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- [00:01]
Steve Austin
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. Hiring isn't just filling a role. It's about finding people who can drive results. Indeed Sponsor Jobs helps you match with the right candidates faster. Target Target candidates by skills, certifications or location. Join the 3.3 million employers worldwide that use Indeed to connect with quality talent that fits their needs and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help get your job the premium status it deserves. Indeed.com podcast terms and conditions apply.
- [00:49]
Ted Fowler
Hiring do it the Right Way with Indeed.
- [00:52]
Steve Austin
The following program is a podcast ONE.com production he started in a small town in Texas. Worked his ass off to become of
- [01:02]
Ted Fowler
the most famous wrestlers of all time.
- [01:04]
Steve Austin
We're gonna take care of business tonight. And that's the bottom line. And now he's dominating the world of
- [01:12]
Ted Fowler
on demand audio and he's doing it
- [01:14]
Steve Austin
for the working man. This is a damn good outlet for me to spew the off my brain.
- [01:20]
Ted Fowler
This is the Steve Austin Show. Unleash.
- [01:24]
Steve Austin
Unleash. All right everybody. Welcome to Steve Austin show. Coming to you from the Broken Skull Ranch. This is a very special edition because I'm sitting here with my little Handy recorder, my H4N. Hopefully this show sounds as good as the rest have been since we've upgraded into a different studio, have some different people working on the show. But it is what it is. Sometimes when I go out on the road, I'm going to have to take his little kit with me and try to give you the best can of audio whoop ass that I can. With that being said, I've been getting a lot of questions, comments and suggestions and what the fucks on questionsteveaustinshow.com wondering about why the show was split into two different shows. I'll break it down for you about as simple as I can. I want to try to expand my listening audience. The Steve Austin Show Unleashed is me talking like I talk every single day of my life using fuck, motherfuck, cock suck, son of a bitch, shit, pussy, all that stuff. But with that being said, I would also like to be able to share the Steve Austin show listening experience with a family. That's right, a family. Back in the day when I was on Monday Night Raw, stone cold Steve Austin I was saying the things that stone cold Steve Austin on Monday Night Raw that anybody and everybody could listen to. So the Steve Austin show is going to be purely that. It'll still have some cuss words in there. It's just not going to have any F bombs. So you could listen to this show with your kids in the car, going down the road doing what you got to do. It's going to be the same can of audio whoop ass minus the F bombs. That's the bottom line. I had an email come in. This is an email from Adam and he kind of breaks it down and understands it. And let me read this email to you. I'm going to be reading a couple emails to you on and off the show. Today is just going to be a rolling bullshit session with me and my buddy Ted Fowler sitting across the table from me. I'll bring him in in a minute. This is from Adam. He says, hey Steve, my friend and I just listened to the Jim Ross Tuesday family friendly show. By the way, thank you for doing this very smart thing. Your fan base can only grow now. And I personally have two 14 year old twins, a boy and a girl. Steve, they have been probably 98% of your WWF WWE stuff and are huge fans. Well, of course they want to listen to the podcast and I was downloading it and cleaning it up a bit so that they could. He was actually omitting the cuss words because he's a sound guy now. It's going to be cool to be able to have them listen to the Tuesday show and if the Thursday show is someone they want to hear, like some of the people I use salty language with, then they'll deal with that when it happens. But what I'm going to try to do folks is try to have, you know, most of my interviews on the Tuesday show and just dial back the language. It's all going to be the same straightforward, true stuff that I always talk about, delivered in the exact same fashion. Ain't nothing changed. All I'm doing is eliminating fuck, motherfuck, clusterfuck and cocksucker. Everything else applies. You dig that? Ted, you see where I'm coming from?
- [04:59]
Ted Fowler
Yes. No, I'm cool with that.
- [05:00]
Steve Austin
Well, good morning by the way. How are you?
- [05:02]
Ted Fowler
Trying to wake up, dude.
- [05:04]
Steve Austin
I ain't a morning person. And we had some carpet being delivered and installed yesterday and those guys got out here late and they did a great job. I just got a Twitter message from one of the guys wives. He was over here and I guess she was upset that the guy didn't ask for an autograph. But the carpet guys kicked ass. Everything looks great. So if you listen to the show. I already tweeted her back that they did a great job, but son of a bitch, dude, they showed up out here without no lunch. They didn't realize how far this place is from town. We only got one Mexican food restaurant in town, folks. If you don't bring no grub, you. You gonna go hungry.
- [05:39]
Ted Fowler
Yeah, it's gonna be a long day without eating.
- [05:41]
Steve Austin
Well, they were lucky because my wife was gonna head into town, and she picked them up some grub. But the carpet looks good. So last night, we moved all my furniture back in TILL what, about 10:30?
- [05:53]
Ted Fowler
Yeah.
- [05:54]
Steve Austin
And then by the time we sit down, Kristen got the TV going, and then you and me cracked open a beer. And I was thirsty like a son bitch and tired as a motherfucker. What about you?
- [06:04]
Ted Fowler
Yeah, I had that second one. I brought it over here to my place. I didn't even drink it. I put it in the fridge and went to bed. So, you know, I was tired.
- [06:12]
Steve Austin
I got up this morning, and me and Teddy were supposed to come over and record this show because this is the third show we've recorded. The first two I didn't think made the grade, and I don't know if this one will either, but you will be the judge of that. And I got up this morning, I said, God, yeah, I ain't a morning person anyway. But I stayed up, you know, moving that damn furniture, had one more beer after you left, and got into bed, and I just needed to sleep my sorry ass in. I must be getting old.
- [06:40]
Ted Fowler
Must be. Must be. You're older than me, though. What's that say?
- [06:47]
Steve Austin
You know, when we got set up right here, the power just went off. Power goes off out here all the time. We're sitting over here at a table. I got my little recorder going with some batteries in it. That's why we're able to do this show. And Kristen came over, my wife, and asked what we were fixing to do and what we wanted to do later on the day for our work. We wanted to move some deer stands. Got to put that last bed together. And I asked her if she wanted to join in for the first 10 or 15 minutes of the show, and she politely declined. I think she had declined because she looked over here at my notes, and at the top of my page was sneezing and farting at the same time. The Lord working in mysterious ways and farting in church. I can't see why she didn't want to stick around.
- [07:34]
Ted Fowler
That may not be her demographic,
- [07:38]
Steve Austin
but it was just two days ago I woke up and I was getting my first cup of coffee, and I sneezed and farted at the same time. And it was either the same time or the sneeze was a cunt hair before the fart. So maybe that's what the trigger was. And I was like, well, that was strange, because I never sneezed and fart at the same time. And I just kind of struck my head and said, well, the Lord works in mysterious ways. Then I started thinking about, well, why would the Lord make me sneeze and fart at the same time? So it probably wasn't him. Maybe. Let's just chalk it up as a coincidence. Have you ever sneezed and farted the same time?
- [08:17]
Ted Fowler
Probably. I mean, I cough and fart. Yeah. You know, it's not at the same time. I think one perpetuates the other.
- [08:25]
Steve Austin
So in thinking about farting and the Lord working in mysterious ways, Teddy, in your opinion, you've been to church back in the day when you was a kid growing up in Arizona, Is it okay to fart in church?
- [08:36]
Ted Fowler
My opinion? No.
- [08:38]
Steve Austin
Well. But let's discuss that very important topic that will change the world. If you're in church to ask the Lord for forgiveness, certainly shitting your pants and farting would be a forgivable. I wouldn't even call farting a sin. It would be. What would you call that? A social.
- [08:58]
Ted Fowler
Social faux pas.
- [08:59]
Steve Austin
Social faux pas. Excellent choice of Words by Ted Fowler 3 6, 1, on Twitter.
- [09:04]
Ted Fowler
The word of the day, Faux.
- [09:06]
Steve Austin
Paul. And you know how you spell faux pas, right?
- [09:09]
Ted Fowler
O, O, P S. O, P S. Yeah.
- [09:16]
Steve Austin
So if you were to fart in church and back in the day when we used to go to church and we skipped around from presterian to Baptist Lutheran Church, but they always had them wooden pews. So you rattle a fart off that wooden pew and say, excuse me. You got to figure if it's a congregation of a hundred, that they would forgive you for farting in church. Would you not? Am I. Is that. Is that an incorrect assumption?
- [09:38]
Ted Fowler
No, that's. That's a proper assumption. Yes.
- [09:40]
Steve Austin
And, you know, like, maybe the preacher
- [09:42]
Ted Fowler
could say, God bless you better than gesundheit,
- [09:48]
Steve Austin
but. So then it's okay to fart in church. I mean, no one does. They sneeze a cough, you know, but you just don't see a lot of people farting in church when you break
- [09:59]
Ted Fowler
it down like that. I guess I could see your point. Yeah, I wouldn't do it.
- [10:02]
Steve Austin
Life changing shit we talk about on the Steve Austin show, farting in church. And maybe we're talking about this too long, but I just think it's a, it's a topic that not enough people on Fox News MSNBC are covering.
- [10:15]
Ted Fowler
No, I think a lot of people are thinking about it, just afraid to address the issue.
- [10:21]
Steve Austin
Let me tell you something. It's football season right now and you know, you get the guys around watching football games, throw on some hot dogs on the grill, get some chili to put on top of there, drink about 12, 15 beers, you got a CGF of about 8.9. Going into church. Mr. Sometimes, you know, you can't just get up and go take a shit during church. So you think you're going to squeak out a fart, you rattle that damn few and hallelujah. And you know, it's, it's one of those things where you think you can sneak one out and then all of a sudden it's highly audible and just smells like a damn possum crawled into your ass and died.
- [11:04]
Ted Fowler
That's undoubtedly where they have the solid wood pews, not the cushion, you know, like to give the, the elderly people up in the front two rows.
- [11:11]
Steve Austin
No, they might get you, I think, over if you go to Joel Osteen and He's talking to 18, 20,000 people up there in Houston at that old building called the Summit, the Compact center, they probably got some cloth covered seats. But back in the days when I was going to church, it was a wooden pew and if you farted, it was loud. With that being said, I think I only farted once because dad was within arm's distance away and all that sumpage had to do was reach around behind my mom's back and thump you on the ear. So nobody wanted to sit by mom at church because they were within striking distance of dad.
- [11:47]
Ted Fowler
Great acoustics in those churches, too.
- [11:49]
Steve Austin
Don't get me wrong. You can fart like a savage and it will echo. Hey, speaking about football, it's football season right now. We're three, four games in and I watch a lot of football. You watch it here and there, but I'm a big, serious football addict. And when you watch football, there's a lot of commercials on there for Viagra and Cialis. And I wanted to speak about one of those commercials because in one of them there's a cowboy and he's driving a Dodge pickup truck and he's got a horse trailer behind him and he's going home and he gets stuck in the mud. So it's a Viagra commercial. So you figure this cat's about 45, 48 years old. About that kind of age when guys want little. When guys want a little bit of extra oomph in bed. So he probably had date night planned out with his wife who. Who was waiting, as we see later in the commercial, in a nice two story house with the light on up at the top. So dipshit here was fiddle fucking around, playing ride Em cowboy with his buddies. Get stuck in the mud because he was too stupid to buy a four wheel drive pickup truck. So this is the age of knowing, as the commercial says. So what does he do? I'll tell you what he does. He gets the horses out of the trailer, he hooks a yoke onto him. Of course, he just happened to have one of those. Then proceeds to pull the truck out and get on down the road. So he gets up to his house, he got a little bit of a smirk on his face. Now he's gonna get some pussy. No, he ain't gonna get no pussy because he got stuck in the mud because he didn't have a four wheel drive truck. He done took his Viagra. He's horny like a motherfucker. His wife probably cooked him a five course meal. Cooked like a Sombit's got a great bottle of wine, maybe some opus 2007. She's tired of waiting on this motherfucker. Guzzles down a glass of red wine, breaks out her vibrator, takes care of herself, says what the fuck? I guess he's really not coming home. Goes one more cup of vino in, drops a Xanax and she's. Night night. Meanwhile, ride him. Cowboy pulls in thinking he's gonna get some pussy. His dick's hard, she's asleep. What you gotta do, Teddy?
- [13:58]
Ted Fowler
You're gonna have to go in the shower and rub one out.
- [14:00]
Steve Austin
He's gonna rub one out in the shower. Word to the wise, if you're gonna drop that blue pill, make sure you got a four wheel drive pickup truck to get your ass to the house. Stupid motherfucker. God damn. What kind of cowboy. You don't hang around a whole lot of cowboys, Tepida. We've been in the cattle business all my damn life. Dad's an insurance man, but we work cattle on the side. You got two. You got three pickup trucks?
- [14:26]
Ted Fowler
Three pickup trucks.
- [14:27]
Steve Austin
Two of them are four wheel drive.
- [14:28]
Ted Fowler
That's correct.
- [14:28]
Steve Austin
Why is that?
- [14:30]
Ted Fowler
In case I ever Take a Viagra and you know, gonna turn a double into a triple. I want to be able to head to the house.
- [14:36]
Steve Austin
That's the exact answer I wanted to drive. I wanted to hear God damn it. Talking about four wheel drive pickups reminds me of back in the day. I was probably 13 or 14 years old and my dad had just bought a Dodge D100 with a 318 cubic inch motor and it two wheel drive and it was the latest, greatest, it was that extra half cab in the back of the seats. So we go out to this hundred acres we used to lease right outside of Edna, Texas. And my dad always had 25 cows and one bull. It was raining like a sun bitch. It was cold, it was in the dead of winter. And me and my dad went out there and feed those cows a couple of bales of hay like we did every night. So we go down there, feed the cows, we get in the pickup truck and we're parked on a little bitty knoll, Teddy. And it's not just saturated mud and ruts and stuff like that. There's some little bitty short grass that grew on top of that knoll almost shorter than a golf course. And so we get in, my dad puts that son bitch in drive and zzzz. We're stuck. We're sitting on short slick grass trying to go up about a 1 degree incline and we're stuck. So dad hits reverse back to drive and you know, my dad throws that motherfucker in park. Well God damn it, Stephen, get out and push. I'm 13, 14 years old. I didn't buy this piece of shit. You did. Let me drive. And you go push, God damn it. But when dad tells you to push, what do you do? Get your ass out and go push. So I'm back there pushing like a motherfucker. Got them 13 year old wheels going like a son bitch. Dad finally, finally he starts getting down the road. And of course, you know, when he gets a little bit of momentum, he's so pissed off he's just got to line them up. He throwing mud all over me. I take my stupid ass, get in the goddamn truck and we finally make it home. And this is a two wheel drive pickup. To further this thing just. It's not a four wheel drive story, but one more story about that Dodge truck comes into mind. And this all started from a Viagra cowboy commercial. How fucked up am I today? I'm not a morning person anyway. We grew up hunting and fishing for a man. My dad and my mom met In Victoria, Texas. Got married and we started hunting. Ever since I was like 7, 8 years old. So one time we was on a hunting trip going up into Texas hill country around Junction, Sonora, Ozone, or that Area I 10 West. And it's hilly. And so we're in that Dodge pickup truck. And that thing, like I said, had a 318 cubic inch motor, weaker than a fucking kitten. On the back of the camp, on the back of the truck is a 31 foot camper. This is when campers was made out of real wood, real materials, not so much was really heavy. And so dad's driving, mom's riding shotgun. Jeff and Jennifer, the babies of the family, are in the hallowed crew cab. And me, Scott and Kevin are sucking a dick in the back inside an aluminum camper shell. And you know how shitty those camper shells were back in 1978. Freezing our asses off. There's exhaust fumes coming in the back of the truck. My little brother Kevin's car sick. He's puking all over me. Scott's over crying, miserable as a motherfucker. We're pulled over on the shoulder of the road so we're not hogging up the lane. And my dad's got this thing pegged pedal to the metal. Oh, 30 miles an hour. That's top speed. That's as fast as that goddamn truck would go. Oh, this is supposed to be fun. This is a family outing. This is a great outdoors. This is what family units do together shamingly. Overall. I could hear my dad motherfucking cuss over that damn motor, hollering Kevin puking, Scott crying. And all I do is hear my dad cussing like a son bitch. We made it to the hunting camp. We didn't shoot nothing. Luckily, the drive back to Edna was downhill. And we went through the same thing all over again. As soon as we got back, my dad, Ken Williams, put a for sale sign on that son of bitch and he damn near had to give it away. So that had nothing to do with the four wheel drive pickup, but it was a story that happened growing up in my fucking life.
- [19:08]
Ted Fowler
That may be the only thing he's ever sold that didn't turn a profit.
- [19:12]
Steve Austin
Boy, I tell you what, that's the thing about my dad. You talk about a salesman. He sold insurance for a living and he's good at it. Worked hard. Swig of water for the working man. But goddamn, anytime he had something for sale, he would get above retail for it.
- [19:27]
Ted Fowler
You remember that blazer he with the wooden back window?
- [19:31]
Steve Austin
My dad Had a piece of wood for his back window. It was about a 78, 79 old Chevy Blazer. Don't know how many motors he had put in. It had 300,000 something miles on it. Body was completely rusted over. He had painted it green with a paintbrush and what else? Oh, the seats in that son of bitch. There was no interior. He had been driving it so long for so many different deer leases and deer camps. The rats had totally eaten up all the interior when the four wheel drive gear shifter, you could see the ground there. And he put that some bitch up for sale and he got fifteen hundred dollars for it. That thrifty motherfucker. You talk about lucky, anytime I sell something, I lose my ass.
- [20:16]
Ted Fowler
Oh yeah, yeah. You gotta put it up for sale and give them fifteen hundred dollars to take it.
- [20:24]
Steve Austin
Hey, it's Steve Austin. I'm sitting here with my buddy ted Fowler. Ed Fowler, 361. We're gonna take a little pause for the calls. Listen to our word from our sponsors and dig this. I appreciate my sponsors for keeping this show on the air for free. I also want to thank you for hitting that Amazon button on the steveaustinshow.com or@podcast1.com going to the Steve Austin show, clicking on that Amazon banner, saving it in your URL. I ain't telling you to spend no money. I'm not telling you to shop on Amazon. But if you do and if you've clicked these banners, it helps kick back a little love in the form of some ducats to keep this show on the air. Force three. Coming back with my buddy Ted Fowler kicking it at the Broken Skull Ranch.
- [21:19]
Ted Fowler
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- [22:34]
Steve Austin
Dye coming back in. Back at the Steve Austin show. Want to thank you once again for hitting the download button. Steve Austin show Unleashed. Basically it is the working man's version of the show that doesn't give a shit about the language. Steve Austin show, a little more family oriented. Same truthful, honest stuff, just delivered without any fucking F bombs. Dig that, if you will. Teddy. I had a note down here that my goddamn phone, it's an iPhone, so that's considered a smartphone. If this motherfucker so smart, how come I never can find it? Someone might have already invented that joke. It's not even a joke for me, but it's a real deal. I never can find this motherfucker. I had it yesterday. I was riding around in my Polaris cutting some limbs off some trees and I sat on it. Sometimes when I sit on my phone or push the button at the wrong time or whatever, Siri will pop on. Siri came on yesterday, I guess I was sitting on her and I farted. And she says, I can't help you with that. Like Siri, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fart in your face. I don't know what to do. Did you. How would you feel if you farted in Siri's face?
- [23:48]
Ted Fowler
Awful.
- [23:49]
Steve Austin
Awful. No, but that's a true story, man. I said something and I farted. And she's how can I help you with that? Or I can't help you with that? She didn't have any. I said basically, I need some toilet paper.
- [24:03]
Ted Fowler
Please connect to the Internet.
- [24:06]
Steve Austin
Amen. So riding around yesterday. Dude, look at my arms.
- [24:09]
Ted Fowler
Oh yeah, you're all scratched up.
- [24:10]
Steve Austin
Scratched up. I was using the chainsaw yesterday and trimming up some of these mesquite trees out here by the house. This is another thing I wanted to do. It actually wasn't something I wanted to do. We got rained on, so I couldn't mow anymore because the ruts were so bad. So I switched to using a chainsaw. And you were running a tractor and you were patching some holes in the road. So I went to barn and I knew we had a chainsaw because my dad had just brought this summits down here and I hadn't seen it yet. So I just knew that he brought a chainsaw. So I said, well they'll go find this motherfucker, start trimming up some of these bushes, these trees. And I couldn't find a son bitch. So I called you on the phone, I said dude, hey, where's the chainsaw at? And you said, well it's over on that shelf in part of the barn. So Teddy's here a little Bit more than me. So I figured if he says the chainsaw is over, there it is. Well, finally I saw it. The sun bitch is about as big as a Red Bull can.
- [25:06]
Ted Fowler
Yeah, it looks like a chainsaw, only smaller.
- [25:10]
Steve Austin
I got some big ass hands. I picked the sub. I was like, really? This would make a real cute paperweight. I put some gas, now some, put some bar all in it, started pulling on that goddamn string. I let out about a 10 second fart. I thought the chainsaw had started. But seriously, folks, I finally got the chainsaw fired up. And you know how you know when you need a bigger chainsaw?
- [25:39]
Ted Fowler
No.
- [25:39]
Steve Austin
When you can cut a fart and the exhaust note is louder than the chainsaw. I picked this little up and it did well, it was kicking ass. I started sawing on all these tree limbs, working like a sun bitch, getting it all done. And this is purely aesthetic purposes. Just to make the ranch look nice. It doesn't mean shit to nobody but myself. And Teddy's out there patching the road. So we was out there on the goddamn lane and my chain jumps off. So I fixed it the first time and then I guess I didn't adjust the chain tight enough and it popped off one more time. So I had my 4 in 1 screwdriver there in my damn glove box and my polaris. I had my little socket set. I start repairing on that chainsaw. But for some reason this time I couldn't get it figured out. So I'm out there working on the chainsaw for about, shit, I don't know, 20 minutes.
- [26:30]
Ted Fowler
Oh, at least.
- [26:31]
Steve Austin
At least 20 minutes. And my stupid ass. I wasn't wearing a baseball cap. The sun's out like a sun, bitch. I got that spray on sunscreen. It's supposed to protect at a 50 block and I had about 16 coats of that. So theoretically that's what, 500 block. I'm burnt to a fucking crisp. That shit don't work. Anyway, back to the story of the chainsaw. I'm working like a motherfucker now. I can figure a few things out, I can turn a wrench on a couple of things. But for some reason, this thing had me bamboozled, flabbergasted, hoodwinked, confused. Couldn't get the goddamn thing back together. And you driving back and forth on the fucking tractor. So I'm thinking, well, shit, surely this motherfucker is gonna see that I need a little bit of help over here and stop a tractor and ask if I needed some help. Goddamn. What happened? What happened? A little Hospitality, help a brother out.
- [27:23]
Ted Fowler
No, I didn't want to step on your toes. I figured, you know, I thought you would figure it out. And I didn't want to look directly at you when I went by. So I was looking out of the side of my, you know, little peripheral vision, yeah, thinking, well, eventually he'll flag me down and say, you know, Teddy, help me out.
- [27:39]
Steve Austin
Well, I thought Helen Keller had come on the ranch, club you like a baby seal. Hijacked my tractor and was pulling a rib. Like I'm too stupid to ask this guys are dumb. Yeah, I'm thinking, yeah, I got this motherfucker, I'll fix this chainsaw. So I was too dumb to ask you to help. Used to goddamn crazy to come over and ask if I needed help. Finally, I was about to pick a summit up by the blade, just start beating it on the fucking road. I was madder. And a hornet. I didn't fix it on that go round. I fixed it yesterday when you was gone and got back into action. It just popped off on my last tree. I've got one tree limb over there to saw up because it's so damn heavy. And I got to put my chainsaw back on. But look at my arms all scratched up. I look like I got in a fight with six mountain lions inside a telephone booth. At least you gotta fucking wear some long sleeve shirts when you're out there.
- [28:32]
Ted Fowler
I can't do that stuff in short sleeve shirts because I get torn up by this, you know, either this, the stickers or the red bugs.
- [28:40]
Steve Austin
You're gonna use a chainsaw? Yeah, I got a chigger. You was talking about those things yesterday and I'll be damned. My leg didn't start itching. I got red shit all over me. And if you're gonna use a chainsaw, I always like to drop some helpful tips. Always have a pair of leather gloves and some eye protection on. I was wearing my sunglasses. Protection enough. You gotta have gloves and some eye protection on. And really truly, everything out here that grows at the Broken Skull Ranch has a thorn on it. It'll cut you sticky, hurt you. It would have been real smart of me to wear a long sleeve shirt rather than to fight the six mountain lions in a telephone booth.
- [29:18]
Ted Fowler
It would have been smart of you to ask me for help too. But that didn't happen
- [29:24]
Steve Austin
when you started hunting here at the Broken Skull Ranch. When did I ever stick my hand out, shake your hand and say, hey, I'm Steve Austin, the smartest ranch owner in the South. Do you remember Me asking you that or telling you that?
- [29:38]
Ted Fowler
No, I do not.
- [29:41]
Steve Austin
And we've had enough bottles of whiskey and cans of beer and fallen down enough times as you would figure, hey, this is probably a pretty good cat, but, yeah, he probably ain't the sharpest knife in a drawer.
- [29:54]
Ted Fowler
Not going to be one of my lifelines. Phone a friend.
- [30:01]
Steve Austin
Hey, man. One of the other things we was able to get done out here was burning them brush piles, those trash piles. And we had a couple of holes out here ever since I bought the ranch. There's a couple of pits out here. One of them is about 30 by 50ft wide and deep, wide and long and about 12ft deep. And the people before I bought the ranch had put a bunch of trash and tires and lumber and shit in there. And it just looked bad. And they were kind of kay fabed in an area that you couldn't see them, but they were just like open source. So I wanted to cover those up, but we had to burn all the stuff down. But problem is, I ain't a fire bug. I don't like fucking with fire none. But it rained about an inch, inch and a half, so everything was wet. So we was able to light those pits up. And when we lit those pits up, we started off about 10 gallons of diesel and made a torch and we threw it on there was expecting a big explosion and nothing happened. So that's when we went and got the gas.
- [31:00]
Ted Fowler
That's when it got good.
- [31:01]
Steve Austin
That's when it got good. I dumped about 5 gallons of gas on that sun bitch. We hit a match on that sun bitch. And if I had eyebrows, it would have singed them off. Kapoof. Shit. I tell you what, my light flashed in front of my eyes, ladies and gentlemen. You do not want to fuck with fire and gas. They will burn you up, they will hurt you, they will kill you. I'm laughing about it, but we were very careful. But there's a couple of times when I was trying to, you know, spread that fire out a little bit and that flame starts kissing up and it doesn't take long for that shit just to light up. You ain't gonna outrun fire.
- [31:38]
Ted Fowler
No, no. When I saw that, I saw that personally, I saw that.
- [31:45]
Steve Austin
God damn, that would have been a motherfucker. How does Steve Austin get killed again? He was out there pouring gasoline on a fire and got blown up. And the reason I wasn't moving too fast when we started was I'd eaten a good breakfast. I'd taken a pretty decent dump. I Didn't think I'd gotten all of it. But sure enough, when that flame started firing like a motherfucker, it was either go into the house and take a dump or shit my pants. I elected to stop watching the fire and go take a shit. So I kind of gave you the signal and there seems to be a little bit of confusion on your part.
- [32:17]
Ted Fowler
Yeah, no, you said, hey, I'm going over to number three to take care of some business. And I figured you had a phone call or you know, doing something on the computer, you know, because you're always on the phone or always doing something on the computer. That's all I thought.
- [32:29]
Steve Austin
No, I was just. I had to go in there and drop some logs and my stomach was rumbling, bumbling, stumbling. I had a CGF of about 8.9 and it was do or die time. And I started sweating bullets. Made it over to the last double wide on the property. So I sat down and immediately the magic starts happening. Shit starts tumbling out of my ass. And it was like a family of beavers had crawled up my ass while I was sleeping and shoot up all the logs into little bitty bite sized pieces and, and had Mickeyed me with the stool softener. It was damn near a religious experience. And then I came back and I started throwing more gas on that fire. You see how quick I was?
- [33:11]
Ted Fowler
I saw you're a little lighter on your feet. I mean, had I known that was the reason.
- [33:15]
Steve Austin
Yeah, well, I was being weighted down. I mean, I mean, obviously the athleticism goes unsaid when you're talking about Steve Austin, but when he's full of shit, I don't move so well, I guarantee you I could have lined up with Mike Wallace and, And beat him in a 40 yard dash. I dare say Usain Bolt in 100 meter dash in the Olympics 2016, Austin versus Bolt. And I could beat him as long as I've taken a pre race yet.
- [33:42]
Ted Fowler
Yeah, post dump in the blocks. There you go.
- [33:45]
Steve Austin
Yeah, in the blocks. Now without a dump, forget about it. I'm toast. He's going to kill me every single time. We got that done and we got it done safely. And then you know what? I had a few more limbs to cut yesterday. The guys were installing the carpet and my wife, you know, she could have sat around over here, but you know, my wife's working some bitch, right? She goes, do you need some help? I said, yeah, you can help. Because I know she wants to get out of house and do something. She, she works hard. Anyway, so she comes over and is going to help me load up all the branches that I'm still throwing in the burn pits that we just burned to burn in the future. And sure enough, as soon as we get there, she starts telling me how and what to load and which way to do it. Teddy, I've been using a chainsaw and cutting shit for 30 years. I just got finished carving up 15 trees, had loaded 10 trailer loads, only had five more. I figure I. I know what I'm doing. But of course, when Kristen comes over, obviously I'd been doing it wrong. Your thoughts on that?
- [34:55]
Ted Fowler
That's exactly why I kept driving by you when you had chainsaw problems. Yep. You didn't ask for help. You obviously did not need help. You weren't requesting help.
- [35:07]
Steve Austin
I love my wife to death, but I had it figured out. I was doing just fine. And then when she came over, I was always in the way and she would try to pull a limb off. You know how it is when you're loading, unloading the trailer. Dude, there's room for one person.
- [35:23]
Ted Fowler
How do you politely say, dear, this is a one person job?
- [35:29]
Steve Austin
I didn't. But she was working her ass off, and I appreciate her help. And I still can't believe she didn't want to join us and talk about all the illustrious things. Beavers crawling up my ass, hitting me with some stool softener, all the smartphones getting lost, me farting on Siri's face, all kinds of serious stuff like that. You know, here's the thing about a confession I just written down. I was thinking, when I was thinking about the farting in church, that what if I was a Catholic and to the point that maybe I went to confession to confess my sins to the Father. You call a priest a father? Yeah.
- [36:06]
Ted Fowler
Yeah, I believe so.
- [36:07]
Steve Austin
Yeah. So anyway, maybe, maybe we'll call this guy Father Carmichael. So maybe I'm gonna go in there and cut a confession, Father Carmichael, and say I had this hypothetical, of course, just off the top of my head, say I drinking maybe seven, 18 beers. I was on a budget, and all I could afford was maybe some slits or some Keystone Light. And then I had a big batch of chili dogs, some potato chips, some salsa and some cheese nachos. So I got a CGF of 10 going in this confessional, and I need to drop some heavy duty, you know, confessional stuff to Father Carmichael because of the sins I've committed. And once I walk in that booth, man, I just fart like a pack mule. And this son bitch is heavy. So then Father Carmichael the names have been changed to protect the innocent. And the story didn't even happen. But so Father Carmichael opens that window and I say, forgive me, Father, for I've sinned.
- [37:08]
Ted Fowler
Be like Backdraft
- [37:12]
Steve Austin
and you know, my eyes are in there watering. So Father Carmichael has opened the screen door. So I start fanning that over to him so I can get a little relief. And Father Carmichael says, not only have you sinned, but it smells like you just shit your pants. Could you wipe your ass and come back at a future date, say three Hail Marys and get the out of here. That's what I think would happen. Have you ever been a confession?
- [37:40]
Ted Fowler
No. Wrong religion.
- [37:42]
Steve Austin
When you were going to church, what, were you bored?
- [37:46]
Ted Fowler
Yeah. No, I, I, I think we're Methodist. It's been so long.
- [37:50]
Steve Austin
Yeah. Methodists. I don't strike you. You don't strike me as a Methodist.
- [37:55]
Ted Fowler
I don't know, you know, what they look like. Like I said, I was a kid, you know, I did what mom and dad said. Or you gotta. Not on your head.
- [38:04]
Steve Austin
Yeah. Hey, man, let's shift gears a little bit. Teddy. It was an interesting trip. When I came down here from Los Angeles, I was going through security and there was a gal there with kind of like a halter top dress on. And she was going through security and she kept going back and forth, back and forth. I mean, she didn't have nothing on but a dress, so she had a bunch of Pearsons in her face. And so I'm figuring maybe she's got a bunch of gimmicks everywhere else. Maybe at a Pierce Gimmick or something like that. And there's a big, I don't know, anvil down there. Some bitch couldn't get through security. And so, shit, my brain started spanning. I was just thinking to myself, you know what? There's a lot of things I have done, but one of the things I have not done in all my years of traveling and being on the road all over the world, has gone down on a chick with a Pierce gimmick. Have you?
- [38:50]
Ted Fowler
Yes.
- [38:50]
Steve Austin
So enlighten me. Break this down for me. Is it a stud? Is it a hoop? Is it a ring? I mean, what's the story and how does it work?
- [38:58]
Ted Fowler
Been with girls that had, had both had hoops and a stud.
- [39:02]
Steve Austin
Is it a distraction?
- [39:03]
Ted Fowler
No, it's, I mean, done properly, it's an attraction, really. Yeah.
- [39:08]
Steve Austin
Now, how does this enhance the pleasure or the feeling? What the.
- [39:14]
Ted Fowler
Well, remember, it's all, it's for them. Right? You don't. It'd be like putting a couple of nuts and bolts in your mouth and chewing them around. There's, you know, the guy doesn't get much of a kick out of that. The hoops had a girl with hoops on either side of it. And that was, that was cool. They acted like handles, you know what I mean? Gave you a little something to grab a hold of.
- [39:33]
Steve Austin
How far you want to open that motherfucker up.
- [39:36]
Ted Fowler
Well, you're not gonna put it on like a hat, but I mean, yeah. Now the other one with this stud, you know, and man, I think that would smart to have that done. I think that would be very painful. But once again, it's all for her pleasure. And she liked it. You know when you just get on that thing like, you know, like. Yeah, yeah, like Jolly Rancher and just go to town. I mean. Yeah.
- [40:01]
Steve Austin
What if you accidentally Jolly Rancher that thing too hard and chipped a tooth? Could that happen? Because you got some pretty good teeth on you right now. So if you show up with a big ass chipped tooth, I'm gonna know what the fuck happened.
- [40:17]
Ted Fowler
Yeah, you got me there.
- [40:21]
Steve Austin
You know, Ted, last time he was on the show, we was talking about hookers and stuff like that and the price of. And all kinds of informative information. And someone sent in an email talking about the prices. This is from Billy. Hundred dollars for a blow job. $150 to $300 for everything. It take 20 minutes in a hotel to find a hooker. That San Antonio, Corpus, Austin, Dallas, guaranteed. What do you think about those prices on the money?
- [40:53]
Ted Fowler
I'm sure you could find someone in that price category. It's not, you know, it's not my cup of tea.
- [40:59]
Steve Austin
Right.
- [41:00]
Ted Fowler
You know, I don't want a three dollar steak either from a strip club, but that's just.
- [41:03]
Steve Austin
But I don't think you can go out and drop 1500 on a piece of.
- [41:06]
Ted Fowler
No, no. Shit, no.
- [41:10]
Steve Austin
I mean, if I could go out there and get 1500 for some. I might have to go round up some gas. Start pimping in the South Texas area. Yeah, yeah, I'm pimping. Whatever happened to Stone Cold Steve Austin that done turn into a pimp? He pimping in South Texas at the Broken Skull Ranch. Got my theme song going from Hustle and Flow. You know, it's hard out here for a pimp when you're trying to get some money for the rent. You dig that? Did you see Hustle and Flow?
- [41:39]
Ted Fowler
I did.
- [41:39]
Steve Austin
That's a good movie, wasn't it?
- [41:40]
Ted Fowler
Yeah. Get you A big purple hat.
- [41:42]
Steve Austin
Oh, God damn. I got a pimped out black Suburban down in Los Angeles. I drive that down. Me and Hershey drive around checking on our bitches. Teddy, speaking of women, I mean, with all due respect, goddamn, I love women. But we're talking about pimping hoes and turning tricks and stuff like that. And Nate and Pierce. So, Teddy, let's shift this to a more serious note. You're single now. You're trying to find love. So is it okay if I ask you a couple dating questions? Yes. Okay. You meet this gal. You dig her. At what point is it okay to fart in front of your new girl?
- [42:18]
Ted Fowler
It doesn't happen.
- [42:19]
Steve Austin
It doesn't happen. What? At what point is it okay for you new girl to fart in front of you?
- [42:23]
Ted Fowler
I would prefer that that didn't happen.
- [42:26]
Steve Austin
What if she does fart in front of you?
- [42:28]
Ted Fowler
If it was accidental, you know, maybe a little walking fart grossed one out. Yeah, that's okay. The little party foul and slap on the wrist keep on going. If she leans up against the counter and raises up one leg. Allah. Captain Morgan. And just fires one off and says, booyah. Now, now, we. We may need to renegotiate our contract.
- [42:48]
Steve Austin
What if she accidentally squeaks one out? But it doesn't squeak. It just goes,
- [42:55]
Ted Fowler
well, if you don't hear it. I started looking for the dog. I thought I put those dogs outside.
- [43:03]
Steve Austin
All right, Teddy, let's turn to a more serious note. If you're going down on a gal, is it okay if she cuts a fart?
- [43:10]
Ted Fowler
Preferably not now.
- [43:11]
Steve Austin
What happens if she does? Are you mad? Are you discouraged? Are you turned off? Are you more determined than ever to bring this woman to an orgasm?
- [43:21]
Ted Fowler
No, I'm plenty hot if I don't have the ceiling fan on. That's for starters. No, I think. I think we move on to, you know, maybe change. Change our attack mode to a back rub or something.
- [43:33]
Steve Austin
Yeah, you might need to switch over to 69. Come from up top. You're not directly. Well, I don't know. Then, you know,
- [43:41]
Ted Fowler
you just got closer. You just got closer to the source.
- [43:43]
Steve Austin
Yeah.
- [43:44]
Ted Fowler
No.
- [43:44]
Steve Austin
Yeah. So you're not into that? A lot of people into fart and shit and stuff like that?
- [43:48]
Ted Fowler
No, no, that's not my cup of tea.
- [43:50]
Steve Austin
You play it on the down low. Yeah. Teddy, favorite sexual position?
- [43:54]
Ted Fowler
Doggy style.
- [43:54]
Steve Austin
Doggy style. I dig it. Teddy, have you ever thought about, you know, you're down there in a town of about 11,000 people, a lot of you folks Because I come from a small town, you know everybody. So you've dated a couple of women in the area, but you know, there's not a great supply, not a whole different lot of change in the scenery. So that being said, have you ever thought about your online options as far as trying to find a significant other?
- [44:21]
Ted Fowler
Oh, I've thought about them.
- [44:22]
Steve Austin
What about ChristianMingle.com?
- [44:25]
Ted Fowler
that one I skipped over.
- [44:26]
Steve Austin
You skipped it over. Why? This could be a very nice, warm human being with a high moral standard and fiber.
- [44:35]
Ted Fowler
I think they are looking for something in the long haul. They want to set up shop, make it a lifelong commitment, have a family, white picket fence, the whole deal. That's not what I'm looking for.
- [44:48]
Steve Austin
So I am. And that being said, I mean, you know, I don't think you're trying to. You're not looking to get married anyway? No, from what I gather, and I would. Don't say. I wouldn't say anytime. And every time you go out, you're necessarily looking for a fuck buddy right then, right there. But seemingly you would not find a fuck Buddy on Christian Mingle.com.
- [45:09]
Ted Fowler
i agree.
- [45:10]
Steve Austin
What about Match.com? you ever seen their commercials? They're all over TV. Just like the Viagra and Cialis commercials. They last too long. You ever considered match.com?
- [45:18]
Ted Fowler
you know what? I've. I've considered that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've seen the commercials. They've.
- [45:23]
Steve Austin
So how do you think you line up? You got a profile. What you can put on your profile, you can put carpenter slash builder, hunter, dog lover. What else on this profile? Straight up cat.
- [45:35]
Ted Fowler
Yeah. Yeah. Just looking at least not to buy.
- [45:38]
Steve Austin
Looking at least not to buy. So if you go into that, I mean, there's got to be seemingly some chicks out there in that same mindset
- [45:46]
Ted Fowler
one would think to haven't come across them, but yes, well.
- [45:50]
Steve Austin
And Teddy, you've been married one time, divorced, and that's been quite some time. Why have you not been able to remarry? Just something that's not on high on your priority list or you hadn't found anything that was marriage material?
- [46:04]
Ted Fowler
No, it's just not high on my priority list. I have an opinion about being married. And that's for the purpose of reproducing, Having children, bringing a family on onto the planet. That's not something that I wanted to do ever. No kids, don't want any children. I don't see where being married would change anything. If you're dating somebody and you're getting along and you trust Them, they trust you. My opinion, being married only muddies the water.
- [46:34]
Steve Austin
Teddy, will you ever find true love again? Because I got a quest for. For you. I've got some connections. What if I was able to get you on the television show the Bachelor? You could be on reality television working your way through 30 fine women trying to find Mrs. Right. You could be married over the course of a season of reality television. Could you be the next Bachelor?
- [46:58]
Ted Fowler
As long as it didn't happen during deer season.
- [47:03]
Steve Austin
Teddy says he's a contender for the Bachelor loans. It doesn't happen during deer season. Teddy, question that a lot of people would like to hear an answer on. Long distance relationships. Can they work?
- [47:16]
Ted Fowler
I don't believe so.
- [47:17]
Steve Austin
I don't think so either. Because, you know, if. If I'm here and the chick I'm trying to see is in New York City, I can't see her enough, what am I going to do to fulfill my sexual needs? My emotional needs I think I can handle on my own, but kind of the location, location, location, it don't work for me.
- [47:38]
Ted Fowler
No. If you're needing something and your significant other is not close to be like having cereal in the morning. You're out of milk. What are you going to do? You're going to put water on it? Or are you going to go to the store and get another gallon of milk?
- [47:51]
Steve Austin
Okay, be a little bit more specific here. Basically you're saying you're going close enough. You need to get laid.
- [47:56]
Ted Fowler
Yeah.
- [47:56]
Steve Austin
You want a rooster.
- [47:57]
Ted Fowler
You want a rooster and your chicks 1500 miles away. You got two options. One's getting the vehicle and start driving around. The other one is a long, hot shower.
- [48:05]
Steve Austin
Yep, yep. That's jerking off a lot. You know, that's what you do. You know that. That's all fine and dandy here and there, but ain't unlike the real McCoy. At the end of the day, you know, I'm there for, you know, the. That part of the relationship as well. Sex is really important to me, as you can tell. I talked about Salis and Viagra a lot. Viagra, cowboy. Stupid motherfucker didn't buy a four wheel drive truck wife up there ready to do anything and everything that somebody's probably gonna just toss his salad, jerk him off, suck his dick, fuck him six ways from Sunday and his motherfucker gets stuck in the mud. You stupid motherfucker. Teddy, have you ever been with the dominatrix?
- [48:44]
Ted Fowler
No.
- [48:45]
Steve Austin
And why not?
- [48:46]
Ted Fowler
That doesn't appeal to me at all. Some girl roughing me up, slapped me Around? No, that's.
- [48:53]
Steve Austin
What if it tied you up, I
- [48:55]
Ted Fowler
would have to think about that. Yeah.
- [48:57]
Steve Austin
Dude, I ain't got to think about that at all. Because coming from my pro wrestling standpoint, if somebody's tied me up, I know that there's probably one of the boys right in the next room, they're going to come over and do all kinds of stupid shit to you, shove something in your ass. I ain't down with being tied up at all. I don't think the Dominatri stuff is quite up my alley.
- [49:17]
Ted Fowler
No, no. You know what comes to mind is that Pope Fiction movie. They tied that guy up too. Or Pulp Fiction, rather. Yeah, no, that's. In retrospect, that's not a good idea.
- [49:26]
Steve Austin
Let's wrap up this little questionnaire about the single life with this last question. What's the worst, strangest or funniest sexual experience you've had thus far in your career?
- [49:39]
Ted Fowler
Strangest probably was. Took a girl home from the bar, lights down low, music soft.
- [49:46]
Steve Austin
She wasn't a girl.
- [49:47]
Ted Fowler
You know the drill. No, she was a girl. Yeah, she was a girl with a guy's name tattooed across her back.
- [49:51]
Steve Austin
What was his name?
- [49:52]
Ted Fowler
Mike.
- [49:52]
Steve Austin
Mike.
- [49:53]
Ted Fowler
Yeah, those easy to read big three inch block letters, shoulder blade to shoulder blade.
- [49:58]
Steve Austin
Well, maybe that was her nickname. Mike.
- [50:01]
Ted Fowler
No, no.
- [50:02]
Steve Austin
So did you, did you, while you was fucking, say, oh, Mike. Oh, that shit feels good, Mike. Oh, Mike is just. Oh, that's just tight, Mike. Did you say that?
- [50:15]
Ted Fowler
No.
- [50:16]
Steve Austin
No. Well, after you got finished fucking Mike or Mike's gal or Mike's ex gal, did you ask her what or who Mike was?
- [50:24]
Ted Fowler
No. No, I just grabbed my stuff and tipped my hat and out the door I went, hoping I didn't run into Mike on the way down the stairs.
- [50:30]
Steve Austin
You son of a bitch. I guarantee you Mike probably came in there with a gallon of milk that he'd got gone to the store for and you had done busted his, you know, broke his heart.
- [50:40]
Ted Fowler
Should have had more milk in the fridge. Get a four wheel drive and always have two gallons of milk.
- [50:46]
Steve Austin
Teddy, have you ever. I was going to quit the question there, but just for the hell of it. You go to some of these big towns a lot. You play tournament softball, one of your passions? Have you ever picked up a transsexual in a bar? Just off the top of my head? Nothing against the good old transsexual. I don't give a flying fuck. You can answer the question honestly. Have you?
- [51:09]
Ted Fowler
No.
- [51:10]
Steve Austin
Teddy, come on. Okay, let's say you did. You're drinking Jack Daniels. You pick up the transaction, you go back to hotel room, you can turn the lights down low and kind of start getting frisky. What would you do?
- [51:26]
Ted Fowler
You reach down there, grab a handful of junk. Yeah, no, that's what we'd have us. Old cat fight.
- [51:32]
Steve Austin
What? You do the express checkout and jump through the window,
- [51:39]
Ted Fowler
but you're on the third story. It's okay.
- [51:44]
Steve Austin
Damn movie. I'm going to get you. Suck it. You can take the stairs or you can take the window. You ever seen that movie?
- [51:50]
Ted Fowler
No.
- [51:50]
Steve Austin
You got to as much TV as you watch. It's the Wayans brothers. They are absolutely hilarious. Movie's probably about 15, 20 years old now. I'm going to get you sucked and you'll dig it the most. Hey, check it out. I'm going to come right back with my buddy Ted Fowler. We're at the Broker Skull Ranch shooting the shit about pimping in South Texas chainsaws, lighting fires, farting in church. When I come back, I'm going to answer some questions that you sent in to Questions at steveaustin.show.com Coming right back at you. All right, here we go. I want to thank my sponsors for keeping this show on here for free. I want to thank you guys one more time. I keep drilling this. Thank you for going to Amazon.com and helping a brother out. When you go to steveaustonshow.com and click on that Amazon banner, it helps keep the show on air for free. You can do the same thing by going to podcast1.com clicking on the Steve Austin show, hitting that Amazon banner. It helps a brother out. And once again, Steve Austin show, same show it always has been, minus the F bombs. Same straight up, honest, real deal shit, minus the F bombs. You can listen to this show with your kids and that's the bottom line. I dig that. You, you want to tune in to Unleashed, you're going to get all this bullshit. I'm talking with Teddy about pimping pussy blow jobs, pierced gimmicks, fucking old Mike and all kinds of stupid shit like that. Amen. You know, just. Just want to entertain people. These shows are not designed to save the human race, not designed to solve any major diseases, not designed as a stimulus package for our shitty economy. Not designed. I could go on and on and on, but let's go ahead, answer some questions from fans who sent their questions in to questions at Steve Austin show dot com. One more can of audio Whoop ass just opened. Hey, Teddy, here's an important question I Always like helping a brother out. This is a relationship or question. Hey, Steve. I got married last August to my then girlfriend of 5 years. I'm a 25 year old male in the prime of my life. However, things have gotten a little stale in the bedroom. I love my wife more than anything, but the last year or so things have gotten a bit same old, same old. And we're lucky if we do it once or twice a month. Our careers are very demanding and on top of looking after two dogs, all we want to to do is flake out on the sofa. At the end of the day you're tired, you know, you're busy. Any tips on how to add a little spice into the relationship without making it awkward? Thank you and keep up the great work. Hey, man, I won't drop your name on the show, but you know who you are. Teddy, man, I tell you, sometimes guys are horny sometimes when the shit gets stale in the bedroom and I just need a, you know, you got to communicate, have a conversation with your wife there, bro. It might be something where you say, hey, baby, you know, I feel like I love you, but I need a little bit more activity. I need my dick sucked. I need to fuck more. What can we do to make that happen, man? I'm a cat that digs lingerie. That sexiness sometimes. I'm a cat that likes, you know, to be. Not that I always instigate everything. Sometimes I like, you know, my wife to instigate things and be the aggressor rather than me always doing that all the time. But Teddy, how would you help this young man spice up his activities?
- [55:46]
Ted Fowler
I'm with you with the lingerie department. I would volunteer to take her shopping. Lets the two of us. Oh, yeah.
- [55:54]
Steve Austin
I don't like all that shit with the frilly goddamn stuff and that stuff. I like, you know, when you got it kind of sheer. Yeah.
- [56:00]
Ted Fowler
Very, very subtle.
- [56:01]
Steve Austin
Subtle, yeah, yeah.
- [56:02]
Ted Fowler
Not anything with the crotch cut out, you know. Yeah, that stuff's out.
- [56:05]
Steve Austin
Trying too hard, man.
- [56:07]
Ted Fowler
I'm all about sitting at the house, watching tv, hanging out with the dogs. Got that part. But you gotta take her out to dinner, take her out to the cinema. You don't exactly have to go to clubs, I think, you know, I think clubs are hassles. If you go with a chick, bunch of guys, you know, you know, looking to rooster, that's one thing. You go there with your girl, I think you're inviting problems. But take her out to a nice meal, take her to the cinema, go shop and do Something like that. And come home and roost her. But man, you gotta talk, you gotta say, you know, hey, this is, this is how I feel. And it's, it's easy for me to say that now. I don't do that in my own, in my own relationship. I just sit there and stew on the couch. And then I'm like, fuck it, man, I'm out of here.
- [56:47]
Steve Austin
But see, that's to, to Teddy's point there guys are dumb. Yeah. That's why you've got to have that conversation and bring it out, flesh it out and make sure you cover it all and say, hey, what if we tried this? Let's check this out. I mean, hell, man, I ain't a big porn guy, but you know, maybe you need to check out a little bit of that action. There's whatever to do to get you in the mood, whatever, you know, I don't know how religious you are and all that stuff, but hey, man, there's more than one way to skin a cat. Talk to your wife, put it out in the open and discuss it. We'll leave it at that. Because above and beyond that, we're just rambling about nothing. Hope we were able to help you out. Dig this. This is from Celia. I don't get a whole lot of women writing into the show, but when I do, I like to answer their questions. I have a two part question in regards to your last discussion about your weight. First, what was the heaviest weight you were billed at in your wrestling career? Second, I know that sometimes wrestlers fib their build weights. Did you ever do this? And why do wrestlers sometimes do this? I think the heaviest weight I was ever billed out was about 255 or whatever kind of 252 was that magic number that I used for years in wwe. And that's pretty much what I was when I filmed the Longest Yard. I was. Man, drinking so much damn whiskey, I was at 275. We didn't bill me as that. I mean, it was a movie, but I weighed about 275. And to answer your question about why do sometimes wrestlers fib their build weights? Hey man, I guess just to make the, make the stakes seem a little higher. Always people want to kind of know what people weigh. And when you see someone, you always want to guess. But that higher number maybe sounds a little bit more enticing or cool to jazz things up, to exaggerate a little bit and make things seem bigger than they are. Wrestling is a larger than life endeavor. So sometimes, you know, you kind of just tack on a few pounds. I'd rather see so and so weighing 256 than Jimmy Joe, who weighs, you know, a buck 82. That being said, you can't, you can't fudge 70 pounds, but, but you see what I'm saying there, Teddy?
- [58:57]
Ted Fowler
Yeah. I mean, I'm, as a wrestling fan, I look at the wrestlers and I'm 6, 5, 2, 40. If I see a guy that's 6, 3, 2, 90, I think, God damn, that is a big, stout son of a bitch. Now, whether or not he's 290, you know, but still, on TV, they look all jacked up.
- [59:14]
Steve Austin
Anyway, TV makes it look a con hair bigger. Hey, here's a question. Hey, Steve, I got a weird question for you. I know you had some issues when you were losing your hair and, and you talked about in your book, I'm starting to lose my hair. I'm 33. Would you take Propecia if you were my age and losing your hair? I can get it for about $10 a month. But the thing is, you got to take it for life. Well, shit. I went to Hair Club for Men when I was about 25 years of age in Atlanta, Georgia, and they were talking about putting some hair plugs in and moving some shit around. And I considered Propecia back in the day, too. That Rogaine stuff was big back in the day. Maybe it's the same, same thing. But I wasn't down with that. It wasn't my protocol. And I'm bald like a motherfucker now. And so I decided not to go that route. At $10 a month, you can surely afford it. I don't know how effective it is because I've never used it. But that being said, if you love your wig and want to keep that hair, go for it. It's easy to afford a buck 20 a year. Ted, weigh in on this.
- [60:18]
Ted Fowler
I don't think that stuff works from what I know of it. Yeah, better than the alternative, getting a rug, because I have yet to see one of those that looks halfway decent. Man, I don't think you can fight the forces of time. I think if your hair is going to fall out, that is in your genetic disposition to happen. There's nothing you can do about it.
- [60:38]
Steve Austin
Nah, man. I mean, hey, man, you seen a commercial on TV about them guys that get those. It's a gimmick wig. When they get that thing weaved on, you're. It always shows them in. The wind's blowing and they're in the swimming pool and then their gals always hanging on them. The girl's about a 9 or a 10 in the commercial. And they're happy with these motherfuckers because they got a full head of hair. That ain't my cup of tea. What is that, a weave? Is that a transplant?
- [60:58]
Ted Fowler
No, I think it's. I think it's a weave of some sort. It sits better than. Have you seen the one where they spray paint?
- [61:04]
Steve Austin
Yeah, yeah.
- [61:04]
Ted Fowler
You know the Dirt and Bald podcast.
- [61:07]
Steve Austin
You use that spray paint. I won't bring any names, but you talk about ridiculous. Whatever you do, young man, don't go to the spray paint. These motherfuckers always, you know, and when he shows these bald headed guys on television, they're always miserable as a motherfucker while they're bald. And all of a sudden these motherfuckers get some hair on top of the head. They got trim like a motherfucker all over them.
- [61:30]
Ted Fowler
Yeah, they got a real shiny piece of arm candy with that addition of the hair.
- [61:35]
Steve Austin
And they're real proud of that hair.
- [61:36]
Ted Fowler
Oh, you bet, you bet.
- [61:37]
Steve Austin
And the wind's always kind of slightly blowing, so you can see that if you're in the wind, the wig will not blow off. Whether that motherfucker is weaved in your head or super glued to your head, I don't fucking know. But it wouldn't. It wasn't for me. Let's shift gears, move on down the road here. Hey, Steve, I love your work and I hope you've got time to. For a wrestling question. I think I remember you saying in one of your DVDs that you had to change the way you wrestled after your neck injury. You became less of a technical wrestler and more of a brawler in the ring. My question is if you never suffered the neck injury from Owen Hart match, continued to wrestle the same way you did before, do you think it would have become an even better in ring performer during the Attitude era? During the Attitude era, or would you have eventually changed your in ring style anyway? You know, that's one of the things when I got dropped on my head, I was more of a scientific wrestler before then, but then because of some limitations switched to the brawling style. And I think the brawling style is really what kind of also helped define who the Stone Cold character was and how he operated. So it actually ended up working for me. I obviously wish the injury would have never happened, but I think that style helped Stone Cold Steve Austin be who and what he was in his core essence. As A competitor inside the squared circle. Hey, Steve. I finished college about three years ago with a degree in marketing. After busting my ass and moving to Los Angeles, I finally got that 9 to 6 job. I hate it. It's not for me. I'm not sure what to do next. I've always been interested in broadcasting, music and wrestling. I've really enjoyed listening to your podcast. I wanted to ask your advice on how to break into broadcasting. You've always had a never say die attitude and it really showed through your stone cold Persona. So if anyone could to be straightforward, it would be you, David. Hey, David, you're talking to an ex pro wrestler. I don't know a goddamn thing about broadcasting. I'm a hack at the podcast thing. But I'm glad that you and everybody else are listening. Off the top of my head, bro. I would tell you to go get online and look into some shit. Some, some technical schools.
- [63:49]
Ted Fowler
Yeah, they got to have, you know, broadcaster schools.
- [63:52]
Steve Austin
Yeah. I mean, you're not digging that other job. I know it's a lot of time and effort though. I don't. You didn't put how old you are there, but man, some of these cats that I go on some of their shows and they come from the world of radio, so they went to broadcaster school. Yeah, they took journalism, broadcast, whatever, as a college course. Been doing it for four years and didn't have much experience. They have at it. And those people are awesome. They're flawless at what they do and I marvel at their ability. It's incredible. I don't have that ability. I just tell stories and talk shit. So if you get on a computer, obviously if you've got a degree in marketing, you can figure this thing out. But to give you a little bit of encouragement, I just say this, go for it. If this is what you think your dream job would be or should be, or could be, go for it. Give it everything you got. Come out on the other side, start pounding the streets and get you a job. Good luck in your career in broadcasting. Alright, Got time for just two more questions? One's a question, one's a little bit more of a comment, but dig this. Check this out. This comes from Craig over in Nashua, New Hampshire. If I'm not mistaken, that's Triple H territory. I believe that's where Triple H is from. Hey, he says during some of your time as Stunning Steve in wcw, you did not wear knee pads. Very few wrestlers did this back in the early 90s. But why did you go with no knee pads? You Know what? It was purely to go back to being old school. I figured, you know what? I was a tough motherfucker and I would just go out there and wrestle with no knee pads. I thought it kind of would be a different look and a different approach. And it's what I wanted to kind of, you know, use as my mo, My method of operation. So I did that. And I did it for quite some time. I'll tell you what, there's a reason guys wear knee pads. And I would have had bad knees had I wore the knee pads or not. But, man, I was dropping a lot of shit off the second turnbuckle, that elbow, and it will damn sure catch up to you. But I don't think it was the smartest thing I ever did. But it was just kind of a. Maybe a pan homage to the old school guys. And it was a. It was a trend. It was something that I experimented with and did for a while. And to anybody out there these days, you guys on Indy circuit or guys in the ring, I would recommend wearing knee pads. It'll save a lot of wear and tear on you and keep you going up and down the road. Because the bottom line in the business of pro wrestling or the business of anything is keeping yourself healthy and leading to a career of longevity. Also, you want to look down the road. Anytime you get in that ring. All you guys and gals that are just getting in, you basically have a fuel gauge of how many bumps and all that stuff you have in your tank. So you don't want to drain that tank dry by doing a bunch of stupid shit. Wear the correct protective gear. Take safe bumps, take good bumps and pick your spots. Don't be doing a bunch of crazy shit off a top turnbuckle every time you go out just because you think you need to thrill the crowd if you're going to start your career. Let me just bottom line this, if you're going to start your career, think about the long haul. Think long term. Think what's going to happen on the other side, how you will feel. I can tell you now that I've been out of the ring for 11 years. Some days you feel like a piece of shit getting out of bed. Other five, six days out of the week. I feel pretty damn good. But it all catches up to you. Protect yourself. Take smart bumps. Wear you some knee pads. Here's one. This is more of kind of a comment. Hello, Steve. The reason I write to you is to say thank you for being a great part of my life. My brother Passed away two years ago. He was in a wheelchair since the day he was born. He couldn't speak or walk. But when that glass broke every single Monday night, he loved it and so did I. We used to record on VHS every Raw so we could see a Raw again throughout the week. Now that I listen to you on the Steve Austin show, it brings a great deal of nostalgia and some warm feelings of the old days with my bro, God rest his soul. He would have loved the show. And I've got a question for you, Steve. Who do you see next year's main event, WrestleMania 30. Take care and God bless. Hey, man, I tell you what, I appreciate you sending in that email. I'm sorry to hear about you, brother, and I'm glad that you guys were able to watch Monday Night Raw and have some great memories together. And we. And I'm glad that I can still entertain you with this show. And again, this show kind of speaks to why I started the PG version so I could entertain family members of all ages. But I appreciate you listening to the show. And as far as WrestleMania 30, it's going to be interesting to see who they put in the main event. Obviously I think CM Punk is a contender, maybe Daniel Bryan, maybe Triple H, Undertaker, and we'll see if John Cena is healthy enough to get back in the ring at that time. Can't sit here and pick a tried and true match for you because I don't know, there's a big scramble out there right now with some guys down with injuries. But with that being said, I want to thank everybody for writing in, sending in your questions. I want to thank you for hitting the download button. Please bear with me as we get these shows situated. The Steve Austin show versus Steve Austin show Unleashed. Like I said, basically SAS is the same show it always was, just without the F bombs. I want to be able to turn families onto this show. And obviously on the Unleashed show, talk about all the stupid shit that we've talked about today. Farting in church, sneezing and farting at the same time. How the Lord works in mysterious ways. Ted Fowler eating pierced pussy. Me pimping pussy at the Broken Skull Ranch. You know what's hard out here for a pimp? When you're trying to get some money for the rent. Teddy getting on crestandmingle.com I won't mention that one more time because they might sue me. They have no affiliation with this show. I have no affiliation with them. Oh, here's another thing that I had on my notes, but I'LL share with you before we close the show. I had a young lady email the show the other day and she was concerned about my heart from taking Cialis. Now don't get me wrong, I don't sit there and take Cialis every fucking day or to eat three a day or nothing like that. She said I was going to blow my heart up, Teddy. So I called my doctor yesterday, you heard my conversation, talked to old Jimmy. I said, jimmy, someone who's a pharmacist said that I'm talking about being healthy and lifting weights and not drinking and eating right. And then all of a sudden I was going to blow my heart up by taking Cialis. You will not blow your heart up taking Cialis. And if you already are taking existing heart pills because you have a heart condition, you're already taking a blood thinner. Then if you dump a bunch of goddamn Cialis in your system, yeah, you're probably heading up to meet your maker in the sky or go to hell or go do whatever you're going to do. But taking Cialis is not going to make my heart explode. Young lady, I appreciate your concern. I appreciate you emailing into the show, but goddamn, there's two things that I got to do in life. One is sleep. The other is fucking. I take pills to do both and I love to do it. And I work my ass off to pay for my habits. Out of all the shit, out of all the stupid shit that I've done in my life to tear up my body, if dropping a pill that's gonna make me happy by fucking, I'm gonna keep taking it until the day I die. And if. Hey, check it out. That reminds me, I was thinking about this the other day. Teddy, did you ever see that movie with Brad Pitt called Legends of the Fall? Yeah, great movie, right?
- [71:33]
Ted Fowler
Correct.
- [71:34]
Steve Austin
Anyway, Anthony Hopkins, Aiden Quinn, I can't remember the other guy. Brad Pitt. The family out there were there. Utah, Montana. Montana, Montana. Anyway, everybody knows the movie, great movie. Brad Pitt's kind of the black sheep of the family. Good looking cat, long hair. Always hang out with the Indian guy and a free spirit. So the whole movie goes by and it's a terrific movie. Anthony Hopkins was killer. And so finally at the end of the movie, Brad Pitt's walking in the forest and he meets his maker. He gets in a fight with a grizzly bear. And that's how he dies. That's how Brad Pitt's character dies. And the Indian guy who's narrating this says it was a good death. What am I talking about. I'll tell you what I'm talking about. So if I take a Cialis, I'm getting a blowjob or I'm getting a piece of pussy and I die. It was a good death, huh? Let me stop right there. It will be an even better death if I die after I come see what I did there. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Shit. Hey, that's all I got to say about that. I'm sitting there. Ted Fowler. Where can we find you on Twitter, Ted Fowler?
- [72:49]
Ted Fowler
361.
- [72:50]
Steve Austin
361 is the area code down here in South Texas. You people want to say, hey, man, they got the three, the one, the six, the three, six, and the one in the wrong area, in the wrong ordered. That's not the case. That's the South Texas area code. I'm Steve Austin, BSR on Twitter. We're going into deer season. If you need a scope for your rifle, you can go to bsrscope.com get a badass 4x12x50 MIA optoscope with my name on it, my skull on it. It's a bad motherfucker. That's all I got to say about that last thing. A shout out to Blackheart International. They're working on Ted's.308 deer rifle. Should be completed in about a week. He'll start that out. If you're looking for a deer rifle, check out the folks at Blackheart International. They make some badass shit. You can check out me@brokenscore ranch.com. i ain't updated my website in a blue moon, but it's still there. Been meaning to work on my blog a little bit. I'm rumbling, I'm bumbling, I'm stumbling. We got work to do. We got to put a bed together. We got to get this thing all put back together. Very special edition. Steve Austin. Show it to Broken Skull Reds. And. And that's all I got to say about that. Hey, I'll catch your ass down the road.
- [74:08]
Ted Fowler
At first, I didn't think it was real.
- [74:10]
Steve Austin
I woke up to this blinding light and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv.
- [74:16]
Ted Fowler
Then I heard a voice.
- [74:18]
Steve Austin
Come with me if you want to live. There were thousand thousands of movies and shows and they were all free. Truth is, it's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow, the 100 and the X Files may
- [74:31]
Ted Fowler
cause excitement, loss of sleep and sudden belief in extraterrestrials.
- [74:34]
Steve Austin
No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV stream now pay. Never.