The Thais Gibson Podcast

Episode Summary: Top 10 Signs You Have A Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style

Host: Thais Gibson
Date: January 17, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Thais Gibson delves into the characteristics of the Dismissive Avoidant (DA) attachment style—a pattern deeply influential in how some individuals navigate relationships. She explains the subconscious programming that drives dismissive avoidants, highlights the top ten signs of this attachment style, and offers insight into both self-recognition and practical healing steps. The episode is full of accessible analogies, compassionate advice, and practical examples from Thais’s extensive experience working with clients.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Role of Attachment Styles in Relationships

• Attachment styles create subconscious rules for “how to do love, how to do connection” ([00:32]).
• Misalignments in attachment can cause miscommunications and unnecessary conflict:

  "It's like one person has the rules for Monopoly, the other person has the rules for Scrabble." ([00:43])

2. Top 10 Signs You’re Dismissive Avoidant

1. Fear of Vulnerability ([02:10])

• Dismissive avoidants are deeply afraid of being vulnerable, though they may not consciously connect to this fear.
• Vulnerability may trigger feelings of helplessness, weakness, shame, or unsafety.
• Childhood messages like “Don’t cry, be a big girl/boy” contribute to this avoidance.

“Dismissive avoidants tend to really be afraid of being vulnerable, and they will do all sorts of different things to avoid vulnerability, especially as they get closer and closer to people in relationships.” ([02:30])

2. Escaping Into Distractions ([04:25])

• DAs often escape into stimulation (TV, music, phones) to avoid emotions.
• This behavior is a subconscious strategy developed in response to chronic emotional neglect in childhood.

"It's almost like they need constant stimulation... I truly believe... dismissive avoidants do this... to distract themselves from their own feelings." ([05:13])

3. Avoiding Conflict ([10:35])

• DAs dislike and avoid conflict, often using deflection, shutting down, or withdrawal.
• They'll agree to things in the moment just to escape the situation, but may not resolve or revisit the issue.

“They will do what they can to deflect, avoid, shut down, withdraw... because of that I am unsafe core wound.” ([11:03])

4. Heightened Sensitivity to Criticism ([14:11])

• DAs have a strong “I am defective” core wound.
• Self-shaming can be chronic, even over minor things (ex: feeling bad for getting up late).

“They tend to struggle with this 'I am defective' core wound, which really is like something's wrong with me.” ([15:01])

5. Low Emotional Bandwidth ([18:12])

• DAs often feel they have little to give emotionally and are in a “low level deactivated state.”
• Since emotional needs weren't modeled or met in childhood, they struggle to “pour into” themselves or others.

“They tend to not really feel like they can pour into other people emotionally.” ([18:31])

6. Feeling Chronically Misunderstood ([21:08])

• DAs often believe people “just don't get them,” and hesitate to express their needs due to fear of vulnerability.
• Poor communication (not expressing “why” they need something) leads to misunderstandings and conflict.

“They usually chronically feel misunderstood and struggle to even open themselves up.” ([21:14])

7. Hyper-Independence: “Everyone is Responsible for Themselves” ([25:08])

• DAs tend to believe the onus is entirely on each person to manage their own emotions and needs.
• They miss out on healthy interdependence: sharing and supporting one another as both independent and interdependent beings.

"Healthy interdependence means, yes, we are responsible for our own feelings and needs, but we can also communicate them to others and have them be considerate of us at the same time." ([26:54])

8. Craving Simple, Low-Effort Relationships ([30:59])

• Because conflict and vulnerability are difficult and unmodeled, DAs crave ease in relationships.
• May lose interest if things feel complicated or effortful.

“They tend to want a relationship that is simple, harmonious, and basically low effort.” ([31:04])

9. Sudden Loss of Feelings / Flaw Finding ([33:54])

• DAs may “lose feelings” for someone suddenly, frequently during escalating attachment.
• Nitpicking or flaw-finding is used to justify withdrawal as fears are triggered.

“They end up losing feelings, suddenly flaw finding in their partner as a subconscious strategy to feel protected.” ([34:05])

10. A Belief That They’re Not Capable of Relationship ([36:10])

• DAs often think: "I'm just not cut out for relationships, I'm not wired for them."
• This belief stems from lack of emotional modeling, but can be changed with new tools and reprogramming.

“A lot of times, DAs... have said things to me like, 'I just think I'm not cut out for relationships, I'm not wired for them.'” ([36:53])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Attachment-style analogy:

  “It really isn't much different than sitting down and playing a board game and having a different set of rules for how to play the game.” ([00:43])

• On chronic misunderstanding:

  “DA's tend to have this big I am misunderstood core wound and they often shy away from communication when in fact that communication would help you get your needs met, that would help you feel seen and known in a healthy way.” ([21:46])

• On hyper-independence vs. interdependence:

  “Interdependence is the middle... between codependency... and independence, like hyper independence or even counter dependency.” ([25:23])

• On healing and change:

  “It is absolutely possible to change, to become secure, to have healthy attached relationships.” ([39:18])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Attachment styles overview & analogy: 00:00 – 01:00
• Sign 1: Fear of Vulnerability: 02:10 – 04:18
• Sign 2: Escaping Into Distractions: 04:25 – 10:15
• Sign 3: Avoiding Conflict: 10:35 – 13:48
• Sign 4: Sensitivity to Criticism: 14:11 – 18:09
• Sign 5: Low Emotional Bandwidth: 18:12 – 21:00
• Sign 6: Feeling Misunderstood: 21:08 – 25:04
• Sign 7: Hyper-Independence: 25:08 – 30:54
• Sign 8: Craving Simplicity: 30:59 – 33:48
• Sign 9: Sudden Loss of Feelings / Flaw Finding: 33:54 – 36:06
• Sign 10: Belief in Relationship Incompetence: 36:10 – 39:18

Tone & Approach

• Thais speaks with empathy, using real client examples and gentle reminders that these traits are “programs” and not immutable truths.
• She avoids shaming, instead emphasizing that all these patterns can be deprogrammed and healed with the right tools.
• The language is informative, accessible, and motivational—intended as much for those who identify with DA traits as for their partners.

Final Thoughts

Thais Gibson offers a comprehensive, compassionate breakdown of Dismissive Avoidant attachment, equipping listeners with both understanding and hope. The episode is valuable both for self-insight and for people seeking clarity in their relationships.