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There's an old Wayne Dyer quote that says, you can't be lonely if you actually love the person that you're alone with. And I think this is going to really summarize what we're going to talk about today in this video. Because you truly need to be okay being alone before you're going to find the love of your life. And I really believe this. We're going to talk about three major reasons why this is the truth. And then at the end of this video, I'll take you through what you can actually do about this. Now this is something that more than anybody, anxious attachment styles and fearful avoidance have to really focus in on this. They're the ones that need to learn to be okay being alone with themselves. Even dismissive avoidance in their own way have to learn to be alone with themselves. And I want to be really clear that being alone with yourself does not mean self numbing. It doesn't mean sitting down and being in your own company. But binge watching television or binge playing video games, that's not being alone with yourself. Being alone with yourself looks like I attune to myself, I learn about myself, I introspect, I journal, I start doing things that are actually helping me find deep down who I am. And again, we're gonna talk about three reasons that this is the most important thing that you can do in order to actually find healthy love and in order to find the love of your life. If we struggle to do these things, there are massive costs to who we choose in relationships and love because oftentimes we are choosing from our own conditioning or pre existing patterns rather than choosing love from a place of oh, this is truly what we are looking for. I know myself, I understand myself. I'm clear about my needs, I'm clear about what I'm looking for and I'm moving and choosing from that. So sometimes being alone and taking the time to figure out who you are and find yourself very deeply before dating, sometimes that's one of the biggest gifts that you'll ever be able to give to yourself if you're not already in a relationship. Now we're going to break this down and in the next five minutes here you're going to learn three reasons why it's okay to be alone and why being alone for a period of time makes you more likely to find healthy love and how to practice this so that you're not dating from lack, from fear and from your own conditioning. Okay, so reason number one, why this is so extremely important is because if you Go into relationships with other people and you are literally going into a relationship from a position of not knowing who you are deeply first. Then you are choosing from your conditioning in the past rather than your truth of knowing your authentic self, knowing your needs, having done that introspective work, to know what it is that truly lights you up and what you're truly looking for. And so when unfortunately what our conditioning is, is it's your mom and dad running your brain. Like your conditioning is all of the patterns and themes you saw around you that you got conditioned with. And of course it's not just your parents, it can also be your environment, your school. There can be lots of other things that play a role. But at the end of the day, whatever patterns you were exposed to in childhood, you're usually choosing from that. Sometimes that works well for people. Sometimes people are securely attached. They learned healthy self consideration, they learned to attune to themselves, they learned their needs early and how to communicate them. But for 50% or more of the population who are insecurely attached to you didn't learn this. And so you are literally choosing from whatever feels subconsciously comfortable and familiar. Because your subconscious mind is running the show. It's responsible for 95 plus percent of your choices. And your conditioning comes from your childhood. So if you don't get to know yourself outside of that, start to really introspect, start to question like what do I like and dislike? What do I truly need and want? And you learn to stop choosing your relationships and your connections purely from a place of attraction. When you can step outside of that, that's when the mag starts to happen. That's when things start to evolve and change and it's going to be so important from that perspective. Reason number two, learning to be alone helps you actually maintain your standards. I always say to people like you're going to accept breadcrumbs in relationships if you're already starving. And what I mean by this is if you don't know how to meet your own needs, if you don't like spending time with yourself, you are going to do whatever you can to fill that void. And you are going to put up with whatever you need to in order to get somebody to meet your needs, since nobody else is meeting them if you're not. And so you're going to end up being like, oh, I see five red flags, but that's okay. This person gives me a breadcrumb, I'll take the breadcrumbs because I'm so hungry, I'm starving without these breadcrumbs and not having them at all. And so then you're going to end up going from relationship to relationship doing that. And that's a really painful and uncomfortable place to be. And so when you are able to enjoy spending your time alone, know who you are, know how to meet your own needs, then if somebody comes along and they start doing shady or unhealthy things, you're not going to be okay with it. In fact, you're going to set a boundary and you're going to say no to something. You're going to say, actually, this is not okay for me. It's really important that you actually maintain those standards because if you don't, nobody's going to do it for you. And if you don't, if you're so uncomfortable being in your own skin and spending time alone, you're going to do everything you can to look outside of yourself to the detriment of a healthy relationship. If you find yourself getting triggered by the same types of things over and over again, always fearing abandonment or being alone, maybe being really triggered by being excluded or trapped or betrayed, and all of these things cause you to spiral in relationships and then sometimes even act in ways that you wish you didn't. Chances are this is because you have big core wounds. And core wounds are stored subconsciously. These core wounds are the things that wreak the most havoc on our relationships, but also our lives in general. They're the things that hold us back, they're the things that cause us to spiral, and they are solvable problems. And so something I'm going to share with you as a completely free gift is if you come into PDS and check out our seven day free trial to the Personal Development School, you get our core wounds bundle as a gift. These are a series of webinars, or basically online classes that help you understand your major core wounds, how they are affecting you, and how to leverage neuroscience and neuroplasticity to rewire them so they no longer have to be a part of your life. This is literally a free gift that comes along with your seven day free trial. And I'll put a link below if you want to claim it. Point number three is that until you really learn to be alone and know your truth and know who you are, you're not going to be setting healthy boundaries in a relationship. And if you go into all relationships and everything is a yes for you, and you never know what your nos are, and you never know how to share your nose with people, then unfortunately you're always connecting in love and in relationships from a place of half truth. Like you're not actually going in authentically, your true authentic self is, you know, yeah, that's a yes for me. And that's a hell yes for me. That's something I really want to do and really want to commit to. Oh, and that's a no for me me. I definitely don't want to do that. And until you're in a position where you can bring your full self, your holistic self, your yeses and your nose into the relationships with people around you because you know who you are and you know what those things are first, then you're always going to end up in relationships that never fulfill you because they're only there to support you in half of your truth, only in your yeses, only in the things you agree to. And so truly letting ourselves be seen and known and meet the love of our life and be in a fulfilled relationship means you have to bring your whole self into it as best you can. And that is when you're gonna get the most momentum. And I, I will just say here too, if you're relationship and you haven't done this work, you can start now in the relationship that you're in. You can do the work in the relationship you're in and move the needle. You can still heal. It doesn't have to be only when you're dating and single, but truly doing this work will evolve, change everything for you. So that's it for today. Thank you for watching. Please like share subscribe to this this channel this video if you enjoyed this and I'll see you next time.