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Have you ever been in a relationship with a fearful avoidant and found that everything was going really well and then suddenly they pull away and seem to really lose the spark or go missing kind of out of the blue and don't really feel inclined to come back? Or if you are a fearful avoidant, have you ever had the experience of being really interested in somebody and then something happens and it's almost like you just go cold? It's almost like something and you shuts down, shuts off and it's hard to even consider continuing the relationship, yet it happens seemingly all of a sudden. In this video, I'm going to take you through five key reasons. Fearful avoidance, attraction in relationships, and what you can do to be proactive to prevent this from happening. Especially if it's in a good relationship or something that's healthy and going well and you are a fearful avoidant. So the very first reason fearful avoidance can lose attraction is if their trust is actually broken. Now obviously there can be little things like somebody might tell a white lie or things like that, but I mean, if trust itself is broken, it's not like a portion of trust was chipped away at momentarily. But broken trust will often cause a fearful avoidant to go absolutely cold. Almost no coming back from to certain degrees with certain fearful avoidance, this can be like over something large. This can be over something where there's cheating or infidelity or some sort of finding out that there's this big lie that been being told for quite some time, or if there's just something that's been kept from you that really was important for you to know, to hear, to understand. Anything like that can cause if you're avoiding to really shut down and actually have a hard time not just wanting to open back up, but being motivated to open back up. Like feeling like it's hard to sort of turn that attraction or connection back on, but also feeling like, well, I don't want to, so why should I even bother? A second big dynamic that causes fearful avoidance to lose attraction is that if somebody's like really anxiously attached to them and somebody's accidentally violating their own boundaries, they don't have a sense of self. Especially as. As the attachment between the fearful avoidant and another attachment style sort of connects deep more deeply or bonds more deeply together. Sometimes what you'll see is fearful avoidance and they feel like their boundaries are crossed or they're not being seen or they're not being understood. Their need for independence and freedom and autonomy are not really making it across to the Other person that they're in a relationship with or that they're dating. Sometimes you'll see fearful avoidance really lose attraction in that sense. And it's not just that the fearful avoidance starts leaning dismissive. Somebody can start leaning in their more da side as a fearful avoidant without actually losing attraction on a more permanent basis. But if this is repetitive enough and if fearful avoidants start to feel overwhelmed, because fearful avoidants do tend to sort of enjoy a bit of a challenge in the beginning of relationships as well, all of these things can lead to a lack of novelty, a lack of challenge, Feeling like their boundaries are crossed, feeling like they're unseen, unheard, misunderstood. And all of these things together for an FA can really sort of coalesce and make them feel like, okay, this just isn't for me. I'm just not interested and really shut off. Number three is when a fearful avoidant feel like there feels like there's a lot of expectations on them. If somebody. If a fearful avoidance pouring into somebody and they're really trying, they're really showing up, they're really making an effort in the relationship. And then somebody seems to just keep expecting more of them, especially in the dating stage, this can cause a fearful void to shut down completely because they don't like to feel like fearful ones already put such strong expectations on themselves. Part of it's their shadow, right? Because part of it's like, oh my goodness, I'm already trying so hard and doing so much. How could you ever expect anything more from me? And it can lead to disappointment, frustration, but really just feeling like this isn't reasonable and I need to keep you away to sort of keep my sense of self safe. And this can really put out that flame of attraction and chemistry early on in a relationship with a fearful avoidant. If you are somebody who wants to do a much deeper dive into understanding intimacy as a whole between different attachment styles, you can actually dive in and check out for free and keep for life. It's literally a gift right now, a giveaway. The attachment style is an intimacy course, and it covers like, what makes people feel emotionally close, physically close in regards to intimacy and sex, but also just like the different types of intimacy and what the needs are of each attachment style, what the fears are, what the things that will push people away are, what the boundaries are, both their unhealthy and healthy patterns, how to plant the healthy ones and make sure you overcome the unhealthy ones for you, or wanting to know some this about somebody else. And again, you can Check that out. Using the link down below fully for free, you keep it for life. So it's a gift, it's a giveaway. We're just doing this for a limited time, but it's down there below. The next big one that can really cause a fearful avoidance to feel like they lose attraction is if they feel trapped. So if they feel like somebody's putting a lot of pressure on them, making demands, pushing things along before the fearful avoidance is ready, violating their boundaries, any of those dynamics will cause the fearful avoidant to just feel like they need to flee. And what's important to recognize is that fearful avoidants have quite a strong flight response as part of a coping mechanism. Right. Every time we've got a fight response or a flight response, anything that's magnified, a lot of times it's magnified because this is the way we learned to cope when we were. You're exposed to trauma at a young age. So for a fearful avoidance, they can have a really strong flight response and if they start feeling trapped, it can cause them to just run a million miles an hour in the other direction. So it's really important to pay attention to. And number five, this is really important if you are the fearful avoidant is that a fearful avoidance are not speaking up for their own needs. And eventually because they're pouring into somebody else or trying really hard, they feel like it's a one sided relationship eventually. Fearful avoidance tend to pull away from one sided relationships and really just feel burned out by them and exhausted and want to move in other directions. And for fearful avoidance specifically, this is your work to do. Like if you see yourself doing this and if this is a pattern for you where you may sabotage relationships or feel like you need to, you know, move away suddenly out of the blue, what's actually happening is usually you've got unmet needs for a long enough period of time. At the subconscious level, it eventually reaches a tipping point. And at that tipping point you just sort of shut down and feel like, okay, this is enough, I've had enough. And sometimes I even know that fearful avoidance had many conversations. With that phase over. The will wait, we'll try to wait until it reaches that tipping point because they know that they'll leave and sometimes they feel guilty leaving relationships before that point. But if you find yourself on that path, your job is to start speaking up. Your job is to start getting into the habit. Um, even if it's not the relationship you want to be in now, at least for future relationships, to speak up, to share your needs to advocate for yourself to allow yourself to take up space because what happens is when you don't do those things, you're on a path towards eventually feeling like somebody's burning you out. You're also on a path towards feeling like you're unseen or you don't matter when in fact a lot of the roots of the problem are actually that people don't know the information that they need to know because you're not sharing it to make you feel like you matter to make you feel like you're seen. So sometimes if there's needs that are unmet for long periods of time that can cause if you're wanting to shut down and really lose that attraction and that wanting to be in the relationship. But there's also something you can really solve for as an fa. That's it for today. Thank you for watching. Please subscribe to this channel if you're enjoying it. I would so appreciate it and I will see you in the next video.