Podcast Summary:

The Thais Gibson Podcast – Episode: 7 Ways Dating an Avoidant Could Affect You Permanently
Date: October 21, 2025
Host: Thais Gibson

Overview

In this episode, Thais Gibson explores the profound and lasting effects that dating someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style can have on a person's psyche, attachment behaviors, and nervous system. She presents seven key signs of how these dynamics may rewire one's subconscious mind and offers guidance on identifying these signs, addressing personal growth, and ultimately deciding when it is time to draw boundaries or move on. The episode blends modern neuroscience with ancient wisdom, concluding with advice for healing and reclaiming self-trust.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. How Avoidant Attachment Can Rewire the Mind

• Dating a dismissive avoidant doesn’t just affect feelings of love—it can cause the subconscious to associate closeness with distance.
  • "You begin to question your own worth in this relationship when you're with a dismissive avoidant. Their emotional withdrawal often makes you wonder what's wrong with you because they rarely validate your feelings or needs." (01:24)
• Not everyone will be negatively affected, but there are seven signs to watch for that suggest these patterns are taking root.

2. The Seven Signs: Lasting Effects of Dating an Avoidant

1. Questioning Your Own Worth (01:24)

• Repeated emotional withdrawal can cause you to link love with performance, triggering anxious patterns or, over time, causing you to withdraw emotionally.

2. Learning to Suppress Your Needs (03:12)

• Avoidants’ discomfort with vulnerability leads to self-silencing and internal resentment.
  • "You may start thinking that expressing your own needs will push them away. So you stay silent. And not only is this a form of self silencing and self abandonment, but it creates internal resentment and emotional exhaustion." (03:30)

3. Emotional Over-functioning (07:08)

• Those dating avoidants often compensate by over-analyzing, over-explaining, or taking on all emotional work.
  • "Most people who end up dating dismissive avoidance are emotional over functioners...because the dismissive avoidant tends to under function in the emotional connection, you compensate." (08:06)

4. Hypervigilance (11:10)

• Constantly scanning for cues of disconnection, leading to a chronically heightened stress response and potential health issues.

5. Losing Touch with Secure Love (13:50)

• Peace may feel like boredom and chaos like chemistry, due to past conditioning, causing you to equate uncertainty with excitement and repeat unhealthy bonding patterns.

6. Dismissing Personal Boundaries (16:40)

• Saying yes when you mean no, simply to maintain connection, even if these actions conflict with personal values or comfort.

7. Increased Stress and Preoccupation (18:23)

• Overall stress increases: sleep disruptions, obsessive social media checking, and inability to focus on other aspects of life are common signs.

3. Neuroscientific Backing for Emotional Conditioning (04:25 – 06:45)

• Research supports that emotional rejection and isolation trigger the same neural pathways as physical pain:
  • 2015, Dr. Ethan Cross: Rejection activates the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex (same as physical pain).
  • 2020, Dr. Stephanie Capochio: Chronic emotional isolation suppresses dopamine activity, leading to numbness.
  • 2018, Dr. Daniela Schiller: Exposure to inconsistent affection maladaptively conditions the amygdala.

4. Healing and Moving Forward

• Growth in relationships is possible if both partners are doing the inner work (19:13). However, if only one person is growing, the negative effects may persist or worsen.
• Self-reflection and honest evaluation of how the relationship affects you is crucial.
  • "Where is your line in the sand? ... How am I actually being affected by this relationship? And that should dictate, where is my line in the sand?" (20:03)
• Thais encourages listeners to set deadlines for change and to honor their boundaries, especially if their needs are not being met.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Attachment Reinforcement:
  "Over time, this can actually reinforce an anxious leaning pattern, even if you weren't anxious before..." (01:57)

• On Self-Silencing:
  "Not only is this a form of self silencing and self abandonment, but it creates internal resentment and emotional exhaustion." (03:38)

• On Personal Growth in Relationships:
  "Relationships are showing us to ourselves. And our job in a relationship is that if something triggers us, we have to address it, move through it, have hard conversations about it until it's actually resolved." (07:56)

• On Emotional Over-functioning:
  "Let there be space for somebody to move towards you, request your needs so that there's room for somebody to make an effort for you and with you as well, rather than just going into, 'Oh, there's space, I feel like we're disconnecting...let me be the singular person to always fix it and do all the work.'" (09:37)

• Ancient Wisdom Cited:

  • "When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." — Lao Tzu (21:15)
  • "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything else you do flows from it." — Proverbs 4:23 (21:43)

Healing Tools & Resources

• Thais recommends her Codependency and Enmeshment Course and the Attachment Styles and Sex Course for those wishing to work deeper on these patterns (06:58).
• Reiterates the necessity of addressing change at the subconscious level to break unhealthy dynamics.

Action Steps for Listeners

• Reflect on which of the seven signs resonate with you and consider where your “line in the sand” is drawn (20:03).
• Set a deadline for observable change in your relationship if these patterns are present.
• Pursue self-healing and personal growth, regardless of the partner's progress.

Conclusion

Thais encourages self-awareness, compassionate self-inquiry, and courageous action—whether that means continuing to grow within the relationship or bravely choosing to let go. Listeners are invited to honestly assess their relational health, claim free resources for healing codependency and attachment wounds, and to share their experiences in the community.