Sienna Mae Gomez: Reclaiming My Voice

Summary

Episode Summary: "Sienna Mae Gomez: Reclaiming My Voice"

Podcast: The Squeeze
Host: Taylor Lautner
Co-Host: Taylor Lautner’s Husband
Guest: Sienna Mae Gomez
Release Date: August 6, 2025

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1. Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of The Squeeze, host Taylor Lautner and her husband delve deep into the tumultuous journey of Sienna Mae Gomez. Known for her vibrant online presence, Sienna opens up about her struggles with mental health, the impact of sudden fame, and her path to healing and self-discovery.

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2. From High School to the Limelight

Sienna begins by recounting her abrupt transition from a regular high schooler dedicating five hours a day to dance, to a social media sensation chased by Hollywood. She describes the overwhelming shift in her life:

"I literally went from a normal high schooler doing dance five, five hours a day and attending high school to then, like, going to LA parties and, like, people knowing who I was and, like, Hollywood is freaking chasing me, like, random. Like, such a switch."
— Sienna Mae Gomez [00:23]

This sudden fame brought with it not only thousands of followers but also intense scrutiny and negativity.

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3. Coping with Online Harassment and Cancel Culture

Sienna discusses the dark side of her online fame, detailing the harsh comments and the emotional toll they took on her. She reflects on the contradiction of experiencing both adoration and vitriol in the digital space.

"Losing hundreds of thousands of followers. People being like, go kill yourself."
— Sienna Mae Gomez [00:23]

Despite the negativity, she found solace in the real-world relationships and communities that supported her.

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4. The Lowest Point: A Suicide Attempt

One of the most poignant moments in the episode is when Sienna bravely shares her darkest hour—the night she attempted to take her own life. She describes the immediate aftermath and the feelings of isolation, even amidst family support.

"There was a night that I don't really think I've ever even talked about this online, but I attempted and they took me to this. Like, I just feel bad for my family because I feel like they were trying so hard to keep me there. I really think that it's just my time to go."
— Sienna Mae Gomez [00:44]

Her candidness provides listeners with a raw and honest perspective on the severity of her struggles.

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5. The Turning Point: Faith and Community Support

Emerging from her lowest point, Sienna highlights the crucial role of her faith and the support from her church community in her journey towards healing. She emphasizes the abundance of love and genuine connections she found outside the online realm.

"Even though I was like numb when I came back to what was happening off online, when I put my phone down and like, I didn't look at what these random kids in like Ohio are saying about me, I was like, it felt the love around me."
— Sienna Mae Gomez [05:40]

Her faith in Christ became the cornerstone of her rebuilding process, helping her reclaim her identity beyond the noise of the internet.

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6. Reclaiming Her Voice: Sharing Her Story

Sienna discusses the decision to openly share her story, motivated by a desire to offer hope to others facing similar challenges. She reflects on the courage it took to step back into the public eye and the positive responses she received.

"Or it could go the other way and people could see my side and people could hear my story and maybe it could bring somebody light and maybe it could bring somebody hope that what they're going through is also going to be okay."
— Sienna Mae Gomez [26:23]

Her openness not only humanizes her but also serves as a beacon for those struggling with mental health issues.

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7. Healthy Relationships and Personal Growth

The episode delves into Sienna's personal growth, particularly through her healthy and supportive relationship with her partner, Cole. She shares how this relationship has been instrumental in her healing process, providing a safe space free from the pressures of her past experiences.

"He'll carry it for me when it's too heavy for me. So I think once before I met Cole. Yes. I was, like, nervous, and I was like, oh, I'm not gonna find anybody."
— Sienna Mae Gomez [45:38]

Their relationship exemplifies mutual support and understanding, reinforcing the importance of healthy partnerships in personal well-being.

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8. Tools and Strategies for Mental Health

Sienna outlines several strategies that have been pivotal in maintaining her mental health:

• Nature and Solitude: Spending time at the beach, hiking, and embracing solitude to reconnect with herself.

  "I really like to be sometimes alone when I'm going through something heavy. I think I've always found a lot of solitude and comfort in the beach."
  — Sienna Mae Gomez [54:20]

• Physical Activity: Engaging in strength training and surfing to boost her mood through physical exertion.

  "When I started strength training, when I started working out, when I started going on walks consistently, when I got into surfing, I felt so much happier because I felt stronger and I felt proud of myself for doing something hard."
  — Sienna Mae Gomez [58:34]

• Open Communication: Maintaining open lines of communication with her family and avoiding isolation when faced with negativity.

  "If I'm going through something, I'm able to, you know, talk through it with somebody who I know cares about me."
  — Sienna Mae Gomez [54:53]

These practices underscore the importance of holistic approaches to mental health, blending physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

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9. Rapid Fire Segment

In a light-hearted rapid-fire session, Sienna shares personal insights that further humanize her:

1. Movie or Song Describing Her Mental Health Today: "Life is Good by Forest Frank." [67:03]
2. Openness When Struggling: "Very open, nearly a 10." [67:12]
3. Favorite Form of Self-Care: "Going through the car wash and spending time at the beach." [67:44]
4. Most Misunderstood Thing About Her: "People think I'm so much older than I am and my height." [68:01]
5. Most Positive Impact on Her Mental Health: "God." [68:26]
6. Moment to Revisit and Advise Her Younger Self: "The ride back after my suicide attempt with my dad, telling myself that it's going to be okay and better." [68:34]

This segment provides a glimpse into Sienna's personal reflections and her sense of humor amidst serious discussions.

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10. Conclusion

The episode wraps up with heartfelt interactions between the hosts and Sienna, celebrating her resilience and growth. Both hosts express their admiration and support for Sienna, highlighting the transformative power of sharing one’s story.

"This has been fun and I'm excited to see you again with the ring on your finger."
— Sienna May (Host) [68:55]

Sienna concludes by affirming her pride in her faith and resilience, emphasizing that despite past hardships, she remains hopeful for the future.

"I'm proud of my faith. I'm proud of my resilience and for not becoming bitter and dark. I think the path I was on before I got through this redirection would have made me like that. I think I was around people and environments that felt dirty and dark."
— Sienna Mae Gomez [63:13]

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Key Takeaways

• The Duality of Online Fame: While social media can elevate individuals to fame, it can also expose them to intense harassment and negative scrutiny.

• Importance of Real-World Support: Authentic relationships and community support play a crucial role in mental health and healing.

• Faith and Personal Resilience: Strong personal beliefs and inner strength are foundational in overcoming life’s toughest challenges.

• Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Engaging in physical activities, seeking solitude in nature, and maintaining open communication are effective strategies for maintaining mental well-being.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "I felt like I had such a bright future. How is there even gonna be a day after this?"
  — Unknown Guest [00:08]

• "Numb. Really hard. Literally went from a normal high schooler to then, like, people knowing who I was in, like, Hollywood is freaking chasing me."
  — Sienna Mae Gomez [00:23]

• "There was a night that I don't really think I've ever even talked about this online, but I attempted and they took me to this."
  — Sienna Mae Gomez [00:44]

• "I was really blessed to find really good friends during this time because ... it felt the love around me."
  — Sienna Mae Gomez [06:40]

• "I think timing for me plays a really important part in my life."
  — Sienna Mae Gomez [26:15]

• "Pain can feel so big at the moment, and then you can look back and be like, that was just a vapor."
  — Sienna Mae Gomez [53:30]

---

This episode serves as a profound exploration of Sienna Mae Gomez's journey through fame, mental health struggles, and her inspirational path to reclaiming her voice. Her story underscores the significance of authentic connections, personal faith, and resilience in overcoming adversity.

Transcript

[Sienna May]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This is kind of the first time that we're really gonna dive into some stuff.

[Unknown Guest]

I felt like I had such a bright future. How is there even gonna be a day after this? That was, like. That was really bad.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

What did those first, like, few days and weeks look like for you?

[Unknown Guest]

Numb. Really hard. Literally went from a normal high schooler to then, like, people knowing who I was in, like, Hollyw is freaking chasing me. Like, such a switch. Losing hundreds of thousands of followers. People being like, go kill yourself. Like, yeah.

[Sienna May]

What was, like, the lowest point for you?

[Unknown Guest]

There was a night that I don't really think I've ever even talked about this online, but I attempted and they took me to this. Like, I just feel bad for my family because I feel like they were trying so hard to keep me there. I really think that it's just my time to go.

[Sienna May]

Sienna May, welcome to the Squeeze.

[Unknown Guest]

Thank you for having me.

[Sienna May]

We've been literally talking for, like, 20 minutes.

[Unknown Guest]

I'm excited to be here.

[Sienna May]

I'm so excited to have you. I, like, love following you on social media. I feel like you are such a light and your content is always so, like, fun and uplifting. And I know whenever I'm watching your stuff, I'm gonna get, like, inspired or.

[Unknown Guest]

Feel happy or am I gonna cry? Five seconds. I'm literally gonna. I'm literally tearing up. Okay. I'm about to start my period today, so just, like, act normal. It's all fine.

[Sienna May]

Oh, my God. That's really sweet.

[Unknown Guest]

Thank you.

[Sienna May]

Oh, my gosh.

[Unknown Guest]

I appreciate that.

[Sienna May]

I know I'm not the only one. I can speak for a lot of us girlies that feel that way, but thank you. I'm excited to have you on, cuz this is kind of the first time that we're really going to, like, dive into some stuff.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

So I'm honored that you wanted to do that here with me. But we do start each episode off with this jar. It's a game called Citrus Got Real.

[Unknown Guest]

Okay.

[Sienna May]

You want to pull a little question friend out of there?

[Unknown Guest]

One of these?

[Sienna May]

Yes. Okay. And let us know what she says.

[Unknown Guest]

Oh, this is easy. If you could only wear one color for the rest of your life, what would it be? White. Easy. Just white.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Or maybe, like, does denim count as a color?

[Sienna May]

I'll allow it.

[Unknown Guest]

Okay. I say white or denim.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Oh, yeah.

[Sienna May]

I kind of agree with the denim.

[Unknown Guest]

Thing because think about, like, pants.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

You know, pink pants all the time. That'd be kind of rough.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

What about You. Well, I guess it's not your question, but.

[Sienna May]

No, I will answer. No, I think I might have to. I mean, or black, but I feel like summer, I don't want to wear.

[Unknown Guest]

I also don't really like how I look in black, so I think white for me is a little bit better.

[Sienna May]

Oh, I think this.

[Unknown Guest]

The dark skin, the white features a little bit better.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Because it's like, pop a little bit.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

But black is a good one too.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

Black, white, or denim? That's not really an answer, but all of the above.

[Unknown Guest]

Okay. My final answer is white.

[Sienna May]

Okay. I might go. I honestly might go with the denim one.

[Unknown Guest]

Oh, wow.

[Sienna May]

I think I'm gonna go with denim.

[Unknown Guest]

Steal my answer.

[Sienna May]

It was. Yeah, I know. I had to. It was. It was a good answer. I had to take it. Okay, so I'm excited to dive into this with you today because you are no stranger to online bullying, harassment, cancel culture, all of that stuff. All of it. But your story is so much more than that because I really feel like it's a story of healing, growth, and faith. And I'm just, like, really excited to hear your story. I feel like I'm. I am chronically online, but I'm not involved chronically online. So I don't know much of your story of as it was going on.

[Unknown Guest]

I literally went from a normal high schooler doing dance five, five hours a day and attending high school to then, like, going to LA parties and, like, people knowing who I was and, like, Hollywood Fix is freaking chasing me, like, random. Like, such a switch that I don't really think anybody in that era of, like, 2020 TikTok that kind of blew up then really knew what was, because it was, like, also crazy. But, yeah, that was a weird time.

[Sienna May]

I. I can't imagine being a kid.

[Unknown Guest]

During that time too. Like, that was so weird.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Because I was 16, but I felt 25.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

I think that's what people forget about people that are on the Internet. Like, a lot of times. Like, these people are young.

[Unknown Guest]

Totally.

[Sienna May]

And they don't know what's going on. I still don't know what's going on. And I'm 28. Like, yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

You know, And Lord knows I wasn't my best self at 16. Like, I was. I was a brat. Like, I was like, mom, shut up. Like, every 16 year old, every teenager is just trying to go through freaking puberty and trying to figure out who they are. So to also then kind of feel the weight of the Internet fall into my lap in a loving way was like, wow, I really am amazing.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And then have it all go away was like, wow, I really am nothing.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

You know, how long did the numbness last for you? I feel like.

[Unknown Guest]

You know, I was really blessed to find really good friends during this time because I think that although I had, like I said, the rejection of the Internet and a really extreme redirection where I took my life completely offline, my life in person became extremely, like, extremely. I just keep thinking the word abundant. Like, yeah, I, I got amazing friends. I found an amazing church community. I had people that were like praying for me, had their hands on me. And so even though I was like numb when I came back to what was happening off online, when I put my phone down and like, I didn't look at what these random kids in like Ohio are saying about me, I was like, it felt the love around me.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And I really feel like these people that came to my life were like real life angels like around me, just like loving me, holding me, keeping me, protecting me. So I think the numbness kind of, I think there was like almost a grief, like when you lose someone and you remember that you lost someone.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

That kind of would hit me here and there, like maybe a couple times a day of like, dang, what am I going to do? My career, these people that I loved, I'm never going to be able to create again. Because that was also one of like the main things that I was so sad about. It wasn't even about people's perceptions. It was that I wasn't making videos. Cuz I love making videos. I love like creating stuff, I love editing stuff. I always getting like creative concepts. And I think that stopping that.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Was one of the harder things because I was like, dang, I don't have any way to like make something.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

That I love to do.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

So the numbness was there when it, when it like seeped in.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

But for the most part I was okay because I was like in Hawaii and like I was like in the ocean and I was surfing and I was like learning how to snorkel and I was like with my people and I was cooking and.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And working out. And so I was like, I was okay, but I think it just would hit me here and there and I'd be like, I really don't know what I'm gonna do, but I guess I'll figure it out.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

You know?

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

I feel like there's so much wisdom behind like the putting the phone down. I mean, obviously in Your scenario, you needed to put the phone down because you were being attacked online. But even like this past month, like I've been away, I've been living summer and like I've barely been on my phone and I don't have any negativity coming through my social media, but still being removed from it, like, we forget that we need that, like totally to, you know, everyone says touch grass. Like we actually need to do that and we need to go outside and do those things and have that connection with people because it's so, it's so important, truly.

[Unknown Guest]

And I'm, I'm grateful too, because a lot of people that I was around are older than me and so a lot of them were like 22, 23, 24, who have now become my family.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

When I was like 17, 16, not 16, 17, 18, you know, all the years after. So I feel like I got a lot of their wisdom and a lot of their experiences.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Because they've all also been through just like a different era of life.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Than me. So I was kind of poured into in that era.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Of my life that I needed people to be pouring into me and luckily I got that. So. Yeah. I think we, we really do forget how much better life is when we're actually living it.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Versus just like taking pictures of everything and living it to, to live on socials, you know, it's so true.

[Sienna May]

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[Unknown Guest]

Well, I think I try to. I'd like to remember it sometimes better than it was. So, like, obviously I had an amazing community. I had a church family. I had people around me, but was not an easy time. And there were some really bad low points. And I don't really think I've ever even talked about this online, but there was a night that I attempted to commit suicide, and they took me to this, like, this, like, hospital for, like, it was, like, troubled, not troubled teens because all the girls in there were just hurt.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

But that was, like. That was really bad. Yeah, because that was, like, I just felt bad for my family because I feel like they were trying so hard to keep me there. And I think everybody in my family and my friends, like, went through it with me, which I didn't feel alone in that, but I didn't take away from the moments that I did feel alone. And I was like, I really think that it's just my time to go.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And also, it doesn't help when, like, everybody's telling you to do that too. Yeah, I think that was. That takes the place of number one low.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

But luckily, you know, I spent, like, 72 hours, like, there, and that was the worst 72 hours of my life. I was like, oh, my gosh, get me out of here. Like, I need to. I feel so grateful for every little thing. Once getting out of. It wasn't even, like, a mental hospital, but it was like, it was like, where they watch over these teenage girls that all have, like, overdose and drug issues or, like, abuse problems with family members or a lot of them had attempted suicide the same day or the day before. And so being around like all these kind of like hurt girls as well.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Made me so grateful for my life because I was like, every. All these people are going through it too. Like, I'm not the only one that's like dealing with some crap right now. And I think that once I got out, because I was only in there for like two and a half, three days, I listened to every beat in music. I was like. Because there was no music. There was no. Actually, you know what's so funny? I think Twilight was the only movie in there. Of course. I'm not kidding. I think it was like the only age appropriate movie we were allowed to watch on them. Like old ass tv. Oh my gosh, that's funny. That's so good. But there was like no music. We couldn't even go outside. There was like 30 minutes of outside time.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And it was just sad. Like it just felt cold. That once my dad, like, my dad actually stayed outside the entire 72 hours because he was so worried and he. I actually got taken by the government, like, without their permission. Because once you admit to a hospital that. Because I was underage. Once my parents admitted and said to the hospital that they thought I was a liability, that I was going to commit suicide.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

They didn't have control over me anymore. So they were like, we will watch her. We will watch her. Don't take her there. Like that's. She. That's not a good place for her to go right now. With a ton of other teenage girls who also know who probably know who she is. And. But it was their say didn't matter because they had already admitted to the hospital that they thought I was going to commit suicide and that I had attempted. And so my dad waited outside the entire time. And there was like this super old phone that you could dial like a number on.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

With like the spirally cord. And I would like call him and oh my God, I could just tell he was crying. And I would like never hear my dad cry. And he was like, don't, don't worry, babe. I'm right outside. Like, you're okay. And yeah, that was really tough. But once I got out, I was just like so grateful to. To hold my dad's hand, to listen to music, to see grass, to touch my animals. It made me like so grateful for every little thing that actually makes life so, like, simple and beautiful.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

To call my friends, text my friends and just be like, I love you guys. You Know it, it almost brought me to a lower low that I appreciated the low I was at.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

If that makes sense. I don't know. It was a really, really weird like fever dream experience.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Because I got like completely stripped from my parents taken away and they were like treating me like it was just so weird. They were almost like mental health was like a, like a cry, like, like a weird crime almost. It was just such an interesting thing. It wasn't like, are you okay? We need to help you. It was like almost being punished for wanting to commit suicide when that's obviously like a much deeper.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Issue.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

For sure.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

Thank you for sharing that.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah. Hopefully that wasn't too much. I'm sorry. I've got like lore behind my, behind my pass.

[Sienna May]

I think it's so important because obviously, look, I am, I'm the same as you. I am so like, I'm so optimistic and I'm always like, it was hard, but I, it. But I knew I had these people, I had this. And so I feel like after that was when you kind of. I don't want to say like the upwardness of healing, but do you feel like after that like you really like did start to actually heal?

[Unknown Guest]

Totally.

[Sienna May]

What, what was it like for you to find your identity as who you were outside of what the Internet was saying?

[Unknown Guest]

I think it was actually pretty easy to find my identity when I didn't have the noise.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Like I, I didn't know what people were saying about me, which now I think it's actually hilarious because there were people who were like, there were like actual news articles that were like, she, this is heavy, she committed suicide, she's no longer with us. And I was like, how can it like a news article write something like that with no proof?

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Like there were. People were literally convinced because I had gone off social media for months that I was dead and that I was like off the grid somewhere. Like, which is so weird. So I didn't even have that kind of noise in the back of my head because I was just like busy living like a 17 year old girl does.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

18 year old girl. I think at that point. And this is really when I started to develop a strong faith and I think rooting my identity not really in myself, but in Christ and learning about his life and hearing so much from my community about other people's issues. Yeah, I know. I'm sure that's something that you hear all the time is like when you hear other people's issues, it kind of makes you Feel better about your own.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Because you're like, wow, there are so many people who have gone through so many things. Every single person listening. You and I have all gone through our own experiences and hardships and losses and grief and hardness that I almost became grateful for what I was going through because it was online, but it wasn't in real life. Like, I've. Till this day, I've never had anybody, like, want fight me or, like, ever even say anything to me or, like, I hate you. If anything, it's like a mean look. But they could just be having a bad day.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

There. It doesn't have to be at me. They might not know who I am.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Um, so I was honestly really grateful that my whole debacle, my whole whatever, cancel culture thing was literally just when I picked up my phone and looked at comments.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And I'm also grateful because, like, while there were tons of mean people and tons of mean articles and whatever, there were also some people even, like, social media people who were like, this is so stupid. What is everyone talking about? Can we please use logical, like, logic for a moment? And so although there was hate, there was also still some, like, love and support, even when it was not as loud or not as popular. So I think that I was really grateful to be offline and be able to develop my identity and kind of figure out who I was alone, almost like in the quiet.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

That's so great. What made you decide to finally share your story?

[Unknown Guest]

When you do live in confidence in God and you live in a sort of assurance that what you are doing and saying is the truth and. And trying to be light, then you win. Then. Then you don't have anything to prove. And I think I've really tried to live my life in an authentic way to where I'm. I'm just trying to become a healthier woman. I'm just trying to be a kinder person. I'm trying to live with grace. And it was almost like, this is too much.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And so I think timing for me plays a really important part in my life. And everything I do. I think there's timing for everything. And I think that for my. Myself, personally, I believe that God's timing in my life has. Is better than I could believe, is better than I could do. And so I always kind of had this little seed of a thought of, like, maybe it would be kind of nice for me to share my testimony. Not to get vindication necessarily, but to share, because I know that this is the classic story of high School drama where the girl feels like she is hated by the whole school.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

You know, and so I had that little seed of a thought and then that seed just kept growing. And then I would tell my friends about it, like new friends, and they'd be like, this is crazy. Like, you have to tell people this.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And then I would be in church and then the message would be, like, about sharing your testimony and how important it is for other people to share your testimony because you can bring people hope.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And so that little seed kind of like grew over the course of, I don't know, maybe two years.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And that's also when I got into my long term relationship that I've been in now for three years, where I would tell him everything I was going through too. And he would always encourage me, like, you know, maybe not now, but I think that would really be important for you to share at some point too. So in January of this year, 2025, I turned 21, and I feel like I had a lot of things stripped from me at the past couple of years that I was kind of like, well, this could go either way. I could share my story and I can, you know, revoke any, any progress that I've had the past couple of years of people being like, hey, we love you again, we forgive you, whatever. Thanks for coming back on the Internet. And people could just write me off again, which, you know, I've already experienced and it's, I'm okay.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Or it could go the other way and people could see my side and people could hear my story and maybe it could bring somebody light and maybe it could bring somebody hope that what they're going through is also going to be okay. And I got so many DMs from people, so many DMs from girls, specifically teenage girls who have reached out to me and been like, thank you for sharing. You're somebody I look up to. You're somebody who I love. And, you know, I try to post content now that's like motivational. Not necessarily like motivational in like a cringy way, which is like, I don't know, real vulnerable, talking about real, real stuff. Because, like, the Internet's so perfect nowadays. It's just boring. So when I see the DMS from girls, and I think that I'm very grateful that it kind of swung in the second way, even though I was gonna be okay no matter what, that I was able to share my story and it resonate with people. And people be like, wow, you were so young. And like, how did you even. What even happened?

[Sienna May]

How.

[Unknown Guest]

How are you? Okay.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And, like, God's grace. I don't know how, like, I literally don't know how I. How I'm here. I mean, I do, but.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah. So I'm very grateful for the past, like, six months. I feel like this last six months, since I've shared my testimony, since I've shared my story, and, yeah, I really just tried to not take any of the credit for it because, like, at the end of the day, I'm, like, still a flawed person and, like, I'm not perfect at all. And so for me to be like, oh, my gosh, look at all this growth I've done is just like, it wasn't me. Like, it was. It was truly God in my. In my story and the community around me. And so I think that if I could just share that with somebody and offer some sort of hope, that's just more important than keeping it to myself.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

Because we don't realize, like, how, like, you know, obviously the degree of what you went through was massive on the Internet, but even just this happens all the time to girls in high school, whether it. You know, whatever it may be. I remember when I was in high school, like, there was. I mean, different. But there was, like, there was an account that would, like, post girls nudes or post, like. Like, stuff like that. And these girls are like, you know, everyone hates them because some random account got a nude of theirs and posted it. And what, like, had nothing to do with them. Of course, they're still getting canceled at their school. No one likes that.

[Unknown Guest]

Like, oh, no, it's not just me.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Like, this happens. That's something I've learned now, too, is like, this is a tale as old as time.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Like, it's truly the story about the high school football player telling everybody that the cheerleader slept with him and that she's a. And that everybody should hate her. And then, like, the whole school hates her.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And no, it happens all the time. It happens to teenage girls so much. Bullying is, like, also bullying now has become so normal with cancel culture that if that was happening when you were in high school, like, I can't even imagine what it is now with, like, tick tock.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And everything.

[Sienna May]

I always say. I'm so thankful that, like, that was not a thing when I was. We had Instagram, but, like, that was. Yeah, that was, you know, it.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

So, no, I. I don't. I don't know how kids do it today. We had either Spencer Barbosa on.

[Unknown Guest]

Oh, my gosh.

[Sienna May]

Really? Wait.

[Unknown Guest]

She's the best. I. I really like her. I met her a couple months ago.

[Sienna May]

I love her. You guys give me similar energy. But when she gets on. When she was on, she was. She said something that was like, Sounded so profound, but also was, like, so, like, obvious. She was just saying, like, I can't imagine, like, going to someone's post and physically commenting something negative or mean. She's like, that person's clearly not happy. So why am I, like, giving them the time of day? Yeah, I was like, period. Like, I've never thought about it that way. Like, I have never thought to comment anything even, like, remotely.

[Unknown Guest]

Hey, your cellulite looks weird in this. Like, what? You would never.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

If anything, you're just like, yeah.

[Sienna May]

So when she said that, I was like, clearly this person is dealing with something that is more serious than, you know, my back roll, my cellulite. Whatever it is that someone's like, leaving the negative comment.

[Unknown Guest]

Oh, I. I totally believe that people's comments are a projection of their own life.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Whenever somebody says something, it's just. That's what.

[Sienna May]

I get that all the time.

[Unknown Guest]

When people are like, you are so ugly, or I hate you so much, or, you know, more of like, the surface level hate that is just like, kind of every woman gets when they're online. I'm. I honestly just, like, laugh at it because I'm like, that must be. That must be like the highlight of your day to go comment hate on women's posts.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

That is so weird.

[Sienna May]

Yeah, it's when you think about it, like, I know, I know sometimes when I'm like, you know, in my feels about a comment or something. But like, when you actually think about it, it's absurd. And then you're.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

And then it like, takes all the validation that whatever. That person, Whatever that's away and it's like, wait, no, actually, this is dumb. Why was I giving it the time of day?

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah, totally.

[Sienna May]

I'm curious, what is your. Obviously you still, like, you know, you're still posting content, you're still doing the social media thing. What boundaries have you set with it to make sure your mental health is in a good place?

[Unknown Guest]

I think that something that I've accepted and I think that something that people when they're doing social media and get to a certain point.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Kind of accept is like, there will always be hate. And I think I'm okay with that. And also somebody, I think, my brother actually once told me, you should be grateful for the haters. Because they keep your engagement alive. And that was wrong. I was honestly like, you know what? The haters give me a lot of comments sometimes. I mean, less so now truly, than. Than when I was really going through the height of it. Less so now since I've really shared my story and actually opened up about my testimony.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

But I mean, it's still there. Of course. I'm still obviously getting the hate. And I think the boundaries that I have to put up is limited screen time. And whenever I feel down, I think something I've really tried to stop doing is isolating myself because I will, like read a comment or something that will make me sad or piss me off or whatever it may be and I will let it affect me and not tell anybody what's going on and then treat my boyfriend like crap and snap on him or snap on my mom because I'm upset about what Jimmy 1, 2, 3 said.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

But if I'm just able to say to my mom, like, I'm so frustrated because this person said this and she's able to be like, yeah, that's really annoying. I'm sorry that that happened. And share it rather than hold it.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And let it like fester and totally like build up and spiral into something else.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Or something deeper. I've noticed for myself I have a really tight knit family. I'm very grateful. And I truly do think that I was given a really tight knit family because of God's plan for my life.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

That I have people who continue to be there for me every single day and I'm there for them. And we're all able to talk and be vulnerable and be kind to one another. That when I tell my dad this comment made me so angry and tell him about it and he is like, why does that make you upset? Or asks me questions or is just there for me. I'm able to let it go a lot easier.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

So I think that's less so like a boundary, but more so something that I've had to implement.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

To. To let my brain get rid of it.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Is like I kind of have to process through talking.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And talking through what I'm upset about.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Versus just like holding it in.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah. It's so good.

[Unknown Guest]

And becoming more upset.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

I've been hearing people Truly. Just rave about linen sheets. Truly. Forever. And I finally get it because I made the switch to quint and now I am obsessed. It's the kind of bedding that instantly makes your whole bedroom just feel more pulled together and I honestly don't know why I waited so long. Quince's linen bedding is everything people say it is. It's light, it's breathable and soft from day one. Woven with 100% European flax, it's the perfect mix of relaxed and refined and it just gets softer with every wash. And the same goes for their ultra plush duvets, quilts, pillows and shams too. Featuring other premium fabrics like organic cotton, breezy bamboo and skin nourishing silk, Quince truly has everything you need to level up your bed. The best part about all of this is like Quince's clothing, their bedding is half the cost of similar brands, which is great because it's more affordable, but you're not sacrificing the quality of your product. I recently got their linen bedding and I feel like it has actually leveled up my space and it just makes my bed and bedroom look more aesthetic, more pleasing. Like I get so excited to crawl into bed every night and it really helps during those warmer summer nights, keeping me comfortable so that I can sleep through the night. Level up your bedding with Quince. You'll feel the difference right away. Go to quince.com/squeeze for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E.com squeeze to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com squeeze I chose function Health because it's the only platform that gives you access to the kind of data that most people really never see and insights to actually take action. Inside Function. You can test over 160 biomarkers from heart and hormones to toxins, inflammation and stress. You can also access multi region MRI and CT scans, all tracked in one secure place. Over time, it's a near 360 view to see what's happening inside of your body. That's why top health leaders and experts are all behind Function health. At over 2,000 locations across the US function is 4.99 a year. That's only a dollar and 37 cents per day for cutting edge health insights. If you were to just go and do this on your own, this could literally cost you over $10,000. And that's why I love Function Health so much. I recently went in and did my lab draws and when I tell you was the easiest thing, I was in and out of there so quick and the results just pop up right in your portal. It's actually kind of funny because I feel like I've been hearing people talk about it more. I was recently out to dinner and as I was leaving the table next to us, we were talking about how they had just done Function Health and they were waiting to get their results. And it's so cool to see people loving it as much as I love it. Learn more and join Using my Link, the first 1,000 people get a 100 credit toward their membership. Visit www.functionhealth.com thesqueeze or use gift code thesqueeze100@signup to own your health. In today's world, it is so easy for us to spend money on our phones without even thinking about it. From food delivery, online shopping, all you do is scan your face and it's paid for. And with that, it definitely can be hard to track your finances. It's really so easy to spend money on your phone without even realizing it, and then you can kind of lose on how much you're spending or even overspending. Finances can truly be messy and confusing. And that's where Monarch Money comes in. It's more than your average budgeting app. Monarch Money is a complete financial command center for your accounts, investments and goals. I really feel like I've recently just truly realized how much money I spend on my phone. Whether it's, you know, I was sending money for an online delivery, for food pickup, clothes like one day shipping. Just there's so many things and when you're spending money like that, you never pull out a card, you don't pull out cash and it's so hard to track it. And also just realizing how stressful it can be to juggle more than one finance app. I feel like there are so many on the market and with Monarch Money you can really just have it all in one place. Financial stress is one of the top reasons relationships fall apart. Monarch makes money conversations easier. You can track shared in individual accounts, set goals together and keep money check ins drama free. Plus you can even access with a financial advisor or tax pro at no extra cost. Get control of your overall finances with Monarch Money. Use code [e-mail] in your browser for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first [e-mail] with code squeeze. Was it scary? Scary for you like getting in a.

[Unknown Guest]

Relationship and oh 100100 I I am such a relationship person. I grew up with my parents watching my parents be so in love. My dad is like my favorite person in the world. My mom is my best friend. So for me I've always wanted a Family. I've always wanted to be able to have like a million kids and be a mom. Like, I, I love that. And so I think once everything happened, obviously I was still so young. 17. I'm like, not necessarily thinking about having kids at the moment, but I, I think I was so scared to even talk to a boy.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Because I was nervous that they'd add on to the dog pile of hate. Because I think a lot of, A lot of people did that. And I actually had one guy who I talked to like briefly who like made a video and was like, she's such a. And something like that. Because. And then he actually apologized about it afterwards and was like, I'm sorry I did that for views. Like, I did that. Cuz I knew it would blow up because you were like such a hot topic. And I actually really appreciated him apologizing, but I was scared that that was gonna happen.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Multiple every single time I'd even talked to a guy. So I kind of was hands off for a while. And I was just like, I'm not interested. I'm not on the market. I'm. I'm scared more so than anything. And also I think that part of me kind of felt unlovable. And so I think that scarred me for relationships of where I was almost like, I don't want to get rejected.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Because I felt maybe I wasn't the prettier girl. Maybe I wasn't his type. I could do everything. I could give everything. I could film all these videos you want. I could whatever. But it was, it was just never gonna be me.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

You know, and I think that's also something that a lot of girls go through is like being the other girl.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Or the other person.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sienna May]

Or.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

Or even just I feel like there's a level of like feeling rejected or feeling not worthy to every. Whether, you know, whether a relationship ended on a good note or not. Like, I just feel like they're like, looking back on my previous relationships, I feel like they all had some like, level of the, like, of I wasn't good enough of like, maybe there wasn't physically another person. But like, I know that they were looking at other people. Like, like their mind wasn't there. So there. I feel like there's always like a level of that. But I always say, like, the biggest thing that attracted me to my husband was that he respected me and he was the first guy that like, actually, like I felt like, cared about me and actually genuinely on like a deeper level.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

And I feel like finding that is so. It's so crazy to, like, look back on everything before.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah, totally. I think about that now with Cole. We've been together for three years, and I can't even imagine a life without him. I can't even imagine a life with any guy who I'd even talked to prior, because I'm like, oh. Like, that would have just been not the most uplifting, feminine version of me. Like, that would have been me as, like, the. I don't even know the man in the relationship, and so. And I don't want to be the man. Like, I want. I want to be a mom. I want to be the woman I want to be.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

In that role. And so I think also, I was just kind of like, I'm gonna let somebody pursue me if they want, because I'm. I don't want to. I don't want to chase it.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

I don't want to go after anything that's not meant for me.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

I don't want to try and force a relationship if a guy's, like, debating between me and someone else. Choose her.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Like, yeah. I don't want it to be a question. And I. I think I also, too, because I was just going through so much, and it all felt so heavy. I kind of felt like getting into a relationship with anybody would. Would be, like, a disservice to them, because I'm like, yeah, look at all this baggage I have. Like, you want to deal with this? Like, I. I almost felt bad.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Because I was like, oh, you may think I'm pretty, but, like, I've got some. Like. But then, yeah, he. Cole made me feel so different, because the first time we even hung out, he was just like, I just want to tell you I love you already. Like, and I don't care what anybody says about you, because I was getting hate at this point, and he was like, I have always liked you. You've been my celebrity or my Internet crush forever. And for the moment, he was so sure that I was like, okay, I like this.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Because I don't have to fight for his attention.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

I don't have to make sure he doesn't know about my baggage. He knows.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

He's okay with it.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Like, he'll carry it for me when it's too heavy for me.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

So I think once before I met Cole. Yes. I was, like, nervous, and I was like, oh, I'm not gonna find anybody. Once I met him, it was clear. It was, like, clear as day. That I was gonna be fine.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Because I'm sure you understand once you meet the right person, you're just like, yeah, yeah, it's gonna be fine. We'll figure it out.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

I feel like, like, a couple weeks into me and Taylor dating, I was like, oh, okay, great. So where do I sign? Like, yeah, sign me up.

[Unknown Guest]

I'm in this same for.

[Sienna May]

I think we both like it. Just like, I feel like there's just something that clicks. And also, we still laugh about this because, I mean, we did. We. We were together for, I think we got engaged at four years, married at five years.

[Unknown Guest]

Oh, wow.

[Sienna May]

Together.

[Unknown Guest]

How long have you guys been together?

[Sienna May]

Oh, the end of this year will be eight, seven. Oh, my gosh.

[Unknown Guest]

Wait, so you got married at 25?

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sienna May]

Wait.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

28.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

This will be our third year wedding anniversary.

[Unknown Guest]

Wow. But congrats.

[Sienna May]

Thank you. But I feel like we went through a lot of crap together, like him and his mental health, me working through covet than me and my mental health.

[Unknown Guest]

Totally.

[Sienna May]

And everyone's always like, the first year of marriage is the hardest. Like, we had, like, friends of ours tell us that the first year of marriage was, like, hard for them, and we're like, when is it going to be hard?

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah, you're like, the first year dating was hard. Yeah, we're fine. We're like, we're fine.

[Sienna May]

Like, we've gone through.

[Unknown Guest]

That's awesome.

[Sienna May]

A lot of stuff. But I feel like it's. I feel like we've had to also just learn, like, communication. And because we both were going through a lot of stuff, we had no choice but to communicate that to the other and, like, learn how to, like, actually have communication and share when things are going on or when we're not feeling good or whatever it may be. So finding that person is, like, really, really cool. I'm, like, excited for all my single friends to, like, find that in their person.

[Unknown Guest]

I know.

[Sienna May]

So excited.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah. And I think just once, once you're in that solid relationship where you don't question the more basic stuff of, like, does he like me back? Or, you know, is he gonna think I look pretty in this outfit? Or whatever. And once it starts to actually get deeper where you're like, I feel safe, I feel protected, that's when I think the relationship really started to grow for us.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Was because I. I felt safe, I felt protected, and I felt like he didn't even. He never asked me. There's like, this hozier lyric and work song. It's like he never Asked me once about the wrong idea. And like I always, whenever I hear that song, I'm like, wow. He was just like from the beginning on my side there for me, like hard.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

You are safe, you're loved, you're protected and just like affirming. I don't know.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Me in a way that I was scared I wouldn't find in a man. So I was very grateful to find that and then still have that and be like, yeah.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

It's crazy what like being timing, being.

[Sienna May]

In a relationship that like, you're no longer chasing validation but like you're already validated before the thought even like totally comes into your mind.

[Unknown Guest]

I think that a message that. Do you have a lot of younger listeners?

[Sienna May]

Yeah, they're all over the place.

[Unknown Guest]

So I think that now that I'm in a healthy relationship and one that is actually long term and meaningful and we've gone through hard stuff together, but we've also like experienced the highest highs together. Once you have like the situationship now I look back and I was like, thank God that the timing of that ended when it did. And I have something like this now. And so I feel like for all of the younger girls, I always just try to reiterate that timing is important and that things will happen when they're meant to happen. And trying to force it with the wrong person or trying to be somebody else for the wrong person is never going to work. You're never going to be right for them. And that's something now I've realized that just would have been wrong. It would have been just not the best me.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And so, yeah, it's really cool to, to be in a solid relationship now and even say like three years under our belt.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

It's like, what the heck? Like three years, that's crazy. But, you know, hopefully I get a ring soon and next time I see you, I can say, I'm a fiance.

[Sienna May]

I love it. I'll be, I'll be waiting for that. No, what you literally just said is so true. And I think about it from time to time. Like I was in, I was in like a two year relationship before I met Taylor and I.

[Unknown Guest]

That guy's bumming, by the way.

[Sienna May]

I knew, I knew, I knew that I needed to end the relationship. I. I knew it. I like so strongly like felt like God was like, you gotta end this. And I just did not have the balls to do it. And I was like, no, like, we're gonna make this work. I love his family, I love his mom. Like, his younger brother was, like, my best friend, all of the stuff. And then he broke up with me. And then I was pissed because I knew. I knew it was supposed to happen, but I was mainly so upset because I was like, oh. Like, I was so, like, forcing it to be with. With this person with. Because I loved his family. I was, like, forcing it. And I remember I got my car, and I was screaming at God, and I was like, what are you doing? Like, I have to start all over now. Like, I'm 20. I'm. I guess I was 20 at the time. I'm 20. I just wasted the past two and a half years. Like, I've. Like, I thought this was my person. Like, literally everything besides him. Like, his family was perfect. Like, I loved them. Like, I was like, this is what it's supposed to be like, what are you doing? And that's, like, the first time I ever, like, really heard God be like, just wait until I have in store for you.

[Unknown Guest]

Totally.

[Sienna May]

And then two weeks later, I met Taylor.

[Unknown Guest]

Wow.

[Sienna May]

So, like, hearing. Like, hearing that, like, timing truly is everything. Because if I would have been in it for, like, another month, I would have literally never met Taylor. Like, it's just, like, the timing of it is crazy. So I think we just need to.

[Unknown Guest]

Sometimes I think that that's, like, the best. Even though I've definitely been in the same situation where you're in the car, in your room or in your pillow yelling, being like, what is happening? This is not what I planned. That is what's so amazing, because if it was what you planned, then it never would have been as beautiful as your life is now.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And there's this really great meditation that I listen to on Spotify sometimes, and it's called Vapor. And it talks about how everything in life is a vapor. And, like, you said not to take away from what you're going through, but something can feel so big at the moment, and then you can look back and be like, that was just a vapor. That was just a little moment in time. And he has this little reference of a. A kid on a playground. And how when someone takes your swing, it feels like the biggest thing ever. And you, like, go tell your mom about it, and you're so frustrated about it because that was your swing.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

But now we're, like, in our 20s, and we don't. That was just a vapor of us being a kid on the playground. But to us, in the moment, that was the biggest thing, because that was. That was our swing. But now we're Just like, we're, you know, you're married, I'm gonna get married. We're on social media. You have your thing. Like, we're all. We're dealing with other issues that are big to us now, but maybe when we're 80, we'll look back and be like, wow, that was a vapor.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah, like that.

[Unknown Guest]

Oh, my podcast. That was a vapor. It's so good.

[Sienna May]

I love that. So I'm sure you have many. Or I'm sure I know you have many little facets of healing tools for your mental health. What have been some of those, like, biggest things for you?

[Unknown Guest]

I think I like. I really like to be sometimes alone when I'm going through something heavy. I think I've always found a lot of solitude and comfort in the beach.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Like, going. Since I was young, I've been going to the beach, just, like, sitting on the sand, being alone, feeling sand, feeling water. For me, coming back to a natural place has always really helped me. Or when I. When I'm in Hawaii sometimes, like, going on a hike and just sitting up there alone.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Just coming back to the root of it all. Because I think sometimes when we're, like, looking at our phone, it can feel so big. But then when you're just, like, looking out, you realize how small a little phone screen is and. And it can almost put things in perspective, at least how I feel. I think for me, like I kind of mentioned earlier, is. Is talking. Processing through talking to my friends and my family.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

I know some people prefer, like, a therapist or some. Somebody that's like a dedicated kind of dumper. Like somebody that they can tell all of their stuff to.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

At a weekly time, on a weekly basis.

[Unknown Co-Host]

And.

[Unknown Guest]

And I think for me, it's been really helpful to have my family around me a lot and to talk to my mom on a daily basis. And if I'm going through something, I'm able to, you know, talk through it with somebody who I know cares about me. And it can be rational when I'm feeling angry or, you know, offer some, like, yeah, this may seem bad, but look how blessed you are in this aspect of your life. Or remind me of the good things that are happening, because sometimes you can drown out all of the good things and just focus on the bad for sure. So I think those are kind of little things that help me. And honestly, a really big one that's a little bit random is water. Like, I'll just, like, go change my physical space. So if I ever get in a really depressed mood, or if I'm like, sometimes it's not even me reading comments about myself on social media, but sometimes, like if I'm consuming drama.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Tick tock or drama Instagram or drama. Anything. And I feel like, dirty or sad or like, just gross.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Sometimes I'll go like, dunk in the ocean or get in the shower. Like clean, like physically clean your body.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And I found that that actually really helps me to. To get out of my space, like negative space and just like re. Redo it. Re. Recharge, recleans, like by getting in water and just fully changing my physical space.

[Sienna May]

I love that it's so important. I feel like we forget how just like the environment that we're in can be. I. When I'm like feeling anxious or stuck, I'll go lay in my backyard on the cement, like in the sun, and I'll literally just lay there for five minutes and I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, alive again. Like, it just. It's crazy what that.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

What water can do, what a change of like scenery can do. It's so. That's so important.

[Unknown Guest]

And another thing I think that's really helped me when I'm going through a hard time other than dunking in water and like changing my mental or my physical state is working out and strength training. I think once you put yourself in a hard physical state.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Like you're, you're like growing your muscles or you're like doing push ups and it hurts. Right. And you do it. And I mean, I'm sure this is real science maybe, you know, but like the dopamine actually hits your brain and makes you feel better.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And I wasn't very big into working out before because I kind of. I don't know if you've followed me for a long time, but I kind of was a part of like the whole body positive movement when it first started.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And I was preaching like being positive in your body regardless. And now I still think that's important. And it's important to have grace for your body in every season of your life. Because as women specifically, we are always changing. Every single, like every week we're changing.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

But now I believe that body positivity is like having. Loving yourself no matter what, but having discipline to understand when it's time to be better or when it's time to change. And I think that when I started strength training, when I started working out, when I started going on walks consistently, when I got into surfing, I felt so much happier because I felt stronger and I felt proud of myself for doing something hard. And I think that's been a really big tool for me to actually feel, like a physical win.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Because it gives you a mental win, too.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

No, it's so important. Like, I feel like. I feel like we're finally starting to move past this whole, like, working out just to, like, see a difference.

[Unknown Guest]

Totally.

[Sienna May]

My husband is the biggest, like, advocate for me getting up and moving, because I will just sit on my laptop for 12 hours and not do anything. He's like, no, go take a walk.

[Unknown Guest]

Totally.

[Sienna May]

I'm like, no, I don't, like, want to go walk or go take a yoga class. And I do it. I'm like, oh, my gosh, thank God I did.

[Unknown Guest]

Like, the world is clear again.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

Like, I can see. Like, everything's fine. Like, it is so important, like, just the switch off that it gives your brain. And I even think, like, to what you were saying, like, I think. I think, you know, that and body positivity are different, but also, like, the same. Like, I think it's important for us. Like, obviously we love, you know, love our bodies, appreciate what it is, but also we got to take care of it. That doesn't mean, you know, eating junk food, sitting on the couch all day. Like, we actually need to, like, love our bodies.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

No matter what it looks like. But we need to make sure we're loving our bodies and, like, you know, being kind to it.

[Unknown Guest]

I think that's exactly. It is. Is it's not about how you look, but it's about how you're actually feeling.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And when you are sitting in, like, gluttony all day, you're eating chips on the couch or you're watching TV the whole time, like.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

That can be healing to an extent if you're doing it for, like, a couple hours, but if that's like a couple days, then it's. It's not helpful. It's actually making you feel worse and it's making your. Your brain think that you can't do hard things. Oh, I can't get up. I can't go walk.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

It, like, creates a barrier in your mind almost.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And so I think when I was. And when I am going through any sort of challenge or battle.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

I will try to get a workout done in. So it gives me almost like, the confidence to be like, okay, well, if I do this really hard strength training class or if I do a yoga class or a Pilates class or I go on a run.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And I run two miles because I hate running.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

Same.

[Unknown Guest]

Then I can deal with this nasty customer service email from Sienna Swim. I'm like, you know what I mean? I can deal with. From. With whatever the day has to offer.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Because I've set aside time to take care of myself first and show myself that I can do something hard.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

So that's also a huge thing that I try to implement every single day. And if. If it's not every single day, then it's like, at least every single week.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

You know, kind of depends. Like, if I'm on my period, I'm just like, yeah, I'm gonna give myself some. Some grace and some time, because, like. Like, it's just not gonna happen.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

No, my favorite is I'll, like. Or do an instacart order when I'm on my period. And, like, my husband will be taking it out of the bag, so he's like, are you about to start your period? I'm like, how do you know?

[Unknown Guest]

There's, like, all the ice cream and the cookies and the sushi. No, that's me. That was me yesterday, actually. I was at the store, and I grabbed a ton of sushi, and then we're, like, going to check out, and Cole's like, you want to grab some chocolate? And I was like, excuse you. And I was like, wait, no, I do want to grab some chocolate. Good man. Let me go. Let me go back to the. That's good. To the chocolate section because. So funny, I totally forgot my chocolate.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sienna May]

Which you needed.

[Unknown Guest]

I agree.

[Sienna May]

I'm curious what. This is a big question, but. Or maybe you know the answer, but what are you most proud of yourself for?

[Unknown Guest]

Just starts crying. Literally just starts crying.

[Sienna May]

I feel like it's important, though, because I feel like we don't take the time to, you know, appreciate things that, you know, we talk about how proud we are of others, but not, you know, how proud of ourselves we are with what we've gone through. So that's why I'd love to know what. What yours would be.

[Unknown Guest]

I think that a lot of people would have kind of. Would have kind of turn to other things by going through something as dark as I have.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And I'm really proud of myself for never doing drugs or, like, never turning to drinking or never turning to any sort of, like, coping mechanism and having resilience enough to. To trust in God. I think my. I think my faith is what I'm most proud of because it's the only thing that's Brought me through.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And having an open mind and an open heart, even after being mistreated by the Internet pretty brutally.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

I think I'm still. I think I still really do try to see the best in people. And I think there is evil out there and I've seen it, and it's. It's gnarly and it would be. It would be not truthful of me to say that it's not. And that, you know, the LA life or the people that I've met or some of the people that. Who. That I've, you know, used to be friends with, that I'm now no longer friends with, are trying to speak about this with as much grace as I can.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

I think I'm very proud of myself for not allowing seeing darkness to make me dark or being treated mistreated by kind of the Internet and. And so many people to make me mean. Because I think a lot of times it can make you turn to coping in a different way.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Or being mean back. Or being bitter.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And I truly think I would be bitter if I didn't find God when I did. If I didn't have the people around me who. Who shared stories with me about Jesus and the Bible. And that is truly how I just try to live my life. And when people say Christ, like, they. They think it's kind of just like a saying, but it's actually referring to like the Bible and. And all these stories about how he actually lived. And there are so many stories about people being so bitter and like, literally killing him and him still saying, forgive them for they don't know what they're doing. And I'm. I'm in no way like Christ. I'm so flawed and I make so many mistakes every day. And I'm still just trying to learn and be a better person. But I am proud of my faith. I'm proud of my resilience and for not becoming bitter and dark. I think the path I was on before I got through this redirection would have made me like that. I think I was around people.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And in environments that felt dirty and dark. And I actually saw a comment one time that made me cry, and there was this girl who was like, God literally said, you can't have this one. She's mine. And I truly do feel like that. I feel like I was kind of ripped from the scene.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Because I was, like, picked apart.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

You know, and I'm very grateful for that. So. Yeah. I'm proud of myself for that. I've gone through a lot, but at 21, the best is set to come. The best is yet to come.

[Sienna May]

I love that. Okay, Lemon. Seven rapid fire. Hit me. Number one is what movie or song titled best describes your mental health today?

[Unknown Guest]

Life is Good by Forest Frank, Period.

[Sienna May]

Number two, how open are you with people in life when you're struggling?

[Unknown Guest]

Is it one through ten?

[Sienna May]

Sure.

[Unknown Guest]

Very. Let's just say very. You're like ten. The max. Good. Open.

[Sienna May]

If you can only follow three people on social media, what. Or if you can only follow three social media accounts, what would they be?

[Unknown Guest]

Sienna Swim, Sienna Swim and Sienna Swim.

[Sienna May]

Number four is. What is your favorite form of self care?

[Unknown Guest]

Oh, going through the car wash. I love going through the car wash. It's so great to go through the car wash. Literally, that was the last thing I would have thought you. When you have a clean space.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

And you like. So we go to the beach a lot.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

I'm trying to rapid fire this. Go to the beach a lot. You have to vacuum. You get all the sand off. The windows are clean. You can sit in your car. You drive for an hour. Used to. It's clean around you. You're good. Self care. Okay.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah, that's.

[Sienna May]

I understand that. Number five is. What is the most misunderstood thing about you?

[Unknown Guest]

Oh, my age, for sure. People think I'm so much older than I am.

[Sienna May]

I thought you were a lot older.

[Unknown Guest]

Every time I meet someone, they're like, you're 21. I thought you were literally 25. That's probably. Or my height. People are always like, oh, my gosh, you're so short.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Because the girl I shoot with all the time, she's so good at making me seem taller. And so that's another thing. But I'd say mainly my age. Okay.

[Sienna May]

Number six is who has had the most positive impact on your. Your mental health.

[Unknown Co-Host]

God.

[Sienna May]

Number seven is if you can go back to one moment in your life, what moment would that be and what would you say to yourself?

[Unknown Guest]

The ride back from the. The ride back after my suicide attempt with my dad and tell myself that not only is it going to be okay, but it's going to be better.

[Sienna May]

I love that.

[Unknown Co-Host]

Yeah.

[Sienna May]

Well, I'm proud of you because I feel the exact same way. I'm so honored that you felt safe enough to come sit and chat and.

[Unknown Guest]

Of course, share with me.

[Sienna May]

This has been fun and I'm excited to see you again with the ring on your finger.

[Unknown Guest]

I'm also excited for that. It's looking a little lonely today, so we're gonna have to needs a little bling on it. Yeah, it needs a little four karat diamond from ring concierge. Yeah, some sort of ring brand would be great. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.