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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show. Thank you all for coming out to my show at the Netflix is a joke festival in Los Angeles at the Wiltern Theater, where I interviewed the cast of Selling Sunset dressed as John Wayne Gacy. And it was a great moment for everyone. It was fun. It was a fun show. The women from the show didn't speak that much. And Jason Oppenheim, who owns the brokerage to his credit, tried to answer some of the questions, and I like him. At one point I said, are your clients worried about security? And he said, yes. He goes, in fact, the other day I went to go to a house and they wouldn't even let me in because that's how secure it was. And I went, they, they wouldn't let you in? And he goes, nah. Well, they let me in. I was like, oh, so you just, you lied. You just, you made that up. And he laughed. He goes, yeah. And that's what, that's what a good real estate agent does. A good real estate agent is a liar. Sorry, you want them lying for you, but that's what they do. And I respect that. I respect the profession, always have. And they came on the show. Now, we did a show where it was like a theatrical kind of Broadway show if you were on math. You know, we interviewed a food delivery robot. We had a choir of people that came out dressed as unhoused people and sang Landslide. We had, you know, we had, like, a woman come out who pretended to lose her house in the Palisades fire. We had fun. And we might do more things like that because they're fun. And I, my costume designer in L. A, she's one of the most talented people. You know, there is a lot of talent here. Not so much on the screen, but behind the scenes, there's a lot of talent. Like, there's still really creative people who love what they do and that. And this woman is one of them. And she, and she, she, she did this photo shoot. I didn't even know it was happening. They did these professional photos of me dressed up in, like this John Wayne gacy kind of drag joker costume that she made. And it was, it was unbelievable. And she brought in all these, you know, really high level gay makeup artists and photographers. Were they on meth? Who cares? It doesn't matter. They're working. It's a work drug. And they were blasting music and I felt very cool. We did it. It was a whole photo shoot. It was very fun. And they do very high level people. I didn't even know it was happening, but it was exciting and fun and they were, they're the funnest people I met with the, with the makeup, meth people. They're like fun. And then everyone else, you know, the Netflix festival, you just, you see a lot of comics you haven't seen in a while, which is fun. But then you're just inundated with, you know, the business, the industry. It's gross. It's gross, it's desperate, it's sad, it's gross, it's grotesque, truly. And it's a lot of this, it's a lot of, hey, hi. Hi. It's a lot of that. And. But it was a fun thing to do. It was a fun thing to do. Was, you know, was Netflix thrilled with everything I said on the stage? We don't know. We don't know. I'm sure, I'm sure everyone takes it. Everyone takes criticism in stride. Even Netflix. I, I've had a relationship with Netflix, but Netflix, like everyone, like myself, has good and bad in them. Right? It's complex. It's not just amazing and great and that's it. We must be introspective and look inside. So I imagine that was the message delivered. I delivered in a fun, kind of theatrical way. I don't think there's any problem there, but it was a fun thing. We'll do more things like that, I think, because it was fun to do something strange and weird and it had a lot of moving parts and different components and the, you know, the selling Sunset cast, I don't think they knew what was going on. And one of them, I asked, you grew up in the uk? And she said, yes, I did. I grew up in Paris. They don't know. I don't know what. They really know what's happening. Bri, I liked a lot, and she's one of the OGs, and she's still on the show and she laughed at every Joke. And she's Nick Kanatax or current. I don't know, whatever. It's not my business. But she was great. And. But there's a lot of the women there. You would try to just, you know, they wouldn't really answer a lot of the questions. I asked one woman, I said, do you know any poor people? And she said, no. And I said, that's okay. That's okay. Because everyone judges her for that in society, that she doesn't know any poor people, but she probably doesn't like them, and that's her choice. It's hard to meet poor people if you're rich. And no one talks about that, by the way. It's true. It's hard to meet poor people if you're rich. You got to go out of your way to meet a really poor person if you're rich. Like, I mean, if you're rich rich, not if you, like, made money in comedy after being a bum forever like I did, then a lot of people, you know, don't have any money. It doesn't matter. But if you're someone that, you know, works in real estate and you're hot and you're whatever and you do. You can't just meet a poor person. That's not the way it works. And then if you meet a poor person, it's weird to bring the poor person around. As a rich, hot real estate agent who sells houses or whatever. I don't know if they actually sell houses either, but it doesn't matter. Does anything matter? I think I said to them, I'm like, you guys don't really sell house. I mean, they didn't even defend. They didn't. They didn't even go, no, we sell houses. I don't think it matters. I don't think it matters if the audience knows they don't sell the houses. I don't think people watch the show because they sell houses. And the audience was so vicious to these people. When they would talk, the audience would go, shut the fuck up. People from the. The mezzanine, the balcony would scream at them, shut the fuck up. Because people now, you know, it's. That show got debuted in 2019. It was just pre pandemic. That show was from a time when people believed that they could own a house. They never believed that they could own some crazy modern mansion in the Hollywood Hills, but they said, I could get a little house, a cabin somewhere. I'm in the game. And when you're in the game, you. You can. You know, there's the escapism of watching a real estate show where these women pretend to sell these high end properties because you can, you can enjoy it. It's silly and there's drama. They fight with each other, whatever, but you go, well, I own a house and I'm watching other people sell nicer houses. But I'm, or I could dream of owning a house. It's realistic that I own a house. But now that owning a house has become incredibly tough, I think that era of entertainment, that era of voyeurism is actually going to decline. I don't think people are going to have an appetite anymore to watch shows where, like, attractive. And by the way, I could be wrong. It's my prediction. I don't think people are going to have an appetite to watch shows where hot women walk around mansions and pretend to sell them. I think eventually people are going to go, we've had enough of this shit. This is a relic from another era. We can't, we can't even imagine all owning something. And we're pissed about it and rightfully so. And we're not gonna watch these bitches, you know, walk around in six inch heels on a marble floor. It takes on a new meaning when people are fucked, you know, So I think. But I, I do appreciate them coming on and they were lovely people backstage. They were very nice. They didn't answer the questions. That's fine, doesn't matter. They tried. At one point I said, just name an area of Los Angeles that you like. Can you do that? Just name, you don't even have to like it. Just name an area of Los Angeles and let's discuss that and we'll release clips of this. But it was difficult for them and, and, but it was still nice that they came and, you know, a lot of things are changing. I read this article in the New York Times. You can grab this, that meta, which is this mega company owned by Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook, Instagram, you know, they dumped 80 billion, I think, into this metaverse idea. I think it was billion. That sounds high. It might have been million, but it is a, it's on Drudge, it's in the Times. It might have been 80 billion. There was a time during the NFT craze where people would come up to me and say, you have to be the first comedian in the metaverse. And I said, what do you mean by that? They said, well, pretty soon we're just going to live in a virtual world completely. And instead of performing for 300 people or 3,000 people or whatever you're going to perform for 50,000 people or a hundred thousand people, or a million people in the metaverse, because the metaverse is going to be the digital world we all inhabit. You'll have these glasses and you're not going to go meet your friends at a restaurant, you're going to meet them in the metaverse, and people are going to watch comedy in this digital world. And now, of course, it sucked. Everything we saw, it came out of the metaverse. You'd have an avatar and you'd be this avatar. Get something up about the metaverse where we can kind of look at it, like the concept, the proof of concept for it. It was like, you know, it was this strange thing where you'd have an avatar and you'd live in this completely digitized digital world. And people really believed that that was like, gonna happen. That was, like on the cusp of happening. But again, this was the height of the NFT craze, the mania. This is when people in Miami are showing you their phone and going, look, I just paid $10,000 for this. It was a squiggly line that. I just paid $10,000 for this squiggly line. I knew people who flipped NFTs, meaning they bought them and then sold them for more money, and they made like $2 million. And these were inherently worthless pieces of shit, many of them. You know, there's non fungible tokens on the blockchain and da, da, da, da, da. It's a way to show ownership. I own this. It's mine. I can prove that I own it. And a lot of these things were. Some of them were artistic, some of them were cool, a lot of them weren't. So the metaverse was an outgrowth of this idea is that, well, you know, we're all eventually just going to inhabit this reality, and we're gonna inhabit this reality because there's a pandemic and the world is gross and it's dangerous. There's riots, there's crime. But not in the metaverse. In the metaverse, it's all good. So let's watch a little bit of this thing here. But again, the metaverse was doomed. And maybe in 10 years or. Or sooner, we're all living in the metaverse, but. But it never caught on. It just never happened. But here's a little something on that. Imagine you put on your glasses or
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headset and you're instantly in your home space.
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It has parts of your physical home recreated virtually. It has things that are only possible
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virtually and it has an incredibly inspiring.
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By the way, just stop it for a minute. This freak. This freak is so. He disturbs me on such a guttural level, and he makes my skin crawl. And no offense, you know me. I don't try to be offensive on the. On the show. He. There's something about him. Bezos, at least I kind of get, because he's a real psychopath. He's on a big yacht. Him and his wife bought the Met Gala, which a bunch of my comedian friends had tweet, you know, all day about how, you know, white men suck. Seem to throw those morals away when it's time to go to the Met Gala that's now owned by a true lunatic, Jeff Bezos, who's on a super yacht. He's a genuine Bond supervillain, But there's something about Bezos. I kind of. I don't know if I would say I like it, but there's something honest about Bezos. He's like, I'm on a super yacht. I got this. My wife. We have a big wedding in Italy. We invite every famous person we know. We are. You know, Bezos seems like a guy. There's some. Maybe some insecurity there. Whatever it is, he desperately wants to prove to you that he the coolest person that's ever lived. And, you know, is that. Is that disgusting? Sure. But you know what? It is? And I think now, truly, in life, it's not about whether you agree or disagree with someone. I was thinking about this the other day, and it's not about whether you think they're good or bad. Do you know what they are? I think this is becoming the real question and the real concern and the real way to evaluate people. Forget good or bad. Forget the morality. Forget just for a minute and just, do you know what they are? Do you get where they're coming from? Are they reliably consistent, whatever? And a guy like Jeff Bezos, I think you kind of understand that this guy feels like someone who's really trying to be a human being. He's doing his best. He's occasionally succeeding, but it just. Something is deeply unsettling. But let's continue here. Mark Zuckerberg, friend of the show. Incredibly inspiring view of whatever you find most beautiful. Hey, are you coming? Yeah, just got to find something to wear. All right, perfect.
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Oh, hey, Mark.
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Hey, what's going on? What's up, Mark? Whoa.
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We're floating in space.
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Who made this place? It's awesome, right? Okay, so. All right, kill this just to give you A refresher course of what the Metaverse was. Now find this article here where it is his New York Times article about Facebook dying. Meta Dying, which is owns Facebook, it's on Trudge. And you know, I read this article today and they make the point that nothing on the Internet dies overnight. Even Yahoo and AOL and things like that. They still function. They still have people that use them. You know, Facebook, I don't know anyone on Facebook. We can sell a lot of tickets on Facebook. We post probably content from the show on Facebook. Facebook's now settling lawsuits with people because it's now proven that Meta's algorithm has, you know, driven people, I think, to kill themselves and stuff. I think that's what's going on. Like that the algorithm has focused on. On negativity and it has incentivized and encouraged the type of behavior that has led people to have serious psychological conditions. So Meta, Metis, they're settling some l. Like, we all know someone who's gone insane on social media. We all know that you all have an aunt. We've all existed in this world long enough to know someone who, who has genuinely become a schizophrenic on social media. We know that person. We know someone who at one time was fun and who is now a schizophrenic. And that's sad and I don't know what can be done about it, but we know that that has, that exists. So what I was talking about before. In March, the company meta alongside YouTube lost a bellwether lawsuit alleging that its addictive design choices triggered anxiety, depression and body image issues in a teenager. Waiting in the wings are over a hundred thousand similar cases seeking claims in the tens of billions of dollars. Also, you know, people, people have talked about foreign influence campaigns using Meta, misinformation campaigns using these sites or whatever. So this article in the Times is basically saying that although Meta is still doing very well in the sense that they've made a lot of money, there's a few key markers that show that the company itself is beginning to decline and that that could be irreversible and that that era of the Internet might be ending and it will take a while and, and one wonders what comes next. But there's a quote here. There's a grim satisfaction in watching this organization hoist with its own petard. This is the company that profited from trafficking, trafficking and lies, that tunes its algorithms to boost hatred and division, that stole our data and used it against us, that created the culture of toxic meme blah Blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. So this is in the New York Times, and what they're saying here is they go, well, if. If Facebook dies, maybe things get better. And the New York Times, like, it could be a heartening turn in our national conversation. And they said, TikTok traffic's more in inspirational content. I don't know what algorithm on TikTok they're on, by the way. They go, TikTok traffic's in more inspirational content. I don't know where they're at. They go, prom videos are currently trending. Okay. But what's interesting about this, to me, like, kind of reading this article is imagining what comes next, because there was that. And it seems to be like, are young people fighting about politics on the Internet? It doesn't seem to be that they are in the way that older people are. That feels to me like something that, as a younger friend of mine who helped out with the show recently said, old heads do. It doesn't feel like. That's like the people I know who have the most active social media presence are older. And that seems odd. It seems like it should be the other way around, that younger people should be the ones on social media, using it for whatever reasons to make change or whatever. But it seems to be, Liz, like, older people that are bored and. And. And. And all they care about is this, and this is now where they live. Like, that is their metaverse. Like, he has created that. They don't need the goggles. They're already there. They're already there. Mark, you did it. You kind of did it. My aunt's already there. She's locked in. I don't know that she needs to be in a digital world. You've already created this space where people are able to basically just fight about things that don't really affect them for the rest of their lives until their bodies are riddled with cancer and they die. That's how old people live. Now. Old people, however you want to, you know, talk about our country. A lot of people that aren't from America are like, it's, you know, they. They visit here and they go. It's a. It's an abomination what you do to your old people. You stick them in homes, you kick them out of the house. You know, they would never do that in Japan. They go, we all live together. We respect our elders. They die in their beds. We ship them to nursing homes. There's fight clubs. People pee on them or whatnot. It's bad. But whatever you think about that, old people now the last years of their life where. Meaning where they still have before they're completely bedridden and they're going out. Mark Zuckerberg has stolen the last 10 years of your mother's life before she got dementia and Alzheimer's. Mark Zuckerberg has stolen that. The last 10 years of. Of grandma's life. Where's grandma? She's on Facebook. She's drunk and she's fighting with someone she's never met. And that's how people get old now. They get old on the Internet and they spend their golden years, the last years on this planet where they still have moving legs and they can still walk. They spend it shut in their home on Facebook talking about Iran. That's what, that's what Mark Zuckerberg created. He's made your, he's driven your parents insane and he's given them a place where they're incentivized to actually get crazier. And that's the way people get old now that that's part of life. I've always talked about Mint Mobile and I mean it. You got to start saving money right now. The economy is not great. Cell phone service is a place where you can be more responsible with your money. It is important that you do. So many of my friends and myself and everyone I know, my family, we've all started, we have Mint Mobile. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. I use it and you should too. If you like your money. Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans@mintmobile.com Tim Dillon I'm telling you, ditch overpriced wireless. Get three months of premium wireless service from Mint Mobile for 15 bucks a month. Bring your own phone and number, activate with an ESIM in minutes and start saving money immediately. No long term contracts, no hassle. It's mint mobile.com Tim Dylan. That's mint mobile.com/tim Dylan. Upfront payments of $45 for three months. Five gigabyte plan required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for the first three months only. Then full price plans available, taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. Aura frames are the best gift you can give every. Anyone. It is a digital picture frame. And here's the reality. Celebrate all the moments in life. And if you give somebody a digital picture frame, there are so many pictures. There's free unlimited storage. Preload photos before it ships. So they, they open the box, they look at the picture frame and they go, oh my God, look at all the different photos and they go down memory lane. You can personalize your gift, add a message before it arrives. It includes a gift box. This is. I mean, this is Mother's Day. Make Mother's Day special with Aura Frames. 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I haven't been on Facebook in years. I used to go on it. I'd write statuses, get likes. I try to be funny about shit. I haven't been on it in years. The, the. Can you get up the average age of a Facebook user. It might be younger than I think. I don't know. And I don't know how they calculate these averages either. That's not true. This is such a lie. They go. As of early 2026, the largest demographics of Facebook users globally is 25 to 34 years old. Growing engagement for users 45 to 65. Do you go on Facebook? No. Do you know anyone really engaged on Facebook? My parents. That's right. No, it's true. I don't know where they're getting to it, but then maybe they're talking about people in India who just got it. I don't know. Yeah, whatever this is. Old people are on Facebook the last years of their life. Mark Zuckerberg has stolen, and he's radicalizing them, and they can't do anything about it. Their bodies are failing, their minds are failing. They're trapped in this prison, this hell. They should be seeing their grandchildren, they should be drinking wine, they should be on a boat. But what they're, what they're really doing is spending their life. The last bits of it, the last things that really matter. They're spending it in this hell created by this humanoid freak. That's how their truth has been. So this, the company meta, starting to decline. I don't shed a tear for this. I don't shed a tear for this. Now I'm on Instagram. I like Instagram. I'm on social media. It's part of my job. I get it. I'm not, you know, one of these people who claims moral superiority to any of this, but I just look around and notice things and I look at the people on Facebook. I got. These people are unwell. They're older. They don't get. They don't know what AI is. They don't know if something's real or fake. They don't know what it. They're arguing about. You know, there's clearly an AI video of a crocodile eating someone, and they're like, that's why you never. You gotta respect animals. The power of an animal. And it's just, I, I, they don't know their lives have been stolen from them. It's sad. It's actually sad. They don't understand what happened. They don't get it. Nothing like this has ever happened before, by the way, they didn't watch their parents do this. This has never happened before. We're at the end of your life. There was a technology invented that made you insane. This has never happened. Large swaths of the public have gone, functionally, they're insane, they're lost, they're gone, on every political spectrum, all over the place, doesn't matter. But this has never really happened before where a playground for your worst ideas and impulses was given to you at the end of your life, when the sharpness of your mind is starting to really wear thin and you don't know what's going on, and it gives you this playground and go fuck around. Have fun. See what happens. Learn things. You shouldn't learn things. The learning should stop at a certain age. Now they're all learning about aliens on Facebook. I heard the government was going to come out and tell everybody there was no God, we were created by aliens. How are they going to take that? You know what I mean? That's what I heard was going to happen. I heard from multiple people. I called a couple of people, they go, yeah, I think the government is going to come out, tell everyone there's no God, we were created by aliens, all the world religions are fake, and deal with that. Deal with that what you will. Who knows now, that didn't happen. I think the government's kind of backed off on that. They're like, well, make your own conclusion. Choose your own adventure. But supposedly that's what they were going to tell everybody. Like, by the way, it's all fake. There's no God. You were created by aliens. I, I, I really believe that's what they were going to say. And they were just going to tell everyone to deal with it, deal with it. And they called a bunch of pastors and they were like, hey, by the way, you're going to have to. Your congregation's going to get upset because during the, during the morning press briefing, we're going to announce that there's no God and we're all a creation of aliens. I mean, it's like, I mean, what are we doing to these people at the end of their lives? Could you think of a worse way to get old than the way you get old now? Is there a worse generation? Is there, is there a worse time now? Yes. The boomers have all the fucking money. They own these big houses. That's all nice, but they don't have minds anymore. Their minds have disintegrated. They've melted in their heads. I mean, it's unbelievable. And now at the end of their life, while they're frothing in a Facebook rage, wandering around their house, we tell them, by the way, we don't think there's a God or anything. We were created by aliens. That's the last thing they hear before they collapse on their keyboard as they're responding to their sister that they barely speak to. Well, actually, the trans issue is more of an issue than you think it is because you. It's insane. We, we are destroyed. Now, you might think it's undignified to, to go to a nursing home and die there, and it is. But my mother was in one of them and died at one of them. Whatever. This is worse. What we're doing to them now is worse. They're all in big mansions on Facebook and they're insane. Their kids hate them. This is worse. Yes. Nobody wants to go to fucking Shady Acres or whatever the name of that fucking thing. I think, I thought, I think maybe that was from the Sopranos. Nobody wants that. Everybody goes, I don't want to go into a home. I'm completely fine. I want to live on my own. And that was the big discussion. The big discussion was like, well, where do you put old people? You put them in these homes. And everybody was like, nobody wanted to go in those homes. And Louie's got a great new bit on his special about this, about putting his dad in a place. But the way to. The way people are getting old now where they're just on the Internet, they're just on the Internet at whatever age, trying to figure it out and being taken advantage of and bamboozled, and it's coming from all sides in all directions, and they're, they're becoming truly, like, psychotic. We're inducing psychosis. That's what Mark Zuckerberg's done. He's inducing psychosis into large swaths of the population, but very noticeably in older people that have now all gone insane. And I actually think, by the way, like, so there's a new study that shows more than two thirds of children under the age of two use screens, some for eight hours a day. So many one year olds are now on a screen for eight hours a day. Here's why that's good. Are you ready? Here's why it's good. If we're going to live like this, we got to start them young. They got to be. Listen, the people I know who got introduced to Facebook later in their lives no longer speak to their children. They no longer speak to their families. They've had Facebook for 10 years their, their children won't bring the grandkids to the house anymore. That's what happens when you introduce technology late in life. I'm for if we're going to live like this and it seems like we are, I'm not commenting on if it's a good thing. I don't think it is but it doesn't seem like anybody has any investment in changing it. But more than 2/3 of children under 2 you screens, some for up to 8 hours a day, 1 year old and by the way, and I'm going to say it again and it's not a joke, they're watching this show in very big numbers. 22 year olds under 5 toddlers are watching the show in, in big numbers now. It is a huge demographic. Almost a third of newborns watch screens for more than three hours a day while nearly 20% of infants aged 4 to 11 months watch screens for over an hour a day. So your 11 month old is going to get an hour just to get them going. And by the way, I'm for this because we need, they need, if we're going to have this they need to understand it by the time they're four they need to go, that's AI. Look at the watermark. It's AI. Scientists say the basis of future health and brain development is laid down in the first time from pregnancy to the age of two. So scientists are now saying that it might not be good that they're doing this. Yeah, higher screen use in babies supposedly links to poorer development. Well, there's not jobs for them when they grow up, so who cares? They only need to be literate online. Listen to me now, there are no jobs for your children. They only need to be literate online. They only need to understand the way the Internet works. So I don't have a problem with a one year old spending five to eight hours a day on the screen. These include increased risk of obesity and shortsightedness, sleep problems, behavioral difficulties, language delay. Folks, they're going to have it anyway. They're having it all anyway. They're going to have it all anyway. Most likely your children are going to be obese, short sighted and have language delay. It's just what it is. We're going to get ozempic form when they're kids. That's come. GLP1s for kids are coming and I'm for it. They're coming for the fatties, for the kids. We're going to have them all your kids are on peptides. They're on GLP1s and they're on the screen and there's nothing you can do about it. I'm sorry, it's what it is. Don't shoot the messenger here. I'm telling you, yes, they're going to be fat because they're on the screens. Hit him with the needle. Oh, my kid's fat because he's on the screen. Well, it's necessary for him to be on the screen because he needs to be literate and he needs to understand the way the Internet works. He needs to understand different cultures that arise on the Internet. He's got to choose, she's got to choose. They have to choose or what culture they want to take part in on the Internet. So they're going to be obese probably. You hit them with the GLP1. The GLP1 will slim them down. The GLP1 will hold the food in your infant's stomach longer so that your infant is less hungry because soon they will approve GLP1s for toddlers. So you're usually, here's the way it works. Your 2 year old eats a chicken nugget and shits it out and wants another chicken nugget. But the GLP1 will hold the nugget in your 2 year old's stomach longer and it won't shit. So now we have two things happening that are good. Shitting no longer is a thing with babies. They're not going to be shitting all the time cuz they're on GLP1s, they're going to be very constipated. The food is held in their stomach longer so they're less hungry. Problem number one, shitting babies solve problem number two, obese children solve this and they're going to be sitting there and they're going to be on a screen. Listen, I'm pro family, I'm pro children, but here's what's going to happen. You're going to have a fat child and it's going to sit in a chair like this. It's going to be on a little cushion and you're going to put a screen in front of it and then you are going to shoot it up with a needle of GLP1. Parents said they're offering screens to their babies and toddlers to help manage the stress of daily life and coping with exhaustion. They mean their stress, right? Not the baby's stress. Yes. Let me read, let me read that again. Parents say they're offering screens to their babies and toddlers to help manage the stress of Daily life and coping with it. Well, here's the thing. I'm pro family, I'm pro child, I'm pro civilization. I believe the happiest people truly are the ones that, you know, the happiest people I've ever met are the ones with children. That doesn't mean that there are. I'm happy I don't have children. So I'm not saying everyone's, whatever, I'm not telling you how to live. That's not the deal. But I'm saying I'm, I, I believe people should have children. I think it's good. You know, most people are not going to get what they want out of their career, truly. Some of them will. Most don't. Um, and even the ones that do, there's a certain emptiness to that whatever. So I am pro this. But here's the other thing. It's hard. It's hard, it's hard to be a parent. It's hard to be a good parent. So I think what people are doing now is they're giving their children the screens because they don't have the energy, the time. One parent described their baby screen time as, quote, a survival skill in my house. A government spokesman told Sky News. Parents told us they want clear, practical and non judgmental advice on screen use for under fives. And we work hand in hand with them because the parents don't want to be judged for it. And I get it. They go, I got my kids on a screen, I give my kid an iPad. And I, and I, and I say, leave me alone for a little while. And, and they don't want to be judged for that. And I understand parents don't want to be judged for giving their one year old an iPad for eight hours. Okay? They don't want to be judged for this. And I think it's, we should stop judging them for. Because here's the deal. We're heading into this digital world. By the time those kids grow up that we probably will be in a fucking metaverse. So this is what you can fight. All these people fight this, they fight that. They're, they're, they're mad that everybody's on drugs and you know, onto different pharmaceuticals. They don't like this, they don't like that. I'm not saying that I don't know anything about the GLP wants. I, I tried them. I didn't like them. They made me feel weird. I, I lost passion for life, truly. But that doesn't mean that other people and I, now I have a meal plan of a trainer. I'll do peptides. I'll do other things. The JLP one's For me personally, I felt that there was a. I don't know. I started to lose interest in more than eating. It was weird and I just for me and that's not everyone's experience. So by the way, go take them, enjoy them. I don't really care. It doesn't matter to me. I am forgiving them to children. I am. I am forgiving GLP wants to toddlers and I am forgiving them iPads for them to watch this show and many others for for hours on end every day. That's your there's your kid's not going to play soccer. Cut it out. Have a realistic expectation for your child. Having a nonverbal child who just is on an iPad all day that you shoot up once a week with a needle so it doesn't eat is the best you're going to do. Just a quiet child who's constipated from the GLP1. They're on you. Also, here's the thing with people giving GLP1s to their toddlers. You have to remember fiber. You have to remember fiber because they have to move. They you don't want their stomachs to explode with food so you have to make sure the food is moving through your two year old or three year old system while they're on the iPad for eight hours a day. So you have to make sure they eat fiber so that they shit eventually so that they don't explode on the couch because you don't want to say my toddler got gastroparesis, we forgot the fiber and my toddler's stomach exploded. My toddler's stomach exploded. It was full of chicken nuggets. It was full of chicken nuggets and we forgot the fiber so that my toddler didn't shit out the chicken nuggets so it stomachaches exploded while I was watching the iPad. So these are the ways to be a parent. Now I'm not an expert, I'm not a parent, but that's what it's going to be and we should feel bad for parents. I like this article that says parents shouldn't really have to raise their kids. They should be able to just give them iPads for the entire day. Quote this research is a reminder of the pressure so many parents face. And can I make another comment? If your toddler on shot day doesn't doesn't want to eat anything, you make sure they eat protein. You have to give them protein in the day, they take their shot. This research is a reminder of the pressures so many parents face. And our guidance is designed to offer realistic evidence, informed advice that reflects the demands of family life, not be a rule book that adds to the pressure. I like Sky News because here's what Sky News is saying, hey, listen, let's get realistic. You're not going to raise your children. You're gonna give him the pad, the iPad. And so a lot of parents don't know what to do. They're, they're, they don't know what to do. The kids are getting hooked on the screens. But here's the question. What is that? Is this a baby losing his mind over a screen? Yeah, what's, what is. He wants to watch my program. What does he meant? Oh, this is just a collection of children to get mad. They can't watch YouTube.
D
Yeah.
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All right, let's see a little bit of it. I wanna have the iPad. I mean, what's he trying to watch? He wants to see Tucker. I want Tucker. I want Tucker. All right, we get it. We get it. They're mad. They're mad. They're addicted. My godson's addicted to it. What are you gonna do? They're addicted to it. What are you gonna do? They're little junkies in your house who want their screens. Are you going to deal with them? You got a bunch of sticky fingered junkies in the house that want their goddamn screens. What are you going to do? Fight that battle? You give them the screen and you let them watch it. Folks, I'm telling you, I know it, it sounds wrong. Otherwise it gets really difficult. Especially if you have multiple kids. It's very difficult. They don't want to play outside anymore. They don't want to play outside. None of their friends are outside. All of their friends are playing video games. They want to play video games. So they're going to sit around and play video games. What they want to do, they don't want to go out. You know, remember when you were a kid? I was like, maybe not you, you're younger than me. But like, we would play manhunt, you know what I mean? You would go out and play things. Hide and go seek, stuff like that. They don't do that anymore. They don't do that anymore. Children do not do that. They're not interested in that. They want to be on the screens. That's where they live now. And it's hard to imagine a world where that changes. So in a world like this, you have to, I think, give your child the screen. It's like eating in a. Which I've been a member of, or, you know, or, or, or, or NA or things like that. It's abstinence. It's drugs or alcohol. You can't do it. You go to God. You do other things, you know, but in oa, Overeaters Anonymous, which I haven't been in, lol, they tell you you gotta eat. So it's not, it's, there's a moderation's not a, I mean moderation's essential in that it's like sec, Essay, Sexual Anonymous. So you gotta have sex, but you, you can't like do, do whatever things you were doing that are bad. Whereas it's different like aa. It's like you can't, you can't. It's the phenomenon of credit. But here's the deal. These kids aren't getting away from the screens. So they're little junkies, screen junkies in their house. But you need to teach them a responsible way to use the Internet because it's going to be their entire life. Otherwise Mark Zuckerberg's going to get them later on and they're going to go fucking insane. We gave the Internet to a generation of people. They are in the process of destroying everything in the world. Everything in the world. By the way, they haven't even had it for that long. It's not like they've had it for that long, but they got it late in life and it scrambled their fucking brain. So what you have to do. Do you know how many people I know who've blocked their own mother? Do you know how many people I know on Facebook or whatever and that have told me I've blocked my mother? She, I, she cannot reach me on the Internet. If she wants, she can call me. I have blocked her. I do not want to see what she posts. I don't want to see what she shares. I go, your mother go, yeah. So I know that the knee jerk reaction is to say, get the screens out of the cans of kids. Well, sure, but I think realistically it did. They're not going to be able to exist without having some kind of relationship to a screen. So I would say if you're one, it's, it's not nine hours, eight hours a day is too much. How long is this show usually? About an hour. Yeah, an hour a day is fine for them, but again, this program. Give us the view. No, I don't know. I mean, what's appropriate for a 1 year old. How many hours should a 1 year old be spending on social on, on the screen? They're not on social media. But how many, how many hours should a one year old be on the screen? I mean, I think none. You think none. Do you have any children? Well, no. I say no more than five. I say no more than. Here's the way I feel. You put you. If you put your one year old somewhere in a house and give it a screen, you have to set a timer and then five hours later you have to go back and check on it. On the day your two year old takes a GLP one shot, give, give it a protein shake because it needs the protein. Otherwise it'll eat its bones and explain that to the kid. Say, this could eat your bones. So you have to eat protein. Morgan and Morgan is America's largest personal injury law firm. Here's my favorite thing about them. Their fee is free. Unless they win. Hiring the wrong people can be disastrous. That's where the Morgan and Morgan comes in. If you're ever injured by the negligence of another. Morgan and Morgan is America's law firm that you need to try. It's the largest in the country. 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There are so many examples of why you should not get on this floating toilet. I mean, anybody. There's documentaries, there's a documentary called Poop Cruise. Anybody? Now I know that you want to go on this all inclusive thing. I know that folks. You know, when I grew up, people used to go to a little inn. They'd go to a little bed and breakfast somewhere and yes, cruiser for like old people. I know gay cruises are fun and you could do Molly and stuff on the ocean, but there's just too much of a chance for a nightmare to happen on a cruise. It's happened so many times. How do you even just walk? You just walk on a cruise now and go, well, we hope we're not stranded with hantavirus on the sea so you can go to a shitty made up town in Mexico and buy some fake fucking crap. You can buy Coca Pelli, the guy who plays the flute or a dream catcher or some bullshit. And now you're. We got haunted by. Now after this we're going to watch David Muir. But after this I want you to pull up, there's a doctor on the boat who's giving updates about haunted virus. But let's watch David Muir. Hantavirus
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the race to track a deadly virus outbreak that started on that cruise ship in the Atlantic after authorities have now revealed tonight that many passengers got off that cruise ship weeks ago. The hantavirus outbreak linked to that cruise ship in the Atlantic. Health officials tracking at least 30 people now who got off the ship two weeks ago traveling to their home countries all over the world, including seven Americans now back in the U.S. three people taken all off that ship in just the last 24 hours. Two of them in serious condition.
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Look at this. That's how you leave in the cruise now freeze on a thing people can say that is the photo of how you're going to leave the cruise. Is that what you want? I'm telling you, stop fucking around with this. That photo right there is how you're going to exit the cruise. You walk in, you're excited about the buffet. You leave like that. Let's continue serious condition.
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Three other people have died tonight. Eighteen Americans remain on board that ship. The World Health organization urging calm. ABC's Victor Akendo leading us off.
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Honda. Honda, Honda. Try to find the doctor who's on the cruise. He's on the ship and he's giving updates about Honda virus, which my mother was so concerned about, we're going to get. She would tell that to my father. She would go, there's a mouse and he's shit in this house. We're all going to get hantavirus. And my dad would, you know, do his usual do. You're overreacting. We're going to get hantavirus because of that. Because there was a mouse. We had a mouse. Okay, so a Swedish doctor who previously worked aboard the luxury cruise ship affected by a deadly hantavirus outbreak said the ship's medical staff are likely operating under quote, tremendous pressure with limited resources. Let's listen to this man now. By the way, I'm talking to experts. I'm not, but I'm just calling people that I know that I think know things. And they're saying it. The human to human hantavirus spread might be overstated and it might. It's probably not such a big deal, but who knows? Anyway, let's see what this guy says. He's from Sweden.
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If they are allowed to disembark, then
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the passengers will somehow get home.
C
But of course, I mean, no country want to have the hunter virus in
B
the general population on the ship. Bomb that ship. Bomb that ship. You. That's it. You went on a cruise. This is the way we should handle cruises. Now, if you go out on a cruise and there's a. There's a disease outbreak, you're not coming back. We've got too many fucking problems in this country for you to come back with hantavirus. You're dead. Say it, don't. You, by the way, don't release the information to the public. I'm telling the Trump administration, some of them are, you know, not too thrilled with me. But the ones that still listen, I'm telling you right now, and I know they'll have no moral problem with this. Just bomb the ship. Bomb it. And by the way, this is the new standard. You're allowed to go on a cruise, if any, if there's any outbreak of any significance. I'm not talking about like norovirus. I mean like a hantavirus. If something happens, just like we shot down that plane that was going into, that we thought was going to go into the White House and then we made up that story. Let's roll. That's fake. We shot it down just like that happened. Let's roll. Fake, I think and I believe, but anyway, we need to do this with cruise ships of sick people. We need to get rid of them and then make up A story that the boat was attacked by terrorists or something like that. This is. Okay, let's. Let's get this guy up. What is this? Passenger on board the cruise ship that has suspected hantavirus outbreak where three people have died and five to six people are sick. Cries out as a ship remains near Cape Verde. Hantavirus is rare. Go up. Sorry. Hantavirus is rare, but serious illness usually spread through contact with rodents or their waste. Let's listen to this guy. He's making a. His hantavirus statement. Here he is.
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I normally wouldn't make a video like this, but I feel like I need to say something, so I wrote a few things down. I am currently on board the MV Hobbyists and what's happening right now is very real for all of us here. We're not just a story.
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All right?
D
We're not.
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Hold on, hold on, hold on. Who told you to get on a boat? I'm dead serious. I went on the Impractical Jokers cruise once to do stand up comedy. I walked off that boat. I said I'll kill myself. There's no amount of money you could offer me to do a cruise gig ever again in my life. I said I'll kill myself If I have to get on another cruise. I will take my own life. I will gladly take my own life when this guy goes. We're not just a story. We know you're not just. If we thought you it was just a story, we'd let you dock. We know it's not just a story. That's why you're not docking with hantavirus. We got too many fucking problems. We got AI, we got. We got Iran, we got all this shit going on. We got aliens, we got the price of oil. And then you think you're going to bring a hot the virus. No, we're not just a story. No, you're not. And I feel bad for this person. And I'm not saying that this person doesn't deserve empathy or sympathy. I'm simply saying that the boat he's on should be struck with a missile and they should burn alive with their choices. And I'm not saying they don't deserve sympathy or empathy. I'm saying you got on the boat, you should be killed. I'm serious. I'm serious. Tonight. I've had enough. These people, they bring these rare outbreaks from the buffet of a cruise ship with rodent shit and then they're mad that they can't go waltz around fucking Macy's. You live with your Choice. Sit in your bunk on the cruise and get ready to get struck with a missile. You're dead or we're going to kill you. You're dead. Hantavirus will not kill you. The US Government will. I'm telling you, I'm sour, you know, Trump. His decisions I don't like. I've soured on him. I thought he had some real good points early on. But I'll tell you this. If he blows up this ship, if he blows up this hantavirus ship, I'm back. Let's listen to the rest of his statement. Because, by the way, I am not. I am serious when I say that you can't take a cruise and then bring, like a plague back. That's not the way it works. But again, let's start him from the beginning, please. Here, this guy is on the hantavirus cruise ship. Hantavirus. Friend of the show. Let's listen to this gentleman.
D
I normally wouldn't make a video like this, but I feel like I need to say something, so I wrote a few things down.
B
Can you stop this for a minute? Why does everyone feel they need to say something? He. He feels like he's. I know he feels like he's dying, and it's sad and it's horrible, and I get it. But here's the deal. You're sitting there in a green shirt and you go, I feel like I need to say something. And then I guarantee you, somehow I get blamed. Like, watch. I don't know if he's going to do this, but I feel like this is going to get. This going to be very. Like, it's not going to take it. Here's the. What he should say. We ready? Hey, we're pretty fucked. And there's hantavirus here. It's a real thing. It's not just a story. And we realized that it is a very dangerous outbreak. And, you know, even with the best tracking of people and everything, it's gonna be. It's gonna. It's gonna pose an unnecessary risk to human civilization. We don't need another pandemic. We haven't even recovered from the last one. So I've made this video to ask the government to strike our boat with a missile and blow us up instantaneously and kill us instantly so that the rest of the world can live. Love you, Mom. Love you, dad. But let's see what he actually says. That's the selfless thing. The selfless thing for all these people to do on this hantavirus ship is to take Their own life. Selflessly. Selflessly. They should all walk the fucking plank. No, they should walk the plank. I've had enough of this now. An old school pirate plank. The Trump administration with my full support. I'll be back. J.D. vance. Stop telling people you don't like me because I got a big mouth, by the way. We'll get that. We'll get Joe Kent in there. How about that? I'm kidding. But he does have that jaw. Haunted. They walked the plank. Is it my fault this guy goes to the Iran war? I'm the problem. They. They make them walk the plank. Now he's freaking out about A.I. you see this J.D.
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vance?
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He's freaking out about A.I. is all upset about the A.I. who's doing the A.I. they. They. They have a plank and they make them walk the plank. And God, I loved pirate stuff as a kid. And you make them walk the plank and they get. And at the end of the plank they get to say something. They get to say something like, hi, I. This sucks. I feel really scared. I don't know what comes after this. The government just said there was no God and aliens created all of us. That's the last thing I read in my bunk before I was made to walk the plank. Because this boat has a hantavirus outbreak. That was kind of disturbing. That. That's the last thing I read. But I shouldn't have gone on Facebook. That was my fault. I went on. Matt. I went on Facebook. There was an article that there was no God, we were all created by aliens. So I guess this is literally the last thing I'll ever do. But I completely understand and agree with our government's decision to make everyone on this ship walk the plank instead of posing an unnecessary risk before the summer months where we hope we see a little spike in spending and the economy repair itself by people are buying Martin's potato rolls, burgers, dogs, etc. You know how it is. A couple of vacations anyway. Let's watch his statement. By the way. This seems insensitive. It's actually not. And your child, if you think it is, continue.
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I am currently on board the MV Hobbyist.
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Yes.
D
And what's happening right now is very real for all of us here.
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I get it.
D
We're not just a story.
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Totally.
D
We're not just headline people.
B
Yes.
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People with families.
B
Okay.
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With lives.
B
Okay.
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With people waiting for us at home.
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I know
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there's a lot of uncertainty. And that's the hardest part. All we want right now is to feel safe, to have clarity and to get home. So if you're seeing coverage about this, just remember that there are real people behind it and that this isn't something happening. Well, somewhere far away. It's happening to us right now. I'll share more when I can.
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What does the statement even mean? I know it's a real boat with real people with hantavirus. I don't think it's AI. What's he saying? Does he want. Does he think I'm going to. And I feel bad for him. His trembling voice. He's sad. But does he think I'm going to say, come back with the hantavirus? I. I just did a photo shoot and I look good in some of these. I just interviewed the cast of Selling Sunset. I don't want hantavirus. That's a non statement statement. We're real people. We exist. We're on a boat. We have hantavirus. We get it. We know you're real people. We know you have families and people that love you. That's the problem. We don't want you infecting them with fucking hantavirus. Here's what I say if I'm him, hi, I'm on this boat. I don't have hantavirus. I'll kill everyone on the boat. Then test me and let me come home. I'm willing to kill everyone on this boat. Kill. Are you reading anything about this Honda virus? Are there any more statements from people on the boat with. With the hot. Is he the only one who's live streaming here from the boat? People just can't stop with the screens no matter what, huh? I know it's a boat. I know it's real. I know you're actual people. I know it's horrible. I feel bad for you. My heart goes out to you. I don't want hantavirus. There's a lot of things in my life I want. I don't want hantavirus. I might want to live in Rhode island at some point. In the Newport area. I like that. I like seafood. I think it's beautiful. But I don't want hantavirus. So, like, I understand. Such a weird non statement statement. We're people. We exist. We have haunted. It's like, bro, you chose to get on this boat and now you have hantavirus. I feel bad about this. What are you reading so intently over there?
C
Just an article from another.
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Is there. Is there any other statement from anyone on the boat? Or is this the only guy that's chosen to update us on the boat?
A
Here
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I'm pulling up one right now.
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Pull it up. Just because I. I want to give everyone a fair shake and I want to hear from people on this boat because I, you know, is this another person? This is another person who's decided and I. Listen, man, I feel bad for people with hantavirus. We just can't let. He said they're not being well informed. The people on the hantavirus. This is going to be like Flight 93 here. I'm telling you this right now. We gotta. We gotta. We gotta make up something. Let's roll. Okay. This is somebody on the. Is he on the boat?
C
I think so.
B
Yeah. All right. He seems. We looks pale. Don't let him off. He looks real pale.
F
Of northwest Africa.
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It's very scary because it was nothing that we were ready for.
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On 12th of April we had the first casualty.
F
Ruhi Kennett was on the ship's first leg for most of April and recorded the moments the captain announced the first death.
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This is my sad duty to inform you that one of our passengers suddenly passed away last night.
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Why did you decide to record the captain's announcement?
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I felt something odd.
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It turns out we were not well informed.
F
The cruise operator says at the time of this announcement there was no evidence of a virus or contagion on the ship. Three people died following this outbreak. Now confirmed by the World Health Organization to be the anti strain of hantavirus. In rare instances, it can spread from person to person. Health officials are now tasked with contact tracing with one passenger in intensive care in South Africa. Another hospitalized after returning to Switzerland. Dr. Jason Zucker is an infectious disease physician.
B
This is not as easy to spread as things like Covid. But I wouldn't be overly concerned right now if you have travel planned. Not easy to spread, but still a big fear out there. Camila joins us now. Camila, what happens to the people still on board this cruise ship once they dock at the capacity Canary Islands.
F
Yeah, Tom. So the ship is still days away. Spain's health ministry says they will get medical screenings and then go to their home countries.
B
No. Stop. No. No. No. No. Camilla. No. No. No. No. No. They won't. No. No. No. No. No. They won't. They were on that boat. They are to be killed. Camilla. I. They listen. I. I am anti killing. We know this. I've had a strong record of that. The people on that boat need to be hunted down by special operations teams and killed in a Jason Bourne style fashion. Where it looks like an accident. Make it look like an accident. Everyone on that boat has to be followed and gotten rid of and it's got to be quick and it's got to look like an accident. Who would get on a cruise again, by the way? Can you. That captain's like, we have a pot. Last night, a passenger sadly passed away. Cruises become nightmares so quickly. Let's play that. Let's play that again. The captain's announcement.
F
The moments the captain announced the first death.
C
This is my sub duty to inform you that one of our passengers suddenly passed away last night.
B
Yeah, I mean, folks, if you have cruise tickets and you're going on a cruise, I don't know what to tell you. I'm telling you, right? I know it's a part of the economy and people will always do it, by the way. And I have no power. I'm not affecting anything. I'm just saying this to my listeners, to my, you know, people that, you know, care about anything I say. Stop it. Stop it. How many more, how much. How many more incidents? How much more evidence do you people need? Do you really want to be standing there in the middle, off the coast of the, The Cape of Good Hope, wherever the fuck these people are in Africa, whatever, And the guy comes out and goes, by the way, everybody's going down with hantavirus on this. And by the way, I don't know if this shows up immediately. So I'm. I'm just saying. And I'm not. I'm not. It sounds like I'm being insensitive. I'm trying to save humanity. The entire boat has to be blown to smithereens. It has to be blown to smithereens in the middle of the sea. Sorry, I. I don't want. I don't want it. I don't want it to be the case, but I'm not comfortable. This is what scares me, people. Iran. What if Iran gets a nuke? What the fuck is it? Bomb. Bomb. We don't bomb the things we should bomb. Attack this ship. Attack this ship. I mean, does it set? Do I do? Literally, to be honest with me, do I sound heartless? Maybe a little bit. It's for the good of all. It's for the good of all. It's for the good of all. Bomb the ship. Bomb the ship. We're not just. We're people. We're real. We have families. And you're. You're not allowed to see them. You've been exposed. We know you're real people. You're not allowed to see your families. You've been exposed and we have Fighter jets on the way. We have drones on the way. We don't even need jets. Drone it. Drone it now. Or if the aliens, if, if the aliens want to get involved here and help, and supposedly they have bases under the water, says Tim Burchett. Come up and, and help us here. If these alien, if these aliens can do anything for us. Come up from your underwater bases and sink this hantavirus ship now. Well, there it is. You know, I, of course, my heart goes out to everyone on that ship and I'm incredibly saddened by these events and I completely am horrified, like many fellow citizens. And I do believe that the compassionate, immediate, legitimate, responsible course of action is to blow that ship up in the middle of the sea with everyone on it. And we should tell them five minutes before we do that. We say we're going to have to blow the ship up. Let them make their videos. Give them 10 minutes to make their videos and put them out. Let everybody be able to take their, their, their phone out during the last 10 minutes of their life and make a video that they can upload to the social media platform of their choice in a, in a deep rage. I can't believe the government's doing this to us. They're abandoning us. This is inhumane. Get it all out. Get it all out. Get it all out. Upload it. Good. WI Fi. Let them do it. Let them do it. And then blow them off the face of the earth. Good night.
A
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A
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Release Date: May 9, 2026
In this episode, Tim Dillon dives headfirst into the dystopian chaos of the modern world, combining apocalyptic stand-up riffs with social commentary on everything from luxury real estate reality TV and tech delusions to the digital isolation of seniors and the perils of both cruise ship vacations and raising the next generation on screens and pharmaceuticals. Tim’s darkly comic narrative jumps effortlessly between personal anecdote, media skewering, and outlandish hypotheticals – all filtered through his trademark irreverence and exasperation.
“Do you know any poor people?”
“No.”
“That’s okay...it’s hard to meet poor people if you’re rich.”
(Tim with a cast member, ~06:30)
“Bezos seems like a guy…there’s some, maybe, insecurity there…wants to prove to you he’s the coolest person that’s ever lived. Zuckerberg…has stolen the last ten years of your mother’s life.”
(Tim, 14:30–16:00)
“Mark Zuckerberg has stolen the last 10 years of your mother’s life…She’s fighting with someone she’s never met. That’s how people get old now. They get old on the Internet.”
(Tim, 29:10)
“Most likely your children are going to be obese, short-sighted and have language delay…We’re gonna get Ozempic for them when they’re kids. That’s coming. GLP1s for kids are coming and I’m for it.”
(Tim, 40:30)
“Do you know how many people I know who’ve blocked their own mother?...I know the knee-jerk reaction is to say get the screens out of the hands of kids—well, sure. But they’re not going to be able to exist without having some kind of relationship to a screen.”
(Tim, 49:22)
“If you go out on a cruise and there’s a disease outbreak, you’re not coming back...Just bomb the ship. Bomb it.”
(Tim, 58:27 and repeated throughout 60:00–76:00)
“Bomb the ship. Bomb the ship. We’re not just – we’re people, we have families...You’re not allowed to see them. You’ve been exposed and we have fighter jets on the way.”
(Tim, 75:00–76:30)
On Modern Old Age:
“There was a technology invented that made you insane...A playground for your worst ideas and impulses was given to you at the end of your life.”
(Tim, 31:40)
On Child Screen Use:
“Having a nonverbal child who just is on an iPad all day that you shoot up once a week with a needle so it doesn’t eat is the best you’re going to do.”
(Tim, 43:45)
On Parenting Realism:
“One parent described their baby screen time as, ‘a survival skill in my house.’”
(Reading research excerpt, 43:35)
On Digital Literacy vs. Legacy Human Skills:
“Your kid’s not going to play soccer. Cut it out. Have a realistic expectation for your child.”
(Tim, 44:36)
On Cruises & Pandemic Anxiety:
“Who told you to get on a boat? I’m dead serious… I will take my own life if I have to get on another cruise.”
(Tim, 60:37)
This episode is classic Tim Dillon: apocalyptic, funny, and provocative, blending social commentary with grotesque satire. Tim’s rants on social media, tech, and pop culture frame a world where the old are lost to Facebook, the young are destined to be obese, screen-addicted mutants, and the unwise are punished for cruise vacations with viral outbreaks. Underneath the hyperbole, there’s biting insight into alienation, generational confusion, and the fleeting nature of modern comfort.
No sacred cows, no easy answers—just Tim offering a “tour of the end of the world,” one outrage at a time.