Podcast Summary: The Thais Gibson Podcast

Episode: When YOU PULL Away From the Dismissive Avoidant…
Host: Thais Gibson
Date: August 27, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Thais Gibson explores what happens when the usual dynamic of a dismissive avoidant attachment flips—when you are the one stepping back or going silent. She tackles whether dismissive avoidants (DAs) really miss their partners after a period of silence, the psychology behind the DA response, and whether silence is a helpful or harmful strategy for repair and growth. The episode delves into attachment foundations, emotional repression, and the fine line between healing distance and manipulative tactics.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding the Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

Dismissive avoidants are conditioned early:
- DAs grow up in environments with little emotional attunement—households where feelings are largely ignored, neglected, or even shamed.
- "[They] keep trying to go back to like what they know. We all try to operate out of our subconscious comfort zone..." (Thais Gibson, 02:30)
Emotional needs were never truly met, leading them to seek comfort in superficial relationships.

2. The Impact of Pulling Away from a Dismissive Avoidant

Does a DA miss you if you go silent?
- Thais answers: "On one hand, the answer is absolutely yes. And this is largely because dismissive avoidants are operating in their feelings, minus their fears." (Thais Gibson, 01:15)
- When their partner goes silent, it temporarily removes the source of vulnerability and fear, allowing DAs to tap into their feelings without the fear of being hurt.
Coping and emotional processing:
- DAs are skilled at repressing their emotions. Silence gives them a reprieve from fear, but also triggers a delayed processing of the loss.
- "They tend to be really good at repressing their emotions first around it because that's their way of initially coping... and then eventually, they start being like, 'okay, well, I can feel some of these feelings,'" (Thais Gibson, 10:40)

3. Out of Sight, Out of Mind—Or Not?

Short-term vs. long-term reaction:
- For a period (typically "six weeks to three months," according to Thais) after someone pulls away, a DA may successfully keep their emotions at bay.
- Eventually, once safe from imminent rejection, they begin to process pain and hurt from the silence.
DAs’ tendency for distance:
- DAs often engage in long-distance or emotionally distant relationships as a subconscious way of preserving safety and bypassing deep vulnerability.
- "It's like, oh, if there's more distance, I don't have to feel like I'm so vulnerable to you. I can be vulnerable from a distance, which feels safe." (Thais Gibson, 07:45)

4. The Role and Risks of Silence

Silence as a tool—use with care:
- Silence can have a positive effect by removing emotional triggers and giving each party space for clarity.
- "If you're just trying to use silence as a technique to make somebody miss you, there's an element of manipulation in that." (Thais Gibson, 14:08)
- In contrast, using silence to establish boundaries and reflect on what you want is healthy and empowering.
Growth and clarity:
- If a person uses the time apart to get clear on their needs and boundaries, any reconnection can be productive, provided genuine changes are made.
- "If I get these things when a person tries to reconnect, I may be open to seeing how it goes... if I keep seeing momentum, I may keep my mind open and continue to invest." (Thais Gibson, 16:21)

5. Caution: Silence Without Growth Is Harmful

Relying solely on silence to get someone back, without any growth or change in the relationship structure, is ultimately damaging for both parties.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

"When you're not there, there's nothing to fear. There's no vulnerability to fear."
— Thais Gibson, 06:50
"They can become out of sight and out of mind... Generally there's a bit of a time period at which that occurs and it tends to be between like six weeks to three months..."
— Thais Gibson, 09:58
"If you are just using silence to get somebody back and there's no growth in the relationship, then that becomes harmful for everybody."
— Thais Gibson, 17:32

Important Timestamps

00:00 – 01:15: Introduction & summary of DA stonewalling vs. the effect of you pulling away
01:15 – 05:00: Origins of dismissive avoidant programming
07:45: DAs and long-distance relationships as "safe" spaces
09:58: The "six weeks to three months" window and DA’s emotional repression
14:08: The potential manipulativeness of using silence as a tactic
16:21 – 17:32: The importance of growth and clear boundaries when reconnecting

Episode Tone & Style

Thais delivers the episode with a warm, empathetic, and practical tone. Her approach is informative and non-judgmental, focusing on self-awareness, growth, and healthy strategies for all attachment types.

This episode provides listeners with an in-depth understanding of the dismissive avoidant mind, the nuanced impacts of distance and silence, and concrete guidance for those seeking authentic healing and secure attachments.

Transcript

A (0:00)

So we know dismissive avoidant attachment styles often stonewall or leave situations all of a sudden or out of the blue. But what happens when this is in reverse? What happens when you are the one that goes silent, when you are the one that pulls away from the dismissive avoidant? Do they miss you if you go quiet? In today's video, we are going to break it down. And the very last point I make in this video might really shock you. So stay tuned. Her name is Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Tyce Gibson. Thais Gibson. I hope I pronounce her name properly. Thais Gibson. I am so excited for you to be here with me today. Thank you for joining us. We're going to talk about the different facets of this. On one hand, the answer is absolutely yes. And this is largely because dismissive avoidants are operating in their feelings, minus their fears. But there's more to it than just that. So dismissive avoidance are basically in this place where there's subconscious programming in relationship to attachment. It's is they were programmed to feel like attachment was painful because they often felt emotionally neglected. There may have been certain needs they got met at a more superficial level. And that's generally why they try to stay in more superficial relationships, because it's their comfort zone. But when it came to the emotional depth of a relationship to parents and caregivers, where emotions were discussed, the child was attuned to, they were checked in with. Hey, how was your day? I noticed you're off today. It's something happen at school. Talk to me about it. I mean, that's even when attachment develops later into childhood, really develops at a much younger age first. But of course we can get conditioned in different ways over time. But as this is taking place, a child from a DA household or who becomes a DA grows up in a household where there is a total lack of emotional attunement. And that's very painful. And so they keep trying to go back to like what they know. We all try to operate out of our subconscious comfort zone, which means if parents and caregivers were just operating with you in a place of harmony, safety, high level commitment, high level connection, intellectual connection, but no real depth of emotional connection. If that wasn't anchored in there, then they keep trying to go back to those types of relationships, go back to what they know. So when real vulnerability is required, which is just a natural unfolding, when we start to really develop feelings for somebody and more deeply attach, they often try to sabotage it. It's scary. That's outside of my comfort zone. The subconscious mind keeps wanting to re engage with what's familiar. So we have the DA operating in this state of their feelings minus their fears. And so when those fears come online too strongly, it's very terrifying. And that will often cause the DA to try to keep people at arm's length or pull away. Now, they often also associate their feelings as a sign of weakness or defectiveness. Right. Shame. When a child grows up in a household where they're shamed for something, or when they grow up in a household where something's really not met and it's neglected, they experience that part of themselves as shameful, that part of themselves that was neglected. So, you know, they will really try to keep people away here. Now what's interesting is that so silence, what silence does in a relationship is it takes the fears away because when you're not there, there's nothing to fear. There's no vulnerability to fear. There's no deep connection to fear. There's no obliteration of the subconscious comfort zone to fear. So they can really tap into their feelings. However, dismissive avoidance can also be out of sight, out of mind individuals because they tend to really get their needs met from like, what's in front of them. It's not the case with DA Ever, but it is a bit of a coping mechanism that they're good at getting into and they also are good at like repressing their feelings for fairly long periods of time. So there needs to be like a healthy middle ground. You'll often see dismissive ones get into long distance relationships because it's their subconscious way of bypassing vulnerability a little bit. It's like, oh, if there's more distance, I don't have to feel like I'm so vulnerable to you. I can be vulnerable from a distance, which feels safe. So when we're trying to engage in a relationship with DA and maybe it's been on the rocks or it hasn't been working and you're taking, maybe you're going, no contact, things like that, there's sort of like this middle ground. But essentially you'll see this dynamic of like days tend to first respond to silence a lot. They respond to space a lot. They want to try to re engage a lot of the time or they miss that kind of connection and comfort when they're not in that fear mode. But they can become out of sight and out of mind or out of sight out of mind where they sort of like move on. And generally there's a bit of a time period at which that occurs and it tends to be between like six weeks to three months when something's on the rocks, it's not working and somebody pulls away. They tend to be really good at repressing their emotions first around it because that's their way of initially coping. It's like their go to coping mechanism. So they tend to sort of be able to keep their emotions at bay around situations and then eventually they start being like, okay, well I can feel some of these feelings and they're processing. They almost have like a delayed processing of their emotions. It's like, okay, this happened a while ago, it must be safe to feel now. And they'll sort of give themselves bit more permission to start feeling their feelings and that's where they can experience a lot of pain and hurt. Especially around silent if you're ready to build secure and lasting relationships, this is for you. Start your 7 day free trial and gain lifetime access to my 6 Pillars to a Secure Relationship course, which is a step by step guide designed to help you understand securely attached relationships and how to get there by rewiring your own insecurely attached patterns. Complete the course within seven days and it's yours for life. This is a limited time offer, so don't wait. Click the link in the description below to begin your healing journey today. So silence on one hand can be beneficial, but I think the relationship we each have to silence, if a relationship isn't working, has to be truthful to ourselves. So if you're just trying to use silence as a technique to make somebody miss you, there's an element of manipulation in that if you're using silence as a technique to give yourself space to figure out what you want in a relationship, if this is right for you, to give yourself actual boundaries so that you can do some healing if something's not working, and then you can be really clear if that person does try to reach back out to you or re engage about what you would need from that person in order to really make the relationship work. If you were thinking about it, well, now you're in a position where you can go, okay, I know what I would need. I'm very clear about it if I get these things. When a person tries to reconnect, I may be open to seeing how it goes for a period of time and if I keep seeing momentum, I may keep my mind open and continue to invest. But and this is with any attachment style, if you are just using silence to get somebody back and there's no growth in the relationship, then that becomes harmful for everybody. So I just wanted to put that up there as well. I probably should have put that as a disclaimer at the beginning, but I hope this makes a lot of sense. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to subscribe, rate and review us on your favorite podcast platform. Share it with friends and family who are on their journey of personal development and growth, and thank you for listening. Next week we'll be back with more insights to guide you on your journey. And until then, keep practicing our tools and strategies to change your subconscious mind and apply some of the powerful learnings from this podcast so that you experience real life transformation.