The Thais Gibson Podcast

Episode: The HIDDEN AVOIDANT TIMELINE: Why They Show Their True Self After 6 Months

Host: Thais Gibson
Date: August 11, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Thais Gibson delves into the hidden timeline of avoidant attachment in romantic relationships—specifically, why individuals with a dismissive avoidant attachment style often reveal their true selves around the six-month mark. Thais takes listeners through the developmental stages of relationships, unpacks the psychological mechanisms behind avoidant behavior, and offers practical tools for navigating the challenging "power struggle" stage—especially for those dating or partnered with someone who’s avoidant.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Six Stages of Relationships

[00:30–03:20]

• Dating Stage: The vetting period—ask questions, check for values and goals alignment.
• Honeymoon Stage: Elevated neurochemicals (dopamine, serotonin, vasopressin) create a "rose-colored glasses" effect; people relax and start revealing more of their true selves.
• Power Struggle Stage: Disagreements surface, and partners drop the “best behavior” masks. Most relationships dissolve here, but working through it can pave the way for deep, unconditional love.
• Stability, Commitment, Bliss Stages: After surviving the power struggle, relationships reach deeper, more stable, and ultimately blissful levels of connection.

“The power struggle stage brings a beautiful rite of passage... if we can learn to work through our issues, communicate through things, solve our fears and flaws, come to healthy compromises, we actually breed more unconditional love.”
— Thais Gibson [03:02]

2. Why Avoidants Change at the Six-Month Mark

[03:21–06:30]

• Avoidant Attachment Activation: Dismissive avoidants are slow to connect emotionally. As attachment forms—often around six months—their defense mechanisms and fears emerge.
• Feelings Minus Fears Equation: Early dating is feelings-focused, but as the attachment deepens, old fears arise (fear of engulfment, being trapped, shamed, or not safe in conflict).
• Increased attachment = increased vulnerability = more defense behaviors.

“The Smith avoidance tend to really date and back quite slowly. And once their guard is lowered because they're starting to get real feelings, that's where you start seeing, okay, I've developed these feelings. Now my fears come up. My fears of what could go wrong will start to arise.”
— Thais Gibson [05:31]

3. The Escalation During the Power Struggle Stage

[06:31–08:40]

• Magnification of Avoidant Coping: Power struggle amplifies avoidant behaviors, such as flaw-finding and distancing, as self-protection.
• Projection and Self-Sabotage: Avoidants may focus on partner's flaws to rationalize emotional withdrawal and reduce vulnerability.
• Emotional Chaos: Partners often feel blindsided as avoidance intensifies.

"It can sometimes feel like the person on the receiving end of this feels like the rug is being pulled out from underneath them."
— Thais Gibson [08:39]

4. Communication Strategies for Coping

[08:42–13:50]

• Structured Communication is Essential: Unresolved conflict breeds more tension in the power struggle stage. Suppressing or stonewalling issues is counterproductive.
• Positive Framing: Address needs rather than overwhelming with intense emotions.
  Example: Instead of expressing all anxieties about inconsistent contact, directly articulate the need for consistency and suggest specific improvements.
• Self-Regulation First: Regulate your own nervous system before approaching your avoidant partner to ensure discussions are constructive and non-threatening.
• Gradual Vulnerability: Start with expressing practical needs; build vulnerability and emotional expression progressively, aligning with avoidant’s comfort.

"When you’re communicating what you need and you're framing it in a positive way, that's actually going to be best received so that you can get seen and heard, and so that this avoidant attachment style loved one of yours doesn't feel dysregulated..."
— Thais Gibson [11:07]

• Understand Their History: Many avoidants had childhoods where feelings were ignored or shamed, influencing adult strategies for emotional safety.

5. Practical Example

[11:42–12:10]

• Sample Statement:
  “Hey, consistency is really something I’m looking for in a relationship dynamic. As we continue to build and grow our connection here, I want us to be able to establish more of that. Would you be open and willing to work on having at least a quick 15-minute phone call or a couple more text messages than we did on Thursday, Friday?”
  — Thais Gibson's example for addressing issues with avoidant partners

Memorable Quotes

• “If you can work through disagreements and arguments, you'll grow stronger during the power struggle stage, not weaker.”
  — Thais Gibson [13:43]

• “So much of their personality and attachment style has been built on trying to never really feel many feelings in order to stay safe.”
  — Thais Gibson [12:45]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:30 — Stages of relationships explained
• 03:21 — Why avoidants shift after six months
• 06:31 — Dynamics of the power struggle stage with avoidants
• 08:42 — Communication tips and examples
• 11:42 — Script for addressing consistency needs
• 13:43 — Closing thoughts on growth during conflict

Closing Comments

Thais concludes by encouraging listeners to share questions, suggesting she’ll address them in future episodes. She reminds everyone to subscribe for more transformative insights.

If you’re struggling with a partner's sudden withdrawal or character shift at the 6–12 month mark, this episode offers insight, validation, and actionable strategies for moving forward—whether to deepen intimacy or to recognize unhealthy patterns.