Jaci Marie Smith: Path to Motherhood

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Squeeze

Episode Title: Jaci Marie Smith: Path to Motherhood

Host: Taylor Lautner (Tay)
Guest: Jaci Marie Smith
Date: March 18, 2026

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Episode Overview

This heartfelt episode of The Squeeze dives deep into the mental and emotional journey of infertility and motherhood. Host Taylor Lautner welcomes content creator and entrepreneur Jaci Marie Smith for an open, vulnerable conversation about Jaci’s multi-year struggle with infertility, her experience with IUI and IVF, and her reflections on boundaries, friendship, and mental health as both an influencer and new mom.

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Key Discussion Points

Social Media, Boundaries, and Sharing Personal Life

• Navigating a Public Life

  • Jaci reflects on over a decade of living publicly as a photographer-turned-influencer.
  • She notes the importance of setting intentional boundaries online:

    “You also don’t owe super personal details to the whole world and that’s something that you have to learn over time.” (03:26, Jaci)

  • Jaci uses the “Brick” app to lock herself out of social media apps to protect her mental space. She avoids sharing personal schedules or intimate details about her daughter.

• Overexposure and Content Addiction

  • Jaci and Tay discuss the tendency for social media creators to overshare and how content creation can become compulsive:

    “I think when something you love becomes your job, you have to fight every day to keep it fun and keep it exciting.” (08:00, Jaci)

  • The duo note the pressure of feeding social platforms and how sometimes less is more, especially after starting families.

Motherhood, Privacy, and Sharing Family Online

• Jaci shares her evolving decisions around sharing her daughter’s life online and emphasizes the need for autonomy in what and how much she puts on the internet:

  “Honestly, since she’s been born, it kind of surprised me how little I wanted to share of her. Like, just how much I wanted to protect her.” (16:26, Jaci)

• Tay relates, expressing uncertainty about how she’ll handle privacy decisions in her own future motherhood.

Infertility Journey: From Isolation to Empowerment

• Initial Struggles and Isolation

  • Jaci recounts feeling deeply isolated when struggling to conceive—a feeling amplified by social media and seeing others’ easy pregnancies:

    “I was like the only one in my immediate friend group going through [infertility]... I just felt very isolated. It was just very easy for everyone else and it wasn’t for me. And I’m just like, what is wrong with me?” (25:12, Jaci)

• Public Decision to Share

  • Initially, Jaci kept her fertility journey private. She decided to share after a year because she realized how powerful it was to connect with women having similar experiences:

    “Once I did talk about it... I got so many messages of women thanking me and being like, I feel the same way.” (25:26, Jaci)

• Medical Details: Husband’s Leukemia History & Treatments

  • Jaci’s husband survived childhood leukemia, and the only abnormality impacting their fertility was sperm morphology, likely related to chemotherapy (27:32).
  • She describes the process of going through three IUIs (intrauterine inseminations) that didn’t work and eventually moving to IVF (in vitro fertilization):

    “With all the testing that we ever got done, the only irregularity…was the morphology of his sperm, which is like the shape of it. So they think it could have been affected by chemotherapy.” (27:32, Jaci)

• Taking a Break & The Myth of ‘Not Thinking About It’

  • Jaci voices frustration with the advice to “just stop thinking about it,” noting that despite taking a two-year mental break, conception still didn’t happen (29:05).

IVF Process & Emotional Toll

• IVF Ups and Downs
  • Jaci describes the emotional rollercoaster of IVF, especially after her first embryo transfer failed:

    “I thought it was gonna be successful…I just, like, had a really good feeling about all of it, and it just…it didn’t work. I have literally been devoting my life to IVF for months…and it didn’t work.” (35:24–36:01, Jaci)

  • After a “mock transfer” revealed she needed one extra day of shots, her next transfer was successful.

Friendship and Grieving at Different Life Stages

• Best Friend’s Pregnancy
  • Jaci recounts the raw moment when her podcast co-host and best friend, Chelsea, became pregnant while Jaci’s own transfer failed:

    “We were just like sitting on the beach, and we were both just crying. And I was like, I want to be happy for you—that I am—but I’m so sad.” (38:06–39:00, Jaci)

  • They navigated jealousy, grief, and joy with honesty, growing closer through the hardship.
  • Later, Jaci’s daughter and Chelsea’s son were born two months apart.

Advice for Support Systems and Mental Health

• How to Support Friends Through Infertility

  • Jaci advises normalcy and sensitivity—checking in is important, but don’t single out or pity the person:

    “The thing that was helpful was just like, being normal, having normal girls nights and not talking about it. Honestly, to me, that was best-case scenario unless I wanted to bring it up.” (45:27, Jaci)

• Postpartum & Prioritizing Mental Health

  • Jaci stresses the importance of carving out alone time and maintaining self-care routines to be present as a mom:

    “To be a good mom, personally, I feel like that starts with me. If I’m feeling scattered… it’s much easier for me to get like, overstimulated.” (46:13, Jaci)

  • She shares her effort to become a (reluctant) morning person to claim personal time for exercise and reflection (48:30).

Reflections on "Only Child" Experience and Siblings

• Jaci and Tay discuss the pros and cons of being or raising an only child, contemplating future family size in light of their own upbringings (49:24–51:13).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Sharing and Boundaries

  “You also don’t owe super personal details to the whole world and that’s something that you have to learn over time.” (03:26, Jaci)

• On Showing IVF Realities:

  "I wanted to show...this is months and months of your life. This is...super expensive, super invasive...not an easy thing to do.” (20:43, Jaci)

• On Friendship During Infertility:

  “I want to be happy for you—that I am—but I’m so sad.” (39:00, Jaci)
  “We just love each other. It doesn’t change anything. It sucks. And that’s just how it is.” (41:04, Jaci)

• On Supporting Others:

  “There’s no right thing to say to someone going through really anything...the thing that was helpful was just being normal.” (45:27, Jaci)

• On Self-Pride:

  “I think I’m the most proud of myself for just putting effort into my life. Like, even when things are hard... I still show up for myself.” (51:51, Jaci)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:26] Boundaries and sharing as a public figure
• [16:26] Privacy around sharing children online
• [25:12] On feeling alone in infertility and initially deciding to share
• [27:32] Husband’s leukemia history and medical insight into their infertility
• [29:05] Reality vs. myth of “just stop thinking about it”
• [35:24–36:01] The emotional toll of a failed IVF transfer
• [38:06–41:04] Friendship: Navigating best friend’s pregnancy amid own infertility
• [45:27] Advice on supporting someone through infertility struggles
• [46:13] Prioritizing mental health as a mother
• [49:24–51:13] Only child and sibling reflections
• [51:51] What Jaci is most proud of

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Tone and Style

The conversation is raw, empathetic, warm, and often vulnerable. Both women are open about grief, uncertainty, setting boundaries, and the realities of both infertility and motherhood.

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Summary

This episode stands out as an honest, multi-layered glimpse into the path to motherhood in the digital age. Jaci Marie Smith normalizes the pain and uncertainty of infertility, highlights the power of honest friendship, and carves out space for nuanced discussions about privacy, boundaries, and personal growth while living much of life online. For anyone facing similar journeys—or wanting to support those who are—this episode offers validation, practical wisdom, and deep solidarity.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

it was the most vulnerable thing I've ever posted on the Internet. My transfer did not work. I thought it was 100% going to work. I cannot post this on the Internet. I can like barely even watch this footage because it's like so triggering and heartbreaking to me. You also don't owe super personal details to the whole world and that's something that you have to learn over time.

[A]

It is way more common than a lot of people realize. Even like miscarriages.

[B]

Because I was like the only one in my immediate friend group going through, I just felt very isolated. It was just very easy for everyone else and it wasn't for me. And I'm just like what is wrong with me? My husband had childhood cancer. He had leukemia. With all the testing that we ever got done, the only thing that was off was the morphology of his sperm by getting that information. Cuz it felt like okay, there is something that we can do. It was like a year of trying naturally wasn't happening fertility treatments and trying to figure it out. I was like honestly I just want to take a break. Putting it out of her mind for literally two years and it still didn't happen. I thought it was going to be successful. I really did. I just like had a really good feeling about all of it and it just, it didn't work. Devoting my life to IVF for months is just never going to work. Like I get emotional talking about it now cuz it was just like so, so sad and so hard. It was just such bad timing, you know.

[A]

Welcome back Lemon Drops to to another episode of the Squeeze. Happy Wednesday. If you are listening on a Wednesday. If not, happy whatever day of the week it is that you're listening on. I am so excited to have you here today, listening and just being a part of our community. It truly means the world that you guys tune in each week to hear what our incredible guests have to say. And I just Am feeling so lucky recently to be able to do this job. And heading into this week's episode, I want to introduce you to JC Marie Smith. She's an LA based lifestyle creator, entrepreneur, and former portrait and wedding photographer who transitioned from photography to full time digital content creation. She also shares education products and has a podcast called what We Said. Beyond podcasting though, she has built a creator focused brand that includes selling photo presets and educational resources for aspiring content creators. And she's publicly spoken on topics such as evolving spirituality, marriage, creator burnout, and her fertility journey, including undergoing IUI and IVF before a successful pregnancy. We definitely talk a lot about infertility and miscarriage, so if those topics are sensitive to you, listen with caution. But it truly was such a special episode. We had a cry, we had a laugh, and JC is such a remarkable woman and I'm so curious to hear what you guys learned from her because I feel like I learned so much about just being a woman and being in friendship as a woman. All of the hardships that can come with that, we really dove deep into that. So reminder to let us know down below or on socials what you thought of the episode. Well, jc, welcome to the Squeeze.

[B]

Thank you for having me.

[A]

I love that we're just like really comfy in our chairs and we're just gonna yap and chat and to crisscross applesauce.

[B]

I know. I asked if I could take off my shoes. I saw you didn't have shoes. I'm like, can I take mine off? Am I allowed?

[A]

No, I'm a. I. I don't like shoes. I always wonder if that's because I danced growing up and I, like, was always barefoot and I loved being like, barefoot outside as a kid. But I like, I hate shoes.

[B]

Constricting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I can't do this with shoes on. But we start each episode off with this jar. It's a little game called Citrus Got Real. If you want to pull a little.

[B]

Okay, I'm ready.

[A]

Paper out of there. I love when I have podcasters on or people that understand a microphone and like, they like, no, I have to like, move it. It's like less stressful for me.

[B]

I know podcasting with podcasters. Yeah, is fun. Okay, if you could delete one app from existence, what would it be? Ooh, that's a good one. I'm trying to think of what app like, makes me the most mad. It has to be some. Have you heard of the Brick? This is not. This is not my answer. By the way, do you have one.

[A]

I technically do have one. She uses it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It.

[B]

Yeah, I'm obsessed. It's like my new addiction.

[A]

I need to. I need to set it up. I've told so many. I. I told you about it. I've told so many people about it and I have yet to set it up.

[B]

It basically just locks you out of your different apps that you choose. So I'm trying to think of, like, what apps I brick myself out of, which is. It's always the social media ones. You know, Like, I want to say tick tock just because it's a time waster for me, but yeah, when I'm in the right mood, I like scrolling on there. I think it's so fun.

[A]

Honestly, mine might be threads.

[B]

I could agree with that. I don't ever go on threads.

[A]

I know. It just like always pops up for me on Instagram or. And because it like automatically makes you an account.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So like, I get alerts from it, but I'm like, I don't want this.

[B]

I can agree with that. That's a good one to just. I think that do away with. You know why? Because I was on this meeting the other day where they were talking about social media marketing and strategy and they're like, you gotta post threads. And I was like, not a new one. Like, I can't be doing tick tock, Instagram podcast, YouTube threads. I'm like, get out of here.

[A]

Do you have a Twitter?

[B]

No, I. I don't even think I have an account.

[A]

What is it? I refuse. I just, I. Last time I had one in like middle school, it was Twitter. So that's like what it is in my head.

[B]

I know. I don't even think I have an account. I think I deleted it like six years ago and never looked.

[A]

There's a fake account of me and it has like a decent amount of followers and. No, it just like, will, like, post things after. I like, post on Instagram. I don't even know if it's still there. I haven't looked. It's been like a couple years. But I'll like, post stuff on Instagram and it'll be like, you know, let's say I went to like, Santa Barbara and I like, post pictures from Santa Barbara. It'll be like, had the best time in Santa Barbara.

[B]

I'm like, not them cosplaying. You're literally like, at least it's not

[A]

like saying like, please don't start saying bad things at least. Yeah, like saying bad things.

[B]

No, it's just like, you gotta get that taken down. I know, that's so funny, though.

[A]

Anyways, you've been doing social media for like, a long time?

[B]

Yeah, over a decade. A long time. Over a decade.

[A]

Were you, like, crazy consistently doing it? Have you been consistently doing it for that long or.

[B]

I've never had another job. I've never worked and, like, had a boss or anything. I started posting on Instagram, my photography when I was in high school.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then I started making decent money through that. And then it kind of just slowly transitioned to influencing brands, starting to reach out and sharing more lifestyle stuff.

[A]

Stuff.

[B]

So it was before it was kind of my photography account. I would share all my photos and I would shoot weddings and okay. Stuff like that. In high school, I was shooting people's senior photos, like my peers and stuff. But I just worked up to. Yeah. Being a photographer. And then I was doing that full time. And then it slowly transitioned. Brands just started reaching out and being like, we'll pay you to wear this watch. And I was like, what? Like, yeah, what is that? Okay. And then it just feel like that

[A]

was one of my first brand deals too.

[B]

Daniel Wellington, shout out to.

[A]

I literally forgot. That just like unlocked a memory in my brain as you were saying that. Wow. They shout out to them.

[B]

I feel like they were some of the first on the scene. Yeah, like, absolutely. You know, the amazing stuff. So, yeah, I've done it for a long time.

[A]

And you love it, enjoy it.

[B]

I do. I've had phases. I've gone in and out of love with it for sure. I think when something you love becomes your job, you have to fight every day to keep it fun and keep it exciting. Because when it's the thing that you're passionate about and then now there's a have to in front of it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It changes your relationship with it, you know?

[A]

That's so true. How have you, like, set boundaries with it to still, like, keep that love also, honestly, like, not. I feel like a lot of times influencers just kind of like over share and then that's when it gets dangerous. Like, they definitely share a lot of personal things that they're going through that maybe like in the moment they share it and maybe it shouldn't be shared. Have you had to kind of set boundaries with that?

[B]

Totally. I don't necessarily regret anything that I've shared. I feel like I've always been pretty because I've been doing it for a long time, I think. And I've also. I have a lot of friends in the industry. So I've kind of seen through their lives and their mistakes or things that they're like, oh, I wish I wouldn't have shared that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For instance, when I got pregnant, this is so micro. But a lot of my friends had already been pregnant and shared stuff on the Internet and they were like, I'm so glad I didn't share my due date. Or my friends who did were like, I regret sharing it because right when it got to that time, people were like messaging me non stop, is the baby here? And she's like, it was just stressful. So yeah, there are certain things that I've learned through my friends and peers and other people where I'm like, okay, that's probably a boundary. Like I'm not gonna share. You also don't owe super personal details to the whole world and that's something that you have to learn over time.

[A]

That's so true.

[B]

But I have tons of boundaries with social media. Talking about the brick already like two seconds into our conversation. Cuz it's my whole personality. Like I lock myself out of my phone 24 7. I have like a schedule. So every day at 6pm it's like I don't even have the option to be on social media and I don't until the, until like 9 or 10am the next day. So during work hours I can. But I'm usually so busy shooting and doing stuff that sometimes I just don't even go on at all. You know.

[A]

How do you set like your boundaries with filming content? Because I know like how many times a day are you posting?

[B]

I don't post as much as I used to. I was, oh my gosh. I look back. So when TikTok first started and I started seeing that people were gaining traction, I was like, oh, this is something. Like it's, it's always good to be, you know, kind of early on the scene. And so I committed to posting, I think three videos a day for 90 days. I was like, that's what I mean. I'm in it for three months, I'm going to post three videos a day. And I was like, one of them's bound to do well. I didn't have followers on TikTok at the time, okay. And then I did that and a few of them blew up and like I got followers from that. And so I was on my grind. That was in 2020 though. So that was six years ago now, which is crazy. But I don't have a super stringent thing where it's like, I'm Posting this many videos a day. I'm posting this many photos. I podcast and so that's six times a month. So we. But that's very consistent for me. And I just got back into YouTube and I'm trying to do that consistently as well, but I don't have like a super specific. Yeah, stringent.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

Guidelines.

[A]

I feel like sometimes people put so much pressure on themselves and then it's like they're not spending time with their family or like their spouse or their kids. And it's definitely like, because, because like, like you said you were posting three days or three times a day for those 90 days, like, I feel like you get a bite and then it's like, oh, like I want more, I want more. I need to be posting more. And that's like when, like, it's good to be consistent, but if it's taking away like from like your real life, then it's not, it's not, it's not worth it. Okay, I want to talk about something that honestly feels a little overdue because it's 2026 and why are we still relying on dry, scratchy toilet paper to get clean? Like, seriously, think about it. If you were washing your hands, would you just wipe them with a dry paper towel and call it a day? No, you'd use water. So why is the bathroom any different? That's exactly why I made the switch to good wipes. Flushable wipes. Good wipes are perfectly moist, flushable wipes that actually leave you feeling clean. Not just kind of clean. Actually clean. And honestly, once you experience a difference, you start wondering why toilet paper was ever even the standard in the first place. They're made with plant based fibers, so they're actually flushable and break down easily. They're also made for sensitive skin and use really gentle ingredients, which is important because a lot of wipes out there can be irritating. These feel super soft and comfortable, not to mention that they come in incredible scent options like rose water, shea, cocoa, lavender and botanical bliss. And if you prefer something totally fragrance free, or if you just have a really sensitive skin, the new Fragrance free wipes just released. Available exclusively at Walmart. Once you start using wipes instead of just toilet paper, it's really hard to go back. And if you've never tried them before, this is actually the perfect time to do it. Grab good wipes for free at Walmart so you can upgrade your restroom routine. Buy any one, two or three pack in Walmart or Walmart.com, text them your receipt and get reimbursed almost immediately. For more details, head to goodwipes.com squeeze again. That's goodwipes.com squeeze to snag a free pack of good wipes from Walmart. Oh, could this vintage store be any cuter? Right? And the best part, they accept Discover.

[B]

Except Discover in a little place like this?

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

Jennifer.

[A]

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[B]

Well, it's very easy to blur those lines because anything could be content. I think before I had my daughter, like again years ago, I was more on my grind with it, where I was just like, this is an amazing opportunity we have. And it's, it can be very addicting because like you said, you get a bite. You're like, oh, people like that. I want to film more videos like that, and it becomes addicting. And I'm so, like, success driven that when I see something is doing well, I want to keep doing it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I've definitely gotten into times where I'm just, like, filming way too much and posting way too much, probably.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It got me to where I am. So it's. At the end of the day, I'm grateful, but I think now that I'm just a little bit older and have more experience and I'm more established, I feel like I can take more breaks, which is nice.

[A]

What is your boundary with sharing your daughter on social media?

[B]

I don't share her a lot. I actually share her less than I even thought I would. I. I never committed to anything before I had her. I never. Because people would ask me, they're like, oh, are you gonna show her? And I was just like, I'll see how I feel. I. And then as time went on, I just felt like I wanted to share her. I really never shared a lot of her. Honestly, since she's been born, it kind of surprised me how little I wanted to share of her. Like, just how much I wanted to protect her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'll share, like, little photos of the back of her sometimes when we're doing something. It's like, not a secret that I'm a mom, but I also don't share anything about her schedule, really. Her personality. Like, I don't think it's anyone's business, you know?

[A]

Yeah, I know. I always, like, my girlfriends and I were just talking about that. I just did, like, a girl chat episode with two of my girlfriends and none of us have kids yet. And we were talking about, like, what we think about, like, what we're going to do with that. Because I always wonder because, you know, we see people that have their kids in their content all the time and then all the way to, like, not even, like, involving them. An outskirt.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's just like, I'm. So. I also, like, don't want to say, like, what I think I would do because, like, if I change, people are gonna be like, yeah, so I'm just

[B]

like, you really don't know what you're gonna feel comfortable with until they're here. I've even, like, posted photos and then deleted them later because I'm just like, what's. I don't know. To me, it's like, what why do I need to share that at the end of the day? Like, why? Obviously she's so cute and fun and I, like, would love to share her cute personality with everyone, but at the same time, the Internet is so massive and you can't control anything. And once it's there, it's there. So to me, it just doesn't.

[A]

It.

[B]

It feels better to, like, err on the side of not sharing a lot and then that way you don't have regrets, you know, I feel like.

[A]

Yeah, you'll never regret, like, not sharing.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Like, I look back on, like, my. When I got. I shared one and we got engaged and then I didn't, like, post anything about wedding prep or planning or anything. And then it was just. We were married. Like. Yeah, I didn't share anything about it and I posted, like, a little bit of it, but I didn't really share much because I was so, like, I don't want people knowing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When we're getting married. We ended up. Someone leaked it and ended up sharing the photos before we did, so it ended up not working out. But the photo sucks, so it was fine. But I look back on that time, I'm like, oh, like, I could have shared, but, like, I'm happy. I am honestly, like, happy. Yeah, I didn't because I. It was something that I wanted to just, like, kind of keep between us because so much of, like, our life is public. I wanted to keep, like, that something private. Special time. Yeah, I know. I, like, wonder how I'm going to be like, with, like, when I get pregnant and having kids, like, what that will be. Yeah, I'm just, like, so curious when I'm going to, like, feel in the moment.

[B]

I know. I. So I did IVF to get pregnant with my daughter and I shared my whole journey on YouTube and I filmed a ton of it. But I. I was filming knowing that I was just going to follow my intuition whether or not I was going to post it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I wasn't planning on for sure posting it. I was going to film it just to have it in general.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, if I feel up to posting this, I will. I think that's the good thing about getting older, is you just feel more.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Intuitive and confident in your choices and. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I filmed the whole process and going throughout it and putting it together. I ultimately did want to share it because I felt like it was. It was the most vulnerable thing I've ever posted on the Internet. Like, there. There's a moment where, like, my transfer did not work, and I'm just, like, sobbing. Like, I. It was. I didn't. I thought it was 100 gonna work. So I was, like, so excited to be.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sharing that moment. And then, like, my first transfer didn't work, and I'm just. I was like, I cannot post this on the Internet. I can, like, barely even watch this footage because it's, like, so triggering and heartbreaking to me. And I ended up posting it, and I was so glad that I did, because the purpose of it was just to, like, show the process of IVF and how I think when people say they go through ivf, it just sounds like, oh, that's cool. And I was like, this is, like, a whole process. This is months and months of your life. This is. It is super expensive, super invasive. Like, this is not an easy thing to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I wanted to show that process and also to girls who were like me, who were, like, struggling and couldn't get pregnant and were feeling like, you know, they're watching all their friends get pregnant easily and things like that. I was like, I do want to share this. And I felt like. I felt good about that because it was my. It's my journey, that. And also my husband was in it here and there, and he obviously totally consented to that as well. He was open to sharing that. But I feel. I still feel good about sharing. That is what my point is, is I felt happy that I shared that because I felt like there was, like, a bigger purpose behind it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, yeah, then once I had my daughter, I was like, oh, are people going to be sad that I'm not really sharing motherhood as much because I shared so much of ivf? But at the end of the day, I'm like, but that. This is my life and this is my choice, and I have to have boundaries that feel good to me, you know?

[A]

Yeah, I want to get into your infertility journey. But that actually made me think about. Recently, I've been seeing on social media, influencers that have gotten pregnant are now, like, getting, like. People are posting that they don't want to follow their favorite influencer because they're pregnant. And, like, all their content is, like, about them being pregnant. Yeah. Have you seen that? And, like, what are your. What are your thoughts on that?

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Okay. I feel like it's just a very. I think it's. I think it's valid to. If you're not interested in that type of. If that's not the stage of life you're in. Like, if you're a young 20s girl and then you're following this influencer and she gets pregnant and that becomes her whole thing and she's sharing all about it, I. I can understand why you'd maybe not be as interested.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What I don't understand is, like, making a scene about it and being like, I don't ever. I'm gonna unfollow. It's like, yeah, just exit silently. Like, why do you. I. Yeah, I do think it is very weird in general because it's like, not celebrating, just women in general. It's like, yeah, I don't get the big. The big deal, but it's like, if you must, then why do we have to make a big fuss? I don't get that part of it.

[A]

Yeah, no, I. I completely agree with that. And I also think the videos that I were seeing, it was people, like. Like people were going after Whitney Simmons, and it's like, all her content now is just, like, about pregnancy. Like, she's changed so much. Like, it was like, yeah, they were like getting mad that that was all that she was posting about. But also, I'm like, that's your whole

[B]

life when you're pregnant, by the way. It's like all you can think about. You're like, this is. Hello. Like, this is my new reality. It's.

[A]

Yeah, it.

[B]

It's inevitable that your content's gonna shift. And also, it's nine months, you'll be fine. Then she's gonna go back and she's gonna be still working out. She's not gonna be talking about being pregnant. So you know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, it's like her content has just changed so much. Like, she's not who she used to be.

[B]

I'm like, duh, she's pregnant.

[A]

Also, she's still posting her same workout videos. Like, it's just. I was like, I was kidding.

[B]

No. Do you know what's actually so annoying about that is I remember I posted when I was pregnant just like, photos, and people are like, I'm so sick of seeing your belly. And I was like, sorry, it's there. So. What do you mean? It's almost like this is so. I'm like, going on such a tangent. But, like, you know when people have big boobs or something and I don't, so I can't relate to this. But, like, my friend's always like, if you wear a shirt, it's like, oh, you're just trying to show off your boobs. And she's Like, I'm just wearing a shirt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I just am wearing a shirt and I have boobs. That's what it is. Yeah, that's exactly how the pregnancy thing is. It's like, you're working out and you're just happen to be pregnant. It's like, this is all you post about. I'm pregnant. I can't change that. Like, I'm sorry, I have a belly. You're gonna see it. Yeah, I can't. It's just the thing where everyone thinks that every piece of content needs to. They think it needs to please them and, like, be for them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like, yeah, that's not everyone's job to make you feel, like, perfectly safe and content and happy and.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So inspired. Like, if someone's not inspiring, you mute them.

[A]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's so true. Okay, I want to talk about your infertility journey because you've shared so much of it, and I feel like a lot of what I know you from is for sharing that. So I want to thank you for doing that, honestly, because I think it is so important, and it's something that I think we've finally tapped into, that it is way more common than a lot of people realize. Even, like, miscarriages. I've, like, I feel like I. So many of my friends, that's been such a common thing for them. But what. You kind of answered it. But what. What made you decide to, like, actually decide to finally share that that was what you were going through?

[B]

I decided pretty early on. I mean, once it had been a year of trying to get pregnant and I couldn't, I was like, for that whole year, I didn't mention that I was ever trying to get pregnant. Nothing. And then after had been a year, I was like, maybe I would talk about this publicly just because I do have a podcast and I talk pretty openly about a lot of things that I'm feeling and going through. And once I did talk about it, even the first few times, I got so many messages of people just women thanking me and being like, I feel the same way. And I think that's what made me want to share more because it just made me realize, number one, like, I felt a lot of solidarity with these people who were messaging me, you know, that they were going through it too. And I felt like it was unfortunately more normal than. Because I was, like, the only one in my, like, immediate friend group going through. I just felt very isolated. Like, it was just very easy for everyone else, and it wasn't for me. And I'm just like, what is wrong with me? And so I guess I just wanted to not normalize it, but you know what I mean, like, bring awareness to it and be like, I'm, I'm also going through this and like, life isn't perfect and.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we all go through things and this is like the thing that I'm currently dealing with. And. Yeah. I have never regretted sharing about infertility.

[A]

Yeah. Did you know before trying that infertility may have. Would maybe be an issue? Like, did you have pcos? Was there something underlying or were you just. It was something that caught you off guard.

[B]

It's, it's weird because I felt like I had a hunch like before ever, which I don't know why. And I don't know if that was just like an intrusive thought that happened to come true because I've heard other women say that they're like, I thought for sure I'd be infertile. And I like got pregnant first try. I think it's like a fear that a lot of women have just because it's for sure. If you've never tried to get pregnant, you're like, what if I can't? I don't know. So weirdly, I was always like, I wonder if I can just get pregnant easily. And I couldn't, obviously. But upon further investigation. So my husband had childhood cancer. He had leukemia. And the only. With all the testing that we ever got done, the only irregularity or thing that was off was this is like so niche. And yes, I have his consent to shift was the morphology of his sperm, which is like the shape of it.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And so they think that it could have been affected by chemotherapy. And I've heard that before. Like other women have also messaged me saying kind of similar things. And so the, the good thing, I guess about that is that it can be correct, corrected, not corrected, but they can when they're doing ivf, they're physically going in and getting the, the good shaped sperm. So it wasn't that all of them were not good. It was just that it was gonna have a hard time finding my egg and like, you know, happening on its own.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so honestly, that was kind of. I felt relieved by, by getting that information because it felt like, okay, there is something that we can do. I also did three IUIs. Do you know what IUIs are?

[A]

Can you explain them?

[B]

Because I kind of do, but it's, it's basically so it's not invasive as invasive as ivf. It's basically where they just shoot the sperm, like, into you and, like, a lot of it so that it, like, has a better chance. It's kind of a whole process, too. Like, you do take a few shots and stuff like that. But IVF is where, like, they retrieve your eggs, they take his sperm, they create an embryo, and then they put it back in you. So it's like a. A lot more.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Expensive, the whole thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I did three IUIs, like, three months in a row back a few years before I even did I ivf, and they did not work. And so then when we had all that testing, we had the information about the morphology, we were like, well, IVF seems to be the best answer. So I did feel very hopeful going into ivf.

[A]

How. How long of a journey was it before you actually did ivf?

[B]

It was around four years.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. So we didn't do anything. It was like a year of trying naturally wasn't happening. Maybe like a year and a half into it. I can't remember exact timelines off the top of my head, but we went and got tested and stuff. Then that summer, I did the IUIs, and then I waited, like, a year and a half or two years, and then I did ivf. I was like, so over all the just fertility treatments and trying to figure it out, I was like, honestly, I just want to take a break and, like, just live our best life. So we, like, traveled. I did a lot of work stuff. We just, like, tried to take our mind off it, which also. That narrative always bothers me. And people like, you just need to stop thinking about it and stuff. And I'm like, okay, I stopped thinking about it, quote unquote. Like, we weren't actively trying. We were just, like, putting it out of our mind for literally two years, and it still didn't happen. I felt like I was thriving, living my best life, truly. Like, of course I was. I thought about it sometimes, but in my head, that just wasn't the goal at that time. We just put it out of our mind, and we're like, let's just, you know, not be letting this take. It's already been taking over our life for two years. Like, let's take a breather.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, I'll, you know, let you know when I feel ready to do ivf, since it's going to be a whole thing. And, yeah. So it took a few years for me to be ready. And then I felt ready. I felt excited about it. I felt like I wanted to start that journey. So we did. But yeah, it was years.

[A]

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Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Use our exclusive link to save 20 off Honey [e-mail] the Squeeze that's HoneyLove.com the Squeeze after you check out, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you experience the new standard and comfort and support with Honey Love. How was your journey with ivf?

[B]

It was really hard, but also really empowering, weirdly. And even after my failed transfer, so I basically, I did all the shots, did the egg retrieval, transferred an embryo in. I thought it was gonna be successful. I really did. I just, like, had a really good feeling about all of it, and it just. It didn't work. So, like, after the transfer, you take a pregnancy test a week later or whatever, and I was like, so excited. Took it at home and then it was negative. And I was just like, you're kidding. Like, I have literally been devoting my life to IVF for months, to testing shots, like, so much stuff, and it didn't work. And then I started being like, is it ever.

[A]

Is it.

[B]

It's just never going to work. Like, yeah. So I. I got really down about that. That was a super hard stage of it. But my doctor was amazing. I. I love him so much. And he. He wanted me to do a mock transfer the following month, or I think I had to take one month off, but which is essentially when they, like, pretend like you do all the shots, you do all the same stuff. It's like you're transferring, but then instead they like, come and take a little thing out of you and test it anyway. We did that and we got good information from that that he was like, oh, you are actually something called pre receptive. So we need to give you one extra day of shots and then we're going to input. We're going to put the embryo in next time. A day later than we did. It's like this whole science thing. So I was like, okay. So then I felt more positive and then I did that next transfer and that's when I got pregnant.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Yeah, it was a lot of up, ups and downs. But I think throughout the whole thing, I felt empowered because I was making progress on something. Like, I felt like, okay, I'm trying everything possible. It's not just not like sitting around. I'm literally doing all the tests. I'm doing everything. I'm doing all the science. I'm like, putting myself through the wringer to. To make this happen. So I felt empowered by that in a weird way.

[A]

Yeah, no, absolutely. Yeah. I know that your co host and your best friend got pregnant while you were dealing with your infertility stuff and that. Correct me if I'm wrong, that wasn't a struggle that she went through, right?

[B]

No.

[A]

How. How was that for you?

[B]

It was so, so hard. It was such a. Oh, it was a bad situation because I. I Didn't tell anyone that. So people knew I was doing ivf, but I didn't tell anyone that I had transferred. So I literally didn't tell you anyone. I was gonna surprise, like, the close people in my life. I. Because, again, I thought it was gonna work that I was pregnant.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then it didn't work. And I was just like, I need support now. Like, I've been, like, going through this all alone. Like, they knew that I had done the egg retrieval and stuff, but I was like, I'm not gonna transfer for. For a few months. And then I did that month, and so I was like, oh, I'm excited to, like, surprise everyone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Didn't work. So then I was going to again. I thought I was going to tell her I was pregnant, but then I ended up having to tell her I wasn't. And I was like, I just, like, at this point, I'm not just gonna, like, suffer in silence. And then, you know, like, I want the people close to me to know that, like, I'm going through this very hard thing. So I told her, and it was super sad. And then, like. And at that point, she had found out she was pregnant, like, one day before. So I, like, she came over to my house, and I was like, I have to tell you something. And I was like, sobbing. I was like, I'm not pregnant. Like, I thought I would be. I get emotional talking about it now because it was just, like, so, so sad and so hard. And then literally, like, three days later, she was like, I have to tell you something. Like, I'm so sorry. And she had found out she's pregnant unexpectedly. And I was just like, oh, this sucks. Yeah, it was just such bad timing, you know? And we had a trip, actually, like, a brand trip that we were going on, like, super soon after. And I remember we were just, like, sitting on the beach, and we were both just crying. And I was like, I want to be happy for you, that I am, but I'm so sad. And she was like, I'm so sorry. And, like, I don't know. The reason I get so emotional about it now is because I feel like we are so lucky to have each other. Yeah, I feel like it would be so easy to, like, I don't know. I just felt like we were both so open and honest that there wasn't any, like, resentment or anger. It was truly just like, this is a really sucky situation. But, um. But I was telling her, like, I still want to hear about your symptoms. Like, I don't Want you to, like, shy away from telling me about. This is exciting, you know? And I was also super sad because I was like, our babies literally would have been like, days apart. Like, you know, I was just, like, thinking about all the what ifs. Like, because if I. If I told her I was pregnant that day, she could have literally told me a few days later, like, I'm also pregnant. And we could have been. Seriously, our babies would have been due, like, within days. And so it was just like, very crushing because I was like, again, it was just like, reiterating that thing. It's like, okay, it's so easy for everyone else. It's, like, so difficult for me. I'm doing so much. I'm, like, paying so much money and it's still not working. And so it was just a really, really hard time. But I. I think, like, being able to share that. And she. She was just like, I'm so sorry. Like, I. I, you know, don't know how to be there perfectly. But, like, I want. I want to. And, like, anyway, it was just a lot of. We had, like, so many conversations. And that was her second baby, too. And so anyway, it was just a super, super hard time, but nothing we could do about it. And it didn't, like, change. It's. I think it made our friendship stronger because we're both just like, this doesn't, like. We just love each other. It doesn't change anything. It's like, just. It sucks. And that's just how it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I ended up getting pregnant, like, two months later. And so our babies, like, now that they. They're like, hold hands all the time when they're together and they're like two and a apart, and it's like. It's literally nothing in the grand scheme of things, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're so close in age. It's so much fun. She has a boy, I have a girl. And it's like, it's been so magical to be able to go through that together. And again, it was like a blip in time. That was, like, very, very hard. And I think very valid that it was hard for both of us because something else. And I was telling her this when we were, like, crying on the beach together. I was like. Something that just, like, makes me so sad is that I feel like my friends can't be themselves. They can't be excited around me. Like, they're getting pregnant and they want to tell everyone and be so excited, and they just, like, can't because it's like they know that I'm sad, you know, and that's like, that's so sweet of them. They're good friends, but it's like, I don't want you to have to. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dim your. Dim your excitement because of someone else. And like, the fact that I'm just like that sore spot, like, I don't. It makes me feel bad. So, yeah, it was like, just a struggle for a while and. But I think it was. It was also cool to see, like, our friendship just be so solid and like, we still had such a fun trip and like, we were laughing the whole time. It was just like, really that, that moment that we were just like, this is the worst.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know.

[A]

Wow. Well, thank you for sharing that.

[B]

Yeah. No, I was not expecting to get email.

[A]

I love it. It's special. No, I can, I mean, I can just tell so much how, how deeply you both love each other just like, from that. And like, I was getting emotional, like, thinking about, like, having, you know, one day if I'm gonna have to, like, walk through that with my close friends and like, it's just so special finding friendship like that where, like, you just equally want to be sad, yet celebrate the other. And it's so special that you guys are able to, like, communicate and that you're still, like, so close.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love what you said about, like, you still wanting people around you to be, like, excited and to not like, dim their celebration. A girlfriend of mine, her mom just passed away unexpectedly and we have, you know, seen each other and a lot of us are like, you know, our whole group of girlfriends is blowing her up non stop. Just like, hey, love you. Thinking of you. Like, just texting her. And one of my friends, she lost her dad at 16 and we were talking about it and she was like, the biggest thing that, when I was going through that is I just wanted people to be normal around me. Like, I didn't want them to treat me like I was in bubble wrap. Like, I wanted them to, like, just, you know, be able to, like, have fun and not have to, like, baby me and ask me how I'm doing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, checking in with your friends is obviously important, but when she said that, I was like, wow. I've never actually, like, thought about it like that. So you saying that, it really, it just made me think of that. And would you say, like, would that be advice for someone that maybe. Let's say I, my friend is going through infertility and is struggling that what would be like Your advice for them, I think.

[B]

For them or for you supporting them?

[A]

I would say for. Honestly, let's do both. I would say for the support system. And then you can do.

[B]

I think that it. It's so different depending on the person. I'm like that. Like, you. You said with your friend, I didn't want people to. To constantly be asking me if I was okay or, like, obviously it means a lot when people check in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I didn't want it to be like, we go to a gather or we're going to a baby shower, and it's like, oh, like, you know, I'm just like, I'm here celebrating, you guys. I want to be here too. I don't want to be treated like, yeah, you know, pity and stuff. So that's my personality. I think everyone's different, so you kind of have to know your friend.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When you're supporting them. I also think that there's no right thing to say to someone going through really anything. You don't know what. What to say when someone's going through loss or infertility. It's really hard to know. And I think just, like, the effort is all that matters of, like, showing up and saying you care and acknowledging, like, with my best friend Chelsea, like, when she told me she was pregnant and she just knew that I lost my transfer, she, you know, has enough awareness to not film my reaction or, like, tell me in public with people. Like, we were in private, we were in the car together. She was like, sobbing. You know what I mean? It's like she. So I think just like, being aware of your friends and also knowing as the person going through it, there's nothing that anyone can say. Because when people would be like, oh, it'll happen, it'll happen. I'm like, you don't know if it's gonna happen. So, like, let's not promise, you know, I know you're trying to be positive, but then also, if people were like, that's my worst nightmare. Like, that's so hard. I'm like, okay, so I'm like, going through the worst thing ever. You know what I mean? It's like, there's nothing that I felt like there was nothing that really helped. Yeah, it's just like something that it's your journey that you're going through, you know? And I think the. The thing that was helpful was just like, being normal, having normal girls nights and not talking about it. Honestly, to me, that was best case scenario, you know, unless I wanted to bring it up.

[A]

Yeah. For sure. Going through that and then postpartum being a mom now how have you learned to prioritize your mental health?

[B]

I think it's so important like to be a good mom. Personally, I feel like that starts with me. It starts with being the best version of myself. If I'm feeling scattered and just like I'm not taking care of myself, it's much harder to be, you know, it's much easier for me to get like over stimulated and just be like, oh my gosh, this is so much. If I'm not taking my own time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've recently been trying to become a morning person. I did see a few months.

[A]

I did see that. How's that going?

[B]

So you know, it's actually going decently well.

[A]

I.

[B]

Are you a morning person? You are. You're one of the lucky ones. How early do you wake up usually?

[A]

Well Normally I'm like 7:45.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And sometimes I wake up at like 7:10 before sometimes. But I also like it's. This sounds so dumb. We have two dogs and one of them, she has like overpredict way too much detail. She has like an overproductive like acid in her stomach so she throws up if she doesn't eat. So. So. And she's like our baby. So I'm like, I like stress about her like tearing up her bile because it's just like the saddest like so

[B]

you have to get up early to feed her is what you're saying. Yeah.

[A]

So I just like can't sleep in. But I also think that if I went to bed earlier then I would wake up earlier because my husband is a night owl.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And.

[B]

But you have like energy in the morning. Yeah, you're more of a.

[A]

When I'm. When I wake up I'm like, I'm awake.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

That's me.

[B]

And that's not like my truth. So I've always been just such a sleepy girl in the morning. I've considered myself a night owl. Like I work until late, I'll watch a show until late and then I'll just. Obviously with a kid like that's just not an option anymore. So I, I have to get up earlier. And so I've been trying to train myself because I would. Ideally what I've realized now is I'm like, I have felt so scattered trying to find my routine and I was realizing it's cuz it's a big priority for me to work out. I really want to. I wanted to get back into shape and like just Feel strong and feel healthy. But I was, like, trying to fit my workout in randomly throughout the day with work, with being. I'm just like, this is not working. So I realized I needed to do it ideally before she even wakes up, you know, so I've been moving the alarm back earlier and earlier to try and wake up before and get my full workout in before she's even awake.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What was becoming my reality is, like, I was waking up to her already awake, and I'm, like, immediately thrown into. Yeah, mom life.

[A]

You can't, like, acclimate yourself.

[B]

Yes. So to have, like, silence in the morning. Yeah, silence and just alone time is huge for me personally. Like, I have to recharge that way. I'm super. I like to be extroverted. I love being in a group, but I need to be alone to recharge. No. I'm the oldest daughter, though, and there's a big age gap. I have two little brothers.

[A]

Okay. I'm an only child. I've learned later in life that my. I need. I need, like, time alone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, fully, like, mental. That's why I also love waking up early because my husband sleeps in. So I like, get the whole morning to, like, clean and have my coffee and do my journaling and, like, I get, like, work done. And then he wakes up like, a couple hours later and I'm like, have done, like, so much already. And I, like, feel, like, energized and ready to go.

[B]

It is really nice.

[A]

Yeah. How.

[B]

Okay. Not to, like, interview you, but how did you like growing up as an only child? Like, did you always wish you had siblings? Are you kind of, like, happy now or what's the vibe?

[A]

I think I see my thing was I was an only child and I didn't have any cousins at all my age. They were either, like, 10 years older or 10 years younger. So I just was kind of like, with the adults all the time. I think growing up, I didn't really notice it because I was always like, I like to dance growing up. So I was always like, a dance. I always did, like, growing up before high school, I did, like, dance at another sport. So I was like, out of the house all the time. Okay. And my best friend growing up, she was also an only child, so we would do, like, family vacations together. I think honestly now later in life, I've have clocked it more. Like, I.

[B]

It. I was like, you wish you had a sibling? Maybe. Yeah.

[A]

I think I was telling my dad this the other day that it makes me sad that My kids won't have, like, a blood, like, aunt and uncle. Like, and, I mean, they'll have. My husband has a sister and she has kids, so, like, they obviously have, like, an aunt and uncle and they'll have cousins, but, like, from my side of the family, they won't. So that's kind of, like, really the only bum. But, like, okay. I was able to do, like, so much like, my parents, you know, they were both worked, and they really, like, were able. I was able to do so much

[B]

of what I wanted to provide for you, and, like. Yeah. So I'm. I'm sourcing. I'm sourcing answers because I'm like, I just told you how hard the whole IVF pregnancy, I'm like, do I want another one? I would love for her to have a sibling, but what do we think about the only child?

[A]

I know, I know. No, there's definitely. There's definitely pros and cons. I honestly think if I wasn't an only child, I would maybe have one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, just because I wouldn't have known. But there's pros and cons, so whatever.

[B]

I'll be. I'll be thinking about it. Yeah.

[A]

I don't think I actually really thought about it until the freaking Nader sisters came out with their show.

[B]

And I was like, so relatable. So relatable.

[A]

They're just, like, cute little sisters, like, living their lives together and, like, seeing them in person, too. Like, they're just, like, so cute. Like. Like, they're all just, like, best. I'm like, oh, frick.

[B]

I feel like that watching the Kardashians, too, because there's so many of them, and I'm like, I know. It's so fun. Like, I'm not gonna do that. Yeah, it sounds so fun.

[A]

Yeah. No, yeah, yeah, no, that's. That's.

[B]

That ship has sailed.

[A]

Yeah. Already too much coming out.

[B]

Way too much.

[A]

Too. Too many things. Last question I have for you is when you most proud of yourself for.

[B]

Oh, I think I'm the most proud of myself for just putting effort into my life. Like, even when things are hard, I feel like through good times and bad times, I always try and just put a lot. I don't even know if that makes sense, but I try and just, like, romanticize life and put a lot of effort into it. I feel like those little things, like, those little routines and little touches in life, like getting fresh flowers for my house or, like, waking up early and. And making myself a workout playlist that I really like and like putting that time aside, I feel like that's something that I'm proud that I always strive for is like putting effort into those little things and just like making sure that life is feeling like joyful to me and I feel proud that I did that all throughout, like infertility and. And other hard things that I've been through that like, I still show up for myself in that way. Yeah, I think. I think that's my answer.

[A]

I love that. That's so special. Well, thanks for coming and chatting.

[B]

Thanks for having me. This was so fun and so chill.

[A]

Got a nice cry. We got a nice laugh. I know. Really covered all the bases.

[B]

We did. Thank you so much for having me. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.