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Let me start by saying this. If you've ever been told that you are too much, that you are too intense or too emotional, maybe even too invested, that does not mean something is wrong with you. Have you ever walked away from a situation thinking, did I just come on too strong? Or maybe you felt a spark and you leaned into a situation only to feel the other person slowly lean back. Maybe you texted because you cared and suddenly they seem distant. Or maybe nobody has told you directly, but you can feel when someone starts to pull away. Today I'm going to walk you through five signs that you might be coming on too strong in relationships. Not to shame you, but to help you finally understand what's actually happening under the surface. And remember, if you are more anxious in relationships or have an anxious attachment style, coming on too strong does not mean that you're needy or too much. It usually means that your nervous system is just trying to regulate in the best possible possible way that it knows how. Sign number one. If you feel deeply connected to somebody after just two dates, or even the first date, and you're already imagining a future together, this could be why what ends up happening is in real life. You may go on a date and feel like you start fantasizing about what the future would look like with this person. Maybe you start thinking about long term commitments very early on, or even deeply sharing personal trauma or or things that you've been through very soon. Maybe after a date or two, you also find yourself in a position where you want these check ins immediately. You're like, let's talk on a daily basis. Let's go deep into being up to date on each other's lives. And then you feel disappointed when somebody else doesn't match that intensity. But if this is the case for you in sign number one, then this is usually because you might be anxiously attached. Anxious attachment styles. They are known for moving very quickly in relationships. And they are this way because they usually have this major fear of abandonment that comes into their conditioning from early childhood or from past relationships. And if you are constantly fearing abandonment, well, what do you do? Well, of course you end up trying to cling so quickly and trying to maintain proximity and get very close very fast. Because your nervous system and subconscious mind are looking for reassurance to know that you won't have to go through that pain of abandonment that you've already been through again. And when we think of pain of abandonment in childhood or in past relationships, that can look like somebody leaving you unexpectedly in a relationship, that can look like growing up with a parent who wasn't around a lot. But it can also be smaller things, like having parents who are very loving, but they're inconsistent, they're traveling all the time, they're not always super available and present. And all of these things cause you to fear that love will be there one moment and be taken away or withdrawn another moment, which in turn causes you to be a lot more anxious as an adult. So that first sign of rushing emotional intimacy too quickly is telling you that you may accidentally be pushing somebody away because they may feel too much pressure if they are not anxious and they are not moving at the same pace. In fact, a lot of other attachment styles who aren't anxiously attached, they actually experience this as some degree of forced closeness. And if somebody's more avoidant in relationships, like they're a dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant, it will most likely activate their avoidant tendencies. Wanting closeness isn't the problem, that's a beautiful thing. The pace at which you move towards that closeness and hope for that reciprocation of closeness is the challenge. And when you learn how to regulate your nervous system here first and start to meet your own needs on a regular basis so that you can self soothe and stay regulated and present with yourself so you're not trying to outsource that connection to somebody else all the time, that starts to allow you to move at a pace that works for both people and in turn is less likely to force you down that rabbit hole of chasing after people over and over again. So sign number two is that you may find yourself constantly seeking reassurance. If you constantly find yourself saying are we okay? More than once a week. Again, this is probably that you are more anxiously attached in relationships and that attachment system is running the show. If you find that you have to have a serious talk every few, then you're going to want to pay attention to this sign, because here's what this really looks like. Maybe you find yourself constantly rereading texts, trying to engage or understand what somebody's tone is in those texts. Maybe you find yourself wondering because somebody's neutral and not super available if they're upset. Or maybe you just find yourself needing a constant validation of your feelings, or only feeling calm after somebody else reassures you if any of these things are happening again. This is that anxious attachment style. This is part of your healing in this journey. This is about you being able to rework these huge fears of abandonment by rebuilding a relationship to yourself. In fact, a lot of anxious attachment cells, they really struggle to know who they are. Because so much of their sense of self is defined by what people think of them, how much approval you have, how much people like you in the relationships around you. And as a result of this, part of your healing on point number two is going to be to do things like date yourself, ask yourself introspective questions, start to get to know what you need, start to meet some of your own needs. For example, if you need encouragement or validation from somebody else, practice journaling your wins every evening so you're giving that validation to yourself instead. The more you're able to do that, the less pressure you're going to be constantly putting by accident on your external relationships. You're not asking for reassurance because you feel weak. You're asking for reassurance because your nervous system hasn't learned internal safety yet. And when you start to build this internal safety, you won't need that constant proof. And that's a big piece of how. Sign number three. You over pursue when somebody pulls back. When somebody takes space, do you find yourself moving closer consistently rather than giving room? For example, maybe you double or triple text when somebody hasn't responded, or you try to fix whatever's going on immediately. Or you show up way more to earn their approval or worth when they withdraw. Or maybe you find that you just feel absolute panic and have difficulty focusing when somebody is not able to communicate with you enough. And here's the thing, the more you chase, the more distance grows. But when you're starting to practice regulating your nervous system and meeting your own needs like we talked about, you start to create a relationship to yourself rooted in an emotional security, not survival. And in turn, you're on the right track and you're not going to find yourself chasing unavailable people over and over again. I want to let you know we have for free as a gift our discover, embrace and fulfill your relationship needs course. It's all about learning your relationship needs to self and your own personal relationship. Relationship needs. It's one of these six major pillars to actually healing and rewiring your attachment style. And it helps you learn people's needs in your life even if they're not taking the course with you. It helps you understand the patterns and themes that people show that then translates into what needs they generally have, both in relationships and friendships, family relationships. It really dives deep into understanding the language of needs because it's actually more important to understand people's needs and how we exchange them. When it comes to essentially the languages of love, then your typical love languages that you'll see needs hit way deeper. So if you want to learn all about that, you get to actually keep that course for free for life. It's a gift that comes along with your seven day free trial. If you want to check out the Personal Development School for free for seven days, I'll put that below. We just have this for a limited time, so I hope you check it out. Sign number four. You make somebody the center of your emotional world. If your mood depends on how your relationship is going that day or how somebody else is acting, this is really important to note. Examples of this would be you losing focus on your own goals, you canceling plans with friends or family or other people in your life to constantly be available to them at the drop of a hat or flick of a switch. Or maybe you constantly find yourself checking your phone, wondering how long it's been since they texted you last, or wondering what else you could say to try to win over their attention or approval. All of these things are you externalizing your emotional regulation? And again, until you really build a relationship to yourself, you are going to struggle there until you get to know yourself outside of just a relationship. You are going to find yourself doing this over and over again. Because the stronger you have of a sense of self across things like your career goals, your financial goals, learning habits, hobbies, things that make you feel mentally stimulated, other healthy sources of emotional connection, both to yourself, to friends, to family members that are stable, the more you've enriched other areas of your life, the less you're going to make one person the center of your universe in a way that then creates imbalance or feels like an excess of pressure or overwhelm to the other person or in a way that makes you feel like you and your entire form of happiness hinges on how well your relationship is going to and this is because healthy love does not require shrinking your world to be around somebody else. When you build a full life and a sense of internal stability, attraction between two people actually grows stronger. And sign number five is that you try to secure commitment too early. If you feel a really strong urge to define a relationship very quickly after a few dates, a few weeks, that urgency might not be about love and the person. This might actually be about you trying to soothe yourself and get your need for certainty met through the external commitment as a way to feel okay inside rather than because you've actually taken the time to vet the person to see if you're actually compatible and to see if that relationship can really work for you. What does Vetting actually look like? It looks like you taking the time to learn your needs from other people in a relationship. Do you want somebody who's emotionally available, who's consistent, who's reliable? Do you want somebody who's, who's going to make you feel like a priority and who is going to build you up and encourage you? If those are needs, it shouldn't be that you start chasing somebody and trying to extract those things from somebody by doing more and more. It should be that you get to know somebody, tell somebody that those are things that are important to you, and vet to see how they respond. And if they do those things for you, then, yes, that's a compatibility match. But if they don't, then that's actually a sign that you should probably be moving in a different direction. But unfortunately, most anxious people in relationships end up instead just feeling attracted to somebody, being interested in them at a high level, and then chasing and trying to win them over rather than actually vetting to see if that person's going to meet their needs. And that will constantly keep you in this cycle of spiraling around those anxious attachment wounds and feeling like you always have to do more to earn your worth. Commitment. It should feel mutual and organic, not like something that you have to secure. And when you learn to start meeting your own needs and regulate your nervous system and build that relationship to yourself, you'll stop chasing certainty from the outside in and start creating certainty from the inside out. So if you saw yourself in any of these signs, I want you to know this isn't about being too much. It's about having an attachment system that learned to survive through constantly seeking closeness and reassurance. But it may be time to drop that as a survival strategy and start learning to embody who you are instead. My name is Thais Gibson, and I specialize in attachment theory and subconscious rewiring. And I've helped tens of thousands of people move from anxious attachment to secure attachment so that they start investing in people who invest back in them. And inside the Personal Development School, we don't just talk about these patterns. We actually give you step by step, tools to actually change. Because when you start changing your nervous system, you change all of your relationships, starting with the one with yourself. You are not too much. You just haven't been taught how to feel safe yet. And that is something that you can absolutely learn. So if you enjoyed this video, stay tuned for many, many more. This is all I talk about on this channel here at the Personal Development School and can't wait to see you in the next.