Podcast Summary: The Thais Gibson Podcast

Episode: Signs a Dismissive Avoidant Is in Limerence
Host: Thais Gibson
Guest: Mike (Recovered Dismissive Avoidant)
Date: November 28, 2025

Overview

This episode explores the often misunderstood experience of limerence—intense, obsessive infatuation—within individuals who have a Dismissive Avoidant (DA) attachment style. Host Thais Gibson and guest Mike (a self-described "recovered DA") debunk the myth that DAs don’t obsess over others and offer deep insights into what limerence looks like for this attachment style. The discussion is grounded in personal stories, psychological frameworks, and emphasizes the unmet needs or repressed traits that drive such intense experiences. The episode delivers practical ways to identify if a DA is secretly obsessed with you, why this happens, and ends with a bonus on which genders and attachment styles are most susceptible to celebrity limerence.

Mike's Personal Story of Dismissive Avoidant Limerence

The Scenario (03:19 – 08:58):

• Mike recounts meeting a woman at a restaurant during vacation. She was visually and stylistically his opposite—outgoing, alternative/gothic, with tattoos and bold self-expression.
• He found himself captivated by how she embodied traits he suppressed ("I wished I could be more like that" [06:04]).
• After his vacation, Mike obsessively checked her social media, liked every post (no matter the content), fantasized about contact, and struggled to move on.
• He offered only very indirect signals of interest: “I should come back and visit or something like that… She was like, yeah… it wasn’t really, like, definitely, yeah, come visit.” (08:08)
• He internalized the obsession, rarely sharing vulnerabilities or intentions directly: “I was hoping she would say something…” (07:28)
• Mike describes classic limerence behaviors: fantasizing, idealization, screenshotting her photos, and overanalyzing interactions (09:10, 09:30).

What Drives Limerence in Dismissive Avoidants (DA)?

Unmet Needs & Repressed Traits (10:43 – 14:39)

• Thais explains that limerence is often driven by either:
  • Someone meeting your deeply unmet needs (e.g., emotional validation, acceptance)
  • Someone displaying your deeply repressed traits (e.g., boldness, self-expression)
  • “The subconscious mind wants wholeness...it wants to connect and attach to things it sees as separate from self.” (09:38)
• Mike identifies his obsession stemmed from her unapologetic individuality and being noticed and complimented by her (“Just don’t care what anybody thinks about me...She stands out like a sore thumb.” [12:51])
• Compliments and feeling “seen” were significant for Mike, based on childhood where affirmation was rare (“When you meet somebody who’s complimenting of you...I want to be around this a little more.” [15:00])

Key Insights about Limerence

Distinguishing Features of Limerence (18:15 – 23:53)

• “If I look back at it, it’s like, yeah, we had some pleasant interactions, but...I didn’t find out her hopes, dreams, and aspirations...It was just more of this idealized version of ‘oh my gosh, I want to be with this person so bad,’ but you don’t know the person.” – Mike (18:15)
• Limerent relationships often fail because the obsession is with an image, not reality: “People aren’t themselves around the object of their limerence. They get so nervous...they’re not their authentic selves.” – Thais (20:14)
• Only true relationships that emerge from limerence succeed if both people do inner work and integrate the missing traits or needs (20:14).

The Six Signs a Dismissive Avoidant Is Secretly Obsessed With You

1. Indirect Social Media Engagement (24:05 – 25:06)

   • Liking all your posts, watching your stories, etc. Not sporadic or friendly “likes,” but obsessive consistency.
   • “If she had a social media post, I was going to be liking it. That’s such an obvious example.” – Thais (31:28)

2. Indirect Invitations & Non-Vulnerable Outreach (25:06 – 28:07)

   • The DA will find non-direct ways to spend time together, such as suggesting group outings, running into you “by coincidence,” or vague invitations.
   • “You would have to, like, find a loophole or a backdoor way to ask someone...” – Mike (25:06)
   • “For DAs, a lot of women get so fed up...they just go and do it [initiate] themselves.” – Mike (27:33)

3. Prolonged Gray-Zone Interactions (28:14 – 30:10)

   • Repeated hangouts with no clear acknowledgement of romantic interest, leading others to question if it’s friendship or more.
   • “It’s also a case to, like, get yourself friend-zoned if you’re a dismissive avoidant.” – Thais (28:20)
   • DAs may lose opportunities due to extended ambiguity.

4. Intense Curiosity & Deep Questions (32:16 – 34:16)

   • Suddenly probing for personal information, family history, or deeper topics beyond normal acquaintance-level conversation.
   • “Probably asking a lot of questions...They want to be let in earlier than later.” – Mike (32:16)
   • “A DA doesn’t really ask all these, like, feelings questions…” – Mike (33:17)

5. Frequent Staring, Daydreaming, or Observing from Afar (34:16 – 35:46)

   • The DA watches you often in shared spaces, like the gym or office, but is too anxious to initiate.
   • “You notice somebody looking at you...but way too scared to go and talk to you.” – Mike (35:19)
   • “DA’s are very pointed with their attention...they’re not giving it to things they don’t care about.” – Thais (35:46)

6. Overanalyzing and Apologizing for Minor Interactions (37:25 – 39:06)

   • Excessively second-guessing what they said or did, apologizing for trivial things, and seeking reassurance for minor “mistakes.”
   • “Sometimes they’re saying sorry for things...like ‘oh yeah, I’m over-talking right now’...” – Mike (37:25)
   • May also inquire about you through mutual friends, especially younger DAs (38:26).

Bonus Insights & Memorable Moments

Which Attachment Styles & Genders Limerize Over Celebrities? (45:33 – 47:02)

• Dismissive avoidant women are cited as most prone to limerence over celebrities, often describing deep obsessions with specific movie characters or traits, not the real person.
  • “10 out of 10, like the amount of times I’ve had dismissive women clients who are women, I would say like, 95% of them have had extreme infatuation with a celebrity...in this particular movie and like their character.” – Thais (45:45)

Cultural Norms & Vulnerability (39:06 – 41:02)

• Different cultures impact how direct people are in expressing romantic interest—Canadian culture, for example, is described as especially non-confrontational.
  • “We want to be sort of viewed as laid back and easygoing, like, ‘whatever’s good’...even though we have these feelings that we want things.” – Mike (40:31)
  • Clear, direct communication is advocated as “healthier” for dating and relationships.

Why Limerence Is Addictive for DA Types (42:25 – 44:51)

• Limerence creates dopamine and euphoria—a subconscious tool to self-soothe and regulate the nervous system without real vulnerability or effort.
• “It’s a soothing mechanism and it’s like connecting in the fantasy, but there’s opportunity costs of not learning the skills of having a hard conversation or exposure work to be vulnerable.” – Thais (44:51)

The Biggest Unmet Needs That Trigger DA Limerence (47:02 – 50:36)

• Acceptance: “When somebody’s accepting of them...a huge deal.” – Thais (47:02)
• Empathy: Feeling understood or attuned to is transformational for DAs.
• Support & Enthusiasm: “If somebody is, like, genuinely happy for you...that’s interesting, never felt that before. Like, proud of your accomplishments.” – Mike (47:54)
• Emotional Mirroring & Feeling Special: Sincere, specific appreciation makes DAs feel “lit up.”
• General note: Generic or excessive praise often feels “repelling;” specific, observable affirmations land best (49:28).

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “I just couldn’t get this girl out of my head...Anytime she posted...I was liking that for sure. She could have put like, ‘I hate people named Mike.’” – Mike [05:27]
• “If I look back at it...I didn’t find out her hopes, dreams and aspirations for life...It was just more of this idealized version...” – Mike [18:15]
• “People aren’t themselves around the object of their limerence...They try to become what they think the object wants from them...” – Thais [20:14]
• “You would have to, like, find like a loophole or like a backdoor way to ask someone to do something.” – Mike [25:06]
• “A DA doesn’t really ask all these, like, feelings questions...You see those coming from a DA, you’re like, oh, okay, yeah, what’s going on?” – Mike [33:17]
• “Dismissive avoidant women are most likely to go into limerence over celebrities and often reference movie characters/traits, not the real person.” – Thais [45:45]

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Mike’s Story: 03:19 – 08:58
• What is Limerence? / Causes: 09:38 – 16:13
• General Signs of DA Limerence: 24:05 – 39:06
• Cultural & Gender Observations: 39:06 – 41:02
• Limerence as Self-Soothing: 42:25 – 44:51
• Celebrities & Limerence: 45:33 – 47:02
• Core Unmet Needs: 47:02 – 50:36

Takeaways

• Dismissive avoidants do experience limerence, often hidden and expressed indirectly due to their fear of vulnerability.
• Recognizing DA limerence involves looking for persistent, indirect engagement, especially on social media, subtle attempts to connect, over-curiosity, and signs of internal turmoil (overanalyzing, seeking reassurance).
• Limerence is fueled by the fantasy of integrating repressed traits and fulfilling unmet needs—not true connection—and often cannot sustain a healthy relationship unless the person does deep inner work first.
• Culturally, more direct communication is healthier for all involved.

End of Summary – For more nuanced explorations on attachment styles & emotional healing, tune in to future episodes or check out resources from The Personal Development School.