5 Signs A Dismissive Avoidant Is Leaving for Good (& What to Do) - The Thais Gibson Podcast

Podcast Summary: The Thais Gibson Podcast
Episode: 5 Signs A Dismissive Avoidant Is Leaving for Good (& What to Do)
Date: April 10, 2026
Host: Thais Gibson

Episode Overview

In this episode, Thais Gibson breaks down the five key signs indicating a dismissive avoidant (DA) partner may be on the verge of leaving a relationship for good. Thais emphasizes recognizing these signs, honoring your boundaries, and responding in a healthy, self-respecting manner. The episode offers actionable advice on how to communicate and care for yourself if you’re in a relationship with a DA showing these patterns.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pattern of Disappearing Communication

[00:00-03:33]

Main Sign: The DA begins to go "missing" in texts, phone calls, or in-person contact, and this behavior becomes a pattern rather than a one-off occurrence.
Healthy Expectation: In committed relationships, daily check-ins or acknowledgment are typical.
What’s Unhealthy: If they disappear for two or three days regularly, with no communication or explanation, and this becomes the new normal, it’s a significant warning sign.
Self-Reflection: Thais encourages listeners to assess how this makes them feel and to address their needs. "There has to be some form of healthy communication and consistency in a relationship for it to work." — Thais Gibson [02:45]

2. Unwillingness to Discuss Challenges

[03:33-06:00]

Main Sign: The dismissive avoidant completely avoids or shuts down when confronted with even mildly challenging conversations or emotional needs.
Nature of DAs: Sensitive to criticism, likely to withdraw if they feel attacked.
Healthy Communication: Expressing needs respectfully is essential. If there’s no willingness to meet halfway or to validate your needs, this can signal an imminent breakup.
Quote: "If there’s just no effort or energy or willingness to talk about the topic and it’s just a shutting down, it’s not a good sign." — Thais Gibson [05:23]

3. Canceling Plans More Than Following Through

[06:01-09:10]

Main Sign: They start canceling more plans than they keep and show little effort to make new ones.
Self-Examination: Thais prompts listeners to question why they remain in a relationship where their emotional needs aren’t met, suggesting possible core wounds like fear of being alone or feeling unworthy.
Practical Step: Consider subconscious reprogramming if fears or old patterns are keeping you stuck.

4. Closed, Minimal Communication

[09:30-12:15]

Main Sign: The DA responds with consistently brief or closed answers when engaged, such as, "Yeah, it was fine," with no elaboration or attempt to reciprocate in conversation.
Differentiation: It’s normal if a DA is briefly withdrawn when stressed; the real issue is if this becomes constant.
Underlying Causes: Could stem from fear, hurt, or an overall lack of readiness for intimacy.
Advice for DAs: Thais recommends healing subconscious wounds and learning how to communicate needs to achieve healthy relationships. "You can still have your freedom and independence while having a health committed relationship where you can show up at the same time." — Thais Gibson [11:25]

5. Lack of Vulnerability and Personal Sharing

[12:15-13:35]

Main Sign: The DA refuses to share personal details, remains emotionally closed off, and shows no willingness to open up at all, even as the relationship progresses.
Healthy Progression: Vulnerability and deepening mutual understanding should increase over time.
Final Takeaway: If there’s a total absence of vulnerability, the DA may not be ready for a deeper or ongoing relationship.

Notable Quotes & Moments

"There has to be some kind of healthy communication and consistency in a relationship for it to work."
— Thais Gibson [02:45]
"If there’s just no effort or energy or willingness to talk about the topic and it’s just a shutting down, it’s not a good sign... a really strong sign that dismissive avoidance [is] really withdrawing from the relationship and is on the way out."
— Thais Gibson [05:23]
"You have to be like, hey, what in me is still staying, right? ...Maybe those are things I should reprogram at my subconscious level of mind."
— Thais Gibson [07:55]
"You can still have your freedom and independence while having a healthy, committed relationship where you can show up at the same time."
— Thais Gibson [11:25]

Timestamps for Key Segments

00:00 – 03:33: The DA goes missing in communication — new patterns of withdrawal.
03:33 – 06:00: Avoidance of discussion around relationship challenges.
06:01 – 09:10: Chronic plan canceling; self-reflection about why you stay.
09:30 – 12:15: Minimal, closed off conversations signal deepening disconnection.
12:15 – 13:35: Lack of vulnerability and refusal to share personal aspects.

Tone & Takeaways

Thais speaks with clarity, empathy, and a validating tone, normalizing both the struggles of those dating dismissive avoidants and those with DA attachment themselves. The episode encourages self-reflection, healthy boundary-setting, and openness to healing—emphasizing that these patterns are about readiness, not personal failure.

Final Advice:
If you recognize these patterns consistently, it's often a sign the relationship is ending. Honor your needs and boundaries, communicate clearly, and consider stepping away if your well-being is compromised. If you identify as a dismissive avoidant, this is an invitation to work on healing and communication so fulfilling relationships become possible.

For further resources or questions, listeners are encouraged to engage in the comments or check out Thais’s courses and community offerings.

Transcript

A (0:00)

Have you ever wondered if there are actually telltale signs that a dismissive avoidant is about to leave a relationship and not return? Well, the answer to this question is that yes, there do tend to be. And in today's video, I'm going to break down five telltale signs that this may be around the corner so that you know how to best respond to this type of scenario, how to communicate, how to show up and make sure that you are honoring yourself, your boundaries, and your truth throughout this entire process. So the first sign is that the dismissive avoidant goes missing in texts, but that that becomes a pattern. So it's common for dismissive avoidance when they feel overwhelmed, when they feel like there's a big change in their life, when a lot of stuff is going on for them to kind of go underwater for a few days. But as a general rule, the normalcy of that as a dismissive avoidant is that that becomes a very sporadic and impermanent way of communicating. So let's say, for example, you're a few months into dating somebody, or even a few years, and all of a sudden they kind of go missing, right? And they kind of go missing for like two, three days. And you know, as a general rule especially, I think as we get further into relationships, it's fairly healthy to expect that there's some form of communication. Six, if not seven days a week. Especially in more committed romantic relationships. Generally it's okay. Even just a quick text every day. It's quite the standard to have constant communication in a healthy way throughout the course of relationships. But I'm saying, like, the dismissive one goes missing for three days, and it's not a one off and it' not a, hey, I'm having a really hard time. I just need some space for a couple days to focus on myself and get through the next couple days, and I'm going to be back online soon. It's that going missing for two, three days at a time becomes a normal pattern in a relationship. Okay. And when we get to that point, even if that's like the DA in, you know, not the best version of themselves, they're struggling. It's also important, if you're on the receiving end of that, to evaluate, like, how do you feel when that happens. Right. And are you okay with that? If not, you should communicate about it, see your needs through, and if it doesn't change, consider trying to end the relationship. Right. If it's just really not working, because there has to be sort of some kind of healthy communication and consistency in a relationship for it to work. So again, this isn't me saying like dismissive avoidance are bad or anything like that, but sometimes, you know, people are ready to invest in relationship and sometimes people are not. And if there's this sort of constant norm of going underwater for a few days at a time, then that should be reevaluated. And, and here's the other thing too, by the way. Like, if this is like two months into dating, that's a different topic. If this is like, once there's a committed monogamous relationship, that's a big thing, okay? So number one, it goes missing in text messages. And that's the norm. Goes missing in text messages, phone calls, you don't see the person. And that's the new normal, okay? That's happening every week, every other week. You know, it's happening all the time in the relationship. Number two, the dismissive avoidant isn't willing to put in the work and discuss challenging topics. And I'm saying, like, when you discuss slightly challenging topics, so you say, hey, I feel hurt, I feel affected, I feel upset about something. I feel, you know, these things are coming up if they're not willing to meet you halfway, okay, now it's important that we're communicating in a healthy way. Obviously, if we're saying, you never do this, you always do that, like that's going to make anybody shut down and dismiss. Avoidance tends to be really sensitive to criticism. But if you're saying, hey, I'm noticing in the relationship I have a need for X, Y, Z, and it's really important to me, can we work on it? And you're just, just seeing a total absence of like, validating the need being present for the conversation, being willing to do something that shows that they're trying to take the action, even if they are imperfect at it, which we all will be when we're trying to make changes. If there's just no effort or energy or willingness to talk about the topic and it's just a shutting down, it's not a good sign. I mean, it's a really strong sign that dismissive avoidance really withdrawing from the relationship and is on the way out. Number three, the dismissive avoidant partner or person you're dating is canceling plans more than they are making plans or showing up for them. Okay? If there's like this imbalance there, again, really important sign. And it's a sign that the person's on the way out themselves. And it's a sign that, like, you, if you're staying There in that situation and not feeling okay, you have to be like, hey, what in me is still staying right? Like, what in me? If this hurts me and I don't feel like the person's meeting me halfway at all is still staying in this situation? Like, do I have a fear of being alone? Do I feel like I'm not good enough to meet somebody else? Like, and maybe those are things I should reprogram at my stomach. Subconscious level of mind. I just wanted to pop in here and let you know. We are doing a seven day free trial to the All Access membership pass at PDFs, which means you get access to literally everything inside of the school. And this includes the four live webinars I do with our students every single week. And on top of that, you get access to all of our different courses. We have over 55 different courses on relationships, communication, boundaries, emotional mastery, guilt and shame, learning your needs. So many different facets that are really important to master our lives and feel really good about our lives going forward. And last but not least, there's a daily community event. We have trained facilitators and coaches who are in there doing that work, showing up to support you on your journey every single day. Please join me on the other side. Come check it out, see if it's a fit for you. I'd love to see you there. Go ahead and sign up by clicking the link in the description box below. Number four. When you start asking for things in the relationship, like asking, hey, how are you? What's going on? What did you do this weekend? What? You know, what have you been up to? And you're trying to like open the dialogue or conversation and they give very closed answers. But that, that's consistent. So sometimes DAs, when they're feeling at their emotional bandwidth is shrunk, they'll kind of pull back and be closed. But I mean that, like this is a constant thing, right? So you've got the person constantly going, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I was, I had a good weekend, it was fine. You know, these very like one word or brief sentence answers. Instead of being like, oh, I did this with my friends and then I did this, what did you do for the weekend? Like, there's, there's no back and forth. It's almost always coming to a closed answer. Sometimes this is a reflection of a DA being afraid. Sometimes this is a reflection of a D being hurt by something and not talking about it. But at the end of the day, like if they can't then have a discussion about those things or work through those fears. It may be that that person at this time on their journey is not ready for a romantic relationship. And if you are the DA in that situation, it's so important that if you're finding yourself in a lot of these patterns that you take the time to like heal your heart and heal your subconscious wounds and fears about vulnerability, about connection, about commitment, do some reprogramming work, learn your needs and how to communicate those needs to partner so you can still have your freedom and independence while having a health committed relationship where you can show up at the same time. I think we think they're mutually exclusive things, but when you explore them in more detail, they're absolutely not. Number five, that you are not getting somebody who opens up. They're not sharing personal things, they're not being vulnerable. You're not seeing that in moments at all in the relationship or very, very, very infrequently. Part of moving the needle when we get closer and closer to somebody is moving the needle towards more vulnerability, understanding each other's inner worlds more. And if there's a total absence of that, it may be that the DA is not quite ready at this time to have a romantic go further, to take the next steps. And the relationship may be on its way out as well. So I hope this gives you some insight. We get tons of questions about this. Please let me know in the comments if you have any questions below. Thank you for being here. Please like, share and subscribe if you haven't already. I would super appreciate it and I will see you in the next video.