Podcast Summary: Dismissive Avoidants: How They Bond Emotionally & Physically

Podcast: The Thais Gibson Podcast
Host: Thais Gibson
Episode Date: December 10, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Thais Gibson delves deeply into the unique ways dismissive avoidant individuals experience and form emotional and physical bonds, particularly in the context of sex and intimacy. Drawing on neuroscience, attachment theory, and her extensive clinical experience, Thais explains how deeply-rooted childhood wounds can shape adult relationships and offers guidance for understanding these patterns. The goal is to equip listeners with clarity, compassion, and actionable insights to better navigate relationships with dismissive avoidant individuals.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Core Wounds of Dismissive Avoidants (DAs) and How They Affect Intimacy

• Attachment Styles & Neurobiology: Different attachment styles bond through sex and intimacy in distinct ways, shaped by unique neurological and psychological processes.

  • “What actually happens to the brain, the mind, the body of a dismissive avoidant individual in stages around sex and intimacy…” (00:13)

• Foundational Core Wounds:

  • Vulnerability is equated with danger or weakness.
  • Fear of being seen as “defective.”
  • Feeling unsafe if exposed emotionally.
  • Example quote:
    • “Those are big core wounds for dismissive avoidants, and they play a massive role in sex.” (01:22)

• Resulting Behaviors:

  • Discomfort with deepening intimacy triggers defense mechanisms and withdrawal.
  • DAs often subconsciously shut down when emotional and physical closeness grow in a relationship, especially after significant attachment is formed.

2. Links to Childhood Conditioning

• Origins of Avoidant Coping:
  • Experiences of repeated emotional neglect in childhood lead to learned shutdown responses when feeling vulnerable.
  • These coping mechanisms surface in adulthood, especially as intimacy mirrors childhood attachment bonds.
  • Example quote:
    • “…the moment they reattach at a deep level that mirrors the depth of attachment they had with their caregivers in childhood… that becomes our primary attachment figure relationships.” (02:53)

3. Triggers That Impact DA Sexual and Emotional Bonding

• Scenarios likely to evoke defensive responses:
  • Heightened vulnerability or emotional closeness during sex
    • DAs may enjoy the connection but experience a “shutdown” afterward due to feeling unsafe.
      • “When those feelings are really heightened and then that gets brought into sex, dismissive avoidants can literally have a huge shutdown after.” (04:01)
  • Pressure from a partner regarding sex
    • Feeling coerced or expected—e.g., being told, “We’re not having sex enough”—triggers feelings of being trapped and causes withdrawal.
      • “If sex starts changing… and one person starts bringing it up… DAs will for sure feel trapped and pressured… and it can actually wreak havoc on the sex life.” (04:40)
  • Problems, criticism, or dissatisfaction around sex
    • DAs tend to internalize problems as personal defectiveness; this can lead to shame and associating negative emotions with future sexual encounters.
      • “If there’s any kind of issue around sex, DAs put a lot of pressure on themselves and feel like they're defective.” (05:00)
    • Criticism is especially potent in eliciting shame and withdrawal.
      • “…if they feel criticized about sex, actually, that shouldn't be an honorable mention. That should be one of the top four in there as potential problems…” (06:00)
  • Perceived incapability to meet partner's needs
    • If unable to satisfy a partner’s sexual expectations, DAs can fall into helplessness and further emotional distancing.
      • “…if a DA doesn't realize that their core wounds are triggered… they shut down in this case or situation.” (06:50)
  • Self-criticism and internal pressure
    • Pressure or expectation can heighten a DA’s self-criticism and prevent them from being present or enjoying intimacy.
      • “Dismissive avoidants... can really get into their own head around sex... it can really ruin the experience to a certain degree for DAs.” (07:18)

4. The Subconscious Mind and Emotional Associations

• The subconscious mind “associates” strong emotions (like shame or fear) with sex if negative experiences accumulate.
• Over time, these associations reinforce withdrawal, self-protection, and difficulty in being present during intimacy.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If I'm too vulnerable and I am seen too much, somebody will come to know that I am defective. So all of those I am weak. I am unsafe. I am defective. Those are big core wounds for dismissive avoidants...” — Thais Gibson (01:18)
• “When those feelings are really heightened and then that gets brought into sex, dismissive avoidants can literally have a huge shutdown after. And it’s not because they didn’t necessarily like enjoy the depth of connection and the experience, but because the next day they felt so vulnerable and it felt unsafe and scary...” — Thais Gibson (04:07)
• “If sex starts changing in a relationship... and starts pressuring it, DAs will for sure feel trapped and pressured... it can actually wreak havoc on the sex life.” — Thais Gibson (04:51)
• “Our subconscious mind is an association making machine... if we start going into an experience as people that makes us feel ashamed, we learn to feel the emotion of shame when we think about that experience again.” — Thais Gibson (05:36)
• “Dismissive avoidants... can really get into their own head around sex... pressure or expectation... can affect their ability to be present, to be in the moment, to enjoy sex.” — Thais Gibson (07:18)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00-01:00 — Introduction to attachment, bonding, and the DA context.
• 01:01-02:45 — Definition and breakdown of main dismissive avoidant core wounds.
• 02:46-03:35 — Childhood origins of avoidant shutdowns.
• 03:36-04:59 — Scenarios that trigger shutdowns after intimacy.
• 05:00-06:30 — The effects of criticism, perceived defects, and pressure.
• 06:31-07:45 — Association of shame and fear with sex; self-criticism and presence issues.

Conclusion

Thais Gibson closes by encouraging listeners to educate themselves on needs, self-love, and healthy communication for healing and individuation. Understanding dismissive avoidant dynamics, especially regarding vulnerability and intimacy, allows for more empathy and healthier relationships. She invites listeners to engage with her courses and leave further questions or discussion points for future episodes.