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So maybe you've been connecting with somebody for a while and things have become more physical, and yet you find that sometimes after intimacy, the person pulls away really dramatically and suddenly. Well, chances are this person could be a dismissive avoidant attachment style. And if you didn't know, there tend to be four major things that will absolutely cause an avoidant attachment style to run when it comes to sex and intimacy. And if you don't understand those triggers, you. You could unintentionally push your partner away, even if they really care for you and you really care for them. So in today's video, I'm going to take you through those four major things so that you know the buttons not to push, and you can have healthy conversations if any of these things are coming up and posing a threat to your intimate connection. So this is something that I get request for all the time. People ask me so many questions about attachment styles and sex. I want to talk about specifically how these things affect dismissive avoidance. So dismissive avoidance have really big core wounds around intimacy. And those core wounds are things like vulnerability equals I am unsafe. If I'm too vulnerable, then I will be weak. If I'm too vulnerable and I am seen too much, somebody will come to know that I am defective. So all of those I am weak. I am unsafe. I am defective. Those are big core wounds for dismissive avoidance, and they play a massive role in sex. Dismissive avoidants also feel afraid of being trapped or helpless or pressured. Pressured can. Like, being pressured can really trigger some of these dynamics. And so something that often takes place for DAs in general is this subconscious. That's not something conscious. It's not premeditated. But this dynamic of when they start bonding with somebody and connecting with somebody. The more emotional intimacy is there, the more depth of connection is there over time. And especially the more time that passes when DA start to actually form, like, an attachment pairing or an attachment bond to somebody, they start to feel triggered and afraid. They start to literally feel like, oh, my goodness, this dynamic is here. And those core wounds often get triggered. It's like, whoa, if I'm too vulnerable, all these bad things will happen. Where does this come from? This comes from their conditioning, right? Their subconscious programming in childhood. So when they are repeatedly vulnerable as children and they are repeatedly met with some form of emotional neglect, then you see this dynamic of, like, dismissive avoidance, feeling the need to shut down, the need to pull away because of these things taking place. And so that's how they learn to cope. And so this is what will come online as a coping mechanism the moment they reattach at a deep level that mirrors the depth of attachment that they had with their caregivers in childhood. And of course in our adult lives that becomes our primary attachment figure relationships. So what essentially takes place is, and I'm going to give a list of scenarios that can actually trigger these things for dismissive avoidance because there are many and I've seen them a lot over the years with different individuals and different conversations I've had with clients in my practice. One of the big ones is when there's a lot of vulnerability around sex. Like when there's a lot of actual intimacy, a lot of closeness, a lot of deep connection, a lot of like love or care. Like when those feelings are really heightened and then that gets brought into sex. Dismissive avoidance can literally have a huge shutdown after. And it's not because they didn't necessarily like enjoy the depth of connection in the experience, but because the next day they felt so vulnerable and it felt unsafe and scary and so they'll often shut down to go into this like self protection mode. Another big one is if there starts becoming pressure around sex, I might just make a whole separate video for that. But if sex starts changing in a relationship between two attachment styles and one person starts bringing it up like we're not having sex enough or not sleeping together enough and starts pressuring it, days will for sure feel trapped and, and pressured. And all these things that cause them to feel like they need to push somebody away to maintain that freedom to, to get rid of that feeling of pressure and it can actually wreak havoc on the sex life. Sex life with a dismissive avoidant, especially in a relationship. And another huge thing is if there's any kind of issue around sex, like if there's less sex or sex isn't going so well or there's problems occurring during sex, then we can see dismissive, dismissive ones put a lot of pressure on themselves and feel like they're defective because it's that big core wound. And you'll see that this defectiveness core wound will cause them to feel all the shame that they're now associating emotionally with sex because their subconscious mind is in association making machine. If we start going into an experience as people that makes us feel ashamed, we learn to feel the emotion of shame when we think about that experience again, that's how the mind is working essentially. And so dismissal avoidance will start to think about having sex with somebody and they'll feel shame or they'll feel fear, or they'll feel, you know, this. This need to shut down and protect themselves and stay safe because they're feeling unsafe. So you'll see these different dynamics that come about other, like, honorable mentions of situations that can come up is if they feel criticized about sex, that can be like, actually, that shouldn't be an honorable mention. That should be one of the top four in there. As potential problems and challenges can really make them feel, again, defective, not good enough, which can be really painful sometimes as well. Dismissive avoidance will start feeling, like, incapable of meeting their partner's needs. So if a partner keeps saying, we should be having sex more often, or these different things are coming up, if a DA doesn't realize that their core wounds are triggered and that that's causing them to pull away instead, they might just go, well, I just have different needs sexually, and I don't get it. And I'm not going to ever be able to meet this person's needs. And they can go into sort of this helplessness point of view, this feeling of being incapable again. They may shut down in this case or situation. And dismissive avoidance as well in certain contexts can start being really critical of themselves. They can really get into their own head around sex, especially if they feel like there's pressure or expectation. And it can really affect their ability to be present, to be in the moment, to enjoy sex. And it can really ruin the experience to a certain degree for days. I hope you enjoyed this. Thank you so much for watching and I will see you in the next video. And please subscribe if you're enjoying this channel. Thank you so much.