]
A
We do. But keep reading my book and you're going to learn how amazing it is.
- [74:10]
C
To actually be tired by it all.
- [74:12]
A
I'm exhausted, but it's still sweet.
- [74:14]
C
Here we are. We want to be here.
- [74:16]
A
We want to be here. We chose to be here.
- [74:17]
C
Chose to be here. I love that you're here.
- [74:19]
A
I love. I'm. Thank you for being such a beautiful invitation for me to come.
- [74:24]
C
Yay.