← The Thais Gibson Podcast
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Most dismissive avoidance. Do not leave relationships with some big dramatic breakup. They leave by quietly detaching first. And if you see these three major patterns, you're probably not overthinking. You're probably starting to track the exit ramps that are coming. So in the next few minutes, you are going to learn in today's video the three biggest. I am about to leave signals, the real underlying fear driving them, and what to say or how to respond in a way that a securely attached person would so that you can show up in the best way for yourself. It'll allows you to protect your nervous system, your own healing, and your boundaries. Hello and welcome. If you're new to this channel, my name is Thais Gibson. I'm the founder of Gibson Integrated Attachment Theory, the proven method for how to leverage neuroplasticity and your subconscious mind to truly heal your patterns and change your attachment style so that you can build the best relationships of your life, starting with the one with yourself. So let's dive into today's topic. Here is the first major sign that a dismissible boy may be about to leave and not return. And this is that they stop making bids for connection. This doesn't mean that they text less and just forget plans sometimes. It means that they literally stop asking questions about your inner world. They are not trying to really initiate texting at all. They're not really initiating hanging out with you or making plans with you. In fact, not only are you the one doing it almost all of the time, but a lot of the times they aren't even responding. And you'll see a really dramatic drop off. And here's a really important thing to recognize sometimes dismissive avoidance. When they feel burnt out or overwhelmed, they retreat. But if they're invested in a relationship, they'll retreat for a little bit and then come back again. But if a dismissive avoidant is literally on their way out, they'll just be slowly retreating. And you can see day over day, week over week, that retreating seems to be growing. And there's no bouncing back from that. There's no, oh, they pulled away for a few days. They were busy. We only talked a little bit over the few days we didn't, you know, spend as much time in person over that few day period. No, no, no. It will be like you're seeing and less. They're talking to you less and less. And it's starting to feel like they're sort of fading away. And that's a sign that there could be something bigger really taking place. You May also see even those bids when you do spend time with that person in person, it's almost like they're physically there, but they're emotionally not available at all, not present at all. And those attempts to repair the relationship or grow closer that you may be trying to put out from your end are literally met with almost nothing. And you know, these are really painful things to be on the receiving end of. And securely attached people in these types of scenarios, here's what they do. Okay, before we get into the other two core signs, securely attached people, when they see these things, they address it head on. They say, look, I'm feeling disconnected. I'm feeling that there's this pulling away that's not making me feel good right now. Can we work on this? Can we try to make sure that we invest in the relationship again, like what's going on here? And they will literally address it head on. And that allows them to either have resolution and to communicate and healthy way without resentment or panic, or it helps them see early that, look, this person's not the right person for me because they're literally not willing to invest in and show up for this connection. And so it helps them get right within themselves by vetting for and watching how their dismissive avoidant partner might respond to that and recognizing like, okay, well, I am worthy of a relationship with somebody who is willing to invest. And if this person isn't trying irrespective of whatever attachment style they are, then that's simply not fair for me. And so they're willing to go through the grief and a little bit of the heartache to leave the wrong relationships if they're not dating somebody who's able to show up. Now let's go to point number two. This is another really big sign that somebody's leaving and not really going to come back. They start being in a position where they actually say things about flaws that they find or reasons the relationship won't work. And you can actually hear them trying to not just convince themselves, but convince you that things are going wrong. They may say that your needs are pressure or too needy. They may emphasize their independence and privacy even more than usual and even feel irritated by requests for emotional closeness like check ins or affection or future talk. They will be even less touchy feely and pull away even more in this kind of relationship dynamic. And that's because when they're really feeling like they need to go take themselves back and exit a relationship dynamic, the idea of more intimacy and more closeness feels like the loss of that self that they're trying to preserve. And so they literally preemptively create separation in all of these different ways. And how a secure person responds to this is they end up showing up and say, look, I respect that you need space sometimes, but I also need a sense of predictability or certainty. If we're taking space, what does that look like? How long do you need space for? Are we actually going to be working to get things back on track? They will vocalize again. You'll see the same theme. In a way, they're vocalizing their opinions and their needs to their partner. And they're not just doing that hoping that their partner is going to bend over backwards and change everything. They're literally trying to see how their partner going to respond, because that will then allow them to determine how they should in turn respond accordingly. We'll get to point number three here in just a second, but I actually want to share with you a little bit of a neuroscience study about why does missive avoidance tend to detach before they leave? And research has actually shown that higher attachment avoidance, so people who lean more avoidant in the attachment continuum, if you will, can actually be linked to a lower reward system activation in the brain when it comes to supportive feedback, meaning closeness and affection, and positive communication between people actually register as being less rewarding to a dismissive avoidant than other attachment styles. And criticism or negativity in a relationship actually creates a greater need for deactivation. So basically, dismissive avoidants get less positives from relationships from a neuroscience perspective, and they often feel a little more negatively in relationships when something goes wrong, plus feel a greater need to pull away if that negativity does come to the forefront. And so you'll start to see a lot of where this is showing up if somebody's really pulling away. I have a free gift for you that we're doing just for a limited time. It is a course all about nervous system regulation and somatic processing of emotions that will help you feel secure, safe and connected to yourself. It's one of our six major pillars of healing your attachment style. And it's literally for free with our seven day free trial, access to the personal development school, and you can check it out down below. The last major sign that you'll see is that a dismissive avoidant begins to build an exit narrative. And what you'll see here is an exit narrative is them starting to say the things like this isn't working yet. Don't really provide any solutions or suggestions to try to make it work, they seem like they're mentally elsewhere, even though everything seems to sort of be fine between the two of you on paper. And they may become extra emotionally flat in the relationship, not really expressing their feelings or their inner world. And when you try to ask them questions, you'll feel like their walls are back up almost to the beginning of the time that you were starting to get to know them. And all of these signs are that they are actually trying to protect themselves and preserve themselves when they're feeling like things aren't going well. Because a big way dismissive avoidants tend to deal with things or cope is to put their walls up in advance as a form of self control and self regulation. And so if you see a lot of these things, it's really important that you follow what a securely attached person would do here, which in this case for point number three is to address these things directly. You'll see this theme exists across the boards to call them out, to talk about them in healthy ways because there's a chance that things can go back on track and that the person's just not as aware of their own behavior and realizes they do want to do the work and invest. But you also want to really early if somebody doesn't, because it allows you to preemptively get closure. And also not seeing this gray area of trying to single handedly be the only one to work on this relationship forever if this person isn't also willing to try. I hope that makes sense and that that was helpful for you today. I hope you like share and subscribe to this channel so you don't miss any of our daily giveaways or different shares that I have on here, as well as all of this content about healing your attachment style and rewiring your subconscious.