The Thais Gibson Podcast

Episode: My Daughter Won’t Talk to Me | A Dad’s Guide to Reconnecting
Host: Thais Gibson
Date: January 31, 2026

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and insightful episode, Thais Gibson offers a compassionate, step-by-step guide for fathers seeking to reconnect with estranged daughters—drawing from her own personal experience of family estrangement and professional expertise in relationship healing. The episode blends Thais’s moving family narrative with practical tools, empathy, and actionable strategies for rebuilding trust and emotional closeness, even after long-standing disconnection.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Thais’s Personal Story of Estrangement and Reconciliation

Early family dynamics: Thais opens by sharing her upbringing in a household marked by a passionate, intense relationship between her parents and a challenging divorce filled with confusion and miscommunication.
Estrangement from her father: As a teenager, Thais internalized family pain and cut off contact with her dad for nearly six years, influenced by partial information, family patterns of emotional cutoff, and her own coping mechanisms.

“I didn't speak to my father at all for years of my life. I blamed my father for a lot of things because of a lot of lack of information in some cases.” (00:17)
Turnaround moment: At 21, during a personal-growth course, Thais was prompted to re-examine her story and confront her feelings of betrayal. She realized how, despite the rejection, her father had consistently reached out, demonstrating unwavering care.

“No matter what, he would text me once, sometimes twice a week, and he would repeatedly try to call throughout those years as well, and I wouldn’t answer…” (08:30)
Profound empathy and forgiveness: Thais’s ‘Starbucks moment’ (09:45–12:30)—putting herself in her father’s shoes—was a deeply cathartic emotional breakthrough leading to genuine forgiveness, renewed connection, and a healthier approach to all her relationships.

“Actually putting myself in his shoes and seeing the heartbreak he would have had to endure… all these years of resentment and anger... just washed away.” (11:45)
Broad takeaway: Whatever we don’t forgive in our parents, Thais argues, we often bring into adult relationships (13:40).

Five Powerful Steps for Dads to Reconnect with Their Daughters

1. Get Out of Learned Helplessness

Key concept: Fathers often freeze after repeated rejection, wrongly concluding their child doesn’t care or doesn’t want contact.

“Your child cares so much and your child wants to hear from you, but because they're your child, they expect you to lead the way.” (17:40)
Practical tip: Consistent small gestures (such as a weekly text or sharing a positive memory) matter more than grand gestures. These signals of stability and care are the foundation of rebuilding trust.

“Small, consistent gestures over time show stability, consistency, which… are foundational building blocks of trust.” (20:10)

2. Don’t Rush into Explaining or Justifying Yourself

Common mistake: Parents sometimes use early interactions to prove themselves, defend their side of the story, or seek validation.

“If I can just explain it to them, if I can just tell them why it’s not my fault… then they’ll finally understand me and I won’t lose them again.” (23:30)
Better approach: Prioritize curiosity about your daughter—ask questions about her life, be present, and rebuild emotional safety. Let showing trump telling.

“Start by getting to know them again. Start by asking them questions, being curious about who they are.” (27:30)

3. Connect to Your Child’s Needs

Bonding tip: Pay attention to what lights up your daughter—her passions, what she talks about, what she brings to her daily life.

“A huge part of the way we bond… is we try to notice what their needs are. Their needs are going to be the things that they naturally talk about the most…” (31:05)
Actionable advice: Engage on her topics of interest, support her passions even if they’re different from your own.

4. Process Your Own Emotions First

Self-care reminder: Address your own feelings of grief, abandonment, or hurt outside of interactions with your daughter.

“If you have not processed your abandonment, your hurt, your frustration…the fears can lead to you clinging too much or becoming controlling… or shutting down.” (34:56)
Impact: Unprocessed emotions can inadvertently push your daughter further away.

5. Validate Her Feelings and Needs

Crucial skill: When your daughter shares pain or frustration, focus on validating her experience rather than fixing it or defending yourself.

“I see that you feel a little bit hurt right now. This is hard, but I really care, and what can I do to try to make it better?” (37:20)
Language tips: Ask open questions (“What can I do to support you?”), express willingness to weather difficulties together, and model humanity and humility.

“People who thrive in human relationships… know how to ask the right questions.” (38:15)

Additional Supportive Steps and Wisdom

Share Yourself in Small Doses

Gradual sharing: Offer small updates about your own life, but avoid making the relationship all about you, especially early on.

“Share yourself slowly over time…so that she can see and come to know who you are.” (42:15)

Accountability and Apology

When the time is right: If you made mistakes, be willing to own them and apologize face-to-face after reestablishing some trust.

“If you do feel like there were mistakes that you made as a parent, that you were able to honor those, that you were able to own them to be accountable. I mean, accountability is one of the most foundational building blocks of trust.” (44:05)

The Universality of Reconnection

Thais's core belief:

“No matter how long you’ve gone without talking, you can really have a deeply connected, close relationship with somebody, even if you’re starting from miles apart.” (45:48)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the impact of consistent effort:

“Stability and consistency are foundational building blocks of trust.” (20:22)
On empathy and healing:

“When I think of this, it's not sad, it's like cathartic. It was something that so deeply, like, changed and softened my heart.” (12:00)
On the parent’s leadership role:

“Your child expects you to lead the way… to know that it's safe for them to connect with you.” (17:50)
On mistakes and accountability:

“If you made a mistake as a parent, that's okay. You're a human being and you're going to make mistakes. Everybody does and everybody will. But it's how we address those mistakes.” (44:19)

Timestamps for Important Segments

00:00–03:00 – Thais shares her family background and early estrangement
08:30–13:40 – Transformational empathy moment, ‘Starbucks story,’ and lessons on forgiveness
17:40 – Step 1: Overcoming learned helplessness
23:30–27:30 – Step 2: Common reconnection mistakes and focusing on your child’s world
31:05 – Step 3: Tuning into your daughter’s needs
34:56 – Step 4: Processing your own pain
37:20–38:15 – Step 5: Emotional validation and connection-building phrases
42:15 – Bonus step: Gradual sharing of your life story
44:05–45:48 – When and how to apologize and be accountable
47:00 – Closing encouragement and core belief in reconnection

Episode Tone and Language

Warm, honest, and deeply empathetic, Thais combines professional insight with vulnerability and authenticity. She frequently addresses the listener in the second person, offers reassurance, and emphasizes that transformation and healing are possible—no matter the history or current distance.

Summary

Thais Gibson’s episode is a powerful resource for fathers (and parents in general) seeking to heal estranged relationships with their daughters. Through her own story, Thais illustrates the profound effects of consistent effort, empathy, accountability, and patience. The five-step guide is practical, sensitive, and rooted in lived experience and professional wisdom. Key tools include escaping learned helplessness, focusing on your child’s needs, handling your own emotions, validating your daughter’s feelings, and gradually rebuilding trust—reminding listeners that love, vulnerability, and accountability can truly bridge even deeply entrenched divides.

Transcript

A (0:00)

My own parents went through a really difficult divorce. There was a lot of confusion, a lot of miscommunication, some really big challenges that happened. I didn't speak to my father at all for years of my life. I blamed my father for a lot of things because of a lot of lack of information in some cases. I really believed for a period of time that my personal path to healing was going to be to shut down. No matter how disconnected you are, no matter how long you've gone without speaking to this person that you love, your child, you can turn the ship around. Because I saw this. Not, not just my own case, but I've worked with so many people on this, and I really think that this will help get the momentum and help you see the situation differently and be able to shed some of the pain that you've probably been carrying as the father in this situation, because I know that it can't have been easy. Her name is Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. I hope I pronounce her name properly. Thaise Gibson. I am so excited for you to be here with me today. Thank you for joining us. If your daughter has stopped talking to you, believe it or not, she still likely loves you and loves you very much. In fact, she probably loves you and is so confused, lost, and hurt by the disconnect because of how much she cares, that she puts up walls to protect herself. And if you're not speaking right now, it doesn't actually necessarily mean that the relationship is doomed forever. And in today's video, I'm gonna take you through five powerful steps that can help you build that bridge and learn to reconnect. No matter how much time has passed or no matter how helpless you are feeling right now, before we even get into those five steps, I'm gonna share this with you because I'm hoping that my own story will give you hope. So, as a very short version of a long story, I grew up in a family where there was a lot of passion, a lot of intensity between my parents, and a lot of deep care and a lot of deep love. But unfortunately, my own parents went through a really difficult divorce. There was a lot of confusion, a lot of miscommunication, some really big challenges that happened. And I won't get into all of that just out of respect to my own family. But at the end of the day, I was somebody who, as a kid, you know, ended up taking a lot of the pain and not having my own understanding and not having A complete understanding here, a little hearing, a little bit more of one side of a story than the other, which essentially led to me cutting off my father as a kid. I didn't speak to my father at all for years of my life. I played soccer in university and got a full ride soccer scholarship to a university in Georgia. And I cut off my dad. I left home at 17, didn't talk to my father. I grew up in a family where a lot of people cut each other off. It was something that I saw a lot of and I was sort of exposed to at a young age. So it was normalized. And I was also very much taking in a lot of the pain and challenges I saw growing up between different members of my family throughout a lot of my family, even extended family. And it sort of parted my heart. And I blamed my father for a lot of things because of a lot of lack of information in some cases or wrong information or incompleteness of things. And I thought that my path, I really believed for a period of time that my personal path to healing was going to be to shut down. And there was points of time I didn't speak to my mother as well. Like I really shut everybody out of my life. And part of that was because of my own challenges and the phase of life that I was in. But a lot of that is that I absorbed a lot of the pain from my childhood. Which if you're watching this, chances are that if your daughter has disconnected from you, she's going through some sort of variation of that. And I did this for years. So I actually had just spoken to my father before making this video and I thought I had stopped talking to him for, you know, about four years. And he said no, six years. We had some conversation in that six years, but for the better part of six years and today, fast forward many years, we've had a really amazing relationship for the last many years, and that was thanks to the work of both of our parts. But honestly, there were a lot of things that my father did that I think helped me in really learning to see things differently, Forgive, let my guard down. And I really just want to share from the professional standpoint, but also from the personal standpoint of what it's like to be a daughter in a situation like that. Probably if you're listening to this, there may be traces or similarities in terms of what your daughter might have gone through. And I can't wait to just share this with you. I think that it's so powerful to move through a lot of this now. To dip a little bit deeper into the story, I want to share a more specific thing that happened that really changed everything for me. And we'll pull this into some of the major steps that I'll take you through today. But I remember I was 21 years old and I got really into personal growth. I decided I wanted to change my life, wanted to heal. I've been doing a good bit of work and healing, and I remember doing a course that was a certification course that was trauma informed. And I sat down and it said, okay, what are your stories about your parents? And let's change them. So I sat down and a big narrative I had around my father was this narrative of betrayal and that I felt betrayed by different situations. And the course asked me to sit down and say, well, where was the opposite also true? And one of the suggested words for the opposite was cherished. And, you know, I'm 21 years old and my heart is sort of hardened, and I've learned to shut down as a coping mechanism. And I went, oh, cherished, okay. You know, well, there was this and this, and I was sort of intellectualizing it, but I wanted to keep an open mind and an open heart because I knew that there were going to be things that I wasn't quite seeing. And I looked and I said, okay, no, no, no. Where did I feel cherished and what I realized? And honestly, I feel like it's. I get emotional every time I tell this story. What. What I realized is that during the years that I hadn't spoken to my father, that no matter what, he would text me once, sometimes twice a week, and he would repeatedly try to call throughout those years as well, and I wouldn't answer, and I would ignore the call and I would shut him out. And at 21 years old, for the first time, I sat there and thought about what it would feel like to be my father. And I thought about all of the times that he would sit there and know that I wasn't going to answer, that he would text me anyways because that's what he wanted to do and that he wasn't giving up. And for the first time, I was sitting there and I was sitting in a Starbucks coffee shop doing this work, and I sat there and I remember being like, oh, my gosh, actually putting myself in his shoes and seeing the heartbreak that he would have had to endure and go through to go through that. And I remember sitting there and I had sunglasses on, and I remember putting my sunglasses on thinking, oh, God, I'm going to cry. In the Starbucks. And then, you know, the tears are flowing, the tears are flowing. And I kept just envisioning my dad sitting there texting, trying to reach out, knowing he was going to get rejected. It makes me like, emotional to think about now and knowing that he was going to keep enduring that rejection no matter what. And I went from sitting in the coffee shop with the sunglasses on to being like, oh my gosh, I'm going to bawl, I'm going to like actually sob. And walking into the bathroom and thank God there was nobody in the bathroom. And I just opened the door and shut it and I honestly dropped to my knees and I stopped. And I. When I think of this, it's not sad, it's like cathartic. It was something that so deeply, like change and soften my heart because I had carried all of this, like, resentment. And it really deeply changed for me. I'm having a hard time honestly not getting emotional, telling the story because it just like it was so deeply heart opening for me. It was so deeply life changing to see that and to realize that. And all of these years of resentment and anger that I had carried in a large part due to a lot of misunderstandings, it felt like I just washed away. Like, just really deeply realizing that. And that honestly like rebuilt and transformed the relationship that I have to my father today. And we have a wonderful relationship now. And it's something I'm so grateful for. And honestly, it's something that has allowed me to have a very healthy marriage to an amazing man today. I always say that whatever we don't forgive in our parents, we often bring into our adult romance relationships. And I do really believe that. And it also, as a person, taught me the beauty of forgiveness. Like, you know, I'm going to get into the steps in just a second, I promise. But it taught me the beauty of forgiveness. It was something that transformed my life in such a meaningful way because I had no idea how to forgive before that. And when I just felt like all of that, it was very cathartic. Like this deep emotion wash over me and just kind of pour out of me and be released. I was like, I need to do this with everything. How do I. How do I get into a place where I can let go of more stuff? Because that just felt so powerful to let go of. And so my hope is that in going into this today, I can share a little bit of that personal narrative with you. And some of the things that a. I work with personally, but I also worked in private practice and then have been in this field for about 14 years now, helping people in all sorts of ways in their relationship. So I'm going to share guide with you, and I want you to know that if you're here listening today, there can be a lot of reasons. There can be endless reasons of misunderstanding, of pain, of mistakes. I mean, we could go into anything and everything in terms of why daughters, you know, disconnect from their fathers. But I truly believe that no matter how disconnected you are, no matter how long you've gone without speaking to this person, that you love your child, that you can turn the ship around. Because I saw this, not just my own case, but I've worked with so many people on this, and I'm going to give you a guide. And honestly, we can go into so much more than this. There's so much nuance to some of these steps. But I really think that this will help get the momentum and help you see the situation differently and be able to shed some of the pain that you've probably been carrying as the father in this situation. Because I know that it can't have been easy. Starting with number one. Okay? And I would see this all the time with fathers, and I get it. I get where it's coming from, but it's the worst mistake to make, and it makes everything so difficult. The first thing is you have to get out of learned helplessness. So one of the biggest things I would see all the time is that so much time passed and fathers felt so frozen when it came to talking to their kids. They felt so like, where would I even begin? How? And they assume that because their child's not talking to them and they've probably had a couple of times where they've tried to reach out and reconnect and they've been shut down or shut off that they freeze and they tell themselves the story that, oh, my child doesn't want to talk to me. I promise you, your child cares so much and your child wants to hear from you, but because they're your child, they expect you to lead the way. They expect to have that reinforcement and connection from their parent first, to know that it's safe for them to connect with you. And I think that fathers get into the situation where they think that because they've been rejected, they assume that their child's like, no, I'm not forgiving. I truly don't want to hear from this person. And guess what? Sometimes your kids will say that. Sometimes they'll say, I don't want to talk to you ever. Again, and it's not a reflection of reality. It's a reflection, the vast majority of the time, of their hurt. Okay? So they're speaking from hurt, not truth. And so the first thing is that you have to get out of learned helplessness. And too many fathers, they give up. They think, okay, my child doesn't want to talk to me, so they give up. I can tell you right now, there's probably not a child on the planet that is in a position where they're like, oh, I want my parent to cut me off and to never talk to me either. Okay? That's probably not the reality at all. Okay? So number one, get out of learned helplessness. It doesn't mean you have to be showing up at the door with flowers all of a sudden. It means that what you ideally want to be doing is, even if it's small, even if it's like, you know, in the story with my own father, like, send a message once a week and have some sort of element of consistency. Hey, I'm thinking about you. Hey, I miss you. Hey, you know, was thinking of this memory with you. Hey, was thinking of this time with you and how much fun we had. Or hey, would love to try ABC with you. Like, would love to go on a hike with you. You know, whatever it might be. You want to speak from a place of showing consistency and care. And even if it's small and even if it's hard, then that's gonna be the best approach. Okay? And this is what we're gonna do in terms of building a foundation. Small things, if you do really big things, really grandiose gestures, too much, too early, that can feel confusing to somebody. But small, consistent gestures over time show stability, consistency, which in turn. Stability and consistency are foundational building blocks of trust. And once there's trust that that person, your daughter, will let her guard down and be more open to actually connecting again. Okay? So think of that stability, that consistency, that effort as being something that signifies to your daughter that they might be able to trust you and reconnect with you. Okay? So that's just like a very high level point number one. Okay? Point. Number two is as that happens, if you start to get some exchanges and communication. And honestly, I can go so into depth about how to communicate and what to say, but I'm going to take you through some higher level pieces in a moment. But number two, is that one of the worst things that I would see fathers do or parents do, because this does happen every so often with mothers as well, is that when you actually start spending time around your child, if you're getting access to them, unfortunately, because the father, when they lose interaction with their child, they grieve as well. And sometimes you lose interaction with your kids because you weren't showing up for a period of time, and then you guilt yourself into oblivion. And then you think, no, I'm not even worth having a connection. They're better off without me. And you justify all of these things. And so then when you go into finally interacting with your child, if this does happen years later, far too often fathers make this crucial mistake. And the mistake is that especially, especially if they were the type of, you know, situation where they were pit against their child by the other parent. So let's say the mother pit the father against the kids. The father, it has experienced so much grief. And believe it or not, you go through your own deep abandonment issues, losing connection to your own child, to the point that then you think, okay, if I can just explain it to them, if I can just tell them why it's not my fault and why there's more to this story, then by explaining this to them, they will be in a position where they will end up finally understanding me and I won't lose them again. And I saw this over and over again with fathers. It was so heartbreaking. They would come to me and say, you know, it's not going well. You know, I'd meet them for the first time. They'd say, I'm trying to reconnect with my daughter, but I'm seeing this situation where it's like I spend time with them and they just resent me more. And I'd unpack with them, well, what are you doing? What kind of conversation are you having? And they jump into either trying to prove themselves to their daughter because they feel guilty, and now they're overcompensating by trying to prove themselves and say who they are and how they can be a good father and sort of proven that way, or more often than not, try to make the child understand their point of view for what went wrong, especially in really tricky divorces. And all that leads is, especially if a child was pitted against the father, it leads this child to sit there and think, see, all you want to do is talk about yourself. See all it is about you. Oh my gosh, you are selfish. All these narratives that I've heard are true. And it's not coming from that. The relationship you have to it as a father is not coming from trying to be selfish or trying to get your daughter to think you're so amazing. Usually your relationship to that is coming from a place of like, I need to be heard and understood because if they just understand me, I won't lose them again. It unfortunately drives a bigger wedge the vast majority of the time between you and your child. What you need to be able to do instead is start by getting to know them again. Start by asking them questions, being curious about who they are. Because kids need to feel safe, they need to feel seen, they need to feel special. And part of rebuilding that connection is feeling like rather than you telling them who you are, show them, ask them questions about them. Be present, be attuned, be interested in their lives, even if they're slow to open up. Be curious anyways, have patience to know that some of that information that you learn about them might be something that takes time to build up. And as you do that, you are showing them who you are. And that is the only thing that ultimately will help you overcome the different stories. You can always come back once you've really built a relationship and explain some details or some things that you felt like were miscommunications or they misunderstood about you. But if that happens too early, I'm telling you, it will drive your child further away. Okay, so that's really. Number two, I have a free gift for you that we're doing just for a limited time. It is a course all about nervous system regulation and somatic processing of emotions. It will help you feel secure, safe and connected to yourself. It's one of our six major pillars of healing your attachment style. And it's literally for free with our seven day free trial, access to the personal development school and you can check it out down below. Number three. And part of this in terms of how to communicate is learning to connect to your child's needs. Every person has a unique set of needs and it's when they feel the most connected to other people is when they're actually in those needs. So for example, I'm somebody who loves personal growth and if I go and I meet a stranger at the park and I'm sitting on a park bench and they talk about personal growth, I will immediately feel like I click with them. If I instead meet a stranger and they want to talk about history and I kind of don't like history very much, I'm not that interested. Well then I'm going to feel kind of like I want to get away from the stranger on the park bench, I want to go do something else because it's not in alignment with My subconscious needs. So a huge part of the way we bond, especially with people that we're trying to get to know, is is we try to notice what their needs are. Their needs are going to be the things that they naturally talk about the most, the things that they actually surround themselves with. So if they always have, you know, a soccer ball around, maybe they love soccer or sports, if they always have some sort of type of book around that's maybe related to personal growth or to math or to science or, you know, to some sort of entertainment, those are the things that they probably really care about and think about a lot. And so when somebody's talking to you and the things that you actually value that you find really interesting, that's when you start to build momentum. Okay? So being in a position where you can notice. What does my child talk about the most? Maybe not just to me, but to their friends. What does my daughter, you know, light up when she talks about? What? What does she always bring around her with always close to her, and maybe she is really interested in her friends, ask questions about her friends, but these types of things. So noticing some of her needs and the things that are of interest to her and asking her questions, being present, being curious about that. And even if you don't have all the right questions or you don't say all the right things, do not hold yourself to a state of perfection. It doesn't. Every time you spend time with her doesn't have to be perfect. And if it wasn't perfect, everything's going to crash and burn and fall apart. You just have to show across time that you're caring, that you are present and that you want to get to know her, that those are the most, again, foundational building blocks, okay? So really connecting to her needs, learning to be present. And also, you know, I want to say, and this is our point number four here, is that you want to make sure that in general, you process your hurt around this. You have to process your own emotions first. If you have not processed your abandonment, your hurt, your frustration with the situation, your helplessness, your grief, you are going to take it into the relationship with your daughter. You're going to feel some degree because you're a human and it's going to happen. You might feel some degree of resentment back to her because she hurt your heart, too. Okay? And it's such a tricky thing because, you know, at the end of the day, the parent is the parent. And especially if your daughter is a child, it's obviously the parent's responsibility to know how to show up or to do their best and to definitely lead the way back to reconciliation. But it doesn't mean that you aren't carrying something. And sometimes those things that you haven't worked through, those fears can lead to you clinging too much or becoming controlling of the situation, or can lead to you shutting down yourself that she'll pick up on as hurt and then push you away back. Like, there can be a lot of really nuanced situations here. It doesn't mean you have to process everything and be perfect, but it's really important for you to learn to process some of your emotions as well in the situation. Another really big and important one is to learn to validate her feelings. So when she feels hurt or frustrated, and this is really number five, when she feels hurt or frustrated, you want to be able to say, hey, I see that this is uncomfortable for you right now, and maybe I don't have all the answers, the perfect thing to say, but I'm here and I care. And if you can say, hey, I get that this hurts, or hey, I know that this is hard, or hey, I know that this is a little bit uncomfortable, but I want to keep building with you. We're not going to always be perfect, but I want to keep connecting. Let's try to figure out how to talk through this. Or what do you need to feel better right now? Like, what can I do to support you? If you ask these types of questions, these are the ways that you don't have to ever have a perfect answer. Nobody has all the answers. People who thrive in human relationships, especially in familial relationships, they don't have all the answers, but they know how to ask the right questions. And so just some things to have on hand. And again, I can put this more in depth in a guide because I have all this material up here from working with people around this. But you can say things like, I see that you feel a little bit hurt right now. This is hard, but I really care, and what can I do to try to make it better? And you can also say, hey, I'm here to rebuild with you. I know that we're going to go through hard times sometimes, but I'm here to weather those hard times and to figure it out together. These types of things help a child realize that you're the leader in this situation and that they can follow your lead, that you're trusted to that if you have faith that you're going to figure things out in the relationship and if you show that and if you show commitment and effort. And if you show your humanity, because humanity is so important, your own vulnerability, hey, I'm not perfect. I make mistakes sometimes, but I want to try to work through them. And I'm going to be okay if you make mistakes too. I'm here for you too. When you show humanity, when you show humility, when you show that you can validate her emotions, you can empathize with her, when you ask her what she needs or what would make things better, even if she doesn't know right away, those are things that help build such a powerful bridge of connection between people, no matter how difficult things are or no matter how far apart you currently are from that person. And it goes a very, very long way. And the very last thing that I'll say, because I could really take a four hour video about this, but the last thing they'll say is that it's really important that you share a little bit of yourself over time too. So small life updates, little things that are going on about yourself, they don't have to be big things and you definitely don't want to connect with her and then like be in the spotlight and make it all about you because that could reinforce, especially if you're in a bad divorce and there's been some pitting from one parent against another, those types of situations. Share yourself slowly over time, you know, have the conversation where you give updates. Oh, I had, you know, this is what my boss is like at work, or, you know, these are the people I'm working with, or this is what I did on the weekend so that she can see and come to know who you are and if you are able to show up and you're able to get to know her and be present and be curious and be attuned, if you're able to show that consistent effort across time, irrespective of potentially feeling rejected or feeling like it's hard sometimes. If you were able to connect to her needs and figure out, you know, what makes her light up and speak into those things and support her in those things and validate her feelings and share a little bit over time about you. And if you're able to be the leader in knowing that you're not going to be perfect, that neither of you is going to have the perfect answer to everything but that you're going to keep showing up, you're going to keep asking what, what she needs to bridge those gaps and you're going to say, hey, I'm here to weather the storms. I want to rebuild this with you doing these things, I personally believe, because I've seen it over and over again, not just in my own life, but also in, in countless relationships that have helped people through some of these things around. I personally believe that no matter how long you've gone without talking, you can really have a deeply connected, close relationship with somebody, even if you're starting from miles apart. And I do have one last really big one here that the timing has to be right for. This isn't something that you necessarily want to do over a text message before spending time together, but if you have started to reconnect and build a little bit of a bonus bond and you've had a couple of times hanging out together, one of the most important things is that if you do feel like there were mistakes that you made as a parent, that you were able to honor those, that you were able to own them to be accountable. I mean, accountability is one of the most foundational building blocks of trust. If we know that somebody we're in a relationship with made a mistake and they're willing to come and say, hey, I made a mistake. This is what I did wrong, I apologize, you know, I'm owning my part. Not only does that show tremendous courage, it's. It shows vulnerability, it shows trustworthiness, and it shows that you are somebody who can actually work through something in a relationship. Because we are human beings. If you made a mistake as a parent, that's okay. You're a human being and you're going to make mistakes. Everybody does and everybody will. But it's how we address those mistakes. It's how we address those human moments and human challenges that go such a long way. And so as a parent, being able to lead with that courage, it says, hey, I'm not perfect and here's where I went wrong. That truly is so meaningful to kids in terms of things that they're holding on to or things that they felt hurt by. It really allows them to reconcile. And a huge part of forgiveness is us being able to see those things, have those conversations. And it's also a huge part of what makes for healthy marriages and long term relationships in so many ways. But that's a really important part. Of course, the timing does matter for big conversations, but hopefully that helps as a really powerful bonus tip as well. I hope this is helpful for you. It's such a sensitive topic to so many people and my heart really feels for people who are going through this, both the children who are missing their fathers and fathers themselves who are deeply missing their kids, and don't know what to do, but I'm here to support you and guide you through this. And if you have questions, let me know in the comments down below. You can also subscribe to this channel for more videos. Thank you for watching. 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