← The Thais Gibson Podcast
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The Dark Tetrad is a cluster of four socially harmful and very dark personality traits that you can actually see littered throughout the Epstein scandal. And as somebody who has really tried to stay in my lane over the past few years with all of the chaos happening in the world, because I'm an expert at relationships and dating and the subconscious mind, this was something that veered into my lane very quickly when I saw how all of this grooming really took shape. So in today's video, I want to educate you so that you can be empowered to recognize very early on into getting to know somebody some of these very harmful personality traits that tend to overlap with a lot of what we see in the Epstein case. And my hope for you is that I will take you through these four traits, things that everybody should know. I hope that the one thing that comes from this entire scandal is that a lot of this information becomes super mainstream for people so that you know what to look out for, how these traits start to present themselves, and how to notice what types of scenarios you may even find when starting to get to know a new friend or when you start to see somebody enter into your community or perhaps on a first date. Some of these things that you absolutely need to know because if you don't, you do not want to find out the hard way. So one of the first of the four dark tetra traits is narcissism. This is obviously something that is talked about everywhere, all over the Internet and you can have strong narcissistic traits without having full blown narcissistic personality disorder. And to be honest, of the four, this is kind of the least insidious ways that you'll catch narcissism early are that there's somebody who constantly needs admiration, somebody who has strong narcissistic tendencies is going to be more entitled, constantly need to be the center of everything. And basically they tend to have low empathy when it costs them something or when they have to show up. And so three ways that you can catch this super early, especially if you're on a first date or starting to get to know somebody, are number one, notice how this person responds when you are talking about you. So if it's your wins or your pain or something you are going through, does this person stay curious and ask further follow up questions or do they keep redirecting things back towards themselves very quickly? Somebody who's higher on the narcissism scale as a trait will constantly redirect back towards themselves because they're literally assuming that all relationship dynamics should be centralized around them. A second way to catch this early is through micro disappointments. If you share a preference that is out of alignment with what they're intending. Let's say you say, oh, I'd rather do coffee other than drinks on a first date, you're going to see that they sulk or they pressure you, or they may even subtly punish you. And what they are basically punishing you for is for not attending to their needs and their preferences all the time. Because at the end of the day, somebody with a high degree of narcissism essentially expects everybody else to be the character in their story. And number three is if you set any kind of boundary when you're getting to know somebody and if you try to make somebody be accountable for something that they did, if you even say something like, oh, when you joked about xyz, it didn't really land for me. And you're just trying to share what your boundaries are or something you need to them to be accountable around, they are not going to take this well. They're going to become immediately defensive, dismissing blame you not honor your feelings or emotions around a situation. And so these are all really good ways to catch narcissism early on on. And when you do, that will then allow you to make sure that you know who and what you're dealing with and set your boundaries accordingly. Number two, Machiavellianism. This is again one of the less intense traits of the four. And again, these are personality traits, not necessarily a personal personality diagnosis of any kind. But that's also where you want to be paying attention to these things, because things don't always fit into these neatly wrapped boxes of okay, this personality disorder or this exact diagnosis, again, a lot of things to do with the personality exist within a range or within a continuum. So you want to educate yourself on understanding these things really deeply. Machiavellianism, you can think of as being manipulation, okay? It's this idea of like the ends justify the means. And what you're going to see with somebody who has a high degree of Machiavellianism as a part of their personality is that they are somebody who generally gets some sort of satisfaction from manipulating or taking advantage of other people. In fact, a lot of their tendencies will be to pair up in relationships or connections with the intent to manipulate or take advantage, okay? And usually Machiavellian individuals are very strategic. Some things you can catch really early on are, number one, if somebody is sort of a chameleon, if somebody is constantly shifting from one thing to another, their identity changes around one person, they're very much playing to that person's needs and trying to be really like them, to try to win them over. And with somebody else, they're acting totally differently. Especially if you see somebody say, oh, this is my opinion here. And they state their opinion strongly and then, you know, an hour later there was somebody else and they have a totally different opinion about something. That's a really heavy tell in a lot of ways. Now, of course, there can be other things that sponsor that, things like identity disturbances, people not really knowing who they are, people who have strong people pleasing tendencies. But you're going to see with somebody who's more Machiavellian is that they tend to use this change of who they are, this chameleon like aspect to them very strategically. It's to play into your needs, it's to get something from you. And you can see that there's this hint underlying where it's very much about them trying to be advantageous. Okay, here's the second thing. If you are around somebody who has a high degree of Machiavellian trait in their personality, you are going to see they treat your nose like a problem to solve. They will debate, they will bargain, they will try to wear you down. They will reframe your boundary as being unreasonable. They will literally see your boundary as something to chip away at. And this is a really important thing to be mindful of in a relationship. Honestly, a lot of people who have a high degree of Machiavellianism in their personalities, they will get into relationships with people and they will essentially be grooming you. They're going to try to see how much they can take advantage of you in a situation and where your boundaries are. And it will feel like they're always pushing the envelope. And I want you to just notice because it's really powerful to tap happen to. I want you to notice what that feels like in your body. Have you ever been around somebody like that? And they're always pushing the envelope, they're always pressuring you into more and more. And just when you feel like you've reached your limit of what you can take or handle, they push you again. And they push you again. And it's like they're always pushing you out of your comfort zone. I heard somebody recently on a podcast talk about how they felt like they were always being pushed to grow. But honestly, the way I heard it, it was as if they didn't realize that they were being pushed to violate their boundaries over and over and over again, which can A really common theme that you'll see here. Number three, Machiavellian people. They will use information as leverage. They will push for personal details very quickly from you and then they will later use them to steer you. They will guilt you or persuade you. They'll know how to pull into your pain points. Let's say, for example, that you recently went through a hard time with, with your boss at work. They'll come to you and be like, oh my gosh, my boss at work is doing this and I need to borrow some money so I could, so I could leave this job. I can't handle this anymore. They'll literally try to tie their request to your pain points. And if you're paying very close attention, it will almost feel like the timing is just too synchronistic or too coincidental. And oftentimes it's because it actually is. I just want to jump in here and let you know that we are doing a 14 day free trial to the All Access membership pass at PDF, which means you get access to literally everything inside of the school. And this includes the four live webinars I do with our students every single week. And on top of that, you get access to all of our different courses. We have over 55 different courses on relationships, communication, boundaries, Emotional mastery, Guilt and shame. Learning your needs. So many different facets that are really important to master our lives and feel really good about our lives going forward. And last but not least, there's a daily community event. We have trained facilitators and coaches who are in there doing that work, showing up to support you on your journey every single day. Please join me on the other side. Come check it out, see if it's a fit for you. I'd love to see you there. Go ahead and sign up by clicking the link in the description box box below. Now we get into some of the darker traits here. Okay, so we're not talking about somebody who's diagnosed clinically as a psychopath. We're talking about traits here. So there's a range, but this trait is psychopathy. Okay, so the formal clinical diagnosis is antisocial personality disorder. It's the clinical term for psychopaths and sociopaths. But we're talking about like subclinical psychopathy as existing along a range as personality traits often do. Here are some of the sort of overarching themes you're going to see here. Number one, low fear. Number two, extremely low remorse or callousness. Number three, the shallow affect. And it's some kind of look like bold charm, but coldness. And this is where you're going to be able to start catching these things early. Okay, first thing is first look for whether or not this person has remorse. You can think of this as being a remorse reality test. You might ask this person about a con, a past conflict that they endured or that they caused, and try to look at whether or not they showed genuine care or responsibility or empathy or regret. It could even be something like asking somebody about their past dating history. And if somebody's able to say, like, yes, I made mistakes and I apologize for them, or, yes, I was an imperfect partner and I feel badly, I tried to learn this and this, or, yeah, we broke up and maybe they even felt hurt by that person. But they're like. And I also had a part two where somebody can actually recognize their part in things, where somebody can express remorse, care for somebody else, empathy for somebody else. Those are green flags when there's a total lack of any of those things. It's all blame and it's, you know, a lot of anger and bitterness and callousness or even this sense of kind of laughing off what that person had to go through. Even vengefulness. I mean, this will really bleed into our fourth trait in a moment. But a lot of these things are huge red flags to really pay attention to when it comes to seeking a healthy person. Number two is ethics friction. Okay, if somebody is dishonest frequently, like constantly chronically lying, lying to get perks, bragging about, cheating the system or multiple systems, cheating other people, finding a way to. To win something at the expense of human, like a being, a human being or humanity or being humane to other people, all of those things. Like, if it's easy in those types of situations, it's gonna likely be easy with you too, and it's something you really wanna pay attention to. And then number three, if there's a sense where there is an emotional mismatch for human issues, okay, so let's say, for example, that you're sick or you're stressed or you're hurt. Most people would end up being like, oh, are you okay? What do you need? What's going on for you? Are you feeling better? They would show this sense of care that's not performative, that's very much genuine. But somebody who has a high degree of psychopathy in their personality, they're going to become flat or irritated when you express your own pain because they're actually seeing that as something taking away from their intentions, which is usually too to manipulate or get something. And so anything that's causing them to get further away from that, they actually may express irritation. And again, callousness. I always say that if you looked at people with narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy and these traits, and you saw people in a doctor's office waiting room, let's say you're all in the waiting room and somebody's having a health concern. They fall on the ground, they can't breathe. The narcissist is going to be the one who kind of tries to go in there and save the day, but make it about them and be the hero so that they can say they were the hero. And they're going to sort of want that attention in the situation to play that role. The Machiavellian person is going to be looking for like, where's your wallet? Like, oh, you fell on the floor, where's your wallet? Let me try to find your wallet so I can snatch it. And they're going to take advantage of that situation in sort of a sneaky trickster type way. And then we're going to have the person with psychopathy as personality traits. They are going to be the ones that go in and they're like, this person's annoying me. Why are they being annoying? Can they just be quiet? I don't want this whole issue with all of this ATT tension happening around me. Can everybody just like literally be silent? They're actually going to be callous and irritated at somebody's suffering, which is a really crazy thing to think about. But that's part of this trait and how it tends to take shape. And last but not least, we have sadism, which is a very scary trait, honestly. But it's a sense of enjoyment around others discomfort. It's cruelty for fun. And it's not to just take advantage. You can see some really early signs of this if we see like really cruel jokes, okay. Or delight when somebody is in pain. Even jokes or pranks that are like a little bit too dark too quickly, but the person constantly repeats these jokes or wants to get into sort of this dark territory. Those can be signs and generally we'll see that somebody who has these sadistic qualities are the type of individuals that will. Unfortunately, it feels terrible even to just say this, but they'll kick people when they're down. Like if somebody's already having a hard time, they kind of like get attracted to that and want to go in and make their life harder. And it's sort of this enjoyment of seeing somebody else in pain. And again, a lot of it is that then they feel like, oh, my life is better or I'm better off, or it can be kind of comparative, but it's a very, very dark trait. And last but not least, during disagreement, they'll often seem to, like, enjoy the escalation, enjoy the fight. They may smirk or bait you or push your buttons on purpose. They enjoy getting that emotional reaction. It makes them feel like they have power. And so all of these things are such important things to pay attention to. Because honestly, when you do surround yourself with people who range quite high on these scales, that's going to cause a problem. That's going to be somebody who's unhealthy to be around long term, who often can end up pulling you into situations that are very frightening or scary over time. And you want to be paying attention to how being around people like this makes you feel in your body. What do you notice coming up? Do you feel anxiety? All this time you spend around somebody, do you feel distressed? You feel like you're walking on eggshells? Or you're never really sure of their intentions? You frequently feel confused? If these are things you're feeling, frequently pay attention. Your body and your subconscious mind are telling you something. So I hope this was helpful for you today. I know that there's a lot of things going on in the world right now, and I hope this was helpful and supportive for you and just healing and understanding a little bit more in terms of your education about what goes on here. Thank you for watching. Please, like, share and subscribe if you don't want to miss any daily videos like this and I'll see you tomorrow.