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The dismissive avoidant discard, often an experience that many people have had that leaves them feeling confused and frustrated and even doubting themselves and wondering what should they have done differently to prevent the situation. Well, in today's video, we are going to break down why the dismissive avoidant discard may even come from feelings they had as much as feelings they didn't have. And if you're struggling with this and want closure in 2025, this is your time to actually understand what's going on here, how you can get to the bottom of this, truly have closure and move on and understand what was really happening behind the scenes. Her name is Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. I hope I pronounce her name properly. Thais Gibson. I am so excited for you to be here with me today. Thank you for joining us. So, first and foremost, the term avoidant discard essentially refers to a pattern of behavior exhibited by avoidant attachment styles in relationships. In this particular video, although there's also a fearful avoidant version of this, we're going to start by talking about the more dismissive avoidant version of this. Now, avoidant attachment refers to a psychological set of patterns where somebody may avoid emotional intimacy and closeness in relationships as a means of self protection. And obviously in the context of a romantic relationship, this avoidant discard may occur when an individual with avoidant attachment tendencies abruptly ends a relationship as a means of avoiding becoming too emotionally involved or too vulnerable. And the avoidant discard is generally characterized by a very sudden and unexplained breakup, usually also with a reluctance to actually address the root problem or issue and talk it out or work things through. And also a tendency to distance oneself emotionally from a partner. And what happens is this behavior can be deeply hurtful to a partner on the receiving end who may feel completely blindsided and even really confused by this sudden ending of a relationship. So how does it actually affect somebody on the receiving end? Well, the first thing that's so important to recognize is there tends to be this extreme lack of closure if somebody leaves a relationship seemingly out of the blue without discussing issues, without actually addressing issues. And sometimes it can be, even when the relationship seems to be going well, it can leave somebody feeling so confused, so caught off guard and absolutely blindsided by this entire scenario, which also leaves this person with a total lack of closure received from the avoidant who left the relationship all of a sudden. So on top of this, the second major thing that it does is it tends to exacerbate any pre existing abandonment wounds or can even create abandonment wounds because of the intense emotionality of the situation. So because an avoidant often leaves either because they're suddenly scared of being too vulnerable and their own feelings scare them, it can actually cause them to leave without any kind of indication prior to this that this is something that was on mind or they were thinking or feeling. And the way they often go about leaving during the avoidant discard is without having a proper conversation or lack or proper closure. There may be a total lack of conversation altogether or in really difficult cases we may even see an avoidant attachment style leave a relationship through a text or through just kind of fading out, even if there might have been a certain degree of seriousness or investment from both parties in the relationship situation where a text or just fizzling out all of a sudden might not have the appropriate approach to this matter. So not only is there lack of closure, lack of understanding, and a new creation of abandonment wounds, or at least this retraumatization of past abandonment wounds which can leave somebody in a lot of pain or suffering, but it often leaves the person on the receiving end of this. Unfortunately, in a space of really personalizing this behavior, it's something that I found over and over again is that the person on the receiving end of this discard often ends up doing a lot of self blaming, thinking it was all my fault or things like if I only did this one thing different, differently, maybe this discarding wouldn't have happened. But I think it's really important to note that if you are in the receiving end of this, there are much deeper matters at heart here that cause this to take place. They really are not just one person's fault, particularly the person being discarded in this situation. If you're ready to build secure and lasting relationships, this is for you. Start your 7 day free trial and gain lifetime access to my 6 Pillars to a Secure Relationship course which is a step by step guide to designed to help you understand securely attached relationships and how to get there by rewiring your own insecurely attached patterns. Complete the course within seven days and it's yours for life. This is a limited time offer, so don't wait. Click the link in the description below to begin your healing journey today. So when we look at the self blaming aspect, a question I would love for you to ask yourself if you are or have been on the receiving end of this in some form is what are the stories I'm actually telling myself? Am I telling myself if only I were good enough, this wouldn't have taken place. Or if only I was more supportive or more loving or more attentive or change my behavior in some way, this wouldn't have happened. And if we cling to those stories, one of the most difficult things that happens is that just the attachment to those stories ends up being an attachment to that relationship. We think, oh, if only I had done something differently, this wouldn't have taken place. And by taking on that belief, lame. It makes you attach yourself to the past and to all of the regret that's coming through those stories and narratives that you're feeding to yourself on autopilot. And honestly, it's very heartbreaking, and it's making an already difficult situation so much more difficult. So I want to go through this together here for a moment and talk about what you can actually do in this situation. And step one here of three major steps is you can actually start by dumping out those stories that you might have been running on autopilot. And the most common ones I'll see are, I'm not worthy of love, or I'm going to be abandoned, you know, in any relationship, or I'm going to be alone forever, or if only I did ABC differently, this wouldn't have taken place. If only I was better in some way or more lovable, or if only my behavior shifted in some form. And so what I want you to be able to do here is dump out any of those stories or narratives that you find yourself running and rerunning on autopilot. Because again, those narratives are you just attaching to regret, which is, in a sense, keeping you attached to this past relationship and situation. When a discard happens, the best thing we can do is actually try to move on and get closure. Now, once you've actually aired all of those different stories and put them on paper, I want you to really question them. Things like, if I had only done this one thing differently, everything else would be different or have changed. Is that true? Can you really know for a fact that that's true? In fact, could it be something other than that? Could it be something like this person had a lot of different things that they needed to work through or work on in regards to their fears of commitment or vulnerability. That would have actually been the root of these different challenges. And each time you go through one of these narratives that's been running on autopilot, what you're empowered to start doing is shedding these things, shedding your attachment to these ideas or concepts that when you do attach to Them, they cause a tremendous amount of suffering. So by really questioning them and even looking for opposing, EV will help you release yourself from these chains that are keeping you attached to somebody. And in this mode of regret, Step two, when we don't have closure, we can create our own closure. Now, what we're usually actually seeking when we're looking for closure is we're looking for a need to be met around certainty. And what I mean by this is usually we get a sense of certainty when there's a closure conversation. So if you are not getting certainty from this person because of the discard event, then you want to create your own certainty in your your life going forward. And what you can do is you can actually take out what were the key lessons from this experience? You know, what did this experience teach me? Did it teach me to look out for myself a little bit more, or to learn to meet my own needs? Or maybe not to put all of my eggs in one basket? Or perhaps to put myself in a position where I can be empowered to communicate my needs or vet more effectively for the future in terms of who I want to date and what qualities and characteristics are important to me. I mean, there can be so many lessons that come out of this, but generally, the more that we find these lessons, we get this sense of closure and peace because we get these key takeaways from the event that help us kind of rest assured that we won't have to repeat these things in the future. And when we know we're less likely to repeat these painful events in the future, it gives us an internal sense of certainty. And thus it's a form of creating our own closure. So this can be a very powerful way of going about this particular situation. And number three, you want to ask yourself, what needs was this person meeting in my life in general? And when we grieve something, usually one of the biggest features in regards to what we're grieving is we're grieving the void of those needs being met. We're used to relying on somebody getting our needs met in a specific form. So when that person is suddenly gone from our lives, there's this void left behind where we were used to getting those needs. And so what you can do is you can write a list out of all of the needs that this person represented, and then you come up with new ideas and ways to meet those needs in your personal life, but also in your life with others. And by doing just that, you empower yourself to fill that void that was causing the feelings of grief to begin with. And these are three powerful ways to really start overcoming the traumatic parts of a discard and all of the things that are missing and the root cause reasons that it stings so much. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to subscribe. Subscribe, rate and review us on your favorite podcast platform. Share it with friends and family who are on their journey of personal development and growth, and thank you for listening. Next week we'll be back with more insights to guide you on your journey. And until then, keep practicing our tools and strategies to change your subconscious mind and apply some of the powerful learnings from this podcast so that you experience real life transformation.