Podcast Summary: The Thais Gibson Podcast

Episode: When YOU PULL Away From the Dismissive Avoidant…
Host: Thais Gibson
Date: August 27, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Thais Gibson explores what happens when the usual dynamic of a dismissive avoidant attachment flips—when you are the one stepping back or going silent. She tackles whether dismissive avoidants (DAs) really miss their partners after a period of silence, the psychology behind the DA response, and whether silence is a helpful or harmful strategy for repair and growth. The episode delves into attachment foundations, emotional repression, and the fine line between healing distance and manipulative tactics.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding the Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

• Dismissive avoidants are conditioned early:
  • DAs grow up in environments with little emotional attunement—households where feelings are largely ignored, neglected, or even shamed.
  • "[They] keep trying to go back to like what they know. We all try to operate out of our subconscious comfort zone..." (Thais Gibson, 02:30)
• Emotional needs were never truly met, leading them to seek comfort in superficial relationships.

2. The Impact of Pulling Away from a Dismissive Avoidant

• Does a DA miss you if you go silent?
  • Thais answers: "On one hand, the answer is absolutely yes. And this is largely because dismissive avoidants are operating in their feelings, minus their fears." (Thais Gibson, 01:15)
  • When their partner goes silent, it temporarily removes the source of vulnerability and fear, allowing DAs to tap into their feelings without the fear of being hurt.
• Coping and emotional processing:
  • DAs are skilled at repressing their emotions. Silence gives them a reprieve from fear, but also triggers a delayed processing of the loss.
  • "They tend to be really good at repressing their emotions first around it because that's their way of initially coping... and then eventually, they start being like, 'okay, well, I can feel some of these feelings,'" (Thais Gibson, 10:40)

3. Out of Sight, Out of Mind—Or Not?

• Short-term vs. long-term reaction:
  • For a period (typically "six weeks to three months," according to Thais) after someone pulls away, a DA may successfully keep their emotions at bay.
  • Eventually, once safe from imminent rejection, they begin to process pain and hurt from the silence.
• DAs’ tendency for distance:
  • DAs often engage in long-distance or emotionally distant relationships as a subconscious way of preserving safety and bypassing deep vulnerability.
  • "It's like, oh, if there's more distance, I don't have to feel like I'm so vulnerable to you. I can be vulnerable from a distance, which feels safe." (Thais Gibson, 07:45)

4. The Role and Risks of Silence

• Silence as a tool—use with care:
  • Silence can have a positive effect by removing emotional triggers and giving each party space for clarity.
  • "If you're just trying to use silence as a technique to make somebody miss you, there's an element of manipulation in that." (Thais Gibson, 14:08)
  • In contrast, using silence to establish boundaries and reflect on what you want is healthy and empowering.
• Growth and clarity:
  • If a person uses the time apart to get clear on their needs and boundaries, any reconnection can be productive, provided genuine changes are made.
  • "If I get these things when a person tries to reconnect, I may be open to seeing how it goes... if I keep seeing momentum, I may keep my mind open and continue to invest." (Thais Gibson, 16:21)

5. Caution: Silence Without Growth Is Harmful

• Relying solely on silence to get someone back, without any growth or change in the relationship structure, is ultimately damaging for both parties.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "When you're not there, there's nothing to fear. There's no vulnerability to fear."
  — Thais Gibson, 06:50

• "They can become out of sight and out of mind... Generally there's a bit of a time period at which that occurs and it tends to be between like six weeks to three months..."
  — Thais Gibson, 09:58

• "If you are just using silence to get somebody back and there's no growth in the relationship, then that becomes harmful for everybody."
  — Thais Gibson, 17:32

Important Timestamps

• 00:00 – 01:15: Introduction & summary of DA stonewalling vs. the effect of you pulling away
• 01:15 – 05:00: Origins of dismissive avoidant programming
• 07:45: DAs and long-distance relationships as "safe" spaces
• 09:58: The "six weeks to three months" window and DA’s emotional repression
• 14:08: The potential manipulativeness of using silence as a tactic
• 16:21 – 17:32: The importance of growth and clear boundaries when reconnecting

Episode Tone & Style

Thais delivers the episode with a warm, empathetic, and practical tone. Her approach is informative and non-judgmental, focusing on self-awareness, growth, and healthy strategies for all attachment types.

This episode provides listeners with an in-depth understanding of the dismissive avoidant mind, the nuanced impacts of distance and silence, and concrete guidance for those seeking authentic healing and secure attachments.