A (0:00)

You've been breadcrumbed by a dismissive, avoidant attachment style, and maybe you're feeling a little bit sick and tired of it. Well, in today's video, we are gonna break down how to never get breadcrumbed again by first understanding what it is that causes dismissive avoidance of breadcrumb, what those roots are and what it is actually saying about you and your own subconscious comfort zone. And by tapping into that and transforming what is going on at the root, you may just find that everything in your dating and relationship life also begins to change.

A (0:31)

One of the first things I want to start off with discussing is just the fact that breadcrumbing essentially means that somebody's just leaving little crumbs in the relationship for you while dating instead of giving you the full loaf of bread or the full experience of a relationship. And so this may be somebody, and this can be different relationship attachment styles for different reasons, but this may be somebody who isn't texting back very often, isn't really making space for the relationship, is kind of seeing you once in a blue moon, is really avoiding making commitments, things like that. Obviously dismissive avoidance, though they're not the only attachment style who engage in this activity at times, are ones who do engage in this activity quite frequently. The first thing that I just wanted to touch on here that I think is so important is the reason that dismissive avoidance. And we're going to go through a few things. We're going to go through why dismissive avoidance do this. We're going to go through why people stay in these situations. And we're also going to talk about how to get out of these dynamics as a breadcrumber or the one receiving the breadcrumbs. So why do dismissive avoidance engage in this experience? Well, because they were breadcrumbed in their childhood. And what I mean by this is that dismissive avoidance only know breadcrumbs, that is love to a dismissible avoidant. Because in their own childhood they were emotionally neglected. And so they received breadcrumbs from their caregivers and didn't get the opportunity to develop healthy emotional modeling in order to effectively know what. What having the whole loaf of bread is even about. And so, you know, I see sometimes.

A (2:11)

You know, people on the receiving end of this getting so frustrated. And what I want to highlight is like, trauma in its own way. Obviously, it's not actually contagious the way we think about contagion. But like in its own form, trauma is contagious because what often happens is One person gets imprinted with a traumatic event, and then that becomes their subconscious comfort zone. And it's actually the same subconscious comfort zone they then use to interact with others. And so it's really important to step out and break the cycle. If you're either the person doing the breadcrumbing and you're like, oh, wow, I realize that I'm doing this, or if you're the person receiving the breadcrumbs, and in that case, you have to evaluate what limiting beliefs you have that are allowing you to stay. And so there's a few different approaches to, like, working through this situation. But let's start with the dismissive, avoidant person themselves. So much of no longer being somebody who breadcrumbs is learning to get out of the subconscious comfort zone of emotional lack or neglect. And while we'll see dismissive avoidance often spend a lot of time, like, with themselves, spending time alone. Let me rephrase this. We'll see. DAs want to spend a lot of time alone, right? And it's often because their emotional bandwidth is shrunken and they're a little bit dysregulated at a subtle level. And they are trying to sort of soothe themselves by taking space and sort of engaging in, like, trans activities a lot of the time, like just mindlessly watching TV or not having to really, like, engage too much in certain forms. Now, what we'll see and something that's so important to pay attention to is in that case, if you are the person who's stuck in that state. Just because you're spending time alone doesn't mean that you're actually being with yourself. And spending time with yourself means introspecting, getting to know yourself, checking in with your feelings, noticing your thoughts, and instead of having your thoughts just race at a million miles a minute all day long on autopilot with no checkpoint. Like, what are you thinking about? How are you. How are your thoughts affecting your day? How are your thoughts affecting your actions? It's very hard to correct behavior at the behavioral level. It's really hard to be like, oh, I'm just going to start going to the gym every day and just start going seven days in a row. When we correct behaviors, the level of thought, when we start thinking differently about why we should go to the gym, what it means to go to the gym, how it will benefit us, how it will impact what the value is. And when we have those thoughts, try to come in that are like, oh, but you're too tired. Instead, being able to correct at the Thought level and be like, you know what, I said I was going to go, I'm going to try to show up. Even if I just have a light workout. That's great. Correcting things at the thought level is where change happens. And so correcting things at the behavioral level, we get into this like willing game against ourselves. Anyways, I'm kind of going down a rabbit hole. So getting back on track here. Dismissive avoidance. Have to start in order to move the needle and no longer be breadcrumbers in certain forms. They have to start no longer breadcrumbing themselves, right? Like you're with yourself essentially as a DA and you're not really with yourself. You're giving yourself emotional breadcrumbs. Like you're not checked in, you're not present, you're not in your body a lot of the time. And so starting with a lot of self care activities, emotional awareness.