Stone Cold vs Bears - SAS CLASSIC

Summary

The Steve Austin Show – “Stone Cold vs Bears - SAS CLASSIC”

Date: November 25, 2025
Host: Steve Austin
Guest: Kristen Austin (Steve’s wife)
Location: Broken Skull Ranch 2.0, Nevada

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Episode Overview

This episode takes listeners inside Steve Austin’s downtime at Broken Skull Ranch 2.0, where he and his wife Kristen riff on life away from Los Angeles, trading stories about country living, animal encounters, household mishaps, and a surprise visit from a local bear. The episode delivers classic “Texas BS” in Austin’s trademark irreverent, humorous style, eschewing wrestling talk in favor of unfiltered insights into his post-wrestling world, prepping for hunting season, and marital banter.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. A Break from Wrestling Talk

• Steve references recent fan requests to diversify topics away from pro wrestling.
  • [01:41] Steve Austin: “Somebody sent me an email saying, 'Hey Steve, you sure been talking to a lot of wrestlers lately. Can you talk about something else?'... So I said, what the fuck? I'll do something different.”
• The result is an episode focused on real-life experiences, family, and country living, joined by his wife Kristen.

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2. The Great Escape to Broken Skull Ranch & Traveling Tales

• Steve and Kristen share details of their respective solo drives from Los Angeles to the ranch.
  • Steve's Journey ([08:48]): Anticipated a quiet Saturday morning but was surprised by heavy, fast LA traffic.
    • “I get on the 405… I thought I was in a NASCAR race, but it blowed my fucking doors off.”
  • Kristen's Solo Trip ([08:45]): Her first solo drive; easier than expected with no traffic, just her and the lab Moolah for company.
    • Kristen Austin ([14:51]): "I was a little bit nervous... just because I was going to be driving seven hours by myself. But I had Moolah with me and I listened to the music on the radio and I took my time. I made myself a sandwich and just cruised through the towns."
• Steve details his hunting prep and road food routine, touting his “no alcohol, only macros” healthy kick.

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3. Bear Sightings and Wildlife Encounters

• The highlight of the episode centers on recent bear activity near their property.
  • Multiple neighbors report bears and mountain lions nearby.
  • Bears have been raiding the property’s apple trees, leaving evidence behind.
    • Steve Austin ([18:09]): “Bear shit. Bears don’t poop bear shit. And we got three apple trees... them bears love to climb up in them apple trees and forge all them damn apples.”
• The Bear Sighting Event ([31:06 – 33:46]):
  • Kristen, cautious with bears around, develops a nighttime protocol for “last call” dog potty time, complete with flashlights and clapping.
  • One night while Steve is washing dishes, Kristen spots a large bear outside:
    • Kristen Austin ([31:06]): “You’re not gonna believe it. Steve, come here. There’s a bear out in our front yard.”
    • Steve Austin ([31:19]): “God damn, that’s a big fucking bear. I had him estimated, you know, shit, I had him at 400 to 450. That sum’bitch was no fucking slouch.”
  • Steve jokes about being careful, referencing wrestling bears but not wanting to try “stunner” moves on wild ones.

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4. Country Living: Kitchen Chaos, Flank Steak Fiascos, and Gardening Woes

• Cooking Antics ([24:03 – 28:08]):
  • Steve details his marinade recipe and how he ruined a flank steak, necessitating an emergency switch to antelope meat.
    • “Normally, I nail this motherfucker, I knock it out of the park. The one time I completely botch it and fuck it up was the night you was trying to get in.”
  • Kristen stalls in the kitchen because of narrow quarters, cooking mishaps, and dogs lying in the way.
    • Steve Austin ([28:14]): “For some reason, every time Kristen or we start cooking, here they come. The dogs have to be in there… like a fucking roadblock.”
• Garden Troubles ([40:29 – 41:54]):
  • They laugh about Kristen’s overrun “vegetable cemetery,” now plagued by surprise tomatillo plants left by previous owners.
    • Kristen Austin ([41:44]): “There’s like dangling tomatoes cemetery.”

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5. Mountain Lions—Real and Bronze

• Dogs’ reactions to a bronze mountain lion statue provide comic relief.
  • Steve Austin ([44:16]): “Callie… hates mountain lions. That dog started going ballistic—growling, barking, spitting. Her hair was up... she was going crazy.”

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6. Life at the Ranch: Cars, Trash, and Shooting Ranges

• Steve jokes about wanting to put a trailer hitch on his Corvette to make dump runs ([45:12 – 47:28]).
  • “I might be the first person to get a Corvette Z06 and put a trailer hitch on it… I’ll pop the hatch on my Corvette, throw my little trash bag over and weigh out.”
• Details efforts to set up his own shooting range with steel targets, prepping for hunting season, and interacting with local law enforcement at the range ([47:28 – 50:36]).
• Contemplates doing a ride-along with Nevada law enforcement and riffs on becoming “the deputized dude with the blue dome light on his Corvette” ([51:26 – 52:26]).

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7. Training Dogs (the Wrong Way)

• Schemes how he’ll train Callie as a drug-sniffing dog for his would-be deputy gig ([53:17 – 53:51]).
  • “…I’ll go out there and I’ll put the dope in different locations around the yard and I’ll teach Callie how to be a drug sniffing dog.”
  • Admits to having “no clue” how real K9 training happens; Kristen suggests his idea is terrible.

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8. Steve’s Foray into Marijuana—A Cautionary Tale

• Steve recounts his brief, comedic experiment with marijuana on a road trip, worrying about getting busted at the Sierra Blanca checkpoint ([54:25 – 57:13]).
  • Steve Austin: “So I got this one medicinal marijuana cigarette… And that motherfucker smelled up the whole goddamn inside of that camper… I'm about to get busted for fucking one joint.”
  • The punchline: “This joint ain’t worth a shit. So that was my foray into the marijuana world. Ain’t my cup of tea, but we will bricks.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [01:41] Steve Austin: “Shooting the breeze with my wife today about all the headaches, hassles, and horseshit that's going on in my life and down here at the BSR 2.0, including mountain lions, bears and all kinds of bullshit.”
• [09:07] Steve Austin: “I turned out on Washington Boulevard… There’s a lot of motherfuckers out this morning… I thought I was in a NASCAR race, but it blowed my fucking doors off.”
• [31:06] Kristen Austin: “You’re not gonna believe it. Steve, come here. There’s a bear out in our front yard.”
• [31:19] Steve Austin: “That’s a big fucking bear. I had him estimated at 400 to 450. That sum’bitch was no fucking slouch.”
• [32:36] Steve Austin: “When I see a wild bear…this didn’t escape from someone’s backyard—this is a wild fucking bear. Did you think I was just gonna go over it, walk up to it and put my arm around him, ‘Hey, bud, how’s it going?’”
• [41:44] Kristen Austin: “There’s like dangling tomatoes cemetery.”
• [45:12] Steve Austin: “I might be the first person to get a Corvette Z06 and put a trailer hitch on it... I'll pop the hatch... throw my little trash bag over and weigh out.”
• [53:45] Kristen Austin: “I'm sure there's a way that they teach dogs to do this.”
• [57:13] Steve Austin: "The last thing I want to do after all the bullshit I survived in the business of pro wrestling was to get busted with goddamn possession of a fucking control substance… This joint ain't worth a shit."

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–01:41 — Ads, episode intro, explanation of today’s different show format
• 07:03–10:56 — Travel stories from LA to Nevada
• 13:44–17:15 — Hunting prep, more travel anecdotes, and prepping the ranch
• 18:05–21:09 — Neighborhood bear reports, bear and mountain lion talk
• 31:06–33:46 — The big bear sighting at the ranch
• 24:03–28:08 — Flank steak cooking fiasco, antelope burger rescue
• 40:29–41:54 — Gardening struggles, “vegetable cemetery”
• 44:16–44:36 — Black lab Callie attacks the mountain lion statue
• 45:12–47:28 — Corvette dump runs, ranch maintenance
• 47:28–50:36 — Shooting range preparations, law enforcement encounters
• 51:26–52:26 — Riffing on deputy/corvette “Starsky & Hutch” scenario
• 54:25–57:13 — Steve’s marijuana misadventure at the Sierra Blanca checkpoint
• 58:41–End — Wrap-up: social media, hunting trip plans, call for fan Q&A

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Final Thoughts & Takeaways

• While billed as a break from pro wrestling, the episode delivers classic Stone Cold in full: hilarious rants, rural Texas wisdom, slapstick marital bickering, and a genuine look at modern homesteading.
• The bear sighting is a highlight, giving listeners an authentic sense of wild Nevada life—and Steve’s capacity to blend serious storytelling with irreverent humor.
• Steve’s connection with fans is evident as he requests listener questions for upcoming shows, keeping the podcast direct and interactive.

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For more Steve Austin goodness, follow him at @steveaustinbsr on Twitter and Instagram, and send in questions for future Q&A sessions.

“And that’s the bottom line.”

Transcript

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Podcast one.com production from Hollywood, California by way of the Broken Skull Ranch. This is the Steve Austin Show.

[Steve Austin]

Give me a Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

[Podcast Announcer]

Now here's Steve Austin.

[Steve Austin]

All right everybody. Welcome to Steve Austin Show. I am coming to you from the mean streets. Scratch that. I am on cruise control mode. I ain't on the mean streets of Los Angeles, California. Shit. I'm at the goddamn Broken Skull Ranch out here in the middle of nowhere in Nevada. BSR 2.0 repping out here. Cali, my prized black lab on my right, Moolah my wonderful silver lab laying down right in front of me. My wife is joining me on today's podcast. I had somebody send me in an email the other day to [e-mail] and and they said, hey Steve, you sure been talking to a lot of wrestlers lately. Can you talk about something else? And I emailed them back. I said, well, one of my favorite subjects to talk about is wrestling with other wrestlers. So I said, well, what the fuck? Yeah, I can chop it up. I'll do something different. So I'm shooting the breeze with my wife today about all the headaches, hassles, and horseshit that's going on in my life and down here at the BSR 2.0, including mountain lions, bears and all kinds of bullshit. So it's a bullshit session with myself and my wife shooting the breeze with a couple of microphones in hand while I roll sound on my Zoom H6N recorder. And as you will hear me ask towards the end of the podcast and on the close of the show, I have a hunting trip coming up. I'll be hunting from November 1st through the 5th and I will be out in the middle of Nowhere in unit 034. I would like to do some Q and A podcasts because I'm going to need some material to hold me over while I am gone. If you have any questions, whether they are wrestling related or whatever, please send them to questionsteveaustonshow.com that would help me out. Help me bank up a couple of shows so I don't miss anything while I'm trying to go out there and enjoy the great outdoors, riding my Kawasaki mules and just shooting the breeze with my buddies and having a good time. And if a mule deer comes along, that's great. But I'm just looking forward to getting out and riding my buggies. I'm gonna load up my Chevy Duramax, put my Kawasaki mule on my trailer, haul ass down there with all my food, and I am looking forward to getting out in the middle of nowhere. I have Ted Fowler 361 coming up on a Thursday podcast. He's gonna help me take care of one of those, but I still need about three more. I'll probably record obviously some podcasts while I'm out there hunting when we're between hunts, but I might not be able to send those unless I drive all the way into Winnemucca, which is about 100 miles away to send the sound bitches. But help me out so I can get those things done in advance and I sure would appreciate it. As soon as I get done recording this podcast, I'm heading down to the shooting range to dial my gun in and get ready for my hunt. Start getting my grocery list together. Eating program is going fantastic. Sticking to my exact macros. 0 alcohol for right at 14 days. Now pounds are coming off. My strength is going up. Jesus Christ, I'm getting strong as a goddamn horse over here. No alcohol and you hit the weights on a consistent basis and eat what you're supposed to. It is amazing the differences you can make or I'm making so. And I'm also doing my DDP yoga. Shit. Hell, I'm going to jump up here and do the splits like a God dang cheerleader here in a minute. I'm flexible as a mot. Dallas program works like a bitch. Appreciate it, Dallas. I appreciate it man. That's a badass program. I am sticking to it nonetheless. Back to the open of the show. Having a good time out here in Nevada. Everything is all copacetic. Enjoying the fresh clean air and enjoying being out of the mean streets of Los Angeles. Hopefully the streets maintain some sanity while I'm gone. As soon as I get back there, Cal and I will get back to patrolling the streets. But anyway, signing off from here we will pick up my conversation with my illustrious wife Kristen, shooting the breeze Austin style at the Brooklyn School Ranch 2.0. And that is the bottom line.

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[Steve Austin]

Exclusions.

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This is the Steve Austin Show.

[Steve Austin]

All right everybody. Welcome to Steve Austin Show. I am sitting here at the broken Skull Ranch 2.0. Lean back in my podcast couch with my podcast and partner Cali, my prize Black Lab laying here beside me. I lose Callie about a year and.

[Kristen Austin]

A half and she's not much of a prize.

[Steve Austin]

That's gonna be a good dog. That is a damn good dog. I got a story about that damn dog, man. She is the loudest Labrador we have ever had in our lives. The motherfucker's crazy, but she's gonna be a damn good dog. My illustrious wife Kristen joins me on the Podcast today. And over there beside her on the other couch is Moolah, our silver lab. And Moolah has got like the highest IQ in the history of dogs. The dog don't never do nothing wrong, has great manners, etiquette, all that stuff.

[Kristen Austin]

Speaks dog English, sign language and can spell.

[Steve Austin]

Yeah, she speaks Spanish, English, sign language and she can spell. And if you don't believe me, just come over and we'll watch you. You can watch it. Put it through the bases. But anyway, we're out here in Nevada. I got a couple of emails the other day and they said, hey Steve, you've been talking too much about wrestling, man. I've been enjoying having all those cats from independent scene coming by the crib and shooting the breeze about wrestling. But everybody said, wait, you talking too much about wrestling. I said, all right, I'll stick a microphone in my hand and bullshit about the everyday mundane horseshit that I call life. Just like the same shit you do. Same shit I do. Kind of boring nonetheless. Here we go. It all started off just the other day. My wife came down the day before me. She came on a Friday and she drove our Yukon XL with Moolah. And what time did you leave LA?

[Kristen Austin]

6:40. Because I'm not early bird like you left at 6:40.

[Steve Austin]

I like to leave by 5:45, which I did. I'll get into my trip. And so you got out there and it was on Friday, but you really had no traffic.

[Kristen Austin]

Not one bit of traffic the whole way, man.

[Steve Austin]

It's a nice drive. It's, you know, just shy about around 450, 475 miles. And I was going to leave on Saturday. So I'm figuring all right, because you.

[Kristen Austin]

Had a podcast to do.

[Steve Austin]

Yeah, I had a podcast to do and got it done. And I figured, okay, I'll get all the miles out of the way and I'll end up at the ranch with plenty of time to spare. And so I'm just thinking, all right man, Saturday morning, no rush hour traffic, none of these people gonna be out on the streets. I'm just gonna load up. I had packed my truck the night before. I'm driving a three quarter ton Duramax diesel four door truck, real nice truck, loaded in Cali, had all my shit in the back, all my targets. I'm getting ready to go on a mule deer hunt with my brother in law. Coming up here in about five days out there in unit 034. So I was thinking, man, early. I got up, I made my 12 egg whites, one cup of oatmeal. Got my breakfast down. Had some flank steak to eat on the road. I'm on my eating program right now. No, margaritas are cerveza for the kid. Right now I'm working up for this appearance gig I got. So I'm trimming back and all the workouts are going good. So I figured, okay, nice, easy, chill. 5:45 in the morning, still dark. And I'm just gonna cruise through la. My wonderful Labrador retriever riding in the shotgun seat. All my redneck bullshit and the rest of the pickup truck and just the hum of a Duramax diesel motor driving down the freeways of Los Angeles. Shit. I turned out on Washington Boulevard, went down a couple blocks and said, man, there's a lot of motherfuckers out this morning. I said, well, maybe Lee's up on the highway. So I got out there on the highway, jumped on the 405, and I was like, God damn. Damn. I was driving 70, 75 miles an hour. And I was just planning on driving about 65 and just chilling because I told my wife, Kristen, back me up on this. I said, I'm not going to be in a hurry. I'm not even going to run radar. I'm just going to take my time. Did I not say that?

[Kristen Austin]

You said that.

[Steve Austin]

I get on the 405 and I swear to God, these son bitches might as well had goddamn numbers painted on the sides of the car. Because I thought I was in a NASCAR race, but it blowed my fucking doors off. I wanted to get into HOV lane, the high occupancy vehicle lane. But if I got pulled over, as much as I consider Cali a human being, I don't think a law enforcement officer would. So I stayed out of the left hand lane. And I didn't even stay in. I didn't even get in the left hand lane. I stayed in the right lane. It's about a four lane highway. And these motherfuckers, Crystal were blowing my damn doors off. And I'm just thinking to myself, okay, how many of these people that are out on the road right now are just coming home from a club? How many of them are drunk? How many of them just got up, decided to take a couple hits off the bong or some fucking dope and get on the highway? So all these things are running through my mind as I'm just rolling down the highway. And what turned in to be, you know, what I anticipated just being a nice quiet ride. My escape from Los Angeles. You remember that movie Way back in the day with Kurt Russell. Escape from New York. Yes, this was Escape from Los Angeles, California. Man, I thought it was going to be a nice easy ride. But no, all these motherfuckers. I'm getting cut off, Chris. And it's dark. I'm running 75 miles an hour and motherfuckers are passing by me like I'm standing still. I didn't know what was up.

[Kristen Austin]

Well, not always ups the ante for you. Like if somebody passes you, you think you have to go back, put the pedal to the metal and pass them up.

[Steve Austin]

Yeah, but it's always a question you and me ask each other when we get out on the highways and just, just the highways smoked. And I'm just thinking, okay, at 5:45 in the morning, okay, I'm going to Nevada to go to the Broken Skull Ranch, where in the fuck all people going Saturday you ain't got to be at work. Why is everybody on the highway? That was the big question that was on my mind. I'd love to know. Just knock on everybody's window, hey man, where you going? Just out of curiosity, take a survey. Have you been drinking? Have you been smoking? Did you snort a relic cocaine? What are you doing drinking coffee? Diet Red Bull, What? That's the kind of ride that I had, Kristin. These are the important questions, the life changing questions that go through a global icon, national treasure as he rides down the damn freeway. So what turned out to be a nice peaceful ride? Finally when I got past Palmdale, Lancaster was still just bust ass, everybody side to side. And finally when I got through our favorite town, our romantic getaway, Mojave, that's when it kind of started slowing down and me and Callie could ride in a little bit of peace. I set my cruise control on about 75 and, and just rolled down the highway.

[Kristen Austin]

But my dress shop is open again.

[Steve Austin]

My little dress shop with all the mannequins out with all those hot little numbers, all those outfits on there. I was gonna pull over and get you something sexy to wear, but man, when you pass through there at about 6:45 in the morning, they ain't open yet. So I'm hoping that maybe after my hunting trip, hopefully I get a badass mule deer with your brother. Mitch, as I'm coming home here in a few weeks, maybe I'll stop by and pick you up a little surprise or something.

[Kristen Austin]

That'd be, that'd be great.

[Steve Austin]

I might even go to. What's that place called? Intimate.

[Kristen Austin]

Intimate Encounters.

[Steve Austin]

I might stop by Intimate Encounters and Just get a grab bag full of fun.

[Kristen Austin]

Okay.

[Steve Austin]

How was your trip? Did you. This was your first drive?

[Kristen Austin]

Well, because you never let me drive anywhere.

[Steve Austin]

No, no, no, no, no, no. That wasn't what I was going to say. Chris, this was your first drive solo, right?

[Kristen Austin]

Because you never let me drive anywhere.

[Steve Austin]

I say again, this was your first drive solo without anybody in the car with you. You come and go with me.

[Kristen Austin]

Well, I was a little bit nervous.

[Steve Austin]

Yep.

[Kristen Austin]

Just because I was going to be driving seven hours by myself. But I had moolah with me and I listened to the music on the radio and I took my time. I made myself a sandwich and just cruised through the towns.

[Steve Austin]

Any surprises? Any groundbreaking thoughts? Any ways to save the universe? What did you do? Because I know you tried to listen to one of them serial podcast and you weren't used to driving seven hours because like you said, I'm always driving. But this is your solo trip. But you got bored of the podcast.

[Kristen Austin]

I did. I had to stop listening because it was like four hours later. I just couldn't take any more.

[Steve Austin]

Why did you just download an episode of Steve Austin show and you could just be just like I was sitting there telling you the podcast?

[Kristen Austin]

You know what? I'll do that on the way back.

[Steve Austin]

I know. As you would say, I'm not your demographic or you're not my demographic. I had a damn good trip. Everything was fine. The thing I love about the damn Duramax, man, that's something that you go about 600 miles without filling up any gas. And me and Callie were motoring along and every now and then I would pull over, let her do her business. It was just a man and his dog, Kristen. It was like the most macho trip and I'm coming up here. I knew we was going to spend a few days up here taking care of business because we got some projects going on here at the ranch. But, man, I'm getting ready for my big mule deer hunt and I think when we get through with this podcast, I'm a ride out to the shooting range. And I was talking with a guy the other day, a bunch of law enforcement people over here and guy was talking to me about mule deer hunting and he had taken his 300 win mag. And last year I took my seven mag on that hunt. And this year I think I'll take my 300 win mag. I'm going to go out to the shooting range. I am going to zero that rifle at 100 yards. I had been zeroing at about 300 in anticipation of a long shot. But 100 yards will be my zero. I have that Leopold Boone and Crockett reticle scope, so I will see what the lower crosshairs end up being dead on at. And I'm looking forward to getting up to your brother's place where we stay in unit 034. And your brother was telling us he's got a buddy in this area who has been setting some video cameras up and been capturing a lot of amazing footage of mountain lions and bears.

[Kristen Austin]

Yes.

[Steve Austin]

And right down the road from us, there's a guy who grazes some sheep on side of the road and he keeps them in a little pen. And since we've been here and the past year, I think three sheep have met their demise because of mountain lions. And the dude was just out there moving them down the road because he just put this little pen around them. He lets them eat the grass and it gives them plenty of water. And they move them to the next patch of grass. That's a good way to mow the side of the road. It's almost like, you know, dangling some candy in front of the mountain lions because they're having a pretty good success rate when the pen is about 10 by 10 enclosure and. And a sheep can't. Got nowhere to run. That kind of sucks ass. The dude's been getting a lot of footage of some bears. And then my neighbors are sitting there saying, hey, man, there's been plenty of bears sighted in the area.

[Kristen Austin]

Well, and I keep seeing bear poop bear shit.

[Steve Austin]

Bear shit. Bears don't poop bear shit. And we got three apple trees at part of the property. And them bears love to climb up in them apple trees and forge all them damn apples out there. Because you're reading on a computer today, that bear has got to take in like 20,000 calories a day before they go into hibernation.

[Kristen Austin]

Yep.

[Steve Austin]

So, man, the last time we left out of here about two weeks ago, those three apple trees, those fucking things were just sagging. There were so many apples on them, tons. And everybody was saying, man, the mule deer coming here eat those apples. I didn't see no mule deer last year eating no apples. And then this year they said, man, the bears eating the apples. There's bear shit everywhere. And I said, okay, well, I'll believe it when I see it. And there was one hit right down there on the highway, so I knew they were in the area. And God damn, every night before we go to sleep, and this is regardless whether we're in the marina Del Rey or out here at the ranch, we always do our last call for our dogs. Now last call in a bar is the last time you can order a damn drink. It's not that kind of last call. This is when we do our potty call for them to go out there and do their business before we go to sleep. And they can't go out again. So they either shit, piss, both, whatever, that's their last call. And so Kristen has got into the habit since we come back because of all the bear sightings. She goes out there with the flashlight and flashes like a prison yard out here. She flashes the yard with that beam of light and I clap and she collapsed. It's a goddamned noise. And my wife starts clapping her hands together and she does it to call the dogs on many occasions. That's the go to mechanism when those dogs hear her clap and they know there's going to be a treat involved. Me, when I'm standing by her, I'm deaf as a fucking doornail. And that just rings. I'd rather shoot my seven mag with a muzzle brake with no ear protection on the listen to my wife clap. So I don't know. Do you figure when you clap it's gonna scare any impending bears away? What's the deal?

[Kristen Austin]

Skunks, bears, mountain lion, coyotes, whatever.

[Steve Austin]

So you're gonna scare a skunk with a clap?

[Kristen Austin]

I'm just gonna let them know I'm coming out.

[Steve Austin]

Okay. So anyway, she's been doing this regimen where she goes out there and we've got these pistol grief grip flashlights that are rechargeable. They're outstanding. You can get them at tractor supply. About 25 bucks. Pretty good candle power. Probably about 700, whatever it is, shines out there. We've been out here for five days, we ain't picked up shit. So normally when I let the damn dogs out, I just say, hey, fuck it, if Kristen's asleep, I ain't looking for no bears. I let the dogs go do their business. They shit or piss or both. We come back in, lay our heads on the pillow and go to sleep. Last night I was a little bit on the lazy side. We were watching the World Series last night. Did we watch an episode of Yellowstone?

[Kristen Austin]

We watched the World Series last night.

[Steve Austin]

Yeah. World Series. Goddamn. Dodgers are down.01. Fucking Red Sox. I'm pulling for Dodgers. I like Boston's program. A lot of good pitching going on both sides of the team there.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Steve Austin]

Anyway, back to the potty call so Kristen said. All right, I was in there washing dishes. That's what I was doing. I have washed more dishes in my life than probably any man on planet earth. My wife loves to cook and since she loves to cook, there's always a pile of dishes to do every time we get through going way back to when we had the ranch down there in Tilden, Texas when Ted comes over every night. It's funny because every time Ted would come over, we always eat on paper plates and normally we're drinking out of solo cups or yeti tumblers when we're drinking margaritas or whatever drinking or broken skull IPAs. And then Ted, when he gets finished eating, sitting right across the bar from me, would take his lone fork and drop it in the sink for me to wash. Thank you Teddy. Much appreciated. But anyway, I digress. So I'm in there washing all the damn dishes. And don't get me wrong, I'm very happy that my wife's passion and love is cooking. And the fact that she's amazing at it is the biggest bonus because oh man, that's like. First of all, I love you, but the fact that you're a damn good cook. Well, see, my mom was an awesome cook, so I always grew up eating awesome food. And it's like, man, not just put this way, not all women cook very much anymore.

[Kristen Austin]

This is true.

[Steve Austin]

And not all women share a passion for it.

[Kristen Austin]

This is true.

[Steve Austin]

But you do. And so I'm happy to wash all the dishes because I ate some badass food.

[Kristen Austin]

But let's backtrack a couple days.

[Steve Austin]

Okay. What happened? I knew there's going to be a trick to this.

[Kristen Austin]

So you decide you're going to make a flank steak and you overcook it.

[Steve Austin]

Yep.

[Kristen Austin]

And it's like a piece of brick. And all of a sudden I'm in there in my glory, cooking away and here you come. Flank steak didn't turn Out. I gotta find something else out. Something else out to eat. So basically you kick me out of the kitchen, that's two by two, and decide you're going to eat your antelope meat. So I have to go wait the living room till you're out of the kitchen to finish my cooking. And then I didn't eat till 8 o' clock at night. And then you had to do dishes up until 9 o' clock that night.

[Steve Austin]

That was a shitty night. We were both in a bad mood. It had been a bad day. And man, I have the God damnedest recipe for flank steak. All you do is you go buy a flank steak and most time it's too tough. But it's very lean. It's a very lean red meat. That's why I'm eating a lot of flank steak right now. So basically I'll take a gallon Ziploc bag, take a regular flank steak that probably weighs between a pound and a half and two pounds, put it into the Ziploc bag. I'll get a whole lemon, cut it in two, a whole lime, cut it in two. And just like using my margarita squeezer, I'll squeeze the juice from a lime and a lemon into the Ziploc bag. Then I'll pour, probably, I'm just guessing, 3 to 4 ounces of Worcestershire sauce, 3 to 4 ounces of soy sauce. I'll throw in a teaspoon of either mustard or gray Poupon. Goddamn, I can't say that fucking word. Grey Poupon, Dijon mustard. Fuck, is that a French word or what? Because that's why I can't fucking pronounce it. I call it brown mustard. Fuck it, but goddamn, it makes that some bitch taste good. But don't make the mistake of putting too much that shit in there. You'll fuck it up. Then I put in a liberal dose of salt, some pepper, and I'll throw in a few red pepper, cayenne, red pepper flakes as well. I'll seal it up, I'll get all the air out and I'll lay that motherfucker in the refrigerator and I'll marinate it for about 12 hours and I'll flip it over about halfway to get the other side. And then by the time I throw it on the grill, I've got my grill turned up to 500, 400 on each side. And then I have a thermometer you need to stick in that thing. And you want to take that sun bitch off if you like it kind of on the medium, medium rare, Side, which I suggest because those things are notorious for drying out at about 135 degrees. You want to take that thing off, put it in a plate, let it rest for 10 to 15 minutes, then cut it against the grain into your slices. Normally, I nail this motherfucker, I knock it out of the park. What I'm cooking over here on my little Weber two burner barbecue pit is world class flank steak. So the one time I completely botch it and fuck it up was the night you was trying to get in.

[Kristen Austin]

I have a new recipe I want to try, and you come walking in with a brick on a paper plate. First you undercooked it, then I advised you maybe go stick it on the barbecue for a little bit longer, which you did, but you kept it on way too long. So it came in looking like a brown shoe.

[Steve Austin]

Man, that somebody was a piece of shit. And I said, man, you know, I'm too old. I mean, like, I got all my teeth still only have, like, two cavities with fillings in them. My teeth a little on the yellow side, but not. They in pretty good shape. If I was going to eat this flank steak, I was going to break those motherfuckers up. So I said, fuck it. I'll eat the $20 at the goddamn. No pun intended. That the flank steak cost. Get the antelope out of the freezer. I had some antelope made in the ground burger, threw that in some hot water, defrosted it real quick, seasoned that up. That was really good, Kristen, because the secret there with that ground antelope is really lean. So I threw in some of that Trader Joe's teriyaki barbecue sauce and basically.

[Kristen Austin]

Almost made like a. Oh, the Korean barbecue sauce.

[Steve Austin]

Yeah, it's got a little bit of heat to it.

[Kristen Austin]

Yeah, that's good.

[Steve Austin]

Ended up being a real goddamn good dish. But we're operating out of real tight quarters over here while we're doing some remodeling. And the kitchen area is about literally.

[Kristen Austin]

Two by two, and we've got two dogs that want to lay on the carpets in the kitchen.

[Steve Austin]

For some reason, every time Kristen or we start cooking, here they come. The dogs have to be in there. And Marina del Rey, it's fine because, you know, it's a normal setup, and they're still in the way, but because we keep a rug in front of the sink to stand on and in front of the oven to stand on, well, they think those are places for them to lay down. And Moolah is the worst. She weighs about what, she's 66,5 pounds.

[Kristen Austin]

65 pounds.

[Steve Austin]

And that some bitch would just lay there like a fucking roadblock. And she'll just look at you like, oh, are you coming this way? Don't you see I'm laying here? But anyway, that is my recipe for flank steak. Where was I going with the story? Oh, yeah, back to the bear sighting.

[Kristen Austin]

That's what happened, is that we're talking about the bear. I thought we were talking about cooking.

[Steve Austin]

Yeah, we were talking about cooking, but we segued off when I went to my flake steak recipe. So I'm in there washing dishes. So Kristen's gonna do the last call. So she goes outside with the pistol grip flashlight. I'm in there scrubbing away with my fucking gimmick soap and a goddamn scrubber on a stick and a sponge. And I'm getting these dishes. They're like fucking.

[Kristen Austin]

You don't even use the sponge.

[Steve Austin]

These, Kirsten, when I get through with those dishes, ain't a germ one on them. So anyway, I'm washing.

[Kristen Austin]

Well, the other day when you went and cooked your antelope, it tasted like soap.

[Steve Austin]

No, that was because you didn't rinse out the damn pan. No, that was a piece of cod.

[Kristen Austin]

Oh, it was cotton. Yeah.

[Steve Austin]

I was eating some cod the other day that my wife made for me and I can't remember where I came in from. I was riding my four wheeler or something and then she's going to be like the wife of the year finally and cook me some code. And I'm in there eating, I'm watching. It's still the divisional playoffs, and I'm eating this piece of cod and I'm thinking there's some kind of gimmicky aftertaste. It was almost like she had dipped the cod in cologne. And I'm thinking, man, is she trying to poison me? My stomach don't hurt yet. I mean, I don't know what your stomach's supposed to feel like when you get poisoned, but I figured she had poisoned, like arsenic or. What are those different kinds of poisons. Strychnine, cyanide, brucene, all kinds of whatever. Yeah, riot scene. She sent me some in an envelope. God damn, I'm thinking the worst. And I told her to men, there's something wrong with this fish. But anyway, so I'm in a washing dishes, right? Kristen goes out and I'm in there washing away, you know, got my head up my ass. And sure enough, she comes in. You're not gonna believe it. Steve, come here. You're not gonna believe it. I told you we were supposed to check the yard every time there's a bear out in our front yard. I said, oh, horse shit. She goes, come here. And sure enough, I go out there with the pistol grip flashlight and there's a big ass bear. There's a big bear about 40 yards, 35 yards from. From the, from the door.

[Kristen Austin]

I didn't think it was that far.

[Steve Austin]

It's about close, yeah. Depends on if you're in the house or not. That's how far the bear is away. And, man, I go out, I grab a flashlight from her, I said, God damn, that's a big fucking bear.

[Kristen Austin]

It's a big bear. And it was only 9 o' clock at night.

[Steve Austin]

I had him estimated, you know, shit, I had him at 400 to 450. That some was no fucking slouch.

[Kristen Austin]

No, he was not.

[Steve Austin]

And so I come back in, I was gonna get my iPhone to do some video of it. And then I go back out and Kristen says, don't get too close. And I'm like, are you fucking shitting me? Don't get too close.

[Kristen Austin]

Well, you were close to the rattlesnakes when you used to film them, so.

[Steve Austin]

Well, I know, but a goddamn bear can run about 25, 30 miles an hour. And like, what am I do? Put on my gimmick knee braces, go out there and give the motherfucker stunner? She said, don't get close to it. Like, like she really needed to go, like, knock on my head. Hello, McFly. I'm not that fucking stupid, Kristen. I know you think I am on many occasions, some of the stupid shit I do, but. But when I see a wild bear, this. This didn't escape from someone's backyard who was a pet bear, like those ones that guys used to wrestle on the wrestling scene way back in the day that are halfway tamed and they're wearing a muzzle. This is a wild fucking bear. Did you think I was just gonna go over it, walk up to it and put my arm around him, said, hey, bud, how's it going?

[Kristen Austin]

No, but I thought you were gonna get close to it.

[Steve Austin]

No, man, Chris, again, I'm stupid. I've done some stupid shit in my life, but I ain't that fucking stupid. I'd be like going to a mountain lion and say, hey, man, what's up? You know when the mountain line goes and all of a sudden I just come apart in slices? Nah, man, the bear. Here's the thing about a bear. He didn't look vicious.

[Kristen Austin]

He looked menacing to me.

[Steve Austin]

He didn't look menacing. He just was going about his business trying to get his 20,000 calories in. So in a couple of weeks here, some bitch can go into hibernation and sleep for a couple of months. I'm guessing it was a male. Had it been a female, I would have had cubs with it.

[Kristen Austin]

Well. Well, then I went out and scanned again after you went and grabbed your iPhone. And I saw a bunch of little eyes over there by the apple trees, so.

[Steve Austin]

I know, but I think that was the sheep that are in the damn pen over there.

[Kristen Austin]

No, same green eyes.

[Steve Austin]

When I put the lighting as green as when you shad them at night.

[Kristen Austin]

What does.

[Steve Austin]

Some things have a little bit different colored eyes. For the most part, they're green. But I think what you were seeing was him. Sheep.

[Kristen Austin]

I don't know. We'll see tonight.

[Steve Austin]

I'm gonna put a damn game camera out there and I'm gonna get some footage of this damn thing, man. But the bear was pretty. He was in good shape. And I guess it was a black bear, but it was colored brown.

[Kristen Austin]

He was brownish. He was.

[Steve Austin]

And you were reading about him. What's the difference in the color variations?

[Kristen Austin]

Well, they can vary very. Some of them can actually almost be blonde, and they still are. A black bear, man.

[Steve Austin]

The only other bear I've ever seen in person. I can't remember who I was riding with. We were in some little shithole town in Massachusetts. It was late. We was trying to get some gas. We had just done a shot. I cannot remember the name of the town, but there was a. Damn. The bear looked black. So it was a black bear, brown bear, whatever it was. And he was walking down the streets and he was getting into trash cans, just turning shit over and looking for food. And that was the only time. Of course, we was in a rental car at the time. And then I might have been drunk, so I might have saw two of them. No, I wasn't drunk. There was one bear, but it's the first time, you know, it's pretty cool.

[Kristen Austin]

I thought it was pretty amazing because I've never seen a bear in my life up close. And just to walk out your door and see. I mean, I was a little bit nervous because of the dogs, but I didn't let them out. But still, just to see a bear sitting there just staring at you, it was pretty incredible.

[Steve Austin]

Yeah, I mean, it was pretty cool. So tonight I'm gonna be ready for him.

[Kristen Austin]

Oh, yeah.

[Steve Austin]

I'm gonna be ready on the spotlight. I got some footage on my iPhone and. But it was too far away and only had like a two power zoom on it. And our gimmick flashlight, they're good for short range, but when you try to throw a long stream of light at those things, that bear, at the time I videoed it, it was probably 60, 70 yards away.

[Kristen Austin]

Yeah. And he was leaving.

[Steve Austin]

And he was leaving, walking through a little gate. So I didn't get no good footage of him. But if I get. You know what? Today, tonight, Kristen, I'm going to dress up as a tree. I'm going to just go out there, I'm going to hold some leaves in my hand. I'm just going to stand there.

[Kristen Austin]

I'll watch from the window. Okay.

[Steve Austin]

Yeah, but how am I going my iPhone if I got the leaves in my hand? Now I'm climb the tree and film down at the bear.

[Kristen Austin]

That's what I'm going to do.

[Steve Austin]

That I could. Right now all of the leaves are falling off the trees because it's falling. I'll gather up a big pile of leaves and I'll lay at the bottom. I'll let you cover me up with a rake. And then there I will be with my iPhone and when the impending bear comes up, I'll video him.

[Kristen Austin]

I'd like to see you scare him.

[Steve Austin]

If I fart, I will scare him. Here's what they say. They said we were doing some research on the bear and said if a bear charges you, but first of all, you never run from a bear. Don't turn your back on him. Run from him because that's how much will run your ass down. Unless you're usain bolt, then you ain't got a chance. Well, hit the bearing. Got a chance. I'm not usain Bolt. I figure if I ran top speed with a tailwind, I might hit 12 miles an hour.

[Kristen Austin]

You running is a. Is a pretty funny thing, too.

[Steve Austin]

I was doing some road work the other day and I was running down the road and the road's at an incline and I was just kind of doing like a military shuffle. And because I don't have.

[Kristen Austin]

People could see you run.

[Steve Austin]

Well, I've been used to riding our beaches cruisers up and down the damn front beach there in Los Angeles. Every morning I get up and I get on my beach cruiser and I ride for one hour. I go about 30, 35 minutes down down the beach and then when I hit that time limit, I turn around and haul ass back. And I figured, man, I'm in pretty Goddamn good shape.

[Kristen Austin]

Yeah.

[Steve Austin]

And so I figured, okay, it'll translate into my jogging slash running. Ain't no translation there. 260 beat up ass pounds with shit.

[Kristen Austin]

You're stiff when you run.

[Steve Austin]

I'm stiff and it's kind of chilly out here, man. I started shuffling up that goddamn road. I told my wife I was going to run up, come down, down the highway and then come back around the other side of the ranch.

[Kristen Austin]

The neighbors think you're cuckoo.

[Steve Austin]

God damn. I'll tell you what. If I'd have been hobbling down the damn road, I guarantee you people have been pulling over out of sympathy. Good God, man. Can we give you a ride? What's wrong? Like, like I've been walking for 50 miles out in the goddamn desert. Some water. Water. I look like I was dying.

[Kristen Austin]

You looked funny.

[Steve Austin]

So I went to the end of the road and I said, fuck it. This is embarrassing. I'm going to turn around and come back home. The way back home was a little bit better because it was a downhill descent. That fucking incline kicked my ass. So I figured, here's what I'm going to do. I got to get a gimmick exercise bike over here or I got to get a treadmill. And I wanted to stay off the treadmill because running on a treadmill is different than trying to get in shape on the ground. When you, when you're running on the ground.

[Kristen Austin]

Different? Yeah.

[Steve Austin]

Oh, it's a whole different ball game because I can run shit, man, I can put that treadmill on three and a half miles an hour. Just haul ass. That was a joke. It's a lot more forgiving on my body.

[Kristen Austin]

Yeah, it is.

[Steve Austin]

Yeah. When I'm on a treadmill, I can halfway haul ass. But man, it was. It was brutal. I'm not gonna outrun a bear, but tonight I'm gonna get ready to spot the bear and take some great pictures of it. But we ain't seen no mountain lions. Neighbors have.

[Kristen Austin]

We saw a mountain lion statue the other day that Callie attacked.

[Steve Austin]

Man, we got this mountain lion statue over here that we're in the process of moving it. So we put it over here and it's kind of like garden area where Kristen. Kristen's got a garden. But before I get back to the garden story, dude came over and picked up my John Deere tractor this morning. And I've had that tractor since. Brand new. It's a John Deere 4600, four wheel drive tractor, mid size, front end loader on it. Bush hog auger. That's been my baby. That's something that damn near doesn't have any hours on it. It's almost a brand new tractor. It's all faded from being out in the sun. But I let some people bar it there for a couple of months, and they beat the flying dog shit out of that son of a bitch. My goddamn headlights fell out of it. The goddamn plastic panel up around the speedometer and the tachometer. And right there on the ignition switch is just hanging down. The fucking seat flipped off of it. I had to put the seat belt on the seat to hold the motherfucker down so the wind didn't blow it off. A good gust of wind. Hell, if I'd have farted, it had flown off. And the dude walked up to the tractor and he's kind of like, you know, he didn't want to say anything. He knew who I was. And I was like, hey, man, I said, I didn't do that to this son of bitch. We had some people, I let them bar and they just beat. Beat the. Out of it. So anyway, Nonetheless, my prized 1998 John Deere tractor is in the shop. Dude just called to give me a parts list. He's gonna have to order, get my hydraulics back in order, do a little oil change, check the fluids on the hydraulics. A little bit of a tune up that decent motor. That tractor is gonna last longer than I am. So anyway, I'm happy about that. Going back to my wife's garden, though. Garden's about 5ft by 8ft.

[Kristen Austin]

No, it's a solid square.

[Steve Austin]

Whatever, it's fenced in.

[Kristen Austin]

Okay. Yep.

[Steve Austin]

And my wife planted some vegetables in there this year. And, man, I looked at our little garden. Did you even till it up? Did you do anything, man? I was talking to Shane Helms, my buddy, he's over in North Carolina. And I always thought Shane, you know, coming up, I knew he's an amateur wrestler. I'm talking about the hurricane. And I just figured he kind of like a city slicker, man. Him and his. I think it's his wife. Him and his girl, man, they got this big ass garden. I think it's about three acres.

[Kristen Austin]

Really?

[Steve Austin]

Oh, man. Oh, it's like a. Is phenomenal. And they walk through there and pick all the damn weeds and everything like that. And I figured at all my years, pro wrestling, I never figured Hurricane Shane Helms would have a badass garden. They grow all kinds of cool shit there. So going back to our garden, I.

[Kristen Austin]

Just didn't give it a lot of attention. This year?

[Steve Austin]

Well, we're coming and going. It's hard to have a garden when you're coming and going from where? Being in Nevada for a week and then going to Los Angeles for two weeks and coming back. Everything's all sprouted out, weeds all fucked up, can't do your damage control. Insects in there, just having a field day, just eating all the vegetables, them and the birds. Yeah. So. But your garden, it looks like a.

[Kristen Austin]

A vegetable cemetery now. There's like dangling tomatoes cemetery.

[Steve Austin]

I gotta give you credit on that one. You gotta get your. You got to get your gardening game up.

[Kristen Austin]

I do.

[Steve Austin]

It's embarrassing.

[Kristen Austin]

It is. It's pretty embarrassing. And there's. But, but the previous person that had planted in that garden didn't tell me that they had planted like 5,000 tomatillo plants. So in between all my plants are thousands of these tomatillos that sprouted up in the middle of nowhere. I didn't know they were going to come up. So I've got, you know, my tomatoes, my peppers, my zucchini, cucumbers, basil, lettuce, and there's a tomatillos all over them.

[Steve Austin]

So we do a little combos now. We do, we do tomatillo tomatoes, tomatillo zucchinis, tomatillo this, tomatillo that. We add tomatillos to every goddamn thing we eat. I'm. If I shit another tomatillo out, I'm gonna be madder than a hornet. But anyway, back to the mountain lion. I digress. There's this mountain lion. It's like a statue. Bronze sculpture.

[Kristen Austin]

Statue, yeah, sculpture. Yeah.

[Steve Austin]

And it used to have like a. Be a waterfall, what it used to be. But we pull that up and we just stuck it over there in the garden area. And that motherfucker's about from the ground up because it's still got some concrete on the bottom, about 4 foot high. And it's about a life size. Not really life size because your brother's been killing some big mountain lions this year. Yeah, it's a medium sized mountain lion, but it's bronze. It looks kind of like he's got his back end up, he's about to pounce on something. And Kristen goes over there with Callie and boy. Callie, Callie, you gotta understand, Callie is a black lab. She's a year and a half old. She is a damned good dog. Halfway crazy. And when someone comes over, Moolah is the ultimate watchdog. She will growl, she'll bark, she won't bite nobody. She hasn't yet, but she Is on red alert 5. Callie. When someone comes wagging her tail, she goes over, starts licking everybody to death. She's the friendliest dog in the world. She loves people. She hates mountain lions. That dog started going ballistic. She was. Men pounce positions, growling, barking, spitting. Her hair was up, hair was raised. It looked like a damn razorback. Yeah, it looked like she had a fin on the back of her damn back. She was going crazy. And then a couple times she tried to bite the damn bronze paw that's gonna chip her goddamn teeth off.

[Kristen Austin]

We had to pull her off the statue.

[Steve Austin]

Yeah, I said, man, we're just trying to rib you. We didn't know you'd get all upset about it.

[Kristen Austin]

I didn't even know she'd even see it. I was just over there looking at my garden.

[Steve Austin]

Well, it caught me off guard too. Yeah, I was over surveying the pond. I said, man, I'm a cast line in this. And I said, well, it. I ain't need to catch no fish. I'm trying to go out here and get a goddamn mule deer. I got many other things to do.

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Then buckle up for drive. World War Z.

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[Steve Austin]

What is going on here?

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All the thrills, all for free. Pluto TV stream now pay never. This is the Steve Austin show, man.

[Steve Austin]

One of the things I've been wanting to do since we got out here. Put a few more miles in my goddamn Corvette. It just seems like there's always something to do and I ain't got enough time to get my damn car and enjoy it. I took it for a little joyride the other day. I probably went about 15 or 20 miles. I invited you to come along, but if you didn't want to come with you, you missed out. I didn't drive over the speed limit. I kept it pretty damn normal. Hit some nice curvy windy roads. You would have enjoyed it.

[Kristen Austin]

I was playing with the horses.

[Steve Austin]

The thing about having the Corvette is what I'm thinking about doing. I might be the first person to get a Corvette Z06 and put a trailer hitch on it. Because that way I'd be able to take this motherfucker to the dump. Because out here, see, we're not signed up for a trash service, just like we weren't signed up for a trash service down there in South Texas. So once we're done with our stay, or midway and into our stay, depending on how much trash we're making, I'll load up my 03Z71 pickup and me and Callie would go down to the trash place here in town. And then you go to the trash place or the dump and you weigh in and then you go to where you drop the trash off. You drop the trash off, and then you go back to the station, hand them your card, and you weigh out. Depending on whatever your deposited trash was, depends on how much you pay the landfill. So it's all about weight. So you weigh in, weigh out, and then that determines how much trash you had. So I figured, well, if I ain't got no trailer hitch on that something, bitch, if you've just got a light load, I'll go down there with one trash bag in the back of my hatchback Corvette, way in, drive over to the dump where everybody's got a pickup truck or trailer or whatever. I'll pop the hatch on my Corvette, throw my little trash bag over and weigh out. I'm figuring, Kristen, it probably cost me about a buck, buck 50 to drop trash off in the Corvette. Then I'll come back here, pick up another trash bag, and repeat the process about seven times. That way, between going back and forth between here and the fucking dump, I can drive my goddamn Corvette, Put some.

[Kristen Austin]

Miles on it for sure.

[Steve Austin]

But that is one good thing. I mean, you got to have a pickup truck out here, which I got. We've got a Yukon XL to haul up all of our shit. We keep all the back seats float folded down on that son of a bitch. The dogs go back there in their dog bed. All of our shit goes in the back or just like in my pickup truck. I got the big idea a couple of months ago that I was going to have a tactical shooting range out here. So I bought four big ass, about shit, three quarter inch steel targets. Five, five and a half, six foot tall. They probably weigh a hundred pounds each, at least. Got a little bit of forward slant to them so your bullets don't bounce off and come ricochet back at you. Those had been sitting in our garage in Marina del Rey for about the past six months Because I didn't have nowhere to take them. Finally I told Kristen, I said, I'm gonna put those fuckers in the back of my pickup truck and take them down to Nevada. Well, they're here in Nevada, and I ain't got no place just to sit them out there and just let them stay out there in the elements. That's what they're designed to do. So I got four targets, and I'm gonna sell three of the cocksuckers because I just don't need that many. Because I can take one down to the shooting range, bust it up, shoot the fuck out of it, put it in the back of my pickup truck, and come on back to the damn house. So if you're in the damn Nevada area and you want a badass steel target from Alco targets, I'll take $350 each for them. Because my wife is fucking looking at me like I'm the dumbest motherfucker in the history of the world. Yet again, after another impulse purchase, which I figure was the greatest decision I ever made in my life. Because that means I ain't got to drive all the way out to Simi Valley to Taryn's house to shoot up all his targets. I just shoot my own. Well, right here. We're too close to town, and the land ain't big enough to just shoot over here at the ranch. So where am I gonna take this motherfucker, Kristen? I just strap it on the back of my Kawasaki, brute force 750, go out down the damn hills and just start popping caps in it. You could, man, I tell you what. Hey, man, speaking of popping caps, I got a chance to meet a lot of people down there at that shooting range. A lot of guys down there shoot a law enforcement people. A lot of cops out there go down and shoot, man. We'll strike up a conversation. I was dialing up my 7 mag in for that antelope hunt, and there was a dude over there shooting a.308 in prone position. Went over and started talking to him. And he came over, he says, hey man, I've got a target out there at 300 yards too, if you want to shoot my target as well. And I kind of broke the ice. We started shooting the breeze. So we started fucking around, shooting together and just kind of trading stories and stuff like that. Dude said, hey, man, if you ever want to do a ride along, just give me a yell. Come on out and go do a ride along. So one of these days, Kristen, maybe I would go. You're gonna go home in a couple days, right? Yeah, I think I'm gonna do a ride along and go out there and patrol the damn mean streets out here in Silver State of Nevada. Because, you know, I used to do the same thing with Hershey, Wonder Dog and The Bronco and Mean streets, Los Angeles. I cleaned up that city. I might be able to clean up this area just as well. But wouldn't that be pretty cool?

[Kristen Austin]

I think it would too.

[Steve Austin]

Because I got a million invites to go on some ride alongs and just never have gone on one. So that is going to be on my list of things to do.

[Kristen Austin]

I think it's a great idea.

[Steve Austin]

I'm gonna do it. Me and a ride along. That's something I think I'm gonna do. You know, along the lines Kristen of me doing a ride along. What if I was to get sworn in and deputized by the sheriff out here in Nevada? That way I drive around, I patrol the streets in my Corvette. I'm able to put some miles in, I get something out of it and then I don't know if the people that listen to the show are old enough to remember Starskin Hutch. Starsky and Hutch used to drive around in that red Gran Torino. I think it was a Gran Torino. I'm almost sure it was. And had that white gimmick strap on it. And anytime they got a call or they got an emergency, dude would pick up the damn blue light, the dome light and put it on the roof of car. Remember that?

[Kristen Austin]

Oh, yeah.

[Steve Austin]

If that wasn't a Gran Torino, someone smart me up and tell me what the fuck that was. And I guess they was. I mean what was they detectives or something? Were they undercover cops? I don't remember Starskin Hutch. But you remember that.

[Kristen Austin]

Of course.

[Steve Austin]

Yeah, but I gotta get me one of em dome lights, man. I just reach out there, put the motherfucker on top of the car, start chasing people down, citizens arrest. Or if I'm deputized, give me a pair of handcuffs. Like I'm just thinking me offhand. A lot of these guys out here like the Kimber 1911 model, single action. I'm more of a Glock guy in this kind of situations. I'll be carrying my Glock. I have my badge, I have Cali riding shotgun. If I arrest somebody, I ain't got nowhere to put them. I'm gonna have to get a trailer hitch and put a paddy wagon behind me to put all the criminals in the damn trailer. Either that or zip tie one of them some put him in the hatchback, that motherfucker's gonna be mad as a hornet. And so pull people over.

[Kristen Austin]

You'll be the only deputy with a Corvette.

[Steve Austin]

I'll be the only. I'll be the only cop in town. Although I'm not really cop. I'll be the deputized dude. That's me, the deputized dude with the blue dome light on his Corvette. And here's what I'll do next time I go back to California. Well, I think Nevada. Can you buy a pot in Nevada now?

[Kristen Austin]

Yes, I believe you can.

[Steve Austin]

I'm gonna go buy about. I don't know shit on buy pot. Let me get about 6 ounces. I'll go get a bunch of dope. I'll get about, I don't know, five or six, eight balls of cocaine, some heroin and some black tar heroin. And what other kind of drugs they sniff opiates. I don't think they sniff opiates. I'll get some just for the fuck of it. For my training. So what I'll do, I'll go out there and I'll put the dope in different locations around the yard and I'll teach Callie how to be a drug sniffing dog.

[Kristen Austin]

There you go.

[Steve Austin]

So there I am, you know, she's out there smelling around for all the fucking pot I put out there amongst the trees, underneath the tire, stuff like that. And I give her some treats every time she finds some pot. And then, you know, I've got to teach how to smell sniff for cocaine. So I'll snort a rail and then I'll kind of just put her nose kind of by some though, so she knows what cocaine smells like. And I'll snort another rail so she gets the hang of it.

[Kristen Austin]

I'm sure there's a way that they teach dogs to do this.

[Steve Austin]

I was wondering how they do that because I was just going to do it by example and then. You don't think that's a good idea?

[Kristen Austin]

I don't think it's a good idea.

[Steve Austin]

I just around the cocaine. Maybe just one eight ball for the hell of it though, you know. But that's one of the funnest things. Back when we used to drive back and forth to. From Los Angeles to the Broken Skull Ranch and back. Every time we used to go through Sierra Blanca, just a very famous check station down there in West Texas. Willie Nelson's been popped there. Every damn musician comes through there. Snoop Dogg I think probably got Pop there going through that damn station. Because all dudes is traveling, they love to smoke that dope.

[App Store Narrator]

Yeah.

[Kristen Austin]

But they always have the drug sniffing dogs out there, man.

[Steve Austin]

One time we was driving through there and I had a person, this is back before they were selling it to anybody in California. But you could get it for medicinal reasons and I figured, man, I said, what if I tried something? Because I've been in the wrestling business for shit, damn near my whole life. I've been retired, but I always consider myself kind of still in the business. So I figured, you know what? Instead of drinking, what if I had a joint to smoke? The times I tried to smoke dope, way back in the day, I didn't like it because dope always made me just kind of feel dumb. And when I said something, I'd think, man, does that sound stupid or not? And it just brought me down. So dope never was my thing. I was an alcohol guy. I like whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer. I can go on and on, you know? I can go on and on and on. I was the damn drinking guy. So when I tried to smoke dope, I didn't like it. But I figured, okay, let me try to back off some of the alcohol. And on our camping trip, when Kristen and I pull over, we do our thing. She sets up the inside of the camper. I hook up the electricity, the sewer, the water. I do all the outdoor stuff. So I figure while I'm setting all my shit up, I'll just take a couple tokes off this joint and just kind of have a buzz while I'm setting everything up. And that way I'm not pounding the alcohol down. So I got this one medicinal marijuana cigarette, a joint, if you will, in a prescription bottle container. And it was in the bathroom of our rv. One fucking joint. One skinny joint.

[Kristen Austin]

But it sure smelled a high heaven.

[Steve Austin]

And that motherfucker smelled up the whole goddamn inside of that camper. And all of a sudden, we're coming up on Sierra Blanca, and I'm figuring, oh, shit, they're running those Belgian melos over there.

[Kristen Austin]

I think I wrapped it in towels and stuff.

[Steve Austin]

And those dogs are smelling tires and trucks and license plates and all kind of stuff. And I'm sitting there thinking, boy, I've got that. I got the white knuckle fever going on the damn steering wheel there. I'm thinking, oh, man, here I am, retired from the wrestling business, a global icon and a national treasure, and I'm about to get busted for fucking one joint because I wanted to try out a goddamn marijuana cigarette so I could get away from the boo. We go through there. The dude looks at me, and I look at him. We've been passing through there for 10, 15 years. I've been passing through my whole damn life. They know who we are, and, well, I say hi to them. But on this occasion, since I'm carrying. If you put a joint on a scale, this is one of those freebird joints that Michael Hayes was famous for rolling way back in the day. That weighed about a pound. This was a fucking medical joint.

[Kristen Austin]

Smaller than a pencil.

[Steve Austin]

Smaller than a pencil. Probably weighed about 2 grams. I'm figuring, ah man, we're gonna get. What would that be? It'd be a misdemeanor, but it'd be on my fucking record. The last thing I want to do after all the bullshit I survived in the business of pro wrestling was to get busted with goddamn possession of a fucking control substance. They waved us through. And as they waved us through, I breathed a sigh of relief. My biggest fears were behind me. And so we ended up, I think in Van Horne, Texas that night. We only went a few more miles. About 100 more miles. And we set up the camper and I was out there taking my three hits off my little Polish hit joint. And I got a little buzz and I figured, you know what? I knocked on the camper and Krista stuck her head out. She goes, what? I said, can you make me a fucking martini? This joint ain't worth a shit. So that was my foray into the marijuana world. Ain't my cup of tea, but we will bricks.

[Kristen Austin]

Yeah, we were watching.

[Steve Austin]

That was the strongest smelling joint I ever smelled in my life.

[Kristen Austin]

It was very strong smelling.

[Steve Austin]

Is smoking dope is your thing? Hey, more power to you. Not really something that I get. It is a my cup of tea. I'd rather have a margarita, vodka, Bloody Mary, whatever. Anything but a goddamn joint. But anyway. Shit, Kristen, where can people find you on social media?

[Kristen Austin]

I'm not.

[Steve Austin]

Okay, you can find me at social media eveaustinbsr on Twitter and Instagram. I'm about to load up my targets, my ammunition and my rifle, go out to the shooting range and dial in my gun and get ready for my mule deer hunt. Hopefully this time I won't leave my rifle laying on the table like I did my 7 mag a couple of months ago. The dumbest thing I ever did in my life and I am about to be out in the middle of nowhere. I am talking to Ted Fowler. 361. In about two days we're going to do a podcast. So I'm going to bank up a few of these so I could use your help. If you would help me out, I would love to do a Q and A because it's hard to interview people out here in Nevada because I'm in the middle of nowhere and where we're going hunting way out there in the middle of 034 is definitely in the middle of nowhere.

[Kristen Austin]

You don't even get phone cover.

[Steve Austin]

I let them get cell coverage out there. I might have to go buy me a gimmick Verizon and phone so we get some service out there because I have to borrow the dude's phone to call my wife and you know, you never know if something's going to go wrong so I'd like to have some connectability out there. Somebody get a cheap ass track phone. But if you got any questions about anything, whether it's life, wrestling, bullshit, whatever, send your questions to questionsTevaustinshow.com to help me cover a Tuesday and a Thursday podcasting because I will be out in the middle of the wilderness having the time of my life. My mule deer hunt lasts from November 1st through November 5th, depending on, you know, if I'm fortunate enough to find one, whether I'm out there the whole time or not. Probably leaving on the 31st to get down there. It's a couple hundred mile drive and again I'll be in the middle of nowhere. If you have a question, please send it to me to questionsteveausttshow.com so I can bank up a couple podcast to take care of my ass and keep delivering a can of audio whoop ass for you to listen to every single Tuesday and Thursday. I appreciate all you people that listen to the show. Lots of emails from UK and countries all over the world and obviously many here in the United States of America. So help a brother out. Send me some questions to [e-mail] I'm coming right back to wrap up this show. All right everybody, give me the go home cue. So I'm gonna wrap up this podcast ride off and sunset. Before I do that, I want to thank my illustrious wife Kristen and of course my two dogs Callie and Mula for joining me on today's podcast. I'm about to head to the shooting range and dial in my 300 wind mag and get ready for my upcoming mule deer hunt. Once again, as I said in the podcast, if you have any questions, please send them to questionstevoffsonshow.com to help a brother out while I'm on my hunting trip. Hey man, I got a badass beer for you. I'm going to be real. Long story short on this one broken skull IPA from El Segundo Brewing Company. Stop by 140 Main street and get it Fresh out of the bottle or fresh out of the tap this is the best beer you will lay a lip on as far as the IPAs are concerned. And that's the bottom line. Check it out at Whole Foods and Total Wines if you're in Cali. If you ain't in Cali, you're probably shit out of luck. And if you're looking for a badass pocket knife, which I suggest everyone should carry, I've got two for you from Cold Steel Knives Cold Steel Broken Skull Knife, Cold Steel Working Man's Knife, both at my new Amazon store. Amazon got the best price on both knives. Just go to Amazon.com shop steveaustin or head over to Cold Steel Knives website. Folks, I am on social media, Twitter and Instagram teveaustinbsr. Until next time, my name is Steve Austin and I will catch your ass down the road.

[Podcast Announcer]

This is been a Podcast one production. Download new episodes of the Steve Austin show every [e-mail] that's podcastone.com. This November, action is free on Pluto tv. Go on the run with Jack Reacher.

[Steve Austin]

Every suspect was a train killer.

[Podcast Announcer]

Then buckle up for Drive. World War Z.

[Adam Carolla]

Every human being we saved is one.

[Podcast Announcer]

Less and Charlie's Angels.

[Kay Jeweler's Narrator]

Damn I hate to fly.

[Podcast Announcer]

Launch into Sci Fi Adventure with the fifth Element and laugh through the mayhem in Tropic Thunder.

[Steve Austin]

What is going on here?

[Podcast Announcer]

All the thrills, all for free. Pluto TV Stream now pay Never this holiday.

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