The Thais Gibson Podcast
Episode: Shocking Signs An Avoidant Is About to Leave & How to Protect Yourself
Date: March 11, 2026
Host: Thais Gibson

Overview

In this episode, Thais Gibson explores how to identify whether a dismissive avoidant partner is actually ready to change, and what “doing the work” really looks like. She demystifies healthy and unhealthy signs in avoidant partners, provides actionable advice for protecting yourself, and empowers listeners to evaluate not just their partner’s potential but the real behaviors in the relationship.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Importance of Action Over Intention

• Behavior vs. Promises:

  • Thais stresses that wanting to do the work (“I’ll read that book one day, I’ll go to therapy one day”) is not the same as actually doing it.
  • Quote:

    “Somebody doing the work actually has to exist in their behavior, not their desires.” (03:05)

  • She emphasizes that only actions create meaningful change, not hopeful promises or intentions.

• Subconscious Mind’s Role:

  • The majority (95–97%) of our behaviors are driven by our subconscious and unconscious minds, not our momentary intentions.

2. Green Flags vs. Red Flags in Avoidant Partners

• Green Flags:

  • The avoidant partner is proactively learning, reading, or practicing vulnerability and better communication.
  • They can reflect on their patterns and report specific actions they’re taking.
  • Quote:

    “If you see somebody doing things in their behaviors, that’s going to be the most important thing.” (06:27)

• Red Flags:

  • The avoidant only talks about change without actual evidence.
  • Quote:

    "If somebody was like, ‘I would like to,’ but they’re not already doing anything, that’s a really big red flag. That’s going to stay a red flag.” (04:50)

• Perfection Isn’t Required:

  • Imperfection is natural, but ongoing effort and growth are what matter.

3. Signs Your Avoidant Partner is Actually Doing the Work (08:30)

Thais lists the main behavioral indicators to look for:

• Practicing vulnerability
• Being present
• Becoming aware of their own emotions
• Communicating more instead of withdrawing
• Accountability for their role in conflicts
• Willingness to compromise and co-regulate

“If you see things that indicate the needle is moving, those are the most important things.” (07:50)

4. Recognizing & Addressing Core Wounds

• Repetitive Triggers:

  • If you notice you get triggered by the same fears (abandonment, control, etc.) in multiple types of relationships, unresolved core wounds may be driving these patterns.

• Impact on Life:

  • Left unresolved, these core wounds become the “glass ceilings” you keep hitting, not just in romance but in all relationships and even career.

• Hope for Change:

  • These patterns are changeable, with awareness and practical steps.

5. Don’t Date Someone's Potential (13:10)

• Danger of ‘The Fantasy’:

  • Thais warns against being attached to an idealized version of your partner rather than their actual, current behaviors.
  • Quote:

    “Dating somebody’s potential looks like you being in a position where you’re more connected to the fantasy of the person and how they could be rather than what they are actually doing.” (13:10)

• Self-Check Questions:

  • On a scale of 1–10, ask yourself how heard and met your needs feel in the relationship.
  • Pay attention to how the relationship feels in your body (anxious, safe, walking on eggshells).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Accountability:

  “Are you the type of personality that’s going to reflect and introspect and be accountable and want to grow and be taking action?” (05:15)

• On Realistic Expectations:

  "Nobody’s going to come with like the perfect patterns to bring into a relationship.” (05:00)

• On Core Wounds and Triggers:

  “If you do not resolve them, you will feel stuck and you will feel like you are repeating the same types of dramatic patterns in your life, not knowing how to get out of them or find a solution.” (10:30)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:00–03:05] – Introduction & Defining Real Change
• [03:05–05:15] – Behavior Versus Promised Change
• [05:15–06:27] – Healthy Imperfection and Accountability
• [06:27–08:30] – What Action Really Looks Like For Avoidants
• [08:30–10:30] – Core Wounds: How Repeated Triggers Manifest
• [13:10–14:55] – Dangers of Dating Someone’s Potential, Self-Check Questions

Tone & Advice

Thais maintains a compassionate, practical, and empowering tone throughout, encouraging listeners to focus on evidence, not fantasy, and to take responsibility for their own growth as well. She de-stigmatizes insecure attachment but stresses that true relationship health comes from consistent, observable change.

Summary Takeaway:
Don’t get caught up in your partner’s potential or promises of change—watch for actual behaviors that indicate growth. If you notice red flags with no progress, it’s a “big deal.” Use self-reflection to gauge your own feelings and needs, and remember, real transformation begins at the subconscious level and is reflected in daily actions, not distant aspirations.