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Tim Dillon
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. RIP to those pilots at LaGuardia, you know, everybody's tagging me, going, you called it. Which is not exactly. That's not. My goal here is to call air disasters before they happen. But I will say that I've been flying a long time and I've been paying attention to travel and there's been a lot of near misses and I've never felt less safe sitting on a tarmac waiting to take off. I have never personally felt less safe. I think there are too many people out flying. I don't know where everyone's going. And I'm not trying, I'm not saying, like, people shouldn't be allowed to go anywhere. I'm just saying the demand and the fact that the system is, seems to be at a breaking point. Inevitably things like this are going to happen. But I, you know, I don't like that, like you call you, you called it. I, I'm like, all right, people dying, people losing their life, people that were injured. LaGuardia is a terrible airport. If you don't know LaGuardia, it's a little, it's, is it, is it one Runway? It's two runways, it's, it's not international. It's a domestic New York City airport. The runways are not long enough to land, you know, Airbus A380s and stuff coming in from Qatar, Dubai, London. So you're, it's, it's flights from Chicago and it's this little airport and it is incredibly busy. You go right over Rikers island. It's like right next to Rikers island, the big jail complex. And then you land and then a fire truck, you know, and then you're killed. And this is a terrible tragedy and it's a horrible thing. And this is unfortunately indicative of a Broken system. Air Canada, which, by the way, is a pretty safe airline, right? Air Canada, they're not going. You don't hear problems with Air Canada a lot. So, by the way, RIP to those two pilots. And truly, you know, I got some attention for telling people to stay home, but I'm. I. I'll be very honest with you. I think now you. You really have to think about traveling and think about the necessity at, at the moment of. Of. Of. Do you need to go to the place it. Do you need to go there, you know, or can we wait? Can we push it off? Can we delay it? Can we do it next year? And the answer to a lot of those questions will be yes. And then you're sitting on your couch and you're okay. And that's all I'm saying. If you have to go places, as I often do, you got to go, you got to go, you got to go. But if you don't, and it's at all possible to put the trip off, I don't know, I might. Do you need to see your sister in Fort Lauderdale? Do you need to pick up a phone? Half the. You get down there, half the time is travel. Then you actually get down there, and then you sit there with your sister and her husband and you go, what are we doing? You go to some steakhouse. It's like mid. Some mid tier. You know what I mean? You're sitting at a steakhouse in Boca and you go, I hope when we take off tomorrow and land at LaGuardia Airport, the fire truck doesn't drive onto the Runway so that I could sit here and eat truffle Mac and cheese and listen to your sister's mouth. Amy Poehler doing very well in the charts. Good for Amy Poehler, winner of best podcast award, obviously, at the Golden Globes. What's funny? A little funny story that I find to be amusing, and it's why I'm telling it. I've never met Amy Paul. I think she's brilliant. She has a podcast and she sent my producer an email saying that she wanted me on the podcast, which, like, immediately I was like, wait a minute, something's awry. And. And this, again, is just one of the funnier stories of what's happening right now in Los Angeles, because, as you know, Los Angeles is cratering and many of the people who live here are not working. And, you know, you get it. We've gone over it. Um, so apparently, this email that I got, which I'm gonna read you right now, let's start with the email. Let's actually read this email. A candid conversation on comedy and culture. So someone sends this email. Greetings, Tim. I hope this finds you well. My name is Julia, and I handle guest bookings for Amy Poehler, host of the Good Hang podcast on the show. So immediately I'm like, wait, what? This is not to say anything bad about Amy Poehler. She has, like, Viola Davis on, right? And Ariana Grande. It's like a different thing. It's a different thing. Like, I don't think right. On the show, Amy has real heartfelt conversations with people who are making a meaningful impact through their work and life. Now, I've listened to the show. Most of it is her asking these celebrities what time they go to sleep. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. But, Mo, a lot of it does seem to be that. How much water do you drink? When do you go to sleep? Hey, whatever. Get the money. I have a ton of respect for her comedically in other avenues, but I've listened to it, and it's Ariana Grande comes in, and she's a little listless, and they come in and, you know, they hit her with a little protein, she wakes back up. We would love to invite you to join her for an upcoming episode. Our listeners truly value honesty, growth, and authentic perspectives. Now, so immediately we get this email. My producer, me, get this email. We're sitting there, we're kind of, like, dumbfounded because the beginning, we're kind of taken in by it. We. We kind of believe it, right? Our listeners value honesty, growth, and authentic perspectives. And your voice as a comedian and podcaster with sharp take on culture and modern life would make for an engaging and memorable conversation. Now, by the way, in my head, I'm going, why in God's name would she want this? Why would she want, like, a guy who might say something to ruffle feathers or whatever? Like, she's got a list talent. They're brilliant. Like, go and get Meryl Streep. Why would you. This has. I have nothing to do with this. So. So if this sounds like something you'd enjoy, I'd be glad to coordinate next steps to find a time that works best for you. Okay, so here's the great part of the email. We also offer competitive compensation in recognition of your time and participation. So now we read this. Me and my producer read it. We don't think anything of it. This is how out to lunch I am. I don't think anything of the fact that after this whole Email, which glazes me as this guy that has sharp takes on the cultural climate that are badly needed over at Good Hang. Okay. Which is, by the way, like, the last thing they need is that. That. That their show's doing great because it has a great formula that works. Jonathan Groff comes on, or another celebrity, and then she asks them if they're lactose intolerant or. It's fine. It's a great thing that works for everyone. So why in God's name are you going to have me screaming about Iran or something? It makes no sense. No sense at all. And I, like, I don't think she has. It's a good show. Like, it's a laid back, relaxed show, and she gets icons and she's like a comedic icon, truly. I think Amy Poehler's like, legit, legit, legit. You know what I mean? Is she the greatest podcast rule? Who knows? Maybe not, maybe not. I don't know. I don't know. It's too soon to tell. But she brings these people on. She asked them, what temperature do you like your water? You like it? Some people say cold water is not good for you. And then the celebrity goes, well, I actually, I used to do cold. Now I do kind of a warmer water, mixed temperature water. So it's interesting. It's. It's fascinating now. So they write this email. We also offer competitive compensation in recognition of your time and participation. If this sounds like something you'd enjoy, I'd be glad to coordinate the next step and find the time that would work for you. Now, this looks legit. They have the. The. The thing of the show. The whole thing is there. They have the logo of the show. It looks like a real episode, right? So I call a few people that are, like, in the. In the world of whatever, and I go, do you think it's possible that Amy Porter wants me on her show? And they go, you know, maybe. And I go, really? They go, yeah. You know, she's in the podcasting space. This is how people in Los Angeles talk. They go, you're in the space. She's in the space. It's very possible. And I go, really? Like, it's. I'm like, do you think this is legit? They go, yeah, yeah, very possibly. So then I call my manager. Cause I have the same manager as Amy Poehler. So one thing I will say about my manager is that I respect it. He's honest. He's usually, like, touring a horse farm or in Thailand, but he is honest. He'll Answer his phone and, and he'll tell you exactly where he is coming to volcano me. My wife are thinking about buying a volcano. And what do you think about volcanoes? I don't know, they seem volatile. He goes, right, that's what I thought. But I said, do you think Amy Poehler wants me on her show? And he goes, oh, I don't think so. And immediately. Cuz it was cool, by the way, of course. So then he goes, send me the email. He goes, let me tell you what's been happening. Let me tell you what's been happening because this is one of the funniest stories. He goes, this is a scam email that's been going out to a bunch of people and so many people are angry because they think they're booked on Amy Poehler show and this is a scam email. And he goes, does it say anything about compensation? And we get the email up, we go, yeah, yeah, yeah. Quote, we also offer competitive compensation in recognition of your time and participation. He goes, the next email is you send your bank info. The next email is you send your banking information to whoever is doing it. By the way, what a hilarious, brilliant scam. And again, Amy has nothing to do with it, but somebody decided that this would be a fun scam to just reach out to people. And I'm, I'm sure. And here's what's sad about this. This is being emailed to people that are so excited to get booked on this show because of the state of LA right now and how these people haven't worked in a while and you know, but they still have a home and like, you know, they, they, they're paying a mortgage but they're looking at the money in the bank. You know, the hourglass is turned over and it's getting less and less every month. And you know, so there's definitely. And because my manager told me because yeah, there are people calling in going, we're, we're really excited about this. And, and they're not. No one booked them on the show because again, she's got like a list people on this. She doesn't want me on the show. And by the way, if I ran her show, I'd go, you don't have that guy. What is that? What do you, what do you need? An alternative take on Ukraine? What is this? You're a comedic legend. Talk to Viola Davis, whatever. But what's been happening is this email is going to guys who like haven't worked in years and they're telling their families, you know, Your father got booked on Amy Poehler's podcast today. Like, the mother is saying that, like they're all having dinner and Encino and the mother's going, you know, your, your, your, your father, your father who not only just did a guest starring role in the pit, okay, he was on that gurney. He, now he's Amy Poehler just reached out and the kids are like, whoa, dad, that's fucking awesome. And he goes, you know, I met Amy years ago, I met him years ago and we had a nice little conversation. But I, I cannot believe that she has followed me and watched me on this show. And the wife says to him, I told, did I not tell you that something was going to happen out of nowhere and you were going to kind of get back into this thing? And he goes, she goes, this is what's going to, you're going to go on that show. You're going to be charming, you're going to be one of the good guys. You're going to show people that there's good guys in this town. And you go on there and, and he's going to go, I can't believe it. You know, when I got that email, I didn't even, I didn't even know this woman knew I existed. So then they sent him the follow up email, we'll put in your bank information. So then, I mean, like three days later, they're sitting in Encino having dinner again and the kids are there and the kids are like, mom and dad, what's wrong? And then the mother goes, well, apparently the Amy Poehler podcast email your father got was a scam. And your father put our bank account information in because they told him they were going to pay him fifteen hundred dollars to do this podcast. So now we've a lot of the money out of our bank was cleared out. They've frozen our accounts and we're having real issues right now. I thought that the father goes, I thought it was weird. I hadn't spoken to her in so long. So that's what's happening right now. So if you get an email from the Tim Dillon show, the show without guests, don't give anyone your bank account information. But there's nothing fun, by the way. There's nothing funnier than a guy having to explain to his wife that their accounts are frozen because he fell prey to the good hang podcast email scam. Nothing bad. There's nothing better. Like they call, like they call her management company and they're like, we're so excited. We're just trying to get, you know, we got the email, we're ready to go whenever you guys are. And they're like, who the hell are you? What are you talking. What are you talking about? The email? What are you nuts? Amy's not talking to you. She's trying to force feed Ariana Grande a meatball right now. The cops are there. Are you one of those people that actually likes your money? Unfortunately, traditional big wireless carriers like your money too. So if you're tired of spending hundreds on crazy high wireless bills, bogus fees and free perks that cost you more money in the long run then a premium, then a premium wireless plan from mint mobile for 15 bucks a month might be right for you. Stop overpaying for wireless just because that's how it's always been. Mint exists purely to fix that. Everyone I know has switched to this, by the way, and they love it. I love it. They love it. It's easy. If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans@mintmobile.com Tim that's mintmobile.com Tim Upfront payment of 45 for 3 month 5 gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 a month. 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Tim Dillon
It's just fun. Let's get first lady friend of the show, Melania Trump up, and she's with Sarah Netanyahu, Benjamin Netanyahu's wife, who I don't know, I've never met, but seems lovely, the whole family seems lovely. And the Netanyahu seem like a lovely family. Am I wrong? They just seem good at the core. It's my guess sometimes I'm wrong, but I have these reads. So now Melania Trump and Sarah Netanyahu and, and Brigitte McCrone, Big Daddy Brigitte are, are. They're introducing humanoid robots. So here, take a look at this. Take a look at this, everybody. Here we are. By the way, stop this for a minute. Imagine watching this and thinking, going on, good hang is going to save you. Like, imagine sitting in your house watching this and then getting that email and going, well, at least. All right, keep going. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Here's what I like about Melania. Stop this for a minute. Here's what I like about Melania. You know, we recapped her movie on the Patreon, which is, again, it's completely insane. The film, most of it is just her heel getting out of a G5 jet. You just see the heel hit the tarmac. But what I like about Melania is Melania doesn't want to do a lot as a first Lady. But what she does, she's into, like, she's into this now. What she's doing here, and I'm for this is she's getting involved in replacing human teachers with these robots. And, and, and for the third World, this is what she's been up to. Everyone goes, what's she been up to? Well, she's part of this program now where they're going to replace teachers, human teachers who, like, you know, they get sick, they, they need payment. We're gonna get them out and then kind of use these humanoid robots to, to work in the third World. But by the way, go back to the. I wanna see the walkout again. I need to see the walkout again. I can't just, I can't just, I can't just let this go unnoticed here because she's a model, Melania's a model, And Melania's looking at the humanoid going, they don't have It. The humanoid doesn't have it yet. Melania's like, you're not replacing me. Wow, this is a beautiful moment for our civilization. And then there's Brigitte. These are all the world leaders. The female world leaders, or the female. The wives of the leaders or husbands or whatever. Undefined.
Humanoid Robot / Melania Trump (voice)
Thank you, First Lady Melania Trump, for inviting me to the White House. It is an honor to be at Fostering the Future Together's Global Coalition inaugural meeting.
Tim Dillon
Perfect.
Humanoid Robot / Melania Trump (voice)
I'm figure three, a humanoid built in the United States of America.
Tim Dillon
That's right.
Humanoid Robot / Melania Trump (voice)
I am grateful to be part of this historic movement to empower children with technology and education.
Welcome.
Bienvenidos, yo coso. Bienvenidos.
Tim Dillon
Is it. Hold on for a minute. Isn't this gonna scare the kids in the Third World? Because they have, like, almost nothing over there, Right. It seems interesting that we would just send a bunch of robots to the Third world and think that the pe. Because they. The Third World, they still believe in witches and stuff. I mean, it's not like they even have, like, PlayStations, right? I mean, we're just sending. So it's odd to just send humanoid robots over to the Third world and just imagine that they'll be, like, universally accepted and loved. One would imagine that people in the Third world, especially children. Maybe the children in the Third world will think it's cool, you know, I don't know, because they always seem happy, the kids over there. You know, from what I. You know, obviously there are problems in the third world, obviously. But maybe the kids are going to be okay with it. But a lot of people, I think, are going to. Because, by the way, I'm looking at comments from America in the first world, and people are. They don't love this. What. What people elected Trump for was what they elect most presidents for, which is their pocketbook. It's prosperity. It's the. It's having some extra money in the pocket. It's having some disposable income. It's being able to maintain a standard of living. They elected Trump because they felt they were losing ground and they wanted to regain some ground, and they wanted. And they thought too many of the government resources were going to immigrants that had just got here and that maybe the federal workforce was. Was too vast and that too many government resources were going to foreign wars, and those are perfectly reasonable reasons to elect somebody, by the way. However, what you've gotten is a ton of government resources going to a foreign war, and you've gotten a lot of government resources being poured into these AI programs and robotics programs that will only seemingly make people's lives in the near term harder because they're going to lose their job if any of these people are to be believed. And they are going to have less money and less security because of these things. So a lot of people are not happy a little over a year into the Trump administration presidency to see the first lady walk out with a humanoid robot. But let's, let's continue to hear the robot out because I'm, I've never been for not letting people speak. Let's go. Yes. So now what the robot is doing, by the way, in every different language is saying the word kill.
Humanoid Robot / Melania Trump (voice)
Dobrdos Lee, thank you.
Tim Dillon
Now let's talk. Let's go to the video you were at where you, where Melania is speaking about the benefits of these humanoid robots to come in and teach children in the third world.
Humanoid Robot / Melania Trump (voice)
Imagine a humanoid educator named Plato. Access to the classical studies is now instantaneous. Literature, science, art, philosophy, mathematics and history. Humanity's entire corpus.
Tim Dillon
By the way. Stop it for a minute. It's maybe the most globalist administration in human history. The idea that you're going to send humanoid robots all over the world is the, is the most hilarious
Tim Dillon (continuation / commentary)
thing.
Tim Dillon
I mean, if you elected these people to do anything for America, like, anything like one thing. The idea that there's money being spent to build these robots that they're not even going to help you. We're going to ship them to the third world. I'm not even saying you should want robots per se, but this is one of the most hilarious things I've ever said. Let's, let's keep listening.
Humanoid Robot / Melania Trump (voice)
Is available in the comfort of your home. Plato will provide a personalized experience. Experience adaptive to the needs of each student. Plato is always patient and always available. Predictably, our children will develop deep critical thinking and independent reasoning abilities. The AI powered Play DOH will boost analytics skills and problem solving and adopt in real time to a student's space, prior knowledge and even emotional state. The byproduct, a more well rounded lifestyle for our children. Freeing up time for being with friends, playing sports and developing interest beyond school. A more complete person. But as discussed yesterday, so by the
Tim Dillon
way, instead of sending your kids to school, there's going to be a robot called Plato who's going to come to your house. That's kind of what she said, right? She's like, it's in the comfort of your own home. We're going to send a robot to your house. And the robot will handle the kid. So how does this work? Because I. I imagine by that time, you've also lost your job to AI. So a robot. So. So a robot comes in now. Well, by the way, what are they even teaching the kids? At that point, there's nothing left to do. But in this world, apparently, you're sitting in your room on some drug that makes you not feel anything. Some glp, one that has adapted, like the seventh generation of it, where not only do you not want to eat, you don't even want to get out of bed, you don't want to go anywhere, and then you just press a button on an iPad to let the robot in. Who teaches your children how to be a person? I mean, that's kind of what she's pitching. She's. She's pitching the idea that a robot named Plato is going to come to your house. Can you run it back? Run it back to the beginning of this. Maybe we're misunderstanding it, but from where I stand, she's saying that robots are going to come to your home. Hold on. From the beginning, please. Melania Trump.
Humanoid Robot / Melania Trump (voice)
Imagine a humanoid educator named Plato. Access to the classical studies is now instantaneous. Literature, science, art, philosophy, mathematics, and history. Humanity's entire corpus of information is available in the comfort of your home.
Tim Dillon
Okay.
Humanoid Robot / Melania Trump (voice)
Plato will provide a personalized experience adaptive to the needs of each student.
Tim Dillon
So maybe Plato's still in the classroom. We don't know. It's weird. It's hard to understand what they mean because she said it's all available in the comfort of your home. So I don't know if that means Plato the robot goes to your home or does. How are you reading this? Do you think Plato comes to the home or Plato is in a school? I think to the home. That's what she's saying. She's saying Plato the robot goes to your home. Yes. Now it doesn't. Now, here's the way I'm taking. It doesn't matter if you want Plato to come. Like Plato's coming. That's the way I'm. Now, I don't think Plato. Here's. Here's the other thing. I don't think Plato is just there to teach the kids. If I had to guess, Plato's got a lot of skills, and Plato's gonna really help you and help your family, kind of. Whether you like it or not. Plato is showing up. So Plato is. Imagine a humanoid robot named Plato who comes to your house every day and tells your kids what's the reality.
Tim Dillon (continuation / commentary)
Imagine the robot. Humanoid robot with all of the knowledge philosophies and all of the knowledge and music and art and history and play. DOH comes to your home and every day and teaches your children in the living room. And Plato is there with your children. And if Plato will adapt to your children and their behavior and Plato will sit them down and they'll tell them when they are being anti Semitic. And Plato has no tolerance. Imagine a humanoid robot, Plato who has no tolerance for bad behavior or any type of anti Semitism. Don't criticize what the government does. Imagine a humanoid robot named Plato who comes to your home every day and tells you the government loves you. It tells your children that the government loves them.
Tim Dillon
Let's finish her here. Let's finish. Maybe, maybe, maybe it's going to be good. Melania Trump. Let's, let's hear the rest of this.
Humanoid Robot / Melania Trump (voice)
And always available, predictably, our children, we develop deep critical thinking.
Tim Dillon
Yes, that's what we want.
Humanoid Robot / Melania Trump (voice)
Independent reasoning abilities.
Tim Dillon
That's what we want.
Humanoid Robot / Melania Trump (voice)
The AI powered play DOH will boost analytics skills and problem solving and adopt in real time to a student's space, prior knowledge and even emotional state.
Tim Dillon
That's right. Better not act up the byproduct.
Humanoid Robot / Melania Trump (voice)
A more well rounded lifestyle for our children, freeing up time for being with friends.
Tim Dillon (continuation / commentary)
How is this a more well rounded lifestyle? How is having a robot
Tim Dillon
teach you things more well rounded than having a human being do it? No one's explained that. How is having a humanoid robot teaching your children freeing them up to have a more well rounded lifestyle? It's the craziest.
Tim Dillon (continuation / commentary)
And the robot will teach your children and it will give them time to be free and to model and to, to have a well rounded lifestyle and to play tennis and Palm Beach.
Tim Dillon
All right, keep up.
Humanoid Robot / Melania Trump (voice)
And developing interest beyond school. A more complete person. But as discussed yesterday, we must balance our tech optimism with caution. Yes, the safety of our next generation is always paramount.
Tim Dillon
That's why we're drafting them.
Humanoid Robot / Melania Trump (voice)
Knowledge is the foundation of civilization. But although, although academia is interesting, business is compelling for real growth in technology and education. I encourage you to bring the private and public sector worlds together.
Tim Dillon
All right, Melania Trump, everyone saying that a humanoid robot named Plato will soon be at your house teaching your children. So if you voted for that, you're very excited. If that's what you wanted. Again, if that, if that was something that you wanted. A robot at your house teaching your children. And then that's pretty cool I guess. I got a cashmere sweater from Quince. Everyone comes up to me, they go, what Is that it's beautiful. I go it's lightweight. Cashmere sweater, short sleeve, Mongolian cashmere polos, linen bottoms and shorts, tees and 100% Pima Pima Pima cotton and European jersey linen. These are the versatile pieces that make a wardrobe actually work. Season two season their closing is rated between four and a half and five stars by thousands of people wearing it every day. And the they only partner with factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. That's important to me, by the way. I don't know if it's important to you, but it's important to me that if I'm wearing clothes that it's ethical in the factory. Because you know what's going on in a lot of these factories. Things you wouldn't believe. No, literally in other countries there are factories where people are chained to things and they can't use the bathroom. Like on our planet that's going on. People are. It's modern day slavery. People are beaten when they ask to use the bathroom. They're beaten in front of their children who also work at the factory. Entire towns go to a factory and are not able to use the bathroom and are beaten when they ask to use the restroom. It is psychotic. So one of my favorite things about Quince is that they're not doing that shit. Everyone in the Quince factory plant is doing good. That's important to me. It is and it should be important to be. There's a lot of people out there that just don't care if someone in a factory who's making their sweater is getting hit with a stick. Stop over complicating your wardrobe. You don't need a closet full of options. You need a few pieces that actually work right now. Go to quince.comtim for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to build your wardrobe and love it. And you will now available in Canada too. Don't stop settling for clothes that don't last. Go to Q U I n c e.com/t I m for free shipping at 365 day returns. Quince.com Tim Isn't it alarming the amount of money you spent with doordash? Well, I just found something out about door dash that's more alarming. There are serious allegations coming out that the app may have tracked your precise location and shared it with third party companies without your consent. And those companies may have improperly used the information for their own commercial purposes. This is a big fucking deal. This is a Big deal. Thank God my mother's dead. If my mother were alive to see this, Let me tell you right now, if I had to explain to my mother that DoorDash shared her precise location with a third party without her expressed
Tim Dillon (continuation / commentary)
consent,
Tim Dillon
she'd be so fucked up over that that I'm glad she's dead. I look at people with happy mothers and happy families and that seems nice, too, but they have to go and explain this to their mother and say, mom, get in here. Remember when I ordered that those gyros. Well, DoorDash shared our exact location, not. Not a rough estimate exactly where we are with a third party vendor. And when. When I see that people are doing that, I'm glad my mother's in the ground so I don't have to explain to her what the hell we've created here on this planet. If You've used the DoorDash app between 2023 and 2025 and you qualify for claim, you may be entitled to compensation. You can easily check to see if you qualify by going to forthepeople.com Tim Dillon or click the link in the description below. What is this? My. I'm encouraging people to sue Door. The free case review only takes five minutes or less. That's F the people dot com. Tim. Dylan.
Tim Dillon (continuation / commentary)
Tim, Dylan.
Tim Dillon
This is a pay. I mean, I guess we. Let's get in on this. I'll sue Doordash is that we're all doing today. We're suing Doordash. This is a paid advertisement. Let's check in on the Iran war. Because, by the way, I keep getting whiplash. They're like, the war's over. And then they're like, another aircraft carrier is being deployed. And they're like, we're invading Carg Island. Then they're like, no, we're not. So I don't know what the fuck's going on. Iran. When was this? Iran rejects. Is this from this morning? No, this was from Thursday. I believe Iran is rejecting the US peace plan. So Iran, I mean, and maybe something's changed, but Iran right now is not hip to this peace plan. Iran wants guarantees like you're not going to attack us or blow us up or Israel, you know, can't. Can't fabricate intelligence that we're doing something we're not. And Iran said it rejected a US ceasefire proposal and maintained attacks on Israel and the Gulf Arab states, delivering a blow to Washington's efforts to end a war that's wreaked havoc. But Marco Rubio recently said this thing will be over in a couple of weeks. So Tehran, Tehran has its own conditions for a ceasefire. State owned Press TV added, citing an unnamed senior security official. Iran wants guarantees that the US and Israel won't resume their attacks, alongside reparations for war damages and recognition of its authority over the Straits of Hormuz. So here's what's basically happening. Supposedly back channels in Russia and China have said to Israel, you cannot nuke them. If you do it, we're going to nuke you. This is supposedly what's happening because everybody has speculated that if it got to a point where Israel couldn't defend themselves with conventional weapons and they were, they were getting hit too hard, that the possibility was on the table that they were going to use nuclear weapons. And supposedly, and again, what do I know? But it's leaked out, it's in the news, it's out there that Russia and people like that said, you cannot nuke a country because again, Iran is not this isolated country, right? They have allies, China, Russia. Like you just can't nuke Iran. It's not going to happen and you can't do it. So at this point, the, the options now, whether whether Israel does it or not, or whether they listen whatever whatever. The US has compiled a 15 point peace proposal that Pakistan delivered. So right now we have J.D. vance negotiating. Okay, um, J.D. vance is negotiating. Kushner, Witkoff, Rubio, Trump somewhat. And they're all negotiating to end this disastrous war that they started. So sounds good. And Iran doesn't have a huge reason obviously, other than to, you know, cease getting blown up because they are getting hit. Iran right now has shown a tremendous ability to withstand the onslaught of the US and Israel without their regime collapsing. And they've shown an amazing ability to hit U.S. bases and U.S. interests and U.S. allies. And it's, it's amazed a lot of people. And Iran has no real reason to negotiate. Right. All the, you know, at the end of the day, Iran's like, we were attacked. Now obviously they have the obvious reason that nobody wants to be in a war, but they were attacked. And many people say that they kind of have the upper hand at the moment because what is winning even look like we're not going to have a new regime. We're not going to put hundreds of thousands of boots on the ground and get a lot of people killed. So there's no clearly defined mission. We got into something without any plan or idea of what it would look like. We, there's this cockamamie idea that there was going to Be like massive protests in the street. And they were going to overthrow the government once the Ayatollah was whacked. Apparently whacking this religious leader of Shia Islam during Ramadan has united people. And there is no protest where, where the government's being overthrown. That doesn't mean that the Iranian government isn't tremendously weakened by this. I'm sure it is, but the idea of a, like a pro Western government coming in there overnight is silly. And it's silly and it's based on lies that we believed and that we were kind of presented by the Israeli intelligence service, so. And again, not a conspiracy. That is pretty well documented. Again, these are statements made by the Secretary of State, kind of by the President of the United States. These are not, you know, the National Counterintelligence. I'm sorry, the National Intelligence. The, the Deputy Director just resigned and said this. Now, you know, maybe, listen, Joe Kent's probably trying to be the VP or the President, and he has political reasons to say what he's saying, but I don't know, it doesn't. Is he making all of this up? Is it completely fabricated and if it is, bring charges against him? I mean, we're in the middle of a war. If he's completely making all of it up. No, it seems pretty obvious. We got hosed a little bit. We were shown intelligence and the validity of it is in question. And the idea that the Iranian regime was going to fall was again, intelligence. It's a bit we did not have that was given to us, and we believed it. And we launched a war on those pretenses. And we also launched a war on the pretenses that Iran was trying to kill the President of the United States. And that Iran was also very close to having a nuclear bomb, essentially that they were enriching weapons grade uranium way above the level needed for peaceful uses, and that they're about to have a bomb. And this was all intelligence. That is because I don't think most people understand what intelligence is, but we all actually use. It's all. It's the same thing in your life. Did you hear what Becky said about that? Do you hear what she said? Well, actually, what she, what, what intelligence is, obviously there's satellite intelligence. There's. There's a lot of high tech intelligence which is used in targeting and everything else, and, and troop movements. And, you know, we all have some understanding of that. But human intelligence, which, again, the Mossad is amazing at, and the CIA is pretty damn good at human intelligence, where you're you're, you have people high up in positions in other governments, feeding you information, telling you what is and isn't likely to happen, giving you some type of actionable intelligence about the state that the Iranian nuclear program is in. A lot of that is very easily manipulated. And if you don't believe me, Google Iraq war and yellow cake and uranium and Saddam Hussein and exactly how. So a lot of that intelligence is easily manipulated and it's cherry picked and then delivered to the President. And then the President is told, we have this, we have that, we have this. And if you make these connections, you can easily see how this can happen. And we don't want that to happen on your watch. It's a lot different than a satellite just showing troops amassing on the border of Ukraine. And you go, oh, well, there's gonna, it's, it's a little bit more malleable. So we listen again, we hope this ends. We hope people have their lives. But if you just zoom out and you look at this, It's, it's, it's, it's pretty hard to argue that this isn't a death knell for whatever that Trump coalition was trying to do, whatever deep state nonsense they were talking about, coming on the heels of the Epstein list, which they won't release the other half of, and then kind of getting in, getting into this war. You know, any, any idea that this was a group of people committed to any type of transparency or. It's laughable. It's laughable. If you have, if you have any kind of brain, which many of you don't, many scientists are now being kidnapped. And go back to that. Cause I do want to see what Putin's doing. What Vladimir Putin making 760 million a day from oil is War in Iran delivers windfall. Well, guess what? Someone's gotta win. Someone's gotta win. Someone's gotta win. This is what we do all the time. We do these things. We supposedly make our enemies richer. You know, we, we emboldened it. We, we. The, it's the opposite of what we want all the time. We go, we're gonna do this and it's gonna have a ripple effect. It's gonna, and then the ripple effect, it's like it does the total opposite of what we'd want. Almost impressively, in every avenue across the board, in every avenue across the board, we go, well, we'll fuck these people. Watch how we're going to fuck them. And then all of a sudden, everything goes the other way. We go, oh, we're going to, we're going to freeze Russia out of the international community and feed Ukraine money and weapons so that they can fight this war. Russia then cozies up with China. Russia deepens trading relationships with India and places like Brazil. Russia turns her economy into a wartime economy. Now Russia's economy is obviously not, it's roughly the size of Brazil. It's not an American economy or Chinese economy, but like, and then we go, oh, we'll just, we'll, we'll in, well, whack Iran. And then all of a sudden now we have Russia, Putin, you know, making like a ton of money because we had to lift all the sanctions on the Russian oil Every so often I got the urge to level up, not just personally, but for my business too. And upgrading to Gusto is one of the easiest ways to instantly give your business that now we're doing things right. Glow up. Gusto is an online payroll and benefits software built for small businesses. It's an all in one remote, friendly and incredibly easy to use so you can pay, hire onboard and support your team from anywhere. Automatic payroll tax filing, simple direct deposits, health benefits, commuter benefits, workers comp 401k, you name it. Gusto makes it simple and has options for nearly every budget. It's quick and simple to switch to Gusto. Just transfer your existing data to get up and running fast. Plus don't pay a cent until your first payroll number one payroll software according to G2 for fall 2025 and trusted by over 400,000 small businesses. Try Gusto today at gusto.comdylan and get three months free when you run your first payroll. That's three months of free payroll at gusto.comdylan one more time gusto.comdylan so many people ask me what is the secret right now to making an e commerce business work. I tell them you got to use ShipStation. Everything you need to manage getting orders to customers is in one place. Connect to over 200 sales channels instead of five to seven disconnected tools. You've got one. ShipStation compares rates on all major global carriers, USPS, UPS, FedEx, including your own discounted rates if you have them to find you the best shipping option on every order. Having negotiated carrier rates, bring them, keep your discounts and add ship stations, automation and intelligence features. Sharing tracking details cuts customer service inquiries by 12% returns. Management gives you data on what's coming back and why. Analytics show where you're saving and where to optimize. 1 million businesses have trusted ShipStation. Try ShipStation free for 60 days with full access to all features. No credit card needed. Go to shipstation.com and use code TIM for 60 days for free. 60 days gives you plenty of time to see exactly how much time and money you're shaving on every shipment. That shipstation.com promo code TIM shipstation.com code T. I am. So these scientists are being. Some of them are just being. They're just disappearing. And they all have something to do with the aliens. A chilling pattern has emerged after A string of U.S. scientists died or went missing in recent months. Retired Gen. William Neil McCaslin, 68, and NASA aerospace engineer Monica Jacinto Reza, 60 years old, were both major figures in the Air Force Research Laboratory. The general oversaw Rez's work on creating a futuristic metal for rocket engines. Within the span of eight months, both have mysteriously vanished without a trace while allegedly hiking in the southwest United States. Stop hiking, folks. I've said it before. McCasland's reported ties to secret UFO programs at Wright Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio and Reza's work with space age technology used for advanced propulsion have led many to claim, without evidence, that the pair are fleeing from parties that wish to silence them because of what they know. Independent. So here's what, this is, what people are saying, here's the rub. I've never been able to care about aliens and I've tried so many times and I guess I do like Tim Burchett who's like, keep digging, keep digging, there's aliens in the water. And Tucker says they're demons and JD Vance says they're demons and whatever. And I think they're playing a little bit to the crowd with that, you know, I think they're playing a little bit. They're playing the fiddle to the crowd there. Maybe they are demons, I don't really know, but they don't. J.D. vance doesn't know what they are either, by the way. And I love Tucker, but Tucker doesn't know. So are they interdimensional? Are they whatever. But here's what people think these things are. Well, or not, these things are. Here's what people think this whole thing is that there is a secret get ready race to develop alien technology from craft that has been downed. And players in this include all the major superpowers, China, Russia, US and that we, we know of many different types of extraterrestrial or interdimensional or into whatever visitor. And that we have been trying to reverse engineer some of the technology from their crafts in highly, highly classified locations. Things like Area 51 and then places you've never even heard of. Congressman Burchett specifically noted that McCaskill's disappearance was a major national security issue, claiming the general not only possessed some of America's nuclear secrets, but also work with recovered UFO technology housing Ohio. So this is what. Right. The general had previously led the Air Force Research laboratory at Wright Patterson, which was rumored to hold extraterrestrial debris from 1947 Roswell UFO crash. So here's what we got. We got a bunch of scientists working on highly classified projects with down UFO craft to try to reverse engineer that technology supposedly. And now they are going disappearing. And who is doing it? Is it Chinese people? The. Is it the Chinese government? Is it Rush? Is it whatever. So now here's what's interesting about that. I had a conversation once in D.C. many years ago, many years ago when I was drinking and I might start again actually, because what is the point? Kidding, kidding, kidding. Hold on. This is sobriety. Like a roller coaster now. But I might have a cigarette. I'll tell you that folks. Very hard not to have a cigarette. Very. What did they do to cigarette? They've just made cigarettes so unbelievably effective. And it's such a problem. Nothing is effective like a cigarette. Like, people lie. They're like, well, no, it's a good walk in the morning, we'll do it.
Tim Dillon (continuation / commentary)
What are you talking. What are.
Tim Dillon
I'm not saying you should smoke. It's obviously horrible. Obviously. But what in God's name are you saying? Well, it's a good walk. I'll do it in the morning. No, I take walks in the morning. They're lovely, but they're not a cigarette. We're off topic. Here's the point. I had a conversation in D.C. once. I was drinking. I was having a Beefeater in and out, extra dry. I was visiting my friend there who went to Catholic University or George Washington University. I forgot. I think I had a friend at Catholic and a friend of George Washington University and. And I was a loser. And I went to Nassau Community College in Long island and I had dropped out and I was like the loser. And these guys were like in big schools and I felt really like, you know, I went down there and I felt like kind of like insecure and I was down. I drove my car down at a Chevy Suburban. I was in the mortgage thing, so I had a Chevy Suburban. I drove my car down there and like, I was always like trying to make it. Like Willie Loman, Death of a Salesman vibe, like trying to make it, you Know, and I had friends down there and they were smug, you know, smug D.C. people, you know, and not bad people, but they were like, you know, young college like, you know, people when, you know, back in that time in 2004, people you were looked at as a scumbag because you didn't go to a college, a four year university. And so I remember hanging out with them for a little while is fun, fun. And then I remember just going out to some like, hotel bar. I used to love sitting at hotel bars and getting hammered. I still love a hotel bar. The people are fun. I, you know, I don't go anymore, but I still like a hotel bar because you get a lot of transient people and they're very interesting and they kind of want to talk and they're there alone and they're never gonna see you again. That's why hookers are always hanging out there. And it can be a lot of fun. And a guy said to me, we started talking about the world and politics and whatever, and, and at that point, I'm trying to remember it was either the election had happened or it was going to happen, but it was like that wasn't really what we were talking about. He was talking about a lot of different things. It was kind of very interesting. And he was kind of an older guy and he was slow to talk, but he was like, you know, kind of like, you know, like, like friendly, but a little standoffish. And, and I remember this, this, this very well. And he was talking to me and he goes, they don't want people to own houses. So that blew my mind when I was, you know, maybe 19, 18 or 19 to hear that. Because by the way, you got to remember, I'm a mortgage guy at that time. And this guy goes, they don't want people to own houses. They do, they don't want. He goes, long term, that doesn't serve people owning homes. He goes. So he goes, he said to me, he goes, everyone's going to lose all of these houses. And I was. And I was like, I kind of agree with you. People are going to lose. And I was losing mine. I was like, yeah, I was about to. I hadn't lost it yet, but I could totally understand. He goes, you know, he goes. And he goes, and they really want you to own cars. He goes, they want eventually an economy where everybody kind of rents and leases things. He goes, because at that point, you know, people are more easily steered from one thing to the next issue. And again, it was a fascinating conversation. I was 20 years old, 19 years old, something like that. And, and I said, who are these people? You know, I, I didn't, you know, I said, who are they, these people? And he goes, he goes, it's, it's not any one group of people that you could point to and say, like these people, you know, it's not 12 guys in a room. He goes, it's a bunch of people. You have no idea who the fuck they are. And he goes, they work very hard to prevent you from knowing who they are. And I said, is it like an intelligence agencies? And he goes, he goes, the intelligence agencies, like the CIA and stuff like that? He goes, they're not at the top of the tier of the intelligence agencies. I go, really? He goes, yeah. He goes, because you know what they are. Because you know what the CIA is. He goes, there's levels above that. And I thought that was very interesting, but he goes, no, it's not that. He goes, it's just. He goes, you know, it doesn't serve a lot of people. He goes, if you own your home and you're in, you're not in a lot of debt and you, you have a lot of power. There's a lot of power to that. And he goes, people are not easily steered in that thing. He goes, people, people want people loaded up with debt. They want them renting. And he goes, they eventually just don't even want them to own automobiles. He goes, they want them to just rent and lease and. And it was very interesting to have this conversation in 2004. He goes, that's where society's gonna be going. He goes, they don't want you to. He goes, full time work. They don't want to have to employ you full time. So they don't have to pay for your healthcare and they don't want to have to pay for your retirement. This was in 2004 at a bar in Washington D.C. and it's an old guy who wasn't super old and I've never seen before. And he said, they don't, they're not gonna. They don't want to pay for your health care. They don't want to pay for your retirement. They don't want. He goes, they don't want to have to. He goes, he goes, so in the future you're going to see a society that looks very different than the one you're in now. I had no idea what he meant. I went outside and I smoked a cigarette and I was like, that was kind of creepy, kind of weird and everything. He Said, by the way, was 100% right. I don't know who he is or where he is. But when he said to me about the intelligence agencies, he said, the ones that you think are the top are not the top. Because why would they be the top? You know what they are? They make movies about them. So when we're talking about these scientists and people like that that are operating at levels above top secret and they're part of black projects we don't know about and the Congress doesn't know about and maybe the President doesn't know about and supposedly IT Men in Black type shit, whatever, Again, this has never been my beat. I don't care that much about aliens. I've never cared. It's very hard to, you know, verify. Rogan's done some great episodes with guys like Bob Lazar. I just. I don't have a huge interest. I'm more interested in the human angle of whatever. But this does seem to be. And I am talking to people, not nobody who's like, super top secret, but I'm talking to smart people who think that there is something here and these people are disappearing for whatever reason and that it is related to the things they've been working on and that they've been working on really highly classified projects. Because if somebody figures out how to utilize this technology, I guess we're fucked. So I don't know, right? Like, this is the whole discussion that people are having about this shit. And it's not something that I've ever been fully invested in on an emotional level. I just don't. Most of it I don't understand. I'm not a science guy at all. You know, I, you know, it's like I'll care when they land on the White House lawn Mars Attack style and bite JD Vance's head off or something. It's gonna give us a good YouTube thumbnail. But I mean, other than that, I don't really know. But I do remember that guy telling me he's like, these intelligence agencies that you've heard of are nowhere near the top of the ones. He goes. Because there's agencies with, without names. There's things that are going on that, that, that you don't know about. And the President and he's told me that. And he goes, at Congress, the President don't know about. So I don't know who that guy was. Another woman tied to U.S. science. U.S. scientific secrets vanishes. Who's this chick? Melissa Cassius has not been seen since June 26. She was an Administrative assistant at Los Alamos National Laboratory. Her disappearance takes the number of people from the scientific community potentially holding highly sensitive secrets who've gone missing or died since June to 6. Both women had worked at facilities with ties to air to retired Air Force General Neil McCasney. So I don't know. Right. So. While her husband and daughter have previously suspected the Cassius leftover personal and financial struggles. Former FBI Assistant Director Chris Swecker told the Daily Mail he is concerned her disappearance is part of a much, much larger pattern. So that's the other thing. We don't know if these people are getting out of Dodge because they have problems in their personal life. Missing woman's devices found wiped and abandoned. When the Cassius family returned home, they found that only her work and personal phones had been left behind and wiped clean after. After somebody performed the factory reset. So apparently these people are all being snatched up or kidnapped or we don't know or they're, or our government's put them into hiding. We don't know. We don't know. And it, we don't really care. I mean that's, that's the truth. We don't know and we don't care. I, I, I want them safely return to their families. I guess. Unless they need to do some shit. If you need to do some shit, you need to go do it. Get your ass out of Panera. Go save the world. That's not my beat. I'm not saving the world with some metal. So you've figured out some metal. You're in some underground laboratory looking at some alien inscription on some piece of metal. That ain't me. That's you. That's your life. You gotta. If you didn't wanna be kidnapped, you shouldn't have done that. Everyone makes choices in their life about what they do and don'. Do. If you're in a hazmat suit in Los Alamos or you're in Roswell taking that secret air. That plane that Jana with Janus, whatever fucking gray plane that leaves out of Vegas. And you're taking that plane to go to fucking Area 51 to go fuck around. Well then that's on you. You did it. Cassius had allegedly lost her national security clearance at Los Alamos National Laboratory due to her family's money issues. It could not have made her. That could have made her a target for blackmail. That's great. So everybody who's working on this is, is in fucking on payday loans. There's nothing more American than that. By the way, our top scientists are on fucking payday loans. They're all scum. We've got a bunch of white trash scumbag, but by the. It's every movie. Every movie where the guy saves the world. He's like some bum with no money, but he's a genius. He's a genius bum without a dollar. And he. They put him on a spaceship like the one I saw last night, Project Hail Mary. He's a teacher. He's some genius teacher. Wrote a paper years ago and then they put him in, in. In space. But here's the thing, folks. I do not feel bad for you if you were kidnapped, if you're doing this. This is part of your life. This is what you signed up. What the fuck did you think this was? What did you think it was? You think you were just going to get all these secrets and be exposed to all this shit and it was all going to be fine? No, this is. You made a choice. And your choice was to live an interesting life. And that's why right now you are chloroformed in the back of a car. Because you lead an interesting life. Truly, you lead an interesting life. And if you lead an interesting life, sometimes lives can be too interesting. This is what people don't realize about life. It can actually get too interesting. No one wants a really boring life where nothing matters and there are no stakes. But you got to also think, you know, this crazy, over the top interesting, where it's so interesting. That can also be a problem because then you find yourself kidnapped and. And brought to some underground lab. Oh yeah, this guy. But this guy, Nuno Luriero, I heard, was killed by some guy that didn't like him. He was killed at his home in Boston. His. The gunman was Claudio Neves Valente, a former classmate in Portugal. Supposedly they had some science beef, but maybe that's bullshit too. I don't know. I don't know and I don't care. Because if you start with this shit, with the particles and the electrons and the shit. If you start this shit, you're getting. Kid, let me tell you right now, you're getting kidnapped. Don't act. If you're in an underground laboratory with the government, you're getting kidnapped. That's part of it. And as you're being hog tied and thrown in the thing, you're going to go, well, I wanted an interesting life.
Tim Dillon (continuation / commentary)
And you got one. You got one, you did it.
Tim Dillon
That's what an interesting life is. It's getting tortured by the Chinese to give up secrets from the downed spacecraft. That's what an interesting life is. The boring life is the thing we talked about earlier. Sitting in Boca, your sister's like, you know, maybe the Iran war is good. You know, the Ayatollah, you know, he's been a problem for a long time. All of the goat cheese salad, no nuts. I don't want any nuts on that salad. The goat, I'll have the warm goat cheese salad and then I want the grouper. That's most people's life, I guess that's kind of good. Most people's life isn't, I guess, that good. Most people's life is like, the doordash guy fucked me again. And I don't mean literally. I mean like the doordash guy left a burrito in the yard. Then the upper left, like mid tier life is like, we're visiting your cunt sister in Boca and she's going to eat grouper and spout off uninformed opinions. And then the highest level of interest is like, the Chinese government has kidnapped me. Astrophysicist Carl Grill Maire, 67, was killed in his home on February 16, 2026, after being mysteriously gunned down on his front. Yeah, I read about this, too. Grill Merritt contributed to the discovery of water on a distant planet, and colleagues were calling his work ingenious and adding to the research that could point to signs of life in less than 161 light years. Here's the deal, Carl. This is what being a genius is. Getting shot on the porch. That's what being a genius is. And by the way, I feel bad. I'm obviously not trying to sound heartless or inhumane, but doesn't it cross your mind when you're in an underground super secret military thing with a bunch of other people, you go, this might go bad at some point. Doesn't that cross anybody's mind? And go, yeah, you know, this one might go bad. This one might go bad.
Tim Dillon (continuation / commentary)
Huh?
Tim Dillon
So, I mean, I don't know what to tell you. Am I supposed to cry because somebody got snatched up from the lab? That's your journey. Your journey is that. And I hope we win. I hope we win and we get the technology to defeat the people that are also trying to get it, China, whatever. Or that we all share it and defeat the aliens that are going to come or not come or be actually fake drones that our government has using Project Blue Book wise to get us all in our houses so that our children can get taught by humanoid robots.
Tim Dillon (continuation / commentary)
Now that the aliens are here, it's much easier for the humanoid robot Plato to come teach your children.
Tim Dillon
So, I mean, I have no idea what's going on. It's just you. There's certain people you feel bad for in life, but astrophysicists who are working for secret government programs. You have made your goddamn bed. I am sorry, I am not being rude. You have made your goddamn bed. You've made your bet. I feel sorry for somebody at Walmart who takes a bullet to the face because a homeless guy found a gun and they wandered in on the side of the highway. I don't feel bad for you if you are in Area 51 standing next to an alien staring at him as you guys try to fucking fiddle with some ship that they, that fucking got down 40 years ago. I'm telling you right now. My, my, my, re. I, I just can't. I'm not saying that they, they're not humans. They're just. But it's part of your journey. No? You start fucking around with like this, you start working on super secret government class, highly classified programs, above, top secret, like way above. I mean, I'm going to, I'm going to stand there and, and, and start crying. How could this happen? How could this happen to the scientists working on this super secret alien program in an underground base? That seems such a safe job. It's, that's not something you say. How could it happen? And you better, they better have results, by the way. You bet. And if you think. We're not kidnapping people, we're also kidnapping, I don't know who we're kidnapping, but we're also kidnapping people, by the way. We're absolutely trying to kidnap people that have this information. And by the way, we might have kidnapped these fucks. So who knows what's going on? So I don't know what's happening, I don't know what's going on, But I'll tell you this. I'm certainly not shedding a tear for the scientists involved in the super secret space program to replicate extraterrestrial ships, okay? I won't be, I won't be shedding a tear for those people. I feel worse for the kids in Gaza than the people who go on an elevator 19 stories down into some, some secret thing we've created in like the middle of the Earth. Because that's what they do, by the way. They like clock in and they, and they get in there, they grab their coffee, they take that secret airline, they get in the elevator, the elevator goes down. Whatever security clearance you have, if you have the top one. You probably go down to the middle of the, to the, to the, to the center of the whole thing. And then you get out and then you're standing there next to an alien and an alien is like working next to you and the aliens, like Israel's out of control and you're like, don't get me started.
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Episode 489 – Melania’s Humanoid, Missing Scientists, & A Podcast Scam
Air date: March 28, 2026
Host: Tim Dillon
This episode weaves together Tim Dillon’s trademark satirical outrage and dark humor as he discusses apocalyptic air travel, a clever podcast scam featuring Amy Poehler’s likeness, Melania Trump’s humanoid robot initiative, missing scientists, and the state of global affairs. From personal anecdotes to surreal societal trends, Tim breaks down the absurdity of contemporary life with biting commentary.
“I‘ve never felt less safe sitting on a tarmac waiting to take off.” (00:45)
“There’s nothing funnier than a guy having to explain to his wife that their accounts are frozen because he fell prey to the ‘Good Hang’ podcast email scam.” (15:41)
“Isn’t this gonna scare the kids in the Third World? ...They still believe in witches and stuff.” (22:50)
“It’s maybe the most globalist administration in human history.” (26:53)
“Imagine a humanoid robot named Plato who comes to your house every day and tells your kids what’s the reality... Imagine a humanoid robot who has no tolerance for bad behavior or any type of anti-Semitism. Don’t criticize what the government does.” (31:56)
“We got hosed a little bit. We were shown intelligence and the validity of it is in question.” (43:47)
“That’s what an interesting life is. It’s getting tortured by the Chinese to give up secrets from the downed spacecraft.” (70:38)
“I’m not shedding a tear for the scientists involved in the super secret space program…” (73:23)
Warning on travel (00:45):
“I‘ve never felt less safe sitting on a tarmac waiting to take off.”
On the Amy Poehler podcast scam (15:41):
“There’s nothing funnier than a guy having to explain to his wife that their accounts are frozen because he fell prey to the ‘Good Hang’ podcast email scam.”
On Melania’s robot teachers (21:33):
“Melania’s looking at the humanoid going, they don’t have it. The humanoid doesn’t have it yet.”
On robots replacing human teachers (28:39):
“So a robot comes in now. Well, by the way, what are they even teaching the kids? At that point, there’s nothing left to do... you just press a button on an iPad to let the robot in. Who teaches your children how to be a person? I mean, that’s kind of what she’s pitching.”
Satirical dystopian riff (31:56):
“Imagine a humanoid robot, Plato who has no tolerance for bad behavior or any type of anti-Semitism. Don’t criticize what the government does…”
On American wars gone wrong (43:47):
“We got hosed a little bit. We were shown intelligence and the validity of it is in question.”
On vanishing scientists and their “interesting lives” (70:38):
“That’s what an interesting life is. It’s getting tortured by the Chinese to give up secrets from the downed spacecraft.”
On the hierarchy of secret agencies (58:10):
“He goes, the intelligence agencies, like the CIA and stuff like that...they’re not at the top of the tier...Because you know what they are. They make movies about them. There’s levels above that.”
| Segment | Timestamps | |------------------------------------------------|----------------------------| | Opening: LaGuardia Air Disaster, Travel Rants | 00:39 – 05:00 | | The Amy Poehler Podcast Scam | 05:00 – 15:41 | | Melania’s Humanoid Robot Announcement | 19:02 – 35:01 | | Rant: The Dystopian “Plato” Robot Teacher | 26:33 – 35:01 | | Iran War Update & Intelligence Manipulation | 40:13 – 49:05 | | Vanishing Scientists & Alien Tech Race | 49:05 – 73:23 | | DC Anecdote: Home Ownership, Power, & Conspiracies | 57:07 – 58:10 | | Wrapping up: On Genius, Boring Lives, and the Absurd | 70:34 – 73:23 |
This summary captures the most important content, the sarcastic and critical tone of Tim Dillon, and provides clear attributions and timestamps for all key moments.