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If you've ever been obsessed with somebody, constantly checking your phone, replaying conversations, or imagining futures that haven't happened yet, you might think that this is love. But most of the time, it's actually attachment activation. And today I'm gonna break down how each relationship style and what this means experiences obsession differently. Because obsession is not random. It follows patterns. And in this video, you will also find out what attachment style you are when it comes to romantic obsession, if you are not already. Aw. There is something known as attachment styles. These are basically your love styles in a relationship, and everybody has 1. The four attachment styles we're gonna go through, you're gonna find what yours are, but they very much determine how you give and receive love and have a huge impact on your relationships as a whole. As you're gonna come to see. Her name is Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. Thais Gibson. I hope I pronounce her name properly. Thai Gibson. I am so excited for you to be here with me today. Thank you for joining us. So I want you to listen to these first symptoms and see if you resonate with this first attachment style, and then I'll tell you what it is. Number one, constantly checking for text messages. Number two, overanalyzing tone and timing. Constantly fantasizing about commitment very early on into meeting somebody. And maybe having big mood swings based on somebody else's emotional. Emotional responses. And maybe you feel physically anxious when there's distance or less connection happening in the relationship. This is usually something somebody experiences when they are anxiously attached because obsession doesn't feel like a choice. It feels like survival. And anxiously attached individuals and relationships, they are constantly seeking more closeness. They like to move fast in relationships. They want a commitment very early, and that is because they are deeply wired to feel fear. Abandonment to fear, being rejected, disliked, excluded. These are their big triggers in relationships. And as you're going to come to see, each attachment style, they have different triggers when it comes to love. So our second one is somebody in relationships who thinks about somebody a lot but doesn't often reach out. They may fantasize privately about the partner or person they're interested in while they act attached on the surface. They may even obsess or ruminate and feel grief and loss after a relationship ends. But you wouldn't know that they care that much when they're in the relationship itself. And last but not least, this person tends to idealize unavailable people. In fact, dismissive avoidance, which is what this attachment style is. They often look the opposite of obsessed, but it doesn't mean they aren't in their own way. And they actually have a tendency to be invested in people a lot of times, like movie characters they'll have crushes on or feelings for, or people who are in relationships or live on the other side of the world. They literally tend to feel attracted to and a little bit obsessed about people who are unavailable. But they fantasize very privately in their own mind, rather than actually going out into the world and trying to express vulnerably what their feelings are. And the psychology behind this is that they suppress their attachment needs. It's a big part of the way that they've learned to cope. And emotional unavailability feels safer to them than real intimacy. Because often dismissive avoidance grew up in households or environments where they couldn't quite get their emotional needs met, especially across across time. And so they basically coped with this by just trying not to need anybody and by becoming super self reliant and hyper independent instead. Now, why this is confusing is that this person, when they're in a relationship, may actually be a little bit numb. And yet once the relationship ends, they'll wish that they still had that person in their life. So this sort of obsession tends to appear a little bit more in hindsight and avoidant obsession is very private and intimate. It's about them caring in a way that feels much safer from a distance. But when they learn to tolerate closeness, obsession becomes connection instead of fantasy and helps improve the quality of a relationship. So here's our third one. This is the individual in relationship dynamics who tends to bond intensely very quickly. They like to go really deep and get to know everything about you as early on as possible into dating. In fact, they often are a little bit hyper fixated on a person, and they tend to be obsessive personalities fairly frequently in all areas and aspects of their life. But when closeness and intimacy starts to increase, in fact, when somebody actually expresses that need for that bond and connection back to them, they begin to panic and then they pull away to basically convince themselves that they're okay and they don't need this person, and to try to make themselves feel safe and in control. But as soon as they pull away and they feel distance from that person, they begin to obsess again. In fact, this often becomes the fearful avoidance cycle of obsession, where they crave someone intensely, but then when that intensity is mirrored back to them, they feel a sudden urge to run. You see, that's not chemistry. That is a fearful avoidant cycle. And this is because fearful avoidance have the simultaneous fear of abandonment and engulfment. They're afraid of being abandoned and they're afraid of being trapped. And they have this dopamine spike that is very familiar to them. Whenever there's emotional volatility in relationships, partially because that was usually the type of environment they grew up in. They usually had a subconscious comfort zone around chaos. Their nervous system is basically addicted to intensity. And so this causes them to associate chaos with connection, which means high highs and low lows, and a lot of this hot and cold extreme in terms of patterns of behavior. In fact, for fearful avoidant attachment styles, when something is too calm or stable, they often tend to describe it as being a little bit boring. So this push pull cycle isn't passion. It is a dysregulated nervous system and a subconscious mind that are literally addicted to emotional chaos. But when fearful avoidance build internal safety, then love actually starts to feel like there's novelty and excitement and passion, while simultaneously them being able to experience a sense of safety and trust. The very last attachment style is a secure attachment style. And they are individuals who are basically emotionally immune from obsessiveness. Of course they can deeply care about things, of course they can want to invest into things. But they are not types to obsess because they have a balanced and healthy relationship to themselves. In fact, if you look a little bit more closely, what you will come to see is that we all obsess over things that we don't know how to self source internally. In other words, you're going to obsess over that validation from your partner when you don't know how to validate yourself. Or you're going to obsess over feeling seen and understood by somebody when you're not that great at seeing and understanding your own internal world. And because securely attached people self source their needs quite well, they are extremely unlikely to hyper obsess and fixate on things and individuals outside of themselves, which instead makes room for a much healthier, harmonious and stable love obsession. It's not proof of love, it's proof that your attachment style is activated. And when you learn to regulate yourself, move through core wounds and meet some of your own needs, you actually create space for real secure connection. And if you didn't already know this, securely attached people report not just having the longest lasting relationships, but they report feeling the most fulfilled and connected in a meaningful way with each other in those long lasting relationships. And if you've ever felt ashamed about obsessing over somebody, I want you to know it's not a character flaw, it is an attachment pattern that you've learned. I specialize here in attachment theory and subconscious rewiring, and I've helped tens of thousands of people really break down and move through obsessive cycles to build secure relationships, starting with a relationship to themselves. And inside the Personal Development School, we don't just talk about attachment styles, we teach you how to rewire them so that you can truly heal. Because when you regulate your nervous system, when you heal your core wounds, know how to meet your needs, you stop chasing intensity and you start creating stability. Because obsession feels powerful, but security feels peaceful and rooted. And peace is ultimately what allows love to last. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to subscribe, rate and review it on your favorite podcast platform, share it with friends and family who are on their journey of personal development and growth, and thank you for listening. Next week we'll be back with more insights to guide you on your journey. And until then, keep practicing our tools and strategies to change your subconscious mind. And apply some of the powerful learnings from this podcast so that you experience real life transformation.