← The Thais Gibson Podcast
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Hi, my name is Tyce Gibson and I'm the co owner and creator of the Personal Development School. In this video, I'm going to talk to you about the core wounds of the anxious, preoccupied, attachment style, individual. And what we're essentially going to go through in this video is what some of the core wounds are, where some of these imprints come from in the first place, which ones go together and how you can start becoming more consciously aware of these things. Because if we can convert our feelings into words, into language, we are then able to solve the problem. And here's why. Your subconscious mind speaks in emotions and symbols. Your conscious mind, your logical, analytical reasoning mind, your problem solving mind, speaks in words and conditioned language patterns. So part of how we have to solve emotions is be able to take the language of the subconscious, which is emotions, use our conscious mind to convert those emotions into words, be able to then isolate what those words are, isolate the problem, understand it. And it's in the translation of our feelings into words that now we have a solvable problem. We have to isolate a problem, make it conscious in order to be able to solve any emotional problem that exists. And if we can master this, this becomes the first step of reprogramming. So while we won't necessarily go into reprogramming in this video, I have some other videos around that, especially one really long form video. But what I will do here is I will take you through the core wounds, help you understand them at the emotional level and the word level, so that you have your conscious awareness to use ahead of time, which will make it so much easier to navigate these problems in the moment itself. Let's talk about it. Core wounds. What are core wounds? Core wounds are essentially these emotional imprints we get in our subconscious mind because of some kind of experience that we couldn't properly process. And so because we couldn't process something emotionally and make sense of it and make peace with it, instead we stored it at a subconscious level and we become hyper alert and basically on alert to look out for the potential this happening again. So while that might serve at a survivalistic level, like for example, if you get attacked by a predator in a forest, your subconscious mind is going to be like, oh my goodness, watch out for a predator at this part of the forest. And that's great if that's the world we're living in, but it's not. And so if it's, you know, you were bullied as a child or made fun of in front of the class in, you know, kindergarten or first Grade, then your subconscious mind hangs on to that and is basically in a state of hyper vigilance around that. But that creates a lot of suffering and a lot of fear because then you always fear this thing happening again over and over on autopilot, right? So usually for the anxious preoccupied, there are specific types of traumatic events that happen that actually are part of what create the anxious preoccupied attachments style. And I'm going to tell you what those core wounds will be and some of the feelings connected to them. And the example I often give for this is by being consciously aware of some of the subconscious contents of the core wounds and traumas of your attachment style. It's sort of like if you're trying to solve a problem and I'm like, okay, go into my house and find the keys by the kitchen sink. And you go into the house. You've never been in my house before, let's pretend. And, well, you probably haven't ever been in my house, in all seriousness. And so let's say you go in and everything's pitch black, all the lights are off, you can't see anything. You're gonna go in and you're gonna fumble around in there, like bumping into things and who knows where the kitchen sink is. And it's gonna be a process, and you're probably gonna get some toes stubbed in the process. So let's imagine instead I'm like, oh, can you go look around my house in the light? Go see where everything is? And then I'm gonna put the keys by the sink, and then I'm gonna turn the lights back off. And then I want you to find them. You're gonna have a much easier time finding the second time around because you were already, the lights were already on, you already saw everything, you understood where things are, and now you have this like, blueprint from which to navigate. And the same idea goes for when you have core wounds. If you have these core wounds and they come up from the subconscious level when your conscious mind is in the dark and you're triggered, you don't know how to navigate that. It's like overwhelming and it just feels really bad. And you do things you regret because you have these behavioral coping mechanisms that you've adopted over the years. Probably that situated really early in childhood that might have worked then, but now, basically outdated strategies to get your needs met versus if you can witness what's going on and label it and understand it and identify it. That's actually the first step to turning your conscious mind back online and Actually solving these emotional problems. So here is what you can do. First, I want you to know what your core wounds are. Core wounds of the anxious, preoccupied are, I will be abandoned, and that makes me unsafe. And usually this is because there was some kind of inconsistency that created perpetual feelings of emotional abandonment happening enough. And because the subconscious mind is programmed through repetition plus emotion, these things together, having that, like imprinting happen often enough where there's emotional abandonment created this big, deep fear of abandonment as a whole. And usually as a child when this first happened, because one of our only three biological fears is the fear of abandonment, you actually felt unsafe at the time. And so you learned, okay, abandonment equals a lack of safety. And this is why the emotions that accompany this core wound being activated are usually panic, distress, numbness, emptiness, and also sadness and sometimes even feelings of desperation. And I want you to understand, as the anxious, preoccupied individual, those feelings that come up when you have those moments of being needy or like, calling a lot or wanting to show up in a place where somebody might be or anything like that. I've seen so many anxious, preoccupied individuals over the years judge themselves and be so tough on themselves, like, oh, such an idiot for doing this, or, you know, whatever it might be, that's a trauma response that you're having. That's what's happening. And so you are in the state of, like, fight or flight. Activated feelings of trauma because of unprocessed past experiences that are stored at the subconscious level flooding to the surface. And that's why it's so scary and hard. And you have to be gentle to yourself and understand that and be patient with yourself. And the first step of doing that is to recognize, oh, I'm having a trauma response. And honestly, the second step, well, I won't go into it in this specific video, has a lot to do with reprogramming these core wounds and also soothing yourself and practicing soothing yourself often enough and meeting your own needs and being able to regulate your emotions by labeling them, questioning some of the stories that you're telling in your subconscious mind, and when you can start pulling all those things together and soothe yourself as a result, there's steps for them and stuff. We have, like, amazing steps inside of the courses, especially in the advanced Anxious, Preoccupied, attachment style course in the school, and how you show up in the different six stages of relationships and all of that stuff are going to help you to reprogram these things. But the core piece here is that as you go through this whole process, we need to, if you're the anxious preoccupied individual, you need to be able to soothe yourself and get comfortable soothing yourself and showing up to regulate your own feelings and feel them and question what's going on and then try to find a way to get your needs met. You need to be able to do these things often enough that your brain starts to build this association of self trust, like oh, I can trust myself to do this. So it has to start as a conscious process until it's patterned in through repetition and emotion. Often enough that you then rebuilt this, this relationship to yourself and you stop self abandoning and you start to feel safe in the relationship to yourself, which then helps you feel safe in all of the different experiences you'll navigate with others. So hormones set number one. I will be abandoned. I am unsafe. They usually go together and usually the emotions that are coming off of them or that are, you know, the feedback mechanisms for you feeling these things are panic, distress, sadness, fear, and even feelings of rejection or aloneness. Okay, this brings us to our second set of core wounds. I am not good enough and I am rejected. These are huge pain points for the anxious preoccupied individual because they learn to soothe through their caregivers growing up. That's their primary point of soothing. And so when you don't learn to self soothe, you're so dependent on your caregivers not just for survival, but for your feelings of emotional well being. Which means there's that much more fragility if that caregiver is unavailable. And it feels so much more like a rejection than it would for somebody who has figured out how to self soothe because that's been their coping mechanism, like a dismissive avoidant or a fearful avoidant who at least has that part of them, that side of them, or obviously a secure person who does that from a healthy space. But because there's that like, oh, at least I can trust myself and count on myself a little bit if somebody's not available, it doesn't permeate the same way versus for the anxious person who hasn't developed those coping mechanisms because there wasn't enough necessity to do so because the caregiver showed up well enough. And usually there was a little bit of dependency that the caregiver sort of allowed to take place. But that's a different topic of conversation. Basically the anxious preoccupied doesn't get the ability to learn to practice that skill. And so if that's not programmed into you, it's so friggin scary when, when somebody's not available to you, it's so, it hurts that much More you feel that much more fragile if something's not going right in your relationships. And you're usually deriving a lot of your sense of self through your relationships, which means if that goes away, you feel like you're losing a part of your sense of self. So I'm not good enough and I will be rejected Usually are accompanied by the emotions of sadness, fear of loss, and despair. There can be sort of like this stinging, burning kind of feeling that comes up for the anxious, preoccupied individual in, like, their chest and abdomen when this happens. And that's a really tough one. And then another big one is, I'm alone and unsafe. Okay, very similar to I'm abandoned and unsafe. But the emotions that come with this are actually feelings of loneliness, hopelessness, sadness. So the abandonment is more like a panic. The alone is like a heaviness. And the actual emotions attached to each one will be different. And if you pay close attention, you have these two different emotional states at different times. And again, the more you can recognize these things and put words on them and convert them into words when they're happening. Suddenly you brought your conscious mind back online, and you're not in this subconscious trance. You're not in this subconscious trance which is keeping you really identified with those emotions and giving those emotions further power over you and allowing them to keep imprinting you on autopilot over and over again as well. Because anything that we're reliving and repeating, that's creating an emotional response, we're not like, getting. Like, just because we have this program already doesn't mean that it's just going to stay the same. We actually, at any given point in time, are programming things further into our subconscious and making them deeper. Or we're reprogramming them and we're alleviating ourselves from these programs and creating new, healthier programs as a result. So anything we're firing and wiring, you can think of it as, like, getting more, more and more deeply programmed over time. These things don't get, like, easier if we leave them, if that makes sense. So it's really important to first, like, be aware of these things and understand them. And by bringing your conscious mind back online, you stop letting it run you and create this vicious cycle deeper into your subconscious mind. On autopilot, the next core wounds. I am disliked, excluded, or don't belong. This will be a really painful one. It'll be like a stinging one, sort of like a burning hurt, jealousy, sadness and fear all combined. And again, you'll feel that sort of in your upper torso area. And this has a lot to do with peers because the anxious, preoccupied attachment style, they're so much driving themselves through their relationships that this core wound is more likely to happen in the peer group. And even though, you know, from like a service perspective, it's easy to think, oh, but that's not your primary attachment figure in your adult life. Or it's not. It shouldn't hurt so much. Or it can really, really hurt almost as much as the other things can that are core wounds for you. And again, it's because of the way that you tend to identify yourself with your relationships. More from the outside in. I am disconnected is also a core wound. And then another big set that tend to go together at the very end. Here are, I don't matter, I am unseen, or I am unheard. And where I am unimport sort of goes with I don't matter. So these feelings of being unseen and heard can sort of trigger those other patterns of I don't matter or I'm unimportant. And usually there's just a sadness and a smallness that you'll feel if this core wound is happening. So what I want you to do with this is start noticing what core wounds are yours and when they come up, because the more we can observe them, we create space around them. And when we bring our conscious mind online by bringing the language component into how we process this, this is the space that we can then start making change from and soothing ourselves from. And a big part of this is questioning these stories, right? Just because, you know, somebody didn't invite you to something and maybe they forgot, does that really mean that you're disliked? Can you 100% know that? And by questioning some of these things and trying to equilibrate the story on the other side, this helps us to take the power away from that wound, from reigniting or reactivating itself. Autopilot, thank you so, so much for being here. Please, like, share and subscribe if you're getting a lot of value out of this channel. And I will see you in the next.