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Being a fearful, avoidant attachment style is kind of exhausting. And in today's video, we're going to break down five hard truths that most people don't talk about. But most importantly, I'll tell you what you can do to overcome some of these challenges and situations at the end of this video too. So first, hard truth that I think is so important to recognize and just the impact is that you deeply want closeness. I think fearful avoidance are wired for depth. They don't do superficiality well. They really want this really strong, strong depth of connection. But at the same time, closeness terrifies you. And that basically puts you on this trajectory to feeling like you're in a blender all the time when it comes to love and relationships, because you're gonna want something and yearn for it and try to foster this deep connection. But deep down, secretly, you usually feel like the more connected I am and the more vulnerable I am to somebody, the more they are just gonna inevitably hurt me. Because at the end of the day, a lot of your conditioning has shown you that love is hurtful at times and painful. And so you end up into this, you know, actual blender of going around and around in cycles of like trying to get closer and then run, wanting to run away. And just being in that space as a whole is honestly exhausting. It's frustrating, it's overwhelming. It makes you just want to pinball back and forth all the time and your head spinning at all times. And I want to let you know that one of the best ways, and we'll go through like a point that you can know in terms of your healing after each of these five hard truths, one of the best ways that you can really change and heal this is to learn to rewire your core wounds. So deep down, you, because of your conditioning, whether it was past relationships, whether it was your childhood, came to believe that, you know, love equals you're trapped, or love equals you're controlled or you're helpless, or love equals you're going to be abandoned or betrayed. We have these actual core beliefs because of our conditioned experiences about love. And you know, as long as those things are still living in our subconscious mind, they will affect every other part of us. They'll affect our nervous system, our body, our ability to self soothe and regulate. They'll affect our behaviors, and you can actually rewire those things. And it's not even that hard to do, but that's one way out that will really create a lot of emotional freedom. We talk about rewiring a lot on this channel, by the way. And we have a course if you want to check out a course for free on it. It's called the Emotional Mastery and Belief Reprogramming course. It's the neuroscience of rewiring your triggers. Number two, you are both anxious and avoidant. Okay? So fearful avoidance are not simply just a mix of anxious and dismissive. They have their own unique characteristics. But you really do have an anxious side and an avoidant side. And so it's like you chase love, you want this connection, but then you push it away. And so unfortunately you'll have those fears and those triggers that an anxious person carries. So the fear of being abandoned, not good enough, alone, rejected. But you'll also have the trapped, engulfed, helpless, powerless, defective or weak if I open up too much or I too vulnerable. So you'll feel yourself pulled between these two sides and the triggers of both. And then you have your unique triggers. You know, the wounds around feeling betrayed, unworthy and sometimes unsafe and usually fearful. Avoidance will be like, I don't feel unworthy or unsafe, but you know, you have a core wound when you look at your actions, okay? And you know your actions will show you that you're always trying to prove your worth. You know, often that you're very reactive, which actually comes from a place of unsafety. If you have a lot of strong fight, flight, freeze and fawn responses, that's because there's first this perception that trends towards seeing things as being really unsafe when they happen that then catalyzes this strong response into fight or into flight or into freeze or into fawn and this people pleasing mode. And so you know, you'll see those things in your behavior even if you don't necessarily notice them in terms of how you're emotionally experiencing things. Number three, a lot of times fearful avoidance, because they have a subconscious comfort zone of caretaking, they often end up in one way, relationships. So a lot of times you may find yourself in a position where you over give and you under receive. And honestly, you kind of do this to prove your worth and to earn your worth. Because deep down, if you have a deep core wound around unworthiness, you're going to feel not worthy of love for who you are and how you are. And so you know, that puts you in this really interesting predicament where then you overcompensate, but then you can burn yourself out. And because fearful avoidance, and this brings me to number four, also end up not wanting to be vulnerable and communicate their needs, you have one trajectory at that point. You have one path forward. It's like if you're over giving and trying to earn your worth all the time, but then you're not sharing what you need and what makes you feel connected, well then of course you're going to end up in one way, relationships. Right? So those two things really go hand in hand. And your way out of this is to learn what my needs actually are as a person in relationships. Let me have those conversations with people, let me start practicing taking up space, even through like micro versions of vulnerability where you're just being slightly more vulnerable day to day over time. And as you do that, you can actually get into reciprocity where you're giving and you're receiving. And when you rewire your core wounds like we talked about, then all of a sudden you don't feel so afraid of vulnerability, so afraid of taking up space, so afraid of being abandoned. And so you'll feel like you can step more into your authentic self. And that's where these things start to really go hand in hand. Okay. And again, I will say like if you want to do a much deeper dive into that course, I still have one more important thing to tell you here for number five, hard truth. But that course will help so much with just rewiring those wounds. And again, you can check it out for free. It actually comes with, for a limited time, a free access for life to our codependency course as well, which will also be very helpful in terms of healing fearful avoidant attachment. But those two things together can really help rewire these wounds. These fears help you step more into like being comfortable to take up space, not feeling so triggered in relationships. It's just such an important part of healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, period. But number five, a really big one is that you probably betray yourself more than you realize. Fearful avoidance, have trust wounds. But like you also will find yourself saying yes when you mean no, or not standing up for a boundary that you actually do need to have, or putting your feelings last or on the back burner. And all of these things are actual subtle forms of self betrayal that then cause you to end up. Even if you're over committing to things where you, you say yes, that you're going to hang out at this event, that you really don't want to go to. All of these types of small behaviors over time they really add up. And the more that you enter into a space of betraying and denying yourself consistently across time, the more you're eventually going to be in a space where it shatters your self trust or it kind of keeps it fragmented. And so part of you relearning your boundaries, how to honor your boundaries and your truth, you know, will actually allow you to then trust yourself more to look out for yourself, to have your own back, to support yourself in your healing journey. And those things are gonna be a really important part of also becoming securely attached. So I hope this is helpful for you not just in terms of the hard truths but also how you can navigate them and empower yourself to grow and heal. Because life doesn't have to be like this. I was a fearful avoidant. I know I've done the work and honestly on the other side of it, there's so much freedom and connection and depth without having to be afraid. And I just want you to know that that's, that's possible for you too. So thanks for watching. Thanks for stopping by. If you enjoyed this video today, please, like share and subscribe to this channel and I'll see you next time.