Podcast Summary: The Thais Gibson Podcast
Episode Title: A Secure Person Does THIS When An Avoidant Won't Commit
Release Date: November 5, 2025
Host: Thais Gibson

Episode Overview

In this episode, Thais Gibson explores a common and challenging dating scenario: what happens when a dismissive avoidant partner is hesitant or unwilling to commit, and how a securely attached individual reacts in this situation. The discussion dives into the timelines and emotional frameworks of different attachment styles, with a focus on practical, secure strategies for communication, boundary setting, and self-respect. Listeners are offered both theoretical insight and concrete guidance for navigating such relationship dynamics with healthy boundaries.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Attachment Styles and Commitment Timelines

(00:00–04:30)

• Each attachment style has its own "internal clock" or expectation for when commitment should happen in a relationship.

• Anxious Preoccupied (AP): Often ready to commit very quickly—sometimes as early as two weeks, feeling pressured by 4–8 weeks.

• Dismissive Avoidant (DA): Generally comfortable waiting much longer—typically between 3–6 months.

• Secure: Tends to wait 2.5 to 4 months, using this time to vet and intentionally get to know a potential partner.

• Fearful Avoidant (FA): Similar timeline to secure types but for different emotional reasons (moving between anxious and avoidant states).

  Quote:

  "A securely attached person is usually taking the appropriate amount of time to just vet, to ask the right questions, to really establish like, is this the right relationship for me?... They're usually really getting to know somebody intentionally with finding out that information as being the goal."
  (Thais Gibson, 03:45)

• Differences in these timelines can create confusion and tension—especially when one partner is AP and the other is DA.

2. How Securely Attached People Respond to Avoidant Commitment Delays

(04:30–13:30)

• Secure individuals recognize that everyone has different timelines and needs; they don’t take things personally or make hasty, negative assumptions.

• Approach is guided by empathy, directness, and clarity—not pressure or people-pleasing.

• They hold their own needs while respecting the partner’s process.

  Quote:

  "A securely attached person would recognize that not everybody follows the same expectations as they do…they would be able to hold what their needs are, but also hold empathy, understanding and awareness…"
  (Thais Gibson, 05:46)

• The secure response involves:

  • Openly expressing where they are and what they want.
  • Acknowledging their own timeline and valuing their time.
  • Inviting the partner to share where they stand, without imposing pressure.

3. Secure Communication Example: Setting the Stage

(13:30–16:30)

• A securely attached person might say (paraphrased):

  "I've really enjoyed getting to know you. I could see this going somewhere. While I’m not asking for an immediate decision, I do want to see that we’re moving in a direction towards commitment. I value my time, so I’d like to know if you see things going this way too."

• The emphasis is on clarity:

  • Not an ultimatum.
  • Willingness to offer reasonable space for clarity.
  • Backing their own boundaries and needs.

4. Handling Dodge or Non-Committal Responses: The Next Step

(16:30–21:00)

• If the avoidant partner doesn’t provide clarity or commitment—even after such a conversation—a secure individual escalates their boundary:

  • They specify a reasonable time frame for clarity.
  • Communicate the natural consequence of inaction (stepping back, not as a threat, but as self-respect).

  Quote:

  "You would say, if I don't see progression in the next little while, then I will follow up with you. And if we haven't been able to make a decision together to progress, then I will have to just take a step back because I'm looking for somebody who's ready to commit…"
  (Thais Gibson, 18:50)

• Important nuances:

  • No threats or pressure, just transparency and consequence.
  • Leaves space for authentic decision-making without anxiety-driven ultimatums.
  • Self-respect and boundary-setting are prioritized.

5. Real Outcomes and Empowerment

(21:00–End)

• Such conversations often result in dismissive avoidants responding positively—because pressure is removed and the secure individual models healthy boundaries.

• The process is transformative for both the relationship and personal growth.

  Quote:

  "There is like this self-respect. There is like, hey, I know what I want, I'm clear, and I'm here to back myself and my standards and that's it. And jump on board or don't jump on board."
  (Thais Gibson, 23:15)

• Thais reiterates:

  • Having these conversations can be intimidating, especially for anxious types.
  • Backing oneself and setting boundaries is key to developing or reinforcing secure attachment.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Different Timelines:

  "You can see right away in the early dating stage just how complicated that will make things..." (Thais Gibson, 02:00)

• On Direct Communication:

  "They're not willing to get caught in the gray area forever... They're not willing to try to play it cool, only for that pressure to come out in different ways." (Thais Gibson, 10:40)

• On Self-Respect:

  "At the end of the day...in having those conversations, that's how we see the transformation and that's also how you become more secure because you're backing yourself in the experience..."
  (Thais Gibson, 24:30)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–04:30: Understanding different attachment timelines.
• 04:30–13:30: Secure strategies for approaching commitment talk.
• 13:30–16:30: Example script for secure communication.
• 16:30–21:00: What to do when an avoidant won't commit.
• 21:00–24:30: Realistic outcomes and personal transformation.

Conclusion

Thais Gibson illustrates that the power of secure attachment in relationships lies in honest, empathetic communication, clear boundaries, and an unwavering sense of self-respect. Secure individuals neither pressure nor silence themselves; they model the very standards they expect, creating a space for true relational growth and mutual commitment.

For further insights or to suggest future topics, Thais invites comments from listeners eager to learn more about secure behavior in a variety of dating and relationship scenarios.