The Thais Gibson Podcast

Episode: The Avoidant Does THIS When You Stop Talking to Them
Date: November 6, 2025
Host: Thais Gibson

Overview

In this episode, Thais Gibson explores how individuals with a dismissive avoidant attachment style respond when someone else—whether a romantic partner or close friend—suddenly stops initiating contact or communication with them. The episode is centered on the avoidant’s internal and external processes, outlining the nuanced stages they progress through and demystifying common misconceptions.

Thais provides actionable advice on recognizing these dynamics, offers analogies to help clarify complex relational concepts, and stresses the importance of self-awareness and healthy communication moving forward.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Understanding Dismissive Avoidant Attachment (00:00 – 04:30)

• Attachment Basics: Thais outlines the four major attachment styles: secure, anxious/preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant.
  • Secure attachment — generally healthy relationships, comfort with closeness.
  • Anxious/preoccupied — high fear of abandonment, craving closeness.
  • Dismissive avoidant — focus of this episode, avoids vulnerability and deep connection due to emotional neglect in childhood.
  • Fearful avoidant — vacillates between craving closeness and fearing it.

Memorable Quote:

“If you grew up with a very limited emotional modeling for what a relationship actually looks like... this whole idea of exchanging needs and connecting sometimes feels like a foreign language to dismissive avoidants.”
— Thais Gibson (02:40)

The Five Stages of the Dismissive Avoidant’s Reaction

1. Initial Relief (04:30 – 07:25)

• When communication ceases, dismissive avoidants often feel temporary relief, especially if the recent dynamic included conflict.
• The relief is not from the person themselves, but the cessation of uncomfortable relational tensions.

Quote:

“They may actually feel a sense of relief when there’s space—not because they don’t care about the person, but relief from their fears and the conflict that they really dislike.”
— Thais Gibson (06:25)

• Bank Account Analogy: Each attachment style has a different 'emotional bank account' for receiving and spending emotional reserves. Dismissive avoidants have smaller reserves and conflict costs them more.

2. Surge of Independence (07:25 – 09:15)

• The DA leans into personal autonomy. They’ll fill their time with solo activities, relishing predictability and a regained sense of control.

Quote:

“They say things like, ‘Well, I can control how I show up, but I have no idea how other people are going to show up.’ What I hear under that is this sense of powerlessness in relationships.”
— Thais Gibson (08:15)

3. Mixed Feelings / Doubt Emerges (09:15 – 12:00)

• After the independence stage, space allows DAs to replenish their emotional reserves. Missing the other person and questioning decisions sets in as they realize their relational needs were being partially met.
• This internal conflict is pronounced because their default blocks to connection have receded just enough for loneliness or longing to surface.

Quote:

“Once there’s been space... they start to sort of backtrack and second guess things a little bit. It can start to wear on them.”
— Thais Gibson (11:20)

4. Questioning and Regret, Followed by Repression (12:00 – 14:45)

• A period of regret or questioning old choices, often followed by suppressing these uncomfortable feelings to regain stability.
• This pattern is cyclical: feeling vulnerability, immediately followed by shutting down or repressing emotions.

Quote:

“As soon as they regret, they go back into repressing to create that sense of space and safety for themselves again.”
— Thais Gibson (13:30)

5. Indirect Attempts at Reconnection (14:45 – 18:20)

• If the relationship is ongoing (not a final breakup), DAs may initiate subtle or indirect reconnection attempts—sending memes, jokes, or neutral high-level texts.
• They want to connect but fear direct vulnerability.

Quote:

“It’s like this desire to connect, but it’s filtered through this fear of vulnerability.”
— Thais Gibson (16:30)

• Important Caveat: Not all DAs will reconnect after a definitive breakup. Reconnection attempts are more likely after a temporary “space” rather than a clear split.
• Thais urges listeners not to fall back into old patterns without first having a clear conversation about mutual needs and boundaries.

Actionable Advice and Final Thoughts (18:20 – End)

• Don’t Repeat Patterns: Use relationship ‘resets’ to discuss what went wrong and what needs to change.
• Pair understanding these patterns with intentional work: don’t just accept the avoidant’s style if it doesn’t serve you.
• Consider your needs: Understanding makes space but communication and growth are essential for a healthy dynamic.

Notable Quote:

“Sometimes we can understand things, take them less personally... But what if it’s not actually okay for you? What if you don’t really feel great about that?”
— Thais Gibson (19:15)

Memorable Moments by Timestamp

• Attachment style breakdown — 00:00-03:00
• Bank account analogy for emotional reserves — 05:40-06:15
• Initial relief phase explained — 06:25-07:10
• DA’s internal narrative on control — 08:15
• Mixed feelings and self-reflection — 11:20-11:50
• Cyclical repression of regret — 13:30-14:10
• Subtle reconnection tactics — 15:40-16:30
• Warning against repeating old dynamics — 18:40-19:20

Tone and Style

Thais Gibson maintains an empathetic, educational, and encouraging tone throughout the episode. Her explanations are clear, practical, and grounded in both psychological theory and real-life relational dynamics. She frequently uses analogies and real-world language to make complex attachment behaviors accessible, always circling back to personal empowerment and healthy boundaries.

Summary Takeaway

This episode provides deep insight into dismissive avoidant behavior when they’re on the receiving end of silence. Listeners leave with a clear understanding of the DA’s cycle and practical encouragement to prioritize both awareness and direct, constructive communication in any reconnection effort.