Podcast Summary: The Thais Gibson Podcast
Episode: If An Avoidant Does These 4 Things They’re Discarding You
Host: Thais Gibson
Release Date: October 6, 2025
Episode Overview
In this episode, Thais Gibson delves into the subtle yet telling behavioral patterns exhibited by dismissive avoidant partners when they are preparing to "discard" or distance themselves from a relationship. Gibson outlines four critical signs to watch out for, explores the psychological and neurochemical underpinnings behind these behaviors, and provides practical strategies for self-healing and boundary-setting. The episode empowers listeners to anticipate relationship shifts, regain agency in difficult attachment dynamics, and avoid falling into cycles of self-blame.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Recognizing the Signs – How Avoidants Discard (00:00–17:40)
The Four Major Signs:
- 1. Withdrawing Emotional Curiosity (00:55)
- Initially, a dismissive avoidant shows curiosity and asks meaningful questions.
- If this abruptly stops and they retreat more than usual, it indicates a possible impending discard.
- Quote:
"When a dismissive avoidant is dating somebody...they will actually tend to ask you meaningful questions...If that suddenly changes...these are signs that hey, this person may be on their way out." — Thais Gibson [01:25]
- 2. Flaw Finding & Devaluing Behaviors (02:50)
- Avoidants start identifying and verbalizing minor flaws about their partner, making subtle criticisms.
- These are often a reflection of their internal anxiety about intimacy, not true grievances.
- Quote:
"It's less about you and like these are your actual flaws and more about them making mountains out of molehills as a way to convince themselves that they'd be okay without you." — Thais Gibson [05:20]
- 3. Replacement of Intimacy with Creature Comforts (09:22)
- Avoidants may seek comfort in work, hobbies, or objects instead of their partner.
- This uptick in self-soothing through non-relational means is a clear sign.
- Quote:
"...They don't often soothe through people, they soothe through things. So you may see a dismissive avoidant spend all this time cleaning their car, or being so interested in their car, or tinkering...or throwing themselves into work." — Thais Gibson [10:15]
- 4. Communication Dries Up — The Biggest Sign (38:41)
- The ultimate red flag: a significant and persistent reduction in communication.
- Often the avoidant will not communicate their distancing verbally and instead hope the partner addresses it.
- Quote:
"...when you see that their communication really dries up...that could be one of the most major signs." — Thais Gibson [38:43]
2. The Science Behind Avoidant Behavior (17:41–23:50)
- Neuroscience of Connection and Disconnection
- Reference to a 2006 University of Virginia study by James Cone: hand-holding and emotional closeness reduce stress (cortisol drops).
- When avoidants withdraw, it actually elevates stress for their partner.
- Quote:
"...emotional closeness reduces stress responses in the brain...but when dismissive avoidants are constantly cutting off emotional closeness...this actually creates elevated cortisol in the brain." — Thais Gibson [17:58]
- Oxytocin and Attachment (2017 Study by Ruth Feldman)
- Physical and emotional closeness (eye contact, affection) reinforces bonding via oxytocin.
- Withdrawal decreases oxytocin, making partners feel abandoned and distressed.
- Quote:
"When an avoidant pulls away, this will dysregulate the connection between two people because oxytocin is dropping. And this actually creates relational distress." — Thais Gibson [20:42]
3. Healing & Self-Protection Strategies (23:51–38:40)
Stop the Cycle of Self-Blame
- Many with anxious or fearful-avoidant attachment start to internalize the avoidant's behavior as a personal shortcoming.
- Pattern interrupts (“cancel, cancel”) using neuro-linguistic programming and reframing help challenge negative self-narratives.
- Quote:
"There's this very subtle form of self-blame when you make somebody else's behavior mean something about you...all it does is reinforce your own core wounds." — Thais Gibson [25:16]
Boundary-Setting Is Essential
- Avoid people-pleasing or self-silencing in response to avoidant distancing.
- Clearly communicate needs and specific boundaries (e.g., request a definite action such as a date night or regular check-ins).
- Quote:
"If you're too general and ambiguous, it won't often register fully with a dismissive avoidant...you have to be really clear and specific and you put yourself in a win-win scenario this way." — Thais Gibson [31:40]
Let Go of the Outcome
- Citing the Buddha: “You only lose what you cling to.”
- Focus on what you can control (your communication, your boundaries), not how the other person will respond.
- Quote:
"If you're clinging so hard to an outcome, you are putting your focus and energy and intention in the wrong places." — Thais Gibson [36:24]
Memorable Quotes & Moments
-
On Anticipating Avoidant Discards
“My hope is that by us diving in here today, you are going to be able to foretell whether or not these things might happen and have some semblance of control over how you choose to respond.” — Thais Gibson [00:32]
-
On Self-Respect and Boundaries
"...Guard your heart above all else. And I don't think this is coming from a place of, oh, be on guard and be defensive...But it's...You have to take yourself into consideration in relationships." — Thais Gibson [33:38]
Timestamps for Important Segments
| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|---------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Introduction to avoidant discard patterns | | 00:55 | First sign: Withdrawing emotional curiosity | | 02:50 | Second sign: Flaw finding and devaluing behaviors | | 09:22 | Third sign: Replacing intimacy with creature comforts | | 17:41 | Neuroscience: Connection, cortisol, and stress | | 20:35 | Oxytocin research on bonding and distress | | 23:51 | Why self-blame is a trap and pattern-interrupt exercise | | 31:40 | How to set effective boundaries with avoidants | | 33:38 | On guarding your heart and self-respect | | 36:24 | Letting go of outcome control | | 38:41 | Fourth and biggest sign: Communication dries up |
Tone and Language
Thais Gibson’s delivery is empathetic, validating, and practical. She balances research and real-world experiences, using metaphor and supportive language to guide listeners toward self-compassion, awareness, and empowered action.
Summary Takeaways
- Watch for sudden shifts: reduced curiosity, subtle criticism, replacement of partnership with hobbies or work, and most notably, decreasing communication.
- Avoid internalizing avoidant behaviors as personal failings—use pattern interrupts and cognitive reframes.
- Boundaries are crucial: be specific in communications to test relational viability and protect yourself.
- Ultimately, focus on actionable steps and your own wellbeing, rather than trying to control or predict the avoidant partner's reactions.
Ideal for: Anyone navigating a relationship with a dismissive avoidant, or those interested in attachment dynamics, self-healing, and personal boundaries.