Podcast Summary:

The Thais Gibson Podcast – When Is a Dismissive Avoidant Actually in Love? 5 Signs
Hosted by Thais Gibson | November 4, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Thais Gibson takes a close look at the often-misunderstood experience of love for people with a dismissive avoidant attachment style. She breaks down five specific signs that reveal when a dismissive avoidant is truly falling in love. With practical examples and nuanced explanation, Thais helps listeners spot these subtle, but meaningful, shifts that indicate genuine emotional investment.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Inclusion Into Their World (00:51)

• Thais explains: The first and perhaps most noticeable sign is when a dismissive avoidant starts including you more and more in their life.
  • Before feeling certainty, they'll keep partners at arm’s length—avoiding introductions to friends or family, or keeping daily routines private.
  • As their comfort and security grow, "they will slowly but surely bring you around more people, connect you with other people."
• Notable Quote:

  "When a dismissive avoidant feels truly certain about somebody, they literally want to bring them in... They want them to be a staple in their lives." (01:31)

Key nuance: The pace of inclusion may be slow—this isn't a lack of care but a sign they're working towards certainty and security.

2. Gradual Openness and Vulnerability (03:08)

• Dismissive avoidant individuals test the waters by opening up in small, strategic ways, seeking to see if you’re safe to trust.
  • Examples include sharing minor embarrassing stories or small regrets.
  • This "testing" is mostly subconscious—not calculated, but protective.
  • Each successful disclosure paves the way for deeper future openness.
• Notable Quote:

  "…they might just say one thing or one story, but they really are testing... do you still accept me? Did that go well? Can I trust you not to judge me?" (04:19)

• Insight: Consistent, slowly increasing transparency signals growing connection—even if outward vulnerability still seems limited.

3. Making Long-Term Plans (06:08)

• Discussing future trips, holidays, or shared goals signifies investment.
  • For dismissive avoidants, this is atypical—so even subtle forward planning is a “massive marker” of love and commitment.
• Notable Quote:

  "They’ll actually make long term plans... These are massive markers of emotional investment, especially as a dismissive avoidant." (06:26)

4. Trying to Meet Your Needs (07:07)

• When in love, dismissive avoidants work to understand, remember, and act on your expressed needs—especially when those needs are communicated clearly and kindly.
  • Their responses may be delayed, but genuine; you might see them change behavior the next day or week.
  • Examples: acts of service, putting away distractions, making efforts to be present.
• Notable Quote:

  "They are so good at actually taking a step back and then going the next day or the next week and doing those things. And those are huge markers of investment." (08:17)

• Key reflection: If needs aren't communicated well, they may withdraw—interpreting unclear requests as criticism, which creates distance.

5. Initiative to Bridge Distance (10:12)

• Perhaps the most surprising sign: genuinely invested dismissive avoidants will initiate plans and attempt to repair after disagreements or periods of distance.
  • It may be slower and more measured than other attachment styles, but the “needle is always moving.”
  • If they're uninterested, they'll disappear or stop trying; when in love, they return and keep investing effort consistently.
• Notable Quote:

  "Dismissive avoidants when they're interested in somebody, they make an effort. They're just slower." (10:23)

• Analogy:

  "If somebody's trying to run a 10k race, the dismissive avoidant isn't going to sprint... but they're going to complete the race." (10:38)

• Action they take: Initiate contact, make plans, and repair after conflicts, showing willingness to do the work and become emotionally secure.

Memorable Moments and Reflections

• Strength of subtlety: Thais emphasizes that for dismissive avoidants, even small changes are “massive markers” of connection and vulnerability—what seems minor on the outside may be huge for them.
• Importance of communication: Clear, kind articulation of needs is essential—otherwise, attempts to connect may be misinterpreted as criticism, deepening the gap.
• Dispelling myths: Thais debunks the stereotype that dismissive avoidants never initiate or repair in relationships when invested—they absolutely do, just more gradually.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:31 – When dismissive avoidants start bringing you into their life.
• 04:19 – Testing the waters with vulnerability.
• 06:26 – Making and discussing long-term plans.
• 08:17 – Actioning your needs through behavioral change.
• 10:23 – Initiating effort to bridge gaps and maintain connection.
• 10:38 – "10k race" analogy for the dismissive avoidant pace.

Conclusion

Thais Gibson’s accessible, compassionate approach provides valuable insight for anyone in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant partner—or those identifying with this pattern themselves. By understanding these five distinct but sometimes understated signs, listeners can better recognize real love and investment, appreciate the unique path to intimacy for dismissive avoidants, and foster healthier, more secure relationships.