Chelsea Smith: Building a Stronger Marriage

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Squeeze Episode: Chelsea Smith: Building a Stronger Marriage
Release Date: February 25, 2026
Host: Taylor Lautner (with co-host/husband Taylor Lautner)
Guest: Chelsea Smith (Pastor, author of "I Do", Marriage Mondays founder)

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Overview

This episode of "The Squeeze" focuses on the realities of building and maintaining a strong marriage—challenging the fairy tale belief in effortless love and advocating for vulnerability, daily effort, and intentional connection. Guest Chelsea Smith, a longtime pastor and marriage mentor, shares practical advice, common myths, and lessons from 26 years of marriage, including insights from her new book "I Do" and her popular “Marriage Mondays” series. The conversation offers hope and real strategies for couples (and singles) at any relationship stage.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Myth of Perfect Marriage

• Fairy Tale Expectations:
  • Many believe true love is effortless and that finding "the one" means things will just work. Chelsea pushes back:
    • "A good relationship is not for a select group of people who somehow magically found the one perfect person who was made for them." (00:16)
  • Perfection vs. Enjoyment:
    • "Perfection paralyzes enjoyment because you only have a few perfect moments in marriage and parenting...if we're so focused on perfection, we will miss the laughter that comes out of when things go totally wrong." (24:01)
• Myth Busted:
  • "If I marry the right person, my marriage will be easy and perfect... And when it's not easy and it's not perfect, we think the problem is the person — so often, it's just life. At the end of the day, marriage is always two imperfect people coming together." (50:18)

Stigma Around Couples Therapy & Growth

• Chelsea and the hosts discuss how seeking help carries a stigma, as if it means something is "wrong."
  • "We think if we have to work at it, something's wrong—that it should just come naturally...but if you don't put in the work, you're not going to get out of it what you actually want." (07:15)

Social Media & Comparison Culture

• Social Media Distorts Marriage Reality:
  • Host: "We're not talking about the hard things of marriage. It's just like, here's my cute husband and my kids...no one's really opening up." (18:26)
  • Chelsea: "I thought our vacation was great, and then I saw all these pictures and now...I'm taking that into our marriage...comparison and lack of contentment comes in. It doesn't just come into me, it comes into our marriage." (25:06)
• Boundaries with Technology:
  • "My relationship with my digital device is not mine, it is ours...being intentional about connection in a digital world is crucial." (26:55)
  • Host: "There's a lot of nights where we'll both be scrolling and like, an hour has gone by and we haven't spoke to each other...that's robbing us of that intentional time together." (28:07)

Team Mentality & Avoiding Competitiveness

• "Your win is my win, and my win is your win—and my loss is your loss. It's simple in concept, hard to walk out day by day." (36:22)
• Highlights the need for open communication about insecurities that competitive or shifting roles may reveal.

Communication & Conflict Management

• Voice Your Needs—Don’t Expect Mind Reading:
  • "Fantasy of the mind reader has to be one of the biggest joy killers in marriage. If he really loved me, he would know what I'm thinking...But he can't read your mind—it's just being human." (39:41, 40:27)
• Fighting Fair:
  • Chelsea outlines the value of rules and boundaries during disagreements:
    • "We have, like, literal rules...here's things we don't say here, here's things that we do say that are helpful—instead of just being hurt and saying hurtful things." (45:39)

Building Connection & Enjoyment

• Friendship as the Foundation:
  • Chelsea: "At the end of the day, my friendship with Judah is really the core of all of it and how much I still love to laugh with him." (42:19)
  • Host: "He's my friend, my favorite person to hang out with. I don't want my favorite person to be upset or to hurt them." (46:23)
• Intentional Habits Matter:
  • "The little things matter the most. Our words and our thoughts dictate the atmosphere of our home, of our relationship, of our connection." (46:43)

Retaining Individuality within Marriage

• "For years in our marriage, I tried too hard to be like Judah...what really helped me was recognizing, you know, if God wanted me to be like Judah, he would have made me like Judah. Instead, he made me like me." (41:01)

Hope and Growth—Even if Change Feels Slow

• Big Change from Small Habits:
  • "Those habits will change, but they're not going to change overnight. There is something about that little bit every day that really can bring new habits." (56:12)
• Message of Hope:
  • "I would love for it to be hope...the relationship you're looking for isn't as difficult as it is as we can be led to believe. It's just putting in a little bit of effort every day." (52:45)

If Only One Partner is Willing to Grow

• "The worst thing you can do is to nag...I think that's where you just work on yourself...when your partner sees you getting better and more confident...it will bleed over and become contagious. 90% of the people, when your partner sees you getting better...will want to do it too." (53:57)

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Notable Quotes & Key Moments (with Timestamps)

• On the biggest joy killers in marriage:
  • Chelsea: "Fantasy of the mind reader has to be one of the biggest joy killers in marriage." (00:08, 39:41)
• On marriage being work, not magic:
  • Chelsea: "Marriage is the most fulfilling, most difficult, hardest thing I've done in my life." (07:15)
• On why the “little things” matter most:
  • Chelsea: "Our words and our thoughts more than anything, dictate the atmosphere of our home, our relationship." (46:43)
• On the myth of ease:
  • Chelsea: "If I marry the right person, my marriage will be easy and perfect...and when it's not easy and it's not perfect, we think the problem is the person." (50:18)
• Message for couples in tough times:
  • Chelsea: "Whether you’re a couple years in, 10, 15, 20, however many years in, you can kind of feel like I’ve lost hope with it. But there’s never—hope isn't lost." (55:35)
• On working on yourself:
  • Chelsea: "Even if all you can do is make yourself better, that's going to make your marriage better and you’re going to end up with a new perspective and a new love, and it will bleed over and it will become contagious." (54:36)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Marriage myths, perfection, & work: 00:08–01:10, 07:15–09:11
• Social media’s impact on marriage: 18:26–29:00
• Teamwork, competitiveness & communication: 36:14–40:27
• Friendship in marriage: 42:06–46:23
• Little things making the biggest difference: 46:43–48:47
• Individuality within “us”: 41:01–41:59
• Advice when only one partner wants growth: 53:57–55:31
• Hope and long-term change: 52:45–56:12

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Memorable Moments

• Chelsea’s ‘Marriage Mondays’ origin story (16:47): Inspired by witnessing close friends’ divorce and the lack of everyday marriage support, leading to her widely followed marriage tips.
• Hosts share their own marital challenges (various): Taylor talks about her own and friends’ struggles, creating real relatability.
• Discussion of competing career successes and supporting each other (36:14): Navigating shifting roles and rooting for each other as “we,” not “me vs. you.”
• Voicing resentment over small things (the ‘sock on the floor’ story) (39:19): Tangible, funny example of why unspoken expectations can cause more harm than asking directly.
• Chelsea’s practical suggestion for internal processors: Take a bathroom break! (20:59)
• Highlight of friendship’s importance: "At the end of the day, my friendship with Judah is really the core of all of it." (42:30)

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Marriage is inherently imperfect, but can be deeply fulfilling if both partners are willing to grow and communicate.
• Little daily habits, intentionality, and honest communication matter far more than grand gestures or achieving “perfection.”
• Social media and cultural myths can quietly erode contentment and intimacy—set boundaries and refocus on your unique relationship.
• Teamwork doesn’t mean losing individuality; a healthy marriage cherishes both “we” and “me.”
• Hope is never lost, no matter how long you've been together or how stuck you feel—change is possible, even one small step at a time.

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Chelsea Smith’s Book:
"I Do" – Practical, bite-sized weekly prompts for couples, designed to foster connection, communication, and growth over a full year.

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Final Notes:
This conversation is warm, honest, and relatable, blending Chelsea’s spiritual outlook with emotional and practical advice. Whether single, newly married, or decades in, listeners will find encouragement and tangible strategies for cultivating a marriage that’s enjoyable, authentic, and resilient.

Transcript

[Chelsea Smith]

The following podcast is a Dear Media Production.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

If it's something that's bothering me, I

[Chelsea Smith]

need to tell them. Yeah, that it's bothering me.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Fantasy of the Mind Reader has to be one of the biggest joy killers in marriage.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

If there's anyone I trust giving me marriage advice, it's you.

[Chelsea Smith]

The relationship that you're looking for isn't as difficult as it is, doesn't have to be overwhelming. It's not impossible. A good relationship is not for a select group of people who somehow magically found the one perfect person who was made for them.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

It's hard for a lot of people, I think, too open up about their marriage because it is something that is so personal.

[Chelsea Smith]

Perfection paralyzes enjoyment because you only have a few perfect moments in marriage and parenting. I think what we fail to recognize is that it is shaping our philosophy, our perspective on the world. This is so cheesy. But we're sowers. We're not saviors. Hey, what we can do, we will do. And we'll plant seeds and we'll do that. But at the end of the day, we can't be anyone's savior. The little things matter the most. What are the thoughts I'm thinking? What are the words I'm saying? When we really think about it, our words and our thoughts more than anything, dictate the atmosphere of our home, of our relationship.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

What is a myth about marriage? Lemon Drops the this episode is so good. I'm so excited. There are so many takeaways.

[Host or Narrator]

Whether you're married, dating, single, this conversation is so impactful. This week I sit down with pastor and author Chelsea Smith. Chelsea opens up about the sigma that still exists around couples therapy and marriage counseling, and how her long running Marriage Mondays tips on Instagram ultimately inspired her to write her book, I Do. Today we talked through how Taylor and I handle conflict in our marriage, why striving for an enjoyable marriage matters more than chasing a perfect, perfect one, and how setting boundaries with social media can protect intimacy and connection. Chelsea also shares her perspective on teamwork and marriage and how competitiveness can quietly sneak in and what couples can do to focus on sharing instead of comparing. This episode is so eye opening. There's something for someone to take away no matter what stage of a relationship you are in. Chelsea has been doing this work for years and I'm so excited for you guys to hear what she has to say.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Chelsea, welcome to the Squeeze.

[Chelsea Smith]

Thank you. I'm so, so fun. I'm so excited to be here.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I'm really excited we're finally doing this because if there's anyone I trust giving me marriage advice, it's you.

[Chelsea Smith]

Thank you.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

And I genuinely mean that. I feel like you are just the. You are the person that when I think of, like, marriage advice, obviously, because you and your husband did premarital. Taylor and I. Oh, my husband married us. So when I think of marriage, I think of you guys. But you guys really are so honest with how you live your marriage and the highs and the lows of it. So there's no one I trust more. And I'm excited for our lemon drops, our listeners, to go get some fun advice.

[Chelsea Smith]

Oh, I thank you so much. That means. It means so much when people who see our everyday life and see our marriage and see the ups and downs still want to hear what we have to say. Like, I've done a few of these conversations, but I don't think anybody that I know as well as you, and it's a little intimidating, like, oh, shoot, I can't. I can't. Bull crap here. I have to actually give the truth. But thank you for saying that. It means a lot that you have seen. I mean, I love doing. By the way, doing your premarital counseling was great, but I feel like Jude and I get more out of it than we give, so you probably heard way more about our marriage than you ever wanted to.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

We say the same thing about the podcast that people come on and they're like, oh, it was so good to, like, open up. But I'm always like, this is free therapy for us to talk away. Every time there's a guest that comes on, I learn something. Taylor will learn something. And it's just. I think talking about it is.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yep.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Like, the most important thing.

[Chelsea Smith]

Free therapy.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Therapy for a job.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Well done.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Without a degree in all of the other things.

[Chelsea Smith]

Oh, you're a nurse.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. We start each episode off with this jar.

[Chelsea Smith]

Okay.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

It's a little game called Citrus Got Real. If you want to pull a little paper out of there, do it. I know they look planted because they all fall.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

So I try to, like, strategically, like, place them up there so they see.

[Chelsea Smith]

Okay, shoot. Now we're gonna see if I can read it. I can get this. If you can only drink one beverage other than water forever, what would it be?

[Host or Narrator]

Okay.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Oh, I mean, I have to say

[Host or Narrator]

coffee, but what kind of coffee?

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Oh, mine would be this coffee shop. Well, they actually sell the beans, and I have them, but they're based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. It's Called Madcap. But they have a coffee shop downtown Detroit. And when we go, I always go walk there and get coffee in the morning.

[Chelsea Smith]

It's my favorite coffee in Detroit.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Huh.

[Chelsea Smith]

Okay.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. But you can buy the beans. So if you try.

[Chelsea Smith]

If you want to try them.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. Are you.

[Chelsea Smith]

Do you make your own espresso every morning?

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I. I make a pot of coffee. I haven't ventured into the like, espresso machine yet because it just kind of scares me and it seems like a lot of. Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Levers and things that.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I love money and I don't know if I'm going to be good at it or like, enjoy it. And I don't want to spend the money if I'm not going to like, actually use it. So I do. A pot of coffee is my.

[Chelsea Smith]

I'm an espresso person. Cuz it's so easy. You just, It's.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I know.

[Chelsea Smith]

Like in the morning before thinking, yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Would that be your drink?

[Host or Narrator]

You think?

[Chelsea Smith]

I am 51% coffee, 49% wine.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Okay. Oh, yeah, that's good too. What kind of wine do you like?

[Host or Narrator]

Are you red?

[Chelsea Smith]

I'm red.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Okay.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah. I mean, summer I'll do. I'll do white. But mostly, I mean, a glass of red wine is like better than dessert, I think.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I drink like just. There was a period of time where I drank only red wine and I. I feel like I'm slowly making the swing back into red wine because I. Then I switched to just whites.

[Chelsea Smith]

Oh, yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

And because I just, I just felt like I was. I had too much red wine. Yeah. It was like too. It was just too, like, heavy and I was over it, so I was like.

[Chelsea Smith]

Your teeth were starting to turn.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah, it was like, I need a light, like, Sav Blanc is my go to wine right now. But I think I just, I'm slowly.

[Chelsea Smith]

Have you gotten into like the natural orange wines?

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I still haven't tried it.

[Host or Narrator]

No, I haven't tried it.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

No. My girlfriends love it, but I don't. I haven't. I have some at the store, but I don't know if it's like a good one.

[Chelsea Smith]

I have friends who've gotten me into it and I have. I. This summer was my first, like, orange wines instead of white wines for the summer. And I. I enjoyed it and I felt. I felt better about myself. No idea if it actually helped or

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

not, but it's like lighter, fresher. Yeah, that's good.

[Chelsea Smith]

It's good.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Okay, well, let's get into. We're going to be talking all about marriage. All of the tips and the tricks and just some great advice that I think you share with us in your new book and things that we can bring into marriage and relationships. And I feel like there's definitely kind of a stigma around, like, doing couples therapy or trying to put in the work to make your marriage better or work on your marriage. Can you speak to that a little bit?

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

I actually. I still want to ask you what you think brings about that stigma, because I think it's a. We have this fantasy that we're going to fall in love with this perfect person. We're gonna find the one, we're gonna find our person, and then we ride off in the sunset together. And all of it just works beautifully and wonderfully and magically. And while there is magic to a marriage that I think can be unlike any other relationship, I don't think it comes without work, without putting in effort, without. I. I would say for me, marriage is the most fulfilling, most difficult, hardest thing I've done in my life. And it's like. It's like any. Which is probably bad to say, but you kind of. If you don't put in the work, you're not going to get out of it what you actually want to get out of it. But I feel like there. The stigma comes from. We think that if we have to work at it, something's wrong, that it just should come naturally. It should just be easy and wonderful. Do you think that's where the stigma comes from?

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah, I mean, yeah. I think it maybe even just ties back to kind of the stigma that is around just the therapy in general. Like, if something, like, you're only going if something's wrong, and it's. It means something's wrong. It means something's not working right if you are going. But I definitely feel like it's the opposite. And, you know, with Taylor and I, like, doing premarital counseling, I feel like that I would recommend even couples that are, like, dating and that's in their future to do that, because I feel like it really sets you up for success being asked those questions. Like, being asked questions that we wouldn't think to ask ourselves or being given advice on things that might come up later on in our marriage and how. How we each would handle it. Because I think Taylor and I, we definitely, like, went through a lot of life together. But I think when you're married, there's definitely things where. When it comes to maybe, like, how we were raised, like, I was raised a certain way, so maybe I view something this way. And he views it this way, but we wouldn't know it till we're married.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yes. And you. And you don't know what you think normal is. And you think this is normal and he thinks this is normal. And you have no idea that your definitions of normal are very opposite. And one isn't right or one isn't wrong, but they can create significant conflict.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

That's so true.

[Chelsea Smith]

I feel like too, there's so many scenes in marriage in movies where a couple will be in their last straw of a relationship and then it's finally like, oh, okay, let's try marriage counseling. You know, and it's always the last ditch effort to a marriage that a relationship that just has no other hope. And I do think that has created such a stereotype that.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Isn't accurate.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Host or Narrator]

It's so true.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I feel like I'm in a season right now where I'm having. I feel like Taylor and I have been going through a lot of growth individually and together. And I've been saying that, like, it's my favorite form of intimacy is growing with him. Because, like, when. When I feel like as a couple, when you. When something is hard and you work at it together and you're both able to make the other feel, like, heard and seen. Like, after Taylor and I have an argument, which, you know, is not often, but of course we're. We work together, we live together, it's good.

[Host or Narrator]

Bound to happen.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

And he, like, fully hears me. I'm like, oh, my gosh, I'm, like, in love with you again. Like, it just like, it does. It does something that is just so, like, cool.

[Chelsea Smith]

I think that is the magic of marriage more than anything else.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Is when you are your worst self and your ugliest self. You know, the inside and out. And we all have things about us that we wish weren't there, that we wish weren't seen or that we wish we could change. But we're human and none of us are perfect. And I feel like the same thing when Judas sees the ugly of me, when he sees the worst part of me and then he still loves me and likes me anyway.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

I just think there's nothing greater literally on this planet than having that type of intimacy. And sometimes it only comes out through a fight. So.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. I mean, yeah. If you're not, it's.

[Host or Narrator]

What is that?

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

It's like iron sharpens iron. Like, I feel like you have to, like, be like, working at it to grow. Because if you're not working towards something, then how do you?

[Chelsea Smith]

Yep.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

How do you grow?

[Host or Narrator]

Lately, my life has felt like a a constant juggling act between work, social plans, travel, trying to move my body and still show up for myself. There are so many days where my own health ends up taking a backseat. I'll look up and realize I've been

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

running around all day, answering emails, hopping

[Host or Narrator]

from one thing to the next and haven't actually fueled myself in the way that feels good. And that's exactly where Premier Protein comes in for me. On those busy days when I need something quick, convenient and actually satisfying, Premier Protein has become my go to. It's the kind of thing that I can grab without slowing down, but still feel good after choosing. Whether I'm heading out the door, need an afternoon boost, or just want something easy that fits into my routine. It makes fueling myself feel simple instead of stressful.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

And honestly, it tastes amazing. I always keep the vanilla on hand. It's my favorite flavor and it makes it so easy to reach for something

[Host or Narrator]

that I actually enjoy and look forward to having. What I also really appreciate is that Premier Protein fits into real life.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

It's not just for intense gym sessions

[Host or Narrator]

or hardcore workout days is for everything you need fuel for. With 30 grams of protein and tons

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

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[Host or Narrator]

up to a meeting, feeling ready, saying

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

yes to plans with friends, winning game

[Host or Narrator]

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[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

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[Host or Narrator]

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[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Where. Where did the idea for this book come from? Because I know you do Marriage Mondays on social media. I can always look forward to seeing those on Mondays. Did that kind of, like, spark the idea for you?

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah, it was. Yeah. Marriage Monday started probably eight years ago now, quite a few years ago, when some of our closest friends, who we loved, and they're both just really incredible people, decided to walk away from their marriage and get divorced. And it was so devastating for us to see these two incredible people just. And there was nothing major that happened. There was no cheating, There was no infidelity. It was just. It was just the hard things of marriage. And at that point, I realized, okay, I think I know something about marriage, and I don't have any degree and my degree's in human development in my undergrad. But I realized Judah and I were given a gift that both of our parents were married for our whole lifetime. Judah's dad has since passed away. My parents just celebrated, like, 56 years of marriage, which is wild.

[Host or Narrator]

Oh, wow.

[Chelsea Smith]

So I realized we got to see a healthy marriage and not perfect, because no marriage is perfect, but the an everyday marriage. And when our friends got divorced. And I realized, oh, I think what happened wasn't because it wasn't anything big, it was just missing out on the everyday, like, tips and tricks of marriage, so to speak. And I thought, oh, I can do this for a year. So I was literally just going to do it for a year of Marriage Monday of, hey, just one thought to work on this week for your marriage and how that could be better this week. And so that's what started Marriage Monday and turned into a book because I real. I just there. I couldn't believe how much people were really grateful for the help and just for the everyday help of how does. How do I make my relationship better this week? How can I make it better today?

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

For sure. And I feel like in the world of social media especially, we're not talking about, you know, the hard things of marriage. It's just like, here's my cute husband and my kids and my family, and it's all like, the Instagram perfectness, but no one's really. It's hard for a lot of people, I think, to open up about their marriage because it is something that is so personal.

[Chelsea Smith]

Did that make it intimidating for you to choose to get married? Having seen that, I mean, your parents are awesome. You're. Judy and I are. Joke. Like, your mom's so beautiful. They're awesome. But. So obviously you've seen an incredible marriage. But. But seeing that social media Instagram version, did that make marriage feel intimidating to you or hard to choose or.

[Host or Narrator]

That's a good question.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I don't think. For me, I mean, I always wanted to be married. Like, I just always wanted to be a wife. So I don't think it was something that was hard. But also, Taylor and I had been together for, I think we got engaged at four years and married at five, so we'd been together for quite some time. And so I think I got to a point where I was, like, ready to be married. I was like, okay, I'm done waiting now.

[Chelsea Smith]

But.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

So, yeah. But I definitely feel like my girlfriends could relate to that too, or just not feeling like they could find someone.

[Chelsea Smith]

Like, you see this perfect. Like, perfect life, marriage on Instagram, and then you start dating somebody, and it's work, and you get in a fight, and he has flaws, and you have flaws, and then thinking, oh, crap, this is the wrong person. And then you try again, but then you're a little less. I don't know. I'm just.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

No, that's.

[Host or Narrator]

It's like.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

It's. It's very true. Like, just comparing what your life looks like to someone's on social media that doesn't look what. How we're perceiving that person's life. Ours may not look like that. That's definitely a struggle for sure.

[Chelsea Smith]

Are you an internal processor or an external processor?

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Internal.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I think. I think it has to do a lot with being an only child, I think, to some degree, because I just. Everything is all in my head. Like, I didn't have anyone to talk to.

[Host or Narrator]

Whoa. Growing up.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

So I think a lot of it. And I thrive with alone time. Like, Taylor could be sitting with me 24 7, all day, every day. And I, like, will need, Like, I need just. Even if we're in the. Like, I need to be in a different room than him for, like, a little bit of time. Or I'll need to, like, just.

[Chelsea Smith]

Just to, like.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Just to process. It's a weird. I mean, I am also an internal processor.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Judah is very much. Yeah. Very much not. Okay. And one of my tricks that I have learned along the way.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Is at times just taking A bathroom break. Mostly in professional environments where we're in, like, a work discussion thing. And I just. I know I have a thought, but I just can't quite get it out. I go into the bathroom and just take that minute, and it just. I just need that clarity in that moment by myself.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

For the thought to materialize, which is so bizarre because obviously it was all there before, but it just. It's just that moment of the thought coming together that I just need to be by myself for and not hearing other voices.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. Love. That's so good.

[Chelsea Smith]

Jude Taylor. Sorry. Now I'm, like, trying to give you marriage advice.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

That is why you're here.

[Chelsea Smith]

Stop. Are you guys. I have noticed because Judah and I have a very similar dynamic that we do a. We have done a weekly date night forever. And then as our kids got older, we like basketball, kids, sports and whatever. It stopped for a season. And then about probably nine months ago, we went back to our weekly date night. Not in the middle of the day. Not just thinking, oh, okay, we can get away here. There. And I was shocked at how much comes out of me even before the glass of wine. Definitely more after. But in that space, because I know that's what this space is for. And it's been really surprising how much that does.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

We were actually just talking about doing that more. Well, we actually talked about doing, like, in. In this new year, too.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Doing this. Doing your book and doing it. Working on it once a week. Because we. I. I'm all. I am just the. I will do all the books and do all the things and the tricks because I love growth and working on things. And Taylor's definitely the one that's, like, a little more hesitant to do it. But what I love about the book is it's so digestible. Like, when I realized it was, like,

[Host or Narrator]

covers an entire year.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yep.

[Host or Narrator]

And.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

But it's a small book. And I was like, oh, this is actually really approachable.

[Chelsea Smith]

Oh, that makes me. That's actually the best compliment anybody can give me about the book. So. Good.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Thank you. Yeah, it's.

[Chelsea Smith]

I. I love it.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

It's literally just like two pages of a little something you read. And there's the. Think about it, talk about it, and do something about it, which I think is really cool and easy for couples to. If one of them in the relationship isn't wanting to do it. It's something that's like, hey, it's just a page.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yep. It's literally. You can sit down and read it together in.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Seven minutes. And then it's easy.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah, it's easy to work towards.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yep.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Okay. Let's dive into some things about this book because I know our listeners are definitely going to want to hear your advice on this. I definitely think something that you talk about is focusing on that marriage should be an enjoyable one rather than a perfect one. How. How can we kind of shift our focus to making it more of an enjoyable marriage?

[Chelsea Smith]

Oh, I love that question. I think taking off even what I talked about just with my kids, if I was so focused on perfection.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Perfection paralyzes enjoyment because you only have a few perfect moments in life, in marriage and parenting, in your skin, in your body, and whatever it is. You have perfect moments in your skin all the time. So don't say yes to that. You know it's true. But if we're so focused on perfection, we will miss, like, the laughter that comes out of when things go totally wrong. And that are moments that it can be so enjoyable.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And that's good. Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

In the book, you highlight the role of digital conveniences that they can play in relationships. We kind of talked on this earlier, but why. And I feel like this is actually something that maybe we don't think go hand in hand, but why do you think setting healthy boundaries with social media is important for couples?

[Chelsea Smith]

Oh, man, that's such a great question. I think we. There is this perception of social media that this is me.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And it's not an us, and it's. This is what. What I do and the content that I ingest and the people that I talk to, and it's just me and my device.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

This doesn't affect you. This doesn't affect us. This is. This is my thing.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

But I think what we fail to recognize is that it is shaping our philosophy, our perspective on the world. I know for me, a big thing with social media is a lack of contentment that I can think I'm wonderful and amazing and have a great life until I spend too much time scrolling and see all these people with gorgeous skin. You know, whatever it is. The thing where all of a sudden I feel like I'm falling short at. Or. I thought our vacation was great, and then I saw all these pictures and now whatever it is. And I could think I'm just carrying that by myself, but the reality is I take that into our marriage, and all of a sudden, if I'm feeling like our life isn't great or I'm feeling like I'm not good enough or I'm seeing all these Other husbands do house projects and mine. You know what? All of a sudden this comparison and this lack of contentment comes in. And it doesn't just come into me, it comes into our marriage. It comes into our relationships. It comes into the way I talk to my husband. It comes into the way I'm striving for life or not carrying a piece in life. And that affects both of us. And so there can be things that can be blind spots for us in our relationship to our social media that we can't see. And so I think that's a very helpful thing. But. But then to recognize that it does affect our emotional state, which does affect our marriage and our relationship. And then I think the other big thing is what is our relationship with other people online.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

The old jokes about people slipping into DMs, there's a reason it's a stereotype. And what is our. What is our standard? What's.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

How much is Judah comfortable with my DMs with other guys? How much am I with with girls and likewise. So I just think being on the same page, there's no necessary right or wrong.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

But there is a necessary, hey, we're in this together. And that we see that we're on a team. And my relationship with my digital device is not mine. It is ours. Does that make me sound old?

[Host or Narrator]

What do you think?

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

No, no, I think. No, I think that's definitely true because you can, you can definitely. I mean, I think like what you said with, you know, Judah not being handy. Taylor is the same. He did not grow up learning how to. He just is not a handy man. Which he has said before. And I'm not calling him out, but I could, you know, I could watch videos and be like, oh, Taylor doesn't like do this around the house. And then that is forming an opinion in my head. And then even though I may not be saying anything, I'm probably starting to resent him in a way when something happens and I'm the one that needs to be restarting the WI fi router or whatever it is. Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And you married him knowing that that's absolutely who he was going to be.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I learned that very, very quick, very quickly.

[Chelsea Smith]

After four years of being together, you knew what you were getting into.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

And suddenly, suddenly it's now an issue. Cuz I've gone down a rabbit hole and followed someone. Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Our friends who, you know who they are. The husband who is such a good cleaner. If I watch their social media too much, I'm like, yes.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Oh, yeah. But I also think too, on the note of social media, I find that sometimes that Taylor and I will both. There's a lot of nights where we'll both be scrolling and like an hour has gone by and we haven't spoke to each other. But our nighttime is our time together to watch a show and to talk and to catch up on the day when that's just kind of robbing us of that intentional time together. And like, yeah, we're sitting on the couch together, but.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah. But are we actually connecting?

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. There's no form of communication at all between the two of us.

[Chelsea Smith]

Which is another thing I really like about that book is about. That book, the one I wrote is giving people time and conversation and intentionality to. There's a lot of things that will take up our time and it's just the way that the world we live in. But being intentional with, hey, here's three connection points during a week, really. If you read it together, you do the think about it, you do the talk about it, and to do something about it.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. Like, I think with technology and everything, I'll. I think everyone feels. Can feel overwhelmed a lot more than normal because we have so many little, like, hey, how are you? Like, you can so easily text and like, comment and message and connect to people, which used to not be a thing before we had social media and cell phones.

[Chelsea Smith]

We were laughing with some friends about they're from the south. How our friend grew up with people knocking at their house like, hey, are you. Are you home? Would you like a hang? That's still. He's from West Virginia. He's saying that still happens in his neighborhood. That doesn't happen anymore. But. Yeah, you're right. You get all these little tidbits, but not.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Is it meaningful? Do you feel connected to people when you do that?

[Host or Narrator]

Yes and no.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I think there's.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yes and no. I think sometimes I get overwhelmed, especially because I. Because of the platform and because I know that I am sometimes the only line for people too.

[Host or Narrator]

Which I'm sure is something you feel.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I am sometimes the only line for people to open up about their mental health or to find a therapist or to whatever that is. And I feel like sometimes if I'm not always available, then I don't want a friend of mine to, like, miss out on that, which I'm sure is, you know, something that you feel.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Too.

[Chelsea Smith]

You carry that weight of responsibility.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah. We've had to just decide, you know, what we are. This is so cheesy. But we're sowers. We're not saviors. Yeah, that, that, hey, what we can do, we will do and we'll plant seeds and we'll do that. But at the end of the day, we can't be anyone's savior because we're just not for that, you know? Which is obviously more like spiritual language.

[Host or Narrator]

But.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah, no, but feeling like people have a crisis. Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And they reach out to you. Yeah, that's, that's a big responsibility.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. And I love it. But yeah. Sometimes I'm like, okay, then we'd have

[Host or Narrator]

just turn off the.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah, turn everything off.

[Host or Narrator]

Whenever life gets busy, dinner is usually

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

the first thing that slips.

[Host or Narrator]

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[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

the heck am I going to cook?

[Host or Narrator]

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[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

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[Host or Narrator]

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[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

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[Host or Narrator]

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[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Okay, next question I have for you.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah,

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

this is something that I actually feel like I have had a few friends deal with in their relationships. But marriage is definitely something that's teamwork and competitiveness can definitely sneak in, especially if maybe one person has been the more quote unquote successful one in the career and then the other partners now is the more successful one or now is bringing in more money or whatever it may be.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

What advice would you give couples that are struggling rather than like sharing that moment of excitement with each other?

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah, I think that's such a great question. And I, I know you and Taylor walk, walk it out. And you hand. You've both handled it so graciously. It's been fun watching you guys navigate that with love and care for each other. This is such a cheesy. It's a simple answer, but not an easy answer. It's simple in concept. Hard to walk out on a daily basis. And that is really reminding ourselves that we are a we. And that your win is my win and my win is your win and my loss is your loss and your loss is mine. And taking all of those together, I think so often it's more natural for us, and maybe this is just as women, but to take on our partner's losses for sure, but to not take on their wins. And like when, when something's going wrong, we take it, we feel it. We, we feel the heartache of it and the brokenness of it. But then when something's going right and they're successful, it can tend to make us feel. Is this gonna make me feel small? Is this gonna make me feel insignificant? Is this gonna lessen my whatever. And we don't take that win with the same joy and celebration. For me, it was such a moment when long time ago. I'm so bad@timeline. 10, 15 years ago in marriage, Judah started getting to know more well known people and they would start to call him and reach out to him and all of a sudden for me, this huge insecurity came out of. Wait, if all these people who were big, big deals, wonderful people, if they're reaching out for Judah, is he not gonna have time for me, am I gonna be less significant? Is my role gonna be These insecurities coming out.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Instead. And here I am, adhesive in this great, like, win. This great, meaningful moment. And I'm thinking about myself in it.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

But I just felt all those things, and I. This thing had been brewing in me for a while. Of feeling insecure.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And been brewing in me for a while. So of course, this resulted in a huge fight. And poor Judah, he's. He knows I can tell the story. I'm not throwing him under the bus. He's just doing his best in the moment. Yeah. And he. It was wild. He never would have thought that I felt that way.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Because it was the furthest thing from his mind. He's like, you're my. You're my. You're my ride or die. You're my.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

There's no chance that any person would ever make you feel less. But until I voiced that and had that conversation with him, it wasn't. It wasn't out there.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. I think this is something that you guys told us was like, I can't expect Taylor to read my mind. Like, I have to voice things. But even. Even just down to, like, you know, putting the dish away. Like, I. I have found myself sometimes, like, wanting to, like, leave. He'll, like, drop a dirty clothing item, like, on the ground or something, and I'm like, I'm gonna leave it there until he picks it up. And then every time I walk by the sock, I'm just building resentment, and I'm like, why am I. Like, I either need to just pick up the damn sock and put it in the thing. Whatever. If it's something that's bothering me, I

[Chelsea Smith]

need to tell him. Yeah. That it's bothering me.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Put your sock away. I'm not gon. Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

And if I was, like, I can't. Like, I can't be doing these things and expect Taylor to read my mind with it because he's Alzheimer. He's not thinking about that. And odds are he's probably thinking that I should be reading his mind about something that I'm not. And then we're both just getting mad at each other for not reading each other's minds. Yeah. Even though we can't and we're just.

[Chelsea Smith]

Fantasy of the mind reader. Has to be one of the biggest joy killers in marriage. Truly, if he really loved me, he would know what I'm thinking or you would know what I need.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

That was something that was really helpful. And even though sometimes I'll Just, like, sparrow myself and do it. Not really anymore. I don't do it anymore. But definitely when we were first married, I was like, okay, let me, like, see. But I knew that. I guess I used to do that before, honestly, before we did premarital. I would think that because we were together for quite some time before we got engaged and married, but that was really good to know going into our marriage was. No, he actually can't read my mind. And odds are what's on my mind is not even on his radar.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah.

[Host or Narrator]

He.

[Chelsea Smith]

He loves you with all. He chose you. You are his person.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

But he still can't read your mind.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

It is not a lack of love or desire. It's just being human.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. We have two different brains, and they're not on the same wavelength. We talked about being a team, but also how. What would your advice be for couples? Kind of like managing their individuality but also being one.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah. Such a great question. I know. For years in our marriage, I tried too hard to be like Judah. I think he's the best human being in the world. I mean, he's just. He's amazing. He's. He's thoughtful. He's considerate. He's. He lights up a room.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And I thought, I have to be this way. This is the standard for living. And I just completely trashed my body and my thyroid doing that, to be honest. And for me, what really helped me in that moment was recognizing, you know, if God would have made me. If God wanted me to be like Judah, he would have made me like Judah. Instead, he made me like me. And I am an introvert. I am an internal processor. I'm. I'm a little bit more thoughtful before I speak, or just the things that are different than Judah that are also unique to me.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And really, for me, that perspective of, no, God made me this way because he wants. Wants me to be this way. If you wanted me to be that way, I would have been that way.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And for me, that was, like, 15 years into marriage. Light bulb. That, unfortunately, took me way too long to. To figure out. But once I leaned into that, it was wild how much more I enjoyed myself, and then other people enjoyed me, too. It's like nobody.

[Host or Narrator]

There's.

[Chelsea Smith]

There's no pattern that anybody expects people to be like, but if you're enjoying yourself, I feel like other people will enjoy you. No.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah, for sure. I. I'm curious, what has surprised you most about your marriage as you guys have grown together? Because it's been 26 years.

[Chelsea Smith]

26 years.

[Host or Narrator]

So cool.

[Chelsea Smith]

What surprised me the most, I think how grateful I am for my friendship with Judah that has sustained all of the seasons.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

That sex is great. Laughter is amazing. Raising parent. Raising kids together is a journey. Working together. All of. There's so many different facets of a marriage, and you're running a household together or for us, running a business organization together. But I think it is how much, at the end of the day, my friendship with Judah is really the core of all of it and how much I still love to laugh with him. And we have a silly little card game that we like to play together and how much that actually does matter.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. I love that.

[Chelsea Smith]

The end of. How about you? You're. You guys are.

[Host or Narrator]

We're.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

What are we married?

[Chelsea Smith]

Three.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I mean, we've been together for eight.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

So, I mean, we have been together a while, but not married for three.

[Chelsea Smith]

What surprised you the most?

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah, that's a good question.

[Chelsea Smith]

Right? I love it. Throwing it back at you.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I think. I think that in a way that as it's gotten. Gotten harder, it's also gotten easier. Like, I feel like. I feel really lucky that I have a partner that when we're in an argument or a disagreement, whatever it is, he genuinely, like, wants me to feel heard and seen and wants to know how I'm feeling in the situation.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah.

[Host or Narrator]

And I think that's really important because when.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

When we fight it, a lot of couples I know just, like, go for the jugular and say things that they don't mean and they know are gonna just hurt their partner.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

And I feel so lucky that that isn't the type of arguing that we have. And that's something that I think we're both intentional about when we approach it, is we really just love each other and we don't want the other person to hurt. So when things get tough and, you know, me working through my communication, like, Taylor knows that I'm working through it, and we can giggle about it, and I can joke like, oh, I'm gonna need, like, three to five business days. Like, being able to laugh through the hard times, I think is something that obviously, as we've been together and now business and kids, someday, like, there's gonna be more arguments that come about because there's more life decisions that need to be made, and things that we've never thought about before but are just how our brains work are gonna come up and they're gonna be different, and. And I think that it's cool that as we grow, like, I said, when we fight, like, and there's resolve and we come together and we're closer after, like. Yeah. It's so fun. So now I know when there's a disagreement, I know that we're gonna get to the other side of it.

[Chelsea Smith]

And that's such a beautiful place because then you're not afraid of the disagreement.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And you'll actually work through it and then work past it and be closer as a result of it, as opposed to being so afraid of a disagreement because it's gonna blow up and you're gonna say hurtful things. So then you never have the disagreement that you should have.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And then it's. You're being robbed of intimacy. That's so wise. I would. I would agree with that. I don't think we fight any less 26 years in.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Than we did in our first year. Maybe. I mean, we're just. Just trying to figure out life.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

But we just fight fair.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And we fight knowing. Okay, here's the. Here's the boundaries. We have, like, literal rules of. Here's things we don't say here. Here's things that we do say that are helpful instead of just being hurt and saying hurtful things.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And learning how to fight fair has been one of the biggest tools.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I think that's where, like, the friendship comes in, too, because Taylor and I are best friends, and obviously, as husband and wife, I don't want my husband to feel her. I. He doesn't want his wife to feel hurt, but also, like, he's my friend. Like, he's, like, my favorite person to hang out with. And I don't want my favorite person to hang out with, like, to be upset or to hurt them. So I think that just adds another level of, like, not only am I married to you, but, like, I actually enjoy your company and, like, I enjoy being your friend.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

So I think that.

[Host or Narrator]

And I.

[Chelsea Smith]

And I don't want to ruin a weekend because I had a bad attitude. It said something stupid. So.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Let me just handle it a mature way instead of an immature way.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I am curious to know, in your experience, what tends to matter more to you than anything else in a strong marriage?

[Chelsea Smith]

I think one of the premise of the books is that actually the little things matter the most. And so often we think, oh, a marriage is made or broken on the big things. Choosing the right person or getting the right therapist or, you know, all the things. Whereas I found it's actually the little things that make or break the moment. What are the Thoughts. I'm thinking about Judah. What are the words I'm saying to him? Words and thoughts can seem so little and so cheap and so inexpensive. But when we really think about it, our words and our thoughts more than anything, dictate the atmosphere of our home, of our relationship, of our connection. If I'm thinking resentful thoughts, if I'm thinking belittling thoughts, if I'm thinking belittling thoughts about me, it just shifts the atmosphere in such a powerful way.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

That it becomes such a big thing.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Wow, that's good. What is one small shift that you think makes a big difference in a relationship?

[Chelsea Smith]

I think the smallest shift is recognizing this is the person who I loved and I chose, and I am the person that he loved and chose. And we stood up there on that day and said vows to each other, knowing 90% of who the person was, you know, knowing their strengths and weaknesses and having the shift of remembering, I loved. I love this person. I chose them for them. Why would I try to now change them? And try to now we. We both want to grow, and we want to grow as humans. But why would I try to change him into. So often it's being more like me. Like, have you found that I. I'm.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

In finances, I'm more of a saver, and I want to make him to be more of a saver like me, because I actually think my ways were right. But I loved that generosity in him when we were dating, and so why would I try to change him?

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Like. Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Are you ever tempted. Please tell me it's not just me to try to, like. To try to change that man.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Oh, for sure. No, I definitely think. I think. Think. I think that that is definitely the case. There's definitely qualities or thing. I am like a busy bee, and I am need to be doing something all the time. That is not Taylor at all. And I think that's because, like, how he's been, like, the career he's in, when he's working, he's like 120, 120% in. And then when he's off, he's off. But I'm always on. Like, I've just always. My brain is always going.

[Chelsea Smith]

I think that's part of what he fell in love with about you. Like, the fact that you're a nurse and you had a career and you're serving people and you're working and.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

No, for sure. And I definitely. Sometimes I'm like, well, why don't you just, like, do something. But then he's probably looking at me and like, why don't you just chill? Like, so that's why. That's why I think it's cool that he is the way he is and has those boundaries and I am the way I am and my work ethic. And we're able to be like, you know, he's able to be like, hun, it's time for dinner. Let's close the laptop. You're done with this. Like, yeah. You've worked how many days this week? Like, let's take this time. And I'm able to be like, hey, let's go. Let's go do this. Like, we really need to get out of the house or we should go do this. So I think it's.

[Chelsea Smith]

And appreciating those differences in each other and using them to make yourselves and each other better as opposed to an area of contention. And going back to the thoughts. I think our thoughts dictate so much of our perception.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Of those differences.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Of whether we're seeing them as a good thing or just annoyed.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. What is a myth about marriage that you think people need to just. Just let go?

[Chelsea Smith]

Oh. And I think we already embraced it. But if I marry the right person, my marriage will be easy and perfect.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And that when it's not easy and it's not perfect, we think the problem is the person.

[Host or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And so often it's just life.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And the end of the day marriage is always two imperfect people coming together and trying to build this life together. It's wild.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

It's a. It's a really wild thing that.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. Taylor and I are always like. It's crazy that, like, one of us, I feel like once a month is always like, whoa, like, we're gonna be together for, like, a really long time. Like, like the fact that we're like, we're only like, you know, we're 29 and 30 this year or early 30s.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Like, the fact that we're, like, here and we have so much more, like, life to live. Like, it's so crazy and it's, like, so exciting, but it's. It's a wild concept.

[Chelsea Smith]

Like, it's a wild. Because June and I just hit 26 years, and then I look at my parents who are 56 years, and I think we're not even halfway to where my parents are. And so far, 26 years of marriage feels like my greatest life accomplishment.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

To think that there's still. There's still more of it.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

It's so cool.

[Chelsea Smith]

And that creates an insecurity and a security at the same time, don't you think?

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. That perspective, it makes it. For me. It makes me excited and want to. I. I mean, like I said, I'm just the. I want to put in the work and I want to, like, grow and I want to. I think I just want to, like, fully. I want to know. I won't ever know 100 who Taylor is, but I want to know as much as I can. The way he works, the way he thinks, what makes him happy, what makes him. Which I feel like I know a decent amount of. But. But there's. I mean, we're all. We're always gonna have an argument of some type. And it's exciting for me to learn those aspects of Taylor Moore.

[Chelsea Smith]

And it's so fun to be 26 years in and to know something about, uncover something about Judah that I haven't learned before or realize something like those penny drop moments of realizing, oh, that's why you do what you do. And it's so fun and fulfilling and likewise for him to know and understand me more. Yeah, it's fun.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I know. I love it. If someone only takes away one thing from us. Talking today, from your book, which we're going to leave a link below. You guys need to go order yours. What would you want that to be?

[Chelsea Smith]

I would love for it to be hope. I think so often, whether it's a single person trying to find a relationship and it feels impossible or somebody in a relationship that feels dull or in a relationship that feels like it's. It's gone further and you've said those hurtful things, that. I really do believe that the relationship that you're looking for isn't as difficult as it is as we can be led to believe that it is. I do think it's just putting in a little bit of effort every day, and you can put in that effort today and then tomorrow, you can put in that effort today and then the day after that. And it doesn't have to be overwhelming. It's not impossible. A good relationship is not for a select group of people who somehow magically found the one perfect person who was made for them. I really, really do believe that a magical marriage can be available to everybody.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Host or Narrator]

It's so true.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

What would you. What advice would you give someone that maybe one person in the relationship is wanting to work on their marriage, but the other person is not open to it?

[Chelsea Smith]

That is such a brilliant question. And I think that's when you the worst thing you can do is to nag and to. And to just be, well, we need to do this and we need to do this. And I think that's where you just work on yourself and do the work yourself and realize every marriage is two people. And even if all you can do is make yourself better, that's gonna make your marriage better and you're gonna end up with a new perspective and a new love, and it will. It will bleed over and it will become contagious. 9 for 90 of the people. When somebody, when your partner sees you getting better and more confident and more secure and more loving and more forgiving and more self aware.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

They're going to want to do that.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

90. 90 of the people will do.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah. No, I think I completely agree with that because I feel like I, I would say that both if Taylor's, you know, thriving in something that I want, not even, you know, something that is like a tangible thing.

[Chelsea Smith]

He's starting to eat healthier, starting exercise.

[Host or Narrator]

Oh, that's.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I, I definitely want to do that.

[Chelsea Smith]

Like, I could do that.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

There's. There's a way to motivate in a way that I want to get to a healthy version of myself. And this is something that I want for my partner, too. And they definitely will see that.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Whether you're right about it or not.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yeah. Like for Judah with therapy. I started therapy maybe five years ago, and it was so amazing for me. And it took him like a year before he's kind of like, oh, no, Chelsea, glad you're doing that. Glad it's your thing. And then when he started to see changes in me and in my habits and in my communication.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

He asked for a recommendation.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

And I only had to nag about it a few times.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Only a couple times. That's so good.

[Host or Narrator]

Well, thanks for sitting down, Chelsea.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I think this is going to be really helpful and remind people that marriages aren't perfect and not to lose hope with it. Because I think whether you're a couple years in, 10, 15, 20, however many years in, you can kind of feel like I've lost hope with it. But there's never that hope isn't lost.

[Chelsea Smith]

Yep. Oh, can I say one other thing about hope not being lost is that thank you for bringing up, like the 15 or 20 years, because sometimes that can feel so much harder to change because it feels like you're just in habits and you're just in grooves and ways of doing things. And that is where I think this book, because it is over a year process.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

Those habits will change, but they're not going to change overnight. And there is something about that little bit every day that really can bring new habits.

[Host or Narrator]

I'm excited.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

I'm excited to do the book. And I know Taylor's not, like, the most excited, but he's excited because I'm

[Chelsea Smith]

excited because it's your book.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Smith]

So love you guys. Thank you so much for being who you are and doing what you do for the world. You really do bring so much hope in life and so sweet vocabulary to helping people that be better mentally healthy. So thank you.

[Host (possibly Taylor's wife or co-host)]

So sweet.

[Chelsea Smith]

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