Fearful Avoidant: The People Who Trigger You Are Showing You THIS
Podcast: The Thais Gibson Podcast
Host: Thais Gibson
Episode Date: February 16, 2026
Episode Overview
In this episode, Thais Gibson explores the concept of “relationship shadows” and how the people who trigger us—especially for those with a fearful avoidant attachment style—can reveal deep insights about our own subconscious wounds and unmet needs. She discusses the foundations of shadow work, drawn from Carl Jung’s theories, and offers practical self-reflection tools for growth and healing, particularly aimed at those striving to break free from old patterns and reprogram their subconscious minds.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Understanding the Relationship Shadow ([00:00])
- Definition: The “shadow” is a part of ourselves we try to deny or hide, often due to societal or familial conditioning.
- Origins: Thais references Carl Jung—the shadow self includes both negative and positive traits we've repressed due to shame or punishment during development.
- Real-Life Examples:
- Emotions as negative: Taught to suppress emotions because they’re “bad.”
- Ambition as negative: Conditioned to put others first, thus repressing one’s own desires.
Quote, Thais Gibson [01:40]:
“Basically, we are going to be attracted to—or really repulsed by—other people’s traits that are repressed within us because our subconscious mind is seeking wholeness.”
- Golden Shadow: We idolize those who manifest traits we've denied ourselves; conversely, people exhibiting traits we’ve been taught to hate may trigger us.
2. Triggers as Mirrors for Inner Healing ([04:35])
- Core Concept: When someone triggers us deeply, especially as a fearful avoidant, it's often because they express traits we're suppressing or denying within ourselves.
- Most Common Triggers for Fearful Avoidants:
- Feeling taken advantage of
- Disrespect
- Controlling behavior
- Why? Fearful avoidants often:
- Overextend themselves to please others, leading to self-neglect.
- Internalized the need to please as a safety mechanism from childhood (e.g., growing up with unpredictable caregivers).
Quote, Thais Gibson [06:02]:
“Fearful avoidants are often taking advantage of themselves in order to please others in order to stay safe. That’s usually an adaptation they learned in childhood.”
3. Shadow Work Self-Reflection Tools ([07:40])
Shadow Work Questions:
- Where do I need to bring this trait into balance within myself?
- Am I acting out this pattern in my relationship to myself—or to the person I’m judging?
- Have I ever taken advantage of myself or others, even in a small or indirect way?
Practical Exercise:
- Examine where in your life you:
- Take advantage of others (not always obviously)
- Allow yourself to be taken advantage of
- Are forced to ask for help because you gave too much (e.g., over-lending money)
Quote, Thais Gibson [08:33]:
“You allow yourself to ask for support. You allow your feelings to be heard and acknowledged. And you allow yourself to have a... an energetic exchange in your emotional relationships.”
Key Areas for Audit:
- All 7 Life Areas: Career, financial, mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, relationships (friends/family/romantic)
4. Common Fearful Avoidant Shadow Patterns ([12:00])
- Disrespect: Triggered by disrespect from others, often because they disrespect their own boundaries.
- Control:
- Fearful avoidants may not control others much, but they are often highly self-controlling due to past authoritarian parenting.
- Dismissiveness: Attracted to dismissive people due to being dismissive toward their own needs.
- Anxiety: May resonate with anxious people if they too are anxious about their own boundaries.
Quote, Thais Gibson [13:12]:
“Fearful avoidants are very controlling of themselves. So like how they live their life, what they do, their routines or structure—even if they don’t follow through, they try to be very controlling.”
5. Strategies for Healing and Integration ([15:00])
-
Action Steps:
- Identify where you act out these patterns toward yourself.
- Journal specific strategies to shift out of these self-sabotaging behaviors.
- Practice allowing support, expressing needs, and balancing self-care with care for others.
-
Concrete Examples:
- How can I stop taking advantage of myself to please others?
- How can I ease up on controlling my own life and allow for freedom?
- Where do I dismiss my needs, and how can I honor them now?
Quote, Thais Gibson [16:37]:
“Through that repeated, really daily basis work and showing up differently, you’re going to actually have the ability to reprogram.”
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On Relationship Shadows:
“These traits don’t have to be actually negative... your subconscious mind is seeking wholeness so it draws us to those things by the way of strong emotional output.”
— Thais Gibson [01:23] -
On Triggers as Healing Opportunities:
“The things that trigger them the most that tend to be most repressed in them as a general rule—number one, feeling taken advantage of...”
— Thais Gibson [05:32] -
Reflective Humor:
“Maybe they said they were gonna stay at your home for a week and they’ve been there for a year...”
— Thais Gibson [11:55]
(Illustrating how triggers and boundaries play out in real life)
Suggested Action Steps & Exercises
- Self-Audit in Seven Life Areas: ([11:00])
- Where are you giving too much or neglecting your own needs?
- Journal Prompts: ([15:00])
- “How can I start receiving and allow others to support me?”
- “What boundaries am I regularly violating with myself?”
- Daily Practice: ([16:37])
- Choose one small behavior to shift each day towards greater balance and integration.
Usefulness for Listeners
- This episode offers essential insight for anyone struggling with repetitive emotional triggers, especially related to relationships and self-worth.
- Thais Gibson provides both theoretical grounding (Jungian psychology) and actionable tools for self-discovery and real change, all delivered in a compassionate and practical tone.
Listen If You Want To:
- Understand why certain people trigger you so deeply
- Learn to reframe triggers as powerful guides for personal growth
- Acquire step-by-step exercises to integrate your “relationship shadow” and foster healthy, balanced relationships