Presenting - We Fix Space Junk

Summary

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The Strata – Presenting: We Fix Space Junk

Host: Mark R. Healy
Featured Fiction: We Fix Space Junk by Beth Crane
Episode Title: "Escape from Hargarn 4" (Season 1, Episode 1)
Date: March 24, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Strata is a showcase of the beloved sci-fi audio drama We Fix Space Junk, which follows the adventures of two unlikely partners – Kilner, a gritty cyborg smuggler, and Samantha, a formerly pampered socialite now a fugitive. Set on the fringes of a galaxy ruled by menacing megacorporations, the show blends sci-fi, dark humor, and social commentary, centering on themes of debt, survival, and unusual friendships. Mark R. Healy introduces the show and presents its first episode, "Escape from Hargarn 4," as a special feature.

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Key Discussion Points & Episode Breakdown

1. Introduction and Recommendation

[00:00 – 01:07]

• Mark R. Healy introduces We Fix Space Junk as a personal favorite and an influential audio drama in his own creative journey.
• Describes the series as a blend of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and Firefly, featuring "great humor, compelling characters, and a cyborg smuggler struggling against an evil megacorporation."
• Commends the central duo, Kilner and Samantha, and highlights the impending season four.
• Quote:

  "Their main aim in life is to survive long enough to reach the next job." – Mark R. Healy [00:33]

2. Premise of "Escape from Hargarn 4"

[01:07 – 01:32]

• The story opens with Samantha Trapp orchestrating an escape from Hargarn 4 prison with help from her fiancé, Fabio.
• Quick characterization: Samantha is witty but out of her depth; Kilner is practical and gruff.

3. The Prison Break & Smuggling Deal

[01:32 – 05:01]

• Samantha and Fabio meet during the escape. Samantha’s initial reluctance and confusion are played for humor.
  • Highlight: Samantha is more concerned with the blood on the floor and her public image than the urgency of her escape.
• News breaks of Samantha’s escape, with the press (and the authorities) quick to vilify her.
• Fabio and Kilner finalize the smuggling deal, negotiating over payment and what constitutes acceptable "luggage."
  • Quote:

    "Think of me as the easyJet of the smuggling business." – Kilner [04:49]

4. Customs Trouble and Cyborg Charisma

[05:01 – 07:04]

• As Kilner preps the ship for departure, a customs officer appears for a "random search."
• Kilner deftly fends off suspicion by relying on her Automnicon corporate status and leveraging cyborg abilities.
  • Throws in several deadpan (and darkly funny) explanations for the suspicious cargo.
  • Quote:

    "They turn them into a nutritious stew. Disgusting. But, well, orphans can’t be choosers, right?" – Kilner [06:17]

• Dax, the shipboard AI, exchanges witty banter with Kilner, illustrating their established familiarity.
  • Quote:

    "Obnoxious little creep who’s about three seconds away from asking to speak to the man of the ship. I guess the closest thing would be you. And you’re a computer." – Kilner [07:12]

5. Samantha and Kilner – An Uneasy Alliance

[08:22 – 10:07]

• After takeoff, Samantha (finally released from hiding) meets Kilner face to face.
• They immediately butt heads: Samantha’s ignorance about "real" life clashes with Kilner’s pragmatic approach.
  • Discussion turns to cyborg prejudice and the events that brought Samantha into this situation.
  • Quote:

    "Little tip for you. If you wonder whether you should ask something, 90% of the time it’s better not to." – Kilner [09:14]

• Kilner explains that her ship is slow and only equipped for cryo-sleep, not warp travel, and that Samantha will have to go into suspended animation.
• Samantha panics about her "social media presence," but Kilner is unmoved.
  • Quote:

    "Think of it as a really long spa. Bit of a digital detox." – Kilner [10:01]

6. Class Tensions and Shared History

[10:07 – 11:47]

• Their conversation uncovers deeper layers: Kilner’s bitterness toward the Trapp family’s impact on Pluto and her own trauma.
  • Samantha asserts her innocence while Kilner is openly skeptical.
• The plot hints at injustices perpetuated by the wealthy elite and sets up personal stakes for both characters.
  • Quote:

    "Where do you think I lost my legs? And I was lucky." – Kilner [11:27]

7. Preparing for Cryo-Sleep & Shipboard AI Humor

[11:48 – 12:24]

• The duo reluctantly prepares for cryo-sleep. Kilner reassures (sort of) Samantha, and Dax the ship AI looks on.
• Dax comments on the situation, showing rare personality for an AI:
  • Quote:

    "I’ll miss you. Back to the Sudoku. Just me and the fridge." – Dax [12:24]

8. Episode Wrap & Teaser

[13:11 – 13:26]

• Fabio provides a tongue-in-cheek "next episode" teaser, highlighting the dangers and mysteries yet to come.
• Credits roll for cast and creative team.

Notable Post-Episode Plot Twist:

After the credits, it's revealed that Samantha’s escape may have been a setup all along – Fabio is colluding with Kilner, hinting at a deeper conspiracy involving the Trapp family and Automnicon.

• Quote:

  "She’ll be dead before she can get to trial." – Fabio [14:03]

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Memorable Moments & Quotes (With Timestamps)

• "Their main aim in life is to survive long enough to reach the next job."
  — Mark R. Healy [00:33]
• "Think of me as the easyJet of the smuggling business."
  — Kilner [04:49]
• "They turn them into a nutritious stew. Disgusting. But, well, orphans can’t be choosers, right?"
  — Kilner [06:17]
• "If you wonder whether you should ask something, 90% of the time it’s better not to."
  — Kilner [09:14]
• "Think of it as a really long spa. Bit of a digital detox."
  — Kilner [10:01]
• "Where do you think I lost my legs? And I was lucky."
  — Kilner [11:27]
• "I’ll miss you. Back to the Sudoku. Just me and the fridge."
  — Dax [12:24]
• "She’ll be dead before she can get to trial."
  — Fabio [14:03]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:00 – 01:07] – Mark R. Healy introduces the featured podcast.
• [01:32 – 02:28] – Samantha’s prison break with Fabio.
• [02:46 – 03:29] – News flash: Samantha’s escape and public perception.
• [03:38 – 05:01] – Smuggling deal negotiations.
• [05:31 – 07:04] – Customs inspection scene.
• [08:22 – 10:07] – Samantha meets Kilner; tension over cryo-sleep.
• [10:07 – 11:47] – Confrontation about family history and innocence.
• [11:48 – 12:24] – Characters enter cryo-sleep; Dax's musings.
• [13:11 – 13:26] – Episode teaser for next week.
• [14:03 – 14:09] – Post-credits, Fabio’s plot twist: possible betrayal.

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Final Thoughts

This episode sets the stage for an inventive, darkly funny, and socially aware sci-fi adventure. Through sharp dialogue and vivid audio world-building, We Fix Space Junk introduces listeners to a universe full of class struggle, corporate power, and survival at the margins. Driven by the dynamic between Kilner's hard edges and Samantha’s privileged naivety, the story promises plenty of twists, humor, and heart.

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Transcript

[Podcast Host]

Hey, listeners, I have another great show to share with you this week. It's called We Fix Space Junk and it follows a seasoned smuggler and a reluctant socialite fugitive as they travel the galaxy dodging bullets and meeting strange and wonderful beings as they carry out odd jobs on the fringes of the lore. We Fix Space Junk as a story about debt, space repairs and friendship. And it features two strong female protagonists, Kilner and Samantha, who are like most people, in over their heads, in debt, but mostly staying afloat. Their main aim in life is to survive long enough to reach the next job. You could consider this one a great blend of Hitchhiker's Guide of the Galaxy and Firefly, which are also a couple of favorites of mine. I've been a fan of Wii Fix Space Junk for a long time now, and in fact it's one of the shows I listened to when I was first putting together my own audio dramas. There's some great humor, compelling characters, and I love the central story where a cyborg smuggler and friends struggle against an evil megacorporation. It's right up my alley. We Fix Space junk started in 2018 and is deservedly considered a classic. And now, finally, we're going to be hearing the long awaited season four on March 23rd. The Can Listen to We Fix Space Junk anywhere you get your podcasts or go to Battlebird Productions. Stay tuned right now to hear the

[Narrator]

first episode, We Fix Space Junk by Beth Crane. Episode 1 Escape from Hagen 4.

[Kilner]

Sam. Psst. Psst.

[Fabio]

Samantha.

[Samantha Trapp]

Go away. I'm not signing any more autographs.

[Fabio]

Sweetheart, it's me. We've only got 10 minutes.

[Samantha Trapp]

Fabio.

[Fabio]

I came back for you. I told you I would. Come on. This way.

[Samantha Trapp]

Is that man okay?

[Fabio]

He's fine. Just step over him.

[Samantha Trapp]

He's bleeding. Rather. Rather a lot. Really, quite a lot. That is quite a lot of blood, Fabio.

[Fabio]

He was like that when I got here. Do you want me to rescue you or not? Come on.

[Kilner]

AUT news, news on the hour every hour.

[News Reporter]

You join me outside the courthouse where the accused, Ms. Samantha Trapp, is due to stand trial. For Ms. Trapp, the last six months have been a rollercoaster. Formerly a member of the social elite with a social media following of millions and a nightlife I think we've all envied at one point or another. Wait, hang on. I'm getting an update. It appears that Ms. Trapp has escaped from the infamous Hargarn 4 prison where she was being held prior to her trial, leaving no four dead guards behind her. She appears to have disabled the alarms and security measures surrounding her cell and fled. She is being reported as armed and extremely dangerous and should not be approached under any circumstances. Any information pertaining to her whereabouts

[Kilner]

Looks awfully suspicious to me.

[Fabio]

Of course it looks suspicious. If it was innocuous, I could move it myself. You're a smuggler. You smuggle things.

[Kilner]

Well, the whole point is the packages look ordinary. This crate just screams fleeing Eris. It's too big and too new and too stylish. Nobody transports cargo in polished tiger wood crates.

[Fabio]

Please, we have no other choice. We're desperate people.

[Kilner]

Desperate people are my favorite kind of client. You've done all the paperwork.

[Fabio]

Yes.

[Kilner]

So that's a third of the payment now, and the other two thirds when we meet you at the Crab Nebula.

[Fabio]

And I'll have had time to prove her innocence by then.

[Kilner]

Sure you will. And the payment's already been set up?

[Samantha Trapp]

Yeah.

[Fabio]

You'll get your money so long as she's safe and sound at the end.

[Kilner]

And you know what happens if you don't pay up.

[Fabio]

I've read the contract. Can we hurry this up? I don't want to get caught by customs at the last minute.

[Kilner]

I'm just checking. I've signed a few contracts in my time. It's good to know what you're letting yourself in for. Jeez, she's heavy for a socialite.

[Fabio]

She's in the other crate.

[Kilner]

And this is luggage.

[Fabio]

Obviously. Just the basics.

[Kilner]

I'm not taking it. You've paid for one person. I fueled up and stocked up for one person. Not a crate full of. I'm not even sure what half this stuff is.

[Fabio]

Well, you're not living the haute couture lifestyle we're paying you. Well, extremely well.

[Kilner]

I have a lot of subsidiary costs.

[Fabio]

Like what?

[Kilner]

I'm taking one person and one small suitcase. Think of me as the easyjet of the smuggling business.

[Fabio]

We don't do budget.

[Kilner]

Think of it as minimalist.

[Fabio]

She's not gonna be happy.

[Kilner]

She'll live. Unlike the guards she killed on the way out. Okay, now clear off.

[Fabio]

Goodbye, my love. For you, it'll feel mere seconds, but for me, it will be an eternity. I cannot wait.

[Kilner]

Yeah, I'm. I'm closing the doors now.

[Fabio]

I love you, my angel.

[Kilner]

Bruce. The things I have to do for this job. This is customs. Sorry, I'm just leaving. I'm in a real hurry. Dax, can you do something?

[Dax (Ship Computer)]

Like what?

[Customs Officer]

Could you please open the door?

[Kilner]

Mom?

[Customs Officer]

Mom.

[Kilner]

Must be serious.

[Customs Officer]

Good afternoon. We're checking all outgoing cargo ships for suspicious packages due to the high level of smuggling in the area. We're conducting a random search.

[Kilner]

Right.

[Customs Officer]

And I thought it was a little strange, a woman traveling all on her own in a big ship like this. Did you pack your cargo yourself, marm?

[Kilner]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

Really?

[Customs Officer]

How did you manage that? Those crates are rather large. Are you sure you didn't.

[Kilner]

Well, thank the wonders of cyborg technology.

[Customs Officer]

I see. So what's in that?

[Kilner]

I believe that. Yes. That's army boots. Ex army boots. For the orphans.

[Customs Officer]

For the orphans?

[Kilner]

They turn them into a nutritious stew. Disgusting. But, well, orphans can't be choosers, right?

[Customs Officer]

I'll give them the once over, just in case. Oh, old army dudes picked them up

[Kilner]

on the way over here. Just, you know, Automnicon doing its bit for the less fortunate.

[Customs Officer]

You're from Automnicon?

[Kilner]

You didn't see the sticker on my windscreen?

[Customs Officer]

No, no, no, I didn't. I'm so sorry.

[Kilner]

I guess my ship is a little dirty. I suppose you couldn't see it. I'm so sorry. I'm so untidy for a woman.

[Customs Officer]

I guess it can happen to anyone, right? Anyone at all. It's a harmless mistake.

[Kilner]

Yeah. You have a nice day now.

[Customs Officer]

I. I can go?

[Kilner]

Go on.

[Dax (Ship Computer)]

Well, that was a little cruel.

[Kilner]

Obnoxious little creep who's about three seconds away from asking to speak to the man of the ship. I guess the closest thing would be you. And you're a computer. Oh, come on. Pile of junk.

[Dax (Ship Computer)]

Hey, less of that. I don't take it out on you when you park badly.

[Kilner]

Sorry.

[Dax (Ship Computer)]

There we go. I'll get a nano service while you're in cryo. It'll give me something to do in the long, lonely months.

[Kilner]

I can't stay awake just to keep you company while you barrel through space stacks. You're a computer. You're not supposed to get lonely.

[Dax (Ship Computer)]

Can you at least renew your Netflix account? It expired four months ago and I nearly went mad with boredom. Full?

[Fabio]

How?

[Dax (Ship Computer)]

I don't know why they don't just give us warp drives.

[Kilner]

You know why? Our time's worth nothing to them. This is Yellow Submarine. Repeat, Yellow Submarine. We cleared for takeoff. Yellow Submarine, this is Kilo, Romeo, Yankee, Sierra, Niner. Thanks, pal. Sub out.

[Samantha Trapp]

You going to let me out?

[Kilner]

Come on. Oh, you must be Samantha.

[Samantha Trapp]

Yes, I'm. What happened to your face?

[Kilner]

What happened to yours? What? That nose is natural. Is it?

[Samantha Trapp]

Well, no, but it's like you've got like. Sorry. I've never actually met a full on one of you before. I mean, I've got a friend with a robot hand. But I think it's ironic.

[Kilner]

You can say it. It's not a dirty word.

[Samantha Trapp]

You're a. Sorry, I mean, I'm jest.

[Kilner]

I'm a cyborg. There you go.

[Samantha Trapp]

But, like, can I ask you what actually happened?

[Kilner]

Some things.

[Samantha Trapp]

Like what?

[Kilner]

Mining accident? Industrial accident, Radiation? Crocodile. Etc. Etc. I can go on. Oh, you've gone all pale. Little tip for you. If you wonder whether you should ask something, 90% of the time it's better not to.

[Samantha Trapp]

So what do you call this place?

[Kilner]

Put that down. This is the Yellow Submarine.

[Samantha Trapp]

Why is it called that?

[Kilner]

No idea. It was secondhand. And changing the name was a hassle.

[Samantha Trapp]

Right.

[Kilner]

You've not been cryoed before, have you? Excuse me? Cryoed. Put in suspended animation.

[Samantha Trapp]

I know what it means, but nobody cryos anymore.

[Kilner]

Well, you're in for a treat then. Hope you like spending the next six months on your own with no food.

[Samantha Trapp]

Look, we're not going to get on and that's fine. But my fiance is paying you a lot of money to take me to the Crab Nebula. So power up your warp drive and get going.

[Kilner]

You think I'm joking?

[Samantha Trapp]

I can't spend six months in a tank. What about my social media presence?

[Kilner]

Think of it as a really long spa. Bit of a digital detox.

[Samantha Trapp]

What was that?

[Kilner]

That's Daxon, the shipboard computer. Say hi.

[Samantha Trapp]

Hello.

[Kilner]

Yes, hello. He prefers to be called Dax. Be nice. He's controlling your cryo settings. Look, Samantha, they're checking every warp ready ship. Not checking like that guy from customs just now. I mean tearing them apart looking for you. We were lucky just now, but Automnicon isn't always as scary a name as it should be. The one place they aren't checking are the freezer ships. Because they assume you won't go cryo class, right? You killed four guards on your way out. I doubt you'll last that long if you go back.

[Customs Officer]

Pardon?

[Kilner]

It's a really easy way to vanish for six months. Just floating slowly through space, frozen in time. I do it all the time. It's like a long sleep or a short death.

[Samantha Trapp]

Well, that's comforting.

[Kilner]

Did you do it, by the way?

[Samantha Trapp]

No, I didn't. I've been framed.

[Kilner]

So why were you so afraid to stand trial?

[Samantha Trapp]

I was ready to stand trial.

[Kilner]

Seems like you went to a lot of trouble to avoid it. Makes you seem less than innocent.

[Samantha Trapp]

As I said in the press conference, myself and my family are entirely innocent of any wrongdoing whatsoever. We are merely a Thin and frothy.

[Kilner]

What? I grew up on Pluto.

[Samantha Trapp]

Then you of all people should know my family have been a boon to Pluto. Our partnership with.

[Kilner]

Where do you think I lost my legs? And I was lucky.

[Samantha Trapp]

If you're going to be like that, why did you bother picking me up?

[Kilner]

I need the money. And I haven't been back to Pluto in a few decades. You're what, 20? It's not your fault. Your family. You're a bunch of murderers.

[Samantha Trapp]

Wait, how old are you?

[News Reporter]

Hmm.

[Kilner]

Cryo has its advantages. Anyway, I have bigger problems than that.

[Samantha Trapp]

Like what?

[Kilner]

It's getting late. We better get in the tanks.

[Samantha Trapp]

So what do I do?

[Kilner]

Just get in. Dax will do the rest. Ah. Oh, and don't worry if you feel like you're drowning, that's perfectly normal.

[Samantha Trapp]

Wait, what?

[Dax (Ship Computer)]

She's interesting.

[Kilner]

She's all right. We've only got to spend a couple of days with her, and then I can get my debt paid off and we can get a better ship with no ghosts and a warp drive.

[Dax (Ship Computer)]

Oh. I'll look at some secondhand models, put some feelers out.

[Kilner]

Thanks. See you in six months. Dax.

[Dax (Ship Computer)]

I'll miss you. Back to the Sudoku. Just me and the fridge. Well, that was unsettling. Did you hear that? Fridge? Of course you didn't. You're a fridge.

[Fabio]

With six months of cryo ahead of them. What's waiting in the future for Kilner and Samantha? What sinister being is lurking in the hull of the yellow submarine? And will Dax ever finish his sudoku? On next week's episode of We Fix Space Junk.

[Narrator]

In that episode of We Fix Space Junk, Samantha Trapp was played by Rebecca Evans. Kilna was played by Beth Crane. Dax was played by Jack Carmichael, and Fabio was played by Chris Montague. All other parts were played by the cast, along with Erin Simmons, Rosie, Alice, Crystal Hewitt, and Headley Nights. The program was written by Beth Crane and produced by Headley Nights for Battlebird Productions.

[Fabio]

It's done. It's done. She'll be dead before she can get to trial.

[Kilner]

Thank you, Fabio.

[Fabio]

It's a shame I'll never have you as a son in law. Just doing my bit for the company, sir.

[Narrator]

Rate Review. Subscribe, consume, integrate, indoctrinate, assimilate, degenerate. And watch your body decay into a faceless husk as your mind floats aimlessly in space. Register your interest with Automnicon.

[Kilner]

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[Ryan Reynolds]

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[Kilner]

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