← The Steve Austin Show
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- [00:02]
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The following Program is a podcast ONE.com production from Hollywood, California by way of the Broken Skull Ranch. This is the Steve Austin Show. Give me a Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Now here's Steve Austin. All right everybody, welcome to Steve Austin Show. I'm coming to you from the mean streets of Los Angeles, California. I'm over here at 317 Gimmick Street. I'm kicked back in my office. I got my feet kicked up on a Coleman cooler which is full of ammunition, ammunition that I just brought from South Texas. Last Tuesday I got on an airplane, United and flew down to San Antonio, Texas and jumped in a Suburban and headed down to the Broken Skull Ranch. Now you guys might have heard if you listen to the podcast that I sold my ranch. Well, my wife and I did sell the ranch in Tillen, Texas. I, I retain the name to the Broken Skull Ranch. There will be another Broken Skull Ranch. The location to be determined on my research and where we decide to take that ranch to. So anyway, I will get more into that on another podcast. I'd like to have my wife on a podcast with me as we Talk about almost 10 years of ownership. Want to talk to Ted Fowler 361 who's been out there with me damn near the whole time I own that ranch, working his ass off, drinking Jack Daniels, drinking beer, having a good time, lots of work and lots of hunting and God dang, I'll miss seeing Ted as much as I got to see him. But you know, to be short with an answer right now, but like I said, I want to expand upon it. It just got to be a little too much after almost 10 years of doing it, living in Los Angeles, Marina Del Rey, whether you're driving down there or flying down there, it's 1500 miles. I just got back from the Broken Skull Ranch. I went down there like I said, I flew down there on an airplane, got a ride down there and picked up my truck and drove back. And I'll tell you what, that drive back that 1500 miles and I went from my ranch to visit my parents down there for a day and hang out with them and then left from Edna to drive back to Los Angeles that 1500 miles down I10 West. I made about 850 miles in the first day, ended up in Lordsburg, New Mexico. And then the next morning I got up at 4am and made it into Los Angeles over here to Marina Del Rey. And I'll tell you what man, that last trip, that last 1500 mile drive was really the exclamation Point on why we sold that ranch. It just was too far away. After doing it for almost 10 years, we just decided to tap out and try to find a place a little bit closer that we can enjoy on a more frequent basis and probably a much smaller place. But I wanted to pick up a microphone today and just tell a story about my last trip driving down there. All the headaches, hassles, and horrible horse crap that went with getting down there and then coming back. Because it really was that come to Jesus moment where I was really not sad that I sold the ranch. Glad in some respects because of the work and the distance. But, man, I tell you what, I take a lot of pride in what we turned that place into once we bought it. I'll tell you what, there was a lot of blood, sweat and tears, sacrifice, a lot of dollars put into turning that ranch into what we turned it into, and I'm very proud of it. And the new owners got a hell of a ranch. And I'm looking forward to them reporting to me the deer that they'll see next year because, man, they stepped into a real good situation. They seem like really, really nice folks. So I'm thankful for them to have come and bought the ranch. And I'm happy that they'll continue what I've built and hopefully they'll enjoy it as much as I did. The people that bought the ranch live in Texas. They only live a few hours away, which will make it easier for them to get down there and enjoy it and easier for them to get down there and do the truckloads and boatloads of work that come with maintaining almost 2,100 acres along the way, you know, and when I get to, you know, more details about selling a wrench today, I just felt like picking up a microphone. And today for me, this is Sunday. It's Sunday afternoon. It's a quarter to four. I'm sitting in my office. Like I said, I got my feet kicked up on this Coleman cooler. And I just wanted to tell you the story about my trip back because I thought it was a pretty damn good story. But on the way, I wanted to dispel a few rumors that had been going around on some of the wires, some of the stone cold Steve Austin Google alerts that I get on my email. And one of them goes back to WrestleMania 33, as you'll come to find out. I figured once me and my wife talked, it would probably take between one and three years to sell that ranch. When you're looking at selling 2100 acres in South Texas. It's got to be a very unique, specific, qualified buyer. And so it was going to take some time. It took about 18 months to sell that place. So I was right in the ballpark with my estimate of how long it would take to sell that place. So in putting the place up for sale, man, you never know when all these things are going to start lining up. And from a business standpoint and from a personal standpoint, I had a lot of irons in the fire, and they were all heating up as WrestleMania became right down the road. And then it happened. So you have all this speculation going on on the Internet at all. Stone Cold Steve Austin is done with the wwe. He's no longer a part. His contract expired. He's not satisfied with what's going on, and just all this malarkey, which was total bs. It all kind of started when I went down to the Staples center to interview KO Kevin Owens, one of my favorite WWE Superstars, going right now in a podcast. And people assumed I was down there talking business with the WWE brass to set up an appearance in Orlando for WrestleMania 33. That was not the case. I was down there to interview KO along the way, I stopped and visited with the boys. So anyway, never talked to anybody about being part of WrestleMania 33. As things go. I finally got an offer on the ranch a while back. These things take a while to close. Turns out we closed on the ranch. But right before we closed on the ranch, I had to go down there with a moving truck. Well, I didn't go down there. My wife, myself, the dogs flew down there one way, and then a moving company came out there, grabbed all the stuff that we were taking with us, loaded it up in a truck, and then they started driving back to Los Angeles. We got on our airplane, flew back to Los Angeles. The truck came two days later. This is going down right to the wire of when WrestleMania 33 is about to happen. So we're unloading the truck, putting it in the house that we're living in right now, besides the house that we're remodeling. That thing is still going on, and it's coming around, but there's been some major headaches with that as well. And so then in the contract, I had 30 days from when I closed to get the rest of my stuff off of the ranch. Now, the new owners are super cool. They probably let me keep my stuff there for a long time. But I like to work as the contracts say. So I just flew down there. I'm Fixing to tell you the trip, but going back to WrestleMania. WWE reached out to me and invited me down to WrestleMania 33. They know I love going to the hall of Fame and had some of my very close friends going in on this year's induction. But as it goes, I was having to drive down there, fly down there to get all my stuff, drive back after just selling the place, getting all our stuff. So, man, I was too busy. And I told the person that invited me to go down there, I said, hey, man, I sure appreciate the invitation, but I got so many things. And I let them know on the DL kayfabe that I just sold my ranch because I wasn't making that public news until all the smoke had cleared, all the ink had dried on the contract, and it was a done deal. And that ranch is a big part of my life and a big part of my passion for the outdoors. And so I wanted to make sure everything was settled. So I was frankly too busy taking care of all my personal business and some professional business that I'm working on as well to make it down to WrestleMania 33. But I just wanted to put to rest all these rumors and BS that say I'm at odds with wwe, this, that, or whatever. Hell, I was down there selling my ranch, moving all my stuff off. And listen, I thought the Broken Skull Ranch was going to be my final destination. Get more into that on another podcast. So I had moved, you know, pretty much almost everything I got down there. All my neon signs, all my porcelain signs, all my collectible stuff that I've been collecting for, man, 30, 40 years. And so we had to pack up all that stuff and move it back to Cali. And Mr. That, it was a ton of work. So, anyway, I will always be a part of the wwe. The WWE will always be a part of my life, man, I'm in this thing for the rest of my life. That's the relationship that I have with the wwe. So there's never been no heat, no this, no that, no whatever. I'm at a great place with those guys, and I'm thankful for everything they've done for me. I'm sure they're thankful for the things I did for them. And again, I'm a WWE member for life. So that anybody that spreads any of the Internet BS or rumors, you're hearing it straight from the horse's mouth. You're hearing it from Stone Cold Steve Austin. I was down there taking care of personal business. Anyway, I just wanted to clear that up because that was really chapping my ass. And it was really bothering me because people just start assuming all this stuff. And when you're doing something just like a major undertaking of selling a ranch of the kind of magnitude that it was, with all my stuff being down there, all my equipment, all my junk, it was a major process to pull out of there and the closing and the paperwork and the bank stuff. So it was what it was. And so I want to tell you my story, though. I had a good story, man. I had a great time flying down there, man. I went down on United Air and. And hell, that dude had just got drug off that airplane, that doctor out of Louisville. I saw all that going down. I said, man, it's going to be interesting. But anyway, before we get into my story about running out of gas, the incident that happened outside of Lordsburg, New Mexico, where I stayed at a KOA campground in a deluxe cabin, I just wanted to shoot the breeze with you and tell you my story. But before we get into my story and the body of this podcast, let me show a little love and appreciation to one of the longtime sponsors of the Steve Austin show, who makes it possible for me to do this podcast for you. Free.
- [11:46]
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- [13:22]
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- [14:23]
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The Steve Austin show the Steve Austin show all right everybody, here we go. I'm going to go into a little storytelling mode here with you and tell you my last trip to the Broken Skull Ranch. My Broken Skull Ranch. I'll end up going back to the ranch, but I retain the name Broken Skull Ranch. So I will go back to what the new owners have named it to visit them, check in on them and see how they're doing as they have invited me back and we've become somewhat friends in the short time that I've known them and they're very, very nice people. So anyway, man, I get the idea. Man, I need to go down there. My wife and I discussed it and I had to pick up my Chevy pickup, 2000 three year model, 77,000 original miles and my utility trailer, which is a 6x12 trailer, probably weighs about a thousand 1200 pounds. That's how I haul my buggies and my four wheeler and my motorcycles around. Anyway, I'm going to be ragging on my pickup truck here in a little bit because man, that damn thing was pissing me off on the drive back and I got to go ahead and take up for my pickup truck right now. Like I said, I love that pickup. It's 2003 model and when I got it, I got that truck brand new in 2003 and I wasn't really hauling any trailers around. So in and of itself, by itself it does just fine. And for a while I had a supercharger on it so I had bolted on 100 horsepower to that thing. But when I turned it into kind of a ranch truck, I took the supercharger off and went back to its stock motor status. Other than the set of headers and the exhaust system that I put on there. So the thing runs just fine. But I'll tell you what, when you trying to drag a thousand pound twelve hundred pound utility trailer and this thing was empty, it didn't even have a buggy in it. So this thing was empty. Driving that thing all the way down the highway, I'm going to be ragging on my truck a little bit. But I got to stand up for it first. When I bought it, I wasn't hauling anything around and now trying to haul it around. I don't know why Chevy made the decision to come up with the 5.3 liter motor. I don't get it. It don't make sense to me. I remember back in the day, my first pickup truck after my 71 Formula Firebird with a Chevy 396 in it was a 1970 GMC 3/4 ton pickup, 4 speed with the granite gear. That thing had a 350 and it ran like a spotted ass ape. So why, why would you go down as just your standard motor from the 5.7 liter to the 5.3? So I wish that anybody that's a shade tree mechanic, anybody that works in a shop and a certified General Motors mechanic or anybody from General Motors would email me@questionsteveausonshow.com and tell me, explain to me why that 5.3 liter motor ever came to existence. I'd love to know. Again, it's fine just driving around the streets, not pulling anything. But when you trying to pull anything and you're going up and down these damn hills, that thing's got a four speed automatic transmission, three speed with an overdrive gear and you're driving and that thing is just always kicking down into third gear and you go. The whole way, 1500 miles. It can be a little unnerving. But anyway, let me go back to the beginning of the story. My wife dropped me off at LAX airport. I needed to check a bag because I needed to take my sleep apnea machine and a couple other things down there. So I packed pretty light, but I checked the bag. I flew down one way on United Airlines and like I said, they had just drug that doctor from Louisville off that airplane. And boy, I tell you what, that was a sight. That was something I never thought I'd see. Dude just sitting there in his seat and said, hey man, your ass got to go, we need you to move. Dude says, hey man, I gotta get back to Louisville, I got things to do. Anyway, they drug him off air and busted up his nose a little bit and I got on the airplane just fine. I was flying up there in first class. I confirmed my ticket. I made sure that I wasn't going to be the person asked to get off the airplane. Because I had to get down to the Broken Skull Ranch, get my pickup truck and my utility trailer and my industrial sized clock that's sitting right in front of me that's about Jesus. That thing was hanging at the top of the pavilion. Taking that thing down with just myself was quite the task in and of itself. With that in the back and all my stuff, I'll tell you what, that's why I flew down there, to drive my stuff back. So I land at the San Antonio airport. But before we land, captain comes on the intercom and he says we're going to be delayed a little bit, maybe about 30 minutes. They put us on a holding pattern. Looks like we've got a storm below, man, I'm riding there in the damn first class cabin. I'm on about my. Probably about my fifth Viking orange juice. That's a shoot. I wasn't driving, I had a ride waiting on me. I always like to have a cocktail with a fly. Just makes the time go by a little bit quicker. Don't like to read anything. And I figured it would give me something to talk about on the podcast. Anyway, I was having a couple of vodka oranges, getting a pretty good little buzz on. And the captain says that. And I was thinking, man, maybe I ought to order one more round. I didn't. But I thought about it. I'm telling myself, man, it doesn't look like there's a storm down there. So anyway, turns out we get cleared the land and we land and it had been raining for quite some time. And I go out, my driver's there. I've been using Elegant Limousine or Elegant Transportation Service down there in San Antonio for probably 15 years. God dang, every time I need a ride or do something, car service. And I don't use limousines or nothing like that. I use Suburbans and stuff like that. But Scott the driver was there to meet me and we got my bag out of the baggage claim thing and we loaded up and Scott said, hey man, I got an umbrella if you want to use it. I said, no, man, I just ain't going to use no umbrella. So anyway, that umbrella was going to come a real important part of the story here very quickly. I'll tell you what, man, we got in that Suburban and we started headed down to the Broken Skull ranch. And son of a gun, I mean, you talk About a storm. That pilot wasn't lying. There was a hell of a storm. Wind started blowing. It was probably blowing at least 40 miles an hour. The rain was coming down sideways. We come down 37, we hit 97, went through Jordanton, went through Pleasant, hit 16, started going down Highway 16 into Tilden. And I'm thinking, holy smokes. See, God dang that Highway 16. It's about halfway treacherous to begin with just because it's one lane each way and you got oil field traffic, those big trucks running up and down there. Well, on this particular day, because it had been raining so much, I would guess that some of the areas got 4 to 6 inches. I know we got at least 4 inches at the Broken Skull Ranch. There was water standing in the road. And I just hate just running through those puddles of water when you're hauling ass and damn near jerks you in the other lane or off the shoulder of the road. And I was thinking to myself, man, this is my last trip down here to the Broken Skull ranch and we're going to die. I'm riding shotgun in a Suburban. It's raining cats and dogs. And this is where I'm going to finally meet my maker. Well, it turns out we made it down to Tilden. We took a ride on the road that goes to the Broken Skull ranch. And I tell you what, 15 miles later, the longest 15 miles I've ever driven in my life. I'm at the front gate. There's two gates to get into the ranch. A low fence gate by the county road and a high fence gate right there in the middle part of the property where the big part of the ranch starts to keep the deer inside. And there's a combination lock on both gates. Well, this is when Scott the driver says, well, you want me to get that umbrella? I said, yeah, I think I'm going to need it. So I'm getting ready to go out there. Scott hands me the umbrella as soon as I open the door. It's raining like a mug. I put that umbrella up. The wind's gusting 30, 40 miles an hour. I keep that umbrella pointed in the right direction so that it doesn't blow it backwards and just bust it all the hill and break it. I go over to my lock. I'm trying to spend the numbers on a four number combination lock. I got my glasses on. I needed windshield wipers on my glasses because it's raining so damn hard. The wind's blowing so hard I can't see a thing. On top of that, the Clouds are so black. It's only 5pm, 5:30 in the afternoon. But it's almost pitch black because the sun can't come out. I'm trying to use the headlights from a Suburban to see the numbers on the combination lock to spin the right number so I can let myself in the gate. That ain't going to work. I can't see. I go back to the suburban, I reach in the shotgun side, I pull out my iPhone. I got the big idea. I'm going to flip my damn flashlight feature on my iPhone in so I can see the numbers on that combination lock. But then I think, boy, that ain't a good idea. You got one of these otterbox gimmicks or whatever you call on your iPhone, but it's pretty old, the gaskets are kind of loose. This damn phone is going to get wet. You're going to be screwed out here, mister. In the middle of nowhere with no Internet, no phone service at the ranch because we turned it all off. Another major undertaking which goes with closing down a ranch. So I put my iPhone back in the shotgun seat. I go back to my backpack. If you ever go to the UPS store and you're checking out sometimes you see they got those little LED lights right there on the counter to try to sell you. It's about kind of like the shape of a pen. I got those all over the place in my trucks, in my deer stands in my backpack. I always carry one because they come in so handy. I bust out that little gimmick. I go back to the lock and then I can see. I put all four numbers in, take the chain off, open the gate, get back in the shotgun seat, throw the umbrella in the back. Said, alright man, let's go. I am soaking wet from head to toe. I have a dry fit shirt on, camouflage shorts, and that's when I'm wearing tennis shoes. I'm soaking wet from head to toe. Well, it was going to get a little bit worse than that. We go a half mile to the high fence gate. That means I got another combination lock and I had the remote control to automatically open the gate. But I've got to open the lock first and take the chain off. Well, this is when it gets interesting. When I opened the door at the high fence gate to step down, I didn't look down. And before you know it, both my feet are standing in 8 inches of water. Now my tennis shoes are about as wet as you can get a tennis shoe because they underwater. All of a sudden the wind shifts direction and the umbrella that I was holding gets turned inside out. All the fabric flies off them little metal gimmicks and it's busted. Holy smokes. I can't believe it. I get over to the gate, the damn umbrella is lodged up in my traps, my neck and my shoulder. I spin the four numbers, I hit the remote control and we in. Well, when we get in, got about another half mile to the compound. I tell Scott, I said, hey, dude, just drive to the barn, I'll get in my pickup truck, I got the remote control, I'll see you out and I'll lock all the gates. So Scott says, okay. We get down to the barn. I got my white Chevy pickup, white and pewter. 2003 had a trickle charger on it. I got my keys with me, I'm ready to go. I take out my duffel bag, my backpack, the things that I had brought with me, put them in the barn, come back and get them later. I saw Scott out, said goodbye to him and thanked him for all the years of service and driving myself and Kristen around to the ranch. And then I made it back to the barn. I back up to the pavilion at the compound and I'm getting ready to go in and it is still raining its ass off. So I stepped down, get my keys out, unlock everything. I go in. Bottom line is I'm at the ranch right now and I'm safe and I'm sound, but I am wet as hell. And so I grab my bags and the first thing I do is go into the utility room and just take everything off and throw it immediately in the dryer and put some new clothes on because that's how wet I was. God dang it. And right now most of the work I had to do was going to be inside taking my guns out of the safe, sorting through them, wrapping them up in blankets, getting ready for the trip back. I'm already looking at them. I know I've got a couple of guns that are too short. They're not legal in California, so I'm going to have to leave them with someone else in Texas. So I had the task at hand, just organizing stuff before I went out to the barn and got some of the things I'd set aside. My chainsaw, my industrial clock, all my coolers, my yeti cooler which was fixing to be filled with deer sausage, all the stuff that was going to go in the back of my half ton Z71 pickup. It was an interesting story. On a side note, when I first bought the ranch in 2007. My first night there it rained cats and dogs and it was the damnedest lightning storm you've ever seen in your life. It was like the aliens were coming down from the heavens and they were attacking us. It was almost like a war. It was absolutely beautiful. Unbelievable lightning storm. And fittingly, on my last night at the Broken Skull ranch, it rained its ass off and was another hellacious light storm, although it did not compare to the one that I'd seen 10 years ago. Well, anyway, I dried, got dressed, just kind of chilled out for just a second, kind of regained my composure as Gordon Solly would say way back in a for Florida wrestling and went out to the pavilion. I opened my safe, put in the combination and I saw all the guns I had. Now on that trip that me and Kristen made down there in the airplane, I took back four of my number one guns, my.300 win mag, my.7 mag and my two best.308s. I'd taken four guns back, but I still had about 20 to 25 rifles and shotguns all totaled up and maybe three pistols. And a couple of those guns were again the ones that weren't California legal. And I'm thinking to myself, man, you know, first of all, where am I going to leave those guns because my dad doesn't have room in his safe. God dang. My sister. Yeah, I can leave them with my sister because her husband has a big ass safe and they'll keep them safe for me. No pun intended. And I'll be damned if 15 minutes after I got there, all of a sudden the rain stopped, the wind stopped and it was just as cool and calm as ever. And I was like, why I couldn't have done this 15 minutes ago so I didn't have to get smoked getting all waterlogged and windblown, having to turn my damn windshield wipers on my eyeglasses. It was like, you know, I didn't think while we were sitting at that lowfence gate I was gonna say, hey Scott, let's just give it a minute, maybe we'll wait it out. It wasn't one of those kind of rains. So all of a sudden when it just stopped raining, I just figured, alright, it's the big guy upstairs pulling a rib on me for all those times as Ravish and Rick Rude would say I had taken the Lord's name in vain. So I said, good one big guy, you got me. Anyway, I'll tell you what, everything. It was an interesting moment being there when everything settled down and I was looking inside my Safe, and it's a Fort Knox safe and it's a big one. And had all my stuff in there organized. Guns, bullets, binoculars. I went back behind the bar and got all my ammunition out.308,45,9 millimeter AR15, lots of.300 win mag, seven mag, lots of shotgun shells. Probably all totaled up about 4,000 rounds worth. And I was like, God dang, that's some heavy stuff. Where are you gonna put all these bullets? Because a lot of them were bought in bulk. So I didn't want to just have a bunch of boxes of bullets in the back of my truck. Now I had a big ass yeti cooler that I just bought. I think it was 105 quart. And out of all the deer sausage that Ted and I had split over the season, the part that he left for me and the part that I had in my freezer exactly topped off that yeti cooler. If you've ever picked up a yeti cooler, you know that those things are heavy when they don't have anything in them. All of a sudden you add about, I don't know, close to 100 pounds of deer meat. It's really heavy. So I got that going for me. I got one heavy ass suitcase. I'm thinking about how I'm going to put this in my truck in the morning, how I'm going to organize this. Because here was one of the key things that I was worried about with my deer meat and that brand new cooler. And then with, with this big Coleman cooler that I have my legs laying on right now as I sit in the back of this chair. It's full of.308 bullets, ammunition and stuff like that. Probably weighs 150 pounds. I was worried if I stayed in a regular hotel, like, I don't know, there's not a bunch of fancy hotels on the way back from Tilden to Los Angeles. So if I stayed at any hotel, I was going to have to be inside a structure not close to my rig. And there's no way that I can bring in an industrial clock, bring in my brand new steel chainsaw, drag in 150 pounds of bullets in a cooler. It just wasn't going to happen. So I figured someone was going to steal all my stuff while I was sleeping. So I figured, well, here's what I'll do. I'll stay at a KOA campground in one of those cabins that they have. Me and Kristen have been using KOA campgrounds for years. On our way back and forth to the ranch, we stay at some Other ones that aren't KOA campgrounds, but we always stay at those campgrounds. And Kristen gets online and she makes me reservations at Lordsburg, New Mexico, and she got me the deluxe cabin because you ain't got to have a camper to stay at a KOA campground. And this is one of the best choices I've ever made. It was an awesome stay, but I ain't got there yet. I'm just trying to figure out how to load up all this stuff in my truck and how I don't want it stolen. And I ain't even got a tarp or a covering or nothing for this thing. So anyway, I figured the next day after I loaded up my truck, I was going to haul ass down to Edna, Texas, home of the Edna Cowboys. God dang. We used to open up a can on Friday nights, Friday night lights, and visit my parents. And so it's 165 miles down there to Edna from Tilden. So I got all my stuff loaded up in the back of my pickup truck. I'll post a picture on Twitter or on my Instagram account, steveaustinbsr. And I tell you what, if there had never been a Beverly Hillbillies, there would have been one by the time I rolled up in there. They beat me to the punch. I had so much junk. I mean, this stuff is some of my prized possessions. This industrial clock from the 20s or 30s, it's super cool, but it ain't up everybody's alley. The two coolers, the yeti, the Coleman, my chainsaw, my gun rack for my Kawasaki mule, my windshield for my Kawasaki Mule. All kinds of stuff is in the back of my truck. I ain't even got a cover for it. I didn't even think about getting a tarp for it. So anyway, that next morning, Wednesday, I drive down to see my parents and I get into Edna. And I'm thinking, man, my wife sent me two bottles of wine to drink the first bottle of wine I drank that final night at the ranch, chilling down after that long flight, after that hellacious rainstorm. Drank a bottle of wine, kicked back, put on my little sleep apnea mask and just slept like a baby. Hauled ass into Aetna, got into Edna, and I figured, you know what? Shoot, I'm going to be in Lordsburg. I'll probably drink that bottle of wine there. So I better run by the liquor store and get me something to drink while I'm visiting with my parents. I had gotten word that my sister was going to come over and my nephew Was going to come over. My favorite nephew Neil, I sold him my 2007 Z71 pickup. He was going to come by and I figured, man, I got to have something to drink and just have a little cocktail. So I went over to the Lego store there in Edna. I got me some Jose Cuervo margarita mix and they didn't have any patron silver, so I got some dying Julio silver and it did fine. So anyway, I go back to my folks house and we're visiting. My sister comes over, Neil comes over, my dad's in his chair and my mom is in her chair and we're just shooting the breeze, laughing and joking and telling stories and God dang man, we're having a blast. So a few hours goes by and I figured, okay, it's about time to uncork one and make my first Broken Skull Ranch margarita. They got a yeti tumbler in there in the cabinet. So I filled it full of ice and did my famous mix and God dang, it went down good. And after a while my dad got tired and he tapped out. And then finally my sister had to leave, so she left. And then my mom got tired so she tapped out. And then it's just me and my nephew Neil sitting there in the living room of my parents house in Edna, Texas. And that young man is 17 years old. And I'll tell you what, you talk about a good kid. Yes sir, no sir, studies his ass off, works a couple of jobs, is just the best kid in the world. But we got this thing going where we're pretty tight when we're hunting at the Broken Skull Ranch or hanging out together. I use a lot of very colorful language around him. But he is a very respectful kid and doesn't use the same language. He knows that his uncle Steve is his Uncle Steve and he sticks to the words that he's allowed to say. So we got this thing where we'll go back and forth making up the most outlandish stupid BS stories you've ever heard in your life and you try to tell them to the other guy, me to him, or him to me, without cracking a smile. So God dang, I hit a couple of grand slams. We was going pretty good and finally I looked out of my watch and I said, holy smoke, smokes man. It's almost midnight. I was planning on leaving at 4am I went in there to make my last margarita. Hell, I damn near drank a whole fifth of tequila. I told him, I said, neil, I got to take my ass to sleep. I got to leave here at 4 in the morning. So man, we shook hands and I said, I won't see you in the morning because I'll be gone and you'll still be asleep. This is the Steve Austin Show. All right, let's pick it back up on with the story. So anyway, after going to bed around midnight, I got up the next morning, I'm like, holy smokes, I'm feeling just a little bit rough. That fifth of tequila right there might have, should have slowed that down a little bit. Anyway, wrestled around there and bed a little bit and by the time I got everything together, I left out of there 45 minutes late. I left at a quarter to five, got out of there, I was driving down the road, I said, man, gonna need something to eat. And by the time I drove by the McDonald's in Edna, Texas, God dang it, it was 5:00am McDonald's in Edna opens at 5:00am I went through, got me two, what do you call them, sausage McMuffins with eggs. I got two of those things. I threw away the bread and just ate the sausage patty and the egg and the cheese because it kind of started just eliminating some carbs. So I had coffee, my belly was full. I was pretty happy. It was 5am I was behind the schedule a little bit, but I figured I'd be alright. Normally when we drive back and forth to Los Angeles, we take our route back through San Antonio because we're right off the 10 where the ranch is down there in South Texas. Same thing with Edna, although it's a little bit out of the way. Edna's kind of tucked down there kind of by the Gulf coast, coming up through a few small towns. Finally get on i10 right there around Luling and I'm hauling ass. And I told my wife, I told her, I said, you know, I'm going to go down there, I'm going to have all those guns with me, I want to be cool with those. I want to get pulled over and then start going through my truck wondering about some bald headed guy with a goatee with 20 to 25 long guns and a bunch of and 4,000 rounds of ammunition, chainsaws and stuff like that. Could be a little bit of hassle. So anyway, I left the short guns with my sister, took them back to Victoria to hold for me, got on that road and God dang it, I made it through San Antonio, come out of San Antonio, went through Bernie, went through Bernie, come through Comfort, on into the hill country. Kerrville, always liked Kerrville. I got to Kerrville I looked down at my gas gauge and it says quart of a tank. I looked up, the road sign said, Junction, Texas, 43 miles. I said, Huh, 43 miles. I can make it on a quart of a tank. So I kept on going, taking a chance. I could have done the sure thing and gassed up in Kerrville, but I was sure that Chevy Z71 with that 5.3 liter motor which is going to, Could get me all the way to Junction. I'll tell you what, that little motor pulling that little trailer, it's only a thousand twelve hundred pounds, empty. You're in the hill country. When you get in San Antonio, you're in the hill country. And you will be in the hill country for a couple hundred miles till you get on the other side of El Paso and then you get into Mexico and you still got a little bit more climbing to do. And I'll tell you what, I thought I could go 43 miles to Junction, Texas and make it, but it turns out I come up a little bit short. My low fuel light comes on on the gas gauge. That means you need to think real hard about pulling over and getting some gas. But the thing about it is, you can't pull over and get no gas if there ain't no gas to get because there ain't a gas station around. I was six miles from Junction, Texas. I needed gas. All of a sudden, boom, the motor shuts off. I am officially out of gas. And I've only driven probably about 200 miles. Now, I've always wondered when I saw those people walking down the highway or the dirt road with a gas can like, dude, you didn't read your gas gauge. You didn't see that you was about to run out of gas. Why didn't you stop and gas that thing up, you big dummy? Well, now I was the big dummy. The big guy upstairs pulled another rib on me. You know how you get used to driving your car and you kind of know where that E is, how far that needle can get down before you are truly out of gas. Now, when that light come on, I knew I was in trouble. But I have all my other vehicles. I know when it says empty how many more miles I can go. And I'll be danged. It shut off. And fortunately, I was at the top of a big ass hill and I put it in neutral and I just got on the shoulder of the road and I just coasted on down that hill as far as I could. And I pulled it off to the right. I had My blinkers, my emergency turn indicators, my emergency signals flashers on because I needed to signal people that I had a mechanical problem. I was pulled over on the side of the road and here I am. Don't hit me from behind. And yes, my trailer lights were working and hooked up because I got all that stuff covered because I do my due diligence on my hauling. But there I was, out of gas on the side of the road. Now, for those of you people that travel that I10 corridor, you know that there's that truck stop, the Segovia truck stop, right there on the outskirts of Junction, Texas. Well, turns out I was 3/4 of a mile from a Segovia truck stop. The deal was I'm on the westbound side, it's on the eastbound lane. So I'm either going to walk straight down 10 west, cut over on top of the crossover highway and then go get a five gallon can and walk back, or cross the 10 highway and then walk up the I10 east side and go in and get me a five gallon gas can, fill it up and walk back. So I'm sitting there thinking, God dang, man, I really don't want to leave my pickup truck because I'm just worried about thieves. I mean, I don't know what they think I got in the back of this truck. And if they find out, I mean, you know, you ain't going to steal this entire cooler because it's too heavy to drag. It took me a monumental effort just to get it in this room. I haven't put it on a scale, but it weighs at least £150, full of bullets. I got all my guns in there. I don't want nobody to steal my guns. They can't take off with this industrial clock. They probably don't want it, don't know what it is, don't want to mess with it. That yeti cooler, they can steal a couple of lengths of deer sausage, but they ain't going to steal the whole thing unless they got a damn back brace and a weightlifting belt to put out of the truck. But I thought some of my bash windows in go through the back and I had all my guns laid across the seat, but I kayfabed them, had them all draped with blankets and stuff like that. So they was kind of hidden. But all you got to do is lift up a blanket and boy, there you got a bunch of guns. And turns out they're going to be my guns. And. And I don't want no thief having my guns. So I said, well, I got two options here. I can walk over to that store. Maybe I'll call the guy running that store and see if they got a, you know, a gas service, tire service, mechanic, portable, that they go out and do stuff. So I get on Siri. I say, hey, Siri, give me the name. I said, siri, give me the phone number for the Segovia truck stop. God dang, if Siri didn't get it right the first time, gave me the phone number. I called a dude up. Dude says, truck stop. And I said, hey, man, y' all got road service? He goes, yes, we do. I said, man, I'm out of gas. I'm on I10 West Lane. I'm about three quarters of a mile as the crow flies from your shop. I can see you. I said, can you send a mechanic over here, somebody with some gas so I can come over there and gas up? He goes, yep. I said, okay. There's silence. He goes, you want to know what our rates are? I said, yeah, what are your rates? He said, it's going to cost you 150. I'm thinking to myself, a hundred and fifty dollars to come three quarters of a mile to bring a global icon and a national treasure some damn petro to put in his truck so I can go to the damn truck stop and fill it up a buck fifty. A buck fifty for someone to go three quarters of a mile. I said, we'll send him. I said, I didn't want to walk. I didn't want to get my stuff stolen out of my damn truck. So anyway, I'm sitting there, and so I'm like, well, I kind of need to use the bathroom. So my old trick, it's a cab and a half. So I open the door, open the back door, and proceed to do my business on side of the road. And then, man, I look back behind me, here comes pulling up a black and white suv. Texas Highway Patrol, Department of Public Safety, whatever it's called, is pulled up behind me. Highway Patrol. And he's got his red and white flashers going. I think, all right, man, dude, maybe give me a hand or whatever. Just wants to see what's up. And I start walking back towards the suv. And he kind of gives me the signal in the windshield. Hey, that's far enough. So I stop, I stand there and wait for him to get out of the car. And he does, and he goes, 3:16. What's going on? Turns out the dude recognized me from back in my wrestling days. I said, oh, nothing, officer. I ran out of gas. And I just called the fuel service to come over here and see if they could help me out. He goes, what they charge you a hundred bucks? And I said, no, 150. He goes, man, don't pay $150. I'll take you over there. I said, man, I sure would appreciate it. So anyway, I called the Segovia truck stop and I said, hey man, I said, I'm coming to you. You can cancel the service. I'm going to come get a gas can from you. He goes, alright. So I went ahead and shut that little deal down. Saved me a buck. Fitting. So I get in there and the guy has to go through his protocol first. He goes, I need to see a driver's license. And I showed him my driver's license. He ran everything on me, cleared me. They got to do a bunch of protocol. If you ever get into a highway patrol's car now, if you've been drinking, driving, or doing something stupid, then you're going to get in the back seat. This guy, this officer was helping me and so I sat in the front seat. So I was thinking to myself, he's watching, putting all the information. I said, God dang, dude, y' all got a lot of technology going on here. He goes, oh yeah, part of the job. I mean, you damn near need to be a computer programmer to be a highway patrol. It was unbelievable. Anyway, he typed in what he was doing helping a stranded motorist. Blah, blah, blah, Officer Dutch over. Appreciate you pulling over and taking care of me and helping a brother out. So anyway, I was thinking, okay, this guy's going to put my seat belt on. So I latched my seat belt in. He goes, well, you just locked yourself in. He goes, you got to have a key to that to get out. I looked down and where you latched the seat buckle in. Sure enough, they've got it covered up with a gimmick key that the cops carry because if they're transporting somebody. So I'm thinking, God dang, man, this dude just giving me a ride and I done locked myself in the suv. He goes, don't worry about it. He goes, anyway, we get over, just drive three quarters of a mile and he's got to fuel up anyway. So he's out there getting him some gas. I walk in there, it's a very little truck stop. So go to your truck stop, walk right to the plastic gas cans, get a five gallon, set it on the counter, didn't have a price tag on it. And a guy hits me with this one, that'll be $26. And I'm thinking $26. I didn't even put any gas in it yet, $26. I pulled out my credit card, I handed it to him, I said, I didn't say a word, I just, it's another rib. All those times I used the Lord's name in vain. According to Rick Root is coming back on this trip. Paid them $26 for a plastic gimmick gas can. The ones you see everybody else walking down the road. Mine was a five gallon. I'll treasure this gas can for the rest of my life. Walked out to the damn pump, filled it up, put it in the back of the suv, shut the hood, walked over, put it in the suv, shut the hatch back. And Officer Dutchover took me back to my vehicle. I started gassing up my truck. I put about half of it in and he goes, you might want to save that other half. I said, alright. I shoved my gas can in the pickup truck and officer and I shook hands. He said, good luck, have a safe trip. So thank you one more time, officer, I sure appreciate you helping me. What I forgot to tell you guys while ago was when I was there with my parents before I started firing down those margaritas, I was in there visiting with my mother and she had asked me, steve, do you have a tarp or anything to cover all that stuff in the back of your pickup truck? And I said no. I was thinking about buying one, but I just never got around to it. She says, I have a brand new one in the garage, you want it? I said, well sure. And my dad says, steve, I got some bungee cords we can use and we'll go back and cover up all that stuff in the back of your pickup truck. I said, okay. So we go back here, my mom brings a tarp, it's a 6 foot by 8 foot. It's the perfect size fit over all my stuff. And boy, me and my dad are out there bungeeing that thing down. Started off at the front of the cab over that Kawasaki windshield and then across the other stuff and we had those bungee cords everywhere and it was tied down really, really good. I mean really, really good. So we're going to come back to this. So anyway, I got the tarp on my truck, we're back in Junction, I get in, I start my pickup truck, I go to the Segovia truck stop, gas the damn thing up with my credit card, get back on i10 West, I'm hauling ass, I got a long way to go. Because as you go from Texas to California, you start gaining hours. And I left at a quarter to five. So by the time this all happened, it wasn't even noon yet. I think it was about 11, 10:30 somewhere around there. 11:30 maybe, but it was still early. I still had a lot of driving. It might have been 9:30, but I had a lot of driving to do. I was going to try to make about 850 miles and that's where I made it to Lordsburg. So anyway, I got to get on the road. I take off. I'm going through West Texas. I pass through Sonora. That's where I used to hunt a long time ago. Made it through Ozone. I figured, man, this would be a good time to pull over. It started raining real bad between Sonora and Ozona, and I was glad that my mother had given me that damn tarp. Pulled over at the Sonic, got me a double jalapeno burger with cheese. Threw away the buns and ate the damn sandwiches and got it back on the road. And I'll tell you what, after I ran out of gas the first time, I was real leery because it's always like this on a car. No matter you got the cream of the crop model or some piece of junk, you always get more miles out of the first half of that gas tank than you do on the second half. It seems when that gravity starts taking into effect, you get less miles on that second half of that tank. And so, man, I wouldn't let that truck get between a half and a quarter full. I would pull over and gas that thing up because I didn't want to take another damn chance. Made it through Fort Stockton, cruise through Fort Stockton like it was nothing. Went through Bombery and then went through Van Horn. Originally, I thought I was going to stay in Van Horn, but that wasn't far enough. Kept on going, and before you know it, there I am, Fort Hancock, Texas. It always reminds me of Shawshank Redemption, because that's where the character played by Tim Robbins cuts across and tells the character played by Morgan Freeman that Fort Hancock, Texas. You take the Fort Hancock, Texas, then you go down to Sehuataneo, where Tim Robinson planning on going. And turns out Morgan Freeman ended up going. But they went through Fort Hancock, Texas. I don't know where Sehuataneo exists or if it actually does exist. So anyway, I made it through there, and here I come right on the short side of El Paso. I'm passing through Fabin's, Texas. Now, Fabin's is Where one time we pulled over at the truck stop back when we had this big super C, super class C RV with a diesel motor and the motor crapped out and we were stuck out there in Fabin's, Texas at a truck stop and we were stranded. So I always think about that. And I knew El Paso was coming up about 30, 40 miles from there. And I wanted to pull over one more time. Because once you get to El Paso, from the outskirts to outskirts, that's 26 miles of some of the worst drivers put on earth. And I'm in that damn truck, loaded up with a bunch of junk and a 6 by 12 utility trailer. And I was just praying that no one would change lanes, run into my trailer or do anything else. I just wanted to get through El Paso. So if you ever drive through El Paso, you'll understand what I'm talking about. And anyway, I was passing through there and it was about 3pm so I'm thinking, okay, this is good because I gained an hour, it should have been four. But since I gained that hour going into Mountain Standard Time, there shouldn't be any rush hour traffic. Turns out I was wrong. There was plenty of rush hour traffic. And I couldn't figure it out why. Finally. Oh, Jesus, I won't say it. Finally I make it through El Paso. No major incident other than that gold Buick, whatever that. What's the name of that car? I can't think of it for the life of me. The dude is in the left lane. He's driving 60 miles an hour. I'd been driving in the left lane. I was driving 70, 75, running radar like I said. I told my wife I was just going to take it easy. But when you have 1500 miles to drive, you say, hey, I'll piss on taking it easy. I got to drive as fast as I can. And I was. And so this dude's driving 60 miles an hour in the left hand lane. So I look in my rear view mirror to get into the right hand lane to pass him. There's no one there. I turn on my indicators, my blinkers, to make the right hand lane change, gas it. Now all of a sudden, turns out the guy in the gold Buick, whatever it was, wants to drive 70 miles an hour because he didn't want me to pass him. So with a little bit more enthusiasm on the gas pedal, I was able to smoke his ass, put on my left turn signal and get in front of him and continue to lead the charge. I don't understand why I won't turn this to one of my traffic symposiums of the things that I can't stand or that just drive me batshit crazy. I won't get into that. So, man, I come on through there and that's when I start talking to Kristen because I was thinking, okay, maybe I'll stop in Las Cruces, New Mexico. But still that's not far enough. It's still early in the afternoon. You've got 1500 miles to drive. You've got to cover the first day and you've got to drive a minimum of 800 to 900 miles. Normally if I'm just pulling just my pickup truck without a trailer, I'll make Tucson, which is a flat thousand. So I go through Deming, New Mexico and I'm thinking, man, you know, I'm starting to get a little shaky. I got a semi hangover from drinking a fifth of tequila. I had three hours of sleep. I ran out of gas in Junction, had to get carried to the truck stop by the highway patrol. That probably took 45 minutes from as soon as I ran out of gas. If you'd hit a stopwatch to me getting back on the road after gassing up anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and then, man, once I got through Deming, I Guess Lordsburg's about 60, 70 miles out of there. I was almost home free. Well, Lordsburg is 160 miles from El Paso. I had Kristen look it up on the Google. So I'm getting ready to pull in to the KOA Campground and stay in the Deluxe Cabin. If you've got a computer, look up KOA Campground and look up the Deluxe cabin. Man, that thing was badass. But here's the problem. I wasn't in Lordsburg, New Mexico yet. I was eight miles away from Lordsburg, New Mexico listening to Pandora radio on the Jam Box in the front seat of my pickup. Jesus. I had a shoulder mountain deer riding shotgun. I had my boombox that I listened to while working out the Broken Skull Ranch. Because I had lost my headphones when the DPS officer picked me up, I didn't have any headphones on. So I turned on my Bluetooth speaker, my jam box and I'm listening to of all songs, Hotel California. As I'm eight miles out of Lordsburg and I hear a big boom and I'm like, God dang, what in the hell happened? So just like a pilot in an airplane, I do an all systems check, okay? My front tires are still good. My rear tires are still good. My Chevy truck is running straight down the road, there's no mechanical with the truck. Everything's fine and dandy. I look back at the trailers. Now, bear in mind, this all happened real fast. Going 80 miles an hour with the cruise control running radar. I'm almost there. I can already taste my first drink. And I'm already getting ready to start up the barbecue pit and cook some broken skull ranch deer sausage there at the KOA campground. Boom. Okay, what could be wrong? All my tires are square. My motor's not blowing up. I look back at the utility trailer and my utility trailer gate, which is about 5ft long, they stick straight up, and you latch them on some pins with these latch keys. Well, turns out somehow my damn tailgate come off and I'm dragging it down the highway going 80 miles an hour. Luckily, there wasn't nobody behind me. I said, well, God dang, what in the hell is happening here? I pull over on the side of the road. I put on my emergency indicators, my flashers to indicate to the trucks going 80 miles an hour. Don't hit my ass. I'm over here on the shoulder of the road and just be cool. I get out, I walk around the backside, the pickup truck over to the trailer, and I say, well, looky here. How in the world did this gate just fly open like this? And this is the kind of gate, like I said, it's about five feet long. And this is how you drive in your utv or you're riding lawnmower or whatever. You're going to get in the back of your trailer. This is how you load it up. So I'm thinking, well, God dang, maybe the pins somehow came out of there. And I picked the gate up, and sure enough, there were the pins still into the dowels that you hold them on that holds the gate to the back of the utility trailer. What happened? Now, look, the flanges that are welded to the gate itself on both sides had broken off. Now, how can both sides of the flanges that mount the trailer gate to the trailer while you're in transit break off simultaneously eight miles from your destination? Once again, is the big guy upstairs pulling a rib on me for using the Lord's name in vain according to ravishing Rick Rude. And I was sitting there thinking to myself, you know what? I thought about leaving this trailer behind. But it's a brand. Well, the trailer's 10 years old. I bought it when I bought the ranch and started hauling stuff around, and I just can't leave it behind. It's too valuable. Damn things cost about $1,000 probably. It's a Big Ten trailer. How could the damn well just snap off that thing? But I was thinking to myself, I'm trying to get my ass back to Marina del Rey. And if this trailer is going to prevent me from doing so, I will pull off the license plate and I will leave it on the side of the road. Because right now, I do not care. I want to check into my KOA super deluxe cabin in Lordsburg, New Mexico. I want to fire down a drink. I don't know what I'm going to drink yet. I'm going to get to that and then I'm going to start up my charcoal briquettes with my lighter fluid that stories to come there and cook my dinner and eat it and then get up in the morning at 4am and then leave for Los Angeles so I can get back to my baby girl, Kristen and my three dogs, Hershey, Moola and Callie. But I got business to take care of. And right now I got a gate that won't close. And so I'm thinking to myself, okay, let me see what I can do here. Fold up the gate and. Well, ain't got nothing to latch it to. So I just bent it all the way forward kind of. J rigged the hinge there. And turns out I always carry a section of rope in my passenger side door just in case you need a piece of rope. It's probably about 4ft long. I remembered that piece of rope. And you got to understand now, this is my truck that I've owned since 2003, but for the last 10 years, while we used to drive this truck back and forth before we got an rv and then we started flying some of the time. And I put that camper shell on there. You know, I haven't driven this truck a whole lot because I've been here in LA and I just leave the truck there. I drive an SUV in LA and I miss my damn pickup truck. So I know I got a piece of rope in there. Those handles, there's handles on each side of that gate. What I'm going to do, I folded that thing forward and tied the handle to the top rail of the trailer. J rigged it and that's going to hold me. And so, God dang it, I get back on the road and head down to Lordsburg, New Mexico. I'm there. Here's the exit. KOA Campground. I get down there, I take a right, I'm looking around. It turns out I took a wrong turn in Lordsburg because the KOA was to the left. But it turns out, no pun intended, that I took the right turn because it took me right directly to the Lordsburg liquor store. And like I told you, I had a bottle of wine waiting on me. But right now, I needed something. Before I got in that bottle of wine, I needed something else. And I needed it fast. I mean, I needed it in a hurry, and I needed it for medicinal purposes. Specifically medicinal purposes, people. And that's a shoot. Half hungover now, dragged out, dude had run out of gas and junction his damn gate. Almost fell off his trailer eight miles out of Lordsburg, listening to Hotel California, trying to get to California. But before that, the KOA Campground. Put down camp, put my pillow down, hook up my sleep apnea mask, cut me some Z so I could wake up and hit the damn road. So I figured, well, what do I drink? There's all these options up in this liquor store. What you gonna do, big boy? So I walked over to the Cuervo Margarita mix. I picked up a bottle and I looked for some Patron silver. They didn't have none. I said, well, hell, that would have made it real easy, because if they had had it, that's probably what I would have ended up drinking. I take my grubby hand, I put the Cuervo mix back on the shelf, and I said to man, go look over in the beer section. Here's the thing. When you in west Texas, in South Texas or somewhere, you know, like now in New Mexico, IPA selections are very, very slim. But they got a couple IPAs up in there. And I'm thinking, okay, I'll do a six pack of ipa, and then I'll get into that bottle of wine. Well, they don't sell any Steve Austin Broken Skull IPA in Lordsburg, New Mexico, at the liquor store, because we ain't in New Mexico. And that's the best IPA I've ever tasted. So now I got to do something else. I got to make a judgment call here. They got Sierra Nevada. They got a Sierra Nevada Torpedo. They got Goose island or Goose ipa, whatever it's called. They've got a couple other ones. And I'm sitting there thinking, man, you don't want to make a bad beer choice because you got a six pack, you go into the campground, you don't want to come back. And I'm a beer snob. I don't want to drink a bad beer. Even if I bought it, if I need it, I'm not going to choke it down. Hell, I'll end up driving back and Getting a different six pack. But right now I got to take a chance. So I take a flyer and I get a six pack of Goose ipa. Turns out they had that refrigerator set real cold. I go over to the KOA campground. I pull in, pull over to the curb, walk into the check in station, and sure enough, there is the equivalent of if you were old enough to remember, or if you have ever watched this show or this comedian, if you ever watched the Carol Burnett show. There's a guy there on the Carol Burnett show who also did other things on his own, such as dwarf on golf, dwarf on anything. Tim Conway. Tim Conway, when he used to play the oldest man in the world, was one of the funniest guys I've ever seen on television. What a gifted, funny human being. And I'll be danged if the guy working in this KOA campground wasn't the exact equivalent of Tim Conway, world's oldest man. I thought it was going to take an hour to check in. And it turns out I finally check in. He draws the route to the deluxe cabin, which is only 150 yards straight down the road. But he drew me the map like he supposed to, and I paid for it. It cost me $125. $125. That's pretty damn steep to stay in the middle of nowhere. But this was the deluxe cabin. Once I got into the deluxe cabin and saw how cool it was, it was worth every single cent that I paid for it. It turns out, though, I'm going to make many trips back to this store where this guy works and my camping spot, my deluxe cabin. Because I keep forgetting stuff. I get there, I need a bag of ice for the beer. I go back, get a bag of ice. I pour my beer in the kitchen sink, ice it down. It's got to be ice cold. Then I'm thinking, okay, I'm going to make deer sausage. I forgot to buy the charcoal briquettes, and I forgot to buy some lighter fluid. I walked back down once again and get the charcoal and the lighter fluid, go back, get everything ready, start spraying the damn coals. Multiple layers, multiple layers, multiple layers. A charcoal, lighter, lighter fluid, whatever you want to call it. I start reaching around my pockets and stuff like that. I'm thinking, well, hell, you got everything else but you forgot to buy some matches. I'm thinking, man, now I got to make another trip up there to talk to the Tim Conway dude and get some matches. And so, God dang it, I'm thinking, all right, son of a gun. Here we go. Walk another 150 yards back to the office. And I said, hey, man, I forgot to buy anything to light this fire with. Y' all got any matches? He slowly walks around the corner to the matches, comes back around the corner after getting the matches and hands them to me. And so I start walking to the cash register. And I'm thinking in the back of my mind, you know, I've already spent $125 renting the Deluxe cabin. I've already bought a bag of ice, bought some other stuff, another trip probably, I forgot to tell you about. I'm thinking a box of matches probably is going to say, hey, man, don't worry about it, just take a matches. Nope. You know how much a box of 32 matches cost in Lordsburg, New Mexico at the KOA campground, I do 41 cents with tax. I paid him the 41 cents using a dollar bill. I got my change and I went back, I started my fire. If you ever burn charcoal briquettes down, you got to burn them things down to where they get gray and then they get red, and that's when you're ready to cook. Sometimes it can be about a 30 minute process, give or take. I'm waiting for my coals to burn down. Finally they ready. Meanwhile, I had popped a top on a Goose IPA and put it in a red Solo cup so I could make all these trips back and forth to whoever makes Goose IPA or Goose island, whatever it's called. That's pretty damn good beer. I prefer Broken Skull ipa, but that's a pretty good beer. It damn well did the trick. Thank you for a good ipa. Turns out though, I'm cooking my deer sausage. Three links of deer sausage, because I want two links for leftovers so I can cut them up, wrap them in full, and that's what I'm gonna eat on my trip back to Los Angeles so I don't have to stop and eat burgers and stuff and expedite the process to get back to my house, Marina Del Rey, to my baby girl and my three dogs, Hershey, Moolah and Callie. That's all I want. Turns out after I start chopping my sausages up, I had forgot to buy mustard and mayonnaise When I ate my Broken Skull Ranch deer sausage. I like to dip it in mustard and mayonnaise. I walked back to the store at the KOA Campground and bought some mustard and mayo from Tim Conway. And then also realized if I'm going to take all the sausage for the road, I need to Wrap it in something. So I got me some foil, one more purchase at the store at the KOA campground, went back, cooked my sausage, and then from then on, it was kind of like heaven. I was relaxing, probably had about an hour, hour and a half left of sunlight, and I was eating my deer sausage in my cabin, drinking my Goose IPA in a red Solo cup. And then I finished eating dinner. I cut up my other sausage, wrapped it in three different little packages so I could have a small amount. Had my mayo ready in the truck so I could get ready in the morning. When it left at 4am sharp, I just walked around out there and I called my wife. We've stayed at that campground several times in our rv. This is my first time to rent the deluxe cabin. I highly suggest it. And the thing was, I parked my truck with my deer head in the front seat and all my stuff in the back. I thought, man, maybe while I go to sleep, someone might lift my chainsaw out of there or steal something. It's always safe. And that's the reason I wanted to stay at the KOA campground rather than go inside to a proper hotel and just leave my stuff parked in a parking lot and be a victim. And I didn't want nobody to steal my guns. And once you start transporting a bunch of guns into a hotel room, boy, that's when you're going to really get people's attention. So my plan worked out to perfection and I had a wonderful stay. And I want to say thank you very much to the guy at the KOA campground. He was premier, very professional, very helpful. When I was saying he was slow, he was slow. But I'm just ripping on the square, top notch stay at KOA campgrounds. We've always had good stays there. So I'll tell you what, man, time to hit the hay. I called my lovely wife and FaceTimed her out there in the little pavilion. I had a little 15 by 20 barbecue area. And I tell you what, she looked at me, she goes, oh my God, your eyes are red. She goes, you look like shit. I said, I feel like it. And told her, you know, about the tequila the night before and everything else. And she already knew the running out of gas story. And then I just told her about the tailgate story. And I was having a damn good time just relaxing and enjoying being in the great outdoors. That's why I would rather stay at a campground than at a hotel because I enjoy the outdoors. Watching them cars, you can see them in the distance, go down the highway, is very Peaceful there in Lordsburg. I had a good time, but all good things come to an end. I decided to turn out the candles, get some shut eye, put on my sleep apnea mask. After finishing my bottle of wine, the little goose IPAs I had, and all my deer sausage, everything was ready and it was time to go to sleep. I turned out the lights and I slept like a damn baby. Woke up every 15 minutes crying. I'm kidding. God dang. I had a good sleep and just because I'm so OCD, I woke up at 3:45. God dang, man. I couldn't find my toothbrush. I packed it away in one of my bags and couldn't find it. Couldn't brush my teeth. Rounded up everything from a deluxe cabin, threw it in the truck and I go out, look in the tailgate, look in the back of the bed, make sure everything's still there. Guess what? It is. Industrial clock is still there. Cooler full of bullets. Check. Still there. Cooler full of deer sausage. Check. Still there. Chainsaw still there. Windshield for the Kawasaki mule. Gun rack. Everything is still there. God dang it. Lots of honest folks over at the KOA Campgrounds. Man, I tell you what, started the old truck up, put her in drive and hit the road. It's dark, 4am sharp. I am on the road. I am, man. Real Type A when it comes to traveling. Cannot stand being late. Just like to hit the road and go. But when you leave early in the morning when you're driving, you know, because it's still dark, got to run a little bit slower. But the point is just to get on the road and get the miles behind you. You know how far it is, you know how many miles you got to drive. You just got to sit there in that seat and you got to drive them. So I was making my way, crossed over into Arizona, coming on in, everything was good. Got into Tucson early, before rush hour traffic, another 90 miles. I'm in Phoenix, hit a little bit of rush hour on the beginning of the city. Then it opened up and just hauling ass down the highway. Get on through, everything's going good. Cross over into the California border. Everything's running smooth, I'm running good. And by the time I get into that Indio, Palm Desert, desert hot springs area, boy, I tell you what, that's when the traffic, especially about that time of the day, it's about 10, 10:30, give or take. And I tell you what, you might as well paint your number on the side of your car and start trading paint because it's Like NASCAR from there into la, everybody is just driving like a maniac. And I tell you, man, I get in that left hand lane and people see a pickup truck and a utility trailer and they think, what's he doing in the left hand lane? He ain't going fast. No, dude, I'm driving as fast as that traffic will let me drive. I'm getting these sports cars trying to pass me, but I can only go as fast as the car in front of me is going. Sometimes I got a swing right lane after turning on my blinkers, making a lane change and gassing it and getting rid of some of the riff raff, hogging up the left lane. Man, I tell you what though, that is an intense section of highway. And all of a sudden you come in and you think you're getting close to la. And when you're out there in Palm Desert, you're only looking at a buck 20 to your destination. 120 miles. I done got damn near 1400 behind me. It's that last buck 20 that are really intense. Coming on in through Riverside, stay on the 10, pass by the old Fontana Motor Speedway, whatever they call it, NASCAR circuit. You coming on in there and finally you go through West Covina, Covina at bottlenecks there, coming into LA and then you gotta go through East LA and it really gets tight. Coming in on the 10 there, trying to merge all those lanes. Then you get to the downtown area and although you may be in Los Angeles, I live in Marina Del Rey, I think. Still got another 40 miles to go. Traffic starts squeezing down. You're running about a 40 foot rig. By the time you get the beginning of that pickup truck to the end of that trailer. And just making lane changes is damn near impossible because nobody wants to let you in because you got that long trailer. They just get up too close and you're looking for a big enough slot to slide over. I'm sitting there driving down the damn 10 freeway, minding my own business, trying to get onto 405 to take my exit to get over here to Marina del Rey. And God dang, man, you know, traffic stop and go, traffic stop and go. Early in the morning like it is, or rush hour or that parts of the day in Los Angeles, God dang, there's a black BMW 5 Series. And you know, traffic locks up. And my truck, I love my truck, but with that utility trailer hooked on behind of it, the brakes ain't so great in it. So I'm giving plenty of distance on the front side of me. So I Can make sure and make my stops and not rear end anybody because I'm a careful driver, watching this guy in the black BMW 5 Series come hauling ass up behind me. And I got LED lights on the back of my trailer. When I hit my brakes, you know I'm on the brakes. When I hit a turn signal, you know, I got a turn signal going on. You know, I'm going left or right or I'm braking because those LED lights back there are really bright. Dude smokes up his tires, comes screeching to a halt about, I don't know, six inches from the back of my God dang utility trailer. I thought he was going to rear end me. And I just kind of, you know, I rolled down my window, just kind of put my hands out like, dude, what are you doing? Are you texting? You playing on your phone? You playing Candy Crush? You know, Pay attention. There's a dude that's trying to get home to his wife and his three dogs in a Chevy pickup, pulling a utility trailer that's all Caddy wampus. And I'm just trying to get home so I can call it quits, unload all my junk, my collectibles, whatever you want to call it and just relax for the rest of the day. That's all I want. I want to make it safe. I want to make it one piece. It was a journey down there in that airplane, Got caught in that rain, gathered up all my stuff, Jerry rigged a bunch of blankets and guns in the back seat, threw a damn shoulder mount deer in the shotgun side, all my cooler, chainsaws, everything. I just want to go home. I just want to finish the transaction. The transaction that helped me not go to WrestleMania 33, the closure that I wanted to move on to my next endeavor again. There will be a podcast about that with my wife and with Ted Valor 361. And I just wanted to finish this journey because anytime me and my wife are separate from each other, we want to make sure that we're safe because God dang, we want to get old together. You know what I mean? So traffic, you know, that trip, you know, anything can happen. I'm going to give a shout out real quick here. I passed a lot of damn truck drivers and a lot of truck drivers passed me on my journeys up down that 10 freeway. And man, I used to, you know, I still love to drive, but just 1500 miles, when you got to do it in two days and get back to work and start doing stuff is a little much. But a shout out Swig of water. All the working men and women out there driving them trucks, man, saw a lot of good drivers, courteous drivers, you know, hitting the old flashers and stuff when you give them clearance to pass and stuff like that. So swig of water to the truck drivers out there that listen to this show. God dang, y' all got a hell of a job. That's a tough life running up down the road in a truck. And I always consider myself part truck driver when I wrestle for the WWF and in WCW and uswa, all those places. Because you know, one hand you're a pro wrestler, you're in that ring, that 20 by 20 squared circle telling the story, entertaining people, trying to put asses in seats, but then you got to get to the next town. So God dang, man, I've driven a lot of miles in my life and I'm going to drive a lot more. Probably not so many frequent miles down that i10 down there to South Texas, but in the different areas. So shout out, bottom line to all the truck drivers out there. God dang, boy. See them on the side of the road there at those rest areas, catching some Z's and stuff. And all the truck stops that I pulled into, because I always like to stop at those truck stops. Look at all the CBs and stuff like that. The short chance that I get while I'm trying to grab some coffee or get a diet Red Bull and get on the road. I actually bought one of those little gimmicks you put on the side of your head. It's a headset with a fold down earpiece. Because I had lost my iPhone headset when that DPS guy helped me out with that gas. So anyway, they got all the cool gadgets over there and God dang, man, I started getting close to my house. I pulled into my house, finally got off on the exit, hauled down Washington Boulevard, everything still in the back of my truck, pull into my driveway, man. I got all my cars out there on the curb. My wife had cleared out the driveway for me. I backed in my 6x12 utility trailer. I hit the emergency flasher buttons because my truck was kind of sticking out in the road there on Gimmick Street. I unhitched my trailer, I put it down, I reparked my truck. And that's when I started paying attention to what was going on on the sides of my truck. Way back when I started off in Edna, Texas, before I took off, I told you guys, my dad and I were out there bungee cording that tarp on the back of my truck to cover all my prized possessions, most of it junk. Well it turns out we did such a good job of bungee cording that damn tarp, it rubbed two holes in the paint on each side of my truck. Wore the paint all the way down to the silver body of the pickup on each side where we had bungee cored that damn tarp so it wouldn't fly off. So I after all that Damn driving over 15, close to 1600, well 1700 total miles. When it was all said and done going down to Edna and leaving out of there, I got two holes rubbed inside my God dang white pickup truck on the outskirts by the fenders and tore my damn utility trailer up when the damn gate damn near fell off. And I jerry rigged that. But the bottom line was I ended up home. And when I drive just in my pickup truck or an suv, that's a pretty haul ass trip. But just with the utility trailer you can kind of get a feel for how it is. And this is like whether you're going down there in an RV or if we're driving down there in an suv. You know, stuff like this happens fairly often. And so it's just kind of stuff like this that I kind of start liking to get away from. Because once I get into that other podcast and we start talking about the work at the Broken Skull Ranch, you will understand. But I want to. God dang. If the good Lord was pulling some ribs on me, he sure got some good ones on me and got apologized for, as Rick Rude would say, using his name in vain so many times in my life. I made it home safe and in one piece. It was just a moldigger of a trip and I'm glad that I'm back in LA wrapping up some business and getting closure on that part of my life. And again, there will be another Broken Skull Ranch. But I'll say goodbye to that piece of property. And I got some good times and some great memories, some headaches, hassles and some horseshit down there. Blood, sweat, tears. But I still love you outdoors. I'm still going to hunt, still going to fish, still going to do all the same damn things that I was doing down there. Just going to do them in a different place. Coming up in the next few podcasts, I'm going to talk with my wife and get her point of view on everything that happened down there over the the 10 years. Talk with Ted Fowler 361 if he got some time off from his busy Schedule down there in Rockport. This is Steve Austin. I'm back here in Marina Del Rey, fixing to knock out some podcasts for you. Got some good guests coming up that are coming here to the studio at 316 Gimmick street coming right back to close the show. The Steve Austin Show. The Steve Austin Show. All right, everybody, give me the go home cues. Time to wrap up this podcast and ride off into sunset. Before I do, I give you guys one. I know there's a lot of people out there, probably young enough that they ain't never seen the movie Vacation. If you've never seen the movie Vacation or if you have seen it, but it's been a long time, watch it one more time because that's what it's like driving back and forth to Texas or as you know in your travels, driving back and forth to anywhere and the things that can and do go wrong. One of my favorite movies of all time. I appreciate you guys listen to me just flap my gums here. But I wanted to tell you about my trip. Again, it's bittersweet to sell that ranch. It's closure on one end, but it's looking for the next place on the other side. Just a place that's going to be a little bit more convenient. But anyway, enough about all that sentimental shit. I'll probably get sentimental when I talk with my wife and Teddy. But all the shirts that you see me wearing last season, the Broken Skull challenge, they're@prowrestlingtease.com Steveauss if you're looking for the best IPA money can buy, get my Broken Skull IPA from El Segundo Brewing Company. I wish I would have had it in Lordsburg, New Mexico, but shout out to Goose IPA. Hey, stop into the brewery if you're in LA, 140 Main street in El Segundo. You can pick that beer up at Whole Foods and Total Wines if you live in California or order it from insidethecellar.com if you live in a state that they ship to. And as far as me, Steve Austin goes, you can find everything Steve Austin@brokenskullranch.com including the Cold steel Broken Skull knife and the new Working Man's knife, which is a little bit more price friendly. I want to thank you guys for supporting all the fine sponsors of the Steve Austin show. That's how I'm able to do this podcast for you twice a week for free. And you can find all my sponsors@podcast1.com just click on the killer deals button at the top of the page and then click on the Steve Austin show banner. And hey, the 62nd AP news headlines are coming up next. All right, folks, until next time, my name is Steve Austin, and I will catch your ass down the road. This has been a Podcast one production. Download new episodes of the Steve Austin show every Tuesday@podcast1.com that's podcastone.com. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows. You swear? If I'm lying, I'm dying? This is the mindset? Free? This is the mantra?
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