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Steve Austin
The following program is a podcast ONE.com production he started in a small town in Texas, worked his ass off to become one of the most famous wrestlers of all time. We're gonna take care of business tonight and that's the bottom line. And now he's dominating the world of On Demand Audio and he's doing it for the working man. This is a damn good outlet for me to spew the off my this is Steve Austin Unleashed. All right everybody, welcome to Steve Austin Show. I am coming to you from the mean streets of Los Angeles, California. Today. I'm sitting over here flat on my ass at 317 Gimmick St. Recording the open of this podcast. I am about to be joined by my illustrious wife Kristen over here as we shoot the breeze about the headaches, hassles and horseshit living in Los Angeles, California today. As much as I like the weather out here, sometimes life in LA is a real pain in the ass and you just got to get away and get outdoors and go ride your mule or shoot your bow or whatever it is. That's what I did. Or just sit here shooting the breeze. And as I talk about shooting the breeze and about how the weather is bright and sunny, my thoughts are still with everybody recovering down there from the hurricanes down there in the Houston area, Rockport area, Corpus Christi, Port Aransas, everyone affected down there in Florida by Irma, so much more recovery to be done. Damn, Puerto Rico just didn't get hammered by a badass hurricane today or yesterday as I speak. And earthquakes over in Mexico. I think there's one in Japan. My thoughts are with everybody going through these natural disasters that just come up out of nowhere and just Open up a can of whoop ass. As you'll hear in the podcast, man, I'm fixing to head down to Home Depot and go grab up a generator. I've been putting this shit off for too long. And I know as we had an earthquake out here a few days ago, I think it was a 3.6 or 3.8, it was minor. Got to be one coming. So I'm going to get ready for that. Go get a goddamn generator. I got to spin up my research and pick out one and go get it. Nonetheless, I'm shooting a breeze talking about all that stuff and I don't want to sit here and brag about being in the sunshine. We're going to get our ass whooped here one of these days. I'm sure there'll be a big quake out here in California and I'll get my Ford Bronco and ride around and see what I can do with my battery chargers, my jumper cables and all that bullshit I told you guys to buy a long time ago my four way tire tool. Hey man, here's a quick shout out. A couple of days ago Bobby the Brain Heenan passed away. And man, I tell you what, I want to say a couple of words about that guy because I only got to hang around Bobby Heenan a few times. And that guy was one of the funniest human beings I've ever hung around with in my life. And I grew up, you know, he was like a generation, generation and a half before me. But watching him with interact with either Gorilla Monsoon or Vince McMahon or just him by himself doing the Bobby Heenan show on the old WWF programming back in the day. You talk about a lights out, charismatic, articulate, eloquent, supreme entertainer. Bobby Heenan could do it all. He had this kind of timing and a gift for physical comedy. Whether he was managing somebody dressing up in a suit and wrestling somebody, taking bomb selling, reacting, he was just, man, he was just so goddamn funny. And I just really appreciated everything that he did. And I didn't get a chance, like I said, to hang around him a whole lot. But it seems like I damn near grew up with the guy because when I was in WWF back in the day, one of our lead agents was Blackjack Lanza. And Blackjack helped me with almost all of my pay per view matches, stuff like that. And we were always close just from, you know, travels on the road. And I like to drink beer and whiskey and Jack liked to drink beer and whiskey. So we just hit it off. We would always strike up a Conversation at the hotels or wherever. But most often, we would always gather up before the shows, before the wrestling shows where Blackjack was running the show. He was the agent handing out the finishes. And it'd be me and Jericho and Taker might be there or Bubba Ray. I mean, the whole cast and crew could have been there. But I know it was always, you know, God dang. Blackjack would always. He'd always talk real low. You're not going to believe this one time, me and Heenan, and he'd launch into a story about all the bullshit that Blackjack Lanza and Bobby Heenan got into. And, you know, more often than not, there was just a lot of shenanigans and bullshit and ribs and the guys are just great friends. And so literally, for a couple of years, you know, when Blackjack Lanza was an agent, I mean, a big part of going to the shows and getting there early, beating all the traffic, whatever you got to do is hanging around waiting for your chance to get inside the damn ring and do your match and then take a shower and then get on to the next show. So. So you're spending a lot of time just shooting the breeze, hanging out and talking. Hello, Callie. Callie just came over. And so a lot of times we're just trading up stories. And Bobby Heenan's name would always come up and all the guys would gather around, or it was me and Jack, and he would spin those stories. So to Bobby Heenan, I know you're going up to that big 20 by 20 squared circle in the sky. And I know that Bobby was in a bad way for a long time as he was fighting everything that he was fighting. And you know, some people say, hey, well, he's in a better place now. I really believe that to be true with Bobby Heenan. I think it just seemed from everything that I had gathered, the guy was in a lot of pain and suffering so much that he passed on, and he's going to go up to that big wrestling ring in the sky. But Bobby Heenan, you provided me a shit pile of entertainment. I couldn't give a shout out to you to do you any justice if I wasn't able to cuss. And so today is my day to day. Recognize Bobby the Brain Heenan, one of the funniest son bitches and heat, getting some bitches to ever get in the business of pro wrestling. And it had not been for pro wrestling, if Bobby Heenan would have gotten to any other form of entertainment, he would have made it to the top because he was just that talented of a guy. A real quick Bobby Heenan story. I can't remember if it was the 2009 hall of Fame or 2011. I cannot remember. But if you'll remember Bobby's speech, Bobby Heenan was talking up there and he starts announcing, because I believe at this particular hall of Fame ceremony, It was on April 1st, and Bobby Heenan said, there's a special deal going on tonight. If you all look underneath your chair, there'll be an envelope. If you have the envelope underneath your chair, you will win. Whatever he was saying was up at stake. And everybody in that goddamn arena started filling around underneath the bottom of their seat for that envelope that was going to mean they had won something. And everybody was sitting there, feeling around, fiddling around. And finally after a few seconds, Bobby lets them off the hook. April Fools Bobby fooled everybody in the goddamn building with just a bullshit joke and everybody took him serious. It was awesome. You had to be there. If you weren't, you know, then you missed it. But anyway, Bobby Heenan was awesome. I was a huge fan and I'm gonna miss you, and I hope you're at peace up there in the sky.
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Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
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Steve Austin
You're hired and you're hired.
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Steve Austin
This is Steve Austin unleashed. All right, everybody. Welcome to Steve Austin Show. Good morning. I'm sitting here at 317 Gimmick street, across from a 4x4 table with my illustrious wife, Kristen. Good morning, Kristen. How are you?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Good morning, Steve. And apparently I'm supposed to say yes, and I'm doing great.
Steve Austin
I was trying to coach my wife up. My wife talks her ass off. She talks a lot. A lot of times I'll get home from doing something and I'm wiped out and we start laying down in bed and we're both perusing the Internet and my wife has to download her entire day to me. And I don't want to say shit. And she's just talking. I'm trying to read and she just keeps talking. So all of a sudden, I get on a podcast, I just ask her a question and she gives the brass tack answer. So I told her right before I hit the record button. Yes. And so elaborate further, you could say, hey, man, you know, I got up this morning, you know, we had a quick cup of coffee. I went off to my exercise class, came back, I'm ready to do the podcast with you. Or you could have said this because this is what actually happened. As you know, if you listen to the podcast, we used to have three labs. We had to put Hershey down. We have two labs. We have moolah. And Callie, Moola's a silver lab. She's what, five years old?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
She's four and a half inches.
Steve Austin
Four and a half years old.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
50 pounds. Overweight.
Steve Austin
She is overweight. We're trying to dial it back. I give her Too many treats. It's all my fault. God damn, that's a smart doggo.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
She is very smart.
Steve Austin
She knows how to work me. She brings me this Black Kong toy and she just jumps up and throws it in my lap. And when she does that, I'm supposed to put a treat in it, slap a spoonful of peanut butter in there and hand it to her. And God dang, she's off like a shot. She goes to our bedroom and that's where she eats it. So I don't know how many damn things I give her. Obviously way too many. But when I'm walking her down the street, Dan, we're taking a walk every single day. It's like walking a damn silver school bus. She's that fucking big. Like, dude, why's that guy got that bus on a leash? That ain't a bus. That's my silver lab. She's just a little bit heavy.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, and she also finds avocados in the yard. So she eats probably three to four avocados a day. And that packs on the weight.
Steve Austin
Goddamn. We got this big ass avocado tree over here and that. Some bitch just. Just drops off avocados after avocado. And we go in there and you'll see Mula sneaking around the corner. And she goes to the bedroom door from the outside and sneaks on our bed. And we go in there and we bust her and we go moolah. And she gives us the most vicious growl because she's being very protective. Of course, she would never bite us in a million years. It's kind of a game we play with her. And you gotta pry the goddamn avocados out of her mouth to get to some bitches. And, you know, it's three or four of them a day.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And this is after the squirrels have gnawed on them and whatever other wildlife out there has been chewing on them. She wants to eat them. And they're disgusting.
Steve Austin
I couldn't believe they were actually eating them. I just thought they'd bring them in there and fucking around with and playing them like a tennis ball.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
No.
Steve Austin
Yeah. And they start eating those bastards. And you know, for your average avocado, you know, you're looking at about the size out there. 200 to 220 calories.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yeah.
Steve Austin
So times three or four, six to 800 calories on top of what we're giving her. And the dog food that we give her is high quality dog food at the recommended dosage. I've been giving her too much peanut butter and treats and then those avocados. Hey, man, you can't be. I've been on a keto diet. She's at a caloric surplus. I'm about to put her little canine ass on a keto diet and see how it works for her. I slimmed up on it. I just put my carbs in yesterday. God damn. It was nice to put two and a half cups of brown rice back into my diet. Well, two cups of rice and a half cup of oatmeal.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yeah.
Steve Austin
It was like heaven. I can actually start eating carbohydrates again. I felt a little bit more energized. The keto ride was interesting. I had plenty of energy on it. Kristen. But then towards the end of the day, after about four to five months, I started having a few lulls. So now that I do now with a slow add in of the carbohydrates, I'm feeling a little bit better. Do I look more energetic?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
No, but you were drinking, like, 16 Red Bulls, seven cups of coffee.
Steve Austin
It got to be a little much. And plus, I mean, I was doing a hardcore, you know, intense cardio along with my weight training program, kind of halfway trained, like all those athletes of the Broken Skull Challenge.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
It was pretty cute to look over here and see you doing burpees and, like, mountain climbers and all sorts of crazy exercises that I've actually never seen you do before.
Steve Austin
Hey, man, I'll tell you what. I had a conversation with Cassidy from the Broken Skull Challenge, and after talking with her, that kind of really opened my eyes up. And I've been talking to Tommy Hackenbrook and Ian and all my. And Hunter, all my premier athletes, and Candice. And the one time when I sat down with Cassidy and listened to her talk about how and why she worked out the way she did over epic hybrid fitness in New York City, I said, man, there's something to this. I gotta give it a try. And so I decided to step out of my box and, you know, the same old same I've been doing for 40 years, you know, 12 to 16 sets of back, 12 to 16 sets of chests, eight to 12 sets of, you know, buys or tries, you know, it's the same old, same old.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
So that's pretty funny to watch your rickety old body get on the ground trying.
Steve Austin
Pretty funny. Fuck, my. My ass is funny. Here's the thing.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
You're not flexible. That's the.
Steve Austin
No, I ain't flexible at all. And I always like when sometimes I respect the hell out of all the people who you Know have adopted or adapted a CrossFit type lifestyle or that's the training regimen they use. Great. I'm not a fan of the kipping pull ups or some of the other movements, but it's a great methodology or structure to get in badass shape. And so these people, sometimes they'll tell me, hey man, you can do handstand push ups and kippen pull ups. And I had my shoulder rebuilt. You can do it. No, motherfucker, I can't do it. You didn't live 14 years on the fucking road having got beat the shit out of you with steel chairs, dropping you on your stack of your stack of dimes and getting two rebuilt shoulders, a fusion in your neck, broke bones in your back row right arm don't straighten out. My right arm's crooked. As a politician, you forgot about your knees. Yeah, God damn. Had acl, pcl, putting the left knee, still missing the PCL in the right knee. So don't tell me what I can do. I know what the fuck I can do. So my wife came around, you know that we. My workout facility is right beside our house in the backyard. It's got a canopy over it. And I turn my little jam box on and I got my system going. And my problem is Moolah comes over and she wants me to throw the ball for her. Finally, Moolah has realized that it's not time to throw the ball with daddy. He's trying to work out. But Callie ain't figured that out yet. She's always standing right there with a tennis ball in her mouth. And Callie's problem is she's very vocal.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Very vocal. She's the loudest lab I have ever had in my life.
Steve Austin
None of our labs have ever been barky.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
No.
Steve Austin
Now when someone knocks on the door or rings the doorbell, Moolah has this just siren of a long winded bark. I mean, it's a. She lets you know what the fuck's going on. That's her house, someone's at the door. But she doesn't really bark.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
No.
Steve Austin
Callie comes over here. I'm trying to do my workouts, and I'm gonna get into what I was doing with my.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
It's pretty cute, though.
Steve Austin
Oh, it's very cute. And I love her. And so I've invented a system with her. But she'll sit that damn ball down on the ground. And while I'm over here trying to do burpees and squat, thrust and push, ups and planks and doing my cleaning, jerks and all the other stuff, she's barking at me, throwing a fucking tennis
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
ball, and just stares at the ball and barks.
Steve Austin
And then she looks back up at you. Do you not understand, you dumb motherfucker? I want you to throw this ball. And so like finally I just started throwing a ball and there's a, what's it, a cement block wall and I got a bunch of signs nailed up to it, and I'll throw the ball, it ricochets off the wall, and then she starts chasing it and she gets a damn good workout. But by the time I'm sitting there throwing the ball for her for 20 minutes, you know, I've got too much time in between my sets, right? So anyway, I finally got Cali tired so I could do my workout in and I was over doing squat thrusts. Well, if you know what a squat thrust is, it's a shortcut or a progression to the burpee, because burpees, man, when I jump down into the position of a push up and then spring back up to jump, that's a little bit of a dynamic move for the system or damage that I've done to my system. So I started off doing a squat thrust. Go down to basically a push up position with your arms extended, kick your legs back, come back up. So my wife walked over and I was just finishing up a set of squat thrusts going on to. I think I was doing a set of planks or something using. I was. I do core now I actually work my core and it's paid big dividends. So my wife's looking at me, I'm wearing a heart rate monitor, my heart's at about 136. I'm about to die and she wants to come over and have a conversation. I just got Cali tired and now my wife's gonna chew my ear off about some kind of bone.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Probably furniture.
Steve Austin
So yeah, I want to get to the furniture. So. But it wasn't. I don't know if me doing a squat thrust or a burpee or any of this. Oh, man, mountain climbers. I tell you what, I always thought for a while while I was in that box that I was in just being macho mode. Standard guy. Go to the gym, training the body parts. One body part a week, sets of 8 to 12, sets of 12 to 16 per body part. That's the way I trained. All of a sudden you start doing something different. And I was in really good shape as far as lifting weights is concerned. But all of a sudden you jump down and just try to Start doing sets of 10 burpees. Say you want to do five sets of 10 burpees with a minute rest. It will smoke your ass. I couldn't do it, so I jumped down and I did 10 squat thrusts. And then I was doing sets of 30 mountain climbers with a set of 30 opposite, knee to elbows, standing. That's when you came over, When I was doing that kind of system that a cycle that I had made. And I'm huffing and puffing and you know, when I. When I got on YouTube to kind of watch, you know, look at these guys and gals do some of the stuff. And I'm thinking to myself, mountain climbers. I remember those. Back when I was in junior high, you had to do mountain climbers in PE and they was easy. They ain't easy no more because I can get on an elliptical or I can get on my air bike, my assault air bike over there and pedal like a motherfucker. All of a sudden, you get down in a handstand position and start doing mountain climbers. It will blow your ass up and then go knee to elbow standing there. God damn, my core has gotten much better, but I look like an idiot.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, it's different type of conditioning, too, and it's good for your body to switch it up a little bit.
Steve Austin
Well, when are you going to switch it up a little bit? LA damn near shut down your Zumba class. You used to go to Zumba five days a week. And I was thinking, man, man, God damn. I guess my wife's having an affair. She's always gone, she always leaves in her Zumba attire and she comes back sweaty. Something's up. And then your Zumba got cut down to one night a week, and that sucks for you. It's good for me because I get dinner on time and you love to cook. I'm not trying to throw the sexist thing in there. You love to cook. So I'm eating all the time, but what are you going to do? Oh, you got to tell a magical story.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
I decided, well, why don't we start riding bikes again? Because we live in a beautiful place right on the beach, and there's a beautiful bike path. Let's start riding our bikes. We bought two bikes, I guess, 10 years ago. Spent way too much money on them, way too many bells and whistles. Pulled them out of the storage deal and they were spider webs, flat tires, corrosion. Corrosion. And I looked at your bike and you had so much stuff on it, like heart rate monitors, special tires, special brakes.
Steve Austin
GPS gimmick. I had to get this outfitted with all the things that you're, you know, stupid.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And it's a mountain bike, and we don't mountain bike the whole time.
Steve Austin
Man, when I used to ride that bike 10, 11 years ago, I don't know what the possessed me to get a mountain bike. I never been on a mountain bike in my life, much less rode a bike on a mountain, right? But I figured it looks cool, so it's gotta be cool. And you're down in this hunch down position, and it's uncomfortable as fuck, especially with my body, and I'm trying to pedal, and it ain't fun because you can't just stand. You just kind of sit up and ride with one arm, much less no hands.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
You have to be in an action pose as if you were riding on a mountain. And we don't do that. So needless to say, we decide we're going to take up biking again, because I only have Zumba one day a week, and we can bike down the path.
Steve Austin
And, you know, while I'm on that mountain bike, I mean, when in that aggressive position, that seat on that bike is about the size of an iPhone 6.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
No, it's the size of a banana.
Steve Austin
God damn. You talk about, if you ain't got hemorrhoids, it'll give you hemorrhoids. I won't even go into that because my wife sitting in front of me, but God damn it, I ain't got hemorrhoids. For the record. I'm just saying that seats a little
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
small and it's uncomfortable.
Steve Austin
It's uncomfortable. So my wife and I said, well, nonetheless, we'll take these damn things to the repair shop, which is only four blocks from our house. We roll those things in there and said, hey, man. Well, actually, Kristen's bike didn't need any work. It was mine. The brakes needs new brakes.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
It needs everything.
Steve Austin
Everything's fucked up because it's been sitting for 10 years. My wife said, go ahead.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
What did I say?
Steve Austin
Well, you know what? What about a new bike? Because you have to do all this work on mine just to get it up and running, right? And we're looking at these new cruiser bikes. Seven gears, upright position, tall handlebars, great handlebars. And she says, steve, why don't you consider trying one of these bikes? And I was like, you know me, Mr. You know, tightwad angle.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And Mr. Macho beach cruiser is not necessarily the most macho thing that you.
Steve Austin
Well, the first one you pointed at was kind of, like, my bike, but very simplified, but still kind of a mountain bike bike type thing. But I was sitting more upright, and I said, okay, let me take it around the block. I was like, man, this is amazing. And then.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Amazing.
Steve Austin
Yeah, it was amazing. It was surreal.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And so you only took, like, every bike in that shop for a spin around the block. Like, I don't think the guy thought you were coming back.
Steve Austin
God damn. I was going to get my money's worth.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Hey, that's how you got your cardio. And you did it for an hour.
Steve Austin
But the thing about it was, I was going to make sure that I rode those goddamn bikes long. Long enough. Because it's just like when I told my brother when they were buying their camper their RV. I said, man, you can drive that damn thing 20 miles, but until you go further than that, you don't really know anything about it. You got to spend some time in those things. So I was going to spend some time on a goddamn bicycle. I said, yes, I want it or no, I don't. And so I got off that kind of mountain bike like mine, but it was more comfortable. It was really, really nice. And Kristen and his guys start wheeling this beach cruiser over towards me.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yellow.
Steve Austin
No, this one was. That was yours. This one was grayish black, and the handlebars were, like, at your ears. Yeah, about five feet in the air, and it's got full fenders on the front and back. I mean, this almost looks like somebody 80 years old would ride it. Zero cool factor.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
I think it looks pretty cool.
Steve Austin
Well, anyway, the name for my bike is grandpa. So I get on grandpa, and I take it for a spin around the block, and I'm like, wow, this is different. I'm not in a death race position. I'm not over in a tour de France, I gotta go 45 miles an hour position. I'm actually sitting upright, vertical. And I was riding with one hand on the handlebar, thinking, look how easy this is. And I was like, it had the little gear changer on the right handlebar. It's got, like, six or seven gears. That's it. I was like, man, this is really, really cool. When I got back to the bike shop, I said, well, let me try the other one again. Went back to it, and I was like, you know what? I think I'll ride it. I think I'll get it.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, no, you went. I think you went three more rounds before you.
Steve Austin
I rode that motherfucker. I got about 30 miles on it. And I told the guy I Said I promise I'm coming back. And like when we were there was plenty of daylight when I came back. I mean it was damn near dark. But I was going to make sure that I like that fucking bike. And then they didn't have the one that you wanted.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well then I told I test drove several, but I opted for the one that you got but in the girl version. So that's supposed to be in either today or tomorrow. So I'm looking forward to that. And that's how we're going to get some more exercise in some more different type of cardio, I suppose beach cruising.
Steve Austin
Forward to it because we used to try to ride our mountain bikes and we would go because we live in a marina and there's this one route that you can take for miles and miles and not see anybody and get away from the cars. And I was thinking, that'll be fun. And when I was riding home though, Kristen and I went to the grocery store yesterday and got our groceries. I said, hey man, swing me by the bike shop, I'll pick up that bike. Because I needed to make some adjustments on the brakes and the gear. And I picked it up and Kristen went home and I got on my bicycle and I was riding home in a leisurely fashion, upright and vertical and I was like, God damn, this is comfortable. I got the seat adjusted for me and then cars started zooming by me and I'm thinking, God damn, here's gonna be a global icon and a national treasure going to get end up smoked on a bicycle trying to pick up a hobby that it can burn some calories, enjoy the outdoor lifestyle and get healthy. And all these idiots in Los Angeles and everywhere else across the United States of America texting on their iPhones, not paying attention. And I'm gonna get creamed into one of these cars parked on side of the road. That's what I was thinking.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, you can wear your motorcycle helmet when you drive it.
Steve Austin
I was thinking about it because I told Kristen, I said maybe you should get a helmet. Notice where I said that? I said maybe you should get a helmet. But what did you tell me? No, you're so hard headed.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
I did wear a helmet when I was snowboarding. I haven't snowboarded in a couple years. But I did wear a helmet then. But I've never ridden a bike with a helmet and I know you're supposed to. It's, you know, I don't want to jinx myself now either.
Steve Austin
But yeah, here's a story. When Kristen and I first met when we got those bicycles, we figured, or at least no, she already had these on. You had the clip on pedals?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yeah, the clip on pedals.
Steve Austin
Anybody that rides a bike that's real serious about riding fast uses the clip on pedals that clip to your shoes so you can pull up and push down and do all the shit. So of course me and Kristen had to have a clip on pedals. Hell, I got a mountain bike, you know, I'm full race mode. I got to get all the bells and whistles.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And we're not even on a mountain. But we were on a steep hill.
Steve Austin
Yeah, on a real steep hill. And for some reason we come down this big ass hill to the stop sign and Kristen just promptly just falls over on her left side.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
I couldn't get my clips off. I got stuck.
Steve Austin
Yeah. But all of a sudden she goes crashing down on her left shoulder and she's like, she's laying there, God bless her, and her feet are still clipped to the pedals. She's kind of like a torture turtle, except on her side she's. And I got. Damn you. Okay, okay. And she starts cussing me out. Why was it arbitrarily my fault that you fell down?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
It was just your fault. I had to blame somebody. It was your fault I fell. I was so mad.
Steve Austin
God damn. I went home, I was, I had like ptsd. I got a wrench.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
I was still stuck. I couldn't get my feet out of the pedals.
Steve Austin
I just picked her up and gave her a push and said, go, young woman, go. This was 10 years ago when you're a young woman. We went to the house. I was so traumatized. I couldn't ride a bike with my wife for a long time. And I got a wrench out and I took those clip pedals off my bike and I said, you know what, I'm just going to pedestrian this and just ride slow. But I was in such a hunched up position.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yeah, we still had a mountain bike
Steve Austin
and so that's why the bikes were in storage for 10 years. So now we got the mom and pop were the grandma grandpa cruisers. So if you see some big ass bald headed guy with a goatee wearing camo shorts and a black shirt, riding a big ass bike with front and rear fenders on it. Keep your ass away from it. I got a big reflector on the front and I got a big reflector on the back and I'm probably going to get a cube beam spotlight. You know, like when you ride at nighttime in la, it's law that you have to have a light or some type of system on there. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. You know what? I'm gonna call Shannon down at UVC Power Sports and get her to put me a light bar on my bike. I'm gonna redneck this somebody's two gills. If I get hit, it won't be because someone did not see me.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Maybe you can get a camo wrap on it.
Steve Austin
No. Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get that some rat wrapped in a high visibility orange.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Oh, there you go.
Steve Austin
And I'm going to get one of those vests and all the traffic workers where. And it's either going to be blaze orange or it's going to be bright yellow. So if you see me coming, get out of fucking way. It was cute though, Kristen, because one of the bikes that you was thinking about getting, it was. It wasn't ergonomically correct for you, but it had the basket on the front of basket.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yeah.
Steve Austin
And at first you were against the basket because I think you're trying to be, like, sort of cool. Yeah, yeah, cool. And then I. All of a sudden I saw some reasoning flash in your eyes, like you could put stuff in there.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
I really liked the basket. In fact, when I was younger, I used to have a basket to put my little dog in there. And I used to. She used to sit in the basket as I rode the bike down the beach. And it was great.
Steve Austin
All right, so then you start figuring, and I'm thinking ahead. I'm thinking six pack of beer, you got a bottle of water. I'm drinking a little bit more whiskey now. Bottle of whiskey, shot glass. You know, we got a mobile bar. Nothing. We were driving the other day and I saw this electric car. We see him all the time.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Electric bike, you mean?
Steve Austin
No, no, no, the electric car. Oh, the guys that drive people.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Steve Austin
Because the guy blew through the red light and he was texting.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
That's right. It's one of those, like, electric car shuttles. They're. They only. They're like beach shuttles. They only run certain months in the summer here. And so they cart people around that, you know, want a free ride.
Steve Austin
Well, my argument is, but the guy
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
was texting as he was crossing an intersection. It was just appalling to see.
Steve Austin
Yeah, but my whole thing is. Yeah, because, you know, I told Chris, I said, sure enough, you and me get in that motherfucker, we're gonna get T boned by a smart car. In an intersection, you know, I ain't going out that way. So if you can drive an electric golf cart, basically what it is is a golf cart on steroids with a stretch job to cart people around. I don't know why I can't drive my Kawasaki mules around the streets of Los Angeles.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
That's a good question.
Steve Austin
I got a light bar. All you gotta do is install some turn signals. I like to call them blinkers, so that way I can indicators everybody know if I'm taking a left or going right or putting my brakes on and ride around. It's probably got to be pretty damn fuel efficient.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
You'd probably be a very happy camper if you could ride your mule around la.
Steve Austin
You're right. You're exactly right. If I could just ride my mules around Los Angeles, I would be happy as a clam living in the city if I could do that. But I can't, and I don't know why they won't do that. I'm gonna have to call the dmv. Who's the head of the dmv? The police department. Dmv? Is that who I need to talk to?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
I think the dmv. Yeah.
Steve Austin
Well, I'm gonna call DMV because I've been meaning to go down there and get my license for my little scooter, which I never have in five years of ownership. That scooter has 300 miles on it.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And that's something interesting to see, too.
Steve Austin
Yeah, because I'm a little big for that scooter. Well, I've dropped a few pounds, so. But that's.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yeah, but you're still too big for the scooter.
Steve Austin
It's like Dusty Rhodes would say. Oh, it's like Steven Seagal said in a movie one time that I was working with him on Steve. It's like a monkey trying to fuck a foosball. I'm like, jeez, Clock in the New Orleans accent. And he's from Michigan. Now, my deal is, Kristen, if I could ride my mule around on the streets of Los Angeles, or I'd be okay with living in the city. And so I get so pent up. Yesterday I decided to go to Broken Skull Challenge Compound to charge up the batteries in my mules.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, you do need a break from the city.
Steve Austin
Oh, I had to get out of the city, man. It was just too much. I hit the wall. I said, I got to get out of here. I'm going to go out to the Broken Skull compound. There's a couple hundred acres I can ride around on. And I'm going to take my bow and a target and shoot some and just relax. So, sure enough, I cooked my chicken on my Traeger grill. I got my protein shakes, had plenty of water.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
You had your brown rice?
Steve Austin
Had my brown rice. My first day back on carbs and feeling a little bit of energy. I get some glycogen back in my muscles. Jesus Christ. My damn veins started popping out. Finally again, it was nice. And went out to the compound. Had a good time. I shot my bow. I was pretty accurate the first time I've shot that thing since I had shoulder surgery. I was able to pull it back. I got on track. There's another show shooting down. There's a YouTube show being shot down there. So I didn't have access to the Skullbuster alley or most of the compound. So I just went up on the landing strip where we do a lot of our challenges, put up my target and start shooting my bow. Rode around a little bit. And then I decided, okay, man, I better start up my other mules and check the batteries on those. And I did. And I got everything loaded back up in my. I was heading back to Los Angeles and there was two fucking cars. I was just cruising along trying. I had decompressed.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Kristen, I doubt you were cruising.
Steve Austin
Well, I mean, I was cruising along about 85.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Okay.
Steve Austin
There was a lot of highway patrols out yesterday. They were everywhere, on motorcycles and on cars and in SUVs. They had a lot of people pulled over. I was driving pretty reasonably. I was coming home and I'd relaxed. I was in a pretty good space and I'd kind of cleared my head and I was ready to return back here to 316 Gimmick street and all of a sudden, this motherfucker in IKEA Optima, I'm driving in a left hand lane and this guy in IKEA Optima is in the right hand lane and there's two more lanes to his right. I'm going at a pretty good rate of speed. All of a sudden he just cuts in front of me. And he's driving 65 miles an hour. And the traffic started getting a little congested there. And this motherfucker had that 400 yard gap in between him and the next car, which is where I would have been had he not unceremoniously just cut me off without using his blinker. And I'm following this motherfucker. The HOV lane is to my left. You know, I wasn't gonna jump over there and make a illegal Pass. I had all my weights and shit in the back of the vehicle. So I just waited it out, waited it out. And I'm thinking, I can see this stupid motherfucker in front of me. You know, you just see him, it's like this guy ain't thinking very far in front of him. And he just needed to ride in the left hand lane because they're too lazy and they just want to just ride that lane. And so finally there's an opening on the right hand side and I gassed it. And that motherfucking Yukon kicked into about fourth gear. And I passed his ass and immediately put my left hand blinker on and cut his ass off. And I was happy there for a while. I was riding right along. And then all of a sudden I get over here on Washington was kind of like the home stretch over here to Gimmick Street. And I'll be God damn if this son of a bitch in a Mitsubishi. I got to get this right. Diamante. Do you remember the Mitsubishi Diamante? With all due respect, one of the greatest shit box ever put on four wheels. The Diamante. What a name. Mitsubishi. We got a good idea for a great car. What are we gonna call it? The Diamante. Bingo. Build it. This motherfucker cuts me off and I'm just trying to get home to my baby girl and just go pick up my bicycle. I know we gotta go get groceries and say hello to Moolin Cali. And this motherfucker in a damn Mitsubishi Diamante is all over the place. This motherfucker's going in the left hand turn lane, he's jerking back over.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
It was one of those drinking and driving.
Steve Austin
No, I finally was able to get in the right hand lane.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And it's like you're so eager to see what the heck they're doing too, you know.
Steve Austin
Well, I figured what they were doing and it was. It was an interesting situation. And this person had a big old smile on her face. And when I passed, it was. It was a female. When I passed her, she had her iPhone in her left hand and she was looking down at her phone and texting and then grabbing the steering wheel. That's what the fuck she was doing. She had her head up her ass, but she figured she got to get in front of me. And then I can see through that rearview mirror and she had that damn shitty tent job on the back of her, you know, window, but I could almost see what the fuck she's doing. I looked at her because, you know, like Anytime someone's in front of you, just gotta look over and see who and what the fuck is driving this vehicle and why. So you do.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
It's so true.
Steve Austin
It's like I do. I just want to see what this looks like so I could process it and come to grips with it. If not, I'll just go home, start eating Xanax. Why are you eating the Xanax? I couldn't see that cut me off. I didn't eat the Xanax. This way I could go home and get straight on the whiskey.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
There is something very satisfying about seeing who's in front of you when they piss you off.
Steve Austin
I don't know why it is. Because there was one dude driving a cargo truck. I did, I left him.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
It puts an exclamation point on your inclination that this person's an idiot.
Steve Austin
Yeah, I just wanted to see, like Foxworthy said, here's your sign. This one motherfucker cut me off. He was driving a cargo truck. I mean, he just. Because he got over because he was in HOV lane and the highway patrol cop was over on the shoulder road. I was coming up in the left hand lane. He just shot over once you pass the cop because he didn't want to get pulled over. That's a stiff fine. And then he got over to the right and that cleared the lane for me. And he cut off somebody else when he was going to the right. And on this I could see him in the rear view mirror as well. And I was like, I could shoot him the right hand stare and just kind of give him that steely drive by like, you dumb motherfucker. But I said, you know what? I ain't even going to give him the satisfaction of getting put over for cutting me off. So I kayfabed his ass and just kept driving. And I'd like, I was curious. I wanted to shoot him at. You're not road raging. You just want to kind of shoot him at incredulous. Really dude Kind of look. But I wouldn't even give him the satisfaction of that.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yeah, I've had those moments too.
Steve Austin
Yes. I said, dude, fuck you. You know, I'm just going to drive by like you didn't matter. And he didn't. Anyway, I came.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
The psychology of driving in la.
Steve Austin
Well, God damn, it's a coping mechanism because you gotta have something up your sleeve to be able to cope with all the living out here. I love the weather, but God damn. And there's some great in Los Angeles, don't get me wrong. But there's a bunch of stupid ones too. Hey. Goddamn. Let's take a pause for the calls from sponsors. Keep a show on here for free. I got a couple of bullshit stories I'm gonna tell you. I'm coming right back with my wife Kristen after this.
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Steve Austin
This this is Steve Austin. All right everybody. Welcome back to Steve Austin Show. I'm sitting here with my wife at 317 Gimmick street when we took a break, Moolah came over along with Cali and they started wrestling on this brand new big ass couch which I'm about to get. In the middle of this story on. I braved all the Los Angeles traffic. Got a chance to go out there and clear my cobwebs out of my brain at the broker Skull challenge compound by shooting my bow and driving my mule around fighting that fucking traffic. For anybody that owns one of the finest cars on the streets of anywhere, the Mitsubishi Diamante. I did not mean to offend you. If you own one of those things, I would love to have one. Take it to west coast customs and get them to put a truck 12 inch lift on it, make it four wheel drive and maybe slap in a Ford Coyote motor. Boy, what a swap that would be. And to the Kia Optima owners, I didn't say shit about the Kia Optima. It was that motherfucker driving that son bitch that pissed me off. The Kia Optima. God knows I would love to have one of those almost as much as I'd like to have one of those McLarens that that dude brought over the other day. Oh yeah, that was pretty cool, man. That was pretty cool, wasn't it?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
It was really cool. And I'm not even a car person, but that thing was pretty cool.
Steve Austin
God dang. I got a buddy of mine on Twitter, he's Motorator and Instagram M o T O R A T O r. And this guy does a podcast, the Car Cast with Adam Carolla. And that's what they do, they review and drive race cars, high end cars, sports cars. And he told me a couple of days ago that he had in this McLaren 720s and hey, man, if you want, I'll bring it by, let you check it out. Well, I was going to, you know, he was going to bring it by. We were set up to talk on what, Saturday or Sunday, and my wife, she had a goddamn root canal. When did you have your root canal?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Friday. Friday I had a horrible toothache and I called the dentist, I said, can you please get me in? And fortunately they got me in within, you know, four hours. And of course they had to do a root canal. The last thing you want to do on Friday afternoon at 4 o'. Clock. But I was looking forward to it.
Steve Austin
When my wife says, I have got to get this tooth looked at. And she had that thousand yard stare. I was like, we gotta get it, we gotta get it. I get. I called out the dentist, do whatever you want, I'll drive you. I told you I'd drive. You didn't want to?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
No, there's no reason for you to drive me.
Steve Austin
You're tough as nails. You're so hardcore. That's why I love you. My wife's a goddamn tough and her tooth was hurting her so much, she goes, I'm driving myself to the dentist. I said, yes, you are.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, I wanted you to watch Kids Callie, because she just got fixed and we can't leave her unattended because she ate her. It's like an inner tube you put around their neck, their donut, whatever.
Steve Austin
You know, a lot of times when you get surgery on your dog, they put that plastic cone on. Well, instead of using those plastic cones because Callie is such a wild dog. I mean, she would. She would literally go ballistic and tear the house up. She'd probably hurt herself. So we get one of those inflatable gimmicks you put around a dog's head. And so Kristin put the inflatable gimmick around her head. And I was over here in the backyard at 317 lifting weights. And here comes Callie plowing over. She got this inner tube wrapped around her fucking head. I'm thinking, I guess Kristen's giving it that test drive to. When we get them. By herself, she can't take it off, right? Well, there's a canopy over my weightlifting station back here at the gym. And she promptly wedged her head in there between that and the fence and pulled that motherfucker off. And then once she did that, she commenced to taking out that nipple and chewed it off. So you can't, you know, cap it and keep the air in it. So she took it off and destroyed it in about 30 seconds. So we figured that wasn't going to be the ticket. So, anyway, I got. Motorraiter wants to come by, show me the McLaren 720s, possibly let me even drive it. And I got to watch the dogs because Kristen's got to go check on her mom out in Thousand Oaks because Callie, we can't let her eat her stitches out of her abdomen from getting fixed.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Plus, we have to keep some. We have to supervise her. You just can't leave a dog unsupervised when they've got stitches.
Steve Austin
Absolutely. But, you know, when you're a global icon and a national treasure? The toughest SOB to ever step foot in a ring in the wwf. And I got a call. Motorator. Oh, I sent him a text message. Hey, dude, I got to Cancel the Badass $300,000 McLaren and babysit my dog because my wife got an emergency root canal, and now she's got to go check on her mama.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And then you were stuck here for three days. No wonder you were going out of your mind.
Steve Austin
God damn. I'm just too macho to be sitting in a fucking house in Los Angeles
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
watching your little dog.
Steve Austin
So, anyway, while I was doing that, where was I when you were configuring the couch? I want to talk because I want to talk about it. I have to talk about the couch. Let me put it like this. I have to talk about the couches so I can get it off my mind and move forward in my life. What the fuck happened?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, you were talking about the car. Then you went to the sofa.
Steve Austin
But anyway, well, I mean, the car was cool.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Okay.
Steve Austin
The car was cool. And he ended up coming by the other day and everybody saw the picture on my Instagram account. Steve Austin, BSR. Thank you, motorator. The McLaren is an awesome car. Getting in and out of that motherfucker was interesting. I needed a shoehorn and some Vaseline, but it worked. And Motorator Matt let me take the car, you know, in about a five mile drive. And because it was dark, I didn't have my license on me. I didn't want to get pulled over, didn't want to get a ticket. That car is amazing. Seven hundred and some odd horsepower. The car weighs about 3,100 pounds. I just blipped the throttle a few times. I wasn't going to do anything stupid. I believe it's an all wheel drive car. God damn. It was.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
No, I think he said it was rear wheel.
Steve Austin
Oh, you're right. You're correct. You're correct, Kristen. It's a rear wheel drive car.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And I don't know why I would remember them because I don't know anything about car.
Steve Austin
Oh, man. But Matt's such a knowledgeable guy about cars, he was telling me all the information. You're correct. It's a real wheel drive car, but it just has super traction. But I wasn't going to just hit the throttle and get squirrel in that motherfucker and end up crashing it. And that's what I don't need, a $300,000 nightmare on my hands. But man, it was cool as shit. So anyway, enough about the car. Your thing to do was you came
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
home yesterday and I told you I was adding to our furniture collection by buying an ottoman and maybe changing out into the sofa for a chaise lounge. Because I thought you like to get your feet put up and might be nice for you to watch football.
Steve Austin
Yeah. Here's the real deal. We got this fucking couch, and it was all fine and dandy. And we got these little boxes to put our feet on for ottomans. And Kristin says, you know what? I'd really like a Chase Lounge. Because if you have the chaise lounge over here on your end, it closes off the living room space. Right. And it's like.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
It looks cozier.
Steve Austin
Yeah. It closes it up.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yeah.
Steve Austin
And gives you that atmosphere. So I'm like, hey, man, cool, go ahead and do it. And then. So she gets the Chase Lounge and she gets the ottoman. So what happened?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
So I bought the new pieces of furniture to complete our set. I got the Chase Lounge, got the ottoman they hooked it all together, but then I had extra pieces. So I thought, well, now that I took out the armless love seat, I have to have another chaise lounge or an end for it because it can't just sit without arms. So I went and purchased some additional pieces to complete the set. So I figured we could put it at 317 Gimmick street for your podcast studio.
Steve Austin
I'm over here. I'm walking back and forth with a tape measure from 317 to 360, from 316 to 317. Measuring on the floor 104 inches, 130 inches. This, this way, that way. And I'm trying to do. What am I? I was trying to do a podcast.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
You were.
Steve Austin
And I told. I said, listen. I said, this is the last trip because I just put on a brand new pair of tennis shoes and I'd almost wore those out. And you're like, every time you get a tape measure and you pull that some out, I thought I was gonna wear the damn numbers off the tape. And so I'm spitting out all these numbers to Kristen. She's at the furniture store with the gimmick person trying to get the correct configuration. So she orders.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Because it's a sectional.
Steve Austin
Yeah, sectional.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And they come in pieces.
Steve Austin
Yeah. So you can, you know, put them on the little hinge, put them off, you know, and it looks like one continuous unit. But God damn, Kristen, what happened?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, I guess I bought too many pieces. And I didn't consider that a chaise lounge on a sofa wouldn't really be feasible for a podcast studio because who's going to sit on the chase part and who's going to sit on the regular sofa part? So I messed that up.
Steve Austin
No, no, it wasn't that. But it's just like, there are so many pieces.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, then we had extra pieces. And I'm like, well, if I just have an armless chair, it's okay to just maybe give that to the Salvation army or something.
Steve Austin
It was like Transformers. I mean, God damn, I come home and there's these pieces of fucking couch and arm. Armless chairs. There's a fucking chase here in ottoman. The ottoman, once you put the chase lounge in was. It was. It was fucked up. It was claustrophobic.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, you couldn't even get on the couch because the ottoman's so large that you can't. You have to jump on the ottoman and do it like a tuck and roll to get onto the couch.
Steve Austin
I told Kristen, I said, fuck. I said, I'll take that ottoman put over at 317. I'll just make it to a podcast ottoman. Hey man, put a pull up a camp stool and come over to the ottoman. We'll talk. This motherfucker deserves its own zip code.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
It is a big ottoman.
Steve Austin
So anyway, so now we have too
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
much furniture and I decide you're going to have a green room at your podcast studio.
Steve Austin
So I'm going to have a. I'm an antisocial podcast host who's going to have a green room with a big ass couch and a chase lounge for people that I don't have over.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, I don't want to waste the furniture and you can't return it. There is no return policy.
Steve Austin
Called furniture company and said, well what's a return policy? Click they dial. Toned our ass.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well prior to that I couldn't get the pieces of furniture over to 317 Gimmick street because the delivery guys promptly said this is the address it says to deliver it to. We can't deliver it to the address next door because it's against our policy. So I called you. Well you're out there shooting your bow. I said well in a sad voice, they're not going to move our furniture next door and I can't do it by myself.
Steve Austin
You sounded so pathetic I didn't skip a beat. Offer him a hundred spot.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
I said would you be willing to take a hundred dollars for it? He said sure. And I said mum's the word. And he looked at me in this perplexed way like what's mum's the word?
Steve Austin
It means kayfabe motherfucker. Take the goddamn couch into pieces over to 317. If you don't say nothing, we ain't going to say nothing. That's what mum's the word means. What happens at 3:17 stays at 3:17.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Needless to say, we have very large sofa over here at 317G for your potential guests.
Steve Austin
I'm thinking to myself, I'm at the broken skull challenge compound riding my mule, shooting my bow. I'm going to cruise on back and just get more relax in. And now after I get all relaxed I'm gonna have to go break my back picking up some heavy ass furniture and I'm gonna be doing 2/3 of the work instead of a half because I gotta pick up that other third for you. And of course you got that Naruto canal going for you. I want you to bend over and get a shot of pain jolting up your jaw. So I'm Thinking now. Great. Now I gotta move all these shit next door. So. Yeah, I'm glad those people moved it over.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yeah, very nice. But they're very, very, very nice.
Steve Austin
Very nice. $100. I'd have been doing that but it was funny because. Yeah. Mum's word.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
We ain't saying it's a podcast, but everybody knows.
Steve Austin
But nobody knows the parties involved. I'm not saying nothing.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
This is true.
Steve Austin
I'm not saying a goddamn thing. God damn, though. On a serious note, I talked to Ted Fowler three six one yesterday. Goddamn. They're busy over there. Still cleaning up over in Rockport from Hurricane Harvey. I talked to a buddy of mine over in Houston and they're still trying to dry out over in the Houston area. And then you look at the damn TV and all the stuff going on from Irma. And then the other day, more hurricanes
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
coming in, like two or three of
Steve Austin
them out there brewing and they're heading this way. One of them just wanted to smoke. Puerto Rico. Yeah, Puerto Rico just got hit. All of those regions that I just mentioned trying to recover.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
In addition to the earthquakes.
Steve Austin
Yeah. The earthquake in Mexico.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yep.
Steve Austin
And where was it?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
We just had one in Japan.
Steve Austin
Japan.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And then we had a very minor.
Steve Austin
I know, but that's my point. I'm waiting for the big earthquake here. And you've been in every one that's happened so far and that big one you said was super scary.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yes.
Steve Austin
So that's what I'm sitting there thinking. Like I feel so bad for the people down in Texas and Florida and all the places that were impacted by those hurricanes and then that small. And earthquakes over here and those other regions. But I'm just waiting for wherever you live there. There's always going to be a trade off to geographically wherever you live. I don't think anybody's impervious to anything because they're, you know, in Dallas, Fort Worth, Missouri, I mean some of those areas there that were Tornado Alley, they get that. But we got our quakes.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yes.
Steve Austin
And the other night, whether it was 11:30 at night or 5:30 in the
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
morning, I don't remember it was 11:30 at night.
Steve Austin
I just remember all of a sudden because I. You were kind of sleepy.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yeah.
Steve Austin
And all of a sudden that quake hit and I'm starting to shake around a little bit. And you know, and I hadn't been drinking because of no mean program. And I'm pretty sensitive to when the earth starts moving. I don't like earthquakes. They scare the fuck out of me. Hurricanes, tornadoes do too yeah, I'm kind of used to that because that was in my neck of the woods. These earthquakes scared the fuck out of me. I'm just waiting to see, man. Because they're predicting that big motherfucker come out here one of these days. And I'll never forget when we lived in Malibu. I probably talked about this on a podcast before. That house was right on the San Andreas fault.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
No, it wasn't the same. It was a different fault. It was a minor fault.
Steve Austin
Okay? It wasn't my fault. No Rock made a movie about the San Andreas. I'm living on the. Okay, I wasn't living on San Andreas fault, but I was living on a fault line. And it was kind of like after we signed the paperwork, I kind of read about it.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, we had a geologist out there to do a survey and that's what. What he discovered so that
Steve Austin
I ain't never buy the house on the vault line again.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
But anyway, we're in LA and we do need to be prepared. And I've been talking to you about getting a generator for at least five months.
Steve Austin
And I want to buy a generator because we need to. And I was over here putting up all my barbells and stuff because when I finished filming Broken Skull challenge, I had my Olympic bar, some plates, my dumbbells out there. And so when I went out to rock ride the mules and shoot the bow, I loaded all that shit up. It had been in my storage container out there. And I backed up to the garage over here, opened up the garage, and I was like, there's a piano. There's a refrigerator from the 1930s that I collected when I was antique shopping in Georgia 25 years ago. There's my power rack.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
There's that big mirror. There's signs. It's a motorcycle garage, and there's a lot of stuff in it.
Steve Austin
A motorcycle garage?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, it's big for. It's not. You can't even get a car in that garage.
Steve Austin
Oh, yeah, yeah. It's not even a one car garage, right? Yeah. But my point is we got to clear some space out of that damn garage to put the generator in there. Because we're looking at buying what I guess a 4500 to 6500 watt generator.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
No, 4000 to 5000.
Steve Austin
Four to 5000, whatever. So we need a place to put the motherfucker. We got to get some. What are you going to do with that piano? You don't play it anymore.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
I have to do something with it, just as you have to do Something with those lollipop scales.
Steve Austin
Oh, man, I got some lollipop scales that I bought from Joe gold. One is a Toledo. One of them is a Watkins. One of them used to be on the Santa Monica pier. I might ebay or craigslist. Those motherfuckers, they need a little bit of work. They're not in working condition, but they're in really good shape. And I've owned those things for about 12 or 14 years. I bought them from Joe gold at the world gym before he passed away. But I need to get rid of them. I don't know what they're worth.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
We need to get rid of them.
Steve Austin
If you want them, send me an email to questionsteveaustingshield.com because I've had those motherfuckers in California, Texas, Malibu. Yeah, but the one time when I bought them from Joe gold, my Chevy pickup, my same pickup out there, I wasn't going to put Dan back there with those scales. And a lollipop scale is back in the 30s. You stand on the platform, either put in a penny or a nickel, and it would tell you how much you weigh and maybe tell you your fortune. And I figured, okay, we need to move these things, put them in storage. And I'm not going to put my buddy Dan in the back of the pickup truck. I'll let him drive. And I'll be back there, Mr. Macho in Los Angeles. In Los Angeles. Angelys. Too stupid to tie them down. Just too stupid. And I'm in the back with these two lollipop scales. And when you say lollipop, it's because the heads are real big and it goes down to a stem. And then the base that you stand on so they're top heavy like a. My buddy's making these corners, and he's taking off and he's hitting the brakes. A piece of white trash trying to hold these two scales standing in the back. Yeah, it was ridiculous. Almost lost my life. I should have been wearing a helmet. Yeah, it was ridiculous. You know, when my. When my buddy got to the storage unit, I damn near punched him in the mouth. Like, dude, when you hear me back there yelling and selling, telling you to slow the down, slow the down. So I'm tired of the scales. And when we bought the ranch, we shipped the scales on a truck all the way down to the broken skull ranch. And when we sold a ranch, they weren't going to convey because I'm such a tight watch. So we shipped the cocksuckers back, and now they're in my garage, and now they're in the way. I got a gut full of them. I'm tired of them, and they got to go. So if you want a lollipop scale, send me a motherfucking email. Questionsteveaustedshow.com and there's a bunch of other shit we need to get rid of. And if we find broken Skull Ranch 2.0 in Nevada, we're only looking for about 10 to 50 acres. It'll be a small Broken skull ranch.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Ranch,
Steve Austin
correct. When we find the Broken Skull Ranch yet in Nevada, I'll have that power rack. And you know what?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
You have three power racks, I think.
Steve Austin
No, I got two. The one's back here over there, and this one's in this garage, so that's what I got.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
You have a lot of exercise.
Steve Austin
I don't need any more weights. I don't want any more weights. I'm weighted out and I'm doing all this body weight stuff anyway. But that's where all that stuff will go. We just got to find that place.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And we're looking, but we need to make room for a generator.
Steve Austin
Yeah, and now we got to find out what kind of generator we want to buy. I was on Consumer Reports the other day looking at Generacs, Hondas, Briggs and Stratton's, all the different brands. But we got to have a generator because I was talking to some of my peeps down in Florida, tried to ride a storm out in Orlando, and they did, and they were okay, but they were without power for about a week. Teddy went for two weeks and he was able to rustle up two generators. But if there is a quake over here, we've got to be ready. So I guess if there's a moral to this segment or whatever of the podcast man, you got to be ready. I won't be a doomsday prepper. The shit. It's a fan. I got all my supplies. As far as my hunting supplies, let's leave it like that. I got hunting supplies, but we need electricity. We need water. We need some canned goods, batteries, extra medication.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
There's a whole list of things you can look on the.
Steve Austin
Yeah, and that being said, I mean, when you say medication, you might as well stock up on the whiskey too. I mean, if we just get a little bitty gimmick generator and a bunch of whiskey and a bunch of sake, we might be able to ride it out.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
We need ice cubes.
Steve Austin
Oh, God dang. I forgot to mention that speaking of
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Blanton's, which is A whiskey.
Steve Austin
It's my favorite whiskey that I like to drink. We went to the liquor store the other day, and I told you guys I was going to do a podcast about my keto diet. And I only drink a little bit of whiskey one time a week because I was still on my program. As I told you on the Tuesday podcast, I just started introducing carbs. So still just the shots of whiskey one night a week. And so I'd run out, and Kristen and I were on our way to the restaurant for my cheat meal, which was a cheeseburger. And I said, man, I ain't got no whiskey to drink afterwards. She said, well, let's go by the liquor store now so we don't have to go later. And as she's walking in my baby girl, I said, if they got any Blanton's, buy it.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And it's hard to get Blanton's.
Steve Austin
It's hard to find Blanton's. And I'll be God damned if here comes my wife walking with a bag in her hand. What did you get, two bottles?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
No, I got one.
Steve Austin
Got one bottle. And she got in the car, she put the bottle on the back. We were heading over to the place.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well. And you got all excited.
Steve Austin
Yeah, I was excited.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
You saw that was Blanton's instead of your regular stuff.
Steve Austin
Well, the stuff I was drinking, the eagle rare, comes in a tall bottle. That Blanton comes in a short bottle in that box. So I recognized that box. I was like, oh, man, they had Blanton's. That's awesome.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
I said, yeah, they had a whole case of it. You said, a whole case? We're going back. You just circled the block. I ran back in. I said, I'll take the whole thing.
Steve Austin
No, you said, because a lot of times you can only get one bottle.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Yeah.
Steve Austin
You know, per customer. And you said, hey, can you get just one bottle or can I get a whole case? And what'd she say?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
She said, I'll take it as it goes. I want to sell the product.
Steve Austin
So I want to say that. And so anyway, I got a.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, we didn't get a case of Blanton's because I said, I'll take the whole case. And she said, well, we only have two left.
Steve Austin
No, but she's going to box it up. She had to go.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
She couldn't find it upstairs.
Steve Austin
And so I made an investment. Yes, it's an investment.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And we're giving them out as gifts, too.
Steve Austin
No, we're not. I thought that sounded good. When I told you that it's an investment. But look at this way, Kristin. When we're prepping for the earthquake that's probably going to hit one of these days we're going to cross off whiskey.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
That is true. I think Ted stocked up on whiskey too before the hurricane.
Steve Austin
Oh yeah, he went to Jack Daniels route. And so whatever floats you your boat, but you got to be ready. And we're ready. But I'm gonna go to Home Depot as soon as I finish this podcast and I'm gonna go look at the goodness. But I gotta do some more research first.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Well, first you have to put this couch back together and start the green room.
Steve Austin
You know what? I'm gonna have to get one in this house right here. There's no air conditioning.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Oh, that's another thing you need at Home Depot.
Steve Austin
So I'm gonna get me one of those single, one of those little stand up air conditioners that I can hook to the generator for the power goes out and I'm going to be over here drinking whiskey from my ice maker just because I'm stressed out from having to do so much shit because I have such a demanding wife. Our schedule is quite hectic. I got a chance to talk to nature boy Ric Flair this morning. I saw on people.com they did a real nice interview down there in Atlanta with nature boy Ric Flair and his fiance Wendy. And man, you know, Rick's looking a lot better and interviewed his fiance Wendy and she was doing great and turns out Hulk Hogan had stopped by and visited him and it was great to see. You know, Rick still got a long ways to go, but man, if you get a chance to pick up People magazine or get on people.com, there's that story or that video package of, I
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
think it was called People tv.
Steve Austin
People tv, whatever it is, it's just awesome. He's not out of the woods yet, as they say in the video, but it was just a really nice presentation. I thought they did a really nice job and it's great to see that Ric Flair continues to improve. And I'll tell you what, it's an emotional piece. It kind of bring a tear to your eyes. So hope it Rick that you're feeling better and continue to recover down there in Atlanta. And to Wendy for being so strong and being by your side. It was an awesome story. Kristen, I think it is time to ride off into the sunset. What's the rest of your day looking like? I was forced to take yesterday off. It was after I went to Brokers Gold Challenge compound and got smoked by all those fucking people. Had to do a bunch of shit once I got home. Now I got to put this furniture together. I am going to work out today.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
I'm going to go buy some more furniture for your green room.
Steve Austin
This little bitty tiny ass house. The goddamn. I told Kristen when I got home, I saw that transformer couch she bought and she said, what are you going to do? And we just got finished remodeling our house. I said, call Randy. We're going to kick out this wall 10ft. We've got to add on to our house to fit the fucking couch in. Whether it's cheaper to return the couch or kick the wall out 10ft, I don't give a fuck. But we gotta do it.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
We love our couch.
Steve Austin
The thing about it was coming over here to this clusterfuck and trying to make chicken salad out of chicken shit. And return policy, click. You talk about getting. You talk about getting your eyes raked. We got a work cut out for us, but we will overcome this. I don't want to say era this. What would you call this? Clusterfuck?
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
I was gonna say a minor mistake.
Steve Austin
Not a minor mistake. If you ever come over to 317
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
Gimmick street, you'll have a place to sit.
Steve Austin
I'm gonna have the God damnedest green room you ever saw with seats galore. I'm gonna put down a big ass carpet. I'm gonna put a big screen on the wall in the closet in there. I'm gonna put a foam enclosure. My buddy Brian Bentley gave me the idea to do my voiceovers for Broken Skull challenge. This is going to be the God damnedest studio you ever saw.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
And the funny thing is going to be in one bedroom of a thousand square foot house.
Steve Austin
The story of a global icon and a national treasure. No. The saga continues. Kristen, it's lunchtime. Let's go get some sushi.
Kristen (Steve Austin's wife)
All right.
Steve Austin
All right, everybody, give me the go home. Q. It's time to wrap up this podcast and ride off in the sunset. But before I do, I want to thank my illustrious wife Kristen for joining me on today's show. Hey, I'm going to give you guys something to watch. As I mentioned in the podcast on people.com, people TV, whatever it is, there's a great story that they did on Ric Flair and Wendy, his fiance down there in Atlanta, through the troubles, the health problems, the comeback that he's been through that he's making. And that's what I recommend for you to watch. If you can head over to that website and check that out. Nature Boy still ain't out of the woods yet, just like Wendy said. I'll tell you what, that's a real powerful video. I consider Ric Flair to be the greatest professional wrestler of all time. So check it out if you get a chance and see what's going on with the Nature Boy. Well, I tell you what, I hope you guys have your DVR set to cmt because the season premiere is coming up real soon. It's going to be on Tuesday, September 26th at 10, 9 Central, only on CMT. And this is season five. We'll see if we get season six, but let's just say this is season five. And if it's the last season we ever get, this is the damnedest season I've ever filmed. The challenges are off the chart. The athletes are off the chart. Both the men and the women came out there and just gave it hell. I'm proud of them. I'm proud of the show. Highly recommend that you watch this. Don't just watch the season premiere. Just set your DVR to record the whole series because that's where you get the highs and lows, the ups and downs, the triumphs and tragedies and just people coming out there and giving everything they got. Had a lot of fun being attached to it. Had fun out there at the compound yesterday shooting my bows. So tune in, set your DVRs for September 26th. That's a Tuesday, 10, 9 Central only on CMT. Hey, man, I got a damn IPA. It's a great beer. It's called Broken Skull IPA. It's from El Segundo Brewing Company and you can find it all over California at Whole Foods and Total Wines. And if they don't have it in one, ask the manager why the fuck they don't have it. If you ain't in cali, check out insidethecellar.com and see if they ship to your state. And if you're looking to get a damn knife, I highly recommend everybody have one great place to go. A great place to get one. The cold steel broken Skull knife or my new working man knife you can get at my new Amazon store. Amazon has the best price on both knives. Just go to Amazon.com shop steveaustin and I gotta say one more thank you to all the fine sponsors of the Steve Austin show. That's how I'm able to do this podcast for you twice a week for free. And you can find all my sponsors@podcast1.com just click on the killer Deals button at the top of the page and then click on the Steve Austin show banner. And speaking of Podcast 1, the new Podcast 1 app is now available for download at the App Store or Google Play. There ain't another podcast app like this one anywhere. And that's because the new Podcast one app is loaded with some cool features that let you do a lot more than just listen to your favorite shows. You can access behind the scenes photos, articles and connect with other fans of the shows you like. And you can watch over a thousand 360 virtual reality videos. You can actually watch some of your favorite shows in virtual reality. It's like you're sitting right in a room with them. So get to the App Store or Google Play and download the new Podcast one app. Now folks, if you want to follow me on social media, I am on Twitter and Instagram eveaustinbsr. Folks, until next time, my name is Steve Austin and I will catch your ass down the road.
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Steve Austin
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Date: June 4, 2026
Host: Steve Austin
Guest: Kristen (Steve's wife)
Recorded at: 317 Gimmick Street, Los Angeles, CA
This lively episode of The Steve Austin Show features WWE Hall of Famer Steve Austin and his wife Kristen as they swap stories about tackling day-to-day life in Los Angeles, their efforts to stay active, and the challenges of home improvement and preparation for natural disasters. The episode is filled with Austin’s trademark humor, colorful language, and candid reflections. Main themes include adjusting to new exercise routines, adventures in bike shopping and riding, the ongoing saga of rearranging their home, prepping for earthquakes, and tributes to wrestling legends.
Timestamp: 03:00 – 09:00
Notable Quote:
"Bobby Heenan, you provided me a shit pile of entertainment. I couldn't give a shout out to you to do you any justice if I wasn't able to cuss. So today is my day to recognize Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan, one of the funniest somebitches and heat-getting somebitches to ever get in the business of pro wrestling." – Steve Austin (08:15)
Timestamp: 11:40 – 15:30
Notable Quotes:
"It's like walking a damn silver school bus. She's that fucking big. Like, dude, why's that guy got that bus on a leash? That ain't a bus. That's my silver lab." – Steve Austin (13:14)
"I'm about to put her little canine ass on a keto diet and see how it works for her. I slimmed up on it." – Steve Austin (14:53)
Timestamp: 15:30 – 19:00
Notable Quotes:
"No, motherfucker, I can't do it. You didn't live 14 years on the fucking road getting the shit beat out of you with steel chairs... Don't tell me what I can do. I know what the fuck I can do." – Steve Austin (17:12)
"Mountain climbers... they ain't easy no more because I can get on an elliptical or I can get on my air bike, my assault air bike over there and pedal like a motherfucker. All of a sudden you get down in a handstand position and start doing mountain climbers. It will blow your ass up..." – Steve Austin (21:40)
Timestamp: 22:50 – 24:50
Notable Quotes:
"I decided, well, why don't we start riding bikes again? Because we live in a beautiful place right on the beach, and there's a beautiful bike path." – Kristen (23:24)
Timestamp: 24:10 – 28:46
Notable Quotes:
"The name for my bike is grandpa. So I get on grandpa... I'm not in a death race position... It was amazing." – Steve Austin (27:16)
"If you ain't got hemorrhoids, it'll give you hemorrhoids. I won't even go into that because my wife sitting in front of me, but God damn it, I ain't got hemorrhoids. For the record." – Steve Austin (24:59)
Timestamp: 29:00 – 32:26
Notable Quotes:
"Here’s gonna be a global icon and a national treasure end up smoked on a bicycle trying to pick up a hobby..." – Steve Austin (29:03)
"I couldn't get my clips off. I got stuck." – Kristen (31:23)
Timestamp: 36:06 – 43:35
Notable Quotes:
"You just see him, it's like this guy ain't thinking very far in front of him ... I gassed it, and that motherfucking Yukon kicked into about fourth gear and I passed his ass..." – Steve Austin (38:11)
"There is something very satisfying about seeing who's in front of you when they piss you off." – Kristen (41:53)
Timestamp: 45:21 – 57:30
Notable Quotes:
"I'm going to have an antisocial podcast host who's going to have a green room with a big ass couch and a chase lounge for people that I don't have over." – Steve Austin (55:10)
"It means kayfabe, motherfucker. Take the goddamn couch into pieces over to 317. If you don't say nothing, we ain't going to say nothing." – Steve Austin (56:34)
Timestamp: 57:52 – 64:55
Notable Quotes:
"But we got to clear some space out of that damn garage to put the generator in there... what are you going to do with that piano? You don't play it anymore." – Steve Austin (61:10)
"If you want a lollipop scale, send me a motherfucking email." – Steve Austin (62:17)
Timestamp: 66:17 – 72:25
Notable Quotes:
"When we're prepping for the earthquake that's probably going to hit one of these days we're going to cross off whiskey." – Steve Austin (68:32)
"I said, call Randy. We're going to kick out this wall 10ft. We've got to add on to our house to fit the fucking couch in. Whether it's cheaper to return the couch or kick the wall out 10ft, I don't give a fuck. But we gotta do it." – Steve Austin (70:59)
"I'm gonna have the God damnedest green room you ever saw with seats galore." – Steve Austin (71:58)
The episode is candid, conversational, and often laugh-out-loud funny, filled with Steve’s signature blunt humor, wrestling slang, and affectionate teasing of Kristen. The banter reflects their real-life partnership, handling comical and relatable challenges together.