Episode Overview

Podcast: The Thais Gibson Podcast
Episode: Anxious Attachment and the Closure Myth | Find Peace Without Them
Date: February 13, 2026
Host: Thais Gibson

In this episode, Thais Gibson addresses a common struggle for people with anxious attachment: the persistent longing for closure after breakups, especially where meaningful or healthy closure wasn't possible. Thais challenges the belief that closure must come from the other person and guides listeners through actionable steps to find peace and certainty from within. The conversation is practical, compassionate, and focused on empowering individuals to rewire attachment patterns and genuinely move forward.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Myth of Closure (00:00–02:00)

• Opening Reflection: Thais tackles the common experience among those with anxious attachment of needing closure from someone who "is literally not capable of giving it to you."

  • She highlights the futility and emotional cost of seeking healing from people unable or unwilling to provide it.
  • Quote:

    "Your need for closure from somebody who is literally not capable of giving it to you is not a healthy coping mechanism. It is going to leave you feeling empty, like you're trying to draw water from a stone." – Thais Gibson (00:01)

• Certainty vs. Closure: Thais reframes the desire for closure, pointing out that what’s truly craved is certainty about why things ended.

  • Many are left "constantly trying to connect," often in situationships, only to be ghosted or abruptly cut off, which feeds feelings of uncertainty and confusion.

Step 1: Evaluate If Closure Is Even Possible (02:00–04:00)

• Self-Inquiry:
  • "Pause and ask yourself whether or not this person that you're trying to actually get closure from is even capable of giving you any healthy closure at all."
  • Criteria for capability:
    • Are they communicative, empathetic, and accountable?
    • If not, seeking closure from them will leave you "stuck, like you're in this holding pattern or freeze mode."
  • Quote:

    "You're probably looking to get a need from somebody who can't actually meet it for you." – Thais Gibson (03:15)

Step 2: Reframe and Redirect the Need for Certainty (04:00–07:15)

• Recognize the True Need:

  • The void isn't closure—it's certainty about the breakup, your ex-partner's mind, and the relationship's viability.

• Unplug and Replug:

  • Stop seeking certainty from someone unable or unwilling to provide it.
  • Find certainty elsewhere, such as:
    • Making a list of reasons why the relationship wouldn’t have worked.
    • Recognizing you deserve someone who reciprocates and invests.
    • Focusing on personal growth and self-connection.
    • Gaining support and consistency from friends or family.
  • Quote:

    "We're going to unplug trying to get certainty from there and we're going to plug into how we can get certainty in other forms." – Thais Gibson (05:25)

Step 3: Identify and Self-Source the Needs Left Behind (07:15–10:00)

• Look at the Needs Met By the Relationship:

  • Even partial needs met (e.g., fleeting validation) show what you crave and struggle to provide for yourself.
  • Grief often reflects "limitations in our own capacity to show up for ourselves in those areas first."
  • Quote:

    "We hunger for something from somebody when we are starving for it within ourselves first." – Thais Gibson (09:05)

• Action Steps:

  • Make a list of what you miss about your ex and what needs those things fulfilled.
  • Strategize on how to give yourself those needs (e.g., validating yourself by celebrating personal wins or journaling about things you’re proud of).
    • Example: If you miss validation, practice self-validation through daily affirmations or tracking accomplishments.

• Result:

  • Filling the void proactively shortens the grieving process and helps you move forward in a healthier, self-empowered way.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Closure:

  "It's not actually true, because there is a coping strategy that you're trying to access here. Closure is not the need. Certainty is the need." — Thais Gibson (01:22)

• On Rewiring Needs:

  "You can start by looking at basically all of the things you’re certain about in regards to why the relationship wouldn’t have worked anyway." — Thais Gibson (06:11)

• On Grief and Needs:

  "A lot of times, what we're grieving from somebody, especially if they weren’t right for us or weren’t healthy for us, we end up grieving for something because we're actually so limited in our own capacity to show up for ourselves in those areas first." — Thais Gibson (09:12)

Key Timestamps

• 00:00–02:00: The myth and futility of seeking closure from unavailable partners
• 02:00–04:00: Self-inquiry: Is meaningful closure possible from this person?
• 04:00–07:15: Reframing your need; shifting the source of certainty; practical exercises
• 07:15–10:00: Identifying unmet needs; self-sourcing those needs; actionable self-healing tips

Tone and Language

Thais’s tone is warm, compassionate, and direct. She balances empathy for listeners with clear, actionable advice, frequently emphasizing self-empowerment and practical steps.

Summary

This episode demystifies the idea that closure after a breakup must come from the other person—especially if they’re emotionally unavailable or incapable of providing it. Instead, Thais encourages listeners to identify the underlying need for certainty, redirect it into more fruitful avenues, and actively give themselves the validation and security previously sought from an ex. Following these steps, she suggests, can bring genuine peace and personal growth.

For anyone haunted by the need for closure after a relationship, especially those with anxious attachment patterns, this episode serves as an empowering roadmap to healing.