The Thais Gibson Podcast
Episode: How to Effectively Communicate with An Avoidant Partner (This Changes Everything!)
Host: Thais Gibson
Date: October 22, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Thais Gibson delves into the complexities of communicating with a dismissive avoidant partner. Drawing from her private practice and research in attachment theory, Thais offers listeners five actionable strategies, rooted in neuroscience and practical experience, for bridging the communication gap without triggering withdrawal. She emphasizes that these tools are not a permanent fix for relationships lacking mutual effort but are aimed at fostering meaningful connection and clarity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Communicate Through Logic and Safety (00:58)

• Dismissive avoidants filter communication primarily through logic rather than emotion, as a form of self-protection.
• Emotional accusations or heightened tones ("Why don't you ever open up to me?") often cause them to retreat.
• Actionable tip: Translate emotional needs into clear, specific, and factual statements. Suggest practical activities to foster vulnerability (e.g., board games with connection questions).
• Quote:

  "If you can say it really factually, 'Hey, I want to feel closer to you. That looks like ABC.' ...you have such a greater chance of getting this person's buy in and attention and presence." (Thais Gibson, 07:12)

Notable Example (07:48)

• Instead of emotional demands, specify your needs:

  "Hey, I want us to be a little bit more vulnerable with each other... That looks like we stay in one night a week and we play a fun board game that gets us to ask questions to each other from a connection deck."

2. Respect Timing in Conflict (12:21)

• Dismissive avoidants process issues more slowly and dislike confrontation in the moment. Immediate, heated resolution feels overwhelming to them.
• Tip: Suggest a short break ("Let's take five minutes") and reconvene with a constructive approach.
• Quote:

  "If things are a little bit heated, hey, let's take five minutes and let's return to this discussion after we've taken a breath..." (Thais Gibson, 13:40)

• When returning, each person should bring one thing to validate the other's emotions and one compromise to try.

3. Neuroscientific Context (16:00)

• 2019 Study (Dr. Amir): Avoidantly attached individuals show reduced activity in the anterior insula (emotional awareness), explaining why they may misread or minimize feelings.
• 2021 Study (Dr. Hu): Heightened amygdala reactivity to emotional faces in avoidants means they perceive closeness as a threat.
• 2022 Study (Dr. Susan Johnson): Co-regulation techniques (slow voice, gentle eye contact) activate the vagus nerve, promoting connection and reducing defensive responses.
• Quote:

  "Successful communication with avoidance is not just about the words. It is about nervous system entrainment." (Thais Gibson, 18:18)

4. State Needs Without Ultimatums (19:10)

• Avoid negative or critical framing ("You never text me back"). Instead, positively frame your needs and invite collaboration.
• Example:

  "Consistency really helps me feel connected. Could we plan for check-ins that work on a daily basis for each of us?" (Thais Gibson, 19:46)

5. Use Open-Ended Communication (21:09)

• Avoidants can feel controlled or trapped if requests feel urgent or mandatory ("Do it now").
• Give options and flexibility in timing:

  "Are you able to do that sometime later this evening or tomorrow?" (Thais Gibson, 22:02)

• This reduces defensiveness and increases willingness to participate.

6. Time-Boxing Requests and Activities (23:11)

• Avoidants fear being engulfed—assuming conversations or requests will be long or indefinite.
• Tip: Specify realistic timeframes ("Let's talk for 15 minutes," or "Can we plan a phone call every Thursday for half an hour?").
• Quote:

  "If you can time box things and say, 'Hey, I'd love to spend more time together, and that looks like an extra phone call every Thursday evening for half an hour...' you would be shocked at how often you get this person's buy in." (Thais Gibson, 24:09)

Attachment Styles and Worst-Case Scenarios (25:15)

• All attachment styles jump to worst-case scenarios based on their core wounds (e.g., avoidants fear entrapment; anxious attachers, abandonment).

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Setting Boundaries and Deadlines:

  "Set a deadline. Practice these tools. See if it dramatically improves your needs getting met in the relationship and you feeling seen and heard. And if it doesn't, then you have a great answer for yourself. ...If it does, then it's a win." (Thais Gibson, 27:44)

• On Using Tools Sustainably:

  "This is not something you should do for the rest of your life if you're not seeing the other person co-participate... Here's how you can use them. It's up to you to set a deadline..." (Thais Gibson, 03:10)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:58 – Introduction to Dismissive Avoidant Communication
• 07:12 – Logic-Based Communication Methods
• 12:21 – Managing Timing and Emotional Escalation
• 16:00 – Neuroscience Behind Avoidant Behaviors
• 19:10 – Positive Versus Negative Framing
• 21:09 – Open-Ended, Flexible Requests
• 23:11 – Time-Boxing to Avoid Fears of Engulfment
• 27:44 – When to Set Boundaries or Walk Away

Tone and Language

Thais maintains an empathetic, encouraging, and gently directive tone throughout, repeatedly stressing self-care, practical reflection, and agency for listeners. She uses evidence-backed insights mixed with direct examples from practice, ensuring the advice feels actionable and compassionate.

Conclusion

Thais Gibson provides a thorough, research-informed guide for communicating with dismissive avoidant partners—balancing compassion, practicality, and self-responsibility. Her five-step approach (logic and safety, respecting timing, positive framing, open-endedness, and time-boxed requests) gives listeners both insight and concrete tools. The emphasis remains: these are effective skills to try, but lasting change requires buy-in from both partners.

For more resources on attachment styles and effective communication, Thais references her full communication course and research-backed worksheets, accessible via her site.